Chapter Text
October 31, 1981
Halloween promised to be a mellow day, which was very much needed after the stress of his mother’s health scare.
It was Harry’s second Halloween and the fifteen month old was now big enough to appreciate many of the traditions. They wouldn't be able to trick or treat, but Sirius and the Potters would give the little boy the best day they possibly could.
Remus was not invited.
Remus was not supposed to be there. A few days ago he had left a mission early to be with his mother in the hospital, so he didn't mind plans not including him. He also, privately and selfishly, was very glad to have the day to spend with just Regulus.
Or… he would have. If he knew where Regulus was.
“Pads? You haven't seen Mal anywhere, have you?” Remus asked, glancing under the sofa and frowning while Sirius got himself ready to head out. This meant stashing a dozen pumpkins, five bags of candy, several candy apples, and a whole host of decorations into a bag with an extension charm on it.
The cat only ever hid when he was actively in a snit and someone had watched him go. He had never fallen asleep out of sight. He knew not to. He always came when called, or at least made some noise when called if he was being too lazy to move. He didn't ignore Remus. Even when he was angry.
“You can check my room,” Sirius offered, frowning, “Do you think he got out? We never use the bloody door anymore.”
“No, we don't…” Remus agreed, stepping into Sirius’s room and casting a revelio charm that showed no sign of the cat, then looking under the bed anyway. He shifted the bedding, lifted the pillows, even checked in the damn closet and dug through the hamper. Nothing.
“What the fuck?” he muttered, his stomach churning.
The most likely scenario was that Regulus was fucking with him. He almost never left without telling Remus or leaving a note, but it had happened a few times. Always on days like today, when they had nothing else planned. It was incredibly unlikely someone had managed to show up and kill or kidnap Regulus without either of them knowing.
Unfortunately, it was very possible for someone to kill or kidnap Regulus if he was out on his own god only knew where doing god only knew what.
“Hey, Moony, relax. He's a cat. Cats are great at taking care of themselves, he'll be fine,” Sirius said, pulling him into a hug, “Now stop sorting through my dirty shirts.”
“He was half dead when I found him…” Remus pointed out glumly, “I'm not confident in his survival skills, he's a pampered little thing.”
Sirius made a slightly strangled noise, worry passing over his face, then he shook his head and grinned, “He'll be fine. You'll see.”
Remus nodded and mumbled thanks and sent Sirius off to the Potters with well wishes for everyone.
This left Remus alone in the flat with his thoughts. For half an hour he spiraled, grappling with attempts to stay calm, mentally listing off places he was most likely to be. He was fidgety and restless and annoyed and worried.
Then, there was a knock on the door. His bedroom door, to be precise, and all the fear drained out of him because Regulus was fine. He was just up to something, which generally ended well for Remus, although he wanted to wring his porcelain neck for vanishing like that. Remus groaned, rubbing his face with his hands, his mind composing a thorough dressing down that sounded too much like his mother.
He opened the bedroom door– then promptly closed it, turning to stare out at the living room furniture.
Regulus had apparently gotten into the holiday spirit, finding himself a costume. If it could even be called that. Presumably it was Little Red Riding Hood- because of course it was- based on the red stockings and hood he was wearing. Along with that was lingerie, black leather straps around his chest that accentuated his chest and only just managed to cover his nipples, black panties underneath a garter belt that was holding up the stockings.
Remus took a deep breath, calming himself, because he needed to keep control of the situation and not just rip the lingerie off Regulus and fuck him into the mattress.
After steeling himself, Remus went back into the room. Regulus smirked at him, aware of the effect he'd had and damn proud of it. Remus simply crossed his arms and frowned.
“And where have you been?” Remus asked, his tone even.
Regulus shrugged, “Out.”
“You're not supposed to leave without telling me, at least a note, you know that, it's dangerous,” Remus scolded.
Regulus bit his lip and his eyes lit up, “What are you going to do about it?”
“I'm thinking about walking out this door and spending the day reading on the couch,” Remus replied, pointing his thumb towards the door behind him. He knew that Regulus wouldn't risk being in human form in any other part of the apartment, just in case Sirius decided to pop in for something he forgot, and if Remus made good on his threat then Regulus’s plans for the day would be thoroughly ruined.
(There was absolutely no possibility of Remus making good on his threat, he just needed to remind his brat he could.)
Regulus finally dropped the cocky demeanor, lunging across the room and wrapping his arms around Remus’s neck, an angry pout on his face.
