Work Text:
She was like a painting, a painting you could drown in. An abyss of such beauty.
When the sun drowned into the night and the full moon arose, you were content. Walking down the corridor to her tiny headquarters. It had been some time since you last came to see her.
Buried in paperwork and being the head commander. Bruised with the weight of such a position. It took much more than the mere thought of saving humanity to be a commander. And seeing your lover under all this pressure, was agonizing, to say the least
While you wished you could do more, it seemed as though you couldn't. As though you were helpless when it came to her.
All the times you let your concerns be known, she only sat silently, gaze and mind far from hearing your concerns.
Shameful but you'd come to wish Erwin never picked her for such a position. Wished Levi kept him alive.
That was the least of your worries as the gleam in her eyes faded away with time and came to be fatigue and pain. Those thoughts wrapped around your worried heart. Maybe, just maybe.
Tonight you came abruptly, not letting her know beforehand. You weren't sure why but now you'd come to see it was a mistake.
Facing the door to her quarters, hands clammy, raised inches away from the door. You hesitated, afraid you'd come to see something you weren't ready for. Sighing you knocked a couple of times and no answer.
Knocking again now announcing yourself, "Hange, it's me."
No answer.
You're stomach flipped, you dreaded what lay behind these doors.
Since the day it all went to shit. You'd come to not be able to read her anymore. Her mind was different.
Fear sits in the depths of your abdomen, fear at the thought of her doing wrong to herself.
It was an odd thought, she'd never, right?
Your hand touched the knob and with a turn, you pushed the door open. The room is luminous by the candle-let corridors.
It didn't take you long to find her. A few steps away from the door, she lay. Her knees were heavy on the floor as she scattered through piles of paper. She meets your gaze. Eyes bloodshot, puff from dreadful tears. Redden checks with streaks of hour-long tears. Her lips morph into a sad frown. Hair spiraled, a mess from sleepless nights. Clothes days old, ragged, and crinkled.
Your brows knitted, eyes wide at such a scene.
"Hange.." you swallowed thickly.
Your throat throbbed at the pain of a sob
Her gaze goes back down to the paper, and her hand clutches the loose paper around her.
"I didn't want this," she cried.
"I can't do this"
"It’s all his fault”
Your breath hitched.
"Oh, Hange."
You started to pace towards her, stumbling as it all went sideways. Her form started to seem so much further than a few steps.
"Wait Hange' you yelled.
You clutched at the fabric of your shirt. Cold sweat terminated your ardent skin. Wide-eyed as you watched the wooden ceiling above. Chest rising heavily, breathless.
A dream?
As your breath slowed, you watched the ceiling in hopes of some peace. Sweat soon dried with the light breeze of the early morning. Though it was too dark, no sunrise. The quietness is rather terrifying. You come to notice the emptiness beside you. The sweet warmth that she radiated was long gone. Soon it weighed on you, a heavy weight of awareness.
The dream seemed far less tortuous than the reality. An unpleasant truth. As you tugged at your skin in hopes of finding a sense of relief, in hopes that the physical pain could numb the pain that came with your mind.
Of course, the dream would be much better, you pleaded. The dream seemed even heavenly when it came to her. She was gone, long gone. Her life was taken away by her own doing.
And still, you wished it was a dream
A nightmare that would soon go away with the morning breeze as she embraced you with her love. Though the only embrace was your own, wrapping your limbs around your body in hopes of mimicking the same warmth. it was cold, limbs shaking with the wind as winter came through your window.