Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There is warmth all over him. The sensation almost makes Shouto feel like he’s in an oven, fiery flames slowly engulfing his whole body.

He doesn’t move, doesn’t want to lose this oh so familiar heat that usually comes with the touch of his lover.

Shouto feels it press along his back, then drawn down his arm until it’s tucked into his side. Then he feels it on his shoulder, up to his collarbones until a press of warm fingers caress his face. He feels it so vividly, but why can’t he see anything? Everything is so dark and murky, and he can’t lift his hand to rub at his eyes, clear his vision.

“So pretty, Shou.”

Katsuki’s voice is a mere whisper, falling against the shell of his ear. A tremor courses through his body at the deep cadence, the way his words drip in fondness.

“And you’re all mine, princess. Can’t let you go, don’t wanna let you go, fuck-“

He can hear the moment Katsuki’s voice breaks, but Shouto can’t say anything to comfort him. Rooted in place, Shouto basks in the fluttering of soft kisses pressed all over his face all while he’s being showered in whispered praises.

They feel so far away though. How can one feel so close, yet so far away?

“Love you so much, Shouto. I could never fall out of love with you, that’d be so fucking stupid of me. Wanna keep you to myself, but I can’t…”

No no, Shouto wants to tell him that’s not true. That Katsuki can keep him, own him, anything that’ll grant him the chance to spend the rest of his life by Katsuki’s side. But no words come out.

“I hate to see you sad, Shouto. I’m sorry I couldn’t make you the happiest you deserve.”

Katsuki’s face is blurry around the edges and his voice turns muffled, like there’s several walls between them. But Katsuki is right here, Shouto can feel him. He wishes he could touch him too, but he can’t lift his arm, can’t turn his face to kiss Katsuki on the lips-

His phone alarm beeps and wakes him up from slumber.

As if moving on autopilot, Shouto reaches out and shuts it off, before rolling around in bed- oh yes, he’s in a hotel. With Katsuki. But Katsuki isn’t in bed. Then how…?

Sitting up and dragging a hand down his face, Shouto scans his surroundings. There’s his and Katsuki’s bags containing their toiletries and a few change of clothes. The empty cake tray was set aside on the small coffee table in the room. He spots his discarded jeans draped over the back of a chair, Katsuki’s clothes from last night nowhere to be seen.

Then it must have been a dream. An eerily vivid one. Although it’s not the first dream to appear so real to him. Unfortunately, more often than not, the ones who seem more like reality than dream to Shouto are nightmares, the kind he wakes up from clutching at his chest or with his right hand pressing into his scar.

He’s dreamt of Katsuki plenty throughout the years he’s known him. From the very mundane ones where most of his classmates appear, something akin to a usual school day, to the ones bordering on out-of-body experiences for Shouto. The ones that have him waking up with his heart racing, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead and a very wet spot in his underwear.

This wouldn’t be the first time he dreams of Katsuki…being sweet to him. It’s one of his indulgences, the kind Katsuki used to comply to whenever Shouto would drape himself in his boyfriend’s lap and present his face for kisses.

It hasn’t even been a full week and Shouto’s already missing him.

He’s about to get out of bed when the bathroom door opens, revealing Katsuki who’s already switched his sleeping attire for day clothes.

“Finally decided to wake up, half and half?” He leaves the door open, a silent permission for Shouto to use the bathroom.

“Why didn’t you wake me up? What time is it?”

He had set an alarm, but maybe Katsuki wanted to get back on the road earlier.

“You looked like you needed the sleep, don’t think I didn’t see the circles under your eyes.” Katsuki bypasses him to put his toiletries in his bag and pack up whatever’s left. “And I woke up ‘cause the reception called our room for breakfast. Couldn’t fall back asleep after that.”

Shouto doesn’t even want to ask, but he still goes over it in his head, couldn’t fall back asleep or didn’t want to fall asleep next to me?

“Should we stay for breakfast? If not, we can pick up something to eat on the road.”

“We can stay and eat, yesterday’s food was pretty damn good. Well, not better than mine but still.”

Shouto nods, grabs his things and enters the bathroom. He notices the wet shower door – Katsuki must’ve took a brief shower, he does that a lot, says it makes him feel ready for the day. Making his way to the sink, Shouto’s heart almost stops when he sees his reflection.

There’s an array of blooming love bites trailing down the side of his neck down, down down, all the way to his chest when he pulls the shirt collar to take a look. He barely remembers Katsuki biting him so many times. He’d been so desperate to feel Katsuki’s mouth on him after so long that he didn’t think about the aftermath.

The very red and sensitive aftermath. He’s glad he packed a turtleneck with him, he really doesn’t’ want to show up with his neck looking like this and telling his family that he and Katsuki broke up. Because clearly, evidence does not support the claim.

He goes over his morning routine with stolen glances at the blood-red petals dancing across his skin, fighting the urge to trace each one of them. He’s certain they’ll stay there for at least a couple of days.

Dammit, how could he have been so stupid? This isn’t- they shouldn’t be doing this. It only messes with his head more, the memory of last night and the reality of their breakup. One of them almost doesn’t feel real to Shouto.

He shouldn’t have pleaded Katsuki to sleep with him, shouldn’t have kissed Katsuki like there was still something between them aside from friendship.

Katsuki should’ve pushed him away, should’ve put his foot down and told Shouto ‘no’, said he doesn’t want to sleep with Shouto because he doesn’t love him anymore-

But he didn’t.

He argued for a short while, but ultimately let Shouto have his way. Katsuki kissed him back. Katsuki told him how pretty he is, how Shouto is ‘his princess’ and continued to love Shouto the way he used to do it not too long ago.

Did Katsuki truly want to do this, or did he agree out of convenience. Maybe he did it to appease Shouto, to get him to shut up, any other reason really. But Katsuki isn’t like that. If he doesn’t want to do something he says so. He wouldn’t have gone through with it if he truly didn’t want it.

Then, what does that mean? That Katsuki is still attracted to him enough to have sex with Shouto, but doesn’t love him enough to still be in a relationship with him?

“I love you enough to know when it’s time to let you go. This isn’t making either of us happy.”

Katsuki is right. What they had before, what their relationship turned into for the past few months, wasn’t making either of them happy.

And while it hurts, so freaking much, to let go, Shouto doesn’t know how he could have made things better. How he could have fixed it for them, how they could’ve come back together just the way they were once.

He doesn’t meet Katsuki’s eyes when he walks out of the bathroom, keep his gaze glued to the window while he dresses. Tries to find entertainment in the way water droplets glide down on the glass. It’s hard to not look his way, hard to keep his eyes from straying back to the man he still holds so dearly in his heart.

Katsuki was born to be looked at, to be admired.

“So, you’re breaking up with me?”

Shouto grew to believe he is the only one who can admire Katsuki with unrelenting love in his eyes and with their hearts close together.

“I guess I am.”

In the span of a few words, that was quickly taken away from him.

It’ll be good for them, Shouto chants to himself as they walk out of the hotel room and down the hallway to get to the restaurant area for breakfast. They’ll be away from each other, away from the stress that came with two busy pro-heroes living together and the frustration of an unfulfilled romantic relationship.

And later, when they feel ready, they’ll come back to each other.

As friends.

Shouto isn’t too sure about them getting back together.

Katsuki said they should spend some time apart and he had agreed to it.

Shouto asked him if this means they’re breaking up and Katsuki, much to Shouto’s chagrin, had agreed to it.

So, there is no guarantee that they’ll ever come back to each other as boyfriend, or anything more.

Who knows how things will go? They could very well find themselves in the same situation as this one, swamped with extra shifts and charged with tension from hero work.

Who knows if they were ever meant to make it this far?

Maybe this is how things were supposed to go. For them to part ways now and find a different path to go down in life.

Because he’s a stubborn idiot, Shouto doesn’t want to take the road that doesn’t promise him Katsuki will be there.

They make light conversation over breakfast and it doesn’t feel as strained as Shouto anticipated it to be. Maybe because they’ve known each other for as long as they do, or because even after breaking his heart, Shouto can’t bring himself to hold a grudge. It’s not like he’s not upset about it, but it’d be fruitless to try and take it out on Katsuki.

After all, they’re both on equal ground. They’ve always been.

“Heard Ei and Mina are getting transferred back to Musutafu.” Katsuki brings up halfway through, looks up at Shouto through his bangs. “So at least you’ll back some familiar faces around.”

“I haven’t seen them in a while, it will be nice to catch up.”

Shouto doesn’t really know if it will, if he’s being honest. Sure, they’re his friends too, but they’re Katsuki’s friends first. And he really doesn’t want their pity advice once they find out he and Katsuki broke up. Eventually, they’ll all find out, their friends that is. Shouto just doesn’t feel ready to face them right now. Isn’t ready to show up with his heart tattered into pieces and pretend he doesn’t want to belong to Katsuki still.

“Don’t let those two idiots wrangle you into their bullshit, don’t wanna see the agency building turn into rubble on the news.”

Shouto smiles behind his cup of tea, then shoots Katsuki an amused look, “I thought exploding buildings was your specialty.”

“Not after getting suspended from work for a month it’s not.”

Shouto finds himself laughing easily at their small banter, bringing him back to the numerous breakfasts they used to have together before classes or work. While he misses the feeling of Katsuki’s leg bumping into his own, or the touch of his hand as their fingers interlace over the table, he thinks he’ll be able to get accustomed to this.

It won’t be hard being Katsuki’s friend, he’s been that for more than half a decade now.

It’ll be hard not wanting to be his boyfriend anymore.

Their bickering is cut short by Katsuki’s phone who keeps beeping with incoming messages, followed by the buzz of a call. After watching him decline the call three times in a row, Shouto attempts to lean forward and read the caller ID name.

“You can answer the phone, you know. Mitsuki might be worried if you keep ignoring her calls.”

“Damn hag has been blowing up my phone all morning. I already told her that I’ll get there sometime later today, but she’s just as insistent as ever.”

There are times when Shouto wishes he had a mother as insistent as Mitsuki-san is. He’s happy his mother trusts him enough to not call every time she sees him on the news fighting a villain. But, he kind of wants to know how it is to have a mom like that.

Sure, Shouto’s relationship with his mom improved over the years, even more so after she was discharged and moved into the house Enji left them short after the war came to an end. But healing takes time, along with multiple reminders that Shouto wants her in his life.

Katsuki doesn’t get up to answer the phone, which surprises Shouto for a moment, since the day before, he got up and walked into the lobby to talk to Midoriya.

“What the hell do you want?”

“Don’t talk to me like that, Katsuki! And learn to answer your phone, brat, why the hell do you even keep one if you can’t answer when I call you?!”

He can hear Mitsuki-san’s voice on the other end of the line, but he pretends not to, busying himself with finishing his breakfast. The volume is pretty high, since Katsuki had to keep it that way after his hearing started deteriorating over the years. It never really bothered Shouto, he’s learned to love the noise that comes with Katsuki.

His life used to be so quiet before. If he counts out his father’s yelling, his choked sobs in the dead of the night and the pained cries as he’d wretch on the training room floor.

“Whatever, I told you I had to make a stop, some dumbass villain blocked the roads.”

“I know that, Katsuki, my memory’s not letting up yet, I still remember how much of a little shit you are.”

He sees Katsuki roll his eyes, but he’s not actually mad at his mom. Shouto remembers him talking about how much he and Mitsuki-san used to yell at each other, how they’d get into screaming fights until his throat would turn raw with exertion.

Now, after almost leaving this earth before his parents, Katsuki mellowed out a little. That’s not to say he doesn’t raise his tone or doesn’t annoy his mother for the hell of it, but he’s stopped pretending to hate when they’d check up on him. Stopped trying to kick them out whenever they’d come over uninvited to their place with food and gifts.

Started calling them more often, would take Shouto to their house for birthdays and holidays, made Shouto feel like they’re his family too.

He’s going to miss them too, Mitsuki and Masaru, even if more than likely, they’ll still see each other.

“You better bring Shouto over, brat, I know he’s there with you.”

Shouto tries to not make it too apparent that he can hear everything when his eyes fly up towards Katsuki at the mention of his name. He’s not sure how successful he is in doing so.

“Shut up about it, I thought I told you already.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up about it, give the phone to Shouto. I wanna talk to him if you won’t.”

Shouto’s fingers clench around the metal chopsticks, teeth biting on the inside of his cheek. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt this nervous at the prospect of talking to Katsuki’s mother.

“Drop it, hag, okay?” Katsuki downright near seethes, lowering his tone and bringing one hand to cover the phone. Shouto can still hear, but he continues to pretend he can’t. “He’s not coming, I told you already, for fuck’s sake!”

There’s silence on the other end for a few beats and Shouto almost thinks Mitsuki-san hung up on him.

“Why? Is Shouto okay? Did something happen, Katsuki?”

Katsuki sighs loudly, his fist opening to let a crumpled napkin fall out.

“We’ll talk when I get there. I’ll see you and dad at home.”

“Don’t you dare hang up on me, brat-“

The line goes silent after Katsuki presses “End Call”. It takes a couple of minutes for him to lift his eyes from where they were glued to the patch of carpet under the table. He pushes his plate away from him.

“Is everything okay?” Shouto asks, a little desperate to make Katsuki feel better about the whole situation.

“Hag keeps asking me if you wanna come over, she still doesn’t know how to take ‘no’ as an answer.”

He leaves it out in the open, as if he’s propositioning Shouto to take him over to his parents’ house. Like he used to do.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can do it today. Maybe another time, I do miss Mitsuki and Masaru.”

“Yeah, I get it. I can already imagine what a shitshow it’ll be if I bring you over and we tell them we broke up.”

Shouto smiles bitterly, trying not to imagine how that would go. He hopes Mitsuki won’t call him personally, or worse, Masaru, because he doesn’t know if he has it in him to not answer their calls. 

_____________

“Here, pick whatever you want, I’m sick of listening to news.”

They’re in the car now, having finished breakfast and checked out of their room just minutes ago. They still have quite a way to go, and with Christmas being right around the corner, even at this early hour, the traffic doesn’t let up one bit.

He takes Katsuki’s phone from his hand when he hands it to him and scrolls through his music app. Right at the top he sees two playlists, “Mix for half and half” and “Shouto’s playlist”. Shouto briefly checks that they are in order of “Most played”.

“You still have the playlist you made for me in high school? I thought you got a new phone since then.” Shouto even went with him to get a new phone after breaking his old phone during a rescue mission.

He sees Katsuki shrug. “I transferred these from my old phone, only the screen was broken. And the songs are still good, play that if you want.”

Shouto presses play and settles back in his seat. He hasn’t listened to this in quite some time, hasn’t had the time to listen to music and just relax, but it takes him back to the nights when he and Katsuki used to hang out on one of their balconies, under the summer stars and hot breeze, sharing a pair of earbuds and a litany of sticky wet kisses.

It was early into their relationship, when everything was still new to Shouto, when he wasn’t as secure in what they had as he had become several years down the line (can’t say the same now though, but that’s beside the point), when Katsuki showed up to his room with a brand new MP3 player (he still doesn’t know where he bought that) and told Shouto to “listen to this, halfie”.

He’d sat in front of Shouto, on the tatami floor set out in his dorm room until he went through all the songs in the playlist and fidgeted with the MP3 player with both hands. (In his quest to admire every corner of his little gift, Shouto even discovered the cat sticker Katsuki had stuck on the back)

“Is this for me?”

“Course it’s for you, dumbass. Who else would this be for?”

Shouto couldn’t imagine for whom else would Katsuki put together a list of songs, the ones they used to listen to on the bus whenever Aizawa-sensei would take them on another training trip or put on during studying, and a few other add-ins, these ones being slower songs, love songs, from what Shouto deduced as he was listening and taking in the lyrics.

“Can we listen to it together?”

“What? You just listened to all the songs by yourself, why drag me into this-“

“I want to cuddle, Katsuki. And listen to the playlist you made for me.”

Back then, the use of his first name had been rare, spoken through bitten lips and whispered at night when Shouto was more asleep than awake. And it worked like magic on his at-the-time boyfriend.

The songs are shuffled, but even so, Shouto doesn’t expect to be hit with the immense wave of nostalgia – and longing – when he hears the song they used to dance together in their kitchen, as recent as the end of this year’s summer. He lets his fingers ‘dance’ along his thigh, tap along with the beat and pretends he can’t hear Katsuki humming.

He always hummed, against the shell of Shouto’s ear while holding him close, tuck his head into the crook of his neck and sway them from left to right in their kitchen.

While he mastered the drums and a few other musical instruments, Katsuki had always been shy about singing with his voice. Shouto told him once that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed about it, because he too sings in the shower sometimes, or when he’s walking back from patrol instead of taking the metro back home.

His boyfriend wouldn’t budge and instead resort to humming.

Shouto remembers feeling the rumble in his chest with how close they used to stand while dancing, like the purring of a cat.

“I still have the MP3 player you got me. I remember packing it with me.”

“Yeah? You kept that crap even though you can listen to this playlist on your phone?”

“I got it from you as a gift, why would I throw it away? And it’s sturdier than my phone, surprisingly.”

“That’s cause it’s ancient as fuck. Is the cat sticker still holding up? Had to fucking embarrass myself and ask the girls for one, cause I knew how much you like them.”

“Mm, it sustained a bit of damage, but it’s still there. I added another one to keep it company.”

Katsuki snorts, grin etching wider on his face. “Only you would say shit like that, half and half. Stickers keeping each other company, god fuck...” He says, but he’s still chuckling and stealing glances at Shouto, his expression a mixture of amused and incredulous.

Too bad he doesn’t have it on hand right now, or else he would have showed Katsuki the two cat stickers together. When he received it from him, the MP3 player had a sticker of a white cat at the back, curled up in its fluffy fur, sleeping. A patch of reddish-orange fur covering half of its face.

Eventually, when Shouto got his hands on a pack of cat stickers, he added another cat on there, this one smaller with golden fur and a mean expression and stuck it close to the white cat. He’s not sure Katsuki won’t punch him if he tells him that small feral cat reminded Shouto of him, thus finding home on the back of the device.

“Thank you for giving me so many gifts over the years.”

“I told you already, you don’t have to thank me for them.”

“I know, but I want to. It felt nice, I didn’t get many presents growing up, and yours were always things you knew I would like and use. You’re good at giving gifts.”

“Yeah well, I’m the best at everything I do, halfie. And you’ve been running your mouth about all the shit you liked whenever we’d hang out. Pretty hard to miss when I already knew so much about your candy cane ass.”

If Shouto were to ask anyone else apart from his family and Katsuki to describe him, they’d all start with saying he’s ‘quiet’. Katsuki had been the first one to call him ‘annoying’ and ‘chatterbox’ and other expletives that Shouto won’t go into detail about right now.

But the point was that Shouto never felt the need to keep himself quiet around Katsuki. Never felt like he needs to keep himself in check, or hold back, never. Katsuki would tell him to shut his mouth or call him out on his ‘yapping’, but he never truly silenced Shouto. Would always come around to his desk and ask Shouto his opinion on something they learned that day in class, or ask for his insight on a new fighting move.

He’d even ask about mundane things such as his favorite ice cream flavor (followed by a date at the ice cream parlor the very same day), and his favorite movie (unfortunately, he didn’t know which one was his favorite, as he’s never really watched movies growing up) which resulted in a movie marathon, just the two of them tucked under Katsuki’s blanket in his bed.

If Katsuki were to ask about his favorites right now, Shouto would respond with his name.

Shouto would reply with ‘you, it’ll always be you, Katsuki’.

_________________

Stuck at a red light, Shouto’s phone rings.

“Your sister?” Katsuki asks, stealing a glance at his phone. Instead of Fuyumi’s name, on the screen is a different one.

“No, it’s Izuku.”

Shouto looks back at him, wordlessly asking Katsuki if he should answer or not. No doubt Izuku is calling him to ask about the agency transfer, or to ask if he and Katsuki want to hang out. He feels a little like he’s been a bad friend, keeping this away from his closest friend and moving to a different city without telling him. But Midoriya moves all the time, switches countries on a whim because of emergency missions.

He hopes his friend won’t be too upset about this.

Katsuki shrugs, giving him the ‘go ahead’, but there’s an apprehensive look in his face.

“Hello, Izuku.”

“Shouto-kun! I haven’t seen you around at the agency. Did you take vacation days?”

“Uh, no.” Shouto’s eyes darts everywhere out the window, fleeting from every house they pass to trees and pedestrians. Three of his fingers grasp on the seam of his jeans, rubbing the rough fabric in an attempt to distract himself. “I’m moving back to Musutafu.”

“What?! Why? Did something happen at the agency there? I heard Eijirou and Mina-chan are coming back to the Musutafu headquarters, but I didn’t know they called you in as well.”

Shouto bites his lip, feeling like helium is getting pumped into his lungs. Why is it so hard? He thinks it’d be a little less difficult if he wasn’t currently in the car with his ex-boyfriend who’s also Izuku’s childhood friend, but he can’t really be picky in this situation.

“No, Izuku, I’m moving out of Tokyo…for a little while at least.” He chances a glance at Katsuki, but the man keeps his eyes trained ahead on the road.

Short silence follows, no doubt Midoriya’s making that face with his eyebrows scrunched, the same one he used to have on during their exams in UA.

“But why? Are you moving out with Kacchan? I didn’t know you had plans to move back home, is everything okay with your family, Shouto-kun?”

“That’s not it-“

“If you wanted help with the move I would’ve been excited to come over, I know you guys have a lot of stuff to pack up-“

“Izuku, Katsuki and I broke up!”

He doesn’t know why he raised his voice, why he feels like the whole car rattled along with his voice. Katsuki doesn’t accidentally hit the breaks, doesn’t swerve the car, doesn’t react in any way that would give away his shock. He thinks he can hear the taught stretch of leather over the wheel.

“What?” It sounds so weak, sounds like Izuku doesn’t believe him. He sounds out of breath over the phone, and Shouto thinks he hears himself in his friend now. “What happened? How- how did this happened? You and Kacchan care so much for each other, he told me he loves you so much, Shouto, how-“

He tries very hard to not think about that too much. Doesn’t want to think about what things Katsuki told Izuku about him, doesn’t want to find out now, when those things might not mean anything anymore.

“Can we talk about this later, Izuku?”

“But-“

“I’m in the car with Katsuki. He’s driving me back to Musutafu. I’ll call you when I get there, okay?”

Izuku goes quiet again. Shouto grits his teeth, he’s not about to pour out all of his frustration, all of his doubts, all the regret he has over their breakup to him right now, with Katsuki in the car. Yeah, they’re close all three of them, but he wouldn’t want to do that to Katsuki, it’s not fair to him.

“I’m sorry I just, I was shocked. I didn’t expect to hear that from you, Shouto-kun, honestly.”

“Go take a fucking nap, nerd!” Katsuki leans over on his side and yells out into the phone. “Idiot had the night shift and spends his morning making calls.”

“Oh, did Kacchan hear me? I think I’ll just hang up now.”

“I’ll call you later, Izuku.”

“Yeah, have a safe trip, Shouto-kun! Talk to you later!”

He’s slow to end the call and lower the phone from his ear. Did Katsuki hear him over the phone or did he sense Shouto’s discomfort and decided to shake Izuku off his back? What’s more is that last night, Katsuki talked to him on the phone and didn’t tell him about their breakup. Which, doesn’t make it his job to inform Midoriya, but still.

He hopes Katsuki won’t bottle up his feelings and find someone to talk to, if there’s anything he wants to talk about regarding their relationship. If this weren’t about their breakup, Shouto would have offered to listen to him, maybe his shoulder too, since Katsuki always liked to lean his head on it, only to later find the fluffy mop of ash-blond hair in his lap.

“I think he’s going to call you about this too.”

“Yeah, I know. Nosy fucker doesn’t know how to mind his own business.”

“He’s our friend.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes, “Yeah yeah, can’t deny the fact that he gets way too fucking invested in his friends’ relationships. Remember when he made a whole spreadsheet to help spark plug ask that girl out?”

“He was just trying to help, Katsuki.”

“Help my ass, I bet he reads those fucking cringy ass stories with All Might on weird websites.”

“I thought you read those too. I think I saw them opened up on your computer once.”

“What the fuck?! No I don’t!” Katsuki’s head whips towards him, heatless glare in his crimson gaze. It pulls a chuckle out of Shouto.

“I know, I was just joking. But seriously, Izuku cares about us, and he’s always been there when I wanted to talk to someone about my feelings.”

Izuku had been the first friendly figure in his life after years of isolation and pushing away anyone who tried to make acquaintance with him. He’d been there to help Shouto figure out himself and his emotions, as he’s been the one Shouto was closest to after the Sports Festival.

Then his friend group expanded and he grew comfortable around more people.

Including Katsuki.

Who, while not great at verbal consolation or comforting others – Shouto wasn’t an expert himself either – he surprisingly understood Shouto the best. Not to say that his friends’ advice isn’t appreciated, but sometimes Shouto would seek a different kind of response, or none at all. And Katsuki knew when to resort to just listening instead of threatening to blow up Endeavor’s head every time he shared something about his childhood.

And in return, Shouto was there for him when he’d walk downstairs into the dorms kitchen in the middle of the night, shook up after another nightmare. They’d sit on the couch with hot mugs of tea and just exist together. This carried on into their adult lives after their hero debut, when Shouto felt like he needed it the most.

