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The glass door is shoved open by a rough, callous hand. Lillian’s steps mimicked the wider, more masculine, steps in front of her. They had more weight to them, thicker, demanded more attention, respect. Similarly, they sounded identical to the ones that would demand her respect. Terror-causing steps. These steps, however, were attached to a rather gentle giant, much different than the ones Lillian was familiar with.
Fingers snapped before her eyes, “Lil, hey, kid--Lillian, you alright there?” a familiar voice asked while the concerned eyes from her original escort were trained on her. The noise of rustling papers and side conversations of office gossip echoed through her ears. Her skin started to pinken, the air in the precinct being much warmer compared to the cold snowy winds blasting outside. The voice was crouched in front of the swivel chair that Lillian now occupied. A hulking figure owned by Lieutenant Hank hovered over the pair of them with concerned, fatherly eyes and crossed arms.
“She seemed a little out of it when I picked her up, think she might just be having a bad day,” Lieutenant Hank said to the familiar voice, who happened to be Detective Reed.
“Where was she at? It’s like,” Detective Reed raised his arm and noted the time on his watch. “It’s 7 hours after school. Kid, you should have been home by now. Class got out at 4,” he directly spoke to her. Any warmth he radiated was absorbed by her shivering body, her arms covered by an oversized police jacket that Lieutenant Hank was able to scrounge up from the trunk of the police car.
Lieutenant Hank nodded in Lillian’s direction. “She was skulking around that bridge on 72nd,” his shoulders shrugged. “Reminded me of a certain someone when I first found him all those years back.” Hank raised a brow at Detective Reed who turned around and glared from his crouched position.
“Yeah, whatever old man, we get it, I was a teenage asshole that you managed to turn around for the better. She’s not like that though, right Tiny?” Detective Reed nudged the girl’s leg, gently, but with enough force to catch her attention.
Lillian forced her breathing to even before glancing up, “Fuck no, I’m not, some of us were brought up better than that Gav,” her arms crossed. Her body went from slouched over to leaning against the back of the swivel chair. With her feet placed on the floor, Lillian began to swerve the chair back and forth. She took the time to glance at the desk in front of her. A cigarette box lay on the right side of the desk. Next to a cup of steaming, black looking coffee, and a photo of them from a trip to the zoo. Lillian knew better. There were at least two tablespoons of sugar hidden underneath all the black bitterness.
“She clearly doesn’t listen to authority, which was probably my fault,” Gavin said. His eyes playfully peeping back over to Lillian. “Although, I obviously rubbed off on you, ‘cause you’re incapable of calling me. I told you, it’s not safe out there and I hate when you don’t call me when you want to go somewhere,” he lectured with a pointed finger.
Lillian glanced back up to rejoin the conversation. “I thought I’d go for a walk,” she replied with a shrug. Her lips between her teeth. “I was planning on heading to our coffee shop before they closed and then I uh…found something,” her eyebrows wiggled, and a smirk graced her lips as she spoke.
Gavin raised a brow and jutted his chin in her direction. “Without your Jordan? You two are practically attached at the hip. Should I be worried?” he asked.
“Nah, I think it’s something you might really like, but I’ll have to show you when we get in the car,” she dragged out the ‘T’ in a teasing manner with a telling smirk.
“Well,” Gavin scoffed and pushed himself off the ground into a standing position. “That doesn’t seem ominous as shit, does it Hank?” he said, nose scrunched up in skepticism.
Hank’s lips were upturned in his own smirk while he conceded, “It’s none of my business. You two have fun with the rest of your night, but some of us old men need our beauty sleep.” His arms raised in surrender as he backed away to his own desk.
“Oh no you don’t, asshole. What could you possibly need beauty sleep for? To grow more wrinkles and finally finish the greying of your hair?” Gavin spoke with squinted eyes.
Unconsciously, his hand reaching over to grab the slightly steaming coffee cup and take a small sip. After taking a sip of his own, Gavin offered the coffee to Lillian who took it, grateful for the warmth. The cup was placed back down while Gavin started to collect his things: keys, case files, wallet, and his signature leather jacket that sat on the back of the chair.
“Let’s go, kid,” he called, head jerked towards the exit.
Lillian put down the coffee. The echoing of her steps could be heard along with Gavin’s as they left the building. The cup of coffee left to lose its steam and heat.
The pair walked side by side with calculated steps down the slippery steps. Gavin’s arm wrapped around Lillian’s shoulder in an attempt to keep her warm and from getting blown away by the wintery mix. The detective’s old beat down Lincoln sedan sat in the parking lot. It was covered in a light layer of snow. He walked Lillian around to the passenger side and held the door open for her. Once she was safely in the car, Gavin walked around to the driver’s side and fell into his own seat. The car had every warming function on and running to thaw their aching limbs from the biting, unforgiving cold.
