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Simon watched from the bed while Wilhelm was cleaning up the mess in their room. It was Thursday night and the end of the first term of their third year atHillerska was in sight. The girls had organised a little party on the weekend to celebrate. It would be a small gathering with their best friends at Manor House, hosted by Felice and Madison, in their shared dorm room.
There had been something on his mind for a while now and he wasn’t really sure how to bring it up. He knew he could always talk to Wilhelm, so he decided to give it a go.
‘Hey Wille?’
‘Yeah?’ Wilhelm looked up while holding a shirt in each hand, doing a quick sniff test to see if it needed washing. Something Simon taught him after seeing how he threw everything in his path in the laundry.
‘About the party on Saturday... there will probably be drinks right?’
‘Uhm, yeah probably. Why?’ He decided that the shirts needed washing and threw them in the hamper at the bottom of the closet. He started to collect all the shoes to put in the bottom of the closet as well.
‘Will you be drinking?’ Simon asked, hoping that Wilhelm would start getting the hints.
‘Maybe a little, if you don’t mind’ he looked up, a bit curious, wondering what Simon was getting at. He knew about Simon's history with his dad and how he decided not to drink to avoid becoming like his dad, but he usually didn’t question the alcohol use of others.
Simon held his gaze but kept quiet. Ok, something was up. Wilhelm left the shoes and walked over to the bed. He knelt next to the bed and looked into his eyes, seeing if he could find what was bothering him.
‘I won’t drink if you don’t want me to. I don’t mind’ he explained, getting the feeling that the drinks were the topic here.
‘No, you can drink. I don’t mind’ Simon said without hesitation. Simon knew Wilhelm would behave himself, and there hadn’t been a repeat of the football field. But there was more. He bit his bottom lip, not sure how to form the sentence.
‘Tell me’ Wilhelm caressed his cheek with his thumb. He knew Simon as well as he knew himself and could tell there was something on his mind. He also knew to give him time to speak. Wilhelm was sometimes too quick to think Simon was done speaking, while he had actually more on his mind. He gave him a moment to collect himself.
‘What if I… join you?’ Simon held his gaze and took his hand.
That was new. As far as he knew, Simon had never drunk alcohol before. He wondered why he wanted to now. Did he feel left out when the others were drinking? Did he think people thought he was a party pooper for not joining? Did he want to know what it would be like to drink alcohol?
‘You really don’t have to, my love. People are ok with you not drinking, and screw them anyways, whatever they are thinking. You are already fun enough the way you are. We all love you for who you are, Simon. Really’ and he squeezed his hand lightly.
And what was he supposed to say to that? The sweetest of all boyfriends thought he wanted to join to fit in with their friends. He had the best boyfriend. He gave him a small smile and pushed himself up to give Wilhelm a sweet kiss on his lips.
‘You really are the sweetest, did you know that?’
Wilhelm looked surprised but gave him a smile back. ‘Thanks’ he blushed a little at the compliment. He meant everything he just said.
‘But that’s not why..’ Simon continued.
Wilhelm found his eyes again, waiting for Simon to explain.
‘I just want to know what it feels like’ he started, lacing their fingers together. ‘I want to experience it just one time. I don’t want to get drunk, but I want to know what people are talking about… and why you always get so clingy’
Wilhelm had to avoid his eyes when a small embarrassed smile escaped his lips.
‘I just think that experiencing it one time with you and our best friends by my side, will be the safest moment for me to try, you know?’
‘Hmm’ Wilhelm nodded his head, he did understand where Simon was coming from and would help and support his decisions in any way he could. ‘I understand that you are curious and want to try it. Even if it’s just one time’ he added, pecking Simon’s fingers lightly.
‘And if you don’t like it, or you don’t feel good, we can just leave’ he added, holding his gaze, searching Simon’s reaction.
Simon smiled at him, he was nervous about it but also excited. He knew that most people his age had been drinking alcohol before, but for him, it was a big deal.
‘But you have to promise that you stay with me ok?’ He scrunched his brows together with worry.
‘Of course, I will, my love. I don’t want to be anywhere else’ Wilhelm promised him with ease, not a doubt in his mind.
