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>You spot him at the end of the hall.
>The star of the school and captain of the boxing team
>You haven't known him for long as you've just transferred here
>But actually, you can't say you know him at all
>You can never bring yourself to speak when he's near
>You have however, seen him a lot. In the hallways you have no business in, in the boxing gym you have no business in, and on his way home from school when you live in the other direction.
>You nod to yourself. He apparently doesn't have a girlfriend but that changes today!
>Summoning your courage, you think of all the romantic pick up lines you've seen in your otome games and try your luck.
>You walk up to him, but his back is turned.
>You open your mouth and... nothing.
>You try to force words out, but are starting to squeak more than speak.
>Akihiko turns around and walks away without glancing in your direction.
>You hope nobody saw that and head home, where you flip through a confectionery cookbook you got at the library and live the fantasy of him ever tasting them
>The next day, you're walking down the hall, when you see him again.
>You focus your mind, assuring yourself that you'll be able to say something this time.
>Just as you're sure you'll get the words out, you're pushed aside by two senior girls who brazenly ask him out.
>You walk away, dejected.
>It's over. Your chance just flew by. He's going to go out with those pretty girls and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
>You begin contemplating sneaking into the custodian's closet to guzzle down every cleaning chemical you can find, when you're suddenly knocked to the ground.
>You mentally cast a curse on the fool who can't watch where they're going.
"A-are you alright?"
>You look up at the voice.
>It's him.
>You see the girls starting at you with contempt.
"Sorry about that, I was in a hurry to get somewhere else and..."
>It's too much. You can't say anything to him. The eyes of the girls hurt even more. You can't control the tears.
"I-is it that bad? Look, I'll get you to the nurse-"
>The stress is overwhelming you. You take off down the hall. You can swear that you hear girls laughing from behind you, but it might also just be your head playing tricks on you.
>You get home and close yourself off in your room as you imagine terrible situations that might arise from this.
>You try to calm yourself down by thinking happy thoughts, but those thoughts just aren't there.
>The next day you decide to eat lunch somewhere isolated.
>You're not so far gone as to hide in a bathroom stall and eat your lunch, but after yesterday you aren't far from it either.
>Luckily you find a nice empty bench in the courtyard.
>You're eating some cheap bread by itself because the only sandwich meat you had at home is that weird one with the slimy texture that you can't even force yourself to eat.
>Still, bread by itself isn't all bad and the fluffy texture helps you forget abo-
"Oh, it's you."
>You tense up and bite right through the bread, narrowly avoiding your tongue too.
>Akihiko seems to have walked out of the gym and spotted you.
>He walks around to stand in front of you.
>You were in no way ready for this and your stress is rising at an exponential rate.
"Sorry about yesterday. You must've gotten hurt pretty badly."
>You're nearly hyperventilating.
"I gotta say though, that sprint was pretty impressive. Do you play any sports?"
>You're breathing through your teeth. It's hard to describe what kind of face you're making, but it feels like a mixed expression of an fear and pain.
>You hope that Akihiko will be able to recognize the expression you're making and understand that you can't eloquently express yourself and that he'd take it upon himself to ease your nerves.
>But he doesn't know what the hell he's looking at.
>To be fair, you wouldn't either.
"R-right... Well, I wanted to make it up to you. What do you say to a free dinner? Anywhere you like... well, almost anywhere."
>Your brain feels like it was plugged it into an electrical socket.
>You start breathing heavily.
"Hey, are you okay?"
>You force yourself to nod.
"If you say so, so... dinner, on me?"
>You're having trouble nodding a second time so you pull your chin down with your hand and push it back up.
"A-alright... I'll see you after class then..."
>You don't finish your lunch.
>You didn't hear the bell.
>The only bells you're hearing are wedding bells.
>It's happening. All of your dreams have suddenly come true.
>Yet your mind isn't at ease. It's flashing between "Just Married" and him never speaking to you again once he realizes how weird you are.
>A teacher that spotted you out a window calls out to you, snapping you back to your senses.
>You rush to class.
>After school gets out, you take your sweet time packing up.
>This should be the best day of your life, but it's not. Your nerves are all over the place and part of you is hoping he was just playing a joke on you because you're not sure how you'd deal with it if he wasn't.
