Chapter Text
"The doctors are controlling his intake. He's on a one week plan and after that he's off the pills again. I'll go to some meetings with him but everything is going to be normal after that."
"Good, that's good."
"Are you okay, Agent Gibbs?"
"Yeah, look McGee, I'm two people short right now, the agency is without a director. I need your decision."
After Ziva drove to Tony's apartment to get everything he'll need for the upcoming days, she continued driving to the office. Paperwork needed to be finished and she wanted to take away as much work and pain from Gibbs as possible. She wrote the incidend and case reports, cleared the van, got Ducky's autopsy report for both, the body of La Grenuille and the Director and made sure everything could continue as easy as possible once the team returns back into the bullpen. Just when she was about to leave for the hospital, SecNav entered their Office. Next to him, another man she had never seen before. Both of them dressed very formally.
"Agent David, this is vice NCIS director Leon Vance. He'll take over and will oversee your latest case and the death of Director Shepard. Please provide him with all files and information. Since Gibbs is under internal investigation and Agent DiNozzo is out for the upcoming month, you have point. I expect you to work closely with Director Vance."
"Understood, sir. Director... come with me, I'll fill you in."
"And Agent David. No Word to Gibbs, are we clear."
"Yes, sir."
Gibbs couldn't sleep. Everything he did, everything in their apartment that he looked at... it reminded him of her. He knows that that final conversation Jen had with Tony was supposed to be between him and his wife. And he knows that she died trying to protect Tony. In a very twisted way. She didn't want to be La Grenuilles protection Detail and still couldn't risk him exposing Tony's identity in the streets. Somehow what she did was brave and sounded like something out of his own playbook. You got to do what you got to do for family.
And at the same time she was a coward. She didn't tell him that she was sick. So sick, she wouldn't have survived the end of the year. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact she didn't tell him so Ducky had to be the one breaking him the news.
He wished he arrived to his apartment sooner and take all the burden from Tony away. The boy was like their son. He knows that Jenny felt the same way. And he knows it's the reason Tony didn't want to shoot her even if she had shot him again. Now they both suffer. Of course Jethro would never admit to anyone close to him that he was suffering. But he is. He can't sleep, he doesn't feel home and he questions his last 5 years with Jenny. Not even his usual coping mechanisms "Bourbon, boat, basement" as Tony likes to state it, do him any good.
It's been 3 weeks, the internal investigation just ended and he had been cleared. Tony has been released from the hospital over a week ago and Ziva had been a great Number one for the time being. Corresponding with the New Director of NCIS, since that is about everything she could have done, considering their Team was basically MIA.
"Gibbs."
"Leon."
"Your team is waiting for you. Are you ready to get back to work this soon?"
"I'm ready to get away from home."
"I don't know what to think of that answer... McGee finalised his psych evaluations and passed the shooting range Tests. You're free to use him as probationary agent out in the field."
"DiNozzo?"
"Undergoes a 14-day drug prevention in Rhode Island. His wishes. He'll be back in a week but has to undergo some physical rehab before he'll be cleared for work. Agent David did your team justice."
"That's what I trained her for."
It was a slow day, maybe not the worst thing for a struggling team with a new member on his first day. Gibbs sent McGee and Ziva home hours ago and was the last person in the office. Even the nightly cleaning Crew has finished their job and left again. Gibbs just couldn't make himself go home. If that was still his home. So he got down in the basement into Abby's lab and slept under her desk. This would not be the last time in the upcoming weeks. Abby noticed it and waited for two more weeks until she decided it's been long enough for Gibbs to feel this way. So she told Ziva. Ziva started observating Gibbs. He was either grumpy, angry, tired or hungover every single morning. Of course he was still a great agent and able to do his job more than properly but it became obvious to her that he was not at all fine. Usually she'd ask Tony to talk to him since she knows the two men were as close as it gets but since Tony is still not yet back to be part of their Team again she decided that she would be that person for him. If he wanted her to or not. So when he stepped into the elevator, "Gibbs' office" as the team jokingly reffers to it, Ziva found it time to intervene.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"It is time for a conversation, Gibbs."
"Ah, hell, Ziver, I told you, I'm fine."
"I know, what you told me, Gibbs. And I know what I see. You are not fine, I mean how could you be? You lost your wife, the person close enough to be your son got caught in the crossfire, quite literally. You don't know where you belong. You sleep in Abby's lab and if you don't and go home, next morning you smell like bourbon, you don't eat properly, you don't trust your gut anymore and you're even more quiet than before... Gibbs, what do you feel? You. Are not. Okay."
...
"Tony feels responsible for you having to pull the trigger. He feels like he was weak. He's afraid to reach out to you, because he thinks you wouldn't want him to. ... what should I tell him?"
"Tell your boyfriend it's not his fault."
With that Gibbs angrily left the elevator and walked out the office, back to his apartment. He continued working on his boat.
"Permission to come down there, Gibbs."
"The door was open, you need more permission than that, DiNozzo!?"
Tony slowly walked down the stairs and stopped once he stood next to Gibbs. He took a look around and saw case files of Jenny's laying all around. The basement reeked of Bourbon and he had a picture of La Grenuille hangig on his wall, a small knife piercing his neck.
"So this is what you've been up to while I've been working my ass of in rehab huh?"
"What do you want, Tony?"
"Talk, drink... Listen. She did it for me, Gibbs. She made sure I was safe. I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger, Gibbs, I. I'm sorry."
"No need. She had been waiting for me anyway."
"I robbed you from a last conversation. You didn't get a goodbye. Because of me."
"She wrote a letter."
"What did it say?"
"Didn't open it."
"Gibbs, she left it for you to read it. To understand. As a last goodbye. You should open it. ... we can do it together if you'd like."
"I need something stronger for that."
"Make that two."
Tony took off his jacket and took the filled glass Gibbs prepared for him. Jethro got an envelope out of one of the drawers. Tony sat down beside Gibbs and they both downed their glass in one. Gibbs filled his to the brim again and downed the second one, too. Only after that he opened it and read the letter to himself. While reading it, tears formed in his eyes and he needed more alcohol to comfort him. Tony gave him a big side eye but let his boss be. They talked and Tony listened to his Boss' stories about him and Jenny the entire night until they both fell asleep on the basement's ground. Tony never heard Gibbs talk that much but figured it's exactly what the guy needed.
"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty. The team is waiting."
"On second thought, I prefered you callin' me DeNiro."
"I made Coffee."
...
"Thanks, Tony. I needed this... last night was... a wakeup call. Thank you for being there."
"No problem, Jethro. Family first, right?."
"Right."
"So, McGee took the Job? We got a new probie? This is going to be fun."