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glass on the rocks

Summary:

I started writing christmas fics based on the 12daysofchristmas tumblr! Shoutout to them although I joined the challenge late. Matt struggles to communicate how he feels so he lashes out.

//based on the prompt "I know it's winter, but you don't have to act so cold!"

Work Text:

Matt keeps staring at Adam like he's trying to read the look on his face from across the room. He squints at the screwed up eyebrows, stares into the downturned corner of his lips and sighs, tipping his head back against the wall as he pushes his tongue into the gap between his teeth and his bottom lip. Nick looks up from his phone tilting his head to stare at his brother. "Ya could just talk to him y'know?" Nick says, rolling chewing gum across the inside of his cheek. "You've got too one of these days."

"No I don't." Matt argues back, trying to force conviction into his voice. "We can just spend forever not talking and I would be fine with that. Totally fine."

Nick raises an eyebrow and Matt raises his arms in stubbornness. "Fine." He shifts himself to perch on the end of the clothing box where they're sitting, squinting at Adam as he tilts his head and digs his teeth into the corner of his mouth. "What do you think he's thinking about?" He asks his brother, knocking their knees together to snatch Nick's attention away from whatever game he's currently invested in.

The two brothers watch Adam for a few seconds, watching as his shoulders sag and hands come up to untangle the tassels on the back of his jacket. "horses probably." Nick says eventually, blowing a bubble through his teeth. Matt rolls his eyes, using his nail to pop it. He chuckles when Nick cuts a glare at his lips twisting into a thin line. He glances at Matts grinning face as he licks the chewing gum off his lips. He rolls it slowly into a ball and presses it against his teeth. "Adam!" Nick calls and the smile on Matt's face drops. "Matt wants to ask you something!"

Adam looks over his shoulders, down the dark corridors before he finally points at himself. He walks over slowly, keeping his eyes glued on Matt as he squirms, kicking his brother in the shin as he chuckles away at his side. "Whats sup?" Adam suddenly sounds a lot closer and Matt's hands flail awkwardly for a few seconds as brown eyes shift to gaze into Adam's for a few seconds, eyes following over the dangling tassels, the messy curls still bed messy and sleep tamed in their low ponytail. "Matt?" Adams fiddling with his fingers and Matt remembers all the times he's watched Adam drill his knuckles into his palm, eyes glazed over with focus.

"Yeah uh...It's nothing.." Matt chuckles awkwardly, using the way his voice curves up as an excuse for the blush that's slowly starting to skate across the corner of his tanned cheeks. "I was just wondering is you had.." Matt's mind blanks but he's never been good at keeping his mouth quiet when his brain stalls. "heard from Kenny. I know we have that big match coming up and I don't know if he wants to do some training or...."

Adam blinks at Matt a few times and he knows the fact that's glaring down at him; Adams eyes crinkle a little at the corners and his tongue darts out to wet his dry lips as he flinches, he steps back a little and rubs his neck slightly, eyes suddenly dropping from where they were settled, staring just off Matt's shoulder. Adam breathes a little like Matt's words have winded him and Matt feels his hands twitch a little into fists by his sides. The air thickens around them and Matt feels it spread out backstage. "He did say not to leave you alone, we know how you can get." Matt continues because he isnt sure what else to do, he lets his mouth ramble and Adam takes another step back, his eyes now searching for the floor as his hands duck in and out of his pockets as if he's trying to find something. Matt glances at his brother, watches how he puts his head against his hands before he sits up and leaves the two of them alone, patting Adam almost apologetically on the shoulder.

"Yeah uh..I ain't heard from Kenny..." Adam says eventually, wiping sweaty palms across the faded denim of his jeans. Matt tilts his head, eyes wide and hair tumbling across his shoulder and he frowns a little. Adam swallows again, tries to breathe around the lump in his throat as he rolls the words Matt said around his shoulders. "whaddya mean how I can get?" Adams fingers raise in air quotes and Matt feels the shift in his voice more than he hears it; Adams voice falls sharp against his ears stabbing against the inside like its anger is trying to wedge itself deep inside Matt's brain so it becomes all he can hear. Matt opens and closes his mouth when Adam throws his hands up, tipping his head back. "Why do you care huh?"

