Chapter Text
It wasn't one of their normal nights together, but Hikari hadn't come by the store during the day as he usually had and there was an order waiting for him. Partitio chalked it up to being busy. Even in winter when there wasn't much able to grow in the cold hard ground, there was still plenty to do. Tree sap to harvest, the animals to tend to, fences to mend. The greenhouse had also been fixed just that previous fall, so Hikari did have a few crops growing that still required his attention. But that was fine. The life of a farmer was a busy one, and Partitio loved any excuse to do and see him on the farm, even for a few minutes. Wouldn't hurt to check his supply of firewood, too. Hikari usually kept it well stocked, but the weather could turn at any time this time of year, so it was better safe than sorry.
Partitio locked up right at six o'clock on the dot, and pulled on his heavy coat before stepping out into the cold. With the sun going down, it was already getting even colder out and there was a heavy layer of clouds rolling in off the sea. There might be snow overnight, but that wasn't particularly surprising.
With the box for Hikari tucked under his arm, he stopped first at the saloon, standing by it's roaring fire for just a moment as he told his father where he was going, not that there was any surprise to be had, and then started off for the farm. It wasn't like the order couldn't wait, the seeds inside couldn't be planted until spring anyway, but the sooner he got it the better.
The white of winter all around, biting cold nipping at his fingers and toes, Partitio trudged on through the inches of snow that had fallen a few nights before and had lingered. The sun wasn't quite warm enough this time of year to melt anything completely, so icicles just grew longer during the day as they slowly melted and refroze over night. The farm didn't look much different, the whole place dusted in snow, from the fields to the roofs of the barn and the coop, to even the mailbox, it's little red flag lowered.
Winter made the world quiet. Hikari wasn't out tending the fields, as their was no need. So up to the farmhouse he went, up the shoved and salted steps, and to the door. Hopefully he wasn't out at the mine this late in the day, or off at the quarry. Partitio hadn't considered that at first, and he didn't want to just leave this here.
But knocking on the door produced a shuffling sound from within the farmhouse, a series of bright and crisp meows, and finally, the latch opened. Partitio couldn't help but smile.
But that smile fell the moment the door opened. The sight of Hikari's face, eyes rimmed in red, puffy, his flushed face, pursed lips was nothing to smile at. Partitio knew in an instant that he'd been crying.
“ 'Kari—”
With the sleeve of his sweater, Hikari scrubbed at his face, but that didn't make his expression go away. Had he spent the moment before opening the door doing the same thing to hide his tears.
“ Oh, Partitio,“ he croaked, voice hoarse. He pulled the door open wide, and shut it behind him, closing out the cold winter wind. ”I'm sorry, please, come in.“
Partitio didn't wait. He hadn't even set the box down when he wrapped on arm around Hikari, pulling him close.
” What happened?“
” I—” He pressed his face into Partitio's chest. “I'm okay.”
“ Ya don't look okay.”
There was a moment of silence that stretched between them, but Partitio did not move. He'd hold on as long as Hikari needed him. But finally, he started to pull away, rubbing his face again.
” Sorry.“
” Nothin' to apologize fer.“
” I... I'll put on the kettle.“
” I'll get that, darlin'.“ He leaned forward enough to kiss him on the forehead, cupping his cheek. ”Why don't ya take a seat?“
Hikari nodded, but even after Partitio turned to set down the box and move to the stove to start the kettle boiling, he stood there, as if frozen by the winter cold. Partitio gave him a moment while he got the water to boiling, preparing a couple of mugs for tea. When he turned back, Hikari had finally sat, hands folded on the table, eyes distant, bloodshot. How long had he been crying?
As soon as the kettle was piping hot, Partitio poured out the water, and brought the mugs to the table, passing one over. Hikari's hands wrapped around the warm ceramic, fingers trembling. Only then, did Partitio try to speak.
” Do... do ya wanna talk about it?“
Hikari fumbled for a moment, mouth opening, then closing again, face scrunching, eyes closing to try to dam up against further tears, and finally, he just drew a hitched breath and pushed a piece of paper across the table at him.
He didn't need to be told to read it at that point, and the contents of the letter that he held in his hand both surprised him, and filled the pit of his guts with pain, drew all the moisture out of his mouth.
