Chapter Text
Eddie looks behind him as he climbs into the truck and sees Buck peering over the balcony with a sobbing Aidan in his arms, pointing in Eddie’s direction. Eddie sends them both a quick wave and blowing them a kiss before settling himself next to Chimney, bracing himself as Bobby floors the engine.
“So, what do we know?” he asks as Hen fiddles with the iPad, reading off the information from dispatch.
“33-year-old female, G3P2, 35 weeks, SROMed earlier this morning with clear liquor, has been contracting 5 in 10 for a few hours and reports feeling pressure down below” Hen rattles off.
Eddie blinks. “Y’all know I’m not a medic, right? What’s all that in English?”
Hen barely contains a smirk as she repeats the information. “She’s had 2 previous births, her waters broke earlier and were clear, not bloody, and is having contractions two minutes apart. Considering she’s already got pressure I’d say we’ll be lucky if we get there in time.”
“Have we called for another unit? I mean, technically we’re gonna have two patients, right? Mom and baby?”. Eddie’s mind is running circles trying to come up with all the possible scenarios. 35 weeks is too early for a baby to arrive, technically classed as a late pre-term birth, so chances are the baby might not be breathing too well and will require extra support. And the mother could have a haemorrhage, or the baby could get stuck. There’s an awful lot that can go wrong and Eddie can feel his pulse begin to quicken.
“No other units are available so it’s just us,” Chim replies, “But we’ve got me and Hen, and you and Bobby, so that’s plenty to care for two patients, right?”
Eddie’s not super sure about that but he figures he’ll have to wait and see.
“So, which one of you is going to take point and deliver this kid?”
“Bags not!” Hen and Chim both exclaim, pointing at the other.
Bobby snorts from the front seat. “Looks like you’re going to be running this show then, Diaz.” Eddie freezes.
Um. What?
It’s pretty safe to say Eddie’s tied himself in knots by the time they get to scene.
“Seriously, Bobby, you’re gonna let me do this?” he asks as he jumps out of the engine, following so close behind Bobby that he almost kicks the guy’s ankles as they walk.
“You’ve had your emergency childbirth training, correct?” Bobby asks, throwing Eddie a bag labelled “Emergency Birth Pack”.
“I mean, sure, but I’ve never actually –“
“- Then you’ll be absolutely fine. Hen and Chim will be right behind you.” Bobby pats him on the back. “Gotta have a first time for everything, Eddie.”
“But Cap –“ he protests, but Bobby’s already out of earshot, striding towards the door.
Eddie turns to Hen, on the verge of begging at this point. “Hen, seriously, are you sure about this? I’m not – I haven’t -”
He knows he can do it, theoretically. He’s done it in simulation before and there’s part of his medic brain that’s soothing him, telling him it’ll be just like removing a live explosive cap from a man’s leg, with less fatal consequences, and that if she bleeds, it’ll be like any other internal injury, right? Just, you know, while being elbow deep in a woman’s uterus if things do go tits up.
“Eddie, you’ve pulled four people out of a burning helicopter while under fire, I’m sure you can pull the baby out of this woman’s vagina,” Hen says humorously, but her face softens when she sees the anxiety in his eyes. “Look, Chim and I will be right behind you if anything goes wrong - which it won’t,” she adds hastily when she sees his eyes widen.
“Besides,” Chimney adds, clapping him on the back, “Hen and I have both delivered babies. It’s your turn now. Buck’s gonna be so mad he’s missing this.”
Eddie trails behind Hen and Chimney as they enter the house, following the low groans of the labouring mother and Bobby’s soft, soothing voice. His thoughts are flying through his brain at a million miles a minute, trying to remember what he was taught about childbirth. Something along the lines of don’t touch until the head is born and then guide the kid out.
Easy as, right?
The EMS gods must be listening to him because it’s one of the easiest deliveries Eddie’s ever seen.
Hen and Chim dump their gear next to the woman and immediately begin to get out equipment. Chimney’s put himself in charge of resus when the baby’s born, if it’s needed, so he sets out a load of towels on the floor next to the mother, a small sized mask so he can bag the baby if necessary, and a stethoscope to listen to baby’s heart and lungs.
Eddie sets his pack down next to the woman and offers her what he hopes is a reassuring smile. “Afternoon ma’am, my name’s Eddie,” he introduces himself.
“Amber” she replies through gritted teeth, one hand clutching her belly and the other hand crushing Bobby’s fingers. Eddie can tell the captain is doing his best not to wince.
“Amber, you said you were feeling pressure when you were on the phone with 9-1-1, is that pressure still there?” Eddie asks as he wrestles on a pair of gloves.
“Yeah, feels like the baby’s sitting on my tailbone.” Amber groans, borne away on a wave of pain as another contraction slams through her body.
“Is it okay if I check you real quick?” Eddie asks, grabbing a couple of towels from the emergency birth pack. Amber nods and Eddie lifts the blanket, gently inserting two fingers and recoiling when they come into contact with the baby’s head. He does a quick feel around to make sure there’s no cervix left, noting that he barely got up to his second knuckle. This baby was coming, and fast.
“Hen, I need you to grab a cord clamp and scissors. She’s 10cm and baby is coming, now,” he instructs and Hen scrambles to grab the equipment. Eddie taps Amber’s knee, encouraging her legs open. “Amber, your baby’s head is right there so on your next contraction I’m going to need you to push, okay?”
“My husband,” Amber pants, looking around her, “Someone go get my husband, please. He’s in the bedroom with our kids.”
“On it,” Bobby gets up and disappears down the corridor.
Eddie puts a hand on her belly, waiting to feel it harden. Slowly but surely, the skin beneath his fingers becomes firmer and firmer. “Okay, Amber, I need you to push for me now, all the way down” he says as her abdomen becomes as hard as a rock and Amber lets out a long, loud groan.
