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Since he was five years old, Kim Seokjin planned his life. He wanted to have a good job, emotional stability, and a partner who loved him as much as himself, all at such a young age. He initially wanted to be an astronaut, then a doctor and actor – that was the first change in his plans.
He didn't become any of those three; instead, he ended up pursuing a very different career: a composer. He enjoyed what he did, but if he told his five-year-old self that he would be working, writing lyrics that made no sense just to sell, maybe he would be disappointed, but he was fine. It's not like he didn't pay the bills with the royalties he received from the songs.
To his happiness, he had managed to achieve his other plans; he had a partner he was going to propose to in the coming weeks, just waiting for the right occasion – he was also a cheesy romantic, as his friends liked to call him – and his emotions were unshaken, a centered and well-resolved person.
Until that moment.
He didn't understand much of what he saw on the monitor screen, only that it was his spine. The doctor wasn't very helpful with technical terms that Seokjin thanked for not pursuing his second professional dream because he wouldn't be able to say that complicated word. The only thing he could understand was the word tumor and:
"Cancer?" his expression was neither scared nor surprised; he was in shock.
"We'll start chemotherapy this week; the earlier the treatment begins, the better."
"Did you say I have cancer?"
That doctor wasn't helpful at all.
"Yes. With chemotherapy, the survival rate is fifty percent..."
Seokjin didn't hear anything else; his mind was elsewhere. He didn't know what to think, what to do, whether to tell his boyfriend who slept like an angel every night beside him, whether to tell his mother who had just lost her husband to a degenerative disease, or his best friend and coworker.
"And what are the chances?" Yoongi asked concerned when he and Seokjin sat on the studio sofa they worked in.
"Fifty percent." Seokjin replied without looking directly into his best friend's eyes.
"That's good! Don't get discouraged; half is good!" the shorter one wasn't the best person in crisis situations like that.
"Yeah, either I die, or I don't." Kim's words were heavy, but he was already resigned, or so he thought.
"What are you talking about?" Namjoon entered the studio, putting the bag he was carrying next to the sofa and sitting in the chair in front of the equipment.
"It's not in—"
"I have cancer." Seokjin cut off Yoongi's speech, who looked at him bewildered.
Namjoon was sure he was in some kind of prank; he had no reaction and looked at Yoongi for some help, confirmation, and, seeing his heavy gaze, confirmed that it was real.
Seokjin moved his hands and got up from the sofa; that funeral atmosphere was killing him more than the cancer itself. He announced that he would get some water and left the two men embarrassed in the studio. Kim tried to take that situation as preparation to tell the other two people on his list of the most important.
Telling his boyfriend wasn't as difficult as Seokjin imagined. His boyfriend, Soohyun, tried to cheer him up with heart-shaped cookies he had made earlier, distracting from that chaotic situation while digesting everything in silence. Maybe if they ignored the problem, it wouldn't really exist.
So the day of starting chemotherapy arrived.
Yoongi was the one who left him at the hospital since Seokjin wasn't very comfortable driving; Soohyun claimed he couldn't due to work that was inflexible. Seokjin understood; he wouldn't let himself
He felt apathetic, as if the reason for being alive simply vanished in the blink of an eye; as if he were the leaves of trees arriving in autumn, losing the green color to an orange hue until they were dead and fell to be carried aimlessly by the wind.
Following the suggestion of his best friend – who talked with him as they returned from the hospital – Seokjin decided to seek a therapist to help him in his chaotic emotional state. He didn't even know where to find the mental strength to tell the last person who mattered most: his mom.
He researched thoroughly, wanting someone who knew how to deal with terminal patients, making him realize that he wasn't terminal, so he switched to someone who just knew what they were doing. So, he was sitting on the couch in a place, tapping his fingers on his leg while waiting for the therapist with an unusual name; he had never seen anyone named Jeon Jungkook before.
He looked at the watch on his wrist because the therapist was late, and, darn it, it had hands, and he didn't know how to read that type of watch; he only wore it because his boyfriend had given it to him as an anniversary gift. It was beautiful and seemed expensive, but useless to Seokjin.
He sighed, tired, and looked at the window that brought natural light. Thus, Seokjin was startled when a man younger than him, with a coffee stain and a cup lid stuck to his chest, rushed into the room.
"Forgive me for being late; I had some unforeseen events," he smiled awkwardly, showing teeth reminiscent of a bunny. Seokjin's consultation was right after lunch, so it made sense that the therapist was out, but his lateness was still uncomfortable, leaving Kim quite uneasy.
Another thing that bothered Seokjin was the fact that the man – who was now wearing glasses, sitting in the chair with crossed legs, and holding a notebook and pen – had an appearance reminiscent of a high school graduate: a face without any hair like a baby, barely noticeable acne, moles in specific places like the middle of the nose, below the mouth, and some on the cheeks; large deer-like eyes of very dark color, flawless eyebrows, and hair that could be considered long for a man.
"I think there must be some problem here," Seokjin said as he analyzed how that person seemed anything but someone old enough to finish college.