>You step out of the class and peer into the hallway.
>He's not there.
>You head down the stairs into the entrance.
>He's not there either.
>You're filled with hope and despair at not seeing him yet.
>But as you step outside and see him waiting by the school gates, your hope and despair changes to despair and hope.
>Your legs feel like they're filled with lead as you step towards him.
>Those same two girls from yesterday are talking to him. You try to escape the notice of all three of them, but they see you long before you get close.
>You try to walk by them. You don't notice one of them sticking their foot out in front of you.
>You fall, the girls giggle.
>But you don't hit the ground.
>An arm is under your waist, hoisting you back to your feet.
"Why would you do that?!"
>Akihiko sets you up straight and glares at one of the girls. She stops laughing and lets out a string of "uh"s and "um"s.
>Akihiko looks at you.
"Are you alright?"
>You're shaking in place so fast that it feels like you might vibrate into another dimension, but you still manage to let out several small consecutive nods.
"Then let''s get out of here."
>He starts walking away.
>It takes you a moment to realize that you're supposed to be following him.
>It takes another moment to actually get yourself to do it.
>You walk a bit behind Akihiko, content to look like a stalker if it means you'll have some reprieve from the building stress.
>Akihiko slows his pace to let you 'catch up'.
>He slows his pace up to and including a complete stop with you still behind him and slightly to the left.
>He looks back at you.
>You try to avoid eye contact.
>He notices you crossing your arms and shivering.
"Are you cold?"
>You shake your head.
>He's looking at you, trying to decipher what you're thinking.
>You don't know what you'd say anyway so you start walking in front of him.
>He steps to your side.
"I don't mean to be rude but... you're a strange girl."
>Here it comes. The beginning on the end, he's starting to notice and soon the dream will come to an end.
"Uh, I didn't mean strange GIRL, you're just kinda strange in general and uh... that's not any better."
>It's kind of amusing, but you can't smile yet.
"That sounded rough, didn't it? I don't mean that in a bad way. Most of my friends are strange themselves."
>It makes you feel just a bit better.
>You both sit on the train in silence. It's painfully awkward, but it does help you get slightly accustomed to being near him. By the end of the train ride, you almost don't feel like you're dying just being in his presence.
>You step off the train.
>Akihiko leads you towards a strip mall.
"All my favorite places are in here. What about you?"
>You look over the buildings from a distance.
>You see ramen shop on the second story and point to that.
"Hagakure, huh? Good choice."
>You sit in at the ramen shop with your hands firmly tucked between your thighs and your gaze turned down.
>When the chef calls out for your order, Akihiko orders himself an extra large of the special.
>The chef turns to you.
>You open your mouth but you can't get any words out.
>Akihiko starts to worry.
"She'll have what I'm having!"
>He turns to you.
"Oh sorry, I got ahead of myself. Are you fine with that?"
>You nod.
>A slightly more comfortable silence fills the air until Akihiko decides to break it.
"You don't talk much."
>His brow furrows.
"Actually, I don't think I've heard you speak yet."
>You look away.
"Are you uh... mute?"
>You get an idea. Not a very good one, but it might be enough to save your bacon.
>You slowly nod your head.
>Akihiko breathes a sigh of relief.
"So that's what it is. I was starting to worry you might hate me."
>You wear disbelief on your face, or what you think disbelief looks like.
>You smile and shake your head rigorously.
>He leans back in his chair.
"Maybe it's not such a bad thing, usually I don't like girls."
>You're unsure of how to interpret that.
"N-n-no, that came out all wrong! Normally girls are really loud and annoying so I was just saying it could be a good thing if you can't..."
>Akihiko trails off and drops his head on the table.
"I'm just making it worse..."
>With a shaky hand, you reach out and pat him on the back.
>Something about him fumbling his words fills you with enough courage to touch him.
>The chef calls out your order. You head to the counter to pick them up.
>Akihiko looks hesitant to dig in.
"Listen, I'm not very good at communicating. That should be obvious..."
>You nod your head and wave your chopsticks between the two of you.
"Heh, is that supposed to be a joke?"
>You smile.
"I just hope you won't hold it against me."
>You shake your head and start eating.
>The rest of the meal passes uneventfully.