” This is...” He stopped himself, almost not believing what was there. But the letter head, the almost clinical nature of it, the fancy signature at the bottom made it clear that it was anything but a fake.
“ Notice of the execution of my father's will.”
Partitio swallowed hard. There was only one reason such a notice would be sent out.
“ I—” Hikari sucked in a breath, trying to calm himself. “I didn't even know he had—”
“ Hey, take it easy.” Partitio reached across the table, setting a hand on his. “Deep breaths.”
With a nod, and an attempt at just that, Hikari tried again.
“ Apparently, it was last season.”
“ And they just... never contacted ya.”
“ I can't say I blame them. After what I told them last year.
I don't care.
Those words were clear, and they had been heard. Even this letter seemed like a legal courtesy from an attorney more than anything, a notification of what had been left to Hikari after the death of his father.
Partitio didn't know what to say.
“ I... I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. I'm sad. I can't help but cry. But... but he and I were so distant.“
” It ain’t yer fault.”
The words felt hollow, but Partitio meant them. Maybe he only had Hikari's side of the story, but when he had spoken last winter of his childhood filled with distant hurts, a life where he was made to feel as though he didn't matter, no special birthdays, no celebrations, only a father he never seemed to be able to please and a life of loneliness, it had been genuine. And even Hikari's tears now, after everything, still made sense.
“ I can't help but think that I... that I should have talked to him at least. That maybe I did the wrong thing, pushing them away, i \n cutting them out of my life.”
“ It ain't yer responsibility to try and fix what happened between ya.”
Partitio left his mug, scooting his chair across the wooden floor to sit closer, to wrap his arms around Hikari and hold him tight once more.
“ Ya were just a kid. And,” Partitio swallowed on his own bitter words. He didn't know Hikari's father. He didn't know anything beyond the valley. “And well, ya worked hard to make a life a yer own. Ya were just a kid. It wasn't yer responsibility to hold it all together.”
Through gritted teeth, through pursed lips, Hikari let out a whine, a thin start to a new flood of tears, as he leaned into Partitio, as his trembling hands clawed at the back of Partitio's sweater and his eyes leaked burning tears into his shirt. Maybe those words wouldn't ease Hikari's pain, his regrets. But there was no turning back now, no point in dwelling in what could have been. He wouldn't say that out loud. That truth was too harsh and callous in this moment. After all, Hikari would come to those truths himself eventually, if he hadn't already.
The mugs of tea turned cold while he held Hikari, stroking his hair, rubbing his back, the occasional soft reminder that he was there for him, that everything would be okay. Hikari did not speak, voice swallowed by tears, by trembling, until it finally started to slow, started to ease. His breath was still ragged, his hands still holding tight as he fought for every breath.
“ It'll be okay, darlin'.”
“ I know,“ he said finally, although there was doubt in that tone. ”Its strange... I don't know that I loved my father. I don't know if he loved me. But still.“
” It's alright. It's alright to cry, to be sad 'bout it.“
Not just the death, but the thoughts of what could have been, what might have been if his father had been a different man, if circumstances had changed even a little. Would his desire to flee that home he felt he never had drive him to the valley, to cultivate with his own two hands the farm that his grandfather had left him, the farm where his mother had grown up? Partitio couldn't help but wonder a little himself. But there was no point in chasing the thoughts of things that couldn't happen, of lives they weren't leading. He had tormented himself with those for weeks now.
” I'm okay,“ Hikari said, finally pulling away, scrubbing at his eyes. ”Sorry. Sorry. I'm okay.“
Partitio only nodded, one hand squeezing his knee.
Hikari's breathing did ease, slowing in its hitching. Although his eyes were still ringed in red, bloodshot and wet, he finally seemed to be calming down. He finished the tea in his mug, although it had long gone cold by now.
“ I'm sorry,“ he said again, even though he didn't need to. There was nothing at all to apologize for. ”I shouldn't keep you any longer. It's getting late.“
But Partitio di d n't want to go. Those tears had only just stopped, and he felt they wouldn't be away for long. After the door was closed and he had walked out into the night, would they continue to flow to the silence of the empty farmhouse? He couldn't bear that thought. But in the same vein, he didn't want to overstay his welcome.