Katsuki had been with him through it all.

Katsuki was there when the danger of war finally fell like a cloak over the city, he was there when Shouto confronted his father, he was there when they won the war and came out of it more beat up than human.

Katsuki was there when they moved out of the dorms and into separate apartments, was there when Shouto felt lonely and would come over with his favorite takeout and snacks. Katsuki was there in the morning after they’d spend the night together and woke him up with breakfast in bed, was there when they finally moved in together.

Katsuki was there at his bedside when Shouto woke up in the hospital after a reckless decision, there to hold his hand and half-heartedly scold him about jumping into the thick of it without thinking twice about it (he wasn’t any different). Was there at odd hours of the night when Shouto woke up from nightmares, shivering with frost crawling up his right side and just hold him until he felt whole again.

How is Shouto supposed to continue living without the only constant in his life?

“You okay, halfie? You got quite for a second there.” Katsuki reaches over and squeezes his hand once, twice, three times before he lets go. It’s a hard to break habit apparently, because that used to be the way Katsuki would tell him “I love you” without actual words.

Shouto wishes he could reach out and squeeze his hand in return.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got lost in thought.”

“You know ya’ don’t have to tell the nerd everything, right? He’s a little shit, but he won’t get upset if you want to keep some things to yourself. I know you tend to overshare, but don’t let him pressure you into sharing things you’re not comfortable with yet, alright?”

Sometimes it still shocks Shouto how gentle Katsuki can be with him. And only him.

Selfishly, Shouto wishes no one else gets to be on the receiving end of this Katsuki special-treatment.

“You’re the one who told me to talk about how I feel.”

“And I’ll be the same one to tell you that you don’t have to spill your guts just ‘cause someone’s asking you to. Izuku doesn’t have bad intentions, but he can be overbearing as fuck sometimes.”

In a moment of bravery, Shouto extends one arm and reaches to squeeze Katsuki’s hand over where he’s holding the steering wheel, the briefest of touches, yet it still sends shivers down his spine.

“Thank you.”

“S’not a big deal, Shou.”

Shou

He hopes he’ll always be “Shou” to Katsuki.

_______________

He should have anticipated this, but it didn’t take them too long to get to Musutafu. Sure, they probably spent close to an extra hour due to holiday traffic and the short stop they made at a gas station for coffee – which was packed with tourists, but they figured they’d wait instead of going to a different station and be met with the same thing – but it wasn’t near long enough for Shouto to prepare himself to say goodbye just yet.

A sense of dread forms in the pit of his stomach once he starts recognizing the streets and the houses.

They’ll probably be at his mother’s place in less than 10 minutes. Shouto doesn’t want to get off, but at the same time he feels like he’ll explode if he spends more time with Katsuki alone in the car.

He shoots Fuyumi a text, letting her know he’s almost there, then pockets his phone and wrings his fingers together. It’s a nerve wracking feeling, knowing that he’s about to step out of this car and not know when he’ll see Katsuki next time, not knowing if they’ll end up like one of those couples who says they’ll keep in touch then never talk again.

He doesn’t want that to happen to them. Doesn’t want to let childish pettiness and frustration take over and act like they’ve never meant anything to each other.

“I still want us to be friends, Katsuki.”

“Who said we weren’t?”

You did, many times in the past.

But he did come around eventually. Claimed that Shouto was his closest friend while also his boyfriend. Shouto still remembers how happy he’d been that day.

“I just don’t want us to say that we’ll keep in touch then avoid each other. Remember when Izuku broke it off with Shinsou and only started talking this year? I don’t want that to happen to us just because we broke up.”

“That’s cause they’re idiots. You know we’re better than that, Shou. I’m not gonna start avoiding you just cause we’re not together anymore, that’s fucking stupid. And it’s not like it would be easy to get rid of you, anyway. Even when I used to act like an asshole in high school, you’d insist and force your way into my life claiming we’re friends.”

“You just didn’t want to admit it, we were friends. We used to hang out a lot after remedial classes.”

“Yeah, we were. And it’d be dumb to give up on that.”

Shouto was always aware that Katsuki truly cared about and appreciated the friends he’d throughout his life, in his own quiet, acts of service, actions over words, way. He doesn’t even know why he ever thought things would change into worse, Katsuki isn’t one to cut people out of his life over things like this.

Just because they don’t work as boyfriends anymore, they can continue being friends.

In the back of his mind, Shouto knows that will never be enough for him, not after he found out how much better it feels to be Katsuki’s boyfriend.

When Katsuki pulls up at the front gate of his mom’s house, Shouto feels glued to his car seat. He can’t bring himself to get up. When he hears Katsuki’s seatbelt coming undone, he remembers how he can win some time.

“Wait, Katsuki,” That stops him in his tracks, one arm halted midair, “I got something for you from the Christmas market.”

Katsuki’s shoulders slump and he leans back in his seat.

“That’s why you wanted me to drive you back to the market?”

“It was for this and for the food.” Shouto throws over his shoulder when he twists his body around to rummage through his gift bag in the back seat.

He pulls out the tissue paper wrapped snow globe, hesitating only for a beat before handing it to Katsuki. It might not be the best gift he got for Katsuki, but this was the only thing he was able to get without the other knowing. And since they’re probably not going to spend Christmas together this year, he still wanted to give Katsuki a gift.

With surprisingly gentle hands, Katsuki tears at the tissue paper revealing the snow globe. It was a good thing Shouto went back and found that stall, because the vendor offered him the option to customize the snow globe and pick whatever he wanted to have inside.

“Is that, me? And you?” Katsuki asks, squinting at the small Dynamight figurine surrounded by snowy plains. Next to him is a similar Shouto figurine, both in their hero suits, with artificial snowflakes swirling all around them.

“The lady who sold these to me made pro-hero themed snow globes and asked me if I wanted to customize my own. It’s to remind you of the Christmas market.”

To remind you of our last time together.

I hope it’ll be just as hard for you to forget how I taste, how my hands fits in yours.

I hope it’ll be just as hard for you to forget how my body feels against yours.

I hope you never forget how much I love you.

An impressed smile etches out across Katsuki’s mouth and he looks up at Shouto when he speaks, “This is really cool. Thanks, Shouto.”

“You can put it up on display on the shelf in the living room. There’s room now, since I got it cleared out.”

Katsuki takes another look at the snow globe before wrapping it back in the paper, so it won’t break on the way back.

“I got you something too.” This time, Katsuki doesn’t meet his eyes, but he too leans into the backseat to grab his own gift paper bag.

Shouto’s eyes widen bewilderment. He didn’t think Katsuki would get him anything this time given the current circumstances, but it only goes to show how much he does for those close to him. It gives Shouto hope that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t discarded aside because Katsuki fell out of love with him.

“S’not much, but I saw it and thought you’d like it.”

He’s presented with a medium sized box, all cardboard with nothing on the outside to give him a clue of what’s inside. With careful hands Shouto takes it and opens his gift, revealing a wooden carved and painted sculpture of two cats. When he looks closer he spots a smaller cat in between the two bigger ones, akin to a ball of fluff.

“Guess there were a lot of those custom stalls at the market, the guy who made these painted them on the spot.”

One of the cats was painted a milky sunrise yellow, very similar to Katsuki’s blond hair, and the other was white with calico-like spots all over its body, only just in red, with one patch over its left eye. The two cats were leaned against one another, with the smaller cat at their feet, this one painted golden yellow with red streaks.

“This is really beautiful Katsuki, I love it.”

“Knew you would, told you you’re easy to give gifts to.”

“That’s just because you know me so well.”

He traces one finger over the small cat, not really knowing who that’s supposed to be, when Katsuki catches his movement out of the corner of his eyes.

“That one’s there cause we never got around to adopting a cat.”

Shouto’s eyes fly up to him. “I didn’t forget that you wanted to get a cat and it sucks that we never had enough free time to adopt one and be at home with her and shit.” He shrugs, pretending to be nonchalant about it, but the amount of details on the carving tells Shouto exactly what he wants to know. “Thought you’d want something like this, you know, until you get an actual cat.”

Unable to help himself, Shouto reaches out to squeeze his hand once more, since he can’t hug Katsuki while they’re still in the car, and he also doesn’t know if that’s crossing a boundary or not.

“I’ll treasure this, thank you.”

“Jeez, no need to get all sappy on me, halfie.”

Shouto shakes his head, “I just really like it a lot. I’ve never seen anything like this before.”

“You better put it out at your front door so everyone can see it.”

“I will.”

They spend a few more minutes in silence, still inside the car, until Fuyumi sends him a text asking if he’s arrived.

“I think I should get going, before Fuyumi and Natsuo see the car and come out themselves.”

“Hold on, I’ll help you with your bags.”

Together, they empty the luggage from the car trunk and carry them to the front doorstep of Rei’s house. Luckily for them, no one hears the commotion and comes outside. Shouto’s hands turn clammy and his heart starts thundering again. He doesn’t want Katsuki to go. Even if they’re going to see each other again, they promised they will, Shouto still finds it hard to part ways now.

“I think this is the last bag.” Katsuki says as he hands Shouto his handbag, the same one he took with himself to the hotel last night.

Instead of taking it back with the other bags, Shouto holds it to his side and waits for Katsuki to close the trunk. He can feel his eyes stinging and his heart is aching, so he blinks repeatedly in hopes of hiding that he’s on the verge of tears. Seriously, when did he become so prone to crying?

“What?” Katsuki asks when he turns around and sees Shouto standing behind him.

“Thank you for driving me here.” Katsuki sighs again and shoots him a smile.

“I was gonna visit my parents anyway, no sense in you taking the train.”

“I know, but you still did it.”

“You would’ve complained about the weird extras on the train.”

“I wouldn’t have.”

“Yes you would have.”

A chuckle startles out of Shouto, but with the onslaught of emotions, it turns into a choked sob. Katsuki’s body reacts at the sound and steps closer to him.

“What’s wrong, Shouto?”

He sniffles, really trying so desperately to not cry in front of Katsuki again, he’s cried enough this week, but there’s still blurry wetness around the edges of his eyes.

“I’ll miss you, Katsuki.”

Shouto smiles at him, feels his cheeks pull with the stretch of his grin, feels the tears sliding down to his chin.

Feels fingers come up to wipe them away.

“You idiot,” Katsuki starts and it sounds so fond, “I’m not going anywhere.” He’s already so close, too close, but then Shouto feels him even closer when Katsuki pulls him to his chest in an embrace.

Oh, it’s so warm. It feels like Katsuki’s love, it feels so familiar to Shouto.

He lets his eyes fall shut and rests his head on a broad shoulder. A warm hand rubs over the small of his back whilst the other is looped tight around his waist.

“But you’re going back to Tokyo without me.”

“We can still meet up, dumbass. It’s not like we’ll be at opposite ends on the globe.”

“I’ll still miss you.”

He feels the breath of Katsuki’s sigh against the side of his face.

“Course you will.” Shouto is hugged even tighter to Katsuki’s chest, and his heart flutters with warmth. He can’t even feel the chilly Musutafu winter air around him. All he can feel is Katsuki’s heat.

“I’ll miss you too, Shou.”

It’s barely a whisper in his ear, but Shouto hears it loud and clear. Doesn’t need Katsuki to repeat those words. But knows he will if he asks him to. (Hopes he’d still do it)

He’d love to stay in Katsuki’s embrace forever, but unfortunately they don’t have that long until Fuyumi gets tired of waiting for him to text back and walks out to wait for him. And if his mother or Natsuo see Katsuki, they’ll no doubt invite him inside.

So he goes to pull away, but Katsuki’s touch lingers, and his heart still aches while his lungs are filled with his familiar scent- they make eye contact. Shouto doesn’t know what makes him lean forward and press their lips together, but it can’t be a bad thing, because Katsuki kisses him back.

It’s one of the slowest and most delicate kisses they’ve ever had. So careful, like they’re afraid the other will fade away into dust if they press their mouths too much. Katsuki holds him by the waist with a firm grip that almost convinces Shouto he never meant to let him go. In turn, he grabs onto Katsuki’s shoulders and gets his hands in his hair, keeps him there to taste the last remnants of the love he has for him.

It’s a bittersweet kiss, but it’s a kiss that makes Shouto fall in love with Katsuki all over again.

Too bad it’s their last.

When he pulls back, he really doesn’t want to, but time is cruel, life is even crueler to them, so Shouto can’t take his chances now. Through red cheeks and shiny eyes, Shouto smiles at his ex-boyfriend and moves to step out of his embrace. Katsuki pecks his lips one last time and grabs both his hands, gripping them tight.

“I’m serious, Shouto. Even if we broke up, don’t go thinking I’m abandoning you or some shit, okay? We’re still friends and that’ll never change, halfie.”

Shouto nods, eyes brimming with tears once again, but he reaches out and wipes them away with a cold hand. “Me too, I promise I’ll never abandon you, Katsuki.”

“I know, Shou.”

In the midst of cold and wintry air, Shouto feels like a part of Katsuki’s warmth has stayed with him.

_____________

“Where is Katsuki-kun?”

Is the first thing his mom asks Shouto as soon as he walks through the door and greets him with a hug. Shouto tenses in the hold of her delicate frame. It’s not like he thought he could avoid this conversation, but he foolishly thought he’d have a little more time after walking inside.

“Why’d you bring so many bags, Shou? You stayin’ over or something?” Natsuo comes too, Fuyumi in tow who shoots him a reassuring look.

“I’m moving back to Musutafu.”

“Oh, that’s good to hear, Shouto. I hope everything is alright with work.” She lets him go then steps off to the side to peek through the window next to the front door. “Is Katsuki still at the car?”

“Katsuki isn’t coming. He just dropped me off.”

His mother’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. Natsuo as well, makes a weird face, still a little out of the loop. He doesn’t want to beat around the bush like he did with Izuku, so Shouto clears the air before they can jump to conclusions.

“We broke up.”

He hears his mom’s gasp and sees Natsuo squint his eyes at him.

“You’re joking, right?” His brother’s confusion morphs into amusement, then walks up to him and opens the front door. “He’s just playing, mom, I’m sure Bakugou’s waiting outside to come in any minute now-“

“No, Natsuo, Katsuki isn’t coming. We broke up and I moved out of our apartment. I’m going to stay with Fuyumi until I find a new place.”

Natsuo’s face drops at the firmness in his tone. His mother’s hand comes out to hold onto his arm, gentle eyes seeking his gaze.

“Oh, Shouto, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.” He almost falters again at the sheer sadness in his mother’s voice, but he just smiles at her in appreciation, lets her guide him to the living room so they can sit down. On their way there, Fuyumi smiles at him, letting him know that she’ll be there if he needs assistance, and Shouto will always be grateful for her; for them.

“We had to break up because of work becoming more demanding, the added stress and lack of time to spend with each other were also piling up and it wasn’t the best environment for either of us.”

There’s tea set out for them while Shouto goes over their breakup. It’s not easy, but the aromatic drink calms him down and he knows that his mother and siblings want to be there for him because they love him. He’d do the same for those he cares about.

“I also agreed that we shouldn’t stay in a relationship if it makes us unhappy, and some time apart will do us good, I think. Apparently it’s not that easy to balance hero work and a relationship.” He adds, and almost regrets saying it out loud, given the fact that his family is a literal example of this, but no one seems put off by it.

It’s quiet for a short while, they’re probably waiting for him to say something else, not wanting to rush him. But Shouto honestly doesn’t know what else is there to be said.

“That sucks.” Natsuo breaks the quiet atmosphere, looking genuinely put off by the news.

“Yeah, I know.”

“I mean, he wouldn’t have been my first choice if I were to pick a boyfriend for you, Shou, but he’d been so good to you, he even got you to come out of your shell more. You looked so much happier when you were with him. And his cooking is awesome.”

Fuyumi laughs behind her hand at that, his mother following suit. Yeah, Shouto remembers how much his family raved over Katsuki’s cooking every time they’d get together for a meal. He’ll miss having Katsuki over for dinner, unless that’s still a thing friends do. He can’t remember the last time he invited Izuku to have a meal with his family outside of birthdays.

“Katsuki-kun was a blessing to us all.” His mother speaks up, voice reverent and far away, like she’s recounting a memory from the past. “He’d been exactly what our family needed.” She looks to Shouto, “What you needed, Shouto. I had hoped time and work wouldn’t be so cruel on you two.”

He’d seen it firsthand how well Katsuki blended in with his family. How he’d interact with his siblings – always helping Fuyumi in the kitchen and putting in the effort to find common interests with Natsuo – and furthermore how he’d treat Shouto’s mom. He’d see the same gentle but unapologetic Katsuki around his mother that he’d see at home when it was just the two of them.

It used to be amusing in the beginning, with Katsuki biting his tongue every time he’d talk to his mom, not wanting to curse in front of her, despite being as vulgar as he is at school around Mitsuki-san. With time, he’d stop holding back as much, but Shouto would still notice the way his tone would shift to a softer one when talking to Rei (and with Shouto himself).

What made it even better about having Katsuki and his family together would be the way his boyfriend used to not pull his punches with Endeavor.

They needed a voice of reason, a louder voice in their family for so long, and Katsuki was exactly what had been missing. Though no matter how many times the blond would terrorize Endeavor, Shouto’s father seemed to accept his fate and even showed his approval of their relationship.

Not that Shouto needed Endeavor’s approval, but after all they’ve been through, it felt nice to know that his father came around. “You make a great team on field, I don’t doubt it’s the same outside of hero work” he’d said after learning about Shouto’s relationship with Katsuki, which, understandably, gave him whiplash.

But it at least meant he wouldn’t have to deal with his father if he were to have had an adverse reaction.

“You’re still keeping in touch, aren’t you, Shouto?” Fuyumi asks, voice hesitant, but still hopeful that they’re still on good terms.

“Yes, of course, we’re still friends. I think it might take some times to get used to it, but we’re okay.”

“I’m glad to hear that, dear.”

His mother grabs one of his hands with both of her own and traces patterns on the back of it. Shouto still remembers when she used to do that to him as a baby and he’d feel the cool touch of her quirk surging beneath her skin. Having dreaded the cold for so many months lately, this kind of chill is welcoming to him.

“We’ll always be here if you want to talk about it, Shouto. It’s not an easy thing to get through on your own, especially with how long you’ve been together. It’s sad to see you part ways, Katsuki-kun made you so happy.”

In a way, it’s a relief to Shouto that his family saw that part of Katsuki. That they knew he wasn’t going to hurt Shouto, they knew not to judge him based on his abrasive exterior – one he shed off over the years, but will make reappearances every now and again – and trust him to be Shouto’s partner.

“I was happy, and I don’t think…I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving him, mom. But this is the best solution, it wouldn’t have been fair to continue the relationship after getting to this point.”

It took him years to be comfortable to speak about his feelings with his family, years to unlearn and accept that he wasn’t a burden to them, that he deserved to have a loving family too, no matter the reason he was brought into this world. And it feels good, to talk about it, to let it out, knowing that he has his family to support and listen to him.

“And if you ever need someone to take care of him for you, Shou, just call me.” Natsuo calls out from his chair, making a point of clenching his fists. Shouto keeps to himself the fact that Natsuo most probably can’t even dodge one of his punches.

“I’ll keep in mind, but I don’t think it will be needed. I can handle Katsuki myself.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that one match between you two in third year. He really got what he deserved when he asked you to use your fire.”

The mood turns light and they easily switch into talking about happier things; about his mom’s newest knitting project, Fuyumi shows them videos of her daughter learning how to walk and Natsuo shares stories from his hospital job.

Even if it’s just for a few hours, Shouto manages to forget all about his heartache and Katsuki, no matter if it comes back on in full force when he goes to sleep in the guest room in his mom’s house. She insisted that Shouto stay here for the night and if he wants, to move in with Fuyumi. It’s nothing like his childhood bedroom, but the traditional setting is still there, along with the tatami floors and a plush futon.

Before he can get settled in for the night, he calls Izuku. Shouto’s almost forgotten about it, a little overwhelmed by being with (most of) his family after everything that went down with Katsuki. He’s still a little nervous about it, not knowing if in between this morning and right now, Izuku and Katsuki might have talked about it. It’s not like it’s a secret, Katsuki can talk about it with whoever he wants to and Izuku is arguably their closest friend.

But the idea of it, the idea that things might change after this, after their breakup, sends Shouto into an unhealthy spiral of thoughts. He knows nothing bad will come out of it, it’s not like their friends are going to pick one side or the other- it was a mutual breakup.

Although there could always be something else Katsuki didn’t tell him for one reason or another.

Shouto prefers to not think about that, it’s not good when he starts overthinking in situations like this one.

“Oh, Shouto-kun I was wondering when you were gonna call. I hope you made it safely to Musutafu! Mom told me she saw Kacchan’s car parked outside his parents’ house so I assume everything was fine on the way there.”

It’s nice how Izuku is trying to ease into it, how he tries to make Shouto feel like he’s not dying to know what happened between him and Katsuki – unless he already knows about it – but it’s better to just cut to the chase.

“Hey, Izuku. About this morning…” His friend goes quiet on the other end, no doubt all ears. “I was going to tell you, I just didn’t know how to go about it. But it’s true, Katsuki and I broke up and I’ve moved back to Musutafu.”

“It’s the second time I’m hearing you say this and it still doesn’t sound real, Shouto-kun.” Midoriya lets out a strained chuckle, possibly trying to lighten up the mood. “I never thought, I didn’t think this moment would come, if I’m being honest.”

“Me neither.” Shouto huffs out a breath, it’s not amusing at all, he’s more so in disbelief himself, but he knows it’ll just take some time to get used to it.

“But how? What happened? I talked to Kacchan last night and he told me you were driving to Musutafu, but I thought you were visiting your parents…I didn’t think this was the reason.”

Oh yes, he remembers Katsuki walking out into the lobby to take the phone call. Shouto just assumed he and Izuku talked about work, as that’s the reason for most of their calls, but he didn’t want to intrude and ask him what they talked about in detail.

“I’d like to say I don’t know how it got to this point, but I think I’m well aware of why we decided to split up.” Shouto leans against the headboard of the guest bed, gaze flicking between the plants lined up on the windowsill and the paintings hung up on the wall- he’s never seen these before.

“It was mostly work. We were busy all the time, we barely saw each other through the day. Most times we’d come home and fight about something insignificant or go straight to sleep. Then I started missing dinner…I really didn’t want to, but I had to take care of the new interns, with the agency being shorthanded this time of year and Katsuki being away for his mission, things started to change for the worse.”

He’s gone over the obvious and potential reasons for their breakup in his head on the car ride here, and now that he says all this out loud, it sounds a little pathetic to Shouto himself. They really couldn’t keep a relationship because of work?

He knows there are couples who break up over reasons of less magnitude, but he really had hope that they’d be able to overcome this hop together. Maybe this is just the consequence of being the heroes he and Katsuki are today.

“Katsuki brought it up over dinner one night and we decided that the best solution is to break up and spend some time away from each other.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Shouto. That must’ve been a really hard conversation to go through.”

“Yeah, it felt,” He licks his lips, trying hard not to let himself get crushed with the memory of his emotions from that day. “I felt like I was overusing my quirk. Like my ice went out of control. I don’t know how to explain it, but it wasn’t, it’s not something I want to experience again.”

“I get it, it’s really heartbreaking when you have to end things with someone who you’ve been with for so long. How many years has it been since you guys got together? Five years?”

“Mhm, our 5-year anniversary was this year. I remember wasting up most of our vacation days for that trip, but we knew it was worth it. But now, I think that maybe we could have used those days to spend more time with each other now. We started working more hours at the start of September.”

“We all know being a hero in a relationship with another hero isn’t easy, especially when you’re both so high up in the ranks like you and Kacchan. And you guys were doing so great, I have to admit I was a little envious of how in tune you are with each other.” Izuku admits with a chuckle.

“But maybe this is the best decision, who knows? I know both you and Kacchan need some time alone to gather your thoughts, and maybe this is one of those situations.”

“Yeah, whenever we would argue we’d go sit in different rooms, or Katsuki would take a walk around the neighborhood. We always thought it was best to talk after clearing our heads instead of screaming at each other.” It almost feels nostalgic thinking about their little habits, “It didn’t always work though.”

“Well, no one is perfect. But you found a system, you knew each other.”

Yeah, they do, and Shouto doesn’t think anyone else gets him the way Katsuki does. Would it be sad for him to say that he never wants anyone else to get him like that? He doesn’t think there’s someone who could do it the way Katsuki did it.

Doesn’t think there’s someone out there who could love him like Katsuki did.

But maybe that’s what he needs?

“You’re still friends, right? From what you told me you ended things on a good note, and Kacchan even drove you back. I’m sure he didn’t want to hurt you, Shouto.”

“Yes, we’re still friends. I don’t want to lose him, I still want Katsuki to be a part of my life, even if that means we’ll only be friends. I’ve always valued his friendship.”

“I’m sure he does too, he’s just too proud to admit it sometimes.”

“He’s been getting better at it over the years. Even called me his best friend once.”

Izuku gasps into his phone, “So I’m not your best friend anymore?”

“I can have more than one best friend, can’t I? Or is that not how it works?”

“I guess Kacchan and I will have to battle it out.”