"Are you Kim Seokjin, twenty-nine years old, right?" Jungkook asked, and upon confirmation, he smiled sympathetically. "Then there's no problem."
"Sorry to ask, but how old are you?" Discomfort was evident in his voice.
"Old enough to be your therapist," he didn't speak aggressively; on the contrary, his voice had a playful tone. "I'm twenty-four."
"Have you done this before?" He gestured with his index finger, twirling it around.
"This?" Jungkook mimicked the gesture and quickly understood. "Ah, this. More than you imagine."
"I see." Seokjin mentally noted to curse Yoongi for suggesting that he choose therapists with the most unusual names because, according to Min, they were old and experienced. "It's just that you're so young, and... there's something stuck in your shirt."
Jungkook was quick to remove the cup lid that was stuck to his chest and apologized again for the inconvenience.
"We're not here to talk about my age; I want to know what you've been going through," Jungkook said gently. The older one couldn't tell if it was his beautiful voice or if that boy was genuinely good. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. We can talk about your family, your friends..."
"My family... I haven't told my mom about my cancer yet." Seokjin leaned against the couch and rested his head on the back. "She's going to be devastated," he murmured, his eyes fixed on some distant point, as if he were living the anguish of the situation in his mind.
Seokjin broke the news to the matriarch in the following week. He organized a dinner himself, with Yoongi's help, as Soohyun was at work and would arrive late. To support his friend, Min decided to stay for dinner and witness the whole scene that followed: comments about the food being too salty, arguments, more arguments, tears, hugs, and lamentations.
When Soohyun arrived home, he found Yoongi washing the dishes, and the bed where he slept was occupied by Seokjin and the elderly woman hugging. Her eyes were red from crying, and she gently stroked her son's soft hair, remembering how they used to be like this when Seokjin was eleven years old and still terrified of being alone in the dark. At that time, Mrs. Kim found it all so childish, and now she understood that feeling.
Seokjin's medium-length, soft, silky black hair, of which he was very proud, was starting to fall out due to chemotherapy, leaving his bedding covered in hair, not to mention his clothes when he went out or when the wind blew; it was a feast of strands. So, to end all that suffering, he decided to cut it off.
"Your hair is so beautiful, do you really need to do this?" Yoongi questioned with a cute pout on his lips while running his hand through the hair and, in doing so, taking some strands in his fingers.
"Sooner or later, I would have to, after all, I still need to serve in the army," he joked, picking up the trimmer.
"It's not the same thing; in the army, they let you keep some!" Yoongi murmured.
"Wanna try?" Seokjin offered the trimmer, and Yoongi seriously considered it. "Come on, it's not every day your friend asks you to shave his head!"
With a grimace, the shorter one took the trimmer and turned it on, being startled by its vibration.
"Did you buy this at a sex shop?" he asked, making Kim laugh lightly.
"That's why it was so expensive," he joked.
Yoongi's heart ached - figuratively - every time he ran the trimmer, and the strands fell into the sink and on the floor, but it was fun, so much fun that he finished the job faster than expected. When he looked in the mirror and saw Seokjin bald, he swallowed the laughter he wanted to let out; but he didn't need much since Seokjin was the one who started laughing. It was simultaneously sad and funny.
He was bald, without hair, devoid of capillaries, feeling like he was naked all the time, which made him wear a cap all the time. He still had the habit of running his hand through the now non-existent bangs; it was frustrating.
With the treatment to prevent the tumor from spreading and regressing, Seokjin became less energetic than before, now working from home - thanks to Namjoon, who gave him permission for that - and feeling lonely. He liked being alone, just not feeling lonely, especially because his boyfriend worked long hours, sometimes coming home after dinner. So Seokjin had dinner alone, that is, when he ate, because his appetite was on another planet.
One day, Soohyun came home early, bringing Chinese food for them. This warmed Kim's heart, and he enjoyed the moment, eating while they watched a comedy series. The atmosphere between them escalated from caresses to some pecks, then kisses on the face, neck, and soon they were devouring each other on the couch.
They went to the bedroom because it would be more comfortable. However, Seokjin, no matter how hard he tried, put his mind and body to work, couldn't really get into the mood. One thing they didn't tell him - well, they did, but he was so shocked that he didn't hear it properly - was that chemotherapy took away all libido. Even with Soohyun on top of him, planting kisses and marks on his neck, hands sliding over the slender body, it had no effect; nothing excited him.
He just wanted to sleep to stop the back pain.
Soohyun slept turned to the other side that night. He wasn't angry because he understood the situation, but deep down, he had a certain resentment and a fear that his boyfriend might be getting tired of him. And so, the only thing left on Seokjin's planning list was also changed; he no longer had a stable relationship.
Even when Soohyun took him to the hospital - a rare occurrence - they still argued in the car. The whole situation was stressful for Soohyun; he felt bad seeing his boyfriend coming out more exhausted from chemotherapy sessions, and their lack of time together. They were no longer the passionate couple they used to be. Fortunately for Seokjin, he didn't completely freak out because of his sessions with the young therapist; even though Jungkook was good at his job, Kim still felt uncomfortable about his age.
