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Lightning was beyond grateful for everyone in Radiator Springs. They gave him a crew, a home, and… a family. That word left a bitter taste in the racer's mouth. Family. He can’t remember the last time he had a family. His mom divorced his dad when he was a toddler, and his dad… well he wasn’t the best when it came to love. Him being a drunk would be an understatement. His childhood was mostly spent the night in his father's motorhome, cleaning up empty beer cans, and wandering the campgrounds just outside the dirt tracks in the summertime.
Summer nights were filled with roaring engines from the races that were not too far away from the campgrounds. When the cramped camper ended up overheating at night, Lightning occasionally found himself wandering to the tracks for some cool air. He’d grab a few cement blocks so he could peer over to see.
His father was a mechanic and worked with the racers. It didn’t take long before Lightning became obsessed with the idea of becoming a racer. His father thought he moved around too much and put him to work at the age of ten. Lightning didn’t mind too much. Hey, he got to see the cars up close! His ten-year-old self was beyond the moon just to see some of the cars— racers or not.
He was given a beat-up car with the number 95 on it on his fourteenth birthday after years of helping out in the workshop. It was probably the one good thing his dad ever did for him…
Fourteen through seventeen was the most brutal years of his life. Most of their income came from Lightning’s races. His father would bet all his money on him, and if he lost— sometimes getting into a wreck would be better than the punishment.
Wintertime was his least favorite season. No racing, no fun, only school and the bitter coldness that the months gave him. He was smart when he tried, but of course, kids were assholes and one thing about Lightning is that he does not back out from a fight. Of course, his father didn’t care. His only rule was: if you start it, you better finish it.
He can’t remember at what age he started to hate the world. Maybe it was the hot summers and having to camp outside just so the mosquitoes could feast on him while his dad was at some bar somewhere, or the winters when the heater would bust and he’d retrieve to some local diner just for some warmth. Maybe it was the arguments between him and his father about his performance on the track, the constant ever-looming raise of his father's voice and hand.
He learned that he needed to be a good racer to survive— no, he needed to be the best. If he wasn’t first, then he might as well have been last or not race at all. Failure was not an option.
Harv found him when he was seventeen. A video taken by a stranger went viral about a kid surpassing racers in their 20-30s. He was cocky even before fame. Harv loved that. He loved the cockiness and the charm the seventeen-year-old gave and recruited him immediately.
Lightning remembers the screaming match his dad put up with Harv. Deep down, Lightning was weary of the idea of getting into a fancy car with some stranger and signing a contract to become a real racer. A part of him hoped that his dad wasn’t ready to give him up but he watched his father walk out of the room with a check and a smile. He didn't say a word. No goodbye, no nothing. Harv refused to tell the kid how much money he gave him, but it was enough for his dad to buy a fancy new car and move away to the other side of the country.
He hasn’t heard from him since.
Looking back at it now, everything that happened was very illegal, but Lightning was almost eighteen and he was finally accomplishing his dreams. Harv made him believe that he saved him. No more dirty trailer parks, no more cold nights, no more black eyes and bloody noses, no more struggling. And especially no more rusted-up cars that looked like they only had one race left in it. He promised the kid that he would never have to get his hands dirty ever again. That’s the pit crew's job. He just had to look pretty and win— which he did.
The fear of losing was still coursing through his nerves constantly. Luckily, he rarely lost. He wanted to make Harv proud because he couldn’t make his dad proud.
The older man made sure to remind Lightning that he made him and he could take it all back, meaning dropping him back into the trashy campgrounds where he found him.
Mack always made sure Lightning was alright after a loss. Harv and Mack often would have it out afterward if Harv started to go off on the kid.
“Lay off Lightning, he did his best!”
“Yeah, maybe for the hick races where I found him! This is pathetic!”
Often Harv would say he could find a new racer, one that won’t screw him over. And of course, Mack was right by his side when Lightning would spiral. At least he was never alone. Mack was always there for him after every game. Win or lose.
When he won, Harv was ecstatic and always mentioned that he never doubted him one bit. Lightning struggled to figure Harv out. After years of working with him, the guilt never seemed to leave. Should he be grateful? He hated the campground and his dad's beaten-up camper that was a whole health hazard. The cockroaches crawling on the tables, making their home in the empty beer cans and sink. He hated the neighbors who always put him on edge. The constant lingering smell of cigarette smoke radiating from his dad and almost every resident in a mile radius. He prayed that he could escape. There was no winning in his situation, so he decided to be thankful for the luxury and the fame.
Radiator Springs was different. It was small and quaint, very different from the town he grew up in. Everyone was nice— maybe a little too nice. He paid the price, he did the community service. It was a cruel and unusual punishment, but they still fed him and made sure it wasn’t killing him. Still better than his dad’s punishments, he admits.
Doc gave him a home. It was his spare bedroom that eventually got turned into Lightning’s room. It was his and it was clean and warm and— he never had a room. Just a dirty torn-up couch under a sunroof. The walls were decorated with band posters and racers he idolized. There were polaroids of him with Sally, Mater, and Doc. He treasured these walls. He felt safe and loved. And oh how foreign it felt. Mack was the only one who made him feel remotely safe and secure and now there’s a whole town there for him.