“I’m not sure he’ll agree to it, but you can try asking him.”

“Hmm, we’ll have to see. Right, before I forget, I just wanted to say that I hope things will get better for you, Shouto. I’m sure it was just as hard for Kacchan, and he wouldn’t have broken up with you if he didn’t have a good reason for it. He loves you a lot, like a lot, he even told me that, and then threatened to kill me right after.”

It sends Shouto into a fit of giggles, he can imagine that. And he’s told Izuku himself how much he cares about Katsuki and about how happy their relationship makes him.

This might be for the best though, he could be just as happy being just friends.

They continue talking for several minutes after, catching up on what each other has been up to, until Izuku tells him he has to get ready for his night shift. Shouto ends the call and shuts off his phone, he’s not really up for checking his social media – as it’s usually flooded with Dynamight content, courtesy of his own doing – so he tucks himself under the covers and lets his eyes fall shut.

It’s been so long since he’s last slept in a one-person bed.

The house is warm, but there’s still a lingering chill in Shouto’s heart.

_______________

“You did what?!”

Mitsuki’s voice shakes the whole house, yet Masaru doesn’t even flinch at her scream. Instead, he gives Katsuki a worried look, brows furrowing over the rim of his glasses.

“You heard me, hag! Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Katsuki shoots back, a sour look in his eyes. He was expecting a bad reaction, but not quite like this.

“Honey, there’s no need to yell-“ Masaru tries to intervene by placing one hand on his wife’s shoulder only to get it shrugged off.

“Oh there is! Did you hear him? Did you hear what he just said?”

“Yes dear, but please, let’s sit down and hear Katsuki out. Maybe there was a good reason…”

“What good reason, Masaru?! There’s no reason for Katsuki to push that boy out of his life like that-“ She catches herself mid-sentence, turning her attention fully onto her son once again.

“What did you do?”

“Hah?” Katsuki tries to step back when she comes close to his face and jams an accusatory finger into his sternum.

“You were so happy together and now you show up without him, brat! Shouto was head over heels for you and you just let him go?! What did you do?!”

“I broke up with him because he wasn’t happy with me anymore! That’s what I did!” He yells back at his mother, keeps his eyes trained on her to make sure she hears his loud and clear.

“How do you know he was unhappy? Did you even ask him, you brat? Or did you make up shit in your head?!”

“I didn’t need to fucking ask him it was clear as fucking day! How do you think that made me feel, huh? To see him every fucking day and know that he’s miserable with me?” Katsuki’s voice breaks, body running out of breath, chest heaving with every word. He feels like he’s about to explode, and it’s not because of the dangerous sparking in his palms.

Her face melts from anger to confusion to disbelief, the sharpness in her gaze faltering.

“But you love him so much, Katsuki.” His mother starts again, with an almost unrecognizable voice. She sounds just as defeated as he felt when he had to let go of Shouto that night.

As much as he tries to hold back, his face crumples up like a tissue paper, stinging wetness forming at the rim of his eyes. He hasn’t shed one tear through this whole breakup, but he was hurting too.

Hurting when Shouto would hold onto him at night as his body would shake with silent sobs and the only thing Katsuki could muster up to do was pretend to be asleep and not move from his former lover’s embrace.

Hurting when all week he’d manage to see only a glimpse of Shouto in between ridiculous work hours and time consuming stakeout missions. Hurting when all he could feel at the end of the day was frustration with one self and a lack of fulfillment, because this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He had so much hope that they’d work out. That, for once, something good in Katsuki’s life would just slip away from his hands or get ripped out with force.

Thought he’d get to have something of his own, something he built with effort and- and love. Turns out it wasn’t for him.

Hurting when he saw the quiet acceptance on Shouto’s face when he asked if Katsuki’s breaking up with him. When Shouto, sweet and kind and loving and everything Katsuki ever wanted, the love of his fucking life pleaded him for ‘one last kiss’ that night, something he didn’t even dare think about.

Because why would he deserve to touch Shouto again after letting him go? After severing them apart and going against his word of “keeping and loving Shouto forever”?

“Do you think I don’t know?” He rasps out, through clenched teeth and bloodshot eyes, violent tears raining down his face. It’s been so long since he last cried that it almost hurts.

He knew that the road to becoming the number one hero wouldn’t be easy. He knew pro-heroes had a hell of a time keeping a balance between personal, intimate relationships and work. He knew, god fuck he knew, okay?

“You think I don’t know I fucked up?”

He thought he could do it. Thought he was better than this. Better than the assholes who drop their partner at the first fork in the road.

And he’d been there for Shouto.

Shouto had been there for him.

They’d gone through so many hardships together and Katsuki genuinely thought there was nothing that would break them apart.

“I love him more than anything in this godforsaken world!”

But it’s not easy when one half of your dream makes you give up on the other half.

“But I can’t keep him if it’s making us both miserable! I can’t-“ He heaves, bordering on hyperventilating. He feels an incoming headache at the back of his head. His throat stings and his chest aches. “I can’t do that to Shouto…”

Katsuki collapses into his mother’s arms, body wracking with choking sobs. She instantly gathers him to her chest, shouldering his much stronger body, one hand coming to hold him by the back of his head.

Masaru walks closer to their side and loops one arm around his son’s shoulders, proving comfort in his own quiet way. He used to get this way a lot when he was younger. Pent up emotions paired with his explosive personality was never a good combination, and he used to blow up like this a lot in the past. A surefire way to get him to calm down was to hold him, stubborn brat wouldn’t admit to it back in the day but he loves skinship, then encourage him to go about what he’s feeling in his own way.

They stay in front of the door until Katsuki calms down enough for them to move to the couch, where he tried very hard to brush it off and go up to him room, but it doesn’t work.

“You’re not a 5-year-old brat anymore! Sit down and talk to us.”

Masaru moves and takes her hand in his, a silent way of asking her to ‘tone it down’. She doesn’t brush him off this time around.

“What your mother is trying to say, is that we’re here to listen to you, Katsuki. We know how much Shouto means to you and we want to be here to support you. I’m sure we can fix this together.”

Katsuki huffs in annoyance. “There’s nothing to fix, work has been giving me shit for months now and we barely saw each other. Doesn’t help the fact that almost every time I get home I blow up at Shouto like a fucking idiot and we start fighting over stupid shit.”

They can’t ‘fix this’ if hero work is going to be the same in the future.

“I couldn’t go on like that.”

“What did Shouto say?”

“He said it’ll be good if we spend some time apart. So it made sense to break up. He’s moving back to Musutafu, already changed agencies and all that.”

“Don’t tell me you kicked him out, Katsuki!” His mother, as usual, draws her own conclusions and never misses an opportunity to call him out.

“I didn’t! He talked to his sister and told me he’s moving out. I only found out two days before he was supposed to leave, so don’t shift the blame on me!”

Mitsuki sighs, shoulders slumping. It’s clearly taking a toll on her, and on Katsuki as well, but it’s always been like this. Shouting at each other until their lungs burn from it then play along with his father’s requests and have a civil conversation about whatever started all this.

“Sorry for screaming like that, it just took me by surprise.”

Masaru smiles easily when Mitsuki extends the peace offering towards their son and apologizes first.

“No, I get it, I would’ve yelled at myself too.” Katsuki sniffles, grabbing a few tissues to wipe at his face. He feels so fucking exhausted. “Shit, I fucked up big time.”

“Maybe you did, but you can still make up for it.” Masaru gets up from the couch to grab a photo album, a newer one that contains pictures of Katsuki and Shouto together. He sits down next to Katsuki. “I don’t think it’s too late, but maybe you two need time alone before you can come back together.”

“Yeah, brat, I don’t know why, but Shouto loves you a lot. I don’t think that’s going away anytime soon.”

He snorts, a smile cracking on his tear stained face, “Thanks, ma’.”

They spend the rest of the afternoon looking through photos, until Katsuki grows hungry. He starts feeling better once he gets into the kitchen with his father and they start cooking, his mom watching from the doorway, commenting good-naturedly just to keep the spirits up.

Over dinner, when Katsuki sits down at the table and sees snowflakes dancing outside through the window, he believes things will get better. That even if he can’t have Shouto in his life as his boyfriend, he’ll continue to hold onto their friendship.

He owes him that. He never wants to see Shouto cry because of him ever again.

And if that comes at the cost of their relationship, then so be it. Katsuki promised Shouto to keep him happy, and he’ll do it, no matter what it takes.

_________________

As upsetting as it sounds, waking up alone is something Shouto has been getting used to for a while now.

Not waking up next to Katsuki used to occur every odd week, then it slowly started to become the regular, along with going to sleep alone. They’d see each other throughout the day, meet up for lunch or dinner, but as days went by, those instances became few and sparse.

It wouldn’t be a reach to say that, if it where anyone else, they would have lost the strong feelings they once held for their partner. Shouto thought he could feel it too, the impression that they were drifting apart. Not just physically, but emotionally as well.

It turns out, Shouto never lost those feelings.

He just didn’t have Katsuki close to make him feel those exact feelings again.

So, with time, he started forgetting about them. Started forgetting how his eyes would flutter shut in content each time they’d meet in the middle for a sweet kiss; how his arms would instantly loop around Katsuki’s shoulders to bring him into a tight embrace; how amazing it felt to have Katsuki wrap himself all over his body under the sheets and lay all of his love on this man.

They all came back flooding on Saturday when Katsuki drove him back to Musutafu.

Came along with more than the occasional meal spent together or the sleepy conversations they’d have at the crack of dawn. And it was so good, the day was so good. Even if Shouto was still learning how to act around his now ex-boyfriend, not knowing if he should treat Katsuki in a specific way, different than how he would have treated a friend.

Despite the few awkward moments and the too-loud silence between them, Shouto doesn’t remember the last time he felt so at ease in the last few months. They haven’t had the occasion in quite a while, to just go out somewhere and enjoy themselves for more than a stolen afternoon in between villain attacks.

So that must have been it. Close proximity with Katsuki, no rush, no stress over work, no interns to keep an eye on, just the two of them on their last ‘trip’ fresh after their breakup.

Shouto still doesn’t know if he wants to take as truth what Katsuki told him that night.

All those things, every word he said, he’s told Shouto before. Has called him every compliment under the sun, has kissed every inch of his body and whispered praises into his skin until Shouto would cry from the overwhelming sensation. And he’d sounded so sincere too, like liquid affection was dripping from between his lips right into Shouto’s system.

It was too much. Too much for Shouto who hasn’t felt the arduous touch of his lover in months, who, in turn, has not given his own touch to his lover in months. It felt like jumping out of a plane all over again. Like riding in one of those rollercoasters that takes you on those giant loops and you feel your stomach swooping up and down with the movement.

Shouto didn’t think he’d get to feel like that after Katsuki broke them up.

Didn’t think he was deserving of being on the receiving end of Katsuki’s affection, his attention, the sheer reverence with which he kissed and touched Shouto…it almost felt surreal. Like Shouto dreamed it all up.

But he knows it’s real, he still has the fading marks of Katsuki’s bites on his neck, even days after they made love for the last time.

He thinks it might be a little silly of him, to keep thinking about it. To hold onto that moment so dearly, but it’s barely been a week and a half since they split up.

Surely, a few months down the road, he’ll look back and realize how little he cares about these moments, right? That’s what people do after they break up. Right?

He has been spending the night at his mom’s house, after she and Fuyumi talked it out and requested Shouto’s help, when he’s not working, with preparations for Christmas. So he doesn’t move his things to Fuyumi’s place, but he does pay her husband and their daughter a visit – he’d be a bad ‘uncle Shou Shou’ if he didn’t – and then would come back after his shift to help his mother decorate the house.

It’s nothing extravagant, but this year they’re spending Christmas together, even his father and Touya are coming over, so his mom needed the extra pair of hands to get things done.

It’s almost familiar, hanging glittery snowflakes in the window and decorating the small fir tree in the living room. He recalls doing this with Katsuki, only that their tree was made out of plastic – no cleanup or having to buy a new one every year – and they’d spend an entire afternoon dressing it up with garlands, baubles and lights. They’ve always had different ‘visions’ when it came to what looks better together and what color combinations they want.

He still remembers the absolute repulsive look on Katsuki’s face when Shouto suggested they decorate their tree in their hero colors. Turns out, orange, green and candy cane colors don’t look that great together.

Christmas time also brought forth Katsuki’s use of the ‘candy cane’ nickname for him. At first, Shouto found them odd, especially the ones that had to do with the shades of his hair, but he grew fond of them. He started looking forward to Katsuki calling him various nicknames, along with ‘candy cane’, just to then see his boyfriend grab one of the peppermint swirled sticks and pop it into his mouth. His kisses always tasted minty sweet afterwards.

Shouto makes sure to spread out the baubles and the rest of the glass decorations on the tree, having taken notes from when Katsuki used to move them after he’d put them on.

It was on the principal of aesthetics, but he does recall his boyfriend coming home the following day and asking Shouto if he wants them to re-do the tree however he wants it. Remembers Katsuki saying he felt bad about re-decorating the tree his own way after Shouto put in the effort to hang the decorations and he didn’t want to take that away from him- the joy of dressing up the three for Christmas.

They’d compromised then and Shouto took care of the rest of their apartment, leaving the tree untouched. It did look better after Katsuki spread out the baubles, in comparison to Shouto’s crowded attempt from earlier.

But he made sure to thank Katsuki, without outright saying it, but with a precariously tied mistletoe above the doorframe of their bedroom. So that whenever they’d pass through they’d have to stop and kiss.

Katsuki said it was cheesy and crappy, but whenever Shouto would pass by the mistletoe, his boyfriend was always there to give him a kiss.

So maybe he didn’t hate it as much as he said he did.

This year there’s no mistletoe, no hero-themed Christmas tree and no Katsuki. But the house if full and around the dinner table are his parents and siblings, Fuyumi’s husband with their daughter and Natsuo’s fiancée.

Katsuki used to have his own seat right next to Shouto at the end of the table, lest he’d start a ruckus with Touya. Now there’s no chair there and Shouto also changes his usual spot to sitting on his mom’s left.

They make light conversation, everyone getting to answer the usual ‘how have you been?’ question, followed by wedding and future kids inquiries directed at Natsuo. Shouto listens intently, genuinely interested to know what his siblings have been up to recently. They do keep in contact as much as they can, but if Shouto didn’t have time lately to spend with his own boyfriend (ex now), then it was even harder to have the usual hour-long phone calls with his family members.

They go around the table and eventually get to him. He squirms a little in his chair, still a little uncomfortable with having all eyes on him, but he manages to not make it too obvious.

“Blondie couldn’t make it this year, Shou?”

Touya throws across the table, a smirk on his face. He and Katsuki have always been sort of ‘at odds’ with each other, but never truly hostile after his oldest brother underwent therapy. Though, whenever they’d meet they’d throw jabs at each other, looking like two brothers having a petty fight.

He feels Fuyumi’s eyes on him and the gentle squeeze of his mother’s hand on his shoulder. Shouto hasn’t told him yet, nor his father, which he’s only seen now after the last time they met for hero work months ago.

“Ah, Katsuki and I decided to split up. Things were strained because of work so we decided to break it off.” It comes out stilted and weak, like Shouto doesn’t buy his own words, despite it being the truth.

His father shifts his gaze on him, minute shock visible in his expression.

Touya clicks his tongue, “That blows, I used to have fun picking on him. And you weren’t as annoying when he was around.”

He knew not to expect much from Touya, but the slight dejected look on his face tells him more than he needs. Shouto doesn’t think he feels bad about it, but Touya must be feeling at least a little sorry for him, what with him not pushing any further.

The air is strained, until his mother brings up the latest recipe she’s tried making and Natsuo’s fiancée joins in. Soon enough, after dessert, people start getting up from the table either to watch whatever’s rolling on the TV or to grab a drink.

Shouto however, has to get ready for patrol. He’s been assigned to a new group of interns, although his hours aren’t as atrocious, since the agency in Musutafu doesn’t operate on a scale as big as the one in Tokyo. It still means that he has to go out and patrol the streets on Christmas Eve. It’s not ideal, and if he had to choose he’d like to stay indoors and enjoy the special hot chocolate Fuyumi started preparing right about now, but he doesn’t really have a choice.

After saying goodbye to almost everyone in the house, Shouto makes his way to the entrance, only to hear his father call after him.

“Shouto, wait.”

It’s a little unexpected, and he really hopes his father isn’t going to give him a Christmas present right about now. They’ve never had this tradition in the family, but after the birth of Fuyumi’s daughter, they will sometimes exchange little festive tokens or something similar over the holidays. And with his father visibly putting in the effort to be there for the family, Shouto wouldn’t put it past him to come up with something like this.

“Yes?”

It never stops surprising him how much of a whiplash he gets from seeing Endeavor nervous. It’s evident in the way his eyebrows furrow in frustration at seemingly not knowing what words to use, the way he rubs his fingers together – Shouto recognized the habit one day, the same one he picked up whenever he’s sleepy.

“About you and Bakugou, it’s unfortunate that you broke up.”

Oh, so that’s what he wanted to talk about. Shouto has to admit, this takes him aback more than the way his father fidgets uncomfortably in front of him right now.

Katsuki and his father had an even weirder relationship.

As Katsuki would never pull his punches with the old man, always call him out when Endeavor would step out of line, being the voice of reason his family needed. Not that they couldn’t stand up for themselves, but it felt nice, to have Katsuki butt heads with his father because it’s the only thing he can do without getting his hero license revoked.

His boyfriend had said many times in the past how much he’d love to blow up his old man’s face. All the anger he would exude whenever Shouto opened up to him about how his father used to act during his childhood.

But he never did anything like that. Because as angry and furious he was with Endeavor, Katsuki loved Shouto too much to do something like that. He was better than that.

So he’d take out his pent up frustration by sparring with Shouto then fucking him until he’d tremble with pleasure.

Instead of hurting someone for Shouto, Katsuki chose to love him and take care of him. And that spoke volumes over the first option, in Shouto’s opinion.

“Uh, thank you. I know, but we’re still friends.”

“That’s good, you two make a really good team.” A heavy hand falls on Shouto’s shoulder in an attempt at a comforting pat, “I hope you’ll feel better, son.”

Is it that obvious that the breakup still saddens him or is that just the ‘generic line’ tacked on, to show Shouto that he cares? Either way, he thanks his father again and walks out the door, head drowned in fog.

Only when he’s propped up on the rooftop of an apartment building does Shouto remember.

Me: Merry Christmas, Katsuki!

Me: I hope you had a good day.

He thinks it’s neutral enough. Doesn’t add any emojis, as Katsuki used to complain about them a lot – Shouto doesn’t think he genuinely hates them – and keeps the texts short. A photo of the dinner spread from earlier is attached to his two messages, to make sure Katsuki knows he ate something and didn’t go starving without him.

Katsuki: merry christmas, Shouto

Katsuki: having dinner with matchstick and your family?

Shouto has to do a double-take at the photo, noticing Touya’s scarred hand cut out in the frame.

Me: Not right now, no. I’m out on patrol. Started my shift about an hour ago.

Me: How about you? Did you eat?

It’s only been like two days since they last saw each other, and they haven’t really talked, but rather briefly checked in with each other throughout the day. Things like a simple ‘what are you eating?’ and ‘is it snowing there?’, which don’t really go anywhere, but he understands.

There’s nothing really to talk about, unless they drag on the breakup conversation forever. And it would feel weird now, to tell Katsuki every little thing he does like he used to.

A photo from Katsuki pops up next, of a tupperware container filled with leftover rice and fried chicken with spicy sauce. It’s pretty dark in his office, though Shouto can make out the stack of reports laid out on his left and the opened up computer to his right. He thinks he also sees a mug somewhere in the background with a candy cane dangled on the edge, but maybe Shouto’s only making it up in his head.

Katsuki: I’m stuck doing paperwork today

Katsuki: they sent your groupies out with a different pro hero for patrol in the city

Me: my groupies?

Katsuki: your previous group of interns, halfie

Katsuki: is the cold making your brain run slower?

Me: I have my quirk to warm me up, I don’t think that’s the case.

Katsuki: nah, I think you definitely have a frozen braincell or two

Me: Then I better start moving if I want to defrost them

Katsuki: don’t slack off, icyhot, the civilians need you to protect them on Christmas fucking Eve

Me: Crime rates go up during the holidays. You should know, since you’re filling in paperwork about it right now :)

Katsuki: was starting to wonder if you really forgot to use emojis, halfie

Me: Never 😼

No other messages come in after that and Shouto isn’t that put off by Katsuki leaving him ‘on read’. It’s not like they have anything else to say, and he should really get going. Just before he jumps to another rooftop, he takes a photo of the scenery, catching the Christmas lights adorning the entire city and the moon high up in the sky.

Me: [attachment]

Me: The view is nice from up here.

Katsuki doesn’t read his last texts, so he’s probably gone back to filling in reports. As he uses an ice path to glide through the city, feeling the chill air nip at his skin, Shouto tries not to think about their shared patrols in the past.

Tries his best not to think about how much fun they used to have racing each other from rooftop to rooftop, how he started learning to use his fire to fly so he could catch up to Katsuki in midair. How they’d spend their breaks making out in the shadows of a cramped alley because they were both insatiable and couldn’t take their hands off each other.

Tonight, Shouto only has the cold air to kiss his face.

________________

He finds a new apartment shortly after Christmas.

Natsuo calls him about an apartment his friend from medical school is renting out and tells Shouto that he can move in as soon as he wants. He takes the offer and, after talking things out with the landlord, Shouto’s hauling boxes into his new place.

It’s furnished and quite spacious for a one-bedroom apartment, small, yet not cramped. He thinks it’s perfect for him now, as he has enough storage room for his belongings and large windows for natural light.

In between shifts he unpacks as much as he can, not forgetting to display the cat wood carving Katsuki gifted him on the living room coffee table. It’s the first time in years that he’s moved somewhere new and didn’t have to unpack for two, didn’t have to leave room in the closet for another person’s clothes, didn’t have to neatly arrange Katsuki’s various knives in the cutlery drawer.

There’s now only one toothbrush in the bathroom cupboard, along with the extra one still in the pack for change or a guest. There’s only Shouto’s shampoo and conditioner on the small shower shelf, no sight of Katsuki’s citrus body wash. Only on set of keys in the glass bowl at the entrance – Fuyumi has the other set in case Shouto loses his – and certainly no explosion keychain that Shouto won at one of those gachapon machines.

When he goes through all the boxes he spots a few of Katsuki’s old hoodies and shirts that eventually found their way in Shouto’s pile of clothes. He used to wear them more often than their original owner, so with time they became his own.

Shouto isn’t sure if he wants to see them right now. It’d feel wrong wearing them, he thinks.

Not much goes into furnishing his kitchen, as this used to be Katsuki’s domain, and most of what they had at their shared apartment belonged or was bought by him in the first place.

Shouto did learn how to cook, either with the help of his sister or under Katsuki’s guidance. It was more fun, when he could help out with dinner or have breakfast ready for when his boyfriend used to come home from a night shift at the crack of dawn. And he thinks he understands why Katsuki enjoys cooking as much as he does, it’s such a satisfying feeling, to make something with your own hands and share it with the people close to you.

He still remembers the otherworldly satisfaction he felt when he nailed the mapo tofu for Katsuki’s birthday earlier this year. It’s why he bought a whole thing of gochujang from the convenience store earlier. Must’ve been out of habit.

It’ll take a while to get used to an always quiet apartment, but Shouto thinks he can do it. He has to, he knows he’s strong enough. And it’s not the first time he’s living alone.

Although it’s the first time there’s no guarantee that Katsuki will come over to fill in the silence.

For New Year’s, Shouto decides to attend the agency party.

He doesn’t stay more than a few hours, planning on making a swift exit as soon as his coworkers start downing more than what’s considered a reasonable amount of alcohol. He runs into many familiar faces, including Kirishima and Ashido, who both greet him with wide grins and open arms.

Neither of them mention Katsuki, but they do ask him if he’s come alone or not. They must have been briefed on what happened, or at least told by Katsuki to ‘not make shit awkward’, it’s to be expected of him, he never wants to make Shouto uncomfortable. And they’re closer friends with Katsuki anyway.

It’s been a while since he last hung out with friends outside of joint missions, so Shouto does his best to make the most of it. The music and the good food make for an entertaining evening, a good enough distraction from his overthinking. He needs to go out more and socialize, all the more now that he lives alone, but he’s never been good at doing this. Especially on his own.

Usually he’d go out with Katsuki and meet their friends at the arcade or a reserved place to eat something. There were times when they’d go to Kaminari’s place for video games, or Shouto would join Katsuki over at Jirou and Momo’s apartment when they’d practice a few songs together.

Katsuki always looked so good playing the drums or strumming an electric guitar.

For this exact purpose, Shouto accepts Kirishima’s invitation for breakfast sometime next week with Tokoyami and Tsu, and possibly a few other of their high school classmates. He’d missed them after moving to Tokyo, but it came with his job as a hero, so he couldn’t quite justify his complaints.

Both he and Katsuki chose to move to Tokyo for better opportunities and to improve their abilities as pro-heroes, along with the latter’s dream of landing number one in the rankings. It seems such a faraway dream when Shouto thinks about it now. They were so young, still are, and thought they had the world at the tips of their fingers.