“Remmy, you wouldn't!” he complained, though his eyes were searching and he was clearly grappling with the possibility he'd pushed too far. Good. That was what Remus was after.
“Promise you were safe?” Remus asked, placing his hands on Regulus’s waist, fingertips brushing against the leather straps of his outfit, palms flush against his bare skin.
“Always. Promise,” Regulus said without hesitation, nodding.
“Alright, then, but if you start doing that often we'll have a problem,” Remus warned.
“I won't,” Regulus said, pressing himself against Remus.
“I still need to punish you for today,” Remus purred and Regulus wriggled happily against him.
—
A few hours later, Regulus was sprawled out on the bed, blissfully passed out, and Remus had settled on the couch, feeling content, watching the trick or treaters on the street below.
The floo cast the cozy living area of Remus and Sirius’s flat in emerald, and Sirius stepped out. He looked tired, but the good kind that came from a busy day with people he loved. He had the most genuine smile on his face Remus had seen in months, if not years.
“Have a good Halloween at the Potters?” Remus asked, stretching as he stood. He crossed to the kitchen, putting the kettle on.
“Yeah. It was great. Harry loved playing with the pumpkin guts,” Sirius said, a fond smile on his face.
“There's still some trick or treaters out, if you want to look,” Remus said, pointing to the window, “I like being in a muggle area, it's good to see life outside the war.”
“Yeah?” Sirius asked, an odd look on his face.
“Mm. Sometimes I think about how, if I'd been a muggle, my life would have been so much simpler. Even if I'd been a squib,” he sighed, “Because mam's muggle born, I just… would have been a muggle… never known about any of this…”
“School would have been boring,” Sirius pointed out, and Remus chuckled as he finished the tea and carried two mugs over to where Sirius was still standing in front of the fireplace.
“Muggles get up to pranks, too, you know,” Remus said, bumping his shoulder against Sirius's. The two went over to watch out the window, looking down on the happy children dressed as witches and werewolves without any knowledge of the horrible realities of those things.
“Lily said she's been missing you, I could call them, if you'd like,” Sirius said, holding up the two-way mirror.
Remus looked up and smiled. With the missions, he didn't get to see them often, and he was pleasantly surprised by Sirius’s offer. “I'd like that. I imagine they're putting Harry down for bed about now?”
“Yeah, give them half an hour to settle in.”
—
James Potter always answered when Sirius called by mirror. Always. The longest it had ever taken him to respond was two minutes.
Three minutes after Sirius had pulled the mirror out and called for James, his face was pale and his hands were shaking.
Remus didn't waste his breath on encouragement, he was as petrified as Sirius. The unhealthy level of attachment between Sirius and James had lasted a decade. The Potters should be having a nice, quiet night. There was no reason for there to be a delay in answering.
Their eyes met over the mirror surface, and then cracks of apparition dropped them in Godric's Hollow.
The now familiar, sickening green light set a putrid tinge over the idyllic cottage. Neither of them looked up, they didn't need to, they knew the Dark Mark would be in the sky. The front door had been blasted open, and Harry’s terrified screams could be heard from the nursery.
When they stepped inside, Sirius saw James, lying on his back, eyes staring sightlessly at the ceiling. The black haired man threw himself at his adoptive brother, letting out an inhuman noise of pain.
‘This isn't possible… Sirius was the Secret Keeper… he'd never betray them…’
The way Sirius was babbling apologies and begging James's forgiveness and insisting this was all his fault might have made someone else doubt Sirius’s loyalty. It just convinced Remus that something had gone horribly wrong. The way Sirius was cradling his fallen friend, Remus couldn't believe he was the one who betrayed him.
“Padfoot,” Remus said, placing a hand on his shoulder, “Harry.”
Sirius jolted, realizing the child was still wailing. He nodded jerkily and Remus pulled him by the elbow towards the stairs. There was no sign of a duel. James’s wand lay uselessly on the couch. They didn't have their wands. They believed they were safe.
It was terrible.
The sight of the nursery was surreal. Two dead bodies and a child wailing in his crib. Remus had only ever seen photos of Voldemort, had never expected to see him lifeless in his best friends’ home a foot away from Lily’s body.
“PA-FOO!” the boy shrieked at the sight of his godfather, pulling up to stand and grabbing for him. His face was wet with tears and snot, red and blotchy, with a cut on his forehead.
Sirius was across the room in a flash, his godson's pleas stronger than the grief.