>After eating, you step out into the streets.
>Akihiko looks as if he's not sure what to say
>You pull out your phone and poke him with it.
"Hm? Yeah I suppose we can."
>He pulls out his phone and trades numbers with you.
"Feel free to call an- oh. Well, send a message whenever you want. Just don't spam it, please?"
>You nod and send him your first text, thanking him for the meal.
"Don't worry about it. And sorry again for running into you."
>You motion your head in the direction of your house.
"Well, I live that way. I suppose I'll see you around."
>You waved good-bye, spun on your heel, and started walking.
>You wanted to act cool and keep walking, but you couldn't really help yourself and turned back to see him walking away more than a dozen times.
>It'd be nice if the stress was entirely gone, but it wasn't. Yet, you still felt energized in a way you didn't really understand.
>Each step you took felt lighter than the last.
>When you got home, you practically bounced all the way to your room.
>Excitement, joy, and love were practically spilling from your every pore and it took every ounce of restraint to keep yourself from squealing uncontrollably.
>You lay on your bed and look at your phone, seeing his number, THERE, on YOUR phone
>You laugh, not really knowing what else to do.
>Ecstasy takes over your imagination, leading to euphoric day dreams.
>It takes most of the night for you to settle down and a few boosts of serotonin from rather shameful activities may have played a hand in it.
>You get out of bed and catch your reflection in the mirror.
>Something is strange about it and it grabs your attention.
>The girl in the mirror is wearing a smile you've never seen before.
>It's almost hard to even recognize her.
>But the mirror reminds you of that one truth that's been nagging at you from the back of your mind.
>You're still you. You pretended to be mute, hoping a boy would like you more for it than if he knew the truth.
>You're still weird, and it's inevitable that he's going to find out.
>The question of what he's going to do when he finds out sticks with you long after you look away and well into the morning.
>The next day, you try to shut out those thoughts by focusing on your schoolwork.
>Without the confidence boost you had from yesterday, you're back to your reserved self.
>You did check a few times to make sure that Akihiko's number was really there, but for some reason, the more real it felt to see it, the more anxious you felt simply existing.
>You headed to practice after class, hoping some exercise might do you some good.
>You absentmindedly played and missed more shots than usual.
>You decided to head straight home after practice.
>Seeing Akihiko now might be a bit much for you to handle.
>You head out into the courtyard...
>Where you spot another girl grilling Akihiko about "that slut you were with yesterday".
>Akihiko spots you, brushing off the girl he was ignoring, and calls out to you.
"Hey, I was just heading home, do you want to-"
>It really was more than you could handle. The girl staring at you with pure disgust only exacerbated the situation.
>You took off running, full sprint, past Akihiko, through the school hall, out the entrance and to the gates.
>Akihiko slides in front of you outside the gates.
"W-wait!"
>You feel compelled to stop, if for no other reason than not crashing into him.
>Akihiko huffs and puffs.
"Just... gimme a second... that's some sprint you've got."
>You fidget to yourself while you wait for him to catch his breath. You also wonder how fast he must have been going to get in front of you.
>Akihiko stands up straight and clears his throat.
"Please don't listen to any of it."
>You genuinely wonder what he's talking about.
"Some girls have been saying some nasty things about you. I don't believe any of it but..."
>Akihiko is wearing a nasty scowl on his face.
"People think they can just say whatever they want about others..."
>He puts his hand on your shoulder. His grip does funny things to you.
"Don't them get to you. You're not that kind of girl."
>You feel a little guilty about him being so willing to defend you when you're not being entirely honest with him.
>You try to tell him the truth, but you're finding it harder to speak now more than ever.
>He asks if you want to walk home with him.
>You walk beside him. As he talks you find that you have a surprising knack for communicating in hand gestures.
>There were only a few times that you felt the need to text him what you meant.
>Overall, it was a very stimulating conversation despite you not having spoken a single word.
>Before you knew it, you were already standing outside your house.
>You wave your hand between the two of you and point inside with raised eyebrows.
"I... I really shouldn't. My friends will start to worry if I'm gone too long."
>You try to put on a pouting face, but end up just looking like you sucked on a lemon.
"Uh-huh... Anyways, I'll see you around."