Hen moves to take Bobby’s place, grabbing Amber’s hand, and holds her head. “Chin to your chest, that’s it,” she says soothingly.
As she pushes, Eddie can see a small amount of dark hair begin to appear and, with a thrill of panic, he slaps a warm, wet towel to her perineum. There will be no tearing here today, thank you.
The contraction eases off and Amber lets her head fall back onto Hen’s knees.
“That was really good, Amber, you’re doing so well,” Hen praises and Eddie notices that he’s been stroking her knee encouragingly.
“I could see the top of baby’s head with that one, you’re so close” he tells her, and Amber smiles tiredly.
Bobby appears in the doorway with Amber’s husband, who immediately rushes to his wife’s side, taking her spare hand in his.
“Took your time, Cam,” Amber says quietly. Her husband smooths a hand over her forehead, pushing back a lock of damp hair.
“The kids were scared.”
Amber scoffs, and Eddie’s amazed she can still have a sense of humour at a time like this. “Just the kids?”
Cam blushes and goes back to stroking his wife’s hair.
It’s quiet for a moment, giving Eddie a moment to marvel at the situation. Here he is, about to be responsible for the creation of new life. Not that he’s directly responsible, that’s all Amber and Cam, but he’s about to bring that new life into the world. It makes him think back to Christopher’s birth, how he’d been so excited to meet his son, and terrified at the same time because what if he fucked it up? And then Christopher had gotten stuck, both him and Shannon had nearly died, and Eddie had been powerless to do nothing but stand and watch.
He’s not going to let that happen today. He’s gonna deliver the hell out of this baby.
Amber grimaces and Eddie can feel her belly tighten beneath her fingers. He catches Hen’s eye over Amber’s head and nods.
“Alright Amber, another good push for me, that’s it.”
It’s with awe that Eddie watches the small patch of hair get bigger and bigger, stretching and pushing its way through. He can feel the skin beneath his hand straining, and he tightens his grip, holding it together.
“That’s it, that’s it, you’re doing so well, keep going!”
The contraction tapers off just as it looks like the baby’s head is about to pop free and Amber lets out a sharp cry, her knuckles turning white as her grip on Hen and Cam’s hands tighten. “Fuck that hurts!”
“Baby’s head is so close to coming out, just take small, panting breaths for me.”
The next contraction comes quicker than the previous and Eddie watches, slightly stunned, as the baby’s head emerges, face all squished and a little purple from the pressure of being shoved down the birth canal. There’s a loud cry from Amber as the baby’s head pops free and Eddie leaves Hen to deal with it because he’s primarily focussed on getting the shoulders out on the next contraction.
It’s like he’s watching pages of textbook flickering through his brain, words like “shoulder dystocia” and “restitution” flashing in his mind’s eye. He can remember vaguely learning how to get in and flick out a baby’s arm if needed but he prays it won’t come to that, it’s been going so well so far.
“Okay, Amber, I know it hurts but on your next contraction I’m going to need you to give me the biggest push you’ve ever done,” Eddie instructs. “Cam, if you want to watch baby come out, now’s your chance, man.”
Cam gulps, looking a little pale, and shakes his head. “Y-ya know, I think I-I’m good here, thanks” he stammers, and Amber rolls her eyes.
“He threw up when our oldest was born and fainted at the second. Pathetic”
Eddie snorts, as if he wasn’t a second away from doing the same thing at Christopher’s birth. “Hey, it happens.”
It strikes Eddie how odd it is that he’s having a very casual conversation with someone while they have a face sticking out between their legs. The baby’s face, thankfully, isn’t getting any more purple, and Eddie briefly remembers that babies won’t actually take their first breath until their bodies have passed entirely through the birth canal, something about the pressure of their chest suddenly being decompressed being enough to draw their lungs open and for them to take their first breath.
A quick glance at Chimney reveals that the man is ready to receive the baby, a towel draped over his arms. Hen’s breath hisses as she inhales sharply as Amber clamps down on her hand once more, the contraction building and building. Eddie wraps both hands around the baby’s head and neck, careful not to occlude the air way.
“Push, Amber, push! That’s it!” he encourages as he applies a small amount of traction, the baby’s neck lengthening until the first shoulder pops free and then, suddenly, the rest of the baby follows in a slippery rush that’s got Eddie scrambling to support the body before the baby goes flopping onto the floor.
“It’s a girl!” He’s holding the baby up, unable to tear his eyes away from the small, almost too small, slimy, and yet perfect human being in his arms, starting at her in amazement before remembering that skin to skin is key just after birth. Lion King moment over, he moves towards the expectant mother.
Eddie’s dimly aware of the fact that he can’t hear any screaming as he lifts the baby up onto Amber’s chest.
“Eddie?” Bobby’s voice is low, almost a warning, and Eddie knows, he knows he’s gotta do something, and fast.
“Yeah, Cap, I know”
He grabs a towel and scoots up so he’s at Amber’s side. He hasn’t even had time to inspect for damage… down there, but right now he’s got other priorities.
Amber grabs his arm as he reaches over with a towel, covering the baby and begins to rub her back thoroughly. “I-is everything okay? Why isn’t she crying?”
“Baby’s a little early and sometimes they need a little help breathing.” Eddie turns to Hen when it becomes apparent that this baby is going to need more than stimulation to get her breathing, his voice low and urgent. “Hen, I need you to clamp the cord and cut it, I’ve got to get her to Chim”.
Hen nods resolutely and does as he said, placing two clamps about 2 inches above the start of the cord, and cuts into it with the scissors. It’s tough, almost chewy, and takes a couple of attempts before the cord is cut and Eddie swiftly brings the baby into his arms.
“Chim, you ready for me?”
Chimney already has the small mask out and the high flow oxygen set up. “Yes sir.”