Foolishly thought everything was just going to work out somehow, and they’d overcome any obstacle coming their way.

They were young and in love and Shouto doesn’t blame himself for it.

Doesn’t blame himself for loving Katsuki so much that it got him thinking they were made for each other. That it got him wishing they’d be together like this forever.

Even if he were given the chance to be Katsuki’s boyfriend, with the knowledge that one day they’ll have to go separate ways, he’d still take it. He wouldn’t have become the person he is today without Katsuki by his side.

Maybe this is how it was supposed to go.

Maybe this is what he’s supposed to overcome in life in order to keep growing.

He’ll try, he’ll do his damn best, but he has to admit, no one told him it was going to be this fucking hard.

_______________

Following his outing with Kirishima and the others, Shouto slowly starts getting in contact with classmates he hasn’t talked to in months. And it feels great, he really feels like he’s not just him alone with his unending work hours. Izuku calls him to check in every other day, and even Iida and Ochako start texting more often on the groupchat the four of them created after graduation.

It makes him a little suspicious that everyone is now reaching out to him because they found about his and Katsuki’s breakup from someone and they’re only checking in to see if he’s alright, only because they feel bad for him. But he wants to believe it’s not because of that.

Once again, no one really mentions it, but they do look a little surprised when he shows up alone. It almost feels like an open secret, like something everyone is aware of but still not sure if they should talk about. Like they’re dancing around a ticking bomb.

Shouto doesn’t think he’d have any issues talking if anyone asks him about it, but more than likely that would bring the mood down. He doesn’t want to do that, not when he’s going out to have fun and unwind. He can’t remember the last time he’s just gone out like this with a handful of friends to simply enjoy himself.

Damn, maybe he really should profit off those vacation days when he can. But it always aggravates him, nags at the back of his mind that he’s not doing enough. That’s he’s not pulling his weight, that he’s slacking off and dumping his job on other heroes.

He’s aware that it’s not true, for the most part, because he’s been working as many hours as he can to reach the aptitude he possessed today, but old habits are hard to break. And living with someone as goal-driven, stubborn and bordering on workaholic as Katsuki, it was out of discussion to let himself fall behind.

Perhaps they both needed a voice of reason. Someone or something to tell them they need to take a break or they’ll end up breaking themselves.

And didn’t they break in the worst kind of way?

He hears that Katsuki is injured in a villain fight two days before his birthday. A slab of concrete fell on his leg rendering him bedridden until recovery. Shouto learns it first from Izuku, who’s still operating in Tokyo, then later the next day from Katsuki when he himself sends Shouto a photo of his leg cast.

Katsuki: busted my leg a couple of days ago

Katsuki: asshole took down the building with him and shit fell on me, got my leg trapped under the rubble

Shouto is glad nothing worse happened, as he himself has been in similar situations before. He never knew he suffered from claustrophobia until he was trapped in the smallest air bubble under 5 feet of rubble.

He’s seen colleagues lose limbs on the field, heck he’s seen heroes and civilians lose their lives during the war, and it never fails to take a toll on him. But the best thing he can do it hire a private therapist and do his best to move on, because it’s part of the job. It’s his job to save these people and do his best to ensure nothing like that happens again.

Me: I hope you have a speedy recovery, Katsuki. It’s tough being trapped in bed

Me: Did you give the hospital staff a hard time?

Katsuki: please, you know I’m a delight

Me: Recovery Girl wouldn’t vouch for that

Me: How long will it take for it to fully heal? Or at they putting you on paperwork duty?

Katsuki: a couple of weeks, three at most

Katsuki: there was a doctor with a healing quirk on site, they fixed most of the damage, but I have to let my body heal on its own, you know the drill

Me: I’m glad it wasn’t more serious, please be careful next time!

He doesn’t have to say it, but it’s something he always reminds his friends. Despite all of them knowing that they should take care, some are more reckless than others. And a friendly reminder didn’t hurt nobody.

Katsuki: yeah I know, you sound like the old hag right now

Katsuki: I’m stuck filling in paperwork until they get this thing off me, but I’ll still have to wait at least one more week before I’m in the clear. Don’t wanna strain the muscles and ligaments and shit

Katsuki: it fucking sucks

Me: yeah, it does

Me: Will you be able to cook with your leg like that? Did you call Izuku to help you?

He can’t help but ask these questions, he still cares about Katsuki, obviously.

Katsuki: I’m not asking the damn nerd to come and cook for me, I ain’t fucking incompetent

Katsuki: I gotta lean on one side so I don’t put pressure on it, and it’s a bitch to hop around the kitchen. I got it though

Katsuki: why are you asking? you sound pretty concerned, halfie

Me: Because I am. Since I’m not there to help you anymore, it’s not easy to move around with one leg out of commission.

Katsuki: what, you gonna come and cook for me, Shouto?

The text takes him aback, a little too straightforward compared to how Katsuki has been acting lately. He didn’t want to call it out, as Shouto is also having a hard time adjusting to talking to Katsuki after breaking up, but it’s been pretty evident that Katsuki has been…not fully himself. Even through text, somehow he can feel that the air around them is still tense.

Me: I don’t think my cooking skill are up to par, yet

Katsuki: nah, you’ve gotten pretty good

Katsuki: you didn’t burn the porridge last time when I got sick

It’s been so long ago that Shouto almost forgot. He does recall making porridge for Katsuki, who was coughing up a storm and using up all the napkins in their house to blow his nose. He’d stayed by his side of the bed and made sure he ate enough before taking his medicine, then threaded his fingers through his hair as he took a nap.

Me: That’s a pretty low bar, but I did learn how long to leave it on the stove so it doesn’t burn.

They’ve always looked out for each other. Taken care of each other in their own way, not because they consider the other weak, but because they see each other as equals. And taking care of your loved one is something Shouto takes pride in.

Me: Don’t forget to take your meds, and eat something before

He’s never learned how to comfort others, barely knew how to comfort himself when all he had to wipe his tears away were his own bruised and trembling hands, and the only warm embrace he got was the blanket he’d pull tight around him to get himself to feel something other than the harsh strike of his father’s hand.

Katsuki: I think you forgot who used to remind you all the time to take your meds, halfie

But he learned along with his friends. He learned with Katsuki by his side, how to care for others – with his own words of advice, with a warm cup of tea, shared meals and pats on the back.

Me: I don’t seem to recall such a thing, Katsuki :)

Katsuki got the better end of the deal, as he’d get all that and so much more.

Shouto would draw a warm bath for him and wash his hair when he’d come home, more frustrated than ever at the world and the villains who destroy the city for fun and the obsessed media people who still try and dig up his past like the Kamino incident or the first year Sports Festival.

Shouto would kiss his tears away and hold him close when he’d wake up in the middle of the night having forgotten how to breathe, hands sparking with explosions and sleep shirt drenched in sweat.

Shouto would take the reins and press his mouth to every inch of skin on Katsuki’s body when he’d forget how good love feels. Because Katsuki deserves to be taken care of, deserves to be held and kissed and pampered the same way he does to Shouto.

It’s easy to look at him when he’s on the field and think “Dynamight knows what he’s doing. He looks like he’s got everything under control.” But there are times when that control crumbles away and Katsuki is left just a shell of the man he used to be. So Shouto gladly took it upon himself to piece him back together, not because he should, but because he loved Katsuki.

He still loves him, but he now has to learn to put a stop on it.

Otherwise it’ll build up and overflow at the worst of times.

And as much as Shouto did for him, Katsuki did that tenfold. At least that’s how he counts it. Because despite being called ‘a rude and heartless asshole’ on many accounts by people online and on the streets, Katsuki took better care of Shouto than anyone else.

Made sure to have his favorite meals ready after a bad day. Would leave Shouto’s meds on the nightstand with clear instructions on how many to take and when even when he’d have to leave for work early in the morning.

Made sure to take Shouto to all the places he’s missed out on during his childhood, all the fun arcades and theme parks that Endeavor would have considered ‘distractions’ back then. Made sure to take pictures every now and then, go the extra mile to develop them and buy an album, so they’d have physical proof of all the happy moments they’d spent together.

Shouto’s gaze flies up to the shelf unit in his bedroom, where he displayed two of those albums. Their tucked beside a series of fantasy books Ochako got him hooked on a few years ago, above the many mangas he collected throughout the years during his manga nights with Sero.

Katsuki used to never forget to kiss him before work.

Katsuki used to never forget to tell Shouto how much he loves him before going to sleep.

Katsuki never forgot to make Shouto his strawberry shortcake every year since second year at UA for the eleventh of January.

With two days left until his birthday, Shouto doesn’t get his hopes high. Maybe he’ll skip out on cake this year, since it’ll only bring back memories from the past, memories he can’t relive now.

Maybe Shouto will be the one to forget to have cake this year on his birthday.

After all, it’s just cake.

________________

On his birthday, Shouto gets to go home after his morning shift. He tries to protest at first that he doesn’t mind coming in for his previously scheduled night shift, but he’s sent home with a firm “Happy Birthday” and a “You deserve to have a day for yourself, Shouto-san!”.

It does sound nice, after so many double shifts to have a whole afternoon and night to himself, so he doesn’t press further.

His apartment is quiet when he gets back, as it’s been ever since the first day he moved in. On his way back Shouto picked up cold soba from the restaurant he and Katsuki used to frequent a lot back when they were still rookies, hoping it tastes just as good as it did back then.

He scrolls through the birthday wishes from his friends and family, finding that he keeps checking his notifications for a text from Katsuki. It’s not a big deal really, Shouto isn’t big on birthdays anyway. His friends got him used to celebrating and such.

But Katsuki used to always be the first one to tell him ‘happy birthday, halfie’. Always used to either stay up until 12am or wake up to send Shouto a text, because he wanted to be the first to tell him. Used to wake Shouto up on his birthday with feather-light kisses and light whispers of his name and they’d spend the morning in bed.

Shouto woke up today to the ringing of his alarm, lips chapped and eyes blurry. There was no tender ‘happy birthday, Shou’ whispered against his lips, no traditional breakfast followed by an even better breakfast with Shouto sprawled over their table and Katsuki between his legs.

But it’s okay.

Today is just another day, it just so happens that 24 years ago Shouto was born.

While cleaning up after an early lunch, Shouto hears a knock on the door.

Huh, he doesn’t remember inviting someone over. He already told his friends that he’s not really in the mood to host anything for his birthday today, and everyone is already pretty busy anyway. Aside from visiting his mom at the end of the week for ‘birthday special cold soba’, as she called it, he doesn’t have anything planned.

Forgetting to look through the peephole, Shouto opens the door and is shocked at the sight of spiky blond hair.

“Mitsuki-san? I didn’t expect to see you today…”

“Drop the honorifics, Shouto, you know we’re way past that.”

She’s holding a big box in front of her, another smaller bag around her arm and her purse secured over the shoulder. He recognizes the bakery logo on the front of the box and he thinks he has a pretty good guess regarding what’s inside it.

But why? he wants to ask.

Instead, he steps aside to let Mitsuki inside when she starts tapping her foot on the doormat.

“Let me help you with that.” He reaches to take the box and tells her where to leave her coat and shoes.

“Did Katsuki talk to you? He didn’t tell me you were coming.” He’s a little confused as to why Katsuki’s mom is in his apartment right now, having brought what looks to be cake with her, on his birthday.

“Ah, the brat doesn’t know I’m here. He specifically told me to leave you alone, and that you like strawberry cake. But he had to have gotten his stubborn genes from someone, didn’t he?”

Shouto smiles warmly at her. Katsuki looks so much like his mom, no matter how many times he argues that he does not. He resembles his parents in the best way possible, and while Shouto would’ve taken offense a few years ago at being told he’s similar to his father, in a way he is. In the same way he fidgets in social situations and holds onto his dreams so stubbornly.

It’s the little things, he tells himself. He doesn’t have to entirely embody his father, but at the core of it, there are things and habits they share.

He missed Katsuki’s parents, after all, they always felt like a second family to him.

“Is it because of my birthday? You didn’t have to go through all this trouble, Mitsuki. I wouldn’t have minded if you just called-“

“Don’t be silly, Shouto. Of course I had to. And I’m glad I did, you shouldn’t be alone on your birthday.”

They walk to the kitchen to put the cake box on the countertop, before she hands him the small gift bag.

“It’s not much, but Masaru and I were going to give it to you for Christmas.”

Oh, so they were planning on seeing him for Christmas. Now he feels bad for turning down the offer, though at the same time he knows it wouldn’t have been the best idea, and things would have been awkward for everyone involved.

Shouto accepts the gift with a light bow, to which Mitsuki waves him off for being too polite again.

“Thank you, it means a lot to me.” Carefully, he pulls out a rectangle shaped gift, a little heavy, wrapped in shiny paper.

At the first tear of the wrapping, Shouto is met with his own face. Three more faces join his when he tears the rest of the paper- ah, he remembers taking this photo. It’s a framed picture of one of his and Katsuki’s visits at his parents’ house. They weren’t celebrating anything in particular, but Masaru brought up the idea of them taking a photo, all four of them, so they’d have one too at their house.

There’s a faint frown on Katsuki’s face, but he’s not genuinely upset over this. He’s got one arm around Shouto’s waist, who’s smiling at the camera, all teeth and crinkled eyes. Mitsuki and Masaru are on his other side, so that Shouto’s the on in the middle.

“We made two, one to give to you and Katsuki and one for us. But after Katsuki told us what happened, we wanted to give this to you, Shouto.”

He feels a sting around his eyes- ah, not again, but he smiles wide at her, because he can feel how much they still care about him. Mitsuki always treated him like he was their second son, always checked up on Shouto to make sure he wore enough clothes during winter and that he doesn’t let Katsuki walk out in the summer without sunscreen.

Growing up, his mother’s love was taken away from him. But with his mom having recovered and discharged from the hospital, and after becoming Katsuki’s boyfriend, Shouto had the love of two mothers.

“Can I hug you?”

He asks, because he doesn’t know how else to express himself, and Mitsuki was the first one to pull him into a hug the first time Katsuki took him to their house and introduce him to them as his boyfriend.

“Of course, Shouto. Come here.” She pulls him in and Shouto has to bend a little to reach her, he sometimes forgets how much he’s grown since third year.

It feels a lot like when he hugs his own mom, but Mitsuki’s grip is firmer, akin to Katsuki’s own, and she sways them a little while she hugs Shouto.

“You’ll always be family, Shouto. No matter what happened between you and Katsuki. Okay? If you ever need me or Masaru, our door is always open for you.”

He nods against her shoulder, relieved to hear that. Katsuki told him that this won’t change, that his parents won’t hate Shouto out of nowhere just because they broke up, and he knows thinking that way is unreasonable.

But he thought, just, at the back of his mind, that they won’t bother with him afterwards. That Shouto isn’t important enough for them to make the effort to keep in touch.

Sometimes it’s still hard for Shouto to accept that people genuinely love and care for him, and that their love for him isn’t conditional or finite.

“Thank you, I’m sorry for not reaching out quicker. I got busy with moving in.”

“Don’t apologize, Shouto. It’s okay.”

She pulls back and pats him on the cheek, pinching it afterwards. Mitsuki used to do this a lot to him while he was still in high school, the habit continuing even after he debuted as pro-hero. She’d pinch his cheeks or ruffle his hair, telling him he’s too pretty to not model for her clothing line. But she never really pushed him to do it if he wasn’t comfortable with it.

Katsuki used to pinch his cheeks too, but would oftentimes bite him. Then Shouto would pout at the aggression which would always earn him a kiss, or more, on the lips.

“Let me cut you a slice of cake.”

He doesn’t even get to tell her where he keeps his knives by the time Mitsuki’s unboxing the cake – strawberry shortcake, to no one’s surprise – and cutting one single slice.

“Are you not eating any? You can take some at home for you and Masaru, I don’t think I can eat the entire cake.” She pushes the plate of cake towards him, gesturing for Shouto to sit down at the kitchen island.

“No, it’s all for you, Shouto. If I want something sweet I’ll just have Masaru make those pancakes for me, you know which ones I’m talking about.”

“Oh yes, they were really good. Katsuki made them once when we were babysitting my niece.”

They’re interrupted by the chime of a phone. Shouto doesn’t recognize the ringtone, so it must be Mitsuki’s.

“Speak of the devil.” She sighs and shows Shouto the ID name.

It’s Katsuki.

“What do you want, brat?”

“What are you doing at Shouto’s house? I told you to leave him the fuck alone!”

Seems like the high volume during calls isn’t something only Katsuki has. Shouto tries not to wince at Katsuki’s scream, but even his mother makes a face of displeasure.

“You focus on getting better, don’t call just to insult your mother, Katsuki! Shouto was all alone for his birthday, I did good that I came to visit him.”

“He’s probably tired from work, don’t stress him out with your shit. I’m calling dad to tell him to come and get you out of there.”

“Your dad’s at work, don’t bother him. And you better call Shouto to wish him happy birthday, I just know you didn’t do it yet, brat.”

“Mind your own fucking business, hag!”

Mitsuki hangs up on him and Shouto has to hide a laugh behind his hand. He almost forgot how brazen she can get. It reminds him so much of Katsuki that it’s a little insane.

“Don’t mind him, you know how he gets.” Shouto nods in acknowledgment, he’s had almost a decade of learning just how Katsuki is, “But I think I should go. It’s getting late anyway, and I should get started on dinner before Masaru gets home.”

Shouto makes a point of not saying anything to that, even though he knows Mitsuki cooks less than he does.

“I can drive you home if you want, it must be cold out.”

“It’s okay, Shouto, I drove here. I wish your manners rubbed off on Katsuki at least.” They share a laugh at the admission.

He walks her to the door where she pulls him into a second embrace and tells him to visit them anytime he wants, even without telling Katsuki about it. Shouto promises that he will, then greets her goodbye as she walks out the door.

There’s a warm buzzing in his body. That was nice, he thinks. He didn’t expect for Mitsuki to show up, but he also didn’t expect for Katsuki to get him cake when they spent the night at the hotel in Yokohama, so maybe he shouldn’t underestimate the Bakugous.

They always seemed to go above and beyond for him, their son in particular.

Not long after, his own phone rings and it’s Katsuki again. But it’s a video call. His heart starts racing, and Shouto feels a little embarrassed at the ‘love struck teenager’ reaction he got as soon as his ex-boyfriend called him.

“Yo, Shouto.”

“Hello, Katsuki.”

Not much has changed in his appearance, not that there was time for something to change anyway. He looks just as handsome as he looked when Shouto watched him drive out of his mother’s house parking lot. Just as handsome as he was when he kissed Shouto one last time and hugged him to his chest like he loved him enough to keep him.

He’s not in bed, Shouto can see their, no- Katsuki’s living room wall behind him. He must be sitting on the couch.

“Wanted to call to say happy birthday. Did the hag go home?”

“Thank you, Katsuki. Yes, she just left. You could’ve been a little nicer to her, she bought me cake.” He walks to the kitchen and props his phone against the side of the box, showing off the slice of strawberry shortcake Mitsuki cut for him earlier.

“Shit, I told her not to.”

Shouto’s face falls at that.

“Sorry, is this not okay? I can pay her back for it, I didn’t know it made you uncomfortable.”

He doesn’t know what the proper etiquette between ex-boyfriends should be. If he did, he wouldn’t have accepted the cake, but Mitsuki got it for Shouto on her own accord.

“No no, fuck, that’s not it! You don’t need permission from me to see my parents, god. I told her to sit still so she won’t make you uncomfortable. Didn’t know how you’d feel seeing her and shit.”

“Well, I was a little surprised at first, but you know I like your parents, Katsuki. It was a nice surprise, I haven’t seen your mom in a while.”

“So she didn’t say anything weird?”

He’s so sweet sometimes, when he looks after Shouto like this, even when it comes to his own parents. Shouto thinks he can relate in a way, but only if he were to have let Katsuki alone with Endeavor. Although they’ve both cooled down over the years.

“No, Katsuki. Everything was okay. We talked a little and then she cut me some cake.” Shouto doesn’t mention Katsuki’s phone call, because the other must know how little time has passed between that call and this one.

“What did ya’ talk about? She better not have brought up modeling again.”

“If you wanted to know you should’ve come with her.”

He doesn’t really mean for the words to escape his mouth, but it’s just so easy to slip back into their usual bickering. It must be weird for Katsuki to have his ex-boyfriend insinuate that he wants you to come over to his place, right?

Katsuki is quiet for a short while, eyes shifting over the screen, probably trying to make out if Shouto really meant that or not, when he’s suddenly flipping his camera around. In view come his legs, along with the cast still around his right foot. It’s propped up on a pillow on a stool next to the coffee table.

“Still got this thing on me, can’t really go anywhere with it on.” He flips the camera back so his face comes into view. “Almost fell on my ass when I went to take a shower this morning.”

Shouto has to check his own expression in the top corner of the screen so he doesn’t start smiling like an idiot. He’s missed seeing Katsuki’s face, even if it’s only been three weeks.

“I would’ve liked to see that.”

“What, me in the shower?” Shouto almost sputters at the implication, he should have known how that was gonna sound before he said it out loud.

“No, you falling on your ass.”

“And those idiots still don’t believe me when I tell them you’re just as much of an asshole as I am, halfie.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so. I was nominated for Japan’s Kindest Pro Hero, remember?”

“You know that shit’s fake as fuck, don’t play with me, icyhot!”

They find themselves laughing. Shouto almost feels bad about having to close his eyes because he’s missing the pretty sight that is a smiling Katsuki. He hasn’t seen that expression on him in so long.

“No, they’re real. You’re just jealous.”

His heart rate turns back to normal now that the atmosphere is easy and familiar around them, and Shouto moves to rest his chin on the inside of his palm. A few strands of hair fall over his eyes and he blows on them in hope that they’ll move away.

“Your hair got longer.” Katsuki points out, a mere observation. But it does make Shouto aware of the length of his hair.

Shouto’s kept it the same length he had in high school throughout the years as it was easier to maintain. He considered once letting it grow longer, as Katsuki asked about it one day. Wondered how Shouto would look like with long hair, longer than shoulder length.

But they never really found out, as it would have been more of a hazard during hero work than anything else.

Now, it reaches the base of his neck and curls around his ears, bangs framing his face.

“Oh, I got busy with work and forgot to make an appointment. I also only have the number from the Tokyo barber so that’s also why I forgot about it.”

He messes around with his hair some more, tries to push it back in case it looks bad, but having showered right after finishing work, it’s too soft to stay in place.

“It looks good on you. Told ya’ you’d look good with long hair.”

Shouto allows the hair to fall over his slowly heating cheeks, hopeful that the quality of the video call isn’t good enough for Katsuki to notice his blush.

“Thank you, but I don’t think I’ll be able to keep it this way. It keeps getting in my eyes when I fight.”

“You could tie it at the back, you know how Aizawa-sensei used to do his hair. Or put it up in a ponytail, I’m sure Momo could show you how. Or even your sister.”

Shouto ponders about it. He could, but it would still feel like a big change. When he turns to look back at Katsuki’s face on the screen of his phone, who’s now hundreds of kilometers away from him, he thinks making some changes doesn’t sound that bad.

“I’ll think about it.” Katsuki nods at that, and Shouto feels even better about it.

“Hey, grab a fork. I don’t wanna keep you from eating your cake.”

Shouto looks down at the slice of cake, having almost forgotten about it. For a moment there, Katsuki was more important than his favorite cake on his birthday. He gets up to grab a fork then returns to his seat.

“Do you have something sweet to eat? I don’t wanna be the only one having dessert.”

“I don’t have cake…” Katsuki draws out the last word while looking around the room, probably looking for something that could be considered dessert. He doesn’t have a sweet tooth in particular, but he did use to sneak in sips of Shouto’s sugary drinks whenever they’d go out.

“But I have this.” He grabs something that’s in front of him and brings it closer to his face, showing Shouto a pink box of strawberry pocky. And not even the simple kind, the ones with the chocolate biscuit and freeze-dried strawberry crisps sprinkled on top of the icing.

Shouto’s favorites.

“I thought you didn’t like them…”

Katsuki used to buy them for him, complaining each and every time that Shouto’s eating ‘diabet inducing crap’, but never forgot to buy them whenever he’d hit the corner store. He also doesn’t remember having any left, as neither had time to go to the store for more than groceries, so Shouto had missed out on his snacks in the last few months of last year.

Did Katsuki buy them on accident? Just like Shouto did with the gochujang a few days ago because he was thinking of making mapo tofu, simply because Katsuki likes it.

Did he find a misplaced box in their snack cupboard?

Did he buy them because they remind him of Shouto?

He shrugs, “Saw them at the store and grabbed a few boxes on habit. Then I came home and remembered you weren’t there. I wasn’t gonna waste them.”

He says it so easily, like he isn’t actively toying with Shouto’s heartstrings when he says that he forgot that Shouto doesn’t like there anymore.

“They’re pretty good, actually. I used to eat some of these when you weren’t paying attention.”

Shouto gasps, “I thought I was eating them in the middle of the night and would forget about it in the morning. I didn’t know you were a pocky thief, Katsuki.”

He grins with a pink stick in his mouth, crimson eyes crinkling at the edges, “Guilty as charged, icyhot.”

Oh how Shouto wants to kiss him.

“I bought gochujang on accident a few days ago. I got ingredients for mapo tofu then remembered that I don’t eat spicy food.”

