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Akutagawa stumbled precariously through the alleyway, feeling light-headed and weak. Moonlight slanted across the eaves of buildings, casting an eerie glow in the shadows of the night. The temperature had dropped considerably as of late, ushering in the cold air. Akutagawa shivered, chilled to the bone.
While he’d finally regained his sense of self, his whole body felt like dead weight. His movements were sluggish, the moonlight beginning to blur into a variety of colors.
Akutagawa slumped against the wall of a building, hissing as a fresh wave of pain coursed through him. His body was already frail enough as it was, but becoming a vampire added a whole new level of agony to the mix.
He’d staved off hunger yet again, but he was beginning to reach his breaking point. This wasn't sustainable; he’d adamantly refused to drink any blood offered to him time and time again. Akutagawa wouldn't break his promise with Atsushi–he wouldn't be able to stop himself from drinking too much blood from someone.
He’d wanted to feed for days now, that tantalizingly familiar scent wafting towards him daily. But no, he couldn't. He had to restrain himself. Better to let his body wither and die. That way he couldn't hurt anyone.
Akutagawa's momentary reprieve was cut off when shots suddenly rang throughout the alley. Adrenaline flooded through his veins as he pushed off the wall. Tendrils of darkness came to life as a bullet grazed his cheek, narrowly missing his vitals.
His assailant readied another barrage of bullets and opened fire, but Akutagawa was faster, expertly dodging the attacks with practiced ease.
His assailant barely had time to react before Rashomon wrapped around their neck. They struggled as Rashomon tightened around their throat, clawing at their neck. Carefully applying the right amount of pressure, his assailant fell unconscious.
Akutagawa dropped them into the ground, stepping past them without looking back. “Forgive me, but I have a promise to keep.” His words weighed heavily on his heart as he walked away. He wasn't sure how much longer he could keep that promise.
------
Akutagawa ducked into an alleyway at the far side of the bay. That should've put enough distance between him and his pursuer. He only hoped they wouldn't come after him again after they regained consciousness. That being said…
Akutagawa promptly collapsed against the side of a building, panting heavily. All the energy had left his limbs. He couldn't run now even if he wanted to, his body was too weak from the lack of blood.
But you got a taste of the weretiger's blood, a quiet voice spoke up in his mind. Unconsciously, Akutagawa licked his lips. He craved blood and he hated every moment of it. If the weretiger discovered him here, now… he wasn't sure if he could stop himself.
He ran his fingers over the newly formed scar on his neck, wincing almost at once. His blood felt like it was on fire, a flame flickering dangerously before it was snuffed out forever. Akutagawa lolled his head back. Was this the end for him, then? Why give him a second chance at life?
His senses were on high alert, picking up the sound of footsteps against the asphalt from several blocks away. Akutagawa tensed. He should retreat for now. At this rate, anyone who got near him would… The footsteps stopped. Akutagawa risked a glance toward the bay, before he nearly gagged.
An overwhelming scent of blood hit his nostrils. Akutagawa barely had time to react before the person in front of him held their hand out. Blood was enticingly welling from a gash on their wrist, dripping onto the ground below. Akutagawa swallowed hard, eyes fixated on the rivulets of blood.
“What are you waiting for?” The person nudged their hand against Akutagawa's cheek. “I’ll be fine. I'm more worried about you.”
Akutagawa bent his head, stopping himself at the last minute from sinking his fangs into the flesh. He couldn't lose sight of himself again, not after…
The person shoved their wrist against Akutagawa's lips, much to Akutagawa's chagrin. They were becoming irritatingly insistent.
“Stay away from me,” Akutagawa hissed, slapping their hand away. “You don't know that for sure.” He turned up his nose, pointedly turning his head away from them.
“I trust you.” Their voice was unexpectedly gentle, those simple three words resonating with Akutagawa's heart. Trust. When had he ever trusted anybody, aside from–?
The person held out their hand in front of his face again. They seemed to be waiting for Akutagawa to make a move. This was stupid. Did they really have that much of a death wish? As if–
“It's okay, Akutagawa.” Finally he risked glancing up at the weretiger in front of him. His expression was soft, yet his eyes held a glimmer of sadness in them. How long has the weretiger been searching for him, trying to break him free from the vampirism effects? Too long, Akutagawa decided. Far too long.
Tentatively, Akutagawa lifted Atsushi's hand, pressing his lips against the wound. His tongue flicked out, collecting droplets of blood. His stomach churned as he swallowed, disgusted from the warmth that surged through his veins. Atsushi's blood was delectable, and he hated that he wanted more .
