Chapter Text
AN: This one has been bothering me so here is the actual final chapter even though I though it was complete.
Second Chance
Epilogue
Riza finished the last of her work for the day and placed it in the envelope destined for an office downstairs. She gathered a few more important documents and folders and scooped them into her arms as she stood up and pushed her chair in before walking over to the main office door. She was eager to be done with the day and leave the Fuhrer's office behind her.
She was relieved when she had been reassigned as Bradley's assistant in the wake of Roy's less than subtle attempt to out him as a homunculus. It gave her an opportunity to start a new job with people who didn't know her as well and distance herself from the man she was none too slowly falling in love with. Bradley seemed suspicious at first but also satisfied when he discovered her amnesia remained, his intentions were to keep her a hostage and keep Mustang in line, not have to worry about her own agenda. It wasn't the best situation, but it was working out well.
She heard the acknowledgment to come in and entered the office. Bradley was standing by his window looking out over the courtyard, hands locked behind him and contemplating something. She walked over to his desk. "The last of the documents for the week, sir."
"Do you have plans for the weekend, Lieutenant?" Bradley asked as she set the folders on his desk and he turned his head to look at her.
Riza saw that sharp eye lock onto her as he prepared to gauge her answer for the truth. She knew he was asking multiple questions here and she knew she might have been too quick to finish her work today. "Yes sir. I can cancel if you need me to work overtime, my dog will understand."
Bradley searched her face and then looked down at the paperwork she had neatly organized and delivered for his signature. "No, I will be taking Mrs. Bradley out to dinner and a movie."
"I'm sure she will enjoy that very much, sir." She said and watched him look to a picture on his desk of his wife and son.
Bradley turned and moved closer, wearing a smile and allowing his body to be the menacing presence instead. Hawkeye simply stood up straight and waited. "I believe I heard Selim say the Elrics are in town again. He's quite enthralled with alchemy and admires Fullmetal for accomplishing certification so young. He tends to follow their adventures quite closely."
It was a reminder that they were all under close scrutiny, and a test to see if she would be flustered by that fact. He was good. "I am meeting Alphonse for dinner, my dog loves to play with him. I like to check up with the boys, it's hard when one doesn't eat. I enjoy their company and they are trying very hard to help me remember my past."
Bradley nodded and gave her a smile. They both knew it wasn't that innocent. "Enjoy your weekend, Lieutenant."
"You too sir." She smiled and turned to leave, anxious to keep her date.
Riza prepared to sit down at the table with Al and felt awkward not offering him something to eat, so she picked up her dog and set him on his lap. Hayate wagged his tail and Al immediately took to petting him. She had grown close to Alphonse and he was the only one she could be unguarded with in regards to her predicament. Discussions with Roy were becoming difficult as she could see him scrutinizing their conversations too much, looking for answers and worrying about the ones he saw. She wanted to protect him. "I think Roy knows."
Al looked up at her and she toyed with the napkin next to her plate. He wanted to be consoling and supportive, but he didn't want to fill her with false hope either. "None of us really know anything for certain."
Al was so sweet, despite their discussions about alchemy and their lost selves somewhere inside the gate, he always wanted to make her feel better. "I'm still a very different person than the Riza Hawkeye that belongs here. I still have memories that don't fade of a world that doesn't exist."
"I think that the Colonel and my brother are firmly entrenched in denial and are clinging to the hope that alchemy...will be the answer." Al pet Hayate and the dog smiled up at him. "I have been on this journey to recover my body for a lot longer than you, I've seen Ed start to believe the things he said to keep my spirits up. It's that hope that keeps us moving forward to whatever end there may be for us. It's fragile and I can't take that away from him any more than he wants to take it from me. It's like holding something together that shattered, as soon as you let go you'll never put the pieces back in the same place."
She took a deep breath. "I can't lie to him but if I tell him the truth it's going to destroy him."
Al nodded. They both faced this dilemma, they had people that they loved who would be devastated if they learned their efforts did more harm than good. If Ed found out that there was no way to restore his body, that his existence now was questioning exactly what he was...he'd shatter. "Ed is focused on getting my body back. He is driven and that keeps his eyes forward. He needs that."
