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When the crew had finally made it back to the hideout, they were all utterly exhausted. Gryffon and Queen quickly found a spot to lay down out of the way, leaning into each other wearily. Jay visibly shook as she leaned into the corner of the small room the three captains were sharing. She stayed sitting up, facing the rest of the room and door, like the danger wasn’t over for her yet. Gill guessed it wasn’t really over for any of them yet, it never was.
Wordlessly, Gill and Chip laid down next to each other on the cold stone floor. Gill slowly pulled Chip into his chest, not having the energy to be embarrassed about the affection. They both needed some form of comfort after everything that had happened. Usually, on the rare occasion Chip and Gillion cuddled, Gill’s favorite part was Chip’s idle movements, the rise and fall of his chest, the gentle sound of his heartbeat, the heat radiating from his tattoos. It reminded him that his best friend, his person, was safe, that no matter what had happened, Chip was still here. That’s why when Gill wrapped his arms around him, he had to force himself to start breathing again. He’s so cold, Gill realized jarringly, Fuck, when did he stop breathing?
Gill was surprised to find he still had tears left to cry today, he thought he’d run out at least a few hours ago. He held Chip tight against his chest, silently grieving the death of his best friend.
“Gill, bud, you… uh doin’ alright?” Chip’s voice croaked, he was looking up at Gill now.
“It’s just,” He paused, trying to find the words, “been a long day.” He couldn’t find a gentle way of phrasing holding the literal corpse of my sun, moon, and, stars is little upsetting to me.
“Yeah,” Chip mumbled, leaning back against Gill. Gill brought his hand up to his hair, running his fingers through it, trying to help him sleep. Chip has had, objectively, a much worse day, so Gill really shouldn’t be the one complaining. He guessed that it was working because Chip’s regular fidgeting stilled and he relaxed fully into Gill. Normally, his breathing would also even out and he’d snore softly. Gill always thought it was kind of cute, but, now, he might not hear it ever again.
Gill wasn’t able to fall asleep for a while, his mind kept replaying the day’s events, everything horrible that he could’ve done something about but didn’t. One of the worst parts, when he stabbed one of the heart’s in Captain Widow, stuck out to him. The pure nausea that crashed like a wave over him, Oh god I just killed Chip. He would’ve never been able to forgive himself, let alone live without him. Gill knew he was spiraling again, Jay and Chip have been helping him recognize when he started to get like this and how to calm down. He would always just try to focus on Chip’s breathing, reminding himself that he’s okay. When he tried to concentrate on the man in his arms, it just made everything so much worse. Chip was completely still, limp, and so so cold.
“Fuck,” Gill couldn’t stop himself from nudging him gently, “Chip? Please wake up.” Chip pulled back slightly to look up at Gill. He met his eyes, they were empty. Gill felt his stomach drop for a moment, Chip just cocked his head causally, looking confused. “I’m sorry, nevermind, go back to sleep,” Gill backtracked immediately realizing how dumb he was being.
“No, wait, what’s wrong?” Chip reached and held his face gently. His hands were ice against Gill’s face, but it was still comforting.
“I just,” Gill looked away, embarrassed, “got worried, it’s nothing.”
“Worried?” Chip pushed.
“Yeah.” Gill didn’t elaborate.
After a minute, Chip sort-of mumbled, “It doesn’t seem like nothing.” He didn’t push any farther but he kept his hands on Gill’s face and didn’t look away.
“I…” Gill swallowed down a distressed chirp, “I’m not used to all of the changes yet, I guess.” It was a half answer that danced around the actual issue, but he wasn’t lying which was all that really mattered, right? Chip understood anyway, he always did.
“I could stay up until you fall asleep?” He suggested.
“I would never-”
“‘-Never ask that of me’ I know, you’re not asking,” Chip interrupted, “I’m offering.” Gill looked back at Chip then, searching for something, anything that told him he was overstepping, asking for too much, that he was unwanted. He couldn’t find it. “Just, here,” Then, Gill was leaning against Chip, “let me be there for you.” Chip started to run his cold fingers through his hair and humming sweetly in his ear.
Sleep still took much longer than normal for Gill to reach, but Chip never stilled. He waited for as long as it took, like being there for Gill was the only thing he wanted to do. In the last, hazy moments before Gill fell fully under, he realized the only thing he really knew right now was that he needed to find a way to fix Chip. His entire belief system has been turned on its head, his entire childhood was a traumatic lie, and yet, he only cared about saving his best friend. Even if it kills him, Chip will breathe again.