Somehow, Remus managed to make his way to the kitchen to prepare a bottle the way Lily had taught him. Somehow they ended up in Lily and James's bedroom, the only place untouched by death. Somehow, they got Harry soothed and the strange cut on his forehead healed enough to stop bleeding.
“Sirius,” Remus said, weakly, “How?”
“Wormtail,” Sirius spat with a venom that Remus had not heard from him before, and Harry whimpered against his godfather's chest, “We switched Secret Keepers.”
“Why?!”
“I was the obvious choice,” Sirius said with a broken laugh, “Too obvious. If we switched–” a manic laugh bubbled up from him, and the baby on his chest fussed, “I thought it was safer.”
The look on his face was terrifying. A deranged smile. Then Harry whimpered and it fell as his attention returned to his now orphaned godson.
“And you did think I was the spy,” Remus murmured.
“I'm sorry.” The sound was broken, wet and miserable. “Please, forgive me.”
“I don't blame you,” Remus said bitterly, the secret he was still harboring weighing heavily on him. In that moment, he wished he had been the spy. If Remus had been the one to betray them, their friends would still be alive.
—
There were many people that might have shown up after the Order was alerted to what had happened at the Potters’. Hagrid was so far down that list that Remus wondered briefly if he was hallucinating when the mammoth man appeared.
Keeping Harry with his godfather was apparently going to be a fight. Fortunately, having Harry asleep on his chest, tiny hands balled in his shirt, seemed to give Sirius the confidence to fight for him.
“Dumbledore’s the best person to keep him safe,” Hagrid insisted.
“Then why didn’t James and Lily make him Harry’s godfather?” Sirius growled, wrapping his arms more tightly around the boy.
It wouldn't be the end of it. They were defying Albus Dumbledore, after all.
They managed to get back to their flat. Remus had packed an overnight bag with what he hoped was everything a baby could need for one night, then shrank the crib to bring it with them. Their flat was not remotely ready for a toddler, since Harry hadn't been allowed to leave Godric's Hollow for almost his entire life, but it would do.
They put up the strongest wards they could around the flat, which had already been well protected, and Sirius set up every monitoring charm he knew on Harry, who was fast asleep and transferred to his crib with the ease of a child who felt safe and did not realize his entire world had just fallen apart.
He was too young to understand death, would think mummy had fallen asleep and would wake up tomorrow and all would be well.
As Sirius had gotten Harry settled, Remus was pacing, chewing on his thumb, running a hand wildly through his hair as his thoughts stormed and swirled.
“Moony,” Sirius grunted. His face was pale and gaunt, his entire body slumped as if it was too heavy, and he was shaking.
“I'll make tea,” Remus said, needing something to do with his hands.
“Something stronger.”
“Harry needs you… you can't get drunk,” Remus warned, before pouring him two fingers of Ogden's whiskey then continuing to make tea.
Sirius sat at the island counter and buried his head in his hands, whiskey glass ignored, “I was there with them… an hour ago, Moons. How? They can't be gone… they can't.”
“I'm sorry,” Remus mumbled, for lack of anything else to say. He didn't want to ask if Peter knew their plans for the day, if he'd told Voldemort to wait until Sirius left, if Peter had been staking it out in his rat form just waiting to report back that they were vulnerable…
Mal jumped up on the counter, rubbing against Sirius’s arm, and Remus dropped the mug he was holding. The crash startled all three of them.
Remus swore under his breath, repairing the ceramic with a wave of his wand, muttering to himself, “Fuck, you need to know your brother's alive…”
“What did you just say?” Sirius demanded.
“I–” Remus turned, clutching the mug in his hand. “I don't–”
He shouldn't have been able to say that. For two years he had not been able to say those words. There were a few times he had been desperate to tell Sirius and it had been impossible. He couldn't say it. Couldn't write it, couldn't mime it, couldn't allude to it. The cat stiffened and stared at Remus with wide eyes.
Sirius could know now. Voldemort was dead.
Regulus was safe.
Remus was not, as he now had a wand at his throat.
“It sounded like you said my brother's alive,” Sirius growled. With his war-honed reflexes, he had moved across the small kitchen, and Remus was now boxed into the corner of the counters, head hitting the cabinets, wand tip digging into his Adam's apple. “Did he– was he involved?”
“No!” Remus snarled, then faltered, “I don't– I don't –”
The words ‘I don’t think so’ stuck in his throat under the effects of the vow, a sliver of doubt at the miserably bad timing of this morning, of all mornings, being the time Regulus disappeared. Sirius, of course, had a decade of learning to read Remus and understood what he couldn’t actually say.