"Do you know my friend Yoongi?" Seokjin asked, and Jungkook nodded. This was already the fifth session, and Jungkook was well informed about Kim's social circle. "He keeps saying that Soohyun is holding me back, that he prevents me from finding someone who values me completely. But how can I agree with him? Soohyun works tirelessly, and I can't blame him. Sometimes, I think I'm a burden to my boyfriend."
"Why do you think that?"
"He would be much better off with someone else than with someone who can have a tumor spreading through their body at any moment."
Although he had studied for years to be there, gone through training, internships, studies, and was now close to finishing his master's degree, Jungkook still felt a bit tense at these moments. However, he tried his best to be proactive and not show his tension.
He arrived home a bit later because he needed to undergo some tests at the hospital. He was ready to take a good shower and go to bed, but he found Soohyun sitting at the dining table with a small box in his hands, and Seokjin was certain he was dead because his heart stopped at that moment. It was the ring he would use to propose.
"It was in your underwear drawer," Soohyun said, his eyes fixed on the little box. "When were you going to ask me?"
"It was supposed to be a surprise..." Seokjin murmured, approaching, but when he got close, Soohyun slightly dragged the chair in the opposite direction. He didn't understand; was he being rejected? "It's been a few months, but I postponed it. I don't think we're in an ideal moment for this..."
"I agree," Soohyun's words were cold. "Actually, I don't know if we'll ever have a good time to get engaged."
"What?" That caught Seokjin off guard.
"We're not the same anymore, Seokjin-ssi." Calling him as if he were a stranger left Kim even more shaken; his relationship was ending, and in that way. "We haven't been spending time together, I can't even remember the last time we had sex, and-"
"Are you breaking up with me because of sex?" Seokjin's words came out with disbelief and a touch of desperation.
"No, there's much more to it." Soohyun stood up from the chair and placed the box on the table, sliding it towards Seokjin. "It may not seem like it, but all this situation is equally stressful for me, and I don't know when it's going to get better... I love you, Seokjin-ssi, but I don't know if I can endure it anymore."
Seokjin's emotions were a true emotional storm; he oscillated between sadness and anger. Anger because his life was being ruined by that damn cancer; the relationship to which he dedicated years, the job he loved, and his emotional stability that he thought was good.
With emotional weight and pain - along with a bit of back pain - Seokjin grabbed his travel bag, which he had used once to go to Japan a few years ago, and put his clothes in it, not all, but the first ones he saw. When the bag couldn't be closed properly, he managed to close it with a lot of struggle. Before leaving the house, Soohyun stopped him at the door.
"Please, understand me, and... I'm sorry." He gently held his arm; Seokjin pulled away and tried not to show too much of his emotional state.
"I'll be back this week to get the rest of my things."
He concluded and called a car through the app on his phone to take him to the only place - besides his mother's house - where he could stay indefinitely.
He rang the doorbell of the apartment as soon as he reached the front door. There was no immediate answer, prompting him to press it two more times and hear an impatient "Coming" from inside. When the door opened, a shirtless Yoongi, only in shorts, with a somewhat disheveled face and a smell of weed emerged.
"Hyung? What are you doing here?" Yoongi was extremely surprised to see his best friend. "You should have let me know you were coming."
Before he could stop Seokjin from entering, the older one was already making his way into the apartment, paying little attention to Yoongi's grumbling asking him to wait a bit and the smell of marijuana permeating the apartment. Upon entering the living room, he regretted not listening to his best friend.
Seokjin was faced with a man who was as tall as him and as beautiful as a nude model on the couch, taking a hit from a joint, seemingly unconcerned about the presence of a stranger invading the apartment.
"Everything good, bro?" The unknown person with a deep voice spoke, evidently stoned.
"You guys are disgusting," was what Seokjin said before dragging his suitcase to Yoongi's room, reaching the room, turning around to find Min, now with a shirt on, and asking without filter, "Is there any place you two haven't had sex?"
"The studio."
"Great, I'll sleep there." As he already knew the place, he went straight to the studio and flopped onto the not-so-comfortable sofa for his back.
The following month, Yoongi, with whom he was now living, persuaded Seokjin to attend the art exhibition of his new boyfriend: Kim Taehyung, the man who was stoned and nude on the couch. Taehyung was calm, good-humored, and also of unparalleled beauty. He was an independent artist gaining recognition for his contemporary artworks.
Seokjin arrived at the gallery accompanied by Yoongi, who soon left to talk to his boyfriend. What was supposed to be quick turned into an eternity because Taehyung was greeting people and showcasing Yoongi as if he himself were a work of art. They had been together for barely a month, and Seokjin felt like he would vomit if he stayed near them.
He was looking at a painting, trying to figure out what it depicted, when a familiar voice called him.