” Ya sure yer okay?“ he asked, brushing a wisp of hair away from Hikari's face.
” Yes. I'll be fine.“
But he didn't want to go.
But he had to. It really was getting late. His fathers were expecting him home by now, and the already bitter cold was just going to get worse. But he didn't want to leave Hikari like this.
Stiffly, the two of them made for the door, the touch between them unbroken. Partitio didn't pull his hand away from Hikari's shoulder, pulling him in for just a moment more to hold him close there at the threshold, to whisper once more that everything would be fine, that he was here if Hikari needed anything at all.
It was a few moments more before Hikari even put his hand on the doorknob, as if content in Partitio's arms. But finally pulling that door open, they were both met with a sight.
What had been a simple steady snow, softly falling flakes, had changed in the time Partitio had been there, the wind blowing into the house so briskly that it threatened to blow the hearth fire right out with it's bitter cold, shards of ice slicing at them, and beyond, the snow was getting higher.
It took the strength of them both to shut and bolt the door against the raging snowstorm outside.
“ Well,” Partitio said, unsure of what else to say.
“ It's far to dangerous for you to leave with it like that.”
“ Naw, it ain't that bad,“ he lied. ”I've seen worse winters in all my years here.“
Hikari frowned. He wasn't convinced by those words, and rightly so.
“ Why...” he paused a moment, as if rolling the rest of his question around in his mouth before speaking it, “Why don't you stay the night?”
Partitio felt a heat creep up his neck, inching over the collar of his coat. It hadn't been meant like that, and he knew it. But if for a second his thoughts didn't turn in that direction, he'd have been a liar to say they didn't. He shouldn't have been thinking that way. It was a request innocently meant, and he knew that. Hikari was only being kind in offering him a place to stay.
“ Won't be a nuisance?”
“ You've never been one.” And although those eyes were still wet, that voice soft and hoarse, those words, that smile, were genuine. He couldn't turn it down.
“ Okay, then. I'll stay. If yer sure.“
” I am.“
Next order of business came a second later, the quiet between them punctuated by the groan of Hikari's stomach. His own responded with a squeal. At least they laughed about it.
“ Guessin' ya hadn't had dinner yet?”
“ No,” Hikari said sheepishly. “I got the letter this evening after I had finished chores and well... never got around to it.”
“ And I came right from the store.” He sloughed off his coat, hanging in on one of the pegs behind the door. ”What say we rustle up something to eat together?”
It would take Hikari's mind off things, if only for a little while. The company would be good for him. A meal in his belly wouldn't stop his mourning, but it might make the burden of it a little easier to bear.
Together, they rifled through the refrigerator and the cabinets, pulling together enough ingredients to make a hearty salmon and corn chowder. For the hour that they cooked together there in the warmth of the farm house's kitchen, the burdens of grief seemed to be forgotten and Hikari could smile once more, even if it was only for a little while, a fleeting moment of peace. They alternated chopping up potatoes and onions, garlic and corn and stirring the pot, adding in spices and taste testing their mixture.
A little salt, a little pepper. Their hands brushed one another, their elbows bumped in the quarters that didn't have to be so cramped, but Partitio was just glad they were close.
Some more garlic, a dash of red pepper. Another taste. The warmth of the moment, all the love in his heart. A soup such as this wouldn't take Hikari's pain away, wouldn't make the news he received any less heartbreaking. But in some small way, in what little way Partitio could, he hoped it helped.
They ate side by side at the table, sharing a loaf of day old bread between them along with the soup, a little more tea. And although it was only for a moment, everything felt right.
Partitio had thought it before. He had thought it a million times before. He thought how he could do this happily every day of his life, every second of his existence. How there was no where he'd rather be than at home in the valley with Hikari. Even before summer had turned to autumn and autumn to winter. He'd known for months, for a year, for more. Maybe he didn't remember it now, but maybe at ten he'd felt this way. Maybe this was always what he'd been waiting for.
The idea of soulmates felt cheap. Maybe it was romantic, having someone who you were destined to meet, destined to love, but this felt like more than some predetermination by the gods. No, this wasn't like that. He loved Hikari on purpose. He loved Hikari because he wanted to. It was as simple as that.