It’s been 40 seconds since the baby was born and she still hasn’t taken a breath.
Eddie lays the baby out on the towels in front of Chimney and immediately focuses himself on resuscitation, leaving Bobby and Hen to reassure the parents.
“Starting rescue breaths” Chimney announces, and he covers the baby’s face with the mask. Eddie holds her head stead, ensuring her airway is open, and Chimney administers the breaths.
“Good chest rise” Eddie notes. “Keep going.”
The tension in the room is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Eddie can vaguely hear Bobby and Hen talking with Amber and Cam in the background, their voices low and reassuring as they explain what’s going on. Eddie forces himself not to look over, not to see Amber and Cam’s terrified faces as he and Chimney encourage their daughter to life.
“Come on, baby, breathe for me” he murmurs.
It’s crazy, really, that a creature as small as the baby in front of him can hold such power over his emotions. There’s a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead and he wipes it off with his elbow as he continues to support the baby’s head. The whole time he’s watching Chimney provide breaths, he can’t help but think back to Christopher’s birth and the sheer panic on everyone’s faces when the realised he was stuck. He’d been blue and limp when he’d been pulled out and Eddie had felt like throwing up as he watched the doctors resuscitate his newborn son.
The baby is less blue than she was when Eddie bought her over to Chimney, and then all of a sudden, there’s a high-pitched wail, muffled slightly by the mask and Eddie lets out a hissing breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.
It’s like the entire room takes a collective breath with the baby and the tension instantly dissolves. Hearing the baby breathe, watching her face screw up as she bellows, hits Eddie in the gut and he sits back on his heels, tears swimming in his eyes.
It’s like he’s reliving hearing Christopher’s first breath, the way his son’s tiny, fragile voice thrummed through his entire body and light a fire inside him that’s been burning away ever since.
He’s reliving hearing Aidan’s first, shuddering gasp after coming off the ventilator and the immediate relief that overwhelmed him, making him watch to clutch Buck and cry until he could no more but not being able to because he had to be strong for his friend who’s son had just defied all the odds.
He’s reliving getting the call from Bobby to say Buck had been extubated and had pulled through after the lightning strike, knowing that he doesn’t have to go home to Christopher that night and tell him that his Buck isn’t going to come home anymore. The baby’s tiny screams trigger an overwhelming cascade of memories, and he has to take a moment to compose himself.
The baby is screaming well now, her skin pinking up and her arms and legs flailing and kicking with a surprising strength. He knows they’re going to have to take her to hospital, she’s only 35 weeks and with that resuscitation, her lungs are on borrowed time really, but Chimney nudges him and says, “take her to her Mom, she can cuddle her while we get them ready to transport.”
Eddie nods, quickly swiping at his eyes before wrapping the baby up in a warm, dry towel and brings her over to Amber.
“Here you go Mom, your baby girl all happy and healthy.” His voice wavers a little but thankfully everyone is too caught up in the perfect little bundle in his arms to truly notice.
They give Amber a moment to cuddle the baby while they pack up all the gear and get the ambulance ready for transport. Hen is monitoring her bleeding closely and assures Eddie and Bobby that it’s looking like a normal amount for immediately post birth. Eddie can see the cord lengthening and he knows it’s probably not long before the placenta is delivered. He gets a large plastic bag ready in case it comes out in the ambulance.
Hen and Eddie help Amber up off the floor while Cam takes the baby, and guide her into the ambulance, clipping her in and making sure everything is safe.
“Now, I’m going to be driving but Eddie and Chimney will stay back here with you and the baby. Cam, are you coming with us?” Hen looks at the new father expectantly.
Cam looks torn, glancing between Amber and the new baby, and the door to the hallway, behind which his oldest two children are probably hiding, wondering what on earth is going on. Amber clocks this and places a hand on his arm, smiling up at him tiredly.
“It’s okay,” she reassures, “The girls needs you right now. Get them to my Mom’s place and then come meet us.”
Eddie can almost feel Cam’s reluctance as he tears himself away from his wife and baby, the look on his face remarkably similar to the one Eddie had when he left his newborn son in the arms of his wife to complete his service. He pats the guy on the arm reassuringly and they begin the process of clipping Amber into the gurney. They wheel her into the ambulance and Chimney completes what he likes to call the “pre-flight checks” as Eddie holds his arms out for the baby.
“Is it okay if I just do some checks on her?” he asks and Amber nods, handing him the baby. She looks exhausted (rightfully so, she’s just shoved out an entire human being), her head listing back against the pillow and eyes flickering shut.
“Ready to go!” Chim hollers out to Hen, knocking on the window between the cab and the back of the ambulance. Eddie settles the baby so she’s lying on his legs, head by his knees and her little legs brushing against his stomach. The pull away from the house and Eddie briefly notes that Bobby’s taking the fire truck back to the station.
Chimney assesses Amber, taking her vitals and doing a quick check on her bleeding, while Eddie begins his assessment of the baby.
It’s been a long time since he held a baby as small as this one and for a minute, Eddie’s frozen as if he’s finally realising just how tiny and fragile the baby is. He’s able to cradle her head and neck entirely in his hand, her shoulders resting against the base of his palm and on his thumb, fingers wrapping up to cradle her neck and head. She’s so tiny that her body is not much bigger than the length of his forearm and it’s with great care that he runs a finger over the fontanelles on her head, making sure they’re not too big or too depressed. Her hair is silky smooth beneath his fingers, a beautiful dark brown, similar in shade to his, and he briefly wonders if he had a daughter, would she have the same colour hair?
He strokes a finger across the baby’s cheek, and she instinctively opens her mouth, head turning in the direction of his finger. With a smile, Eddie checks around her ears and neck before moving on to her belly when he’s satisfied all is well. She’s got a few signs of increased work of breathing, which Eddie alerts Chim to.