"Roy...has nothing to occupy him but his thoughts. His team has been taken away. You're all in danger. He's focused on the Promised Day but...he looks for answers. It's eating at him." She closed her eyes. She really didn't want to be unloading her problems onto the shoulders of a teenage boy, but he too had held in these thoughts for too long to protect someone he loved. Al understood it all and he was so happy to have someone else to talk to. This poor kid, he couldn't even sleep to shut down his brain. She had no idea how he did it. "Instead of taking away something physical, Truth took his stability. He can't look at me without questioning what he did."
"You said he knows..." Al wondered what happened.
"He found out I corrected a design flaw in a weapon that crossed the Fuhrer's desk for approval. I was proud of it, we talked about our day and I explained how I knew it would be an issue. It was very similar to a weapon that was plagued with problems and..."
"We don't have that weapon here." Al said simply.
"No." She shook her head. "I've been so careful but I really needed to feel confident in who I am. I didn't realize it would give him further proof that I really might not be from here. That's not all though, apparently the Amestrian Riza never showed any ability for alchemy."
"He understands you saw the gate though." Al said. Mustang seemed to be thrilled that Hawkeye was learning alchemy and he and Ed were enjoying teaching her. What changed? "We told him that the knowledge was right there in front of your eyes."
She didn't want to tell him about the tattoo, that would be too much. However she had started drawing it out in an attempt to work on understanding this burden that had scarred her body and life. She thought that, maybe, in unlocking this secret on her back that it would be the key to the life here she wished she would remember. She was wrong. Roy saw her notes and the look on his face was enough to tell her that she had crossed a line that his Riza would never cross. "He's getting withdrawn. Havoc says it was bad when Hughes died but not like this. He knows that...human transmutation doesn't work. So, I hope that her soul is waiting inside the gate beside the body you want to be reunited with.."
Al stopped petting Hayate and looked up at her. "That's not the same. When I leave this body, it just goes back to being an inanimate object. When you leave that one...you don't have somewhere to go."
"Like you said, we don't know. Maybe Amestris Riza is in my body, in my world." She watched Hayate jump off Al's lap and come over and jump in hers, the dog knew she was getting upset. "What I see now is that my being here isn't something as simple as another chance at life. The ripples of my presence are throwing off the people in this world that need to be focused on saving it. Roy needs to focus on the Promised Day and fixing this country. In saving my life, I might just be endangering everyone elses."
"It could be that we're postponing the inevitable but I know that they would have never made it this far without us." Al said. "Ed wouldn't have the drive to make things right again. Mustang...he's lost so much. We still have a huge part to play in this."
"Maybe learning alchemy was the step too far, it's how this all began...it's so much more than just manipulating matter. It's manipulated your lives, it's woven into every fiber of your being and to begin tugging at those threads is just asking for them to unravel. I just wanted to help." She said. Maybe it was more than that. Maybe she just wanted to feel that power and that was what scared Roy the most. That was was made her decision final, she had to fix things for him because this was tearing him apart.
"We'll find out." Al said softly. "The Promised Day is coming."
It was the Promised Day. The day..promised to her. The day she died.
The feeling of her blood pumping out of her was all too familiar. Riza laid on the floor as she fought her own body in an attempt to not black out and recalled every second of her accident down to the breaths she took. The accident that took her life and gave her this one. She held her hand to her neck as each pump of her heart drove another spurt of blood onto the ground. The memories became less vivid as she heard his voice, Roy's panicked and strained voice screaming for her.
Again.
She opened her eyes and looked at him, the man she had shared but a few months with but had fallen in love with. A few months and more passions and emotion than any relationship she had had in her entire life. However he wasn't hers, that was painfully evident now more than ever. As her blood spilled on the transmutation circle drawn on the ground, she knew what had to be done. She loved him and she would give him back what he loved the most, sacrificing herself in the process.
Was that what love was? This willing sacrifice to save someone? He struggled helplessly against the men holding him as the doctor above her kept talking, teasing and insisting that he be the final sacrifice. That they needed someone else to do human transmutation and he was going to have to hurry up and do it before time ran out. He must have seen her smile because he suddenly stopped fighting and looked at her horrified. She pulled her hand from her neck and placed it on the ground along with the other one.