The question lands in Matt's lap heavy like stone and sharp like thumbtacks. He wiggles a little where he's sitting, pushes the back of his shoes against the clothing box before he puffs his back up. He stares at Adam, an eyebrow raised as he searches the taller man's eyes. "Because you're our friend?" Matt spits back, letting his voice raise with the same heavy tone, he crowds himself against Adams chest. He raises his eyebrows and grips at the fabric of his shirt. "You've always been our friend but it seems like you made your choice..." Matt purposely breathes a little harder, feels the bitterness of liquor burn the back of his nose and something twists a little evil in his mind. "How's the bar Hangman?"

Adam's jaw tightens under the tightness of his skin and he presses his head down, pressing harder against Matt's forehead. He breathes against his lips for just a few seconds before a smile spreads cautiously across his plump lips, Matt follows his tongue as it slides against his bottom row of teeth. "Fun, ya should try being fun sometimes. Maybe then Kenny would stick around a lil longer." Adam presses his forehead a little deeper against Matt's, searching the smaller males eyes for a reaction to the fire Adams trying to stoak. But there's nothing in the darkness of his eyes apart from this weird glimpse of sadness and Adam sighs, "Matt...I'm sorry.."

"No!" Matt's voice squeaks a little when he steps back, shaking his hands out in front of him before he strokes a hand through his hair. It tangles a little around his knuckles and Matt tugs, picking strands of dead hair out from under his nails, letting them drop the floor behind them. "You're right, Maybe Kenny would stick around more if we weren't there cleaning up your drunken messes. We could have fun then! Together. As a team. Remember when we were a team? Before you fucked it all up" Matt cant stop himself for taking now, the words wash over his teeth like water through a crack in a damn. "You ruin everything-" He pauses long enough to hiccup in a breathe and he finally turns to look at Adam and something in Matt cracks then. "W-what's wrong?" He follows a teardrop down the side of Adam's face and he wraps his arms around himself a little tighter, flinching when Matt reaches up to stroke it away.

"I know it's winter but do you have to act so cold?" Adam asks. He's doing that thing where he tries to laugh through his emotions. Where he tucks his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. "Is that why Nick called me over? so you could yell and scream your feelings at me?" Matt shakes his head and Adam raises his eyebrow before copying the movement. "I get it..I fucked everything up didnt I."

Matt opens his mouth. "No..."

"Adam! Adam over here! It's Evil Uno! Uno raises his arm in an overdramatic wave and Adam wiggles his fingers back, he turns back to face Matt quick enough that it almost makes him feel a little dizzy., Matt watches as Adam wipes his face and nose with his jacket sleeve before he turns back to look Matt in the eyes.

"Why do you do that?" He asks, flailing his hand awkwardly. "Do that thing where you just talk? Don't ya know that your words hurt people?"

"I dont know..." Matt shifts his eyes across the floor, tracing the scuffs on Adams cowboy boots. "Sometimes it just..comes out. I dont mean too say the things I do...I just...everything gets all..sticky inside and it comes out as anger..."

Adam glances over at Uno, watches as he's joined by the other members of the Dark Order, he waves at them and nods yelling "Yeah...Just uh...give me a second?" He turns back to Matt and presses his lips together. "We're gonna get ya better at I dunno...talking to people right?"

Matt raises an eyebrow, blinking at Adam through layers of messed up hair. "You also can't talk to people."

"Just...come see me after all this yeah? I'll text ya my room number." Adam lays a hand, heavy and strong against Matts shoulder and everything suddenly feels just like it did before. "It's not ya fault Matt. Kenny going back to Japan, it's nobody's fault." Adam sounds more like he's trying to reassure himself than Matt.

"Okay." Matt whispers back anyway, smiling when Adam smiles and knocks their foreheads together softer this time. "Your friends are watching."

Adam's cheeks brighten when he chuckles a little bashfully. His hand slides down Matt's hand and squeezes briefly at Matt's fingers. He waves and Matt waves back until Adam and the rest of the Dark Order are nothing more than specks in the lowlights of backstage.

It's not until later does Nick reappear, shoving his brother in the shoulder. "So. How did the conversation go with Adam?" He wiggles his eyebrows and Matt just shakes his head, tapping his nose and laughing when Nick rolls his eyes. "Fine, don't tell me then.”

“I wasn't planning too.”

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