The paramedic roots through the compartment with all the oxygen supplies and returns with a tiny little mask that he fits over the baby’s face before hooking it up to the high-flow O². Gradually, Eddie can see the little one’s breathing settle and he continues with his assessment.
She’s got all 10 fingers and toes and Eddie smiles softly as she grips his fingers as he lifts her up, testing her grip strength. Her spine looks good as he transfers her, so her face is cupped by his thumb and forefinger, her tiny body lying across his forearm. Satisfied that all his checks have come back clear, Eddie wraps the baby up in another towel, and hands her back to Amber.
“You’ve got a perfect little girl there,” he says, grinning widely.
“Thanks,” Amber laughs, fatigue clear in her voice, “I made her myself.”
Eddie sits back, content to watch as Amber slowly falls more and more in love with her newborn daughter.
“I had a baby today,” Eddie announces as he walks in the door, dropping his duffel before kicking off his shoes.
“That’s nice, dear,” Buck replies distractedly from the lounge, where Eddie finds him in the middle of guiding Aidan through an outfit change. The kid has clearly gotten into the flour in the pantry, yet again, and looks like a little ghost, his face and hair covered in fine, white powder.
“I said, I had a baby today,” Eddie repeats with amusement, watching as Buck pulls a clean shirt over Aidan’s head and scrubs his hand over the toddler’s face, ridding it of the worst of the flour. The second he’s free, Aidan’s off like a bat out of hell, racing towards his bedroom.
Buck’s looking at Eddie as if he’s grown a second head. “You had a what?”
“A baby,” Eddie says patiently. “You know, small human, pretty helpless, usually covered in goop. One of them?”
Buck blinks. “I didn’t know you were pregnant,” he finally responds.
Eddie sends him a flat look. “You know that’s not what I was meaning.”
Buck grins and levers himself off the ground, striding over to give Eddie a kiss. “I know,” he replies, “That’s amazing though! Were Chim and Hen not on hand?”
Eddie slides off the arm off the couch he’s been perched on and flops onto the soft cushions with a sigh. “They forced me to do it by myself.”
Buck circles the couch and flops down next to Eddie, grabbing his chin and tugging until Eddie shuffles upwards and deposits his head in Buck’s lap. “They forced you, huh?” Buck asks, an amused smile tugging at his lips.
“Yep, forced,” Eddie sighs dramatically. “I hated every second of it.”
Buck tips back his head as he laughs, and Eddie watches mesmerized as his Adam’s Apple bobs. “I’ll bet you did, cause you hate babies so much,” Buck teases.
Eddie nods. “Absolutely hate them. Gross. It was such a hardship.”
Buck snorts and threads a hand through Eddie’s hair, combing through the knots that have accumulated through the day. “Seriously though, how was it? Your first birth!”
Eddie, no longer able to contain his excitement, bounces up so he’s kneeling on the couch, whipping around to face. “It was incredible” he gushes, suddenly unable to stop himself. It’s like the floodgates have opened and the emotions that have been brewing in his mind through the rest of the shift and on the ride home are surging to the surface.
“Seriously, Buck, it was incredible! We got there and she was already so close to birthing that I poked the baby’s head when I examined her! And she did so well, baby came out super fast. And she didn’t even tear! It was amazing, I’ve never seen a baby come out of there before, ya know, cause when Chris was born, Shannon wanted me by her head to comfort her and whatever, but it was so insane watching a human being emerge from another human being.”
Eddie’s on such a roll that he doesn’t even notice the way Buck’s smiling indulgently at him, every word of Eddie’s filling him up with a little more warmth. It’s rare Eddie gets this passionate about something like this, his enthusiasm usually more subtle, more hidden, and just for him. Whenever Eddie lets Buck into his world like this, Buck can’t do much more than sit back and listen and fall in love with the man all over again.
“And then,” Eddie continues, his eyes wide with excitement, “the baby wasn’t breathing! Hen had to cut the cord and I bought her over to Chim and we resussed her and she started breathing again! And Buck, baby, the relief we all felt when she finally screamed, seriously, I thought I was going to cry. I swear I saw Chim tear up a little but then I had to get her to her Mom again so they could have some skin to skin. And then on the ride there I checked her over and she was so small! She could fit across my arm she was that tiny! She was only 35 weeks gestation though so it’s not surprising she was little, but I swear Christopher was double her size when he was born.”
Eddie flops back against the cushions, a little out of breath from how fast he’s been talking, and it’s only then that he clocks the expression on Buck’s face. “What?”
Buck ducks his head, laughing quietly. “Nothing. You’re just cute when you’re passionate.”
“I’m not cute,” Eddie pouts, cutely, “It’s just, Buck it was amazing.” He sighs deeply and Buck reaches a hand up to card through his hair.
“I’m really proud of you, Eds,” Buck mumbles as he presses a kiss to Eddie’s forehead. “You did good.”
Eddie relaxes into Buck’s touch, slowly slipping down the couch until he’s done a 180 and has his back pressed against Buck’s chest, sinking into his body as Buck wraps a muscled arm around his front. “Thanks baby,” he hums as he allows Buck to gently rock them back and forth as he places delicate kisses on Eddie’s neck and the back of his head. They’re silent for a bit, just enjoying a rare moment of peace without their two children clamouring for their attention. Buck skims his fingers up and down Eddie’s arms, tracing small patterns in the down of fine brown hairs, and Eddie picks absentminded at a thread on Buck’s sweatpants.
Finally, Buck breaks the silence. “Does it make you want another?” he asks, his voice almost hesitant as if he’s not sure he wants to know the answer, which honestly, he’s half hoping Eddie won’t answer. He feels Eddie stiffen imperceptibly in his arms and it’s a minute before Eddie answers.
“Nah,” he says, nonchalantly, but Buck can tell that it’s not entirely truthful. “Not yet.”