Roy Mustang had sacrificed enough and so did his Riza. He offered himself the last time she was dying in his arms and Truth found a way to twist that around and hurt him more than a mere loss. She was going to kick in that damned gate and give him his life back because she loved him. Giving him up would be harder than surrendering her own life to death. All the studying they had done to try to figure out what he had performed that night to save her, comparing it to Ed and Al's memories of their failed attempt to bring back their Mom and using the knowledge from the white void was going to come down to this moment. Human Transmutation. She would be the final sacrifice.
This was her first time trying anything of this magnitude. She was already feeling the effects of the blood loss and Roy's renewed struggle and panic didn't help matters any. She could feel the energy beneath her and heard the doctor gasp in surprise, scared by the light swirling around his feet caused by the woman who shouldn't have this power. She took one last look at the man who had shown her what it was like to live and then pushed herself back out of the body that wasn't hers to have.
The blue glow of alchemy intensified until it was nothing but white. She heard him scream for her, and then silence.
The fear she had when entering that white room the first time was gone and she stepped further away from the door she had come through. The being that the boys called Truth was nowhere to be seen. She turned around and looked back at the door, little black hands reaching out for her and beckoning her to return to life and pay the price for her actions. She turned away from them and then saw the little white figure with his glimmering teeth and smug grin. "Where is she?"
"Who?" Truth asked innocently.
"The real Riza Hawkeye who belongs in that body?" She asked and took a step closer to it as she felt fingers begin to claw at her to drag her back through the portal.
"Real?" Truth chuckled. "Are you not real?"
"I am." She said as she thought about the discussions with Al, debating on what exactly they were. A priceless soul. "And I'm going back to my own body. That is what I just performed, a human transmutation to return me to a dead body and a soul back to the one she belongs in. We can't bring people back from the dead, but I can return to death where I belong."
"You'd sacrifice your chance at this life you wish you had?" Truth asked. "Is that really what you choose?"
"Roy Mustang tried to sacrifice himself to save the woman he loved and you found a way to manipulate that into something more painful than the loss of her life. Now I am calling you out on it, because you too tried to cheat death. I'm putting things back in order. I'm ready to accept death now, I don't think even you can fend him off."
"You're not dead, yet ." Truth said and smirked. "Time elapses so much slower in the future than in the past. I believe some people call it a 'near death experience', watching 'your life flash in front of your eyes'. Not knowing if that reality is something you experienced or if your mind was just trying to ease your pain while you bled to death on the highway. What exactly is Truth?"
"The truth is that if it is my life that is fading on that highway, then that is the truth I am accepting." She said. She had enough philosophy to last a lifetime and she wasn't going to be drawn into a debate with this thing. "Life isn't fair, there is no way to cheat. Not even you can cheat."
"You'd give up your chance for happiness?" Truth asked. "You were happy."
"That life was a lie." She replied and stepped forward, pulling from the grasp of a few black hands that had gripped her arms. "Truth is that I am dying in my own world due to my own mistakes and that is what I will have to live with...or rather no longer live because of. "
"There is the door you seek." Truth pointed off to her right. "However, I still will require a toll from Mustang."
"Then there is the matter of equivalent exchange." She said, her confidence returning. Debating with people with god-complexes was what she did for a living. She was in her element. "You have a soul that belongs to that life and body in Amestris. An amazing soul that has touched so many lives and that is needed to save that world. I'm not stepping through that door until you complete this transmutation. Send her back. If you take something from him, there is no equivalency anymore. It will be unbalanced in your favor. I can't imagine imbalance is good in a place like this, somewhere between worlds. Send her back."
"Turn around then." Truth replied.
Riza turned to see the door with the hands emerging from the darkness, but the hands were wrapped around something invisible, something human shaped. She wouldn't have seen it except for the black background that highlighted the absence of hands. She saw them dragging her back into the door and the door start to close, then panicked and screamed, "You only have one life Riza Hawkeye! Don't waste it like I did! Live it! Live it to the fullest with him despite what you want to condemn yourself for! He deserves it! So do you!"