And suddenly, it’s suffocating.
It’s too much. They’re doing too much and he doesn’t deserve this. He’s just some cocky race car driver that got stuck in some small town in Arizona who wrecked their road and was a prick, and now they’ve welcomed him in with open arms. He’s made friends— a best friend . He never had any friends growing up. He was too busy with racing or working in the shop to do normal kid things— not that he could afford to go to the movies or anything. Plus, he had fought most of the kids in his grade by the time he reached junior year.
And then there was Doc who always woke him up just as the sun started to rise to train. He doesn’t understand why Doc still keeps him around or why he showed up to his race after the paparazzi invaded the town where Mack took him away.
Sooner or later, Doc would be disappointed. Everyone will be. His cocky narcissistic attitude will appear and everyone will hate him again. He loves this place. Lightning refuses to leave just yet, but he knows the time is soon.
Lately, he’s been getting snippy with Doc. Just little snarky remarks about training that normally would never come out of the enthusiastic kid. Doc let it slide. The kid has been through a lot of training the past few weeks and does look pretty worn. It was easy to brush off the bags and pale complexion at first, but after a few weeks, Doc's worries started to rise.
Lightning is rarely home. Doc assumes he’s with Mater doing lord knows what. He swears their brain cells evaporate when they step foot in the same room.
Usually, lunchtime after training Doc and Lightning would go to Flo’s, but the racer has been taking a break. It's the off-season, and he’s glad the kid might be getting some rest. Unexpectedly, Doc found himself bumping into Sally. He knows the kid has a huge crush on the girl. He is not good at hiding it.
“Lightnin’ with you?” The older man asks Sally who sat alone at a table.
“No, I thought he was with you training. I asked Mater but he hasn’t seen him either,” she sighs. “I haven’t seen him in days. Is he okay?”
Doc is certain that something is going on with his kid. He barely sees him anymore and he lives with him! He bites his tongue before speaking. “Yeah, everything is alright, Sally. Don’t worry.”
He knows that Sally can see right through him but there’s nothing he can do at the moment besides give false hope. Sally's frown moves to a small smile. He can also see right through her.
The whole town has been “off” the past few weeks and obviously, it's the lack of the obnoxious loud racer. They don’t know how they survived without Lightning before he arrived. And oh was it dull. There has always felt like there was something missing from their small town and they found it that night when the speedster ran into their town— into their hearts. It only took three days but he grew on them. Doc especially, although he refuses to show it.
Doc got back into his Hornet and drove slowly back home. Lightning's car was gone, so all he had to do was wait for the kid to come home even if it meant staying up late— which he did.
The door creaked open around 10 PM. Lightning threw his keys into a bowl on the table nearby and quietly crept into the living room where Doc sat.
“Jesus!” Lightning yelped. “I- I uh didn’t see you there.”
Doc looked the boy up and down. He was in a pair of jeans and a basic tee. No scrapes or bruises. You’re going soft. He shook his head. “You’re out late.” He says casually.
“I’m an adult. I don’t need to come home when the street lights turn on.” Lightning mumbles. He walks into the kitchen and rummages through the fridge for a water bottle.
“Lightnin’, you do know if something’s bothering you, you can tell me, right?” Doc said, breaking the silence between the two.
Lightning’s head shot back up as he stumbled back. “I’m fine, Doc.”
Now, Doc hasn’t known Lightning for long, but he knows the kid pretty damn well, and if he says he’s fine then he is absolutely not fine. The kid’s as stubborn as him.
Doc stood up from his chair and blocked Lightning from going to his room. “Get in the Hornet. Me and you are taking a little drive.” Lightning rolled his eyes before obeying the older man's orders.
The cool night brought a comfortable atmosphere to the two. Doc noticed Lightning becoming more and more relaxed. As usual, his plan was working. Unfortunately, Lightning couldn’t stay still for long. His knee started to bounce while his fingers tapped lightly.
“Sally tells me that you haven’t been in town,” Doc says.
Lightning’s taps come to an abrupt halt. “Yeah, I’ve been busy I guess.” The racer's voice is soft and barely heard from the hum of the engine.
“Busy doin’ what?” Doc asks but is only given silence from the young boy. He begins to slow down to pull over. He notices Lightning’s eyes dart everywhere but his own. His shaggy blond hair hides most of his face, but Doc can see his glazed-over eyes. “I know you’re not busy, you haven’t been training with me, and there haven’t been any disturbances in the town since you and Mater haven’t been hanging out with that one brain cell you both share.” A small chuckle came from the blond but his expression was quick to change back to the same old bleak look he had been seeing on the kid the past few weeks.
Stubborn was Lightning's favorite thing to be. And hell, was he good at it.
“Lightnin’, please tell me what’s going on,” Doc pleaded. “You’re starting to worry me— hell you’re worrying us all!”
Lightning’s eyes were fixed on something in front of him. Mostly a desperate attempt to not look his mentors in the eyes. “Do we have to do this right now?” The boy whined.
