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Mine’s Bigger than Yours: A bad PWP fic

Summary:

Lots of slashy goodness (er badness) with out the horrible burden of plot or meaning. Note: This is my first fic of any kind in over ten years. Yikes.

Notes:

Note from Tallulah, Azzy and Half Elf Lost, the archivists: this work was originally archived at Library of Moria and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2023. We tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact us using the e-mail address on Library of Moria’s collection profile.

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Night had fallen some time ago in Imladris, and most of her inhabitants were in bed, either asleep or at least happily occupied. But not her lord and family. The wise and noble lord of th3e great realm of Imladris was propped up in his sitting room having an impromptu drinking contest with his studly sons and even more stunning advisor.

“Ereshtor?” Elladan slurred as he stood almost steadily. “Is there any more of this Mirkwood wine left?”

Innocently, Erestor raised his eyebrows and peeked into the bottle he had just finished draining into his own cup. “Nope. Go fish.” He then began to giggle uncontrollably. “Go fish!!!! I thought we were playing poker!!” With that he dropped the bottle on the rug and plopped down beside his lord. Laying is raven head in the mighty lords lap he pouted prettily. ” I think we need to send someone for some more wine.”

Stroking the midnight tresses, and staring into the chocolate eyes Elrond let the river of raven’s wing silk slide through his fingers. The cherry mouth pouted so prettily at him and he felt his cock stir. He wondered if those rose petal lips felt as good as they looked.

“Ada?” Elladan queried at his father’s distant look. “Do you want for me to go get more wine?” Elrond started at his son’s voice. Ah, but that voice was like velvet to listen to. Dark and warm and soft. Just like the hair is his lap.

“Nevermind!” Elrohir muttered as he tried to stand to leave, over turning a mostly empty cup and sliding on the discarded bottle. “Glorfindel!” He bellowed. Good old ‘Fin would go get him some more wine.

The rest of the inebriated crew took up the call along with Elrohir. “Glorfindel!!!”

A grumpy, sleepy, disheveled Balrog slayer slammed to door open a moment later, with a slightly grumpy Haldir in tow. What he saw was enough to make even him blush. His lord, his lord’s sons and the very delicious Erestor were in various stages of drunkenness AND undress, strewn about on Elrond’s sitting room floor like so much laundry. But what really caught his eye was the fat that Erestor had his head in Elrond’s lap, and was obviously about to get a mouthful of some tasty Peredhel elfhood. Haldir nudged him as he tied his breeches up and gave him a wink. “At least it looks like SOMEONE will be getting lucky tonight. A shame they couldn’t take pity on me and let me do the same.” ‘Fin blushed since it was obvious that the twins had overheard. He really didn’t need them teasing him for the next age about his taste in bed partners.

“So I see you are about to meet the valley’s “Little Lord” finally, Erestor” Glorfindel quipped with a smirk. The only reply for the counselor was a slightly muffled “hmm”.

“What do you mean Little”?” Elrond barked. “I am sure you have nothing to brag about over. . . . there.” The comment was meant to be biting but the mouth that was currently liking and nipping it’s way across his straining member, and soaking his leggings was taking all of his concentration.

“Hey!” Glorfindel gasped. “You leave Stanley out of this!!!”

“Stanley!!!!!???” Erestor left off his ministrations of his lord to stare blurrily at Glorfindel. “Did you just say Stanley?” He rolled his eyes and went back to work on the straining shaft that Elrond had managed to free in his moment of distraction.

“Must be one hell of a pecker to earn it’s own name!” Elladan added. Then looking at his twin. “This, we have to see.” Moving in tandem the twins crawled toward Glorfindel. Their intent obvious.

Finding the nearest bottle empty, Haldir decided that now may be a good time to go find some wine. He wasn’t sure he was ready to see his would be lover and the lord of the valley getting what he was being denied.

 

When Haldir returned the festivities were in full swing. The twins had managed to remove all of Glorfindel’s clothes, and either Elrond or Erestor had removed the usually stoic lord’s. Not that Elladan and Elrohir were going to be left out of the fun. They two had removed their breeches (Their shirts were long since discarded) and were in the process of measuring the exposed tools.

“Sorry, Ada, but ‘Fin’s is definitely wider. And you know, girth counts for something.” Elrohir teased.

“But of course, dear brother.” Elladan replied. “Ada’s is MUCH longer and if Erestor would move, you would see that it is perfectly shaped.”

“But not as perfectly shaped as yours, brother dear.” Elrohir purred as he strokes his brother’s quivering length. Pearly drops of precum sliding onto his hand as he pumped and pulled. Elladan groaned loudly and pulled his brother into a fierce kiss, dragging them both to the floor.