Simon smiled at him and threw his arm around his neck to pull him onto the bed. Wilhelm complied with a chuckle, climbing on the bed on top of his boyfriend.
———
They were on their way to Felice and Madison’s room and Simon was feeling very nervous. He knew this was his own idea and he wanted to, but he was so nervous that he wasn’t going to feel good and be sick or he was going to enjoy it and become just like his dad. Wilhelm had assured him many times that he wouldn’t turn into his dad from drinking one time but that comes from a guy who doesn’t know how to do laundry, so what did he know about addiction?
They were holding hands while walking into Manor House, hearing music play from different rooms while the doors were open. It seemed that most of Manor House was celebrating tonight and he could see some other boys in the girl’s common room they just passed.
When they stopped in front of the girl’s dorm room, Wilhelm turned to Simon, pulling him into his chest.
‘Whatever happened tonight, you have to promise to tell me how you feel and I promise to stay with you the entire night, ok?’ He took Simon’s face in both of his hands and looked into his eyes. Simon nodded softly and pushed himself up onto his tippy toes to kiss Wilhelm.
‘Thank you. I promise’
Wilhelm leaned down one more time to peck his lips a few quick times in a row. Before they could pull away fully, the door of the room swung open.
‘I could hear you making out’ Madison smirked as she held the door open.
Simon huffed, he loved Madison but god could she be annoying. He pulled away from Wilhelm and walked through the door, pulling a chuckling Wilhelm by his hand.
The room was already pretty full. There was Felice and Madison, of course, Stella and Frederika and Henry and Walter, all sitting on the floor of the cramped room.
After they were all seated on the floor, Madison brought over the bottles of liquor she was hiding under her bed and Felice got out the cups. She lined them up while Madison started pouring the liquor. If Wilhelm could see the label correctly, she was pouring vodka. Cheap and effective.
After all the cups were filled Felice started to hand them out. She handed Wilhelm one and moved on to the next person. Wilhelm gave the cup to Simon.
‘Can I have one more, Felice?’
Felice looked over and saw the cup in Simon’s hand. He could tell she was surprised but didn’t mention it. She grabbed another cup and handed it to Wilhelm. He thanked her and smelled his cup. He was correct, it was vodka. Simon looked into his cup and up at him questionably. Oh right. Simon didn’t know what he was drinking.
‘It’s vodka’ he whispered close to his ear.
Simon nodded.
After all the cups were handed out, Madison wanted to toast. Everybody sat up with their cups in the air.
‘To the third years!’ She exclaimed loudly. While the others repeated it loudly. They all took a bit swig of their drinks - Simon a little - and the music started to play. Everybody started talking to each other and Wilhelm was robbed into a conversation with Felice next to him. Simon started talking with Frederika, while slowly sipping on his drink.
———-
He could feel how Simon had slumped more into his side. He only had one drink himself so far and was going slowly on his second, he didn’t want to get drunk while making sure Simon was ok.
Simon himself had drunk his first drink pretty slowly but without the rationality of his brain, he was drinking the second one a lot quicker.
‘Wille, refill?’ Madi asked.
‘No, I’m good’ he held up his half-full cup.
Simon looked into his cup and pouted that it was empty again.
Wille thought it was cute. God, was his boyfriend cute.
Madi noticed Simon’s pout and gave him a new cup, without a word. Simon took the cup and gave her a toothy grin. Wille gave her a grateful smile, happy that everybody was cool about it. He wouldn’t have expected differently from his friends, who have treated him as one of their own from the beginning.
He watched as Simon started his third drink and giggled into his side.
‘What’s so funny?’ He whispered into Simon’s curls.
‘Nothing and everything’ he chuckled some more while looking up into Wilhelm's eyes. He could see the alcohol had taken hold of some parts of his brain at the way his eyes roamed his face, stopping at his lips.
He wanted to kiss him right there.
‘Hey, love birds’ Felice interrupted them loudly. Rude.
He looked over at Felice, to see what she needed from him and why she had to interrupt him looking at his gorgeous boyfriend.
