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Dick had been turned into a cat.
He had been fighting some half rate magician when they managed to hit him with a blast. Before Dick knew it, he had paws, was less than a foot tall and could only speak in meows and hisses.
The magician had been kind enough to inform him that if someone recognised him in his new form, he'd revert back to his old one.
It was at that moment, Dick understood why Bruce hated magic. He considered going straight to Bruce, but since he and Bruce still weren't talking after their latest argument, he decided that Tim was his best option.
Tim was both smarter and more pleasant than Bruce in Dick’s humble opinion. So he was all too happy to make his way to Drake Manor, scale up the wall and meow outside of Tim’s bedroom window.
Well, he was actually calling Tim's name, but his new form made it sound like a meow.
He briefly considered singing the lyrics to Kiss the Girl as he'd been humming it on the coms all week, much to Tim's annoyance. But he decided against it.
After a few minutes, Tim peeked out the window, blinking in confusion at Dick. "Uh…hi?"
Dick gave Tim the saddest look that he could muster up and meowed again.
"Hey," Tim’s voice took on a soothing tone. He opened the window wider and Dick took his chance to jump in. Tim blinked owlishly. "Huh. Okay, then."
Dick hopped up onto Tim’s bed and started tapping in morse code on one of the casefiles littering the space.
“No, that’s the Falcone file,” Tim gently pushed Dick’s paw off the file, cruelly ignoring Dick’s indignant meow. “You can play with my history homework.” He pushed one of his notebooks towards Dick.
He knew he made the right choice in going to Tim. Bruce wouldn’t give Dick his history homework, because Bruce was an asshole. And he doesn’t attend high school anymore.
Dick started tapping out a message on the book. But instead of deciphering the code, Tim laughed. Dick would have hissed at him for it if his babybird wasn't so adorable.
“Dick is going to love you.” Tim said with a grin, taking out his phone to video him.
Well, Dick has always been a firm believer in self love so, yes, he would love his cat counterpart.
Dick meowed in annoyance when Tim continued videoing, couldn’t he see that Dick had something to say?
“I’m sorry,” Tim carefully ran a fingertip over Dick’s forehead. Huh, that felt nice, like a mini head massage. Tim smiled at him. “Are you a cuddly cat by any chance?”
Dick, never one to miss out on an opportunity, jumped into Tim’s arms, purring. His message could wait a while.
-
A few hours later, Tim carried Dick downstairs to the kitchen. It was kind of weird being carried by his baby brother who had yet to reach his chest, but it was nice all the same.
Why had Dick ever let people stop carrying him? Bruce wasn’t old enough to excuse this negligence, another thing Dick decided to be mad about.
“I wonder what your name is.” Tim said as he placed Dick on the table. Dick tried tapping out his name, but Tim smiled and kissed his forehead, shocking him out of his tapping.
Maybe the message could wait just a little longer.
“How about a temporary name?” Tim suggested. Dick gave a happy purr in reply. "I think I'll call you…Fuzzball." He said, looking quite impressed with himself.
Oh, Tim. Dick sighed, he was dreading the day Tim would create his own mantle. Maybe he should just pass Nightwing down to him.
"Now what do I feed you?" Tim muttered to himself. "I think I've got cornflakes in."
Dick mrrped happily. Cornflakes are way better than cat food. Though, it is worrying to think that Tim would just feed a real cat cereal.
"I'll have to leave you soon," Tim started but faltered at Dick's sad eyes. "I can't take you to the Cave–"
Dick folded his ears and meowed sadly.
Tim sighed.
-
Dick hadn't had this much fun in the Cave since he was twelve.
He shredded Bruce's– and only Bruce's– case files with his claws. Swiped his mug off the table, walked all over the Batcomputer keyboard and ripped the wires out of his coffee machine.
All in all, a productive fifteen minutes.
Dick went to go for his spare coffee machine next when Bruce blocked his path.
"No." He growled, Dick hissed back at him. Go to hell.
"He really doesn't like you." Tim eyed Bruce with a judgmental frown.
When they first got to the Cave, Dick had snarled whenever Bruce looked at him and refused to let Tim pass him to the man. Not liking Bruce was an understatement.
"Cats don't like being told no." Bruce said.
Dick thought it was quite a bold statement for Bruce to make, considering his only experience with cats consisted of chasing a woman who dressed like one.
"So don't say it?" Tim replied. Dick meowed in agreement, Tim was very wise for his age. Tim smiled and gave Dick a kiss on the forehead. Three kisses, actually. Because being a cat had given Dick unfathomable power. "Don't worry, Fuzzball. We'll be leaving the bad man soon."
Dick gave a short, happy purr in reply.
"Bad man?" Bruce actually sounded offended.
Tim shrugged. "I call it how Fuzzy sees it." Dick shot Bruce a cold, smug look.
Then he saw it.
Batman’s cape.
Dick crouched down, his eyes laser focused on it.
Bruce's eyes widened. "No." He said warningly.
He gave a little wiggle before zooming forward and clawing the hell out of the cape.