Eddie’s a liar and he knows it.
Telling Buck that delivering the baby hadn’t sparked some kind of fatherly instinct in him was a lie. And he continues to lie, to himself mostly, over the coming weeks as, somehow, the universe through sign after sign at him that maybe they should think about having a third child.
It starts with Eddie noticing how good of a father Buck is with Aidan and Christopher. Obviously, he knows his husband is a good dad. He just finds himself gazing wistfully at Buck as he watches him help Christopher with his homework or play video games, or as he reads Aidan a bedtime story before tucking him to sleep, making sure he does all the voices properly.
Christopher’s just started going through his angsty “I’m a teenager, don’t talk to me” phase, which has certainly thrown Eddie for a loop, but Buck takes it all in his stride and he quickly figures out that Christopher really wants a bit more independence, step one to which Buck decides is teaching him how to cook. Watching Buck waltz around the kitchen as he grabs Christopher the ingredients he needs, ready to stand by if Christopher needs any help, has Eddie’s heart swelling so much he feels like his chest is going to burst. He can just imagine Buck doing this with a tiny baby strapped to his chest, Christopher reaching over every so often to tickle his sibling, before turning back to the food.
And then, naturally, every call at work seems to have Buck holding babies or entertaining toddlers. Eddie watches as Buck entertains a little 18-month-old girl as Chimney and Hen perform CPR on her mother, a cardiac arrest secondary to anaphylaxis. Buck follows the little girl around as she toddles through the house, her tiny hand wrapped around his index finger as they walk. She’s babbling away and Buck answers as though he knows exactly what she’s talking about, eyes occasionally flickering over to Eddie and Eddie practically melts at the delighted grin on Buck’s face. Yep, that man was made to be a father.
Thankfully, with a lot of CPR and no small amount of adrenaline, they manage to get the little girl’s mother back and she’s whisked off to hospital, toddler seated firmly on Buck’s lap in the back of the ambulance.
Chimney must notice the way Eddie’s gazing wistfully at him because once they’ve dropped the little family off at the hospital (and the toddler is placed in the arms of her frantic father who met them in the Emergency Department), he sidles up beside Eddie and nudges him, indicating to Buck who’s waving goodbye to the little girl.
“Must be enough to make you want another, hmmm?”
“If Buck wants another, sure,” Eddie replies without thinking, and he freezes, turning to Chimney with pleading eyes. The guy is grinning, as though he’s just been told Christmas is coming early. “Please don’t tell anyone I said that!”
Chimney cackles and pushes himself off the ambulance he was leaning against.
“Chimney!” Eddie calls after him, “I swear to God!”
Chim taps the side of his nose as if to say, “your secret is safe with me” and sashays towards Hen with a delighted grin plastered over his face.
Yep. Eddie’s fucked.
It’s not until mid-April, a week or so after the toddler, that Eddie becomes painfully aware that Chimney is scheming.
Chimney corners him and Buck after their shift one day and asks them a favour.
“So,” he says, popping the gum he’s chewing on. “Maddie and I were thinking of going away for a night, maybe up the coast a little, just a romantic getaway, ya know?”
“Feeling the need for baby number three already?” Buck jokes and Eddie’s heart skips a beat.
Chimney must pick up on the way Eddie’s face pales, because he sends them a shit-eating grin, and replies. “I’m not wanting baby number three. But, I do very much want to take my lovely wife away for a night, which is where you two come in.”
Buck raises an eyebrow and leans against the wall, folding his arms. “Let me guess, you’ve got your eye on some free babysitters.”
Chimney snaps his fingers. “Got it in one. You know, all those mean things they say about you just aren’t true, Buck, you’re actually pretty clued up there.”
“For someone who wants me to babysit his kids, you’re being awfully rude,” Buck replies dryly, but Eddie knows that Buck will do anything to see his niece and nephew, he’s such a softie when it comes to them. He knew it when he first saw Buck and Jee together when Jee was only a few months old, the tiny baby tucked up in his big arms and Buck’s face shining with pure delight. He knew it when he watched Buck introduce Aidan and Jee for the first time, his niece watching the baby with interest before demanding to hold him, and throwing a fit when Buck tried to take Aidan from her when it was time for them to leave. He knew it when him and Buck went to the hospital to meet their nephew, Jack, for the first time and Buck cooed over the little speck of a baby in his arms.
Yeah, Buck loves his niece and nephew, alright. Which is why Buck eventually relents with an eyeroll and asks Chimney, “when were you thinking?”
Chimney lights up and pulls Buck into a tight hug. “Thanks man, you won’t regret it! I was thinking this Saturday? All our days off line up so you can’t use being at work as an excuse”
Buck glances at Eddie and Eddie nods, mentally crossing out all the plans he’d had for the weekend.
“Fine, but you owe us big time,” Buck responds.
“One would almost think you don’t want to spend time with a cute baby,” Chim quips.
Buck softens a little at this. “Okay, yeah, fine, I’m looking forward to seeing the baby. And Jee. They’d better not keep us up all night!”
“It’s fine, Jack’s been sleeping through the night for months!” Chimney calls as he makes his way back to his car, practically skipping with excitement.
Eddie chuckles as he watches Chimney leave, and wraps an arm around Buck, rubbing his shoulder. “It’ll be fun,” he reassures his pouting husband. “Been so long since we had a baby in the house.”
Buck hums in agreement, leaning into Eddie’s touch and resting a head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry if it’s ruined any plans for the weekend.”
“It’s okay,” Eddie kisses Buck’s curls. “As long as I’m with you.”
Maddie is practically glowing when she drops Jack and Jee at the Buckley-Diaz house on Saturday, just after 3pm.
“You look excited,” Buck comments as he takes Jack from her arms, tickling his nephew’s cheek.
“I am! We haven’t had a night to ourselves since Jack was conceived!”