"Oh, Seokjin-ssi!" That sweet and familiar voice made Seokjin snap out of his thoughts, and he turned around to face Jungkook, who was dressed differently from their weekly meetings. "What a surprise to find you here!"
"I could say the same." He was unenthusiastic.
"Do you usually come to the gallery?" The younger one approached to stand beside him.
"No." It was very strange to see Jungkook wearing a black leather jacket paired with tight jeans, as if he were a completely different person. "I'm just accompanying my friend; he's dating the painter."
"Oh, really?" Jungkook seemed surprisingly shocked, which startled Seokjin a bit. "My brother is the artist on display! Wow, what a small world..."
"But his last name is Kim..." Seokjin was utterly confused.
"We have different fathers but the same mother." He winked. "Have you met the hyung?" The other nodded, having met even more than he wanted to.
“He and Yoongi seem to get along well," Seokjin commented as he looked across the hall and saw Taehyung talking to some people while resting his hand on Yoongi's waist. The smile on Seokjin's face faded as the desire to go home increased; he wasn't the most social person and hated being surrounded by strangers. "I think it's my time to leave, it was nice meeting you, doctor."
"I'm leaving too. Truth be told, I'm not really into contemporary art; I just came to support my brother," it was information Seokjin didn't ask to know, but he was still grateful for it being shared. “Do you have a car?" he received a negative headshake. "Would you like a ride?" he pulled the silver keys out of his jacket pocket and shook them, perhaps using a hypnotic tactic to make Seokjin accept the invitation. Whatever his intention was, it worked.
Seokjin told him where he lived, and what he didn't expect was finding a black Harley-Davidson motorcycle and understanding the reason for the leather jacket. Jungkook got on the bike, grabbed a helmet, and offered another to Seokjin, who hesitated for a moment. He couldn't recall the last time he had been on a motorcycle, if ever, but he thought, when would he have another opportunity to ride such a beautiful bike with an even more beautiful rider? Perhaps it was the effect of chemotherapy or the fact that Jungkook looked extremely attractive in that way, a figure totally opposite to the young man from the office.
"I don't ride too fast, I swear!" Jeon exclaimed, and then Seokjin realized he had been standing still for too long, contemplating how handsome the therapist looked putting on the helmet of the same color as the bike and filming.
Deciding not to overthink it but still overthinking, he put on the helmet and got on the back of the motorcycle, unsure where or if he should hold onto anything. He barely had time to decide when Jungkook started the motorcycle and took off, causing Seokjin to grab onto his waist reflexively and notice that it was thinner than it seemed.
Initially, he was scared, but a few minutes later, Seokjin was more at ease, still holding onto the biker's waist and pressing his legs against his hips to stay steady. The wind hitting his body, even minimally; the adrenaline of speed and the freedom the motorcycle brought were things Seokjin asked not to end, but they soon arrived in front of the building due to Jungkook's speed - and he lied to Seokjin because he was anything but slow.
He got off the motorcycle almost stumbling because there was no other way, took off the helmet almost taking the cap with it, and handed it to Jungkook, who lifted the visor to look into the other's eyes.
“You're safe now."
“Thanks for the ride." He wanted to ride more on that beautiful motorcycle. He made a slight bow, being reciprocated, and before entering the building and Jungkook taking off again to go home, Seokjin retraced his steps and did something he might regret. “Would you like to come in for a cup of coffee?"
“You don't have to, I'm good."
"I insist, a way to repay the ride. I promise it will be quick."
Jungkook thought that maybe this was crossing a bit beyond the patient-therapist relationship, but he also eased the thought that it would just be a coffee, nothing more.
"If you insist." He took off the helmet looking like some kind of movie model.
Seokjin was quick to start the coffee machine; he never imagined he would need one until he had one. Yoongi was an angel for buying that machine where you just needed to insert the capsule and wait. While waiting for the coffee, Jungkook took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack by the entrance, revealing his tattooed arm from shoulder to wrist, something Seokjin would never have the privilege of seeing in a session because Jungkook always wore long-sleeved shirts.
"Funny, the last time I drank an iced Americano, it stained my favorite shirt," Jungkook referred to their first session.
“That has always intrigued me. How did it happen?" he asked while waiting for the machine to work.
“You know how it is, lunchtime, rushed people, crowded coffee shop, wrong order, stress, and bam!" he clapped his hands as if he had collided with something. "Iced coffee spilled on my chest, I was already late, and I couldn't ask for another shirt. It was a terrible first impression, wasn't it?"
“Honestly, I was so shocked by your age that I didn't even mind that stain." he heard the coffee machine finish, and he quickly acted. "You know, Jungkook," Seokjin began, pouring the iced Americano into a glass for the other, who was sitting on the countertop chair. "You know a lot about me, but I hardly know anything about you."
“It's my job to know about your life," he took a sip of the coffee.
“And can't I know a little about you?" his intention wasn't to sound seductive, but it ended up sounding that way by the way he leaned against the counter, looking Jungkook in the eyes and making him shy for a few seconds. “Not even why you wanted to become a therapist?"