Silence filled the car apart from the blowing of the heat from each and every vent. Tones of red, green, and yellow glazed their features from the occasional stoplight. A rustling could be heard from Lillian’s side of the car. The car came to a rolling stop at the center of the driveway. A familiar, older looking house sat at the front of the driveway. Both the walkway and driveway looked as though they had been shoveled earlier that morning.
“So, what the hell is it that you wanted to show me?” Gavin asked. His shoulders twisted towards her after clicking off the heat and turning the key in the ignition to the left.
Lillian’s smirk reappeared, “Well, since you asked so nicely,” she said reaching into a hidden pocket in the jacket. Out came her hands, cupped around a small figure--a small, furry, dirty, malnourished, meowing creature. “You said last week that Asshole needed a friend. This lil’ guy was under the bridge down on Brighten Street, where Hank found me,” she said handing over the cat.
Gavin glared down at the girl. “Cats aren’t bargaining chips,” he replied, gesturing harshly between them, “We will discuss tonight’s events later. I want to know why you were out at this time of night, but first we should get that guy some food. Can you head in and put Asshole in my room for now?” he softly instructed before taking the weightless, grungy looking cat.
The cat gently laid on his palm, making no movements other than a small mewl–it was mixed with a yawn, but it was pretty close to midnight. Lillian said nothing but nodded before throwing her door open quickly before exiting quickly. A slam following her retreating figure. Gavin kept an eye on the girl as she rushed to the door and grabbed his spare key that sat under a cracked piece of cement on the porch.
A meow erupted in his ear, “I know buddy, I’m worried about her too,” he spoke to the whiskers that were rubbing against his face. One breath in, out, in, and out, Gavin ran through his head. His fingers itched for the cigarette burning a hole in his pocket. Minutes had passed as Gavin collected himself in the car. The car door was shoved in by Gavin’s hip before he followed Lillian’s path into the house.
The crackling of a fire rang through Gavin’s ears. The front door behind him was closed with a swift kick to the bottom of it. “I hope you neutered Asshole because that sweet baby is a girl, not a guy,” Lillian snickered as she called from the kitchen where she stood over a pot of milk being warmed. A box of hot chocolate mix rested next to the stove, waiting to be used.
“Yeah, yeah, you’re a conniving little shit, you know that. Just for this,” Gavin gestured vaguely to the cat on his chest. “I’m gonna name her Princess,” he said.
Lillian groaned and leaned over the counter with a pout, “If you ever have a child, I hope to god you let your wife pick the name cause Jesus Christ, man. You can’t name for shit.”
Gavin’s chuckle wracked his entire body. “Me? Kids? You must have the wrong house, Girl Scout. Go sell your cookies and nuclear family propaganda somewhere else,” he retorted.
“Fine! I’ll just take this really good hot chocolate that I made – because you were too busy with your new child – and drink all of it,” Lillian bluffed, ladled the boiling, silky decadence into two mugs.
The one Gavin had gotten for Lillian said, ‘Shit. Fuck. Damn.’ Down the front in yellow, pink, and blue. The one Lillian had gotten Gavin for Christmas that said, ‘World’s Okayest Dad,’ in all caps. Cracks littered the mug and rings of dark stains circled the inside of them. The couch sunk under Gavin’s weight as he collapsed onto it and placed down the kitten on his lap. His hands welcomed the warm mug from Lillian’s outreached hand. Lillian didn’t occupy the space next to Gavin. Instead, she walked around refusing to face the man behind her. They welcomed the silence. The only sounds coming from an occasional sip and an occasional meow from the cats. A frame appeared out of the corner of Lillian’s eye, catching her attention from the middle of the room.
“This your family?” Lillian questioned with brows up to her hairline. She pulled the small frame from the table.
“Yeah. It is,” Gavin bluntly answered.
Lillian twirled around, frame in hand, to gauge Gavin’s expressions. His eyes looked at the bare wall, the white ceiling, the new adoptee next to him, and anywhere but her.
“You don’t have any siblings. I know you don’t because Tina always makes fun of you for being an only child. Catalyst for personality or some shit,” she said with a calculated look. “Who’s the girl in this photo?” she questioned. Lillian took slow, calculated steps towards the couch, before lowering herself onto the couch next to Gavin.
“Didn’t exactly get along with my parents either, y’know. And that… that is part of the reason,” Gavin heaved a sigh and discarded the hot chocolate onto the coffee table.
His feet took him to the middle of the room, and he paced, and paced, and paced. The cat scattered from the couch at Gavin’s sudden rise. Lillian brought her feet up and wrapped her arms around her knees; she made no move to reply.