‘Any nail polish?’ And she held up a bag filled with colourful nail polish.
‘Oh, yes! Me!’ Simon was up before finishing his sentence. Wilhelm chuckled to himself. It seemed like Simon was enjoying himself tonight, and he was glad to be part of this experience with him.
He watched from afar as Madison took Simon’s fingers in hers and started to hold the colours to his nails and hands to see what would be the best skin tone. He couldn’t hear the conversation but could hear them laughing loudly while trying to be sober enough to paint nails.
Wilhelm knew Simon was closer to Madison than Felice, but they seemed to be besties for life right now. Something Wilhelm was very glad for, as Felice had been his best friend for most of their time at Hillerska.
Just when he was about to get up to use the bathroom, Simon seemed in good hands, Walter sat next to him. His cup was almost empty and his hair had fallen in his face a bit.
‘I can’t believe we are already done with the first semester of third year... I can still remember the day you arrived’ and he took a swig from his drink.
Wilhelm remembered the day fondly, the day he saw Simon for the first time. God was he clueless then…
He smiled to himself while he looked into his cup. Taking a small sip.
‘Me too’ he admitted with a soft chuckle, how his life started to change from that day.
‘I can’t imagine what I would do without all of you’ he looked over at his gorgeous boyfriend, who laid on the floor laughing while Madison held his hand in the air to dry his nail polish and Felice doubled over in laughter, almost spilling her drink on Simon’s face. He smiled to himself.
Walter followed his line of sight. ‘Hillerska gave you Simon’.
The statement surprised Wilhelm, it was bold and true. Although Hillerska didn’t give him Simon, it allowed them to meet and inevitably, fall in love.
Simon gave him Simon. And not once, but twice. The first time he fucked it up completely. He was untrue and denied his statement in the first year and lost Simon. He felt the most lost he had ever felt and had fought with every fibre in his being to win him back.
The second time Simon gave him his love, he took it like a glass ball and protected it with all he had, keeping it cushioned like it could break at any second.
‘You are lucky, you know?’ Wilhelm realised he hadn’t responded to the first comment but Walter seemed to be too intoxicated to notice. He followed his line of sight and landed on Henry. Who, in that moment, looked over at Walter and held his gaze for a moment, a soft smile playing on his lips.
Wilhelm was never one to notice these things, same with him and Simon. But tonight, being the one who had drunk the least, he saw it. He saw the look they exchanged and how he and Simon must look to the outside world.
‘Walter, go talk to him. Be honest, be open. Don’t hide the thing you want most’
Walter looked at him with dazed eyes and started to nod slowly. ‘Yes.. good idea.. crown prince’ he said as he scrambled to his feet to go over to Henry.
Wilhelm chuckled and rolled his eyes, nobody ever called him crown prince at school. But Walter didn’t seem to realise, he was over at Henry’s side before he could respond.
And before he could collect his thoughts, he was met with someone crashing into his lap.
He let out a loud exhale of surprise and had a mouth full of curls.
‘Look!’ Simon's fingers dangling in front of his face, freshly painted purple nails clouded his vision. They looked really nice, to be honest, everything looked nice on Simon but maybe he was biased.
‘Wow, cool!’ He took the fingers in his own to inspect a little more. He was surprised at how good it looked, given the state the girls were in.
Simon chuckled some more. ‘I’m having a really good time, Wille’ he saw the dazed eyes looking back at him. ‘I can’t believe you are my boyfriend’ and he felt Simon’s arms around his neck and Wilhelm chuckled.
‘Yeah? Well, I can’t believe you are my boyfriend’ and he snaked his arms around his waist. They have had this discussion many times, never convinced they were the luckier one.
He felt Simon scooting closer onto his lap and cuddling into his neck. He brushed a hand through his curls and kissed his cheek. He felt Simon’s lip curl up into a smile and press a gentle kiss to his neck, while his heavy weight leaned into him. He closed his eyes to enjoy the moment a little longer.
He was overwhelmed with the feeling of love and wanted to kiss him properly. Before he wrapped his mind around it, he felt warm lips on his. He pressed back and his hand moved to gently rub his lower back. He felt the lips move with his and his mouth opened slowly to let Simon in.