"Why did you want to be a composer?" Jungkook countered, a way to change the subject.
"Because composing music is what makes me feel good."
"Well, I can say that my job makes me feel good." both of their smiles were involuntary, and they only noticed when their cheeks began to feel numb.
“Do you enjoy listening to other people's problems?" he asked, receiving a positive answer. “What a gossip."
“I'm flattered." he barely realized the coffee was already finished. "It's not just about listening to problems; I like helping, making the person feel better. That little time in the person's week that makes all the difference in their life, it's something I can't put into words." his eyes sparkled as he spoke.
"It's beautiful..." Seokjin didn't know if he was talking about the beauty of the guy or his words. "Your words... are beautiful." he corrected himself when he realized Jungkook blushed slightly.
They were clearly flirting without realizing, and it was risky and unethical. Seokjin didn't notice it immediately, but Jungkook did. He quickly cleared his throat, stood up, and announced that he would be leaving; he couldn't let that situation extend because he knew he wouldn't have self-control.
The next week's session was somewhat strange. While they were uncomfortable, they were also comfortable, and that was torturous. To make matters worse, Seokjin received the news the day before the session that he would have to undergo surgery to try to remove the tumor since chemotherapy wasn't working.
He was resigned to enter that operating room and come out so doped up that he could barely remember his own name, and for a moment, that was comforting. However, reality knocked on the door when he realized that coincidentally, his father's death anniversary was on the day of the surgery.
He wasn't paranoid, well, he was.
To make matters worse, he couldn't vent properly with Jungkook since maybe, just maybe, he was starting to like the guy. Perhaps that's why he wasn't as sad that Soohyun had left him; he couldn't say. Jungkook was handsome, in the best phase of life - considering they had a five-year age difference -, had a captivating personality, and a strong body for someone who graduated early from college. How did he manage his study, work, and gym time? Seokjin could barely handle his job and chemotherapy at the same time. He didn't know if what he felt was envy, admiration, or pseudo-passion.
Whatever it was, he couldn't fall in love, get involved with someone until at least he had hair on his head.
However, in this inability to vent properly, afraid of expressing himself because he might accidentally blurt out "I find you hot, and I want to rub my face on your chest," Seokjin had a breakdown days before the damn surgery.
And everything got even worse because what was supposed to be just two friends going out for a drink turned into a double date. Yoongi asked if he could invite Taehyung - he wanted to bring his best friend and his boyfriend closer - and Seokjin saw no problem, until they arrived at the place and found Jungkook accompanying the older brother.
Damn small world.
Yoongi had no idea that the therapist Seokjin talked so much about was Jungkook, and this certainly created a strange atmosphere that the couple didn't notice because they were in their own world. Jungkook also didn't expect to find Seokjin even though Taehyung's invitation explicitly mentioned they were meeting Yoongi.
Seokjin's world was spinning too fast, and it wasn't because of the drinks. He adjusted the striped beanie he was wearing and announced that he needed some fresh air because he wasn't feeling well. Yoongi was concerned, of course, but received a reassuring look from Seokjin, so he just nodded. They had been friends for so long that sometimes a glance was enough to understand each other.
He leaned against the bar wall, enjoying the pleasant atmosphere. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Maybe he should leave and pretend that nothing was happening or go back to the table and say everything he felt. He didn't know what to do, but whatever it was, he didn't have much time to think because he soon saw Jungkook leaving the bar with something in his hands.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked automatically and soon realized what Jungkook was carrying: a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, that was new. “Do you smoke?" he found his own question silly.
“Occasionally," he took a cigarette and put it in his mouth; he was about to light the lighter and protect the flame from going out when he realized. “Oh, sorry, how rude of me."
“No, it's okay, I don't mind. I 'share' the apartment with a train." 'Share' was too strong a word, invasion was more appropriate.
Jungkook stared at Seokjin with that cute look he had, totally contrasting with his body. It was funny how he seemed like two different people. Sure that everything was okay, Jungkook lit the cigarette in his mouth, took a deep drag before releasing it upward and in the opposite direction of the older man. Seokjin didn't know that Jungkook could become even more beautiful smoking something that caused cancer.
And his state of admiration was noticed by Jungkook, who pretended to cough to bring Seokjin back to reality.
"Are you okay, Mr. Kim?"
"I am." He was not okay. He looked to the other side of the street to avoid thinking about the image he had just seen. "It's just that the days go by, and my surgery is getting closer... how do you say it...? I'm anxious." He talked about anything that came to his mind to disguise.
"It's completely normal to feel this way." Was this some kind of free therapy? “If you want, we can talk about it."
Seokjin blinked more than he should have; he was frustrated. He didn't want this to be a conversation between a therapist and a patient. He wanted, at least once, to be able to talk to Jungkook as if they were two people without predefined roles.
“Could you please stop this?" Maybe it was the drink or just the lack of patience hitting him.
“I don't understand..." Jungkook found all of this strange.