Akutagawa jolted when he felt a hand running through his hair. “Yes, that's it. Go ahead and drink.” Atsushi encouraged, his voice soft.
Akutagawa only grunted in response. He didn't need to be told twice. He sank his fangs into the wound and drank as much as he could. His fever was beginning to subside when Akutagawa pulled away, licking the blood off his face.
“Why…?” Akutagawa found himself asking a few minutes later. “Why did you come back for me? My life isn't worth the effort.”
“Don't say that!” Atsushi cried, burying his face in Akutagawa's shirt. “I thought I lost you, Akutagawa. I left you to die while I…”
“You didn't. I helped you escape. That's all that mattered to me at that moment. If one of us were to survive, I wanted it to be you.”
Atsushi lifted his head, tears streaming down his face. “But it wasn't fair! I felt like a failure, unable to save the person I wanted to save the most.”
“Nothing in life is fair, weretiger. You did what you had to. And yet, despite everything… I am still here.”
Atsushi froze, more tears streaking down his face. Akutagawa reached out and wiped them away with his thumb. “I am still here, Atsushi.”
A loud wail escaped Atsushi's throat as he buried his face in Akutagawa's shirt. “Please don't leave me like that ever again…”
Akutagawa rested his chin on top of Atsushi’s head. “Okay. I promise.”
------
Akutagawa led Atsushi through the streets, uncertainty gnawing at his mind for well over an hour. After their reunion in the alleyway, there was a palpable difference between them compared to before. He couldn't put his finger on what it was, and that infuriated him most of all.
He risked a glance back at Atsushi, momentarily memorized by how his ametrine eyes caught the moonlight. Apparently he'd been staring for longer than he’d intended, because Atsushi noticed, smiling at him.
“Feeling nervous about having me over for the first time?”
That wasn't what Akutagawa was thinking, but he’d let Atsushi believe it. The alternative made the tips of his ears burn just thinking about it.
“No,” Akutagawa answered, swinging his head around. They’d reached his apartment, located on the far side of the city. He reached for the door.
“Wait, how are we gonna get in without the key–?!” Atsushi yelped as Rashomon transformed into the shape of a key, unlocking the door with ease. Akutagawa marveled at Atsushi's astonished face before he invited him inside.
His apartment had a mostly standard design, with a few rooms branching off of each other. Most of the decor had muted colors ranging in various shades, making it easy on the eyes. Vibrant colors weren't his style anyway.
Atsushi crossed the room, taking in the scenery with wide eyes. Akutagawa chuckled a little. “Have you never been to someone’s apartment before, weretiger?”
Atsushi scratched the back of his head with his hand. “Just one. That is, until now,” He spun on his heel, clasping his hands behind his back. “And it was just for requesting an investigation into the chip we obtained on the Moby Dick.”
Akutagawa nodded. Fighting together with Atsushi on a flying whale felt like a lifetime ago. There was a much more permanent, painful memory burned into his mind instead. Unconsciously, he ran his fingers over the scar on his neck, wincing again from the contact.
Atsushi’s expression shifted, eyes rounded with concern. “Do you have a first aid kit somewhere?”
“There should still be one in the bathroom cabinets. But I don't need–” Too late. Atsushi was already gone, navigating through his apartment.
Akutagawa breathed a sigh from his nose, dropping his hand back to his side. His heart lurched from Atsushi's sudden absence, leaving him alone with his thoughts. What was Atsushi planning to do, going forward? Akutagawa was still a vampire. He still required blood regularly. And he still had a promise to keep.
He bit his lip, finding himself at a loss. He’d always approached things with certainty since the day he was born. He’d protect his friends in the slums from harm. He’d avenge them. He’d prove himself to Dazai-san. He’d defeat the weretiger.
But now… things weren't so simple. The nature of his relationship with Atsushi had changed over time. Now he wasn't sure if defeating him was what he really wanted. Akutagawa always had very little to want in his life, but this was…
Atsushi returned a few moments later, dragging Akutagawa out his thoughts. He dug through the first aid kit, pulling out some bandages. Akutagawa was about to protest when Atsushi wrapped a few loosely over his neck, covering the wound. Akutagawa sighed in relief, no longer having to feel the cold air biting into his scar.
“Thank you,” he murmured, grabbing Atsushi by the chin and pulling him in for a kiss. Once he realized what he was doing he quickly broke the kiss, a bolt of anxiety shooting through him. What came over him just now? Did he still need more blood? Is that why–
Atsushi was looking at him in equal astonishment before he laughed. “You're thinking too loud, Akutagawa.”
The tips of his ears burned in response. But the heavy atmosphere had lifted, so all was forgiven. There was a glimmer in Atsushi’s eyes that wasn't there before, a warm, fond expression.
