Chapter Text
Tsukasa just laid there.
It had been an eventful night.
He was tired, but not enough to sleep.
Even as Rui snored on him — or — if you could call his weird purring that.
Tsukasa just laid there.
He tried not to listen. It was making his head hurt.
He felt horrible.
Tsukasa had ruined the SEKAI. He’d ruined somewhere for his members to go, to play, to sit, to relax.
He’d ruined it.
Rui’d be so disappointed if he found out.
Tsukasa’s head rolled over just enough to look at the sleeping inventor. Rui had tangled his headphones around his wrist and his phone, probably on the floor, was nowhere to be seen. In spite of that, he was snoring like a sawmill on his friend, fast asleep. His mouth was open enough just for Tsukasa to guess he was probably going to start drooling as well.
Tsukasa’s face relaxed. Deep breaths, he told himself.
In, and out.
……
….…
He shuts his eyes.
Shhhhh. Shhh.
Don’t listen.
You don’t deserve to be kept up all night. Maybe if you calm down, the SEKAI’ll return to normal.
Tsukasa looks at his wrists. Where did all the paint marks go?
He shivered slightly at the thought of them staying. Tsukasa felt sick, but not in the nauseous way he normally did, no, he felt sick with a new type of repulsion he hadn’t felt before. Rui shifts a little when he feels the small bristle against him.
Tsukasa forced his eyes back shut. Sleep soon was gratuitous enough to grace him the more he listened to Rui’s softish breaths.
His vision was hazy and soft enough to realise he was dreaming. Tsukasa was sat at the dinner table, and when he looked down at his plate, his vision was too blurry to see it. Two gentle hands come from behind and plant a knife and fork before him, while another pair tuck a serviette into his collar as if he was a child. The womanly hands rest upon his shoulder and a motherly voice speaks in his ear as she leans down to say:
”Eat up, darling.”
That was his mother’s voice — he could recognise it from anywhere, after all.
”You don’t want to waste your mother’s time, do you?”
She’d never say that, he knew. Tsukasa fingers reach toward the knife and fork, but don’t quite wrap around the handles yet.
”Do you?”
Her words ring and tap against his skull, a painful reminder of earlier’s meal being wasted. The one Saki made, the one he threw up.
”You don’t want to waste our food, do you?”
They pang against his ears, getting more shrill after their leave her mouth, making Tsukasa wince. Then, in his other ear, he hears another voice, but like his mother’s, Tsukasa cannot see their face. He can move his hands, but not his head.
”Well? You don’t want to disappoint your old man, do you?”
It was clearly his father’s voice, in spite of the fact that Tsukasa couldn’t see him.
He picks up the fork and stabbed it into whatever was on his plate. By force, he shoved it in his mouth. It tasted awful. Tsukasa couldn’t tell whether if that was his parents’ doing or his body convincing him everything tasted horrible.
“Mmnfh—“
Tsukasa started to cough, his body rejecting it, but before he could gag—
his mother’s hand sinks over his mouth.
Coldly, she whispers, “No no. You’ll eat. Every. Last. Bite.”
”And you’ll polish that plate of yours.”
It was in an authoritative tone, like how she’d speak to him if he wasn’t cleaning his room when she asked, or when he didn’t get a test score that was satisfactory or—
“Hurry, eat up.”
Tsukasa tentatively swallows the repulsive food. And he takes another bite, having to cover his mouth to swallow like how you’d swallow a pill.
And he ate. Until every last crumb on that plate of mess was gone.
Tsukasa could finally move his head. He tried to look up at his parents, but he didn’t see anything.
His stomach sinks.
He’d done all that for nothing.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
This can’t be happening.
He was disgusting, well and truly. Tsukasa drops the knife and fork on the table with a clatter, shakily standing up. He was scared.
Tsukasa’s hand still clutched his mouth, and he found himself being unable to let go. He was convinced, that if he let go, he’d vomit. He didn’t want to vomit. He hated it. The boy let out a sob and shook his head as he stumbled so far back he fell into the wall.
Tsukasa looks up through his eyelashes. Saki stood over him. She looked deeply disappointed.
”You wasted your food, big brother..”
She upturns her eyebrows and leans down to his height on the floor.
”Disappointing.. I really thought you were stronger than that.”
”You’re a terrible brother.”
Those words rang through his head so loudly Tsukasa thought they were going to split his head in half. He no longer cared about whether if he was going to throw up or not.
“My food..”
Saki starts to sob. Tsukasa couldn’t move.
”You taught me how to make that recipe, did I not do enough of a good job? I could .. make a better plate next time!”
Her words turn from cold and angry to flat-out depressing, wailing and sobbing so loudly Tsukasa felt as if his ears were going to bleed. It was so overwhelming, and the soft, hazy light was getting so harsh his head was aching.
”I can..”
”I can try again, Tsukasa..”
She wails.
”If it makes you proud.. and .. I promise.. I’ll make a better plate..”
Tsukasa blinks and she disappears. Nene and Emu were now standing over him, fists clenched. Rui was not there, strangely enough, considering he was there most of the time in his dreams.
”You ruined it, Tsukasa-kun! Because of your own selfish desires!”
Emu sobs loudly. Nene wasn’t saying anything.
”The SEKAI.. all the Vocaloids are all sad because of you..” she sniffles, wailing, high-pitched and shrill.
”You made it rain! Now it’s all scary! I don’t want to go there anymore!! I don’t want to preform with you anymore!”
Tsukasa just glared, paralysed.
”She’s right. Rui-kun should’ve never forgave you back then. You’re a disgrace of a leader.”
Nene chimes in, sounding furious.
”Disgrace..” Emu echoes through her tears, “I hate you!”
Tsukasa covers his ears. They continue to speak anyway.
”Disgusting.”
He didn’t know which one said that. When he reopened his eyes, they were gone.
Tsukasa was back in his bedroom. He checks the time.
“Oh dear.”
He was late for school.
Rui was still asleep.
Oh dear indeed!