“Stop pretending that there's nothing happening here." He pushed off the wall and stared at Jungkook, who kept looking at him with the same look as before. “That you don't realize that I like you."
“Friendly speaking?" He took the opportunity to take a drag.
Seokjin didn't know if Jungkook was kidding him or if the cigarette had burned his neurons.
“Sexually speaking!"
Now he was sure he was completely out of his mind when he kissed Jungkook suddenly when he lowered the cigarette, making the younger man widen his eyes initially from the surprise. A touch that lasted only a few seconds, but for them, it was as if the world had stopped. The kiss was interrupted by a series of coughs due to the poorly taken drag, separating them and making Seokjin realize what he had done.
“Sorry. It's time for me to go." He didn't even wait for Jungkook to stop coughing and left there as fast as he could. He felt like a teenager acting so immature, but who cared? Maybe Jungkook did, but he was going into surgery, and he didn't know if he would have another chance to live. His brain was a real mess.
Ignored all of Yoongi's insistences in the following days. The best friend was confused because Seokjin simply returned home out of nowhere, and Jungkook went back to the bar clearly affected. Seokjin didn't attend the session that week, and now he was in the hospital with his mother holding his hand, praying to all the existing gods while waiting for surgery. Seokjin wanted to say everything would be fine, but he didn't want to give false hope.
Outside the room where Seokjin was waiting to go to the operating room, Yoongi was tapping his feet and destroying another nail with his teeth; it was his penultimate one available. Seokjin hadn't even entered surgery yet, and he was already tense. Taehyung tried to calm him as best he could. Mrs. Kim came to join them, signaling that Seokjin had entered surgery. Yoongi didn't even have a nail left for this event.
After a few hours, a familiar figure entering the waiting room and sitting in the chairs on the other side caught Yoongi's attention. Taehyung didn't understand why Min had an angry expression on his face.
"What's that jerk doing here?"
"Who is he?"
"Seokjin's ex." He grumbled, clenched his fists, and stood up, with Taehyung holding his wrist. "After everything, he still has the nerve to show up here."
“Don't you want to go out for some fresh air?" He stood up and pulled him closer. "I don't want to see you behind bars."
Yoongi huffed and agreed, leaving with Taehyung.
They didn't notice when Jungkook entered the waiting room a while later, wearing a black mask and his prescription glasses, sitting in the chair, coincidentally, next to Soohyun. It was the only place that seemed calm since the others either had someone lamenting or were tense, and that could make him even more anxious. He wasn't so tense either because he knew the doctor performing the surgery. He ended up greeting the man next to him with a bow out of respect, even though he didn't know him.
When the couple returned to the waiting room with Yoongi calmer, Min was surprised by Jungkook's presence. They exchanged silent greetings and continued to wait for those hours that seemed like an eternity.
The familiar figure of the surgeon appeared, and Yoongi and Mrs. Kim were quick to approach. Jungkook just stood up and stayed by Taehyung's side, who held his hand, squeezing it for comfort. Soohyun remained attentive, sitting in his place.
“Doctor Park Jimin, tell me, how is my son?" The woman was the first to speak, and Yoongi agreed with her in wanting to know.
“The tumor obstructed some bones, so we had to remove some surrounding parts. — He began, and the terrified expressions of the two were almost comical. “We successfully removed the entire tumor. Some additional tests will need to be done, and monitoring for prevention in the coming months. He'll wake up soon and will be discharged shortly.” The doctor smiled slightly, but it was enough for his eyes to turn into two small lines.
“Oh, God! Thank you so much, Dr. Park!”Mrs. Kim made a somewhat desperate bow and then hugged Yoongi tightly, who returned the embrace.
Jungkook smiled beneath the mask, and Taehyung squeezed his hand, also smiling. When they received the news from one of the nurses — whose smile resembled the shape of a heart — that Seokjin was already cleared for visitors, Mrs. Kim hurried to see her son. Then it was Yoongi's turn — they were going one by one to avoid causing a commotion — but Taehyung stopped Yoongi again, which left him confused.
Seokjin was in pain all over his body due to the anesthesia. The first moments when he was doped up on the anesthetic drug were gratifying, but afterward, it was a true hell, as if heavy dumbbells were on top of him. He waited to see Yoongi enter through the door after his mother left, but who entered surprised him even more.
Jungkook was there at the door, and it wasn't a hallucination from the anesthetic drugs.
“Hi.“ Jungkook said timidly.
“Hi.”
“Can I come in?” He entered as soon as Seokjin nodded. “I promise not to turn this into a session.” He approached the hospital bed. “About what you said that night, I-“
“I'm sorry for acting so childish.” Seokjin cut off his speech. “I was frustrated with everything, and it was insensitive of me to unload everything on you like that. I know I was irresponsible to invade your personal space, not considering that our relationship is different from what happened.”
Jungkook blinked.
“ was going to say that I feel the same and that I only didn't kiss you back because there was smoke in my lungs.“ He didn't even remember exactly why he didn't kiss back, only that he needed to get all that smoke out. It shocked Seokjin, who now had his ears turning red. Jungkook had learned that this was a reaction of his body when he got embarrassed, shy. “You left without letting me say anything!”