Buck wrinkles his nose as he steps aside to allow Maddie and Jee in. “Gross, didn’t need to know that,” he replies.
“Hi Uncle Buck,” Jee says shyly, looking up at Buck through her eyelashes. She’s 4 now and a delight to be around. She’s exactly what Buck reckons Maddie would have been like at her age.
“How’s my favourite niece?” he asks as he crouches down to wrap her in a big bear hug, careful not to squish Jack between them. Jee giggles and squirms away from him.
“I’m your only niece, Uncle Buck,” she points out. Buck merely sticks his tongue out at her and shoos her down the corridor.
“Go bother your Tio, I’m gonna chat with your Mom quickly before she leaves.”
Maddie lets out an indignant squawk as Jee spins on her heel and shoots off down the corridor. “Hey, what about a hug!”
Jee returns, giggling, and flings herself into Maddie’s open arms. “Love you Mommy. See you tomorrow!”
“Be good for your uncles!” Maddie calls after her as she sprints down the hallway to the lounge where Eddie and Aidan are playing with some blocks. Buck smiles as he hears Eddie’s enthusiastic greeting followed quickly by Aidan’s excited babbling.
“Where’s Chris?” Maddie asks, peering through the door to see if she can spot the elusive teen.
Buck hefts Jack up his hip a little. “He scarpered the minute he heard we were having company. He’s at a friend’s for the night.”
Maddie snorts. “Fair enough, couldn’t cope with the idea of so many babies around him?”
“Jee’s hardly a baby, she’s four,” Buck counters. “And Aidan will throw a fit if he hears anyone call him a baby.”
“He’s in the “I’m a big boy” phase of life?” Maddie asks. “God, I remember when you were like that. It was both hilarious and very annoying.”
Maddie sticks around chatting for a little longer, until Buck points out that she’s stalling and Chimney is probably waiting impatiently in the car.
“He’s changed and fed so you should be okay until dinner time. If he cries, he likes being rocked and sung to, if you can handle that. And he doesn’t like it when-“
Buck cuts her off with a look. “Maddie, I’ve looked after him before. And I’ve raised a child of my own. Now, go, before Chim sends out a search party!”
“Okay okay okay. Bye bye baby, Momma loves you, don’t forget me while I’m gone!”
“Jesus Christ, Mads, you’re away for one night” Buck laughs, “See you tomorrow!”
He holds Jacks wrist and flops hit little hand around in a faux wave as Maddie makes her way down the driveway.
When Buck enters the lounge, he’s met with one of the cutest sights he’s seen in a while.
Eddie, clearly having given up on the blocks, has flicked on the TV and is sat on the couch with Aidan and Jee tucked in on either side of him. Aidan’s head is pillowed on Eddie’s thigh and Jee is absentmindedly fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt as she watches the animated dogs leaping around on the TV.
It almost seems a shame to interrupt them, but Buck’s arms are getting sore from holding Jack (he’s out of practice, it’s been a very long time since Aidan let him carry him around), so he taps Eddie on the shoulder, holding out the baby for him.
“Want another friend?”
Eddie looks at Aidan’s head in his lap and Jee cuddled into his chest. “Not sure there’s room for another friend,” he replies, sounding almost upset that he can’t fit a third human on his person.
“Sure there is,” Buck replies. “Aid, wanna come sit with Daddy?”
Aidan pushes himself off Eddie lap and blinks up at Buck tiredly, clearly only a few minutes away from falling asleep.
“Sit with Daddy?” he echoes tiredly, rubbing his eyes. His change in position gives Buck the opportunity he needs to drop Jack into Eddie’s lap, and he reaches over the back of the couch to lift Aidan up by the ankle and deposit him ungracefully in his arms.
Aidan whines very briefly at the change of position but settles happily enough into Buck’s lap when he plonks himself down in the armchair, tucking his feet between Buck’s legs and cuddling into his chest.
“So what’s the plan, team?” Buck asks, kicking his feet up onto the ottoman.
“Can we have pizza for dinner?” Jee asks, perking up immediately.
“Homemade or store bought?”
She ponders for a second, looking startling like Maddie as she does so, before answering “Homemade!”
Buck leans in as if he’s sharing a deep, dark secret. “You know if we do homemade, you’re gonna have to keep an eye on Tio Eddie? He’s banned from the kitchen!”
“Why’s he banned?” Jee giggles as Eddie lets out a garbled noise of indignation.
“Because he set waffles on fire. We almost had to call 911” Buck replies, winking at his niece. “So you’ll have to make sure he doesn’t do it again!”
Eddie sends him a flat look over Jacks head and Buck blows him a cheeky kiss.
Jee takes her duties of minding Eddie very seriously.
“No, Tio Eddie, you’ve gotta do it like this!” she scolds, swatting his hands as he rolls out the dough for the pizza base. She seizes the rolling pin off him and demonstrates what is apparently the correct base-rolling technique.
“You know, I didn’t know there was a wrong way to make pizza” Eddie huffs as he turns to Buck, who’s currently preoccupied with stopping Jack from stuffing handfuls of flour in his mouth. He’s just like his cousin, who’s currently entertaining himself with the tiny bit of dough Buck let him have, smooshing it around the countertop.
“Look, Papa!” Aidan exclaims, looking back at Eddie with a toothy grin. “Made pee-za!!”
“Woah, Aid, that’s so cool, you’re such a smart boy!”
Aidan puffs out his chest, looking very proud of himself, and continues to pummel the pieces of dough, watching Jee like a hawk and copying her every move. He’s a little sponge right now, taking in everything Eddie, Buck, Chris, and now apparently Jee, do and copying it with great enthusiasm. Eddie’s been finding it adorable to watch his son soak in the world around him and learn how to adapt himself to fit in. Especially when he watched Buck pull the finger at the coffee table after stubbing his toe, and Aidan dutifully repeated the motion. Eddie had laughed so hard he’d cried.