>He walks away.
>You watch him walking away from your doorstep and catch him looking back. He gets flustered and speeds up his walk.
>You definitely feel a lot more confident about being able to make this work.
>You step inside and realize that this was a day your parents had to work late on and it would have been a perfect opportunity to just drag him in, force him on your bed and-
>You try to slow yourself down before you get too worked up. You still have a chance without resorting to such drastic measures.
>But you don't entirely take drastic measures off the table either.
>You try to think of ways to win him over, but can't think of anything particularly romantic.
>Part of you wants to text him that you miss him already.
>Another part of you just wants to take a picture up your skirt and hope he likes what he sees.
>Eventually your analysis paralysis leads to you making no bad decisions at all.
>You put your phone in a drawer to keep you from doing something stupid while you spend the rest of the evening practicing your baking skills (in your head, at least).
---
>You empty your head and unsuccessfully attempt to focus on your homework.
>When you look back at your clock and it says that it's well past midnight, you crawl into bed.
>You vaguely recall having a dream involving Akihiko and ketchup-flavored toaster waffles. You feel it's best left forgotten.
>You leave a bit early to walk to a different train station than usual.
>At the station, you hear a pleasant voice behind you.
"It's you. You take this station too?"
>You didn't, but you do now.
>Akihiko rubs the back of his neck.
>Your hypothetical book of basic human interactions tells you that he's anxious, nervous, or irritated.
>You guess he's irritated.
>You begin to feel awkward for coming all the way out on the hopes of meeting him at the train station.
>Akihiko puts his back down and makes a series of clumsy gestures with his hands.
>You think he might be making fun of you.
"That was 'hello'. I didn't screw that up, right?"
>It hits you like a bag of bricks. He was signing for you.
>You want to shower him with verbal praise but know that it wouldn't come out right, among other issues it causes.
>You clap your hands with a wide smile on your face.
>Akihiko tries to hide his reaction too it.
"C'mon, let's get going."
>On the train, you get to sit next to him
>Your excitement is bubbling up and you can hardly stop yourself from wearing it on your face.
>There's space between you.
>You desperately want to close the gap. You also want to do other things including wrap yourself around his arm, but you need to have a smaller obstacle to overcome first.
>Try as you might though, your butt is glued to the seat and an invisible force forbids you from doing what your heart desires.
>Akihiko tries to break the silence
"I'm not much of a talker... You can ask me anything, if you want."
>You quickly whip your your phone.
>You sit and stare at it, trying to think of something.
>There are a million things you want to ask him, but when you finally have the chance, you're blanking.
>[Do you like m-]
>Delete.
>[What type of girl do yo-]
>Delete.
>[Do you want to have babi-]
>DELETE.
>You sigh, being defeated once again by your screwy brain.
>But you still don't want to miss this opportunity.
>You think long and hard.
>[What's your family like?]
>Send.
>Akihiko looks grimly at the message.
"That... that might have to wait for another day."
>You can't read his expressions for shit, but you can feel pain exuding from him.
>It makes you want to hold him.
"This is our stop anyway."
>He walks off.
>You follow him all the way to the school entrance where he turns to face you.
"The boxing gym. You can usually find me there after class."
>Of course, you already knew this, but it seems this time you might actually be welcome.
>You head to your class on day-dreaming and spend half of it taking a nap and salivating over your "boyfriend".
>You're woken up by a textbook being dropped next to your desk.
>Nobody claims responsibility, but many students are laughing.
>You regress into your contemplative shell.
>You're forced to stop and think about your relationship with Akihiko.
>He's not actually your boyfriend... yet.
>But there's also the matter of why he's even talking to you.
>He's the star athlete of the entire school, he has girls asking him out every other day, and on top of that his grades are apparently great too.
>You to think of any reason that he's talking to you, but your best guess is that you're some form of amusement for him.
>That's it, isn't it? You're a sideshow for him.
>You lay your head in your arms.
>Your mind deceives you, telling you that you're finally looking at this with a sober clarity.
>You try to fight against it.
>You know you're not thinking straight.
>Your mind flashes memories of him.
>You see a genuine warm smile, a genuine laugh, a genuine blush.
>Everything you can remember of him tells you that he's as genuine as it gets.