The door slammed shut and and she just stared at the gate and the etchings on it. The tattoo. She looked back at Truth, quiet and smiling. "I won't know if she makes it back?"
Truth shrugged. "You just wanted your life back, and there it is."
She turned to the door that creaked open. No hands were reaching for her. It was simply still and dark. The eerie calm before a storm. The absence of everything. It was most likely death.
"Like you said, the transmutation must be completed." Truth prodded.
She was scared but willing. The first few steps were easy, but the cool of the gate made her hesitate as she got closer. This was the end, this was death. Cold, empty and final.
And she took the last step though the gate knowing that she had done her best with the life she was given.
"She's conscious!"
Riza could feel the rain on her face as she heard a familiar voice.
"Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?"
She let them flutter open, rain hit her open eyes and she quickly blinked away the water. Then she opened them again. She recognized him well before she looked at the name tag on his uniform. Jean Havoc.
"Damn, I thought we lost you." Havoc sat back on the wet pavement and pulled out a pack of cigarettes as Breda pushed away the equipment they used to restart her heart.
Breda let Havoc crawl off and light a cigarette and take a much needed break. First on the scene, off duty paramedic trying to save a life was well above the call of duty. It took the rest of the squad too damned long to get here and Havoc was performing CPR during that time. "Ma'am you've been in an accident. Can you hear me?"
"Yes." Riza whispered.
"Do you know your name?"
"Riza Hawkeye." She replied.
"Riza, we're getting you on a stretcher and taking you to the hospital." Breda stood up and waved Falman over. "Can you tell me what year it is?"
She groaned. It was the first test. "2015."
Breda continued to check her vitals. "Stay with me huh? We lost you once and we need you to hang in there until we can get you to the ER."
"What happened?" She asked. It was hard to stay awake, she felt like those little hands were grabbing at her, trying to lull her into a feeling of defeat and close her eyes. She forced them open again. Breda was happy with her answer, not worried. That was a start.
"You went off the road, totaled your car." Havoc said. He was exhausted and trembling as the adrenaline subsided.
She reached down and felt her chest. There was a man's shirt wrapped around her chest.
"No seat belt." Havoc mumbled. "You were thrown out the window and landed on some roadside debris. I don't know how you weren't killed on impact. Must have hit the brakes and slowed down before the collision, my bet is on that dog over there. Probably should eat the little shit..."
Riza looked over as Kain Fuery came into view, holding a puppy. The puppy looked soaked and terrified. It was Black Hayate. "Can you...take care of him until I get out of the hospital? Not his fault."
Breda helped life her onto the gurney. "You need relax, you're really badly injured and..."
"I'll take him, if he doesn't have a family." Riza reached out and grabbed Breda's arm. "Promise me you'll take care of him until I can take him."
Fuery picked up his medical kit and came to her side. "I promise. We'll bring him back to the station."
Breda shot the kid a glare and he put the pup inside his jacket to keep him safe and warm and out of sight. The kid should have been a vet. Now he was going to have to deal with a dog?
Riza closed her eyes as the paramedics pushed her to the ambulance and she looked at the white emergency vehicle and wondered if everything she had just experienced had been a figment of her imagination. She glanced at the back of the ambulance as they came around and wondered if these were those gates she has been so worried about passing through. She felt weak again and let unconsciousness take her again, thinking made her head hurt more.
One question bothered her more than any other: Where was Roy?
Berthold Hawkeye watched the last of the cleaning crew remove the bouquets and get well soon cards from Riza's office. There was no point in leaving them here, it would only continue to effect morale and do little to solve any problems. It wouldn't bring her back sooner, it didn't help her in any way and it didn't do much but remind others of their own mortality. It was a foolish tradition and a waste of money. He heard a knock on the office door and turned around to see a man his daughter's age standing there. Hair slicked back, suit clean and pressed and a posture that told him he was nervous despite being confident. "Yes?"
"Sir? I am here for an interview with Miss Hawkeye?"
"What position?" Berthold asked.
"Assistant."
"She was in a car accident." Berthold watched the man's eyes widen at the news. He looked like he was going to offer the same hollow, worthless condolences that everyone else did and he cut him off. "She won't be back to work for some time. Tell the secretary your name and she'll reschedule your appointment."