As Eddie helps Aidan roll out the base for his toddler-sized pizza, he can’t help but look over at Buck and reflect on how the man is currently the picture of domesticity. Jack is strapped to his chest in the old front-pack they used to use for Aidan, and he’s got both arms wrapped around Jee as he helps her roll out her base before grabbing the tomato sauce to spread over it.
Jee must say something funny cause Buck tips his head back and laughs uproariously, and Eddie can’t help but wish their life was like this all the time. If they were to have a baby within the year, it wouldn’t be unlikely that their life would look something like this. Aidan would be close to three when the baby would be born, which would put them at a similar age gap to Jee and Jack. Eddie can almost picture Buck with their child strapped to his chest as he helps Aidan cook dinner and something deep inside him clenches with pure, unadulterated want.
He’s shaken from his thoughts as Aidan lets out a small yelp.
“Uh oh!” he says, his voice small. “Papa, help!”
Eddie looks down and sees with dismay that Aidan’s managed to screw the top off the tomato sauce and has dumped the lot on top of his pizza base.
“Jesus Christ, I look away for two seconds!” Eddie moans, grabbing the bottle off Aidan and futilely trying to scoop the sauce back in. Buck turns around at the commotion and lets out a barking laugh.
“He’s inherited your culinary prowess, Eds” Buck teases. His eyes are sparkling with mirth, an expression copied almost identically by Jee as he watches Eddie’s hands become gradually more and more covered in sauce before he drops the bottle with a sigh.
“Sowwy, Papa” Aidan says, his lip wobbling, and Eddie dips his head to kiss his curls.
“It’s okay, mijo, it was an accident,” he reassures as he washes his hands, but Aidan, already overtired from missing his midday nap, quickly dissolves into tears, making grabby hands at Eddie until he picks him up.
Eddie does a valiant effort of making both his and Aidan’s pizzas one handed whilst under the watchful eyes of both Buck and Jee. When Jee’s finished making her pizza, Eddie places a much calmer Aidan on the floor and encourages the two of them to go play nicely in the lounge while the pizzas cook.
Buck uses that opportunity to feed Jack, strapping him into Aidan’s old high chair and encouraging him to eat some of the nasty pureed baby food Maddie left with them.
“You know, having a baby looks good on you,” Eddie says as he watches Buck make funny faces at Jack while nudging his mouth with the spoon. The baby watches Buck with bemusement, opting instead to thrust his hands in the bowl and shoves them in his mouth, clearly his preferred eating technique.
Buck raises an eyebrow at Eddie. “Everything looks good on me,” he replies modestly and Eddie scoffs.
“Even baby food?”
“I wouldn’t know, I don’t have baby food on me.”
“You sure about that, bud?”
Buck looks down and groans. Jack’s just flung a handful of mush at him, landing perfectly on his collar. Eddie watches with delight as he grabs a cloth and tries (and fails) to sponge it off.
“Watch him for me?” Buck asks, giving Eddie no time to reply before he’s thrusting the little plastic spoon into his hands and disappearing down the corridor to their room, clearly in search of a clean shirt.
Eddie’s left feeding the baby, much more successfully than Buck, he might add, and the time with the tiny boy gives him a minute to reflect. By the time Aidan was 8 months old, the four of them were all living together and Eddie would be lying if he said he didn’t miss those days, when Aidan was small and cute (and mostly immobile), and would give Eddie huge, toothy grins whenever he walked into the room. He was a cuddly baby back then, something Eddie realises he’s missed more than he knew when he had Jack and Jee cuddled against him when they were watching their show.
There’s something about having the small, warm body of a baby in his arms that feels so much like home. He missed those years with Christopher, and he soaked them up with Aidan, but it doesn’t feel like enough quite yet. He hasn’t realised until very recently how much he yearns for it again.
“Fuck” he thinks to himself as he cleans off Jack’s face, “I need to get a grip. Buck probably doesn’t want another kid.”
It’s amazing how wrong you can be.
Dinner with Jee and Aidan passes with reasonable ease. Sure, Eddie’s gotta act normal as he watches Buck sit with Jack on his knee, fending off the little boy’s curious hands every time he wants a bite of his pizza, but that’s fine. It’s all fine.
Jee talks non-stop about how she’s learning how to hold her pen at pre-school and how excited she is to go to kindergarten in the fall. She’s such an enthusiastic talker and uses her whole body to gesticulate, something Eddie secretly thinks is just like her uncle, and once or twice he has to shoot out an arm to steady her from falling off her chair. Buck watches all this with a soft smile on his face and Eddie swears he can see longing in his expression, which is a little weird, but he lets it go.
They sit down to watch a movie before bed and Aidan, much to Eddie’s surprise, points to the baby gently nodding off in Buck’s arms.
“Aidan hold baby, Daddy?” Aidan asks, looking up at Buck beseechingly as he makes grabby hands. He’s scooted all the way to the back of the couch, little legs sticking out in front of him, the way Eddie will usually set him up when they’re at Chim and Maddie’s house and he asks to hold Jack.
“He’s just a boring baby, Aidan, you should watch the movie with me! It’s princesses!” Jee tries to redirect Aidan’s attention to the TV screen, but he doesn’t relent, instead sending Buck the cutest pout in the world. Eddie chuckles: he knows how much Buck has it down bad for Aidan’s puppy eyes.
“Please, Daddy?”
“Okay buddy, remember you’ve gotta be super gentle with him” Buck coaches as he crouches next to the couch and lowers Jack into Aidan’s lap.
When Jack was first born, Eddie just about died when he saw Aidan holding him for the first time, his cousin’s little boy almost half the size of his. Buck had been supporting his head the whole time, Aidan mostly just wrapping his arms around Jack’s middle and clinging to him like a leech, but as they’d grown up, Aidan had gotten much better at holding the kid.