"Stop saying that word, you know it provokes him." Tim scolded Bruce while Dick shredded the cape– and Bruce's ankles– to his heart's content.
Then he got stuck.
Bruce looked down at him with a vindictive gleam in his eyes. Dick hissed, then dug his claws in deeper out of spite.
Bruce flapped the cape, making Dick sway back and forth. He meowed loudly and within seconds Tim was by his side, untangling him from the monstrous curtain of death.
"You poor, sweet darling," Tim’s voice was gentle and coaxing. Dick remembers teaching him that tone to use when comforting civilians. This was a good moment for it, Dick was very traumatised. "What has he done to you?"
He jumped in on two of my cases, refused to apologise, hasn't called since and ate my portion of Alfred’s cookies.
His grievances vocalised themselves in the form of chitters, meows and a few hisses directed at Bruce. Tim hummed sympathetically, holding Dick close and kissing his forehead another four times.
"Don't coddle him. He did that to himself." Bruce said.
Dick pointedly flexed his claws in response.
Tim scowled. "Keep this up and I'll take Fuzzball and move to Bludhaven."
Dick mrrped happily. Please, by all means, keep this up, B.
Tim checked Dick's paws for injuries, giving each one a kiss as he did. He loved being a cat. "Come on, I think it's time for blankets and treats."
Tim was Dick's favourite person ever. In fact, Dick hated everyone else. No, that wasn't true. But Tim was definitely a step above the rest.
Bruce shook his head. "We have patrol."
Dick hissed. Of course Bruce would deny him any kind of joy. The cookie stealing sicko.
"Send Steph my regards." Tim replied, scooping Dick up in his arms. It was slightly disorientating being on the other end of it, Dick made a note to make his scoop attacks more smooth once he was back to normal.
He shamelessly snuggled into Tim’s arms, purring when Tim gave him another forehead kiss.
Truly, being a cat was amazing. He should send the magician a gift basket.
-
Tim frowned at his phone before looking over at Jason, who had popped round to Drake Manor ‘for the food, not the cat.’
And yet, Dick had recieved eight kisses, ten compliments, a fancy treat and a ten minute head scratch.
“What's up?” Jason asked.
"I texted Dick a video of Fuzzball about a day ago and he hasn't gotten back." He said worriedly. Dick mrrped in an attempt to soothe him. Tim leaned down and gave him a quick forehead kiss. "Maybe I should go over to check on him."
Jason scratched behind Dick's ears. Being a cat was awesome. "He's a grown man, I'm sure he can handle himself."
Tim and Jason stared at one another for a few moments.
"I'll drive." Jason said.
"I've got a travel medkit ready to go." Tim added.
Dick would be very insulted if Jason wasn't giving him head scratches right now.
Dick meowed when they started heading towards the door. Tim turned back and scooped him up in his arms.
"You're taking the cat?" Jason said incredulously.
"He doesn't like being alone." Tim cupped Dick's face and bestowed eight kisses upon his forehead. Dick purred happily.
He was never turning into a human again. He had found his true calling. His family would move on eventually.
Being a cat was amazing. As a human, Dick’s flexibility was pretty great, but as a cat it was off the charts. Cats were basically liquid, he could melt into any shape with no trouble.
He got endless amounts of attention and affection. He could claw Bruce without consequences and he was fucking adorable with his cute little face and fancy whiskers.
No way was Dick giving this up.
-
When they got to the apartment, they quickly managed to piece together that Dick had not been seen in days.
Tim's eyes filled with tears. "What if we're too late? What if we never find him?"
Okay, Dick was turning back right fucking now. His precious pie was crying which was unacceptable.
“He'll be fine, it's Dickhead, he's probably just got caught up in a case.” Jason didn't sound too sure. He let out a shaky breath. “We'll find him.”
Both his brothers were sad? Dick hissed. He was going to kill that magician.
-
Tim had been searching non-stop for the past eighteen hours, he got sent home by both Bruce and Jason. He had then decided to use a smaller version of the Batcomputer to search through Bludhaven's street cameras.
Dick didn't want to know how Tim got a mini Batcomputer or why.
Jason had gone out as Red Hood in Bludhaven, tearing his way through any crime ring he suspected might have had a part in Dick’s disappearance. He was giving Tim hourly updates.
Bruce, Steph and Cass were searching Gotham under Barbara's direction. Dick was pretty sure that the alley he got whammied in didn't have cameras, so there wasn't much of a chance Barbara would figure it out.
Dick had tried morse code thirty-nine times before giving up. He would have to try typing out a message once Tim left the computer for a bit.
To get him to do so, Dick started using sad, guilt-tripping meows, staring up at Tim with wide, heartbroken eyes.
Not that Tim noticed, too busy typing on his phone.
Dick glared and pawed at the phone.
“I'm texting my boyfriend,” Tim explained. “He's coming over to help soon.” Tim said, booping Dick's nose.
Dick froze. Tim’s dating someone? And he didn’t tell Dick? Betrayal. Betrayal of the highest order.