But that was impossible. His mind must be playing tricks on him. Because… he’d never seen anyone look at him like that before. Something about it made him feel warm inside, like he was at peace with the world.
Atsushi held his hand out to him. After a moment’s hesitation, Akutagawa took it, letting Atsushi lead him into the bedroom. Akutagawa’s faint eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “Weretiger, you can't possibly mean to spend the night here.”
“You need rest too,” Atsushi chided. “I want to make sure you're still okay in the morning.”
Akutagawa slowly untangled himself from Atsushi, staring into his eyes. There it was again, concern written across his face. His expression darkened, eyes glimmering with some emotion Akutagawa couldn't identify. Akutagawa felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs.
That expression… it didn't suit him. He'd worn it a handful of times around him, but this one seemed different somehow. He felt like he should say something, but Akutagawa couldn't voice the emotions that came over him at that moment. Words that remained out of reach.
Akutagawa shrugged off his black overcoat before climbing into the bed. Atsushi was still staring at him with that same expression on his face. Akutagawa sighed, before wordlessly patting the empty space next to him. At this, Atsushi’s expression brightened, and he quickly curled up against him.
The weretiger couldn't keep his ability in check as two ears and a striped tail suddenly appeared. Atsushi rested his tail over Akutagawa, nuzzling against him and purring happily. Akutagawa couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips.
With a huff, Akutagawa rested his chin on top of Atsushi’s head, drawing the covers over them with Rashomon. “If you wanted to snuggle, weretiger, you could've just asked.”
Atsushi just purred in response, kneading his ruffled shirt. There was something about this level of proximity with the weretiger that eased the tension out of Akutagawa's body. For once, he could sleep tonight knowing he’d wake up in Atsushi’s arms, facing whatever tomorrow brought together. Those thoughts comforted him before he finally drifted off to sleep.
------
Early morning light washed over them from a nearby window, signaling the approaching day. The sun hadn't quite risen yet, blanketing the sky in various shades of pinks and blues.
Akutagawa glanced over at the weretiger beside him, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. He felt a strange twinge of emotion as he stared at Atsushi curled against him.
Impulsively, Akutagawa reached out and played with a few strands of Atsushi's hair, tucking it behind his ear. A cute, low rumble resounded in the back of Atsushi's throat as he nestled closer. Akutagawa froze in his tracks.
Wait. Did he just think the weretiger was cute?
No, no, no… Maybe he hit his head too hard back in that alleyway. Yes, that's all this was, he told himself. And yet…
“Why did you save me?” Atsushi's inquiry rang in his head again.
The memory flashed through his mind, how the weretiger's eyes were pleading as he caught Akutagawa's wrist. He’d been tugging on the hem of Akutagawa's sleeve so tightly he’d thought it would rip.
A lump had formed in Akutagawa's throat then, and he tore himself away from the weretiger, refusing to answer him. He didn't have a clear answer. He wasn't even sure if there was one.
…And what if there wasn't? A pit formed in his stomach, dread clawing its way into his heart.
Putting his feelings into words didn't come easily to him. They never had. Anger and hatred were his sole driving force, so the need for anything else never occurred to him. There was very little to be joyful about.
If anything, seeking Dazai-san’s approval was the closest thing he could think of to joy. The fact that he’d made it out of the slums alive with his sister was another. Beyond that… there wasn't room for joy in his life. He’d been cursed the day he was born, living on borrowed time.
Atsushi, on the other hand, didn't have that. He had everything he could hope for after joining the Armed Detective Agency. He still had so much to live for, while Akutagawa did not.
“Why did you save me?”
Hadn't he already answered that question? He’d sacrificed his life because he wanted Atsushi to escape safely. But now, he realized, maybe that wasn't entirely true. There was more to it than that–the reason he’d saved Atsushi that day, all of it was…
Akutagawa glanced back down at Atsushi, his heart lurching in his chest.
“Is his life that precious to you?” The taunting words echoed through his brain.
Shut up. You know nothing. Akutagawa had wanted to say.
Akutagawa tore his gaze away, biting his lip. Why did everything have to be so damn complicated when it came to Atsushi? There wasn't any need for him to find Akutagawa in the alleyway that night, on the verge of starvation.
There wasn't any need for him to leave Akutagawa’s favorite overcoat–which he’d entrusted to Atsushi on that fateful day–with him shortly after he regained consciousness. And there wasn't any need for Atsushi to insist on spending the night here, by his side, to make sure Akutagawa was okay .