“No, we are having this conversation right now, son!” Doc fumed.
Guilt overcame him as he watched Lightning jump back. Cautiously he brought his hand to the boy's shoulder, fighting against the jerk.
“Shoot, Kid, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Doc apologized. “I just care about you.”
Lightning’s blue eyes grew glassy as he finally made eye contact with the older man. He breathed in a shaky breath and nearly choked on a sob. “Doc, I’m— I’m sorry.”
Doc made sure to not pull away from the boy despite the shock of watching him crumble up in his car. Lightning was never vulnerable like this. Watching him be anything but energetic and loud felt unnatural.
“Oh kid…” Doc sighed. “There’s nothing to apologize for, it's alright. Just tell me what’s buggin’ you.”
Lightning finally looked up with rosy cheeks and tears falling onto his lap. “I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this place, I don’t deserve Sally, or Mater, or you— oh god, especially not you!” Lightning bawled. “You let me live in your house and I’ve been an asshole and everyone probably hates me again and it's all my fault!”
Doc could physically feel his heart drop. It hurt for his kid and he was determined to fix it. “Why do you think that?” He asks.
“I just don’t understand why everyone’s so nice to me after I wrecked their town… I know sooner or later I'll end up messing up again.”
“Well, of course, you’ll mess up,” Doc replies. Lightning’s mouth opens, earning a small chuckle from Doc. “You’ll mess up because you’re human and still learning. Plus, you’re young and very dumb. It's bound to happen.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Doc.” Lightning mumbles with an eye roll.
“But I’ll always be there for you when you do eventually mess up and I'll do my best to help.”
Lightning sniffs. “Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it, genuinely.”
The two sat in silence and admired the calm atmosphere the desert brought. The stars were visible tonight, creating a twinkling masterpiece. Doc noticed Lightning’s body starting to slouch in the seat. His eyes were drooping and that was his cue to start the car.
“Best we get back home before sunrise,” Doc chuckled. Lightning looked up and hummed. He remained slouched with his eyelids half closed. He appeared way younger with his messy blonde hair covering his face.
“Doc,” Lightning's voice suddenly called out. It was soft and raspy. Doc hummed and waited for the kid to respond after a small pause. “I don’t want to go back.”
Doc scrunched up his eyebrows and glanced back at the slouched boy. “Monty, I’m not sure I’m following,” Doc said. He rarely used Lightning’s name unless it was serious. His anxiety started to surge at the brokenness of his voice. “You don’t want to go back to our home?”
Lightning took in a shaky breath. “No, I— I do!” he sputtered. “I’m just scared I guess. I never had a home, ya know? And now that I have one, I'm worried that I’ll eventually lose it…”
“Lose it?” Doc questioned. “Lightning, you’re not gonna lose anything.”
“You don’t know that.” Lightning mumbled.
“And why is that?”
“What if you see me the same way you saw me when I first arrived here? What if I mess up again and everyone wants me out again? I don’t want to go back!”Lightning bawled. Tears fell from his now bloodshot eyes and his body trembled.
The car was nearing their shared home now, but both of them refused to get out even when Doc parked in the garage.
“Oh, Monty,” Doc sighed. “I never hated you, I saw myself in you and you showed me that you are capable of change. You have continued to make me prouder of you each and every day. You’re not the same kid you were when you arrived and wrecked our road. Everyone here adores you, Lightnin’ and it's not hard to see why. You’re kind, always eager to help out, and passionate about everything you do. No one will ever force you out because you’re my kid. I’m proud to call you son.”
Son.
That word rang in Lightning’s head for a while before he could process everything Doc had said. No one has said anything so nice and meaningful to him before besides Mack. All his life he has felt lost with no direction, constantly searching for validation from whoever could give it to him whether that be Harv, fans, or his dad before he left. But this time, it felt true. This time he believed it because it was coming from Doc. He looked up to the man for years and never thought that he would ever get the chance to meet him, let alone be his mentor. Lightning was never good at vulnerability or processing his own emotions. Everything went to anger or got shoved deep down inside of him and was only let out to fuel him for his races. Lately, he refused to let the anger win and allowed himself to feel the negative emotions that weren’t anger. For years he has been crippled by his father's words and the lack of comfort, resulting in walls being put up to somehow protect him, which ended up failing. Fear once plagued him every time anyone got vulnerable with him. He didn’t want anyone to know how he truly felt. Masking for years caused him to forget how to feel as a human because the fans loved his cocky attitude and Harv would’ve had his head if people found out he didn't grow up in the nicer parts of California. God, if only people knew he was from a trashy trailer park then his image would be ruined.
For the first time in a long time, Lightning didn't feel fear of letting his guard down. He felt safe. Because Doc looked at him with soft eyes ready to wrap him up in a warm embrace. This was home. This is where he was meant to be. Gosh, Lightning felt so silly, but so loved at the same time.
“I love you, Doc.” Lightning said before nearly diving into Doc’s chest.
“Love you too, kiddo,” Doc whispered as he wrapped his arms around his kid.