Before he realised what was happening, they were being whistled at by the others. Not having realised that their tongues were dancing and how Simon’s fingers had moved into his hair.
He pulled back slightly and felt a blush on his cheeks. Simon didn’t seem to care at all, but the hand fell from his hair and he looked at him with dazed puppy eyes, a soft smile on his lips.
‘Do you want to go back to our room?’ He whispered in the close space between them. Simon nodded in response but kept his eye contact. Wille connected their foreheads and looked at Simon’s hands in his to kiss his fingers gently.
When they got up, he realised how wobbly Simon was on his feet. He put an arm around his waist to support him while they walked over to Madison and Felice to thank them for the party.
When walking back to their dorm room Simon had put his head on Wilhelm's shoulder and at some point, closed his eyes.
‘Simme? Are you feeling alright?’ He asked softly, while Simon stumbled by his side. He only got a hum and chuckle in response. He would make sure Simon drank some water in their room.
After they got back to their room, Simon let himself fall into the bed, face into the pillow. Wille locked the door and toed off his shoes.
A chuckle came from the pillow. ‘This bed is so comfy’ and Simon started to make snow angels in the sheets. It made Wille laugh. The bed really wasn’t that comfortable, and Simon knew it.
‘Well let’s use it to sleep, my love’ Wille walked over to the bed, after plugging his phone in the charger and leaving it on the desk. ‘Let’s brush our teeth and get you undressed’
After brushing their teeth, while Wille had to support Simon's waist and wipe the toothpaste off his chin, he had gotten Simon undressed, while he very unhelpfully giggled on the bed how absurd it was that Wilhelm was undressing him and that he certainly didn’t need any help (he even tried to demonstrate that he was fine but got into a fight with his sock - proving Wilhelms point).
He made sure they both drank a big glass of water before crawling under the sheets himself, Simon clinging to him immediately. While giggling into his shoulder. It made Wilhelm smile.
‘What is so funny?’ he wanted to know what was going on in his mind tonight.
‘The sheets are so soft’ Simon giggled and nuzzled the bed while making a little purring sound. It made Wille's heart melt.
‘You are so comfy’ and Simon climbed on top of him and nuzzled his neck. He could feel a hum of content on his skin. He snaked his arms around Simon’s waist. Simon giggled again. It made his heart sing. He felt relieved that the evening went well for Simon and that he had a good first experience with alcohol, even though it would be his only time drinking ever, he felt lucky to be part of that.
‘You know… I really love you Wille’ he could feel Simon wriggle on top of him, while he tried to demonstrate his love by clinging to every cell of his being. And Wille was the clingy drunk...
‘I really love you too Simon’ he tightened his grip around his waist in the hope of holding him still.
‘No.. not like how much I love you’ It felt like he was trying to crawl into Wille’s skin.
‘Simon?
‘Hmm’
‘You are a clingy drunk’ he chuckled.
‘I’m not even drunk!’ He exclaimed loudly. Exactly what a drunk person would say, it made Wilhelm laugh.
‘Let’s get some sleep baby’ Wilhelm moved them so he could spoon Simon like he had done every night since first year, when Simon started to sneak into his dorm to spend the night.
‘Goodnight my love’ he whispered in his ear. Hoping Simon would get some sleep and wouldn’t be too hungover in the morning.
‘Goodnight daddy’
Wille cackled loudly. Never, ever, had Simon called him daddy. Simon giggled some more. After the laughter subsided, silence took over the room.
0.2 seconds later.
‘I can’t sleep’
‘That’s because you haven’t tried yet baby’
‘Oh’
Wille pulled him closer to his chest and kissed his curls.
It was not much after that, that he heard the soft snoring from his boyfriend.
——-
He felt a slight sting in the right side of the brain when he felt himself float to consciousness. Memories from the night before, slowly formed in his head.
He opened his eyes slowly to see Simon next to him on his tummy, his face pressed into the pillow. A pout on his lips and eyebrows scrunched together, but still asleep.