>You try to overanalyze it some more and start to feel some sense of camaraderie, like someone might finally be able to understand you.
>That warm feeling helps push away your intrusive thoughts.
>You head to the boxing gym after class.
>Akihiko is in the ring, preparing to spar with a team member.
>You feel thankful that the boxing outfits don't include shirts and enjoy the eye-candy.
>He sees you, only acknowledging your presence with a glance before the bell rings and his attention is focused on the match.
>Akihiko jumps into the clinch and lets loose on his sparring partner.
>It didn't take long before his partner called it quits.
>After Akihiko receives a minor scolding for trying a little too hard, he apologizes to his sparring partner claiming he had his reasons.
>He sits next to you and watches the next few sparring matches.
>He pulls his gloves off, revealing his hands wrapped in bandages.
>You panic seeing it and nervously point to his hands.
"These? Don't worry, they're there so I don't get hurt."
>He unwraps one hand to show you that it's damage free.
"See? There's nothing to worry about."
>Without asking, he commentates the matches for you. You suspect he might just be talking to himself, though.
>When the last match is through, he tells you to stay put while he goes into a meeting with the team.
>You're left there alone with your thoughts... and his gloves.
>When Akihiko goes out of sight, you pick them up.
>Your first instinct is to sniff them.
>It's... not unpleasant. You were certainly expecting worse.
>You slide them over your hands. They're still warm.
>The thought of indirect hand-holding thoroughly excites you.
>The gloves are still a bit too large for you, but that doesn't stop you from playing around with them.
>There shouldn't be a problem as long as you put them back before-
"They look good on you."
>Before that.
"A-are you interested in boxing?"
>You nod to avoid the truth, yet again.
"I can show you a few things, but let's wait until people clear out."
>You tensely waited, wondering what kind of a hole you were digging yourself into this time.
>As the last of the boxing team shuffled out, Akihiko grabbed a strange pair of rectangular gloves and stepped into the ring.
"C'mon up. We won't do anything crazy, so don't worry."
>You fumble your way onto the platform, trying to climb under the rope.
>You look ashamed.
"Hey, don't worry about it."
>He helps you to your feet.
"A lot of boxing comes down to the mentality. You can never really know if you're going to win or lose, but can't ever consider losing either. You just have to give it your all, outcome be damned. You've already taken the first step by getting into the ring, don't back out now."
>Akihiko seems deadly serious.
>You don't have an easy reaction for it. It's not something you've ever really applied to your life. You just let it sink in and nod.
"Good. Now show me your box stance."
>You know a ball stance that you're itching towards where you curl up into a ball and cry. But you feel that Akihiko might like you a lot less for it so you push past it.
>But without knowing what to do or how to meet his expectations, you freeze.
>He shakes his head.
"Square your shoulders, angle in your non-dominant hand, and stand with your feet shoulder length apart."
>You adjust your position slightly, but you didn't really catch any of that.
>He has a someone pained expression. It's getting harder to exist by the moment.
>He hovers his hands over you.
"I... er- can I?"
>He seems reluctant to touch you.
>You pull his hand to you.
>He stands behind you and adjusts your pose, only lightly laying his hands on you.
>His touch sends shocks through your body
>Your muscles aren't working the way you want them to
>Overall, it makes the already painful process even more difficult.
"C'mon, just... like... that."
>Satisfied with your stance, he backs off and dons those weird rectangle gloves.
>He walks you through your jabs and basic combos, stopping on occasion to fix your stance.
>You weren't terribly impressive, but he didn't seem to mind.
>After working up a sweat with Akihiko in the gym, he basically dragged you out of the ring.
"Trust me, you don't want to get locked in here at night."
>You tried to signal that you wouldn't mind if he was here, but whether or not you got the point across was moot because he was looking in the other direction.
"Oh, and one more thing... if we do this again, please wear something other than a skirt."
>Your face grows flushed, not realizing what he might have seen.
>As you walk out, you play on your phone, typing up things you want to say to him but can't bring yourself to send.
>It's almost therapeutic to get those thoughts out of the way without actually saying them.
>On the train ride back, you tried to ask Akihiko what kind of music he listens to
>But when the question was inevitably tossed back at you, you dodged it about as well as a cripple would a bullet.