It’s Katsuki’s turn to look stunned. Shouto thinks it’s only fair, with Katsuki being vulnerable and telling him why he’s eating his favorite snack right now on call with Shouto on his birthday, he should be open right back.

He tells himself it’s part of the healing process. A part of them learning how to be just friends again.

“You do eat spicy, you used to eat mapo tofu every time I’d make it.”

“Yes, but you made my serving mild.” It’s not like Shouto can’t withstand the heat of the spice, but he also prefers to have his food not attack his tongue each time he eats. Katsuki doesn’t mind it. Shouto learned that his mouth tingles every time Katsuki kissed him after they’d eat.

They talk some more, Shouto filling him in on what went down at the New Year party and how he’s been warming up to the new pro-heroes working at the Musutafu agency. Katsuki doesn’t interrupt, just sits there and listens to him talk, then talks about what he’s been doing himself, how the new interns are getting on his nerves and how much paperwork he still has to get done.

“Am I keeping you from work? You can hang up if you’re busy.” He’s already finished his slice of cake and is now reaching into the box for a second one. He doesn’t miss the way Katsuki raises an accusative eyebrow at that.

“Nah, I’m done for today. I have time for a call, m’not as busy now with a busted leg as I used to. And you look like you need some company, why are you alone today anyway?”

“Oh, everyone else was busy, but I’m going over to my mom’s place on Saturday. My siblings called earlier today.” He cuts a half of a strawberry with the side of his fork then pops it into his mouth. “And I didn’t feel like doing anything today. Not in the mood to squeeze a bunch of people in here.”

“Wanna watch a ghibli movie then? I have the evening free, don’t got anywhere to run to.”

Shouto snorts at the pun, feeling a little giddy at getting to spend the evening with Katsuki. It feels a little like they’re biting more than they can chew, but surely, if Katsuki felt uncomfortable, he wouldn’t have suggested it.

“Sure, let me just grab my laptop and I’ll get settled on the couch too. My butt hurts from this stool.” He hears Katsuki laugh through the small speaker of his phone and smiles at the sound of it.

Shouto thought he’d be alone for his birthday this year. He really thought Katsuki would just miss out on it now that they’re not dating anymore.

He’s happy he was wrong this time.

_____________

After falling asleep while facetiming Katsuki on his birthday, they start texting more often. At least, more than they did after breaking up.

Now Shouto goes to work, hangs out with his friends after his shift is over, then comes home and recounts his day to Katsuki. They mostly talk about what they do throughout the day, what’s new at the agency, any villains they’ve caught. It’s almost like they’re back to normal, partially.

There’s still an urge in Shouto to send Katsuki the occasional photo. He used to do that whenever he’d crave his boyfriend’s attention, send a blurry selfie that will almost always be followed by a demand for a better picture, then either a genuine compliment that would get Shouto smiling up to his ears, or a teasing remark that more often than not meant Katsuki was on his way to his office.

They still bicker and poke fun at each other, but it’s clear they’re both holding back. Something Shouto has to bite his metaphorical tongue and refrain from sending a text that would have been appropriate half a year ago, but now would make him look desperate.

It’s not like he’s deliberately trying to be difficult, or make Katsuki feel guilty or weird. It’s just that, he can’t simply turn off his feelings for him. It’s not that easy. And when Katsuki is reaching out to him, actually engages in their conversations over text and doesn’t do that thing he does when he wants it to end and sends mostly one word answers, it’s hard to put a stop to how Shouto feels about him.

Yes, Katsuki broke them up, along with Shouto’s heart. But they both agreed to it, both knew that if they continued staying together it would have drained them completely. And it’s not uncommon, to still have feelings for your ex-partner shortly after breaking up.

Only, it’s been more than a month now and Shouto still hasn’t lost the urge to text Katsuki at 2am that he wants a kiss. Or a hug. Anything really. To feel the warmth of his body close.

Aside from that video chat, they haven’t seen each other since December. Shouto doesn’t know how things will go when they’ll happen to meet up in person. If maybe Katsuki only feels comfortable to talk through calls and text.

He knows realistically, Katsuki won’t change how he treats Shouto, because from what he’s seen, he still treats him normally. Like he did in high school before they got together, only without the anger rooted teenage pride bubbling up in him.

Going out and meeting up with his old classmates has been like a breath of fresh air from the unending work hours. He now frequents a small café in the morning with Kirishima and another colleague from their agency, attends karaoke night organized by Mina and Hagakure who invite each time a handful of people from their old class and even class B students on the off chance.

It’s given him plenty of reasons to not hole up alone in his apartment.

Since he got transferred to the Musutafu agency, there’s less work for him to do than when he was in Tokyo, but that also doesn’t imply that he can slack off. He was assigned a new group of interns to work with, first years from UA, and is now pulling a few extra hours to make sure thy get the proper hero training they need for beginners.

During the day he forgets that for the past few years there used to be a time when Shouto had someone waiting at home for him or who’d come and pick him up from work so they can have lunch together just the two of them. He’s distracted from the memories of a warm bento thrusted in his hands along with a saccharine kiss on his cheek.

It only hits him late at night when he comes back to his empty apartment and locks eyes with the cat wooden carving and the photo of him, Katsuki and his parents that he’s hung up on the hallway wall. Arguably, he knows he’s not alone. But he feels as such, when at night he has to prop up one of those big pillows against his back because the other half of it feels too empty.

Certainly, this absence in his life it’s something he has yet to get adjusted to, but it’s not as easy as Shouto promised himself to be. He’ll be fine, then find himself in the morning, shifting around in bed searching for Katsuki’s warm body to tangle with. Getting off stopped feeling pleasurable and now it’s only to take off the edge, just like it’s been in the months leading up to their breakup.

It the beginning of February and Shouto’s still hung up on his 5-year-long relationship. He’s not quite sure if it should take this long to get over Katsuki, if he shouldn’t be feeling like this after a month and a half, but he’ll give himself more time.

Surely, after seeing Katsuki and finally establishing the boundaries of “just friends” face to face, things will get easier. He wants to believe so.

Shouto gets the opportunity to join Kirishima on a mission in Tokyo one week later. They’ve been sent to aid a fellow team of heroes in Tokyo with a group of pesky villains and the two of them were the better fitting duo apparently.

Izuku’s already called him to ask Shouto if he’s the one they’re sending over, sounding overly enthusiastic over the phone at the chance of them meeting up. It has been quite a while since he’s seen Midoriya, so he’s looking forward to it as well.

Someone else he’s no doubt going to run into, is Katsuki. He shouldn’t be as nervous about it as he is now, but it’s just an intense feeling. Like he’s stuck in an elevator that’s freefalling from the sky into the center of the earth. He recalls feeling like this on their first date, apprehensive to not screw this up, hesitant that something might happen and it’ll prove that Shouto’s not fit for this kind of affection.

But he knows he is, because he’s learned it while being Katsuki’s boyfriend.

“You deserve this, Shouto. Don’t start with that bullshit, just ‘cause you had a shitty childhood doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved when you’re an adult.”

“You’re so fucking kind, Shou. Such a good person and so goddam strong, look at me! I love you, Shouto. And that’s not going to change. Your shortcomings and lack of experience doesn’t mean shit to me ‘cause I have them too. We’ll learn together, alright? You’re not on your own in this.”

Unfortunately, their relationship didn’t always go as swimmingly.

“Don’t fucking give me that shit, Shouto! You know I’m right so stop trying to blow this out of proportion. I’m too fucking tired to keep arguing with you.”

“You gotta understand I’m not here to fuck around, I can’t just skip work because we wanna go on dates. The future number one doesn’t slack off.”

It’s been a learning curve for the both of them, but Katsuki still has his hang ups sometimes, and Shouto does too. They’re too volatile to last forever, that must be it. They’re as different as they are similar, and those characteristics ended up clashing more than clicking together lately.

Doesn’t mean their separation hurts any less.

“Hey, you alright there, Roki? We’re almost there, let me know if you’re not feeling okay so we can announce the medical staff at the agency.” Kirishima nudges his knee from where he’s sitting across Shouto on the train.

“I’m fine, I think I’m just tired. The swaying of the train makes me a little sleepy, I guess.”

He makes sure to straighten up his back and shoot his friend a reassuring smile, he doesn’t want to have Kirishima worry over him.

“That’s good to hear.” He slumps back into his own seat, “Have you and Bakugou talked lately? I couldn’t get ahold of him this morning to tell him we’re coming.”

It’s clear what Kirishima’s trying to do, but Shouto lets it slide. He’s been the only one to not ask any invasive questions about their breakup out of all the colleagues who’ve known about it and wanted to find out what happened from him.

“Yes, we talk almost every day.”

“Oh wow, that’s great! I’m happy you’re still friends, it would’ve majorly sucked if you two stopped keeping in touch.”

That could also be because Katsuki must have briefed him on what happened, and also because he and Kirishima have never been that close really. Shouto was friends with almost everyone in their class, along with the small group that’s more ‘Bakugou’s close friends group’, or how he likes to call them ‘the idiot brigade’. But it’s always been a collective, not an individual specifically with whom he’s been close.

Turns out Kirishima on his own is also good company, and much quieter than when he’s with Kaminari, Ashido and Sero. Not to say he’s on Shouto’s level of quiet, sure he’s energetic, but knows when not to push.

“You’re kind of like Bakugou, did you know that, Roki?”

“Hmm, how so?”

“He’s also quiet when we hang out, but doesn’t shy away from speaking his mind. Although you don’t scream threats at Kaminari.”

“Do you really think so? Everyone says we’re complete opposites.”

“I guess on the surface. But trust me, you’re more alike than you think, at least that’s how I see it after hanging out with both of you.” Kirishima then got close to him and put a hand around his mouth, “You can also get pretty scary when you’re angry, so I’d say that fits the bill.”

With time, Shouto did discover how many similarities there are between him and Katsuki and how, despite his strong outbursts, he wasn’t a constant ball of anger ready to explode at any moment.

“I’m a little nervous.”

Shouto confesses, on a whim of confidence. He isn’t certain Kirishima won’t tell Katsuki what they’ve talked about, but seeing as he’s been nothing but understanding, he doesn’t see why he should worry.

He’d found out whenever they’d study together in one of their dorms, when he’d find Katsuki alone in the kitchen and the blond would whip up something for the two of them to eat. When they’d both skip out on late movie nights in the common room in favor of retiring to bed, only to get stuck in the hallways for another hour because they couldn’t finish their previous conversation.

“Why? Because of Bakugou?”

Shouto nods.

“There’s no need, I’m sure he’ll be excited to see you.”

They fit just as well on-field, as his fire is the perfect fuel for Katsuki’s explosions, and Shouto’s ice oftentimes acts as projectile in the aftermaths of an explosion. He wonders if they’ll ever get to work together in the future again, but not just on the off chance of teaming up during a random mission once or twice a year.

“I’m not sure the word ‘excited’ is what I’d use when talking about Katsuki.”

“You guys have been friends since forever. And like you said, the breakup was mutual. Seeing you two still talk, I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.”

It makes sense, Katsuki wouldn’t just switch up on him like that. He’s always been truthful with himself and with Shouto. He wouldn’t pretend to be nice over text then ditch him as soon as they happen to meet up in person.

“Yeah, you’re right. I guess I’m just being a little weird about this whole thing.” Shouto tips his chin up to look at him, “Kirishima, have you ever gone through a breakup before?”

The man across from him purses his mouth, eyes looking out the window. He’s thinking about it.

“I have, but not many. I haven’t been really looking for a relationship really.”

“How did you…how did you and your ex partners go about it? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Kirishima crosses one leg over the other, arms coming to cross over his Red Riot hoodie.

“My first one was pretty ugly. It was with someone from UA, a student from the support course, I don’t think you know them. We were young and dumb and they didn’t like that I was always busy with hero training and internships. We ended up having a fight over it and broke it off.”

“I’m sorry, it must have been hard.”

“Nah, not really. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t that serious. I was still like 16 or something I think.” He slumps further into his seat and Shouto mirrors his pose, getting comfortable. They still have about 30 minutes before they get to Tokyo, he thinks that’s plenty of time.

“My second relationship ended I think after one year and two months? Give or take. It was right after we graduated and I started dating one of the heroes who worked under Gunhead, Ochako introduced us. You remember the guy who could make iron weapons out of his own blood?”

“Was he the one that was a few years older than us?”

“Yeah, him. He ended up cheating on me like halfway through our relationship and would cover it by lying about extra training hours.”

Shouto’s stare hardens.

He remembers not really liking the guy whenever he’d run into him and Kirishima, the way he’d act and talk about their relationship like Kirishima was lucky to be his boyfriend. He chalked it up to a couple of distasteful jokes and to an outgoing personality, but maybe he should have said something, even if he ended up being out of line.

“He’s a jerk, you didn’t deserve to be treated like that, Kirishima.”

Red eyes widen in what looks like shock, followed by an appreciative smile.

“Thanks, bro, I didn’t expect you to be so serious about it. It’s been like four years since then.”

Shouto shrugs, “It doesn’t matter, he should have been faithful, Or at least end things with you before he sought out other people for his own pleasure.” He can’t imagine doing that to his own partner. The thought of him cheating on Katsuki, or it being the other way around, it makes Shouto sick.

“Yeah, he begged me to stay and said he’ll change, but then I found out from Mina that he’d been meeting up with at least 3 other girls who were working at the same agency as us. So I dumped him.”

He offers Kirishima a sympathetic smile, “I hope you find someone who’ll treat you right, Kirishima. You’re a good friend, you deserve that.”

“Aww, thank you, Roki. But, as you can see, you and Bakugou got lucky. Most relationship end up pretty ugly and very few still stay in contact, especially if they weren’t friends beforehand.” He checks his wrist watch then gazes back through the window. They’re almost at the station. “But I knew you’d be fine, Bakugou wouldn’t have hurt you intentionally.”

Yeah, the only thing he did was break Shouto’s heart, but if all the things Katsuki’s told him throughout their relationship still stand, he must have felt just as broken.

“How can you be so sure?”

“Well, for one, Bakugou is my bestest bro and I wouldn’t be best bros with someone who hurts their friends on purpose.” The train stops and Kirishima gets up to grab their overhead bags, “And, just between the two of us,” He leans close to Shouto, “He care about you too much to hurt you, Roki.”

“What- what do you mean by that?”

“I mean, you’re still friends right? Even if you’re not dating anymore, he won’t give up on you. He values your friendship, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.”

Shouto stops him from leaving the train compartment with a hand on his shoulder, making him look back over his shoulder.

“Thank you, Kirishima.”

“Don’t sweat it. I’m just looking out for my friends.”

______________

Shortly after stepping out of the train they’re both paged in and requested to assist a villain takedown in the city center. Heavy rain is pouring down on them, but that is the least of their concerns, particularly when they can already hear booming explosions in the distance.

From what they’ve been briefed one, there’s at least four different quirk users who have been attacking banks and luxury item stores in hopes of hitting the jackpot and gaining a pretty sum of money out of it. So, a bunch of thieves, but ones who use their quirks against whoever tries to get in their way.

With the rain pelting the pavement and getting in his eyes, Shouto makes out what he can when they arrive at the site of the battle. Katsuki’s flinging himself up in the air and shooting explosions at the villains, strategically blasting off chunks from an old abandoned building nearby to use as shield for the villain’s attacks.

“I’ll take care of this guy, Shouto, go help the others!” Red Riot calls his way, body hardened and ready to go. A man with sharp claws and shiny scales charges at him, only to be blocked by the shield of Red Riot’s crossed arms.

He gets into position and scans the perimeter. He needs to find a target quickly, needs to find who’s going to be the weakest against his quirk.

“Die, you piece of shit!” It’s Dynamight whose boisterous voice is heard through the echo of explosions.

He’s throwing blasts at one of the villains – a short guy with neon blue hair and black attire, arms riddled with thin lightning-like scars running down to his hands. Deku is busy restraining a woman who’s got magnetic wheels attached to her legs, no doubt a speed based quirk, while a few other heroes follow the remaining two villains down the street.

Should he go with after them or stay here and help? He could use his ice and freeze everyone to the wet ground, the rain will certainly help with that, but he’s not sure how long it’ll hold them back.

“Shouto, watch out!”

Deku cries out and Shouto turns just in time to catch whatever was flying towards him with his right hand, ice frosting over it – one of the woman’s wheels. Securing it to his hand with ice, Shouto cranes his arm back and aims for the villain, letting the binding frost break as soon as he lets go.

It crashes into her and knocks her out. She tries to get up, but Deku grabs her arm and twists it behind her back, knee digging into her remaining wheel while he encloses both wrists into a pair of quirk canceling cuffs.

“Thanks for the help!”

Shouto nods then turns his attention to Dynamight’s opponent. He’s still not sure what the guy’s quirk is, but Katsuki’s keeping his distance, so it must be a troublesome one if he’s not charging head first to what looks to be a pretty frail looking villain.

Using his ice to scale the abandoned building, Shouto is immediately spotted by the blue haired guy, who raises one arm, wet from the rain, and points his fingers right at him. An electric zap goes through his body, shaking Shouto until his knees wobble. Electricity, similar to Chargebolt’s quirk, but he used the rain to his advantage, shit.

“Oi, icyhot, don’t get in my way!” Dynamight yells out at him, jumping over Shouto with the aid of his explosions to send another blast at the guy.

“I was called in for help, Dynamight. I’m supposed to get in your way.”

“Then you better not whine about it when I singe off your hair, half and half!”

My hair is fireproof, he wants to quip back, but another flash of electricity is sent their way, catching Shouto’s left arm. He dries himself up with his fire as best as he can, but under pouring rain, he can’t do much about it.

They split up to distract the villain and find a way to catch him by surprise, but with his quirk being able to travel through the falling raindrops, it’s a little tricky to find this guy’s blind spot. Shouto manages to lure him atop one of the buildings and away from potential civilians and the remaining villains. Dynamight follows them close behind, jumping through the air with explosions coming from the soles of his feet.

As soon as they’re on top of the building, electricity guy turns his attention to Katsuki. The scars on his body start turning a bright blue, similar to his hair, but they’re glowing and start crackling each time they come in contact with his body. Dynamight shoots a handful of explosions in his direction, one of them catching his foot and causing him to trip, back thudding against a metal construction.

The villain climbs atop it and raises his arms, points one at Dynamight and one at Shouto. He’s already got his ice going, sliding down his body to trap the villain in a casing of ice, but Dynamight jumps in and explodes the metal container he’s standing on.

“Shit, it’s a water tank. Dynamight!”

Shouto knows he’s not heard when Dynamight lands next to the water tank and detonates another explosion, the building under them shaking. The villain falls right into the water through the opening caused by Dynamight’s explosion.

His quirk goes off and Shouto stares as his body starts convulsing violently. Only seconds later, the water calms down and the villain is face down in the water. He can only hope the guy didn’t fry himself to death.

Dynamight walks towards the water tank, cautious at first, but after confirming that the guy isn’t moving anymore, he jumps on the edge and bends down to reach into the water to grab him. Shouto joins and creates a platform out of ice to have something to lay the guy on, when he sees movement out of the corner of his eye.

Right as Dynamight is about to reach into the water, the villain takes out his arm and grabs his hand, ready to pull him underwater. Shouto acts without thinking and ices over his entire upper body in ice and yanks on the villain’s arm, forcing his grip on Katsuki’s hand to loosen.

His quirk goes off, electricity flying everywhere, but Shouto’s already pushed Dynamight with a heated hand out of the way, and watches as the villains body is slowly getting consumed by his ice. Since he had the ice to protect him, only a tiny shock went through his body, nothing too dangerous.

The villain falls back into the water tank, this time as a block of ice. His electricity isn’t strong enough to crack through the thick walls of the casing, so this should hold up until police gets here.

Shouto jumps down from the water tank and is immediately hauled by the collar of hero suit.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, icyhot?”

Shouto squints his eyes, clearly not understanding why Katsuki is so mad at him all of a sudden.

“He was about to shock you, I couldn’t just sit by and watch.”

“I didn’t ask for you help!”

“Did you see how much he charged his quirk? He could’ve stopped your heart, he almost pulled you fully underwater!”

“I told you to not get in my way! Don’t think you can just waltz in hear and steal my win!”

Why is Katsuki screaming at him? Why are they fighting right now? This isn’t how he wanted their first conversation to go after weeks of not seeing each other face to face.

“I was just helping you! Your leg is still healing, you can’t get this reckless!”

Is it that hard to understand? They’ve helped each other countless times, why is this time any different than the previous ones?

Katsuki lets go of him, the momentum making Shouto stumble back.

“You should’ve stayed in Musutafu, I had this guy covered.”

Shouto’s heart sinks. His ears start ringing.

There’s no way- there’s no way Katsuki meant that

It’s Shouto who steps closer this time and squares his shoulders in front of Katsuki, cold eyes falling on a blood red gaze rimmed by a sopping wet black mask. He’s glaring at Shouto, but it doesn’t intimidate him. He’s had that stare directed his way for years now.

“Stop being fucking ridiculous, Katsuki, you know he would have gotten you if I hadn’t intervened.”

“I didn’t need your help.” He grits out through his teeth.

“Fuck you, Bakugou!”

Shouto doesn’t even see it coming, he punches him right in the face. As soon as his fist makes contact with Katsuki’s cheek, he pulls back as if he’s been burned. He hears his palms sparking, but with how heavy the rain has gotten, they die right out. His chest is heaving and Katsuki is panting in front of him, cheek a stinging red like he just face-planted into concrete.

An apology is right on the tip of his tongue, but the bitter look in Katsuki’s eyes clogs his throat. He watches as the blond spits out blood then turns his back to Shouto and jumps of the building, catching himself with an explosion.

What the fuck did he just do?

Katsuki hates the rain, he should’ve remembered that.

________________

He’s walking out of the agency showers when he hears Kirishima and Katsuki talking.

“Oh shit, bro, the villain got you good?”

“What are you talking about, shitty hair?”

“Your face, you’ve got a bruise under your eye. Did he punch you?”

Shouto winces, he doesn’t know what came over him. He’s never hit Katsuki like that outside of sparring. He really shouldn’t have, and not because he can’t take it, but because Katsuki didn’t raise his fist at him. All he did was scream in his face and tug at his suit, but he wasn’t going to actually hit Shouto.

What he did isn’t justified, but he got angry. He got angry at Katsuki…who also got angry over something stupid.

He knows he shouldn’t jump in and ‘save’ Katsuki, because their main tasks are to catch the villains and watch their own backs. But if Shouto hadn’t acted, he could have gotten seriously injured.

The initial shock of the villain’s quirk was clearly a decoy to try and make them think he was passed out. They should have realized that, no doubt he’s immune to his own quirk just like their bodies are. But Katsuki’s body isn’t, so Shouto isn’t going to apologize for intervening and saving him.

Though he should apologize for punching him.

This is why they had to break up, thy end up getting angry at each other and if one of them loses their cool…it’s not going to end up well.

“I blasted a wall and a chunk of it hit me in the face. Doesn’t hurt that much.”

Why did Katsuki lie?

“Make sure you ice it, or else it’ll get swollen.”

“As if I don’t know, dumbass.” Shouto hears more rustling and the sound of a locker door shutting. “Go ahead, Kiri, I’ve still gotta take a shower.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you in the cafeteria. Tell Izuku and Roki to meet us there!”

He doesn’t hear Katsuki’s response and Shouto’s about to walk out from behind the wall separating the lockers and the showers when the blond runs into him.

“Watch where you’re going, icyhot.” His voice is ragged and his eyes don’t even meet Shouto’s.

“Wait, Katsuki,“

“What do you want?”

He turns around so fast that Shouto has to take a few steps back so they don’t knock into each other.

Katsuki’s blonde mane is tamed down by the rain water, ends darker than the roots. Crimson eyes narrow at him, he’s no doubt pissed off at Shouto, and the bruise under his eye is glowing a deep reddish-purple under the glaring light above them.

“I’m sorry for punching you. It wasn’t the appropriate response and me getting angry doesn’t excuse what I did.”

He can see Katsuki’s brooding posture frail at the edges, but he keeps his jaw clenched and chin sticking up.

“Like I said before, I acted without thinking. I didn’t want you to get hit with that quirk, we don’t know how high the voltage could have been.”

“I’ve gotten zapped before by dunce face’s quirk.” Katsuki says, defiantly, as if he doesn’t want to acknowledge how dangerous the shock would have been with so much water surrounding them.

“This isn’t the same as Kaminari’s quirk and you know it.” Shouto sighs, exhausted at their pointless back and forth. “Why can’t you let it go this time? Is it because it was me specifically? Am I the problem here?”

Katsuki huffs out a deep exhale through his nose, eyes darting around the shower room.

“S’not that, I just fucking hate it when you jump in like that.” His words are barely audible, like he’s straining himself to talk, like his mouth is wired shut.

“I wasn’t going to sit there and watch him electrocute you, Katsuki.”

“You have no responsibility over keeping me safe! I could’ve taken care of myself, asshole!”

He yells again, voice breaking halfway. His fists are now popping with small explosions, but he’s keeping them at waist level, doesn’t raise them up to Shouto’s face.

“Katsuki, I don’t want to fight.” Shouto eyes his posture, noting how exhaustion exudes off his body, “And I know you don’t want to either.”