Now, however, Jack’s 8 months old and when he’s sitting in Aidan’s lap, he’s almost the same size as his cousin.
“Baby big,” Aidan notes as he tries to pat Jack’s soft, black hair.
“He is, soon he’ll be the same size as you, Aid” Buck says, his grin so big Eddie reckons they’d be able to see it from the International Space Station.
“Nuh uh, I big boy” Aidan replies stoically. “Jack little.”
Jack wriggles in Aidan’s lap and Eddie watches as Buck’s arm shoots out to stop the baby from slithering out of Aidan’s grasp and onto the floor.
It truly is the cutest thing he’s ever seen. Buck has planted himself between Aidan and Jee so he can keep a close eye on Jack, and Jee’s cuddled into his side, content to lean against his twisted back. Buck’s arm is slung over the back of the couch, just above Aidan’s head, and his other arm hovers protectively around Jack’s body, making sure he stays firmly in Aidan’s arms. Aidan looks up at Buck with his big blue eyes and grins.
“Like the baby, Daddy,” he announces, and Buck lights up.
“Do you really?” Buck sends Eddie a significant look. “Would you like your own baby?”
Eddie’s breath catches in his throat as he waits for Aidan’s response. They’ve never bought up the idea of having another kid before, not with each other and especially not with either of the kids, and Eddie’s anxious to see how Aidan will take it. Aidan looks down at Jack thoughtfully as he pats his head and thinks for a minute before replying.
“Aidan have baby?” he finally says and Jee giggles from behind her hand, peering around Buck to look at Aidan.
“You can’t have a baby, silly, you’re a kid. Your Daddy or Papa would have to have one.”
It’s Eddie’s turn to stifle a laugh from behind his hand. In all her childish innocence, Jee hasn’t seemed to pick up on the vitally important detail that him and Buck are both men and are physically incapable of having a child together.
Aidan, however, takes Jee’s word as gospel. “Daddy or Papa have baby?” he asks, looking between Buck and Eddie with surprise.
Jee nods solemnly.
“Which one of us should have a baby, Aid?” Buck asks, as he flicks a delighted grin Eddie’s way.
Aidan’s eyes flick between Eddie and Buck once again. “Daddy,” he finally declares. “Daddy have baby.”
Eddie barks out a laugh, rocking back in his chair. The idea of Buck being pregnant is ludicrous, and Eddie’s half glad that it’s not possible either. Shannon, granted, had had a particularly difficult pregnancy and Eddie’s not gonna lie and say he didn’t love coming home to her and placing kisses on her swollen belly and feeling Christopher kick back against his hands as Shannon beamed at him with pride, but the mood swings and cravings that came with it? Yeah, he’s glad they don’t have to go through that again.
“Well, sorry babe, looks like you’re gonna have to carry our child,” Eddie giggles. “Did I tell you Sophia was almost 11 pounds? Good thing you’ve got good childbearing hips.”
Aidan and Jee clearly don’t think Eddie’s as funny as Buck does, if their twin expressions of bemusement are anything to go by, but Buck continues to giggle about it intermittently, throughout the movie, while they give Aidan and Jack a bath, while he’s helping Jee into her pyjamas and reading her and Aidan a bedtime story.
They’ve got Jee in Christopher’s bed for the night, and they’ve pulled Aidan’s old travel cot into Aidan’s room, giving the boy strict instructions that he’s not to wake the baby under any circumstances. Eddie imagines they’re probably going to have to drag Jack into their room at some point during the night but for now Aidan’s delighted at the prospect of a sleepover with his little cousin. He demands Buck hold him over the crib so he can kiss Jack goodnight before he lets them tuck him into bed.
While Buck gets ready for bed, Eddie settles himself beneath the duvet and begins to think about the realities of having another baby. They’d have to clear out the office and turn it into a nursey, not that that’s terribly difficult because they’re usually too busy to go on the old computer in there anyway, but it would still be an ordeal. Plus, there’s their finances to think about. While Buck still has a hefty sum of money in his trust fund (the only thing they can thank the Buckley parents for), they’re not exactly swimming in spare cash and a new baby would eat into their funds. And while Aidan is clearly on board with a new baby right now, they haven’t asked Christopher about it and there’s a chance that Aidan would change his mind once he realises what having a new baby truly means.
However, a new baby would also mean another child to love, another child Eddie would be able to watch grow and flourish. He’d be able to watch Buck be a Dad all over again. There would be another tiny human to cuddle with at nighttime when he can’t sleep, another set of first words and first steps and first teeth. And he’d be able to do it all again, from start to finish, something he’s ached for ever since he left Christopher and Shannon to complete his tour.
Eddie's pulled from his thoughts as Buck quietly opens their bedroom door and sneaks into their room. He’s in nothing but a pair of ratty grey sweatpants and Eddie watches appreciatively as he crosses the room, his muscles in his arms flexing as he pulls back the covers and slides into bed.
Eddie hums happily as Buck circles his arms around his waist and pulls him against his chest, feathering tiny kisses against his neck.
“Hey” Buck says softly, his lips dragging against the shell of Eddie’s ear.
Eddie tips his head back, resting it on Buck’s collarbone. “Hey.”
“You okay?” Buck queries. “You’ve been quiet since dinner time.”
Eddie’s quiet for a second, debating whether or not now is the right time to bring it up. He’s not even sure Buck wants another baby, and the last thing he wants is to put unnecessary pressure on the guy. Still, how’s he going to know if he never asks?
He takes a deep breath and twists himself in Buck’s arms so they’re face to face, eyes locking with Buck’s baby blues.
“I think I want another baby.”
Judging by the way Buck’s smile slowly spreads across his face until he’s grinning from ear to ear, it was the right thing to say.