Just as they had cooked, they cleaned up together, washing and drying the dishes in tandem, wiping down the counters and table, making sure Kage had fresh food and water and stoking the fire. It was late now, very late. Probably the other side of midnight if he had to guess. He didn't dare look at the clock. Time was teasing him, winding up. They would have to sleep soon.
Hikari dug an extra blanket out of a storage chest and started to turn down the bed. But both of them seemed to dither. Partitio was going to have to say it. There was only one bed after all, and he certainly wasn't looking to impose anymore than he already had.
“Guess I'll camp out in front of the fire here,” he said with a smile. It wouldn't be his bed back home, but he'd make due.
For a moment, Hikari regarded him silently, but behind his dark eyes, it seemed as though his mind was whirling. He opened his mouth once, twice, but no words came out until finally the third time. They were soft and surprising.
”Why don't... we just share?“
”P-Pardon?“ he croaked. He had to be red an autumn beet.
”The floor won't be very comfortable or warm. And there's plenty of room.“
”I don't wanna impose.“
He did want to jump out of his own skin, electrified by the sparking of his nerves. It didn't mean anything. It was just sleeping together. Just staying warm against the cold.
”You're not.“ And then, softer, almost lost under the crackling of the fire in the hearth and in his heart. “I'd prefer it.”
“A-Alright.”
“Unless you don't want to...?”
“No, I—!” he gulped down a breath and tried to force his heart back down into his ribs were it belonged. “Yeah. That's fine by me.”
“I'll get changed then.”
And realizing a split second later that there was no where else for Hikari to do that, Partitio turned back to the fire to give him a little privacy, only looking away once Hikari signaled that he was done. The old flannel pajamas were a little big on him, but something about that made the sight of Hikari standing there by the bed even cuter. Partitio had to focus. Gods if that weren't a task.
”I'm sorry that I don't have anything you can change into,“ Hikari said, almost sheepishly, busying himself with arranging the covers.
”It's alright. Sleeping in tee shirt and jeans never hurt me before. 'Sides, there's a... uh... bit of a size difference between us anyway.”
Hikari hid a brief spate of laughter behind one hand. “I suppose that's true.”
Shedding his sweater and leaving it over on of the chair backs, Partitio toed out of his boots, letting them sit by the door. He tried not to look at Hikari sitting on the edge of the bed, bare feet on the floor. He tried not to think too hard about anything at all. It was for the best that way.
Finally, they cut out the lights, leaving only the hearth casting it's warm orange glow over the room. Hikari nestled under the covers first, pressing himself toward the wall, and Partitio hesitantly slid in beside him, pulling the covers over them both as he tried to ignore the pounding of his heart.
They had danced together, cooked together, been in close proximity for weeks now. Held hands. Embraced. Kissed. But this was different. This was different and Partitio couldn't get that thought out of his head.
He did his best to try and relax, staring up at the ceiling. But it wasn't want he wanted to do. No, every bone in his body, ever fiber of his being wanted to /hold/ Hikari.
They laid there in an eerie silence for a long time, or what felt like a long time. He didn't dare look at the clock. Time teased him. Sleep was nowhere to be found. There was no shred of tiredness in his whole body.
“Ya awake...?“ he finally asked, turning his head.
”Yes... I'm... I'm really not very tired.“
He chuckled, even though he wasn't sure what was so humorous. “Me neither.”
Silence stretched on. He hated it, wanting to fill it with any sound at all save Hikari's tears. He shouldn't have asked, but he did.
“Are ya feelin' any better?“
There was a moment before Hikari's reply came, as if he was weighing it.
”A little. Thanks to you.“
“I'm glad,“ he muttered. There was so much more he wanted to say, that he wanted to do
“Would you...” Hikari started, voice breaking off in the quiet between them before picking up again. “Would you hold me?“
”'Course.“ Of course he would. Any time, any day. And Partitio rolled to his side, wrapping his arms around Hikari. He nestled in, placing his hands on Partitio's back and sighing deeply. ”Better?“
”Yes.“
He pressed a kiss into Hikari's hair, but wasn't surprised when his mouth caught the next one, a simple and chaste meeting of their lips. But there was a fire behind it that Partitio couldn't deny feeling, the same rush of summer lightning that had danced on his nerves every time they embraced. He knew he shouldn't have been feeling it. It wasn't the right time. It wasn't a good time. But there was only so much he could do to help that.