“What do you know, half and half bastard?”

With a sigh, he steps closer and brings a chilly hand to Katsuki’s cheek. If it weren’t for the adrenaline from their earlier fight, Shouto’s heart wouldn’t have handled this close proximity. Against his will, Katsuki leans into the cold touch, bruised skin throbbing under the touch of Shouto’s palm.

“I know that we both went too far and that I’m sorry for punching you. I shouldn’t have done it.”

Katsuki lets out a shuddering breath, but his jaw is still painfully clenched and his skin wrinkles with how hard he’s squeezing his eyes.

“I’m sorry too. I was being an asshole about it. In the moment, I thought he got you. And that you’d gotten fucking electrocuted because you pushed me out of the way.”

Oh, so that’s why Katsuki reacted so badly

“I used my ice so the shock wasn’t as powerful as he intended it for it to be.”

Katsuki pulls back and Shouto’s hand falls between them, but he’s lightly smirking, which means things are better now.

“You’re making me an ice compress for my bruise, Shouto. You gotta take responsibility for shit like this.”

He’s pointing to the bruise, but he’s grinning, so Shouto nods and walks out into the locker half of the changing rooms and starts putting on the change of clothes he brought with him.

Katsuki finishes his shower quickly, always efficient, and comes back already dressed. Shouto almost lets his displeasure show on his face, he’s never one to say no to a peak of Katsuki’s back muscles, but he knows how inappropriate it would be now.

Remembering what was requested of him, Shouto gets up to grab one of the new towels provided by the agency, still in its protective packaging, and rips it open. He creates a lump of ice which he secures inside the towel, then ties the ends together.

“Katsuki, here-“

“Don’t leave your shit behind, Shou.” His bag collides with his chest, but Katsuki doesn’t let go until he sees Shouto reach out to grab it. In return, he takes the ice-towel from him and presses it to his cheek with a low sigh. “Let’s go in the cafeteria, losers are waiting for us.”

Shouto zips up his bag and throws it over his shoulder before following Katsuki out into the agency hallway. “I’m telling Kirishima and Izuku you called them losers.”

“No you won’t. I’m telling Izuku you’re the one who spilled coffee on his All Might comic book.”

“You wouldn’t- Katsuki, get here!”

Shouto ends up chasing him down the hall all the way to the cafeteria where Midoriya and Kirishima wave them over with similar grins plastered on their faces. Lunch goes by quickly and Shouto enjoys himself. He thought it’d be more nerve wracking to see Katsuki again, but it turns out that all they needed was to let out a bit of steam and they’re now back to how they were.

Well, without the stolen glances and hidden hand-holding under the table.

But this is good too. He gets to talk and joke with his friends without feeling like his chest is getting crushed from nerves, and he gets to hear Katsuki’s laughter for real this time, not through the static-y speaker of his phone.

They part ways at the train station where Izuku promises that the four of them will hang out again soon enough.

On the train when Shouto zips open his bag to retrieve his water bottle, his hand meets a small cardboard box. He lifts it out halfway and is met with a pink package and the image of strawberry pocky printed on the front.

Katsuki gave him the bag before they walked out of the locker room

With a poorly concealed smile, Shouto puts the box of pocky back inside his bag and turns to look out the window. He’ll thank Katsuki later, if he doesn’t get home too late maybe he’ll call him.

God, he really wanted to kiss him today, more than he wanted to punch him.

__________________

People start asking Shouto out.

Rumor must have spread around that pro-heroes Shouto and Dynamight aren’t dating anymore and now everyone is trying to get their chance. Neither of them have come out with a statement about it, didn’t feel like this was something they had to announce for the sake of the public, even if said public did know about their relationship.

That, as well, was not officially announced, more like the media stalked them enough to sneak in a photo of them on a date holding hands so Katsuki decided to ‘stake his claim on Shouto’ publicly so he kissed him in front of no short than two dozen cameras.

The public either put two and two together because they stopped posting photos together on their social medias – not that he and Katsuki were ever big on that – or because Shouto moved to a different city and switched agencies.

He turns them all down. Every one of them, even the ones he generally wouldn’t mind taking a second glance at.

None of them are Katsuki.

And he knows, he knows he’s supposed to get over him. He’s supposed to not think about Katsuki and have his cheeks flush and his thighs rubbing and his heart racing like he’s a love struck high schooler again.

But it’s hard. It’s hard to get over Katsuki when he was – and still is – everything Shouto could ever ask for and didn’t know he needed at the same time.

He’s the love of his fucking life and Shouto is supposed to get over him.

So he says ‘no, thank you, I’m not interested’ to every stranger who tries to strike up conversation with him and to every colleague who thinks he’s going to strike luck by inviting Shouto to dinner in the agency breakroom. He doesn’t even think he knows their names, of the colleagues, let alone the people at the bar.

He even gets chocolates for Valentine’s Day from a significant number of fans and colleagues, which he donates or leaves it at the agency cafeteria for everyone to suit themselves to something sweet.

Shouto keeps the ones he gets from his friends and has to precariously stack them in the pantry, because there’s no more space in his small kitchen for that many boxes of chocolate. Katsuki sends him a photo of a bunch of chocolate boxes piled up on his office desk, followed by a text.

Katsuki: I hate this fucking holiday

Me: I like the free chocolate, but I think it’s making me sick

Katsuki: remember when you gave me chocolates in high school and you were the one who ended up eating them?

Me: You said I could have them. And you had some too, we shared them, don’t try and put the blame on me.

Katsuki: yeah, you gave me the ones you didn’t like

Me: But you liked them, so I don’t see the problem 😺

He knows exactly what Katsuki is talking about, but they’re both omitting a very important aspect; the way they shared the chocolates wasn’t exactly the way friends share food.

Shouto recalls how Katsuki grabbed him by the back of his neck and pressed their lips together, licked into his mouth tasting the melted chocolate inside.

“There, now it’s fair. You got those chocolates for me after all. Shouldn’t I be the one eating them?”

“Then come here and have a taste, Katsuki.”

It’s a little beyond Shouto, how many times they end up alluding to one of their more intimate moments while talking, but it only makes sense since they’ve been together for so many years. They’ve been boyfriends for longer than they’ve been friends, so he shouldn’t be surprised that most of their memories together include PDA and things beyond that.

Me: Do you remember Recorder?

Katsuki: the guy who eats cassette tapes?

Me: He doesn’t eat them, but yes. He asked me out on a date earlier this week.

It takes a longer while for the next text from Katsuki to come in, the three bubbles popping up and disappearing every other beat.

Katsuki: what did you say?

Me: I turned him down. I’m not interested in going on any dates right now.

Katsuki: some extras asked me out today too, said they ‘tried their luck’ because today’s bullshit valentines

Shouto’s heart is high in his throat and he doesn’t know why- why the idea of Katsuki going out on dates almost causes a bile reflux in his stomach. When he notices his palm sweating he wipes it off on his pants.

Katsuki: told them to fuck off

The knot around his throat loosens up and Shouto feels like he can breathe again. He has no right to show any aversion to Katsuki wanting to find someone else, or to just go out on dates for fun. Or even, even take people home for the night, in the bed he used to share with Shouto…

It’s been only two months since they broke up, and while he’s not as distracted as before, isn’t visibly hurting over their breakup, it’s too early for Shouto to even consider looking for a new partner.

And the thought of being naked and vulnerable in front of a stranger…it doesn’t sit right with him. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to relax enough, to get in the right mood for things to go the way they’re supposed to go if it’s someone he doesn’t know. Even if he had to take a friend home for a no-strings-attached thing, it still feels weird to him.

He can’t imagine himself wanting to have sex with anyone else but Katsuki right now.

Me: So we’re both spending Valentine’s Day alone with too much chocolate?

Katsuki: maybe you are, I’m dumping this shit in the trash

Me: Someone paid for that, at least give it to Izuku.

Katsuki: don’t get so worked up, halfie, I was gonna give it away. We’re visiting preschoolers today with dunce face and the nerd today. Ponytail’s coming too, with Ears.

Me: Okay, have fun! Text me when you get home.

It’s a habit by now, one he developed years ago after they graduated and moved into separate apartments. They’d always text to let each other know they got home safely, even if it wasn’t always necessary.

Katsuki: what, scared the preschoolers might kidnap me?

Me: You better watch out, they love to bite.

Katsuki: I’ll just bite them back

Me: Please don’t.

Shouto ends up spending his Valentine’s Day night with his face stuffed in a pillow, ass raised up and a toy buzzing inside him. He tries very hard but fails to not think about how good Katsuki would feel inside him in that very moment.

Three orgasms later, he lands on his back, sweaty and tired out of his mind, but still feeling unsatisfied and terribly empty. He drags himself to the shower and scrubs at his body until his skin turns an irritated red.

His bed is too big that night, too big and too empty and too cold, no matter how much Shouto uses his fire quirk to warm himself up.

__________________

Shouto meets up with Katsuki again in March.

He’s just come to Musutafu to visit his parents at Mitsuki’s insistence and decided to swing by the agency he’s working at. Shouto already paid his parents a visit a week ago with his mom and they had a very nice dinner together. Katsuki still makes fun of him for hanging out with ‘old people’.

They didn’t have much time to talk, a mere 30 minutes, but it was enough for them to catch up on things. Shouto doesn’t feel as hung up on Katsuki as he used to be a few weeks ago, but his heart still melts like goo and his body turns to mush when they’re standing close to each other.

His chest turns into a furnace when Katsuki leans forward to give him a hug when they’re about to part ways, and his heart flutters in delight when he squeezes Shouto close to his chest.

It’s supposed to be a friendly hug, but it always ends up turning into a too-long embrace that’s nowhere near how Shouto hugs his other friends.

But he’s going to let himself indulge in this. He’s been so deprived of physical affection lately that he’ll take anything Katsuki is willing to give him.

And he feels so pathetic sometimes, because he knows he can just look for someone else to date and he’ll get his fill of cuddles and touches and whatever else he wants if he tries to. But something is holding him back.

Something loud and stubborn and imposing that shines bright like the burning surface of the sun.

Someone who used to yell at him then kiss him like Shouto was everything to him and he would rather lose a limb than let go of him.

Someone who let him go because they were both hurting and couldn’t stand seeing Shouto sad, couldn’t stand getting mad at Shouto because their work hours sucked and they’d gotten to their limit because of it.

Someone Shouto doesn’t think he will ever stop loving.

_______________

In April, Katsuki texts him again. He was expecting this, because it’s past the middle of the month and Shouto’s been racking his brains for what to buy for him.

Katsuki: hey, what are you doing on the 20^th?

Me: I’m free then, it’s my free weekend. Why?

Why he asks, as if he even needs to. He knows why Katsuki’s asking Shouto if he has any plans on his birthday.

Katsuki: the idiots roped me into holding a party or something for my birthday over at our place

Katsuki: *my place

It shouldn’t, but it still hurts Shouto when he sees Katsuki referring to his apartment as theirs still.

Katsuki: do you want to come?

Katsuki: you don’t have to bother with buying gifts, I’m just gonna make something to eat and maybe we’ll play a stupid board game. Mina wants to do karaoke but the neighbors are gonna throw a fucking fit over it so I’m not letting her bring that thing here

Me: I’ll be there. Thank you for inviting me.

He doesn’t ask Katsuki if he’s sure he wants him there, because he’s learned with time that Katsuki doesn’t do things h doesn’t want to do, and that no one could have put him up to this. If he really didn’t want Shouto there, he wouldn’t have invited him.

He’s happy Katsuki still wants him around for his birthday.

While they were still dating Katsuki would fight with Izuku over his birthday so many times. Would say that he doesn’t need a party, then lean close to whisper in Shouto’s ear how all he wanted was ‘you in my bed, princess’.

How he’d tell Shouto at night when they’d be tangled under the sheets how everything he could ever wish for is Shouto and how he doesn’t want anything or anyone else.

Katsuki: cool, it starts at 6pm, but if ya want you can show up earlier, in case you don’t wanna be bombarded by the idiot brigade first thing when you get here

Me: Okay, I’ll call you if I’m coming by earlier. Should I bring anything?

Katsuki: just yourself, pretty boy

Shouto stares at the screen, then stares some more, waiting for Katsuki to do something like delete the text or send another one saying that it was a typo. When none of that happens, he drops his phone in his lap and drags both hands over his face.

Is Katsuki flirting with him?

Is this supposed to still be flirting or is Katsuki mocking him?

It’s been so long since Katsuki called him that, Shouto almost forgot the shiver that runs down his spine at that nickname. That one, and a few other. Fuck, he really needs to get it together, lest he makes a fool of himself at Katsuki’s birthday, almost five months after their breakup.

Secretly, Shouto still wishes that Katsuki’s birthday wish never actually changed.

________________

He gets there on time, no matter how tempting Katsuki’s offer to come early sounds.

Shouto would rather get there after everyone else has arrived than draw in any suspicious as to why he’s a whole hour – or more – early. They’re still friends, so that wouldn’t necessarily be too weird, but Shouto isn’t sure he’d know what to do with himself if he were to be alone with Katsuki in what used to be their shared apartment for a good part of their relationship.

That’s not to say Shouto can’t hold himself back, or that he’s not sure if he can be trusted around Katsuki or any of that, he’s really feeling better now. As it’s been enough time to process their breakup and get comfortable with being friends again, Shouto can admit that he’s over it, for the most part.

But a part of him still holds Katsuki dear to his heart and it’s not like he could just get over him, as easy as he got over the heartache that was their breakup. Every time he sees Katsuki it’s like he’s taking a breath of fresh air. Like he’s coming back home after being away for so long, despite Shouto’s home now being his small one-bedroom apartment.

He’s let inside by Katsuki, who’s dressed in his favorite wine colored button up shirt, sleeves rolled up because he’s still got his weird thing about clothes being too constricting. His hair catches under the light when his eyes fall on the gift bag Shouto’s holding with one hand, he must have styled it with something.

“Hello, Katsuki. Happy birthday!”

As soon as Shouto says the words he’s being hit with the memory of last year when he whispered these exact words into the nape of Katsuki’s neck before he brought their mouths together for a ‘good morning’ kiss.

“Thanks, Shouto. Don’t just stand there, come in.”

This time around, he’s only pulled into a brief hug – which is already more than he anticipated he’d get – and a warm hand on his back guiding him inside.

He can hear music coming from further inside the apartment, along with the loud chatter of their friends. As far as Shouto can see from their genkan which is separated by a thin wall, nothing much has changed in here.

On the rack of shoes, Katsuki’s are still occupying only half of it – the left side – while their friends’ footwear is lined up next to it. Even the doormat in the hallway is still the one they bought together when they’d gone furniture shopping, the one with a black grumpy cat in the corner.

“I told you to not bother with buying gifts.”

“I didn’t want to come empty handed, it’s rude. And it’s something you’ll like, I promise.”

Katsuki shoots him a defeated smile, knowing that there’s no arguing when it comes to this. After all, Shouto wanted to repay him for the cake on his birthday and for spending almost his entire day with him.

“Then might as well open it.”

“Now? Don’t you want to wait to open all of them together?”

He knows Katsuki must have told everyone else to not get him a present, but he’s already heard from Izuku and Kirishima that they both got Katsuki something, so at least he’s not the only one who brought a gift.

“You know I hate when y’all make me do that shit when I open gifts and you sit around and watch me like I’m some fucking exhibit. I already opened the rest when I got them.”

Shouto watches him unwrap his gift, a little reminiscent of their small exchange in the car back in December, and his smile widens in time with Katsuki’s eyes.

“Shit, these are neat, Shou. Where’d you get ‘em?”

“There’s a new support team at my agency and I had them put this together.” Shouto takes the support equipment from Katsuki’s hands – protective goggles attached to a pair of soundproof headphones – and explains what all the little buttons on the side do.

“The goggles have infrared vision built in for nighttime and the headphones are both soundproof and sound enhancing. I know your explosions have gotten quite damaging for your hearing, and you need protection for your eyes when you fly, apart from your mask.”

Katsuki scans it all around, secures it on his head and tinkers around with the buttons.

“I had them paint it black with orange accents, so it fits with your suit. I hope you’ll find use out of it, I didn’t know what else you might need…”

One year for Katsuki’s birthday, aside from the secret party organized by their friends and the quaint dinner for just the two of them, Shouto bought a lingerie set for him to wear that night. He’d been looking for months at online stores, asked Momo how to take his own measurements and what size would fit him the best.

It was more of a gift for the both of them, but Katsuki thoroughly enjoyed it, if the new silk pieces he got for Shouto only weeks after were anything to go by.

“I’ll have to run a few trials with this, but it’s a really fucking good piece. I’ve been thinking of getting something like this, my ears keep ringing lately after I use my quirk.”

Shouto frowns, worried that Katsuki’s quirk has been taking quite the toll on his body, but doesn’t make a move to get closer to him. He almost does it, instinct he tells himself, but holds himself back.

Their conversation is cut short when Kaminari comes looking for Katsuki and finds them both in the entryway. He then drags the two of them inside, going on about how it’s been so long since he last saw Shouto and that he needs to join their next round of Uno and Drinks.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, sparky, I ain’t cleaning up after you if ya’ throw up on my couch.”

“I knooow, I told you I wasn’t going to drink that much. These barely have any alcohol in ‘em. Get off my back, Kacchan.”

Kaminari swings a bottle of pink liquid inside, its label showing a bunch of fruits on the fruit, so Shouto guesses it must be some sort of cocktail or punch. They never really had much alcohol at either of their birthdays along the years, Katsuki doesn’t like to drink till he’s drunk and Shouto would rather nurse one or two glasses of good wine throughout the whole night instead of something else.

Mina pats the spot on the couch next to her and calls Shouto to sit next to her, then she tells him the rules of the game. They go through a few rounds after he gets the hang of it, and in the meantime Momo and Jirou arrive.

As subtle as he can be, Shouto looks around the apartment trying to find something, anything that might have changed after his move.

All he can find is the absence of his own belongings, and apart from that, everything is still the same as it was when he used to live here. There’s a new picture hanged on the wall, the same one Mitsuki gave him on his birthday – the group photo of the four of them – and he also spots the snow globe he gifted Katsuki on Christmas holding up a few of the books on the shelf.

It’s not like there was anything wrong with their apartment before and Katsuki never complained about how they decided to decorate it. It just made sense in Shouto’s head that he might want to change things here in there after his leave. Maybe not.

After making sure he exchanged words with everyone there, Shouto gets up from his seat under the excuse of wanting a glass of water. He knows there’s drinks already laid out on the coffee table – Katsuki’s always been a thorough host – but the same host has been holed up in the kitchen alone for the better 15 minutes, no doubt making the finishing touches on their dinner.

“Do you need help?” Shouto asks as soon as he walks inside the kitchen, the aromatic smell of Katsuki’s home cooked food causes his stomach to grumble.

“I’m almost done, but if you want you can start setting up the table. Nerd got here before I could get to that.” Katsuki throws over his shoulder, not even needing to look around to know who he’s talking to right now.

They’ve always been a team, on field and out of it, and this used to be something they’d do often. Shouto would help start dinner then clean up around while Katsuki handled the rest of it. He’d set the table and help Katsuki plate everything for their guest – or just for the two of them. It was a good and efficient system, especially after Shouto got better in the kitchen himself. He never knew how much he’d enjoying cooking alongside Katsuki.

When he passes the kitchen counter, Shouto spots a pot of homemade soba noodles left in the sink, in a makeshift ice bath, to cool. Katsuki has never made soba noodles for himself, he’s always prepared them for Shouto specifically.

So why…why now? Why on his birthday? Why would he go out of his way to prepare another dish when he’s already cooked so much food? As far as Shouto knows, none of their friends here like cold soba, even less as much as he does.

Katsuki surely must have seen him halt at the sight of the cold noodles, but he doesn’t say anything, just turns back to whatever he’s got going on the stove. He forgets all about the glass of water he supposedly went in the kitchen for, only for Katsuki to hand him one by the time he’s coming back.

“How did you-“

“This apartment’s not that big, I heard you say you were coming into the kitchen for water.”

“Thanks.”

Katsuki side steps him and goes out with the first dish, yelling at their friends to “Stop fucking around and come eat!”. Despite not being told to, Shouto returns to the kitchen and helps set the rest of the side dishes on the table, getting a bewildered look from Katsuki and a curious gaze from Izuku.

He can’t really help it, not when it still somewhat feels like this is his apartment as well and because he can’t just sit around and watch Katsuki do all the work. It’s his birthday after all, he should be the one served, not the other way around. Although this is his way of showing that he’s thankful for his friends having come together for his birthday and because he’s a perfectionist who’d rather do everything on his own to make sure it’s perfect.

Because they’re the last ones to take their seats, he ends up sitting next to Katsuki at the table. And because there’s quite a few people there, Shouto’s leg is pressed up against his under the table. Despite it, Katsuki doesn’t move away.

“How is it?” He leans in to ask Shouto when he grabs a hefty serving of cold soba.

The moment he takes a bite, a delightful thrum courses through him. It’s just as good as he remembers it to be, and not even the one at the hole in the wall noodle place next to his agency manages to make it this good.

“It’s delicious, as it’s always been. Thank you for making it.”

“Why are you thanking me, halfie?”

“Because I’m the only one eating it, no one else has helped themselves to it.” He tilts his head to point at the rest of the table, where everyone else has grabbed a little bit of everything that there is except for the soba. Katsuki huffs under his breath and averts his eyes. He thinks he sees the tips of his ears reddening. Ah, he’s been caught.

“Don’t make a big deal out of it, I still had some leftover buckwheat flour.”

“Does that mean I can take some to-go?” They’re whispering to themselves now, but everyone else is engaged in their conversation, so he doesn’t think anyone will point them out for being ‘secretive’.

“If you help with cleanup after, I’ll think about it.”

That’s pretty much a ‘yes’ from Katsuki, but he’s never really let Shouto have things easily.

Unless it came to his love. That one, he gave Shouto in a heartbeat.

After dinner Izuku and Kirishima bring the cake and start singing ‘happy birthday’ only to be stopped by Katsuki’s glare. He’s never liked the singing part on his birthday, but Kaminari still goes on to finish the song, saying it’s bad luck if they stop halfway.

It’s a coffee cake, because the blond is among the few in their friend group who doesn’t have a sweet tooth – even if he admitted earlier this year to eating Shouto’s strawberry pocky – with shaved chocolate at the top.

“Make a wish, birthday boy!” Mina sing-songs, hands clasped together while they all watch Katsuki getting ready to blow out the candles.

“I’m not making a wish-“

“You have to, bro! You never know if it’s gonna come true otherwise!”

“Shut up, shitty hair!”

“Blow the candles, Kacchan!”

Turning his attention back to the cake, Shouto watches as Katsuki’s face is illuminated by the flickering candle flames, watches as ruby eyes glitter along with the fire. Those same eyes glance at him before Katsuki shuts them close and blows out the candles. A shiver runs down Shouto’s back.

The flavor of the cake is rich and bitter and while it wouldn’t be Shouto’s first choice, he still enjoys and finishes his entire slice. Katsuki is still pressed close to him on his seat, oftentimes turning to Shouto to ask him questions and include him in the conversation.

It’s very much the same as it’s always been at one of these larger hangouts and Shouto doesn’t feel awkward at all. He thought it’d be weird for him to attend his ex-boyfriend’s birthday party, but no one brings it up – although Izuku still throws him inquisitive looks over the table – and it’s just as easy to talk to Katsuki as it was while they were still dating.

Eventually they all trickle back into the living room where a movie is playing in the background for whoever is interested to watch while Kaminari and Mina start another game which they’ve somehow involved with alcohol again. Shouto passes this time and settles in next to Jirou to as she listens to Momo talk about her last mission in South Korea.

Along with the setting sun, people start leaving, some of them alluding to the fact that Katsuki will otherwise kick them out since it’s close to his bedtime. Shouto thinks he should get going too, but he does want the leftover cold soba to take back home if Katsuki is still willing to pack it up for him.

“Shouto-kun are you coming? I can drive you if you want.” Izuku calls out from where he’s lacing his sneakers out in the genkan.

“That’s okay, I’m staying behind to help Katsuki clean up.”

“You don’t have to do that, halfie, I was just messing with ya’.” Katsuki elbows his side as he passes by Shouto to give Izuku his phone, which he almost always forgets on the armrest of their sofa.

“I know, but it’s your birthday, you shouldn’t have to take care of everything on your own.”

Shouto isn’t just saying this because it’s Katsuki, he would have stayed behind to help any of his friends – has stayed behind to help plenty of them in the past, cleaning up helps him unwind after the sometimes-overwhelming party beforehand – but he’s more insistent today since it’s his birthday.

“Alright then, text me when you get home. Are you driving back to Musutafu tonight?”

“No, I’m staying at a hotel overnight. I don’t drive at night if I can avoid it.” After so much socialization, he’s feeling a little sleepy, and driving right now wouldn’t be the best decision to make.

“I’ll talk to you later then. Bye Shouto-kun, bye Kacchan!”

They say their goodbyes to Izuku before Katsuki closes the door behind him, leaving just the two of them alone in the apartment. They get to work quickly after that, rounding the apartment and cleaning up swiftly. Two pairs of hands have always gotten the job done faster.