Akutagawa wasn't sure when the first tear fell, nor did he care. This was pathetic. All it took was a few acts of kindness for him to end up like this? He wasn't that weak, he wasn't… a choked sob escaped his throat without warning, unable to stop his tears from overflowing.
“Hey, what's wrong?” Atsushi asked, his voice edged with concern. He was leaning up on one elbow, his eyes glimmering in the pale glow of dawn.
Akutagawa wanted to sink into the earth somewhere. Of all the ways Atsushi could’ve awoken… He pointedly turned his head away from him.
“Nothing's wrong,” Akutagawa snapped. “I'm perfectly fine. I don't need your pity.” Several shadows rose around him, illustrating his point. He’d meant it as a threat, but it lacked the energy, white wisps drifting around him languidly.
“No, you're not. Why do you have to be so stubborn all the time?” Atsushi reached up, placing a hand on Akutagawa's cheek. Atsushi turned Akutagawa's head towards him, cupping his face in his hands.
“Why?” Akutagawa said as Atsushi wiped away his tears with his thumbs.
“Why what?”
“Why do you care?” The words were scathing, coming out harsher than he’d intended.
The question seemed to catch Atsushi off guard. Atsushi recoiled like he’d just been struck, a wounded look in his eyes.
Akutagawa hated it. Hated the way he couldn't convey the tightness in his chest–whatever this feeling was–when he was around the weretiger.
He clenched his fists, trying to calm his nerves, to no avail. His heightened emotions left him more vulnerable than he cared to admit. Vulnerability that was on display for Atsushi to see. Something to disregard, or even ridicule him for. It wouldn't be the first time it happened.
But the words that left Atsushi's mouth threw him for a loop.
“Why wouldn't I?” He said it so simply. How could it ever be that simple?
“That's not an answer.”
Atsushi’s eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side. “What kind of answer did you want me to give?”
Akutagawa's eyes narrowed, crossing his arms. One part of him wanted to desperately ask the question that had been gnawing away at his mind for ages. The other part of him thought it was a stupid idea.
Despite his misgivings, he felt as if everything hinged on this very question. The balance of the world as he knew it was quickly plummeting at an alarming rate. Drawing in a sharp breath, Akutagawa spoke from his heart.
“What am I to you?”
Atsushi's eyes widened momentarily. Apprehension thrummed through Akutagawa's veins as Atsushi spoke. “Well, we’re kinda partners already but…” Atsushi scratched his cheek with a finger, his face reddening. “You're also someone I care about. A lot. More than I… initially thought.” He smiled then, his expression softening. “What about you?”
Against his will, a foolish hope began to bloom in Akutagawa's chest. He pulled the weretiger closer, feeling his pulse quicken. “I think… it would be better to show you.”
Atsushi nodded, his eyes glittering, almost seeming to reflect that same, foolish hope. But that was impossible… wasn't it? Before Akutagawa could lose his nerve, he threw all caution to the wind.
Akutagawa’s hands ran through Atsushi's silvery hair, his fingernails grazing his scalp. Atsushi yelped in surprise but didn't pull away, letting Akutagawa guide him as he pressed a kiss to his lips. Atsushi was tense against him, barely moving aside from the rise and fall of his chest. Akutagawa suppressed a sigh, twisting his head back to break the kiss.
But before he could, Atsushi’s lips were moving against his own, his tongue brushing over the seam of Akutagawa's lips. Akutagawa tilted their heads, deepening the kiss. He felt Atsushi relax into him, breathing a sigh of relief. The tension left Akutagawa's limbs. This was all so new to him, to both of them, that he didn't know where to begin.
Words alone couldn't express the tight knot in his chest, and it wasn't because of his lung disease. No, this was something else, something he’d never felt before until recently. The weretiger’s inevitable, constant presence, as they dove headfirst into battle against a foray of enemies, was… comforting.
Having a modicum of trust for one another… Akutagawa stifled a laugh. Had they really come that far? It felt like only yesterday he’d wanted nothing more than to kill and be rid of him. But now…
As they pulled out of their kiss to catch their breath, Atsushi gazed back at him with a soft expression. His purple yellow eyes glistened as he stared at Akutagawa’s bandaged neck. “How much did… did it hurt?”
Akutagawa glanced away, only grunting in response. That was a question he’d rather not answer; the excruciating pain he’d endured in his last moments, with that last glimmer of hope… He bit his lip, clenching and unclenching his fist several times. After a few moments, Akutagawa felt a hand on his neck, ghosting over the bandages.
“May I remove them?” Atsushi’s voice was unexpectedly gentle. “I’ll replace them as soon as I’m done.”