Spotting Haldir, Glorfindel called him in. “Join us!” He grabbed a swig from the bottle Haldir carried. “Now lets hear your say. The gwannig have expressed their opinion on the matter, but we have yet to hear from you or see any more of you, and I was so hoping to see MUCH more of you tonight.” With that he slid over to the pouting blonde. Cerulean orbs locked with hazel ones, as he possessed the younger elf’s mouth. Wet heat and sharp teeth met in a duel for dominance. Tongue battled tongue until the two were forced to part for air, panting. Glorfindel, quickly took advantage of the marchwarden's unusual complacency and forced their lower bodies together, rubbing their arousals together needful. Haldir moaned and bucked into the body in front of him desperate to create ever more friction on his aching weeping member.

But once again, just as things were starting to get interesting, they were interrupted again. At some point during that exquisite kiss, the twins had found the strength of will to separate for a moment and had begun to undress Haldir. He gasped as his over heated member sprung free of the confines of his leggings. His anaconda was thick and purple with desire and leaked a constant flow of precum so that it wet his belly and Glorfindel’s thigh where it brushed against him.

Nearby, Elrond cried out piteously. He writhed on the floor like a snake as Erestor held his shaft hard at the base. Swatting Elrond’s hand away from the weeping cock, Erestor scolded. “Not yet!” I believe there some interest in who had the biggest cock, and if you spend now, we will never know.” He grinned predatorily at his lord as he leaned down over his taut body. “Maybe you will behave if there is a small wager hum?” AN evil glint showed in the ebony eyes as they met slightly unfocused blurry.

“What would that be?” Elrond rasped. The others had stopped as well. They too wanted to know what Erestor had in mind.

“Simple. I will judge. “ The wolfish grin again. “and the winner gets more of this.” He purred as he slid back down the flat stomach of the Lord of the Valley and slowly slid his mouth around the twitching rod. Elrond groaned and tried to grab Erestor’s hair and hold him down why he thrust up into the soft hot cavern. But the advisor slipped away quickly, leaving him in a panting heap on the floor.

Erestor stood and made a futile attempt at smoothing his hair and cloths. He was the only one still dressed, but he figured he was the only one that noticed. “Alright! Everyone over here!” he ordered, pointing to a spot near the fire. What he saw standing there in front of him now took his breath away. Five of the most beautiful, perfect elves on all of Arda were standing here naked. Five beautiful, bobbing erections, just screaming to be touched and sucked.

He approached Glorfindel first. Sliding his long deft fingers from the strong square jaw down the rippling muscles of his chest he stopped long enough to tweak one rosy nipple till the blonde warrior hissed. Cerulean Orbs blinked in surprise as his pupils dilated in lust. Erestor smiled and held those eyes as blue as summer skies as his hand slid further down past the wash board stomach and his fingers twined in the soft curls at he base of the twitching trouser snake. He tugged once then wrapped those long fingers around the hot meat that was his goal.

‘Fin’s eyes closed in pleasure as he was stroked. Erestor’s other hand had stayed poised on his shoulder, but it slowly dragged down his body as the raven-haired elf slid to his knees. Surprisingly strong hands grasped his buttocks as he was engulfed in the hottest mouth he had ever felt. He thought he would cum as soon as Erestor took his full length into his mouth and swallowed around it. He howled in agony as he was released.

“Not bad.” Erestor purred. “Maybe not the best dick here but he is definitely in the running for best ass.” With that he reached around and squeezed Glorfindel’s right buttock hard. He needs to drink more often, ‘Fin thought.

Now it was Haldir’s turn. Erestor wrapped himself around the blonde archer like a large jungle snake, his chest to Halir’s back. One arm was draped around the muscled chest the other trailing down to the weeping member. Once again the long finger s wrapped around the hard meat and pumped rhythmically. Using Haldir’s own secretions, he slid his hand up and sown until the cock in his hand twitched in warning. He stopped, and slid around to face the marchwarden and admire his handy work. Gleaming and straining Haldir’s one eyes little buddy seemed to be begging more then the elf. With a quick kiss to the shiny purple head Erestor moved on.

The twins grinned in anticipation as Erestor knelt between them. He took each one in a hand and begin to slowly rub and the skin over the steel of their erections. To him, it felt like silk sliding over stone. Strong and tall like their owners, the twins shafts were truly and thing of beauty. And, he thought, so was the taste as he alternately took one, then the other into his mouth. But still, not quite right. He knew what he was looking for. Elladan and Elrohir both reached for the black silk tresses and began to run their fingers through it and stroke is ears. As soon as they did though he grabbed their hands and kissed each palm before he rose.

There, his goal was before him now. Like a large black cat he slide over to his lord. Gently he took his hands and led him to the bed. Pushing him down, he straddled Elrond’s hips and he took his mouth in a bruising kiss. Elrond thrust up toward him and pushed down on Erestor’s shoulders. He didn’t want to wait any longer. Couldn’t wait any longer.He needed to finish this now.