“You don’t know?!” Sirius roared, at which point both of their wands went flying from their hands.
All things considered, Regulus could have made a far worse impression. It was difficult for him to make a stranger one, though, given what he had been two years ago. He was wearing a midnight blue turtleneck, with a Dark Side of the Moon t-shirt over it, and Remus’s tartan pajama bottoms slung low on his hips.
“What the fuck is going on?” Regulus demanded, running a hand through his rumpled hair and staring between them wildly, three wands clenched in his left hand, down at his side.
“Reggie?” Sirius croaked, eyes flitting from the familiar, aristocratic face to the rainbow prism on his black shirt. This only provided a moment’s respite before his face contorted in rage, “If you had anything to do with this, I swear to fucking God–”
“Incarcerous,” Regulus said, almost lazily, holding up one of the wands without even looking when he picked it. Remus’s, coincidentally. Ropes flew out of it, wrapping around Sirius’s arms and legs, and he landed on his knees. “Yes, Sirius, I remember our last conversation, if I ever cross your path again, you’ll kill me.”
It had been the latter half of seventh year, when Sirius found out that Regulus had taken the Dark Mark. Sirius had come fairly close to killing him, he’d beat the shit out of Regulus. Which, somehow, ended with Remus snogging Regulus in an empty hallway then nearly dying of guilt.
“I would still like some bloody answers!” Regulus continued, “You two suddenly apparate away while I was bloody sleeping - no note -”
“Note?” Sirius demanded, his tone nearly hysterical. Remus did always leave Regulus a note, not that Sirius could have known that.
“Then you show up with– a– a baby!” he gestured wildly at Sirius’s door, where Harry was currently sleeping, “Saying something about the Potters being gone–”
“Regulus,” Remus said sharply, because the next words out of his mouth could be disastrous. Sirius was a force to be reckoned with, even wandless, and Remus was fairly certain he was still sitting there tied up because the entire situation was too bizarre to react to. Regulus was out of practice. Sirius was not, and the elder brother had always been the stronger duelist of the two.
Regulus, thankfully, reacted to the tone, dropping his hands to his side and blinking at Remus.
“Lily and James are dead,” Remus said carefully, and Sirius made a pained noise, curling in on himself.
“And your first thought is that I’m petty enough to help orphan a child,” Regulus said to his brother, his tone bitter.
“You’re a Death Eater,” Sirius spat.
“Not a very good one,” Remus noted and Regulus gave him a withering glare. “So- you weren’t involved?”
“How could I have been involved, exactly? I have had zero contact with anyone in the magical community for the past two years and I know nothing,” Regulus pointed out, crossing his arms.
“Just, bad timing, you disappeared this morning,” Remus said softly, then immediately regretted it. Hurt crossed over Regulus’s face, unvarnished because he hadn’t needed to hide his emotions for two years.
“Oh for the love of… tell me he’s not the ruddy cat!” Sirius groaned, undoing the bonds and burying his face in his hands.
Which was a good enough excuse for Regulus to shrink down into said cat, walking over to rub up against Sirius’s arms.
“Why didn't you tell me?” Sirius asked, looking up at Remus.
“I didn't trust you,” Remus said, “I didn't think you could keep it a secret from James, Lily, and Peter and we didn't know who the spy was. I couldn't risk his life.”
Sirius laughed, dark and bitter, loud and manic, finally soft and sobbing. Regulus returned to himself and wrapped his arms around Sirius’s neck, resting his cheek on the top of his head. Regulus looked up at Remus, “Do we need to increase the protections on this place? Will Voldemort be after him?”
“Oh. Right. Er. Voldemort’s dead,” Remus said, shifting uncomfortably and scratching his cheek, “We found his body in the…” he cut off, remembering where, remembering Lily’s body, and he shut his eyes through the wave of grief.
Regulus stared at him, shuddered, and stood up, “Bella will try to find him, then, we need to strengthen the wards.”
“Shit,” Sirius muttered, rubbing his face roughly then standing up shakily, “Shit. Fuck. He's right. She'll want fucking revenge, and especially since I'm involved…”
“Also we have to keep Dumbledore out since he doesn't want Harry here,” Remus muttered.
“For fuck's sake,” Regulus groaned, “Come on, then.”
“You stole our wands, Starshine,” Remus pointed out, holding a hand out for his tiredly.