>Akihiko laughs.
"It can't be that bad."
>You pull out an mp3 player. Your hands tremble in shame.
>Akihiko leans in to take a look.
>You close your eyes as he renders judgement on your forsaken soul.
"Hm."
>You open your eyes.
>Akihiko isn't looking anymore.
>You wonder if he thought it was as bad as you do.
>He seems to notice your curiosity.
"Sorry, but I can't really say anything about something I've never heard of. The titles are interesting, I suppose."
>You feel relief beyond measure.
>In your post-disaster avoidance boost of confidence, you think it'd be a good idea to offer an earphone to Akihiko.
"I don't know if it'll be my cup of tea..."
>You offer it again.
>He takes it.
>You both listen to songs that you've carefully curated to be minimally cringe-inducing.
>You follow Akihiko off the train.
"That extra sparring helped me work up an appetite. How about it?"
>How about what? Is he asking for your opinion on his appetite?
"It's not a big deal if you can't."
>Can't... what?
>Your eyes dart around as your brain scrambles to make sense of his statements.
"I'm buying."
>Buying?
>It all clicks for you suddenly. Dinner, he's offering to buy you dinner.
>Your face lights up as you rapidly nod.
"Ah, good. I was worried I'd lost you for a second."
>You don't understand exactly what he meant there either.
>You make a mental note to reduce your gluten intake and hope that helps.
>You let him decide what restaurant you eat at this time.
>During dinner, you slowly start to digest what Akihiko was saying about boxing.
>With it, you realize that you've stepped into the ring with Akihiko in a different way.
>You need to take a step forward rather than running away.
>You can't consider losing as an option.
>You have to get in arm's reach before you can jab.
>You need to finish with a cross and...
>You don't actually know what a cross would be in that metaphor.
>Maybe something like a finishing move? Marriage, maybe?
>No, that'd imply he could dodge it and counter.
"Are you alright? Your food is going to get cold."
>You realize that you've been spacing out so hard that you didn't even notice your order arrive.
>You gobble it down with gusto.
>You step out of the restaurant. Akihiko pauses where you'd split ways.
"I'll see you around, right?"
>Without knowing what you're doing, you take a step forward, send out a jab with your lips and connect with his cheek.
>But you're not quite as brave as you'd want to be and those same feet that carried you forward are now turning and making a mad dash down the street before you can see his reaction.
>Later that night you sit in the shower, contemplating the sum of your bad decisions, hoping in vain that the water can wash away your troubles.
>When this proves fruitless, you get out and return to your room.
>You pick up your phone and see that you have a message from Akihiko.
>You sit and stare at the message icon for a dreadful half-hour before daring to read it.
>[We need to talk, meet me at the shrine tomorrow.]
>You drop your phone.
>This is it. The harsh wall of reality you have to face and it's getting closer by the minute.
>The pressure feels like it's crushing your body.
>Should you just admit the whole truth and promise to never speak to him again?
>Or maybe you should just play dumb and pretend it was an accident.
>Regardless, you spend the rest of the night in contemplation hell.
>The morning did eventually come. You had the day off from school but you almost wish you didn't. Something, anything to get you out of this.
>You reluctantly drag yourself out the door.
>You walk to the shrine feeling like you're walking up to a guillotine, ready to lop your head off for your sins.
>You walk up the steps of the shrine and see Akihiko waiting for you across the court.
>He stares you down, or maybe is sizing you up.
>If he was angry, happy, or sad, you wouldn't know. You can't bring yourself to look him in the eye.
>You shuffle over, standing a few paces from him. Keeping some distance between you two.
>The world is silent, only adding to the silence between the two of you.
"So..."
>You're already wincing at a single word.
"I asked around about a mute girl that might be in one of my friend's classes. Funny thing is, nobody has heard of such a girl."
>You wonder if you can get lucky by just not having been in one of their classes.
"And then I asked Mitsuru Kirijo if she knew of such a student and she assured me that no such student existed."
>You curse that frigid bitch in your head.
>Akihiko lets it sink in. Or maybe he's not just not sure what to say.
"I can't say I'm a fan of being lied to. Even less, looking like an idiot in front of my friends."
>You can hear his sigh.