Try as he might to put it out of his mind one kiss became another and then a third still, until in the swirl of his brain, Partitio lost count. Hikari's body was pressed close against him, so close that he was sure that he wasn't going to be able to hide his excitement.
”Wait,” he said, breaking off a kiss that he wished he hadn't had to. But he needed to know with his heart and his body trying to get ahead of his brain.
“What's wrong?” Hikari asked, still cupping his face.
“Are... are ya sure ya wanna do this? That yer ready?”
It felt like a big leap. But maybe it wasn't. Partitio wasn't sure. He loved Hikari. He wanted to be with him. But he needed to be certain that was what Hikari wanted too, that come dawn, there wouldn't be any regrets for either of them, that they weren't jumping into things too quickly. With Hikari still burdened by grief, not something easily forgotten in just a few hours time, was he thinking clearly about what all this meant? Maybe he had. But maybe his grief was painting his desires now, promising some peace, some relief in Partitio's arms that he might not really find there once the light of dawn was coming through the window. He wasn't about to take advantage of Hikari's feelings, of his mental state.
“Yes.” Hikari voice was steady and sure. “I'm certain.”
“I need ya ta really think about this. I know a lot happened today.”
Hikari reached between them, twining his fingers with Partitio's. Maybe it was just his own heart beating this fast.
”I'm thinking clearly. I promise. I... I want to be with you.”
Partitio tried to resist asking again. There was nothing but sincerity in Hikari's voice, in the look in his eyes. But one last time. He had to ask one last time.
“Ya sure?”
“Yes.” Hikari kissed him, squeezing his hands. “Yes. Because it's you. It's always been you.”
And in those arms, he found eagerness and warmth, desire in his name uttered softly between hitching breaths and drowning kisses. And when the moment cooled, they laid bare beneath the heavy quilt, crushed together against the cold night air.
“Thank you,” Hikari said, voice hoarse, laying his head against Partitio chest.
Partitio threaded his fingers through Hikari's long, silken black hair. “I love ya.”
“I love you, too.”
And for a little while, Hikari seemed to drift in and out of sleep, but Partitio found there was still none in him at all. He wasn't wound up, per say, but he wasn't tired either. He just laid there, content to hold Hikari in his arms, to rub his back, to have him close. So much had happened in such a short time. And now, he could only think about the pendant that was still sitting in his pocket, in the pants that were now lost somewhere on the floor.
Maybe it was too early. Maybe it wasn't. He couldn't be sure until he asked.
”What are you thinking about?“ Hikari asked, rousing a little.
”A whole lot.“
”Me, too.“
”Can I ask ya somethin'?“
”Always.“
”Hang on a sec.“
He shifted just enough to reach down and fish around on the floor with one hand, finding his discarded jeans. Hikari leaned up in his spot a little bit, watching quizzically. Finally, he found the pocket and the little box, taking a deep breath. He was really going to do this. Maybe he was the one who wasn't thinking clearly. Maybe he was thinking clearly for the first time in weeks.
But no grand question, no brilliant proposal like he had hoped. With his thumb, he flipped open the lid of the box and showed it to Hikari. His stubborn and useless lips could only manage the simplest question on his mind.
“Do ya wanna?”
It should have been more special than this. Hikari deserved it. But once the surprise faded from his eyes, he was smiling all the same.
But he didn't' reply immediately, instead leaning over Partitio and digging through the drawer of the nightstand before withdrawing a similar little box. And within, a second mermaid pendant.
“Do you?”
And for a moment, they both erupted into a fit of laughter over the simplicity and mere coincidence.
“Now, that ain't fair!” Partitio said, voice still rumbling with laughter. “I asked ya first.”
“So you did.” Hikari cleared his throat a little, finding one of Partitio's hands under the covers. “Yes. A hundred times yes.”
“I feel the same.“
They kissed again, a warmth that bubbling up in his chest threatening to break into a boil, to burst clean out of him. He held Hikari close, planting kisses on his forehead, in his hair. He looped the pendant around Hikari's neck, and held still while Hikari did the same to him.