"Thank you."
"No need." Riza dodged the man in the doorway as he turned to leave and entered her office. It had taken a lot of effort to get out of the hospital, but after waking she had been so confused that she needed to find her way back home. Home, sadly, was her office. She needed to know who she was, where she was and rationalize her experience before she went mad. She saw the look on her father's face, disapproval. It felt...right. She turned to the man waiting for his interview and suddenly any feelings of comfort and belonging were gone. He heart pounded and she stared at him. "Roy Mustang."
He was surprised she knew his name. Odd that she seemed to recognize him as well, but there was a background check mandatory with this position and he assumed she had seen his photo at some point. "Miss Hawkeye, if this is not a good time..."
"Reschedule." Berthold repeated to Mustang. He looked at his daughter, hunched over in pain from her injuries and knew she was in no condition to be here. "You will go back to the hospital."
"No." She snapped and both men looked at her surprised at how adamant she was. Her father locked eyes with her and she stood up taller. It hurt, but he actually seemed to yield to her non verbal challenge. "I need an assistant now more than ever."
"Very well." Berthold put his hands behind his back and walked to the door. He didn't know what to say or do. He was still rattled from seeing her in the hospital, machines and white coats everywhere. That smell. It brought back memories of her mother, and she looked so much like her. "See me when you are done."
Riza relaxed as soon as he left and closed the door behind him. She turned and saw that Roy was standing there waiting on her to instruct him on what she wanted out of him. What an interesting twist that he would be here to be her subordinate when she had been his in that...dream. So now it was up to her to make the hard choices, to prioritized her personal life or career. Last week it would have been an easy decision, but now she was looking at things so much differently. The problem was that she already had an appointment she had to keep. "I only have time for a brief interview, I have to pick up a puppy in an hour."
"Really?" Roy's professional demeanor vanished and was replaced with boy's glee at the mention of a puppy. "What breed?"
"He's a Shiba Inu." Riza had to smile at his reaction. Her fears seemed to ease away as she felt like this wasn't some cruel trick, that this really was a version of that man she had fallen for. Rationally she knew she had probably scanned his file and the name had been filed away in the back of her mind, but still...his personality and his expressions were not something she could have conjured up. "I think he's the one who caused my accident, the paramedic took him home from the crash site and nobody has stepped forward to claim him. I'm going to take him. Give him a home."
"That's...pretty amazing really." Roy said as he thought about it. "Most people would blame the dog, you're going to adopt him."
Riza had to walk over to her desk to hide the smile on her face as he complimented her. Then she had an idea. "If you're not opposed to an unconventional interview, we can take this out of the office after the preliminary discussion of my expectations and what the job entails. I honestly am not cleared to drive yet and don't feel up to it. That is, if you're OK with driving me to pick up a dog."
"I love dogs!" Roy wanted to slap himself. This was why he was unable to get a real job after left the military, despite what his mother said about 'adjusting to civilian life'. He was surprised when she seemed to smile at that. She was nothing like her reputation, it seemed Riza Hawkeye did have a kind heart.
She realized she had no paperwork to look at or a briefcase. She had no car or phone. The appointment book on her desk was full, but there were only two appointments she needed to keep: An interview and an adoption. Last week this would have scared her, her highly organized hectic life incomplete disarray, but she was much more adjusted to this chaos now. She wasn't going to simply latch on to this man just because of some experience she had while she lay dying, but she was going to give him a chance. She wouldn't have scheduled an interview with him if he was anything but the best candidate for the job, she didn't have time to waste on anything less. Still, she felt something and it made her feel alive. More alive than she ever felt while rushing around this office or working until she watched the sun rise through her window.
She wasn't going to waste this second chance and hoped that her Amestrian counterpart would do the same.
AN: This story was bothering me for a while, the way I left it didn't quite finish up the way I wanted it. A twist on amnesia trope as it's more of the 'girl falls back in time/into show' fanfic trope. It also is unsatisfying to leave an open ending like I did, although you can still wonder how things are going on the Amestris side. I went away from this initially because how it came out was just really sad.
Thanks for reading.