“Oh,” Lillian muttered.
Gavin huffed, “Yeah, oh,” he repeated. “Astute observation, Captain Obvious. Thought you would have caught it by now after you found about my date with Niles,” his arms crossed over his chest as he spoke.
Silence filled the air -besides the two cats meowing at each other through the door that Asshole was locked behind - as the two refused to look at the other. Gavin gazed up from his lashes to glance at Lillian. “Why were you out tonight?” he asked.
“Why do you have that photo still?” Lillian threw back.
Gavin sighed, a hand running over his face while he tried not to huff at the girl’s antics. “You can’t be out around town at night like that, kid. It isn’t safe. You know what kind of things I see on a daily basis,” he said, walking back over to sit down on the couch with his elbows resting against his knees.
Lillian shrugged and said nothing. The skin on her nail beds was being thoroughly picked at.
“Is it your parents again?” Gavin pressed, “Are they treating you like shit again?”
Again, Lillian shrugged but answered with, “Kinda, I didn’t do so well on a test.” She scratched down her arm a little too harshly. “How come you don’t have any later photos of you?”
“You never do badly on tests. Too much Jordan time and not enough study time?” Gavin poked back. “Everything all right, Lil?” he curtly nodded to her arms. The dings of warning bells rung in the back of his mind. A sudden chill wracked through his body causing goosebumps to appear.
Lillian tugged at the sleeves. “Yeah, fine. Just cold,” she replied defensively. “What did you mean by ‘Too much Jordan time?’” Her tone oozing sourness.
The two came to a standstill. Heavy breathing came from Lillian’s side of the room but a creak from the couch signaled the departure of the other. Gavin’s footsteps echoed as he walked across the wood floors and to his room where he disappeared from sight behind the door. Lillian’s chest felt heavy as tears prickled at the corners of her eyes. The darkening spiral occupied her mind so much that the clicking of shoes didn’t register, nor did the sinking of leather under another person’s weight. She wrung her hands in her lap. They were clammy and cold.
A photo dropped into her lap and directly on top of her hands. The nervous wringing stopped when the photo registered in Lillian’s head. “That’s you?” she asked.
“That’s me right there,” Gavin pointed at the photo, “Hank sort of acted as a pseudo father-figure. Found me out on the streets after a bad fight with my family. He took this photo for my first day of Sophomore year.”
Lillian cradled the photo with a gentleness only saved for the cats. “You look happier here,” she acknowledged.
“Yeah, well long hair fucking sucks. Always getting caught in everything, it’s heavy, and having to deal with it every day?” Gavin scoffed, attempting to raise the cloud of insecurity hovering over the two of them.
Lillian giggled and as she giggled, it erupted into uncontrollable laughter. “Fuck yes! I hate my hair this length. The only reason I keep it this length is because of my parents,” she tried to stifle her laughter, “I know Jordan has wanted to cut theirs since for-fucking-ever.”
Their laughter filled the air for a moment more before coming to a soft halt. The sounds of them catching their breaths couldn’t be heard over the chirping of their new family member. Princess came bounding over to the pair before flopping into Lillian’s lap and curling into a ball.
“About earlier,” Gavin’s voice slightly wavered, his hand reached to scratch the back of his neck. “I just meant that…. I, um… I noticed you two seem to be, I don’t know, spending a lot of time together. Could that…” He blew a breath through pursued lips, eyes straying across the room. “is that the reason you got kicked out? Did they find out?” he asked, tentatively returning to her face.
“No, because there’s nothing to find out, Gavin. Just because you’re trans and out as a queer man doesn’t mean you have to push your sexuality onto me! I’m not like you!” Lillian yelled. Her hands came down beside her to force herself off the couch to gain some distance. Butterflies ate at her stomach which caused her limp arms to constrict around her midriff. “They’re sick,” she swallowed thickly. Her eyes were distant, like she was parroting a phrase she had been taught from a young age. Gavin’s eyes darted across Lillians body, taking in every shake from tears and anxiety.
“You've mentioned Jordan isn’t straight,” Gavin gently mentioned. “It’s alright if you aren’t either. There are people out there….. people like me and Tina…. We…. We’ll love you, regardless.”
Lillian blubbered uncontrollably; tears drenched her flushing cheeks. The blood rushed through every artery causing her heart to beat like a drum. Gavin’s body ceased functioning at the sudden weight other than the groan that accompanied the new weight. Lillian now tightly wrapped her arms around Gavin’s body. Fingers gripping tightly to the soft cotton material of his shirt. Small hushes followed every sob and sniffle until many minutes had passed.
“C’mon,” Gavin muttered against Lillian’s head.
