Work Text:
"Oh god," Chan moaned. The fabric of the couch was slightly abrasive against his face, where he was currently pressed into one of the cushions. "I blew it," he said. "I had one chance with the most beautiful man alive and I absolutely blew it."
Changbin patted Chan's shoulder. "Hyung, I'm sure it wasn't that bad, come on."
"I'm not," Jisung said. Changbin glared. Chan actually stopped his wailing and lifted his face to look at him. "What? Channie hyung hasn't stopped his caterwauling since he walked in the door, how could we possibly know how bad it is or isn't?"
"I mean, lie to him," Changbin said. "The man is clearly distraught."
"Okay, neither one of you is actually helping," Chan said.
"I got you to stop crying on the couch," Jisung muttered under his breath.
"And anyway," Chan said, choosing to ignore him. "It doesn't matter because I blew it."
-
Chan and Felix met online.
Chan swiped to Felix's profile and lost twenty minutes just staring at his pictures. There was something about him that Chan couldn't look away from.
I don’t have ghosts on my list. Like, I don’t want to believe in them but I’m not ruling anything out. I’ve been buying a lot of fruits lately. For example carrots, cucumbers, and also yogurt.
Chan had no idea what any of that meant. He thought he might be in love.
Felix was beautiful, yes, but more than that Chan just felt a connection. Like the two of them were meant to meet. Like something tied the two of them together, maybe even from before Chan was born.
It was agony waiting to see if Felix would message him. Chan normally didn't touch his phone while he worked, but after he saw Felix's profile he couldn't stop picking it up. Hoping he had missed a notification. Checking his messages.
Chan nearly fell off his chair when the notification finally went off, scrambling to grab it from his desk.
hi
I see
you are
also from
Sydney
:)
nice to
meet
another aussie
hey!!!!! definitely greatttt to meet another sydney lad hahaha
Chan cursed looking down at what he just typed. "Lad?" he muttered to himself. "Figure it out, Chris."
Before he could decide what to say next, his phone buzzed in his hand.
so
tell me
about yourself :)
what are you doing
today
Chan took a deep breath. This was easy. He could do this. It was fine.
Oh nm!!! Just working hahaha. Been kinda busy lately hbu
There. That was fine. Normal? The longer Chan looked at the message he sent the more he started to question himself. That was how normal people texted, right? And Chan was totally normal. Totally normal and not freaking out whatsoever. Should he send another text? Just to make sure he sounded cool and casual and normal. Yeah, he decided, another text would be safe. He put his phone down and then picked it back up. It buzzed.
oh really?
that's cool
what do you do
for example
as your job
I'm a musician and a producer!!!! Hahaha yeahhhh good times gooooood times
-
"Okay I'm starting to be impressed that this guy went on a date with you in the first place," Jisung said.
Chan moaned. "I know!"
"But presumably he heard all that and still decided he wanted to go on a date with you," Changbin said. "So it can't be all bad, surely?"
"If only," Chan said.
-
Despite the rough start, the next two days Chan texted Felix nonstop. Felix asked Chan what he liked about music, what inspired him, what he liked to do in his downtime. In turn, Chan learned that Felix had moved to Korea for school, that he was studying dance and photography, that he did taekwondo up until he left Australia and he still missed it sometimes. Chan found himself opening up more than he usually did, talking to Felix about his process and how he and Jisung and Changbin worked together. Chan was obsessed with the way that Felix wrote his texts. Every message unfurled like a trail of breadcrumbs leading Chan to the treasure that was Felix’s thoughts and feelings.
It all made him feel totally out of control.
He knew he should try to play things a little cooler, but every time his phone buzzed with a notification he dove straight for it. He couldn't stop smiling at the cute way that Felix used his words, and more than that Chan was enjoying getting to know him.
They agreed to meet for lunch the following week and Chan was a complete wreck. He didn't sleep the best under normal circumstances and these weren't that. He was jittery and anxious and excited and spent the days leading up to their meeting a distracted mess.
Chan would like to blame what happened on the fact that he was exhausted, but he didn't think he could even put it down to that. He was just that big of a loser.
-
“No, hyung! You're not a loser.”