”I 'd like nothin' better than ta spend the rest a my life here with ya. Here on the farm. Here in the valley.“
”This is home now. And there's no one I'd rather share it with than you.”
“Hooey,” Partitio said, eyes returning to the ceiling again as the weight of the moment finally started to settle in.
“Something the matter?” Hikari hummed.
“Nah, nothin' at all. Just got a lot ta do now it feels like. Gotta break the news to Pops and Pa. Get planning and all.”
“Hmm. That's true.”
“How's the first a spring sound?”
“For the date?”
“Yeah. The two year anniversary of ya movin' ta town.” The anniversary of the start of everything. He couldn't think of a better date. The spring had set all this in motion once more, thawing the frost of the coldness of Hikari's life before.
“That's perfect.”
“Good. I can't wait ta start planning. Gotta think about flowers and what we'll wear, how we'll decorate.” There was so much that it was almost making his head spin.
“I'm sure we'll figure it all out. After all, ceremony or not, I'm already happy to get to call this place home with you.”
Kage hopped up on the bed, purring so hard that it felt like he'd rattle the bed frame apart, but he finally settled toward the end of the bed, kneading the quilt until he finally curled up there. There really would be a lot to start doing come morning. But for now, they could simply rest. The dawn was still a ways away, and for now, the comfort of each others arms was all they needed.
They made the official announcement a few days later at the Festival of the Winter Star, and were met with happiness from all assembled. Partitio and Hikari had spoke with his fathers first, and although Roque held his calm remarkably, Papp was scrubbing tears from his eyes as soon as it hit him, but they were tears of joy. He had about lifted Hikari off the ground when he hugged him tight, blubbering about how happy he was and about finally being able to welcome him to the family. Partitio would have been lying if he hadn't gotten a little misty eyed at the moment too.
And finally the first day of spring came, the trees all over down bursting to life right on cue, petals and leaves bright and soft in the breeze. Even the mountains seemed to slough off the chill of winter in celebration, trading all but the highest peaks of snow for cloaks of pink and white blossoms.
Just in the town square, the whole village was assembled, Temenos waited with Partitio at the end of a laid out carpet under a banner of flowery boughs. Papp stood with them, behind Partitio, but holding one of his hands tight as if trying to fight off another round of tears that threatened to spring up as soon as Hikari set foot on the path that cut through the crowd.
They had decided that it didn't need to be fancy, just the best clothing they each already owned, just the flowers of spring. Papp had insisted on catering the reception that was to follow and would take no argument about the grandness of the cake his /sons/ deserved. But even in just his nicest clothing, Hikari still looked so bright, so happy, beaming like the sun itself rising over the sea. And Partitio couldn't stop smiling. He wasn't sure he ever would.
Although the pace was traditionally slow, Hikari moved with purpose up the carpet, up to stand at the little altar that had been arranged for the two of them, and Papp finally let go of his hand long enough the Partitio could hold both of Hikari's.
He barely heard Temenos's speech, even for how brief it was. His full attention was on Hikari, on the warmth of his hands in Partitio's, on the smile he wore. Even as his eyes blurred with tears. Gods, this was really happening! It wasn't just some deep winter night's dream. It was real, as real as the sunrise and sunset, as real as the change of the seasons, as real as the life they were going to build together.
“Partitio.“ Temenos's voice pulled him back to the moment, to reality.
”Yeah?“ he croaked to the collective laughter of the gathered townsfolk.
”Do you?“
Squeezing Hikari's hands, there was only one answer. There had only ever been one answer.
”I do.“
”And Hikari, do you?“
For just a second, there was an unmistakable glimmer of water at the edge of Hikari's eyes.
”I do.“
He barely had the words out of his mouth before their assembled friends and family erupted into cheering. And as soon as the kiss that sealed their union was over, Partitio grabbed Hikari, lifting him up, swinging him around, laughter and light bubbling up out of his mouth. Hikari leaned down, cupping his face, kissing him again, a long and drawn out moment of stillness.
And while Partitio was sure that this was the happiest day of his life, he knew that there would be many, many more to come.