“I was scared...”
“I know.”
“Anxious...”
“I know.”
“Embarrassed...”
“I know.”
“Are you going to keep playing therapist even here?” He seemed angry, but there was a small smile on his face.
“I can't be your therapist anymore, so no, I'm not playing therapist.“ Jungkook also had a smile, showing his white, protruding teeth.
“I know.“ Now it was Seokjin's turn to retort. “I would kiss you if my whole body weren't sore.”
Jungkook approached him, bringing their faces very close, almost touching their noses. It was funny to see each other that close; they even crossed their eyes.
“But I can.” Jeon whispered seductively, and the older one loved discovering a bit of that side. “Can I?”
Seokjin nodded and had his lips touched again, but this time, it was slower and more lasting.
What they didn't see was Soohyun witnessing the scene before entering the room through the small window in the door. He didn't bother to open it, just turned around in the hallway, passing by Taehyung, who was telling Yoongi about the two lovebirds in the other room. Min was perplexed by everything.
One thing Seokjin learned from those exhausting months was that he wasn't a dead leaf from a tree in autumn; he was the tree that had gone through all the seasons and was now reaching the spring days where he would bloom again.
Seokjin was restless, excited, and anxious. His hair was back on his head, short but back, and Yoongi was a trooper, making faces and disgusting sounds when changing the dressing on the surgery scar on his back. He deserved the Friend of the Century award.
“You can use my bed. There are condoms and lube in the drawer, and please, change the sheets before.” Yoongi said, making Seokjin redder than a tomato. He was already heading out.
“We're not going to have sex; it's just a casual dinner!” Seokjin defended himself, and Yoongi looked at him with a funny expression: a sideways smile and a raised eyebrow.
“If you say so.” Yoongi picked up his backpack with some belongings and headed for the door. “He's Taehyung's brother; he's going to be good fucker.” the teasing continued; Seokjin was ready to slap his friend and sleep on the street. Before Kim could complain, Yoongi opened the door and was startled to see Jungkook about to ring the doorbell with a rose champagne in hand.
“Good evening, brother-in-law!” he said cheerfully.
“Make sure you don't do anything stupid!” kept pointing at his eyes with two fingers, index and middle, to Jungkook and himself repeatedly. “I know where you live, kid! I can shave your head!”
“It was nice to see you too, brother-in-law!” Jungkook continued with the friendly smile, and Yoongi made a point of maintaining threatening eye contact until he took the elevator and could go to Taehyung's house. “He's funny.” he said, turning to Seokjin.
“Don't underestimate him; he's the one who left me bald.” he joked and made room for Jungkook to enter.
The dinner prepared by Seokjin went well; the food was well-seasoned, and you could see how much Jungkook liked it by his expression of joy. They drank a bit of smooth wine and finished the dinner by opening the rose champagne while talking about each other's families - meaning Jungkook talking about his family. It wasn't too much alcohol for them, but enough to get them slightly buzzed. In the end, Seokjin was finishing putting the dishes in the sink to wash later.
“And that's how I got this scar.” he pointed to his cheek, where there was a slight imperfection.
“Seriously, Taehyung attacked you over a video game?” Seokjin was incredulous at the story, but he still had a little smile.
“It wasn't just any video game! It was a state-of-the-art Gameboy!” he tried to defend his brother despite everything. “Cut him some slack; we were kids.”
Unconsciously, Seokjin approached more during the conversation and touched Jungkook's face, running his finger gently over the small scar.
“What's...? You don't like it...?” Jungkook became apprehensive, even though the scar was light, it was sometimes bothersome.
-“t's not that.” Seokjin's eyes met Jungkook's uncertain gaze; his thumb still rested on Jungkook's cheek. “Your scar is beautiful.” It was a somewhat strange compliment, but what doesn't a smitten person do that's a bit odd. “You’re beautiful”
The proximity between them increased, and that space between their mouths was undone, lips touching in a harmonious and slightly timid manner, as if they were testing the territory. Jungkook's hands were quick to grab Seokjin's waist and pull him closer, pressing their bodies together and making the tattooed man feel the pressure of the counter behind him; with that, the kiss deepened, becoming more needy and eager.
Seokjin took advantage of having his hands near Jungkook's head and ran his fingers through the silky brown hair, messing it up while feeling the soft texture and intertwining his fingers in some strands, pulling them briefly and making Jungkook groan against his plump lips.
What was supposed to be just a few kisses in the kitchen turned into two bodies with exploring hands and clothes going to the floor on the living room sofa; they didn't even make it to the bedroom because feeling the warmth of each other's mouths was much more important, especially with the presence of their agitated tongues. Unlike Seokjin, who had a slender body, Jungkook had a robust build, even with a slim waist, highlighting his thighs and chest.