“He was threatening you,” Regulus muttered, handing their wands back. He gave a rather suspicious look at Sirius as he returned his.
“I know how to set up a Fidelius. Make Moony the secret keeper. Like we should have,” Sirius said dully.
“Are there any Black properties you'd be okay moving to?” Remus asked Sirius, “This just- it's an awful place for a child. We need a garden.”
“Fidelius now. House shopping after my brother's had a dose of Dreamless Sleep–” Regulus began firmly, then Sirius cut him off.
“Harry needs me!” he roared, “I can't fucking sleep through when he wakes up needing–” his rage was completely doused and he collapsed into anguished wails.
Regulus sighed and wrapped his arms around his brother again, soothing him the way he'd learned to soothe Remus.
“If you truly don't trust me, Sirius, I'll take the Dreamless Sleep first, so you'll know I'm no risk. Remmy can take care of the baby,” Regulus offered.
Sirius looked at him, surprised by the offer, then scrubbed his face and frowned, “Where were you this morning? Why did you leave?”
Regulus’s cheeks went pink and Remus winced. He really wanted to put off the revelation that he'd been fucking Regulus for the past two years.
“Clothes shopping,” Remus and Regulus said at the same time, then shared a small smile. Regulus sat down on the couch, it was the first time he’d sat on it as a human. “I didn’t tell Remus I was leaving to annoy him - just… wanted to distract him… a little.”
“Distract him from what?” Sirius asked sharply.
“The war,” Regulus said, exasperated.
“It was really bad timing,” Remus said, then looked at Sirius, “But he's not gone anywhere without me in months, he's not changed his behavior, I haven't seen any reason not to trust him. If Voldemort found out he was alive, he would have had him killed. He's got good reason to stay away from the Death Eaters.”
Sirius's face darkened at the mention that Regulus would have been marked for death by Voldemort.
He took a long, deep breath and looked his brother in the eyes for the first time in years, “Do you swear you had nothing to do with this?”
“I didn't,” Regulus snapped, “I barely know anything and I certainly did not want Remmy to be responsible for helping take care of a baby of all things.”
“Regulus,” Remus said warningly, because now was not the time to push Sirius.
Sirius looked between the two of them oddly then nodded, “Don't take the potion, Reggie. I'll feel better if Remus has help.”
“Oh,” Regulus said, stunned, “Th-thank you. I- I am sorry- about-” he fluttered his hands vaguely and Sirius nodded grimly.
Sirius took the potion then turned into Padfoot and curled up on the couch.
Harry was still sleeping, and Remus went to check on him. He looked so peaceful. Blissfully unaware of the nightmare that Remus felt he had been thrown into.
“You were able to tell Sirius about me,” Regulus said quietly when Remus finally left Harry. He had made tea for both of them.
“The war is over,” Remus muttered, “You're safe,” he glowered, “You don't need me anymore.”
With the grief of Lily and James’s death, then Sirius’s wand to his throat, he hadn't considered this.
Regulus blinked, then frowned, “Surely you don't think I've stuck with you all this time for my safety.”
“What, you've endured the wolf packs for the fun of it?” Remus asked with a dark laugh, leaning against the kitchen counter and crossing his arms. Regulus pursed his lips together and walked over to Remus.
“I happen to be quite fond of you, you daft thing,” he said, “I'm not leaving you–” he faltered, “unless- you want me to…”
He trailed off, his face falling and Remus caught his jaw in his hand, leaning closer, “Of course I want you, Starshine. Always.”
Regulus smiled softly, closing the small distance and pressing a small, chaste kiss to his lips as Remus wrapped his arms around him.
“She's really gone, then?” Regulus asked, looking into his eyes mournfully, “Lily’s gone?”
“She is,” Remus said, biting his cheek and accepting that Regulus wasn't likely to mourn James.
Regulus placed his head on Remus’s chest, “I was hoping, after the war, I'd have the chance to know her properly…”
He started crying then, softly, hands curling into fists and clutching at Remus’s jumper. Remus leaned his cheek against Regulus’s hair and let himself cry as well.
The war was over.
There would be celebrations tomorrow, he knew, throughout the magical world. Nearly everyone else would consider this an acceptable sacrifice, a small tragedy worth the inexplicable defeat of Voldemort. Remus was dreading it.
Remus could only imagine what would come from the fact Harry had somehow survived the encounter, they would likely need to take him to the hospital in the morning. For now… it was best to let him sleep.