Dick expressed his thoughts in a series of angry yowls and one, solitary hiss.
Tim gasped. “Now, I know you're not being homophobic. Fuzzball because that would make you a very bad kitty.” He pointed at him.
Dick gave into his intrusive thoughts and lightly bit his finger.
“Why are you like this?” Tim sighed, picking him up for his hourly snuggles.
ADHD, probably. Dick meowed in answer. Saying yes gets that dopamine rush, unless that yes is to doing tasks he's ignored for three weeks. Then it's evil.
“I hear you, darling.” Tim kissed his forehead again.
If Dick going missing wasn't so stressful for Tim, he would stay as a cat forever. Damn human him for being so lovable.
When Kon arrived, Dick perched on the back of the couch and ignored him. Anyone who date's his siblings is immediately in the bad books. Kon was there right alongside Roy and Steph.
“He's usually so friendly.” Tim said, giving Dick a worried look.
Dick sighed and acknowledged Kon's presence with a very reluctant slow blink, which Kon returned.
“So, where are we on the Dick Quest?” Kon asked.
Tim gave him a flat look. “Don't call it that.”
“Yeah, I heard it as I said it.” Kon grimaced.
Dick observed them as they poured over the files looking for clues on his whereabouts.
Kon eventually coaxed Tim into taking a break and they sat back on the couch with a dozen takeout containers on the coffee table.
When Kon dared to make eye contact with Dick, he hissed at him, just to see how he'd react.
"Fuzzball, stop that." Tim booped his nose.
A few minutes later, Dick slapped Kon with his paw. It was a light tap, just enough to startle him.
Kon stared at him looking a cross between baffled and amused. "Do I have bad vibes? Animals only act like this if you're bad."
"I've seen kittens use you as a jungle gym. A butterfly landed on your nose and stayed. You're fine." Tim said.
Dick meowed thoughtfully. Animals were good judges of character.
Then again, he'd seen cats flock to Slade in the past, so maybe not.
"Maybe I did something terrible on my way here." Kon said with a playful grin.
Dick narrowed his eyes. Did he now?
Tim raised an eyebrow. "Did you?"
Kon's eyes dropped. "That coffee you're drinking?" Drugs. Dick jumped in front of Tim hissing, Kon's time on earth was limited anyway, time to say bye– "It's decaffeinated."
Tim gasped.
Dick purred. What a lovely, perfect man. He'd always liked Kon, such a great guy.
"Fuzzball, attack!" Tim exclaimed.
Dick purred louder and headbutted Kon's hand. He's so happy that Tim found someone good.
Tim glared at him. "Traitor."
Dick gave him a slightly apologetic meow in reply. If only so that Tim wouldn't hold a grudge for too long.
"Dude, did you really just try and set your cat on me?" Kon questioned, not seeming all that surprised by it. He gave Dick a light head scratch, solidifying himself as the favourite out of all Tim's friends.
Dick snuggled up beside Kon, best to get his future brother in law used to cuddles.
"Well it's not as if it worked. I should have gotten a dog, they're loyal." Tim spat.
Dick mrrped sadly. Looks like Tim would be holding a grudge for at least a month.
Kon lightly nudged Tim’s ankle with his foot. "Don't be mean to Fuzzy."
Tim scowled. "I thought he was too happy with you to be sad."
Dick bristled. He could multitask, thank you very much.
"You're jealous." Kon laughed.
Tim froze. "No."
Dick perked up. Did Timmy want cuddles? He bounded over and jumped into Tim's arms. His poor tiny tot had just gone a whole three minutes without snuggles, it was no wonder he was grumpy.
"What's there to be jealous of? He likes me better." Tim said.
Dick meowed in agreement. Of course he liked Tim better. Tim was his precious pie. Even if he was a walking headache sometimes.
"Wow. See if I get you coffee again." Kon rolled his eyes.
"It's brown water, not coffee." Tim glared.
Dick moved back to his perch on the back of the couch, singing to himself as they bickered back and forth. It came out in the forms of meows, so he was denied the sound of his melodic voice. But he preservered.
"It kind of sounds like he's meowing Kiss the Girl." Kon remarked.
Well, he had changed the lyrics to Kiss the Boy, but it was close enough.
Tim's eyes sharpened. "Dick?"
Finally.
A sick, dizzying sensation crashed through Dick, the world suddenly looking a lot smaller. Or, more accurately, normal sized. Huh, looks like Dick had transformed back.
Kon yelped and threw a cushion at him. Then another cushion. Then a book.
Dick caught all three. "Good instincts." He nodded at Kon.
Kon threw another cushion at him. It seemed to be more out of spite than fear.
“You have superpowers.” Tim said, appalled. Kon's face went red and he avoided Tim's eyes.
Dick grinned. "Welcome to the family."
Tim sighed, hiding his face in his hands. "I hate you."
Dick frowned. He already missed being a cat.
Then Tim launched himself into Dick's arms, squeezing him tight. “Never do that again.” He said, snuggling further into the hug.
Dick smiled. Maybe being a human wasn't so terrible after all.