And if this is Shouto’s way of secretly indulging in past habits, then no one really has to know. Unless Katsuki has figured him out already but isn’t saying anything for his sake.

He’s picking up the last of the napkins from the coffee table when Katsuki emerges out of the kitchen with a bottle of wine. Shouto’s favorite kind.

“Want me to pour you a glass?”

Shouto has to drive back to his hotel tonight, he shouldn’t drink right now. But, he could always take a cab and come back in the morning for his car. The hotel is pretty close by. And maybe if he drinks enough water he’ll be good to go.

“Fill it only halfway, please.”

Katsuki brings out the fancy wine glasses they have, the same set Mitsuki-san gave them as a ‘house warming gift’ when their moved into this apartment. His chest constricts at the reminder, because everything in here is so them. Everything in this apartment screams Katsuki and Shouto, and not just Katsuki, no matter how much of his things Shouto took back with him to Musutafu.

It’s been almost half a year since they broke up, but why does Shouto’s heart start racing when Katsuki settles on the other side of the couch, sideways so he can face Shouto, with his own wine glass in hand, one leg tucked under him?

Why does Shouto angle his own body towards him and lifts his feet on the couch so they’re pressed up against Katsuki’s thigh, with his head resting on the back of the couch?

Why does it feel so easy to fall back into the mold they used to hold just last year?

“How’s work?” Katsuki is the first one to break the silence. He’s swirling the wine in his glass, not having taken his eyes off Shouto.

The attention should feel too much, too intense for him right now, but something about the serenity of the apartment – the apartment that looks the same as Shouto saw when he thought it’d be his last time ever stepping foot in here – and their close proximity, has him preening under Katsuki’s gaze.

“It’s been good actually. I’m not working overtime as much as I used to and the interns are doing great.”

“Me too, after I fucked up my leg, I was forced to stop taking double shifts so I could let it heal.” Katsuki takes a sip, the seam of his lips staining a cherry red, “And I figured I could use the break anyway. It was stupid to flood myself with extra work if I wasn’t taking care of my health. It didn’t ruin my ranking either.”

“So you’re at home more often now?”

“Yeah, I have time to hit the gym now. Even went hiking with shitty hair last weekend.”

“That’s good to hear.” Shouto smiles at him, then brings the glass to take a sip. The sweet, dark flavor coats his tongue, gliding down his throat with only a mild burn. It must have been the pink fruit punch Kaminari had him drink earlier, but he’s suddenly feeling his cheeks flushing.

“What about you? D’you have time to read your manga now?”

“Yeah, I recently picked up another series.”

Along with the new year, Shouto promised himself that he’ll change his work habits and not dedicate his entire time to being a pro-hero. It might be his dream, but just like Katsuki mentioned earlier, they must take care of their health first.

“Planning on getting a cat anytime soon, halfie?”

“I wish, but I don’t think my apartment is big enough for a pet. And I’d still be hesitant to leave it alone in the beginning. I feel like there’s never a right time to get a cat.”

There’s a hand on his knee suddenly, then a thumb starts tracing small circles through the rough fabric of Shouto’s jeans.

“You never showed me your new place.”

Shouto pretends to fix his clothes so he can lean forward – he can’t help it, his body seeks Katsuki’s warmth, and the other isn’t pulling away from the contact – until he’s close enough to drape one leg over his lap.

“You should come over then, one day.”

They’re close, too close for two people who broke up not that long ago, but Shouto likes it. He likes this, the easiness that comes with touching Katsuki. He’s also missed this a lot, missed being able to just scoot next to Katsuki and don’t have anyone question why he’s suddenly glued to his side.

They also shouldn’t be doing this, Shouto was getting better with accepting that they split up and that he’ll have to continue loving Katsuki from behind the ‘just friends’ border for the rest of his life, because there’s no guarantee that getting back together will fix anything.

He doesn’t even know if Katsuki might even want to try again.

“When are you free to give me a tour, pretty boy?”

There it is, that nickname again, and Shouto is now sure that the flush in his cheeks isn’t because of the drinks he’s been sipping on throughout the evening. He’s nowhere near as drunk as he’s feeling right now, and Katsuki isn’t either, but they’re both leaning close into each other’s orbit that Shouto might have guessed they’re not in their right mind at the moment.

“I’ll have to check my schedule first, but you can come over anytime.”

“D’you want me to bring anything?”

Katsuki has taken to whispering now, his empty glass of wine discarded on the coffee table. There’s still one or two gulps of wine sloshing in Shouto’s glass.

“Maybe some cold soba, I’ve been only eating the instant kind for a few months now.”

That causes a laugh to bubble out of Katsuki, who folds into himself as his shoulders start shaking. The arm he had draped across the backrest of the sofa falls forward and touches Shouto’s shoulder. He flinches at the contact, but doesn’t pull away.

Even though he knows he should.

When Katsuki looks up at him and their eyes lock, Shouto feels compelled to move. To do something. He’s telling himself this is wrong, that he shouldn’t take advantage of this opportunity, that they’re only going to hurt each other if they do what Shouto thinks Katsuki wants them to do.

“Hey, Shouto, can I kiss you?

Shouto’s head falls to the side, eyes closing for a brief second.

“We shouldn’t, Katsuki.”

It’s almost the reverse of how their night at the hotel went. When Shouto crowded Katsuki against the door and begged him for one last night together before he was going to drop him off and probably never talk to him again. Obviously, it didn’t turn out like that, but in the moment Shouto could only think of the worst case scenario as his heart was aching to feel Katsuki close one last time.

A hand comes to tangle in his hair – he actually let it grow out and it now reaches his shoulders, curls up into loose waves at the ends – brushing back long locks to uncover his face.

“I know you want to. I saw how you kept looking at me, Shou.”

Anyone with a pair of working eyes would be able to tell how Shouto has been eyeing Katsuki tonight, but who can blame him? After seeing Katsuki in person so sparsely, it feels like he’s getting more attractive every time they see each other. But somehow, he’s still as beautiful as the first time Shouto first realized it.

The first time he came to the conclusion that when he’s not glaring at every breathing thing and doesn’t have smoke coming out of his ears while yelling expletives at their classmates, Katsuki is quite endearing. And physically-compelling, in his own way.

With time, he only became more attractive, more handsome, and even Shouto couldn’t continue denying the way his own body started reacting to Katsuki.

“It’s not that easy, Katsuki.”

Shouto bites his own lip, trying to avoid losing himself in the alluring grip of his eyes, but he fails miserably when the hand in his hair trails lower and starts stroking his cheek. “We shouldn’t…”

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, princess.” He drawls out, voice lowering a few octaves and crawling under Shouto’s skin like he’s stroking at his open heart with his vocal chords. “Remember what you told me that night? It doesn’t have to mean anything, Shou.”

But it’ll mean something to me, Katsuki

Shouto finishes the rest of his wine, but before he could put the glass away himself, Katsuki takes it from his hand and places it next to his own, without even turning to look where it lands.

Now, with his hands unoccupied, Shouto has free reign to touch back or push him away. Long fingers grip the front of Katsuki’s shirt, twisting the fabric like he’s ready to shake him, to make him understand that this isn’t a game for Shouto. He can’t just go around kissing his ex-boyfriend and then fuck off to a different city for a few months without seeing each other.

“Tell me what you wished for.” He breathes out in Katsuki’s face, getting close but not close enough.

“What?”

“When you blew out the candles. Tell me what you wished for.”

“I didn’t wish for anything.” Katsuki scoffs, clearly trying to deflect from the subject, but Shouto sees right through him.

“Bullshit, I know you did.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“It might make me change my mind and I’ll let you kiss me.”

Katsuki takes a deep breath and brings their foreheads together. His hands slide down to Shouto’s waist and grip firmly, almost causing a whine to tumble out of his mouth.

“I wished to have you, Shouto.”

He doesn’t know if the room starts spinning or if he’s the now who’s glitching out of existence.

“For the night?”

“For how long you want to.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Katsuki shrugs, but his grip doesn’t relent, “Then my wish doesn’t come true and that’s that. We’re fine.”

But it’s not fine, I can see it in your eyes, Katsuki.

I can see now how much you want me, but you’re holding back.

We’re both holding back out of fear.

When did we build these walls to separate us?

Weren’t we supposed to be in this together?

“And what if I want more? What then?”

“Then that’s fine too. I might need a few more drinks for that conversation though-“ Katsuki moves to pull back, probably pour himself another glass of wine, but Shouto isn’t having any of that. He’s not going to go over the broken pieces of their relationship with Katsuki drunk.

He hauls him forward and pulls him into a kiss that tastes like coffee icing and sweet wine and Shouto melts into it like Katsuki’s mouth is the first lick of warmth in the hail of a snowstorm. It doesn’t take long for him to reciprocate, to get his hands back on Shouto and pull him closer until their chests are flushed together and he’s tangling his hands back into red and white locks.

“Knew you’d come around, pretty boy.”

Shouto bites his lip in retaliation, feeling the blond’s grin form over his own smile.

“Don’t get cocky about it, Katsuki.”

“Oh I’ll get as cocky as I want. It’s my birthday after all, sweetheart.” He pulls on Shouto’s hair to tilt his head back and expose his neck, to which he attaches his mouth instantly, going straight for the sensitive patch of skin under his ear. “Don’t I get to enjoy my gift?”

He laughs and he doesn’t even know why he does it. Is it the absurdity of the situation? Is it because he’d rather laugh than cry at the torment this man has put him through all this time?

Or is it that even after all this time, even after thinking they’ll never be good for each other again, the moment they come together they’re as good as new?

“Not here, take me to bed, Katsuki.”

At the mention of the bed, Katsuki pulls back to lock gazes again. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t have kissed you if I wasn’t sure. Do you really think I was going to leave after getting to just kiss you?”

“I- I didn’t want to be presumptuous, you bastard. I was playing around earlier, didn’t think you were actually on board with this shit.”

“So you were only taking a chance? Wanted to see if I was as easy as I look?”

Shouto pushes him away until Katsuki falls backwards on the couch, then leans forward to hover over him. Long hair falls in between them and tickles at the frame of Katsuki’s face.

“Were you going to take advantage of me, Katsuki?”

The blond frowns at him and lifts them up on the couch, holding tightly onto Shouto’s shoulders.

“What the fuck, no. You know I would never-“

Shouto laughs, giggles spilling past pink hued lips and Katsuki’s frame relaxes right away.

“You asshole, stop fucking with me!” He punches Shouto’s arm, lightly, and his body sways to one side as he keeps laughing.

“Sorry, I had to get back at you somehow. You looked really distracting all night.”

A tongue comes to swipe over Katsuki’s bottom lip, heterochromatic eyes following the movement closely.

“Yeah? I remember you saying this is your favorite shirt on me.”

“Is that why you wore it today?”

“Maybe. If it got your attention it means it worked.”

Feeling his body relax into the easy atmosphere, Shouto lets his gaze roam all over Katsuki’s body. He looks good, cheeks flushed from the wine or the kissing, he’s not sure, hair a little ruffled and shirt tight around his chest.

Maybe Shouto is making a mistake by letting his eyes linger. Maybe he’s making a mistake by letting Katsuki bring him into another kiss.

But if that’s true, then this is the sweetest mistake he could ever make.

“Are you still up for it, princess?”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“Fuck yeah, I wasn’t kidding when I said I want you.”

Katsuki hauls him from the couch and carries Shouto back to the bedroom – their bedroom – and throws him onto the bed. They don’t waste any time getting each other naked, it’s been too long to care about dragging this out.

And Shouto doesn’t know if this is just them fooling around because it’s Katsuki’s birthday and probably neither of them had time for sex lately, so he’s going to take what he can get.

Although, with the way Katsuki’s eyes don’t leave his all while they’re getting naked, Shouto starts to think he’s going to end up being wrong about that.

He’s safely cradled into the embrace of Katsuki’s arms, long legs bracketing his hips as Shouto seats himself into his lap. They’re both naked and his skin is burning from how much he adores this feeling. The feeling of their bare skin touching.

Yeah, he’s certain now, getting off on his now will never feel as good as having Katsuki touch him.

A brand new bottle of lube is being pulled out of the bedside table – on Katsuki’s side of the bed – and Shouto watches him peel off the packaging and squirt a generous amount on his fingers.

He doesn’t want to think of the implication of a new bottle of lube in there, doesn’t want to think if Katsuki has brought other people over in this very bed in which they had slept together for almost three years. In this bed in which Katsuki is about to fuck him almost six months after their breakup.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight. Don’t you have time to play with yourself, princess?” Katsuki groans out when he pushes one finger inside, warm inner walls contracting around the digit.

Shouto shakes his head, “My fingers don’t feel as good.”

“Who said anything about fingers, sweetheart?”

“If you’re asking if I’ve fucked anyone else, the answer is no.” He starts rocking himself on Katsuki’s finger, much thicker than his own and feeling so fucking good pumping in and out of his hole. “You were the last person I had sex with, Katsuki.”

And the first one.

There was a time when I thought you’d be the only one.

He has his eyes closed so he can’t see what kind of expression Katsuki is making, but he can feel his cock twitch wildly in between them, bumping into his own erection.

“And here I thought I was the idiot who couldn’t get himself to fuck anyone else.” He pushes another finger inside, then latches his teeth onto the column of Shouto’s throat. A high pitched moan echoes in the room.

It shouldn’t make him as happy as it does, the knowledge that Katsuki hasn’t slept with anyone else since their last time, but it does. It gets his heart pounding right out of his chest and dick so hard that it hurts.

He also didn’t think he’d end up with Katsuki in bed so soon – if ever – but he’s suddenly hit by an intense craving. Shouto wants him so bad, he wants Katsuki so much, wants him to be his. Wants them to belong to each other again.

But is it that easy?

Would it be that easy to go back to each other like nothing happened?

Would they not just trap themselves in the same cycle that eventually broke them apart?

“Put it in, Katsuki…” He pants out when Katsuki’s steadily pumping three fingers inside him.

Shouto’s already comfortably fucking himself on them, one hand supporting himself by gripping onto Katsuki’s shoulder while the other is latching onto his jaw to bring the man into another kiss.

“Think you’re ready, princess?”

Shouto can only nod his head, already lifting himself on his knees to take Katsuki in.

“Hold up, condom?” Katsuki stops him by holding his hips, kisses his chin to get Shouto to look at him.

“We don’t need it, do we? I’ve only used my fingers in toys. And you said you haven’t fucked anyone else. Unless you’re lying.” Shouto shoots back, feeling a little petty about Katsuki having his way so easily just because he’s so damn good to him and so hot and argh-

“You know I wouldn’t lie to you, Shou.”

“Then we don’t need it.” Shouto grips his cock and slides down on it, swallowing him whole from the get-go.

It’s a lot, but he adjusts quick to the familiar length of it. He’s missed this so much that he’s almost giddy with it. Katsuki looks just as eager, kissing up Shouto’s chest to his neck until he reaches his mouth once more.

“Shit, you look so good, Shouto. You take me so well-“

It doesn’t take long for them to find their rhythm, after so many years of being in sync – and not just in the bedroom – and soon enough Shouto’s throwing his head back and rocking his hips up and down, supporting his weight with his hands on Katsuki’s legs.

“Katsuki don’t stop- keep going, fuck right there…”

He’s being tossed onto his back, right on his side of the bed, with Katsuki making himself at home in between his legs. The pace increases, with Katsuki thrusting even deeper inside him, th tapered tip of his dick rubbing so deliciously against his prostate.

“So fucking pretty, sweetheart. Knew you’d look gorgeous with your hair like this.” He grasps his hair again and leans down to kiss Shouto’s forehead, then down to his cheeks, up to the crown of his head. “I almost kissed you right then and there when I opened the door for you, baby. You have no idea what you do to me, Shou-“

Shouto almost wants to tell him to stop talking, or to kiss him some more.

Every word that comes out of Katsuki’s mouth only serves to give him more hope and he shouldn’t- they shouldn’t-

He does the next best thing.

With both hands he grips the sides of Katsuki’s face and brings their faces together. Legs wrapped around his waist and his own cock dripping precum on their stomach, Shouto licks at the seam of his lips.

“Come inside me, Katsuki. Don’t you wanna fill me up for your birthday, baby?”

It shuts him up right away, but only cuts off the overwhelming stream of praise, as Katsuki groans right out of the depths of his chest and spills inside Shouto. The feeling of warm cum and a thick cock pulsing in his hole triggers his own orgasm, his release making a mess of themselves and the sheets.

Katsuki holds him through it, rocks himself inside to prolong his orgasm and Shouto’s own, stays close and holds him to his chest while the after effects of his release pass through him like ocean waves.

Along with the enrapturing sensation of his orgasm – the most intense one he’s felt this whole year – the amount of skin to skin contact Shouto is feeling now is almost overwhelming him to the point of tears. He’s taking lungfuls of air, trying to calm his erratic heart.

Is his body reacting like this because it’s been some time since he last experienced this kind of intimacy or because it’s specifically Katsuki who’s touching him?

Shouto wants to believe it’s both, mostly because he doesn’t know how it would feel if someone else were to touch him like this, not that he wants to find out.

When his head touches the pillow he sinks right in. God, he could fall asleep right now. It’s been so long since he’s lied in this bed, yet his body accustoms to it right away. He could just close his eyes for a few minutes and just let go. Have the best sleep he’s had in a long time-

“Shou, we need to take a shower.”

“Mmm…” He grumbles, hoping that Katsuki would just drop it and let him fall asleep like this – no matter how gross it is, his body is just too lethargic for Shouto to care right now, and his mind is just as woozy as he feels.

“Want me to carry you?”

He thinks he nods, because the next thing he knows Shouto’s floating- no, Katsuki is lifting him off the bed in a princess-carry (his favorite position to carry Shouto in) and takes them both to the ensuite.

“Don’t fall asleep on me, I can’t hold you up and wash you off at the same time, Shou.”

It wouldn’t be the first time Katsuki had to deal with an overly sleepy Shouto, so he should know by now what he has to do-

“Ack what the fuck, Katsuki!” Cold water hits his naked skin and Shouto almost falls out of Katsuki’s arms.

“Had to wake you up somehow.” He grins at Shouto, looking all too smug for what he just did.

“Fuck you, Katsuki, really.” He whispers, trying to sound pissed off, but he’s not all that bothered about it. Now when Katsuki’s still holding him in his arms.

“What, are you going to punch me now?”

It suddenly comes back to Shouto that he said the same words back when he punched Katsuki right in the face. He knows the other is only joking about it, as there’s still a grin playing on his lips, but he still feels bad about it.

Tilting his head up, Shouto reaches to kiss the same spot on Katsuki’s face where, some weeks ago, resided a deep-red bruise. “I’m still sorry about that, but sometimes you do deserve to get punched.”

“Oi, that’s not a proper apology-“

Shouto kisses him again, successfully silencing him, with Katsuki humming in pleasure and going along with it, not even trying to pull back to continue arguing.

“We still need to wash up. I have a spare toothbrush if you wanna spend the night.”

Oh, Shouto didn’t even think about that. He hops out of Katsuki’s hold, gripping his arms and one of the bars on the shower door to balance himself. He’s gonna spend the night isn’t he? It’s pretty late, and even though the hotel is relatively close by, Shouto really doesn’t feel like leaving.

Or should he? Would that be better? They are broken up after all…

“Stop thinking so hard.” Katsuki pokes his forehead, “It’s a yes or no question, you don’t gotta make it all complicated in your candy cane head.”

With a sigh, Shouto switches on the warm water and leans against the tiled bathroom wall.

“You know this isn’t easy for me, right? I didn’t come to Tokyo for your birthday to have sex with you and also spend the night.”

Katsuki’s expression turns neutral and he reaches to grab his citrus body wash. A lather of bubbles covers both his palms.

“Looks like your plans changed.”

“Why are you being so nonchalant about this? Does this not mess with your head, Katsuki? We shouldn’t do this.”

As much as he enjoyed it, if this is what Katsuki wants for them in the future, to just agree to fuck whenever they meet up and in the vicinity of a bed, then Shouto will have to put a stop to it. He doesn’t think he could endure maintaining something like this.

It hurts enough as it does to not be able to see Katsuki as much as he’d like, even now as friends. But to then throw sex in the mix but still keep their label as ‘friends’…

“I’m not nonchalant, I just-“ Katsuki starts lathering himself in the soap suds, jutting his chin out to motion for Shouto that he’s free to use whatever he wants to wash himself up, “-I don’t know how to act, okay? It’s not easy for me either. Tonight I just did what I wanted and you seemed okay with it.”

He stops Shouto before he can open his mouth at the sight of his frown.

“I know it’s not fine and it’s not gonna hold up in the long run. And we need to talk about it before this turns into a complete fuck up.”

Katsuki moves to grab the shampoo when Shouto’s glare softens into an understanding expression.

“Our breakup really hurt me, Katsuki.”

Shouto confesses, voice barely a whisper, but with how close they are it’s still audible over the rush of water. A wet hand cups his cheek and tilts his head up, two gazes lock together.

“I know, it hurt like a bitch to let you go. But I couldn’t continue going on like that, we were getting ran dry by work.”

Shouto closes his eyes when Katsuki starts rubbing softly into his cheek, right below the waxy tissue of his scar. He could fall asleep like this, even if he’s essentially standing right now.

“What are we doing right now, Katsuki?”

He hears him sigh heavily, as if he’s just as conflicted by the answer.

“We’re coming back to each other, I don’t fucking know. I thought it’d be easier after we break up, at least after I get used to the idea of not having your annoying pretty ass everywhere.”

Shouto turns his head to bite his thumb at the light insult, but doesn’t interrupt otherwise.

“Turns out it’s really fucking lonely. When you’re not there to rile me up, when I wake up and there’s that stupid empty pillow staring back at me, when there’s no dumb post-it notes stuck to the fridge.”

Shouto knows what he’s talking about. Even if he was surrounded by friends and family, there was still a piece missing. One that has been there with him for so long only for it to slowly dissipate then ultimately be ripped out of his life.

“I’m scared.” Shouto admits, with his head under the hot shower. Rivulets trickle down his back while Katsuki’s rinsing the shampoo out of his hair. “I’m scared that if we try to get back together, we’ll end up doing the same thing. Hero work is unpredictable, it’s not like we know when villains are going to attack again or when work is going to become unbearable.”

Katsuki is quiet while he talks, but he takes over for Shouto and starts combing in the conditioner into his hair, making sure to massage his scalp thoroughly.

“I don’t want to go through that again.”

And by that he means another breakup with Katsuki. He doesn’t know if he can take having his heart broken into a million pieces again by the only real romantic love he’s known.

“So you don’t want to try again?”

He can sense Katsuki is trying his damn best to keep his voice neutral, to not let the insecurity and fear and anger seep out, because he knows Shouto will end up getting swayed by the hint of emotion.

You’re too kind for your own good, Shouto,

Katsuki told him one time when he caught his boyfriend accepting another extra shift because of the new intern’s blunders. When he’d accept to help their colleagues with yet another unfinished report.

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“It’s what it sounds like.”

Shouto knows he’s not trying to argue right now, but they both have this stupid habit of biting back, constantly pushing and pulling, and sometimes they do it too hard and one of them ends up with their bruised knuckles covered in blood.

“I still…” I still love you, so fucking much you don’t even know how close I am to bursting with it “I still care about you, Katsuki. But I can’t just jump into this without thinking about it first.”

Katsuki takes the shower head and starts rinsing his whole body, goes over his tresses once more to make sure there’s no remnants of any soap left behind.

“I don’t live in Tokyo anymore and it will only end up being worse than before if we try long distance.”

While they’ve done it before in the past, it was mainly because one of them was sent overseas for a mission for a few months, once up to two months. But nothing longer than that. And back then they were still living together, so at the end of the day, they were still coming back to each other.

Now, that guarantee isn’t there anymore.

“What do you think about it? What do you want, Katsuki?” He asks him, because Katsuki’s been listening to him rant all while showering.

Wet, naked and completely exposed in front of each other, Katsuki cups his face with both hands and smiles at him. He leans in close and kisses Shouto’s forehead, keeping his mouth pressed against the skin afterwards.

That was an unexpected reaction, but not unwelcomed.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Shou. If you think this is the best decision, then that’s what we’re going to do.”

“No I, I didn’t say this is the best thing to do. I just don’t want to take that risk, I don’t know if I can agree to this when I don’t know if we’re not just gonna end up in the same position as last time.”

Katsuki keeps holding him, eventually bringing Shouto’s head to rest on his shoulder. One hand comes to rub at his back. Shouto melts against him.

But he’s still unsure.

There’s still the ever present doubt, doubt that while for now they’re feeling good and things are going well, they’ll wind up slumped with work soon enough and start screaming at each other again, miss dinners and not see each other for god knows how long-

“I’m scared too.” Katsuki whispers, words seeping right into Shouto’s hair from how close the other is pressed to him.

Shouto lifts his own arms and wraps them around his torso, makes sure to envelope as much of Katsuki’s body with his own. All this time he thought Katsuki knew what he was doing. He thought Katsuki had his emotions figured out, knew how he felt about their breakup and about letting Shouto go.

He thought he was the only one hurting this much, because why would Katsuki feel the same when he was the one to bring up that they should break it off?

