Chapter Text
"We always want to say things we never said once it's too late. Give one last kiss, whisper one more word, and touch one last hand, have one final glance. We always want to do everything despite time having run out. And so we end up taking secrets with us to our own graves. We never say words we should have said, never make the memories we should have made, never gave that last kiss or had that one last look. Because we believe there is always tomorrow, we believe there is always another day. And then suddenly, that next day is gone and there will never be another chance. All that is left is yesterday and the realisation that we were too late."
Brenda readjusted the flowers she had just laid on the grave and sat back in the grass. The afternoon sun cherished the Los Angeles skies and somewhere a bird sang an upbeat song. She let her eyes trail over the black letters on the white marble headstone. To see Sharon's name printed like this still didn't seem real. It had been three weeks since her death and so much had changed since then, the world felt like a totally different place.
She hadn't been able to process much of Sharon's death with the danger of Stroh looming at the horizon. Now that he was gone too, she finally had a chance to think about everything. And not just Sharon's death but the years that had led to this very moment.
"There is so much I wish I'd said to you," Brenda sighed. "But I was scared. Confused. And I didn't think I even had any right to say anything at all." She smiled. "It's been nice to hear about the life you built for yourself after I left. Knowin' you were happy makes all of this…" She swallowed. "Makes all of this a little less hard to grasp."
"Sometimes I wonder how much you knew. Most of the time I believe you knew everythin' and just to spare me, you said nothin' because that's just the kind of person you were. You never wanted to hurt anyone. And there are other days that I think you had no idea… about any of it… and those are the days I can't decide which would be better."
Brenda wiped the stray tear that slid down her cheek away. "I loved you, Sharon. I still do. I love you. I don't think a day goes by where I am not reminded of you somehow. A sound, a smell… And now that I am back in Los Angeles I keep expectin' to see you, keep expectin' the phone to ring and to hear your voice. I keep seein'… I keep seein' you everywhere."
She sat by Sharon's grave and talked about the years they had missed, talked to her as if she were a long lost friend, as if she was there to listen and her voice wasn't carried away by the wind. She only fell silent when the sun began to set and the cool evening wind pulled at her hair. Slowly Brenda stood up and looked down at the name of the woman she loved etched in stone. It wasn't just etched into marble, it had been etched into her soul too.
"Goodbye, Sharon," Brenda said, placing her hand on the headstone. The bird song had fallen silent. There was no other sound than the sound of her voice. Slowly she turned around and walked away from the grave. For a moment she stopped, believing for the shortest of seconds she could hear the other woman's voice whisper something in the wind, before realising it was only the rustling of the leaves. Brenda looked back over her shoulder one last time.
"I love you."