Seokjin was with his back on the sofa that slept every day but was no longer complaining that it was uncomfortable; his shirt was a few meters away on the floor, and Jungkook was kissing his bare shoulders, descending touches down the chest until reaching the abdomen where he dared to slide his tongue over the clear skin and small traces of what was once a defined abdomen—unfortunately, Seokjin had lost much of the muscle definition due to treatment—sometimes making eye contact and leaving Seokjin embarrassed and full of desire.
Jungkook smiled provocatively when he reached the "path to happiness" because of how Seokjin's ears were burning with the blush, and he had covered his mouth with his hand to neutralize some sounds. Unbuttoned Kim's pants slowly, and Seokjin found it torturous because his cock was so hard that it was starting to hurt.
He was quick to remove all that cloth that prevented direct touch and to have the view he wanted so much. Before he could do anything else, Jungkook took Seokjin's arm and gently moved his hand away from his mouth, making it very clear what he wanted. Then he focused entirely on that erection that made him salivate, giving some kisses and licks until putting it in his mouth.
With the help of his hand at the base, stimulating along with his mouth, Seokjin pressed his head against the sofa and closed his eyes tightly, while one of his hands grabbed the silky hair again. He had to control himself not to force Jungkook's head down. Yoongi was right; Jungkook knew how to act.
His moans weren't too loud, but enough to echo through the apartment. To help, Seokjin adjusted and gathered Jungkook's hair that fell on his face into a kind of ponytail, using his hand as the hair tie. This gave him a better view; he had to control himself not to come because seeing and feeling were maddening. He thought he was going to lose it when Jungkook withdrew a bit to recover and then returned with everything, now without his hand, because he let it go deeper, making Seokjin hit his throat and roll his eyes in pleasure, squeezing the hair he held. It wasn't a complete deepthroat because Jungkook wasn't that experienced, and the size much larger than expected didn't help at all, but it was enough for a few more thrusts, and Seokjin almost went to heaven and back; he stopped the wonderful blowjob himself.
Jungkook groaned in pain when his hair was pulled, but nothing that really bothered him. This time, he returned to kissing Seokjin on the mouth and received a squeeze on his ass under the damn pants he still wore.
“What do you think...” Seokjin tried to say amid the kisses, so Jungkook pulled his face away a bit to look at him better and let him speak. “What do you think about going to the bedroom?” he asked with a voice exuding desire and squeezed Jungkook's ass again under the fabric. “It's more comfortable...”
No need to say it twice. Jungkook stood up, and Seokjin guided him to the bedroom, taking the rest of their clothes off along the way. Now it was Jeon with his back on the mattress, being jerked off by Seokjin's agile hand while being prepared with two fingers soaked in lubricant—which he grabbed from the drawer when they entered the room—in his entrance, which soon became three, stimulating both pleasure points at the same time; he wouldn't last much like this.
Seokjin stopped when the sweet moans became more intense, kissed Jungkook's cheek, and removed his fingers. He put on the condom that he had also placed beside them on the bed and positioned himself between the strong legs. Pouring lubricant over his own member, he slowly sank into Jeon's body, concerned if he would be uncomfortable with something, but his behavior was the total opposite. He leaned forward while gripping the strong thighs; the sound in the room was anything but silent.
When he finished fitting in, barely starting to move, Jungkook whispered in his ear in a husky manner that sent shivers down Seokjin's spine, contrasting with that sweet and angelic voice.
“I like it deep” Jungkook could feel how Seokjin's cock throbbed inside him. “and rough” If Kim had any trace of sanity, he didn't have it anymore.
Even if he wanted to, Seokjin kept a more moderate pace before digging his fingers into Jungkook's hip sides and thrusting against him, Jeon's back grazing against the soft mattress, and their moans escalating, ranging from curses to some compliments.
It was good to feel each other's excitement, their skins slapping, and obscene sounds making everything even better—slightly awkward caresses and eyes rolling from the constant pleasure running through their nerves. Utterly delirious.
Seokjin just had to adjust Jungkook's hips in a way that he could go deeper - as desired - and a few strong thrusts were enough for the younger one to climax right there, contracting his lower muscles and experiencing that peak of pleasure that left him airborne for a few seconds. Seokjin followed suit, almost losing his balance feeling squeezed so deliciously.
To avoid falling onto Jungkook's body—which he wouldn't mind—Seokjin threw himself to the side of the bed and felt his hand being grabbed by the other, intertwining their fingers as they caught their breath from the recent ecstasy.
After some time, they adjusted themselves and cleaned up, considering Jungkook's abdomen and chest were stained with their fluids. Seokjin cursed upon seeing the sheet with a few stains from what they had just done.
“Damn.”
“What's wrong?” Jungkook asked, concerned; Seokjin's expression was that of someone frustrated.
“This is Yoongi's favorite sheet. He's going to kill me.”
Jungkook didn't hesitate to laugh at the comment and pull Seokjin to lie down with him, embracing him and pressing his face a bit into his strong chest.
“He'll understand.”
“I hope so.” his voice came out muffled; he was loving that hug.