With small steps, Gavin dragged Lillian back to the couch and lowered them onto it. He handed her the now lukewarm hot chocolate, making sure to keep one hand hovered under the cup every time she raised it. Her breaths slowly steadied with each longer lasting sip of hot chocolate. Lillian lowered the mug onto her lap. The cup was taken by Gavin and placed on the coffee table. A force shoving against her leg proved to be Princess.
“God..” Lillian breathed out, her chest no longer feeling heavy. “I can’t believe this is my life,” she said in between delirious giggles. Her hand covered her mouth.
Gavin scoffed back a laugh. His face melted into unapologetic relief. “Shit… fuck…. I can’t believe I’m housing a fucking teenager,” his own chuckles forcing themselves past his stern lips with every word spoken. “I’m a shitty ass role model.” His hands ran over his face, shoulders quivering.
Laughter echoed off every wall and ceiling in the house. Both of them tried to stifle it as best they could. Princess springing her way onto the couch and into Lillian’s lap was the only thing that could subdue their chuckles. Hands caressed the tangled fur in comfortable silence.
“I think Princess knows what time it is,” Gavin twisted the watch on his wrist in Lillians direction, “We can finish this conversation tomorrow, but I think both my Princesses need their beauty sleep.”
Lillian dry heaved playfully, “That was disgusting. Please never call me that again,” she teased.
Gavin pouted, “But you’re my Princess. My pretty, pretty princess,” he repeated. “My lovely……. Elegant…. Charming, pretty princ-“ he drawled, giving Lillian a light shove.
“Stop,” She dry heaved again, “That’s actually so foul. I never, ever want to hear those words come out of your mouth again.”
Gavin rose from the couch, chuckling a deep laughter as he maneuvered around the house to grab bedding for Lillian. When he came back, Gavin ruffled Lillians hair before rounding the couch to set down the gathered items.
“You are evil! Leaving me with the cat, unable to defend myself!” She shouted at him.
With a shrug, Gavin responded, “Not my fault you brought home the cuddliest little shit to exist. Almost sounds like someone else I know.”
Lillian glared but slowly grazed her hands through the soft fur of the feline purring below her. On the spare couch, Gavin laid out several blankets to make a solid bed pad that could last for the foreseeable future if necessary. Lillian’s chest felt heavy at the sight of Gavin caring for her like this. A few times, her mouth opened and closed. Gavin glanced over; the sight of her flushed and unable to speak, hovered in the corner of his vision.
“I uhm… I really.. fuck this is hard,” she groaned, then chuckled with trembling lips. I really appreciate you being my person all these years,” she breathed out, her fingers twiddled below and eyes now red shot.
Lillian pressed against the couch and pushed herself up into a standing position. Gavin pulled the sheets back for Lillian to crawl into. Before she could crawl into the sheets, she paused and looked between the bed and Gavin. Her breath hitched in preparation for words to flow out. Unfortunately, they stayed trapped behind her tongue as she slid into the bed. With a couple steps taken back, Gavin nodded and gave Lillian a thumbs up.
“Alright, kid. Goodnight,” Gavin took scattered steps towards his room. “If you need me y’know where I’m at. Just, y’know, smother me in my sleep or something. The cats would be pissed,” he said, brows raised with a pointed finger.
Just as Gavin was about to cross the threshold into his darkened room, a murmured, “Wait!” came from where Lillian now sat. Covers wrapped around her shoulders. “Uhm… Can I… Actually, I’m really thirsty.”
Without hesitation, Gavin backtracked with soft steps to the kitchen. The rustling in the kitchen caused Lillian’s lip to turn up in the corners.
He came back with a, “There you go, M’lady.” He bowed and handed over the glass of water.
“Your fucking weird,” her eyes rolled playfully as she spoke.
Gavin shrugged his shoulders. “Is that all you need?” he asked.
There was a slight hesitation from Lillian, “Yeah… yeah it was.”
A skeptical look lingered in Gavin’s eyes while the girl settled back into the covers.
“You can go now,” Lillian huffed and her eyes drooped closed. Every part of her body feeling heavier than ever.
Retreating steps echoed in her ears. The soft sheet lay tucked under her chin, cradled by her hand. Sleep did not come for her easily. It felt as though an eternity had passed. Only when she heard a noise did her eyes fly open.
In front of her, Gavin had rested against the end of the coffee table so that he was almost directly in front of her. A fist was smushed up against his face with his elbow rested on table. His mouth hung open; shallow snores followed every rise of his chest. Lillian’s eyes darted across his body, and a rush of calm enveloped her entire body. Allowing her eyes to fade shut, her breathing to even, and a true smile to grace her lips.