“Hold on, let's not jump to conclusions. Let him finish.”
-
Chan arrived fifteen minutes early to their date. The cafe was unfamiliar to him and even though he looked up their menu online he wanted a chance to scope things out before Felix got there.
Unfortunately, as he approached from the other side of the street, Chan saw that his hopes of getting there first were dashed. Before he even crossed the street, there was Felix, visible through the window at the front of the cafe. He was sitting at a booth, and he had a cup of something steaming on the table next to him. His blond hair was gleaming in the sunlight, and even through the glass Chan could make out a hint of his freckles, spread across his cheeks dotted like icing sugar on the croissant Chan had decided ahead of time that he wanted.
A car honked as Chan started to cross the road, too distracted to even look both ways before he stepped out into the street. Maybe the noise caught Felix’s attention, or maybe he just had a feeling about Chan’s arrival–either way he looked up just in time to make eye contact. Chan raised his hand in a dorky little wave, and watched, awe-struck as a smile spread across Felix’s face welcoming Chan home.
Chan jogged the last several steps towards the cafe’s front entrance, not wanting to make Felix wait a second longer. He reached out for the handle and pushed.
-
“I’m still not seeing the problem here,” Changbin said.
“I am,” Jisung said.
“Thank you!” Chan said, pointing at his friend. “You get it!”
“Wait,” Changbin said, looking back and forth between the two of them. “What does he get?” He looked at Jisung. “What do you get?”
“He waved!”
“Wait, what?” Chan said. “What? Ha ha, come on no, that’s not it.”
“Okay then, ‘he felt like home’?” Jisung said, using air quotes. “Hyung, that’s got to be it, right? Tell me that’s what you’re talking about.”
Chan looked at him. “No?” he said. “Obviously not.” He looked back and forth between his two friends. “What’s wrong with that? It’s how I felt.”
Jisung opened his mouth, but Changbin put a hand out to stop him.
“Maybe you should let hyung tell us what he’s talking about,” he said.
They both turned to face him.
“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Chan asked. “I pushed! I pushed!”
“You… pushed?” Changbin and Jisung exchanged another look. “What does that mean… exactly?”
“On the door,” Chan said, dropping his head back into his hands. “I pushed on the door.” No one said anything. “It was a pull! I pushed on a pull door.”
Hesitantly Changbin reached out and gingerly patted Chan’s shoulder. “There… there?” he said. “Hyung, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”
From the floor, Jisung looked like he wanted to say something but he was laughing too hard to speak.
“He saw me do it too,” Chan said sadly. “We were making eye contact and everything. I tried to play it off, but I pushed like… really hard, you guys.”
Jisung wheezed.
-
After a few attempts Chan saw the little “PULL” sign on the door and figured out what the problem was. He took a deep breath and easily pulled the door open. He debated for a few seconds: should he go straight to the counter and order something or say hello to Felix first? A few minutes to let his heart stop racing and let some of his blush recede would probably be a good thing, but Felix was still smiling. He lifted his hand, and Chan had no choice but to walk over to the table Felix had picked out for them.
“Hi,” Chan said. Felix grinned wider, his eyes dancing. Chan wished he could tell himself that Felix hadn’t seen any of the door fiasco, but he obviously had. He didn’t look like he wanted to pack up and leave, though. So that was a good thing, right? Chan could probably salvage this.
“I’m a bit early,” Felix said. His voice was deep and rich, and if his freckles weren’t enough to send Chan straight to gonesville, his voice sealed the deal.
“That’s–okay,” Chan said. His voice cracked halfway through and he contemplated the likeliness of the floor opening up beneath his feet. Surely, that would be kinder. He gestured with his thumb over his shoulder. “I’m gonna go–get something. Are you good? Need anything?”
Felix smiled again and Chan noticed he had the most adorable eye crinkles. Like Chan could curl up inside the little divots and never come out again.
“I’m good,” Felix said. Chan was fairly certain he was laughing at him by now, but well, no way out but through.
He went to the counter to order a drink and the pastry he had been looking forward to, smiling at the barista as they prepared his order. Chan took several deep breaths, hoping to get his heartbeat under control before he rejoined Felix at their table.