"Well? I want to hear it from your own mouth."
>The pressure puts a pain on your chest.
>Your lips are quivering.
>You think he hates you.
>Your jaw is wired shut.
>You try to tell him the truth. You try to tell him anything.
>But the only things coming out are tears.
>The dream is over, your heart is crushed. It's time to face reality again.
>When the tears don't stop, you feel your only recourse is to run away.
>Yet you can't even do that.
>You turn and shuffle to the steps where your body collapses on you.
>You sit on the steps.
>You're content to die here.
>You can't see much of anything through the tears but your brain tries to tell you that you see Akihiko walking down the steps and away from you forever.
>You let the tears flow.
>You couldn't stop them if you wanted to.
>You try to come to terms with it.
>You think of suicide.
>You try to be rational.
>But your emotions have control right now.
>Something brushes against your face, taking away some of the tears.
>When touches the other cheek, you realize it's a handkerchief. You follow the hand holding it to the arm and to the man himself.
>Akihiko is sitting next to you.
>You recoil in fear, but you're already against a wall.
>Akihiko looks down.
"I didn't mean to..."
>He takes a deep breath.
"I didn't mean to make you cry. When I realized that someone I really liked might have been lying to me, I just lost it."
>The mix of feelings you're getting from his comment is throwing your brain into a spin dryer with no mercy.
"I don't quite get what I'm saying, but I know I mean it. So I want you to be honest with me. You're not really mute, are you?"
>You slowly shake your head.
"But, you can't really talk either, can you?"
>You nod just as slowly.
>Akihiko takes a moment to consider the situation.
"And that... thing... you did yesterday afternoon. You really meant that, right?"
>You're torn on whether to admit to that, but you can't bring yourself to lie again so you nod again.
>Akihiko doesn't seem to need any time to think.
"Well that's just fine!"
>His 'enthused' reaction shocks you.
"W-who needs words anyway?!"
>You're lost on where he might be going.
>Akihiko shoots up.
"If you don't want to speak, that's fine! We've gotten along well enough, right?"
>Is he angry, or...
>You've stopped crying at least, but that's just on account of how fucking confused you are.
>He seems to have simmered down, just a little.
"Listen, because I'm only going to say this once. I won't force you to say anything, but if we're going to go further, I want to hear your feelings with your own words."
>You mouth out some words explaining the difficulty of that task.
"N-not right now."
>He lends you an arm and pulls you to your feet.
"I want you to take as much time as you need. I'm not going anywhere."
>He puts his hand on your shoulder.
"Until then, I want you to hold on to this."
>You close your eyes as he moves closer.
>You can feel something soft on your lips, but when you reach out for more, it's already gone.
>You open your eyes and see him smiling.
"Take good care of that. I'll be expecting it back when you can tell me how your really feel."
>You nod.
"Until then... Well, I've got my training regiment to get to today. You can join me if you want."
>You follow Akihiko out of the shrine.
>Rather than walking behind though, you walk beside him, determined to keep him in arm's reach.
---
>You bounce on the balls of your feet
>For being a fighting technique, this comes surprisingly easy to you
>Akihiko is watching you form
>You're wearing your PE uniform at his utmost insistence
>You're waiting for his input on your footwork, but his eyes are looking elsewhere
>Akihiko shakes his head.
"Let's focus on... something else instead."
>You gradually bounce to a stop.
"Your form is improving but your power is lacking. Having the heart to throw a punch doesn't mean much if it doesn't hurt."
>You growl and throw a jab at his arm.
>He twitches, fighting his reflexes to move.
"Ow! Hey..."
>You smile triumphantly
>He moves beside you and out of your line of fire
>Akihiko unleashes a barrage of punches.
>After he finishes, you pull his arm out and blow the "smoke" off his fist...
>...but it looked cooler in your head.
"I can't speak for everyone on the team, but boxing for me is a competition against myself. Everyday, I'm improving over who I was yesterday. How about you, then? You're not one for complacency are you?"
>It takes a few extra times of going over his statement in your head before you get what he was asking.
>You shake your head and punch your gloves together.
>Akihiko seems relieved.
"I'm glad you understand... Now then, I want you to shadow me as best you can. Impress me, and we'll make an extra stop for grub on the way home."