As Erestor slid slowly down the ivory body he left a trail of kisses and nips that sent Elrond into a frenzy. As soon as the advisor’s sweet mouth touched his hot flesh, he lost control and began to thrust violently. Erestor was ready for it, and just relaxed his throat and allowed the erratic thrusting to continue. At the same time he stroked the peach fuzz sac underneath and teased the puckered opening to Elrond’s body.

Unable to hold back any longer Haldir crawled onto the bed with the dark elves. Taking Elrond's hand, he placed on his own needy flesh. Throwing his leg over the lord’s chest he grasped the headboard over the midnight head and thrust against his host. “By the Valar!” He thought. “I won’t last long now.”

Not ones to be left out, the twins slide up on either side of Glorfindel and began to touch, stroke and lick every inch of flesh they could find. Not one to question his good fortune, Glorfindel gave in as one twin stroked oil over his throbbing meat flute and the other began the slowly stretch his own entrance with slick fingers. Before he could think he found himself impaled by Elladan’s thick, hard shaft and being impatiently pushed forward into the welcoming heat of Elrohir’s tight ass. A few brutal thrusts and all three were moaning and baying like dogs as they came violently. Panting and sweating the three lay on the rug by the fire as they heard Elrond’s hoarse shout at completion and Haldir’s sigh and grunt as he too came, pearly jets of seed splattered Elrond’s face and throat and coated his hands.

Licking his lips, Erestor crawled back up to Elrond as Haldir rolled off to one side. Snuggling up to his lord he lay his head against the heaving chest and sighed happily. Haldir too curled up behind the still dressed elf. Elrond and Haldir’s hands strayed down to the leggings still covering the advisor. Both stopped as they reached the bulge they found. Their eyes met above the midnight tresses that sprawled between them. Both pairs wide with shock.

“Um Erestor?” Haldir asked.

“Hmmm” Erestor purred onto Elrond’s chest.

“Please tell me you are hiding another wine bottle in there.”

Elrond laughed. “You have been holding out on us!!” He then flipped Erestor onto his back and with Haldir’s help stripped the now struggling elf. What they saw, frankly amazed them. “Holy. . . !” Elrond started but couldn’t finish. Haldir could only moan in awe. What they now saw was pure marble perfection. Long ands thick Erestor’s cock rose from a nest of short balk curls , perfectly straight and gleaming in the firelight.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Elladan gasped as he joined the trio on the bed. “”That is absolutely marvelous, and. . . and. . .HUGE!” Elrohir joined his brother.

Glorfindel looked down at his own member, which was stirring again at the sight on the bed. “Sorry, Stanley, but it looks like you lose.” He too crawled on the bed.

Erestor looked alarmed at the leering elves crowding around him. Sure, he had had lovers before, and they always had seemed alarmed before. This was unexpected.

Unable to restrain himself any longer, Elladan slipped up along side Erestor, wedging Haldir out of the way. Almost shyly he reached out and grasped the veiny love tree in front of him. However, his large hand was not enough he found. Quickly his hand was joined by his brother's and soon Glorfindel’s, slicked with warmed oil. Erestor lost himself in the sensations assaulting him.. Elrond kissed and licked and nipped his neck, leaving marks the last vestige of his rational mind complained, briefly, but that was soon buried. Elladan continued to stroke him and was now mouthing and tugging on the mithril nipple ring he wore in his left nipple. But were was Haldir he wondered briefly, and opened his eyes. What he saw almost undid him on the spot. Haldir was seated behind Glorfindel, preparing him for the large cock. Haldir had already stretched Glorfindel enough to place four fingers in the pulsing love hole and as he poured more oil over his hand and tucked his thumb in his whole hand slid in. Glorfindel had been busy licking and sucking on as much of Erestor’s shaft as he could, but with this he stopped and groaned in pleasure as Haldir stroked him from the inside. He was ready NOW!

Making room for the blonde, The Peredhel moved off of Erestor. With agonizing slowness Glorfindel lowered himself onto the monster cock. Erestor’s eyes widened and then closed. Gods but tat felt good. Tight, hot ass surrounded his throbbing oozing member. Almost in slow motion Glorfindel flexed his thighs and lifted himself almost all the way off of Erestor and then slowly lowered himself until he was sitting on the slighter elf’s lap. He repeated the move a couple more times, his sweet spot tingled almost unbearable as it was almost constantly stimulated.

Surprising everyone, Erestor suddenly flipped Glorfindel onto his back and began to drive in to him. Marble buttocks flexed and relaxed as he thrust wildly. Baying like and animal Glorfindel came for the second time that night, almost dragging Erestor with him. One more brutal thrust and Erestor pulled himself out of the lovingly abused hole and spilled himself on the muscled stomach of the blonde warrior. Great long streams of milky essence poured from the twitching snake, and like starving kittens and a bowl of cream the other elves darted in the catch it and clean the twitching stomach of their friend.

Exhausted, Erestor collapsed to the side and watched in amusement. Maybe he SHOULD drink more often. With that thought he drifted off to sleep tangled in a pile of arms and legs.