The back of his neck prickled as he waited at the counter for his order, and he turned slightly towards where Felix was sitting. He caught Felix looking at him for a brief moment, before turning back to his phone and typing something. Probably texting his friends what a ginormous loser his date was, Chan thought. He couldn’t believe he was out on a date with the most beautiful man he had ever seen and he already blew his chance before they had the chance to actually have their date.
Still, it wasn’t like Felix was running screaming for the hills. The barista had filled his cup up to the very brim, so Chan took a small sip before juggling the mug with his plate and ensuring to take small steps so that nothing would spill or fall as he rejoined the table.
“Hi again,” Felix said when Chan put his dishes down on the table and slid into the booth.
Felix was smiling, those devastating eye crinkles making another appearance. Up close, the freckles were somehow even more charming, and Chan quickly put his hands under his thighs to prevent him from doing something truly ridiculous like reaching out and tracing his fingers along the patterns.
“Hi,” Chan said inanely. “Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“I was early,” Felix said. His smile widened.
“What?” Chan asked after another moment.
Felix ducked his head, his bangs falling over his face. Chan wanted nothing more than to reach out and brush them out of his face.
“You have,” Felix said, and gestured to his upper lip.
Chan clapped both hands over his mouth. “Oh my gosh.” He wiped his palm over his lip, feeling his face heat once again. “What the heck,” he said. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be,” Felix said. “It’s cute.”
-
“Okay, see! Changbin said. “You rallied, hyung. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
Chan didn’t say anything.
Jisung looked at him. “There’s more, isn’t there?”
Chan covered his face and let out a long groan. “There’s more,” he confirmed.
-
The rest of the date went well. Chan loved listening to Felix speak, he was funny and had such an interesting way with words that had Chan asking question after question just to hear what he had to say. They stayed for long enough that Chan even convinced Felix to let him buy them both another drink.
When they were gathering up their belongings to leave, Chan helped Felix put on his jacket. He swayed forward, catching a whiff of Felix’s scent as he did. He smelled warm and just a little spicy, and Chan honest to god felt his mouth water.
Maybe that was why.
He had no other explanation for why when he went to open the door so they could leave–
-
“Hyung, you didn’t,” Chanbin said.
Jisung was already on the floor.
Chan nodded sadly. He did. He pulled.
-
“Um,” Felix said, after honestly way too long. “I think you have to push, hyung.”
“Oh,” Chan said.
Felix reached past him and pushed the door open, holding it gallantly for Chan to walk through.
Chan kind of wanted to die. Like probably there weren’t any documented cases of people dying from humiliation, but how sure could anyone really be about that fact? Like at this moment it felt entirely possible that Chan was about to expire from mortification. Like getting it wrong when he arrived wasn’t ideal, obviously. Not a good look, but it was possible he could have recovered. The date went well otherwise, they had both possibly almost forgotten about the first blunder. But then! Then! To make the exact same mistake on the way out?
There was no coming back from that, there just wasn’t.
-
“That’s it,” Chan finished. “I waited with him until his ride arrived, we said goodbye, and then I came straight here.”
Jisung was still on the floor. Changbin looked like he wanted to laugh too, but he was taking pity on his pathetic friend, and honestly? Chan was grateful for it. That’s how bad things were, he was thankful for Changbin’s pity.
Finally Jisung took several deep breaths and pulled himself off the floor, settling next to Chan on the couch.
“Maybe it wasn’t that bad,” he said. The kind thought was undermined by how Jisung was still struggling to catch his breath.
Chan looked to Changbin. “Listen, hyung,” he said. “There are other fish in the sea, don’t set your heart on hearing back from this one.”
The thing was, Chan knew Felix would never ghost him. It just wasn’t his style. He would get a text telling him they were better off as friends, or that Felix was really busy right now and he didn’t have time to see Chan again, or maybe he would just be honest and tell Chan he didn’t date sad pathetic losers. Either way, it was hopeless.
The other thing was, Chan was afraid his heart was already set on Felix.
-
hyunjinnie
I honestly
met the cutest
guy
today
I need him
to fuck me
immediately