He did it for you, he let you go so he won’t hurt you anymore

Shouto lets Katuki walk them out of the shower, lets him towel his body and dry out his hair, accepts the spare toothbrush and the borrowed pajamas – the exact same ones Katsuki said to take with him when he packed but hid on his side of the closet instead – and cuddles close to him once they’re both under the blanket on the bed.

There’s an all-consuming warmth exuding from Katsuki’s body, and while it’s a little warm for cuddling and the arguably thick blanket draped over both of them, Shouto hasn’t felt this comfortable in what seems like ages. So he doesn’t dare move, doesn’t want to feel the frigid cold touch his skin again.

Let alone let it anywhere near his heart.

Katsuki has a protective arm around his waist, the other crossed over his body to hold onto Shouto’s thigh, that’s draped over Katsuki’s midriff, face buried in a crown of dual colored hair. Before he settled in for sleep he kissed Shouto’s forehead again and told him ‘good night, Shou’, like this was normal. Like this was something they still did and not a weird out of body experience that Shouto’s probably hallucinating because of Kaminari’s pink fruity punch.

Maybe this could be the norm again.

Maybe this could start being their routine again.

With his head on Katsuki’s chest, ear settled right over his beating heart, Shouto dozes off.

I still love you so much, Katsuki

Being away from you hurt me tremendously

I don’t want us to be separated again

But is this going to bring my happiness back?

Can I know for sure we’re not going to push each other until one of us finally falls over the ledge and turns into broken shards of the human we once used to be?

How do I know I’m not going to end up picking the pieces of my heart off the floor again when you eventually find the end to our relationship?

Would it be so hard for me to sew another piece to the one we used to thread together, so that there’s no end for you to find?

I still love you,

And I can feel you love me too,

Then why am I still hesitant to let you love me again?

_______________

Six feet under half of a broken building, Shouto is running out of oxygen.

It’s not the first he finds himself in this predicament, although he had hoped it wouldn’t happen so soon. He’s alone this time, no other heroes in this area since they’ve all evacuated the area, as he should have done too. But he didn’t.

He acted as soon as he heard the distressed cry and ran back into the building. For it to come down on him in the blink of an eye was just bad luck on his part, he thinks. Or maybe that’s what the villain who caused all this wanted. To toy with a hero’s will to save as many people as they can, even at the cost of their own life.

Everything hurts and Shouto is now inhaling more soothe and dust than air. His neck is tilted at a weird angle, there’s a throbbing pain in his leg and a stabbing ache in his stomach. Any attempt to move has been impeded by the slabs of concrete surrounding him and what must be a metal rod plunging through his thigh.

His vision is spotty, not that he can see much of anything down here, and attempting to start a fire right now might not be to his advantage. His communication has been cut off after he cried for help and he really hopes someone heard him at least.

There were other heroes on site who saw him charging in here, but he’s not sure if they’ll get to him quick enough.

To make time pass, Shouto starts thinking about his friends, about his family.

Starts thinking about all the stray cats he had the opportunity to pet while walking home from school or during hero patrols.

Thinks about all the times he’s had his favorite foods, or watched his favorite shows with his favorite people.

He didn’t think he’d go like this. This early in life.

He knew hero work was going to be the main reason for his demise, but he also hoped for more time.

Shouto never got to adopt a cat, never got to have a pet to call his own, never got to save a stray from the streets and give it the love and affection it deserves.

Maybe it’s for the better, if he were to have gotten a cat and went ahead and died on the job, then who was going to take care of it from then on? He wouldn’t want to abandon it like that.

He thinks about all the moments he missed out on his life because of work or training, all the times he could have spent with his friends and family and instead chose hero work over them.

The world needs you, Shouto

But how would they need me if I’m dead?

It’s hard to make distinction between what is more rubble falling on top of him or if there’s a rescue team digging him out of his grave. When the rocks atop him start shifting, Shouto wills a shield of ice – more of a cocoon if there wasn’t the metal stabbed through him – to act as a protective barrier. There’s no room to make it thicker and sturdier, so he hopes it’ll hold for now.

Praying to God to save him isn’t at the forefront of Shouto’s mind. While he was brought up to visit shrines and pay respect to the gods and his ancestors, he’s not a devoted person in that sense. The last time he prayed, he still remembers it vividly, crouching in the dorms common room watching his father’s fire against the brute force of the Nomu, fingertips touching, mind and heart racing.

Right now, he tries to remain calm. The enclosed space does not help his claustrophobia – something he only started developing after starting hero work – but hyperventilating would only make things worse for him.

Inhaling only makes him cough violently, and his body hurts even more at the movement.

But he starts praying.

Prays that the equipment and heroes they have on site will find him and not accidentally bury him even further deep while searching for him.

Prays that he’s strong enough to keep himself awake – to survive – until they find him.

Prays that his friends and family know how much he loves them.

Regrets he chose the cowardly way out and didn’t tell Katsuki last time that he loves him.

They’ve barely talked since his birthday, probably because Katsuki thinks he made up his mind and doesn’t want them to give it a second try. Probably thinks he fucked up so bad that Shouto will indulge him for sex, but won’t commit to a relationship with him again.

And Shouto was scared to tell him all these things, scared to come clean and be vulnerable with him because what if it’s all for nothing?

What if this doesn’t change anything and they’ll be back to square one after a few months of dating?

He should have told him. Should have told Katsuki that he wants him back, that he’s everything Shouto ever wanted and that he’ll make an effort. He’ll change his habits and he’ll work on making them work.

Life has been great after he moved back to Musutafu.

Shouto knew this arrangement wasn’t going to last forever, as with his experience, it would be lost potential to continue working here. With a more leisurely work schedule he was able to take up more hobbies. And from what Katsuki told him, he’s not as overloaded with work as he used to be.

And that has been the obstacle they chose to stumble on, hasn’t it?

If Shouto were given the option to choose between Katsuki and being a pro-hero, guilt would consume him in the end, but he’d be happy. Because he’d choose Katsuki.

He knows there’s an option to have both, and he did, he had them both. But how happy that made him?

The happiest, in the beginning. Only for him to end up watching his happiness chip at the edges and eventually crumble apart.

They’re still young and they have their whole lives to make things right again.

Only that, Shouto doesn’t know if he’s still got that.

It was stupid to let go just because things got hard and busy and stressful, but the world didn’t collapse on itself because of their breakup. He thinks this might have been useful for them to see how it is to live without the other and have the time to work on themselves.

While it’s been only a few months – almost seven – Shouto thinks he knows what decision he wants to make. In case he gets out of here.

He wants to belong to Katsuki again. And he wants to get a cat, and maybe use his vacation days for a trip to the beach. Or anywhere Katsuki wants to go, it’ll be find with him either way.

As long as they get to be together.

Shouto holds onto his consciousness until the moment he sees a bright light above him. He’s too lightheaded to know if he’s finally kicked the bucket or if they finally found him.

The last thing he hears it’s his own name, followed by a mess of jumbled words.

“We found pro-hero Shouto! He is in need of immediate medical assistance!”

________________

Shouto wakes up surrounded by white brightness.

He knows he’s not dead the moment the scent of antiseptic and hospital floods his sinuses, along with the steady beeping of the machines he’s hooked up to. There’s tubes connected to his body and he thinks his head is bandaged, along with a great percent of his body.

It’s hard to move right away, so he tries wriggling his fingers, then toes – thank god he still has all four limbs intact – only to find his left hand obstructed by something warm.

It’s someone’s hand. And even with how lethargic he is from sleeping for- fuck he doesn’t even know how long, he can tell right away whose hand this is.

“Kats-suki,” His voice is scratchy and hoarse, but the man in the clearly uncomfortable chair next to his hospital bed stirs awake.

“Shit, Shou- no fucking way you’re awake!” The grip on his hand tightness, most likely from shock, and he can’t help but crack a tired smile at Katsuki’s bewilderment.

That soon morphs into a glare.

“You fucking idiot, I thought you knew better! Why didn’t you wait for backup, why didn’t you announce someone you were going back inside the collapsing building! You, you- Shouto,”

“Can you be quiet? My head still hurts.” Shouto rasps out, trying to tighten his own grip around Katsuki’s hand.

The other is visibly displeased at being interrupted, but he complies, switching to yelling at Shouto in whispered insults. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, this isn’t the first time Shouto wakes up in the hospital to Katsuki waiting for him to wake up by his side. Although it’s the first time after their breakup.

“How long was I out for?” He asks, clearly ignoring the blond’s scolding.

“Are you even paying attention to what I’m saying? You’ve been out for days, Shouto!”

Oh, so that’s why Katsuki is more stressed than before.

“What are you doing here?”

With a roll of his shoulders and a deep sigh, Katsuki settles down and cradles Shouto’s hand with both of his, into his lap.

“Clearly wasting my time since you refuse to listen to me. I was waiting for your dumb ass to wake up.”

But, if he’s been out for days, then that means…

“What about work?”

“Why are you so fucking chatty all of a sudden? Usually after you wake up you’re useless.”

Shouto shrugs, or attempts to, with how little he can move right now without it sending zaps of pain all over his body. “Guess I had a lot of time to think while I was asleep.”

“Yeah, asleep…fuck Shou,” Katsuki leans his head back and only then does Shouto tak notice of his rumpled clothes and the dark bags under his eyes when he comes back to face him. “You’re lucky you didn’t die, or else I would’ve brought you back to life just to kill you myself.”

Shouto can’t help the playful smile twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“Now that’s not very nice.”

“I’m never nice, dumbass.”

“You are with me.” He starts, twisting his hand to intertwine their fingers together while it’s still sandwiched between Katsuki’s hands. They’re warm and a little rough, but they don’t let go of him. “You make me cold soba even if I don’t ask for it, you buy me snacks even if you say they’re not good for me just because you don’t want me to miss out on what younger-me should have experienced.”

“You watch shitty movies with me even if you don’t like them and carry me to bed after I eventually fall asleep halfway through. You tell your mom my favorite kind of cake so she can bring it to me on my birthday because you couldn’t come yourself-“

“Who told you-“

“You spent almost the whole day with me on my birthday because you knew I was alone and had nothing planned that day. And you wait for me in the hospital, for days, to wake up when you should be at work.”

Katsuki sucks in a breath, his knee is shaking up and down and he’s caressing the back of Shouto’s hand.

“Yeah well, the others can handle it. Japan won’t fucking blow up if I’m not on the job 24/7.”

Shouto attempts to sit up in bed but it’s impossible with all the wired and tubes around him. He also really wants to kiss Katsuki. Or at the very least give him a hug.

“I should probably get a doctor since you woke up…”

Katsuki letting go of his hand kick starts something in him. Shouto reaches out to grab it back.

“Wait, Katsuki-“

“I won’t be long, just need them to make sure everything’s alright-“

“I still love you.”

The world comes to a stop.

Or maybe just Katsuki does, with how still he goes.

“I didn’t say it last time when I had the opportunity to do so, and when I was trapped there…I realized I regretted not telling you. So I wanted to make sure you know. That I never stopped loving you, Katsuki.”

Slowly, the other turns back to face him and his hand is squeezed firmly.

“Me neither. I should have said it last time too, but I didn’t want to pressure you. And that’s bullshit, because we should say what we want from each other so there’s no room for interpretation or other bullshit.” Katsuki slumps back into his seat and brings Shouto’s hand to his chest.

“I love you, Shouto.” A warm mouth is pressed to his knuckles, then the back of his hand, the inside of his palm. “But I still need to get a doctor to see you, halfie.”

Shouto finally laughs, albeit it’s more of a wheeze than anything else. It’s worth it though, because it makes Katsuki smile that soft smile of his reserved just for him.

“Okay, hurry up.”

“Don’t order me around!” He throws over his shoulder, but Shouto hears him jog as soon as he’s out in the hallway.

A few medical professionals brief him on what he and his body went through – now Shouto understands why Katsuki had blown up on him like that – and let him know that he can be discharged as soon as they’re done running another thorough examination on him.

He’s told he’s been lucky they had healing quirk users on site, otherwise his body would have been a lot more mangled than it is now. Shouto doesn’t know if he’ll call that luck. If he were lucky, he wouldn’t have gotten trapped in the first place, but he bites his tongue because at least he’s out of there.

His family comes to see him a few hours later, even Izuku flies in from where he’s been stationed in Fukuoka for the past month, along with a few other friends who had been close by during the incident.

“You know, Katsuki came as soon as he heard about you.” His mother tells him the next day while she helps him pack his things so he can check out of the hospital.

“Really?”

“Mhm, he drove from Tokyo and refused to leave your side for the first few days. I heard he took off from work so he could wait for you to wake up.”

“He told me that, but I didn’t know he’s been here for that long.” He switches the hospital slippers for his own outside sneakers. “Do you know if he’s still around?”

His mother smiles at him knowingly, “I saw his car parked out front. I’m sure he’s waiting for you to come out.”

After checking out and promising his mom he’ll call her as soon as he can, Shouto walks out into the hospital parking lot to look for Katsuki. It’s not hard to spot him, doesn’t take long for him to spot the shock of blond hair as he stands leaning against the hood of his car, arms crossed over his chest.

“Katsuki!” He calls out and red eyes are on him in an instant. He jogs in Shouto’s direction until they’re close enough for Katsuki to twine their arms together.

“Oi, you sure you can walk out unsupervised, icyhot?”

Ah, he probably thinks Shouto might fall anytime now. Katsuki did see him almost fall the day before as he got out of bed, but that only happened because his legs were asleep from lying down for so long.

“You’re supervising me right now, I think I’ll be okay.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes, fondly. “Did your family just ditch you? Want me to drive you home?”

“They didn’t ditch me, I wanted to look for you. Mom told me you were here.”

“Yeah well, wanted to make sure you didn’t fall and crack that empty head of yours as soon as you stepped out of the hospital.”

“So thoughtful.”

Katsuki slips his hand down to grip his waist and pulls Shouto closer to his side.

“I’m glad you’re okay, Shou.”

Shouto cracks a small smile.

“Thank you for coming.” As they walk to his car an idea strikes him, and Shouto stops right before he can get inside the passenger seat. “Since you’re driving me back, do you have time for a tour of my place?”

Katsuki cocks one eyebrow at him. “Is that all, shortcake?”

“We do need to talk about…everything. About us.”

“Alright, I’ve got the time. Took indefinite time off from work.”

Shouto’s eyebrows fly into his hairline. “You did? For me?”

“For who else? It’s your fault, pretty boy, for scaring me like that. Was acting like a crazy fucking person driving down the highway from Tokyo to here, Jesus Christ. You owe me so many hours of sleep, Shouto.”

They both know the threats are empty, that there’s an ever present smile tugging at the corner of Katsuki’s mouth.

“I’ll take full responsibility, if you…give me something in return.”

“The gall, half and half, to ask for something in return. Alright, let’s hear it. Whaddya want?”

Shouto makes a show of thinking about it, hums low in his throat, drags his gaze down to Katsuki’s bitten lips, then looks back at his eyes.

“Cold soba. I haven’t had it in quite a while-“

“I’m seriously going to kill you, Shouto.”

He leans forward and kisses Katsuki full on the mouth, swiftly pulling back to see the slight surprise in his expression. Oh, his cheeks are going pink. He should probably do this more often then.

“Let’s go?”

Katsuki’s hand reaches behind him and opens the passenger door, all while maintaining eye contact.

“Get in the car, princess.”

______________

“It’s not much, but it’s spacious enough and has a lot of storage room. And the view is pretty nice, but it’s better from the bedroom window.”

Shouto lets them both in, follows Katsuki’s eyes with his own gaze as the other looks around his apartment.

“It’s a nice place, s’got you written all over it, halfie.”

“Does it?”

Shouto looks around and spots the quilted blanket he got from his mom, the cat throw-pillows on the couch, the stack of mangas in the ‘reading nook’ he set up for himself next to the window. He had time to decorate around, what can he say. And it was also a nice way of distracting himself, in the beginning, from the fact that he’ll have to live by himself now.

“Please tell me you weren’t surviving off of take out only.”

Katsuki goes to inspect his kitchen – something he used to do back in the day when they were dating and still living separately – but there’s not much to see since he hasn’t been in this apartment for more than a full week now as he’s been recovering in the hospital.

“No, I make sure to keep my pantry full, just like you taught me. What you see now is an unfortunate coincidence on my part, since I haven’t had the chance to stock up my fridge while in a medical induced coma.”

Shouto shows him the rest of the apartment – there isn’t much to show, but Katsuki insists on a thorough residence tour – which finds them on the edge of his bed watching the beginning of a sunset through the large window. He’s still feeling a little drained from the medication and all the probing the doctors did on him this morning, muscles sore and eyes droopy.

“Katsuki, lay down with me.”

Shouto’s already climbing backwards on the bed, scooting up until his head hits the pillow. He reaches lower to tuck the blanket from under his ass and pulls it over his legs, tugging it to the side to make room for Katsuki.

“Right now?”

“You said you lost sleep because of me. Let’s go to sleep.”

“I thought you wanted to talk about us.”

“Then let’s talk, but come here first.”

Shouto pats the space next to him until he hears Katsuki’s defeated sigh – seriously, sometimes he’s too dramatic on purpose – and then scoots further back to make sure there’s enough room for the both of them.

“Where d’you think you’re going, shortcake? We can both fit in here.”

Katsuki chastises him as soon as he gets under the blanket and tugs him close by the waist. Their knees are touching and Katsuki’s arm is solid and warm at the small of his back. Shouto’s hands are resting in the space between them, aching to cup Katsuki’s face in between them and pull him down into a kiss.

But before that,

“I want to try again.”

Katsuki’s expression is open, eyes searching and mouth slightly turned upwards.

“I want us to be boyfriends again. I didn’t give you a clear answer last time because I was afraid that we’ll end up like last time and that just us wanting to get back together won’t be enough to keep us together.”

His fingers start to fidget and grasp at the corner of the pillowcase.

“But I want to try again and make it right. I want us to not hold back this time and be honest with how we’re feeling.” Shouto reaches down to grip Katsuki’s free hand. “I don’t want to lose you again, Katsuki.”

A full smile now, and even with the setting sun, Shouto can see it as clear as day.

“Me too, I wanna try again. I kicked myself so hard for breaking up with you, but I think at the time, that was our best bet. I don’t know how it would’ve turned out if we continued living like that.”

Much worse than what we’ve been through already, Shouto thinks, but there’s no real way to find out now.

“I don’t care if I’ll have to sacrifice the number one spot in the ranks, you’re more important to me, Shou.”

He promised himself he wouldn’t let anything that has to do with Katsuki make him cry, but that only applied to the sad things. Now, when Katsuki is looking at him with such an intense gaze and all the love in the world, Shouto allows his eyes to tear up a little.

“You’re already my number one, Katsuki. I know it’s not what you wanted but-“

Katsuki surges forward to connect their mouths in a blistering kiss, causing a high keen to tumble out of Shouto’s mouth.

“It’s enough, it’s perfect, baby. You’re perfect.” Then he’s being pulled against a sturdy and warm, so warm, chest and he’s drowning in the familiar scent of Katsuki. Of home.

Fuck, how he missed this

“So does that mean I can be your boyfriend again?”

Shouto rasps out, face squished against Katsuki’s chest.

“You can be whatever the hell you want as long as you’re mine.”

His laughter is swallowed as soon as their mouths meet again in a second kiss, this one just as sweet as the previous one, although not as short.

It hasn’t been that long since he last kissed Katsuki, but what’s so different about their night together on his birthday and today is the security that this isn’t going to be a ‘one last time’ for them. Shouto now knows what every kiss and touch from Katsuki means, what’s behind the way he drinks him up with his eyes alone and the way he pushes his hair back out of his face to look at hime.

“You look so fucking good with your hair like this, Shou.”

It’s gotten longer since they last saw each other, and Katsuki’s having the time of his fucking life playing with it, combing it with his fingers and uncovering Shouto’s face from behind the silky bangs.

“I’m happy you like it, I even learned how to braid it.”

Katsuki licks into his mouth, seeming overly enthusiastic about something as simple as the length of Shouto’s hair, but he thinks he understands. He can get just as infatuated with a mundane aspect of Katsuki, be it something physical or a small habit of his.

“Yeah? Gonna let me play with your pretty hair, Shou?”

Shouto will let him do whatever he wants with him, as long as he keeps kissing him like this.

He’s got one leg draped over Katsuki’s hip, a hand on his chest and the other tangled in blonde spikes when he feels the bites on his neck dissipate into featherlight kisses. He can feel how worked up his boyfriend is – god it’s so good to be able to call him that again – feels the hot hardness press into his inner thigh. Shouto himself feels a little hot and bothered, but he’s still sore from the hospital.

“Tomorrow, okay, sweetheart?”

“Hm?”

“You’re about to fall asleep on me, Shou. Tomorrow I’ll take care of you, alright?”

Shouto nods, eyes still closed and lips moving blindly to seek Katsuki’s mouth for one more kiss.

"Hey, remember that night at the hotel?" The words are breathed against his mouth.

Shouto's eyebrows furrow, he thought they were going to sleep. But he nods, bleary eyes opening to look at Katsuki.

"I lied about the roads being blocked off."

"What?"

"When I drove to see if the roads had cleared up, I came back and told you we couldn't go yet and we had to spend the night at a hotel. I lied, just so we could have more time together."

Shouto pauses. He almost can't believe it. He'd been so hung up about Katsuki wasting his time driving Shouto back to Musutafu and getting trapped for the night in Yokohama at the hotel. And Katsuki goes ahead and does this.

"You idiot, you made me worry I was wasting your time." Shouto punches him in the chest, albeit lightly. Katsuki chuckles at his reaction.

"I told you I did it because I wanted to. And you looked so happy at that damn Christmas market, I didn't want that day to end."

Their lips meet for another kiss, a languid one, unhurried- Shouto could spend all night kissing him.

“I missed you a lot, Katsuki.”

He whispers in the small space between them.

“Missed you too, Shou. So damn much.” He feels a kiss on his forehead before he falls into complete slumber.

It’s summer and it’s hot under the blanket and in Katsuki’s arms. But Shouto feels him reach to tug down the covers for the cool night breeze to seep in so they won’t overheat, but the lingering warmth of Katsuki’s love never leaves.

Shouto wants it to be like this forever.

______________

Katsuki pulls up at the front gate of his mom’s house. Shouto immediately spots Mitsuki and Masaru’s car, already parked inside the courtyard next to Endeavor’s car. They’re all here. Even Touya’s beat up motorbike is there, propped next to a thick bush, like he’s still ashamed to be seen as a part of this family.

As soon as he steps out of the car, a flurry of snowflakes hits him in the face. He trades the warmth of the car for the outside winter chill. Katsuki’s hand slips in his as soon as he gets out too, their matching rings clinking together.

In his other hand, he's holding Soba's cat carrier.

“Have you told anyone?” Katsuki whispers in his ear as they walk down the small patio towards the front of the house.

“Only Fuyumi knows. She saw my ring by accident when we facetimed last week.” He feels Katsuki rub at the metal band around his ring finger, twisting it a little in place.

“How mad do you think Endeavor will get when he finds out you’re taking my name?”

“I’d say pretty mad, but I’m looking forward to it.”

“His reaction or our wedding, princess?”

“Both, but our wedding more. You look really good in a suit.” He turns to Katsuki and finds that the other is already looking at him.

“You know you don’t have to marry me just to see me in a suit, right?”

“I know, but it’s more special that way.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes, with fondness, and reaches up to kiss him full on the mouth. Shouto would love to lean in and kiss him back, pry his mouth open and lock his hands at the back of his neck, but he can already hear his niece behind the door yelling “Uncle Shou-Shou and uncle Katsu are here!” along with Fuyumi’s voice close behind her.

“Later.” He whispers against Katsuki’s lips and pulls away, a knowing smirk on both their faces.

“I’ll hold you to it, princess.”

The door opens and Fuyumi’s daughter tackled his knees. “Uncle Shou-Shou! You have a kitty!”

“Shouto, Katsuki, just in time! Please, come in.”

“Don’t you have any manners, brat? You’re late.”

“Don’t be so harsh on them, Mitsuki-san, I’m sure the holiday traffic didn’t help.”

“Uncle Shou-Shou, what is the ring on your finger?”

“Shouto you have a what?!”

“Katsuki, you got engaged and you didn’t tell us?”

“I’m sure he would have told us eventually, dear.”

“Oh that’s so wonderful, Shouto.”

Shouto doesn’t really get to see his father’s expression at the announcement of their engagement and that he’s going to be taking Katsuki’s last name, because he’s busy looking at his fiancé, who’s burning a deep shade of red and yelling at Mitsuki to ‘calm down, you hag!’, all while not letting go of his hand.

He finally feels warm, and not just because of the fire crackling over in the fireplace, or the good food and the even lovelier company.

But because he’s now sure of the steady flame of love burning in his heart, the one he shares with Katsuki. The love of his life and his future husband.

I never forgot how your mouth feels on mine, because now you kiss me the same as you did back then

I never forgot how good you used to touch me, because you touch me the same now, like you’re never going to let me go, like you’re going to keep me forever

I never forgot how you felt in my arms, because you feel just the same now, like you fit right here with me

I never stopped loving you, because you never stopped loving me either, Katsuki

There’s an everlasting warmth in his heart, which he now knows, will never leave him.