He slowly stretched his muscles and looked at the curtain to see a little light coming from the edge. Knowing that it must be after 8, for any light to be visible at this time of year.
He needed to pee and his mouth felt like an abandoned sandpit, so getting some water was a must. He gently got out from under the covers, making sure not to wake Simon.
He pulled on a hoodie and found two random socks on the floor before quietly unlocking the door and leaving out into the hallway. He made his way to the bathroom, luckily still empty as it was still too early for most Hillerska residents. After he washed his hands he made his way to the kitchen and filled two glasses with water. On his way back to their room, he wondered how Simon would feel when he woke up. Maybe grabbing some painkillers would be a good idea.
When he made it back to their door, he gently opened the door and made his way back inside. He notices right away that Simon is sitting up on the bed, lips pouty, eyes only half open and looking like someone just told him his cat has died.
‘Where did you go?’ His soft voice cracks a little and his lip wobbles. Wille’s heart breaks a little. Maybe he should have waited till Simon was awake. He had never been hungover before and didn’t know what to expect.
He rushes over with the glasses of water and puts them down on the nightstand. Climbing back in the sheets and taking Simon into his lap.
‘Sorry baby, I had to pee and went to get us some water’ he explains, while kissing his temple.
Simon made an unhappy sound but put his arms around him.
‘How are you feeling? Would you like some water?’
‘Bad and yes’ he said with a cracked voice and his eyes closed.
‘Here, drink this’ he said while handing him one of the glasses from his nightstand and reaching for the painkillers on his desk. He took some out of the foil and gave them to Simon, who took them silently and gulped the water down. He handed to empty glass to Wille and laid back down on his side, his back to Wille.
Wille felt guilty for leaving the room and laid back down too. He had promised Simon to take care of him but instead, he let him wake up to an empty room. He felt like he had failed him, and hoped Simon would forgive him for his mistake.
Before he could spiral more, he felt the back that he was facing scooting closer and closer, until it hit his chest. A hand grabbed his hand, and his arm was pulled around the other’s waist. It made that warm feeling in his heart spread again. He was reminded that Simon loved him and not everything he did was a mistake. He went to get Simon water, he was taking care of him. He stayed with Simon all night and made sure he was safe and well.
He gently kissed Simon's bare shoulder before squeezing him tighter to his chest.
They will be alright.
———
When he woke up again, it was because something was poking his cheek. He was on his side, he licked his lips and swallowed, relieved to feel his mouth was less dry and his headache was gone. He felt the poke on his cheek again.
He slowly opened his eyes to find the source of pokery, when he was met with Simon’s brown eye scanning his face. He could only see one as the other was hiding in the pillow. A gentle smile was on his lips.
He felt the gentle poke on his cheek again and realised that Simon’s fingers were on his cheek. He took the fingers in his hand and pulled them closer. Simon came willingly, climbing half on top him, nuzzling his neck as usual. He seemed to be feeling better. No sad face or pout this time.
‘Sorry, I wasn’t there when you woke up earlier’ he whispered in his curls.
‘That’s ok baby’ he whispered back. ‘You got me water and painkillers; I’m feeling much better’ he had pulled back to look into his eyes. ‘Thank you for that’ he caressed his cheek and rubbed their noses together.
‘Did you have fun last night?’ Wilhelm wondered as he searched his face to make sure he was ok.
‘Yeah... I really did’ a small smile gracing his lips. ‘But I think once was enough’
‘Oh?’
‘Yeah... the deaths of a thousand deaths this morning wasn’t worth it’ and that made Wille laugh.
‘No, I guess you are right’
‘Maybe I will have another drink on a special occasion sometime, but nothing regular.
‘Oh? Like when?’
‘When we graduate... or when we get married’
‘What?’ Everything in Wille paused. Of course, he has thought about marrying Simon, but he never knew it had crossed Simon’s mind as well.
‘What?’ Simon said in the same shocked tone as Wille just did before a smirk covered his lips. ‘I mean, if you don’t leave me to die alone again, that is...’ he adds half shrugging.
And Wille chuckled, lacing his fingers with Simon’s. ‘I won’t, my love’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise’
‘Okay daddy’