“Fine.” Akutagawa huffed, leaning his head back to grant Atsushi better access. The weretiger fumbled removing the bandages, slowly peeling them off of him one at a time. When they were finally removed, Atsushi tossed them aside in a neat pile. Akutagawa’s breath hissed between his teeth as cold air touched the wound.
It had mostly healed, leaving behind a massive scar, but it still felt uncomfortable. Atsushi was staring at the scar for a long time, his expression darkening. Akutagawa was beginning to feel self-conscious, already wanting to hide the scar underneath the bandages again. He had plenty more besides, but this was the only one the weretiger knew about. Perhaps it was foolish to think that even Atsushi would–
“I’m sorry.” Atsushi murmured, leaning his forehead against his chest.
“Don't be. I–”
Atsushi suddenly pulled him closer, trailing kisses up and down his neck. He placed a chaste kiss on his scar, making Akutagawa shiver. Ah. So this was the weretiger's plan. He’d been foolish to doubt him after all this time. He tilted his head back, basking in the sensations tickling his skin.
Atsushi laughed then, a low rumble resounding from his throat. Had it been any other day, Akutagawa would've assumed the weretiger was mocking him. But not today.
Akutagawa threaded his fingers through Atsushi’s hair. The amount of care in each of Atsushi's kisses was so overwhelming, he felt as though his heart would burst.
Finally, he couldn't take the weretiger’s teasing anymore. Akutagawa pushed him away from his neck, earning a small whine from his partner. But Akutagawa paid him no mind, choosing to focus his attention on his neck instead.
This time he mimicked Atsushi's earlier actions, every one burned into his memory. You have no idea what this is like, he thought. So irresistible… He hesitated then, feeling Atsushi's pulse quicken beneath his lips.
“Atsushi, I want to…” Akutagawa fought to keep the desperation out of voice as he nuzzled the side of Atsushi's neck.
A light laugh followed. “Of course, Akutagawa.” Atsushi leaned his head back, baring his neck to Akutagawa. Akutagawa’s fangs pressed against Atsushi's throat, scraping the skin. “You don't have to hold back, you know.”
“I know, weretiger… but I’ve never done this before. I think I'd rather take it slow.” Atsushi laughed again, much to his bewilderment. “What's so funny?”
“I hate to break this to you, but you’ve actually bitten my neck before. You weren't conscious of it then but…” His voice took on a wistful tone. “...it didn't hurt. You were uncharacteristically gentle. It was… nice.”
Now it was Akutagawa's turn to laugh, a low rumble resounding from his throat. “Gentle, you say? I suppose I can't hide anything from you.” He swiped his tongue over Atsushi's neck, smiling against his skin at the shiver that passed through the weretiger.
He repeated this a few times, nipping at Atsushi's skin occasionally, not enough to draw blood. Atsushi threw his head back, exposing his throat even more. “Stop teasing me already,” He whined. “Please.”
“I did say I wanted to go slow, weretiger. Besides, this is payback for earlier. But since you asked so nicely… I suppose I can speed things along.” Akutagawa bit Atsushi's neck as soon as he finished that sentence, lapping at the drops of blood that threatened to get away from him.
He drank deeply, sweetness coating his tongue. Atsushi's breath hitched above him, his fingers threading through Akutagawa's hair. At some point, they fell back against the bed. Atsushi's arms wrapped around him, holding him close.
Akutagawa breathed a sigh through his nose, warmth spreading throughout his body as he drank. He felt secure in the weretiger's firm, yet gentle embrace. An anchor that tied him to his mortality, someone who saw all of him.
Someone who accepted the monster he was. Tears pricked in the corner of his eyes. He wasn't worthy of something like this. And yet at the same time, he craved it so, so much.
Akutagawa pulled away a few moments later, blood dripping down his chin. He swiped his tongue across his lips, watching the weretiger's wound already beginning to heal.
“Thank you,” Akutagawa murmured, cupping Atsushi's cheek with a hand. The weretiger leaned into it almost instinctively, making Akutagawa’s pulse quicken. “Your blood is quite delicious.”
He smirked as a blush spread across Atsushi's cheeks. He looked rather adorable when he was flustered.
Atsushi smiled at him, his eyes dazed, yet they glowed so brightly, like they’d captured the sun itself. “No, I should be the one thanking you. That felt amazing. And thank you… for showing me.”
Akutagawa grabbed him by the chin, pulling him into a kiss. “I'm glad… Atsushi.”
The amount of affection that flowed between them in that moment was unprecedented. They were two halves of one whole, light and dark, sun and moon.
As they settled back into bed, snuggling each other, hearts beating in sync–Akutagawa finally understood. This… was joy.