>You spent a while mirroring Akihiko's boxing.
>On the way home, you played a game of trying to grab Akihiko's left hand.
"Your jabs need to be quick and hard to read."
>You miss several more attempts.
>You get frustrated and crash your body into his arm.
>You snare your hand around it and move it down to his hand.
>But Akihiko slips your grip and holds your arm up by the wrist.
"No holding, that's a foul. Good thinking, though."
>You pout at your hand being held aloft.
>You wriggle your hand loose enough to slip it back.
>But he hasn't let go and your hand gets caught in his.
>You theatrically demonstrate your surprise.
"What? It's just our hands."
>He thinks to himself for a moment.
"It doesn't bother you, does it?"
>You don't nod, you don't shake your head.
>Instead you fix your grip and squeeze his hand.
"G-good! Good."
>He doesn't have any free hands to hide his emotions so he tries to look away.
"It doesn't bother me either. N-not that it would anyway, I just mean that-"
>You squeeze his hand as hard as you can, which evidently doesn't faze him, but gets his attention.
"Right."
>He stares at you.
>You want to stare back, but meeting his eyes leaves you feeling intimidated.
>Not like he's himself intimidating, but rather like the being staring at you is too great to gaze upon.
>Akihiko seems amused by your reaction.
>You try to walk away from that embarrassment
>However your refusal to relinquish your hold on Akihiko's hand leads to you pulling him behind you
>He doesn't seem to mind and goes along for the ride
>You're left thinking.
>It's been a bit more than a week since that day at the shrine, but your relationship with Aki hasn't gone anywhere
>Your ability to speak to him hasn't improved either
>Overall, you're not sure that you've improved by even the smallest amounts
>Is this complacency? Taking your small victories, without going further?
>But you're scared of losing what you already have, which is already far more than you dreamed.
>That's it though, fear.
>That word echoes in your mind.
>Negative thoughts come flooding in.
>You feel you need to work things out on your own before something disastrous happens.
>You let go of Akihiko's hand and prepare to escape.
>As you launch off the ground into your sprint, you're caught by something that has a hold on the back of your shirt.
>You're well aware of what caught you, but you turn around anyway to check.
>Akihiko gives you a stern look.
"I won't pretend to know what's going on in that head of yours, but whatever's come up, you don't have to deal with it alone. We can work it out together."
>You nod and take a swipe at his hand.
"If I let you go, are you going to run away?"
>You pause, and then nod and take another swipe at his hand.
>He lets go, only to make a grab at your hand.
>You try to dodge his grip, but he reads your movement and captures your hand.
"Let's go sit down for a while."
>Akihiko reverses the roles and leads you to the beef bowl shop.
>As you wait for your order, you type up your myriad perturbations.
>You look over your phone at Akihiko for the fifth time. He's still politely looking away.
>You finish your third rewrite, only to delete some of it to not seem so desperate.
>You then delete more as to not worry Aki more than necessary.
>Then you delete the rest because what's the point.
>You hang your head in shame and type up just six words and hit send. [Not complacent, can't talk, not improving]
>Akihiko takes his phone out
>He stares at the screen in hopeless confusion.
"R-right."
>He closes his phone.
"So, this is about your speaking, isn't it?"
>You try to tell him yes
>But the only thing coming out of your mouth is a long string of 'eeeee'
>You nod.
"Don't feel down about it, at least you tried. If you're worried about being complacent, don't be. Not making progress doesn't mean you've grown complacent, it just means there's another hurdle to overcome."
>He thinks for a bit, not being particularly skillful at cheering people up.
"I've can't count of how many times in my training that I've felt I stagnated. When that happens I can only keep in mind my goals and my reasons, and keep trying. Focus on the 'what' and the 'why' and the 'how' will come to you."
>He smiles at you.
>You'd show him that you're smiling too, but you're shying away from how cool he just sounded.
>After your meal, Akihiko walked you home.
>It was only now that he just noticed another train station only a block from your house. He decided not to mention it.
>As he tried to say goodbye, you tugged on his sleeve, pointing inside.
"This again? I really don't know if that's a good idea."
>You tug again and start pulling him.
"Just for a little bit, alright?"
>It's another day where you'll be alone until late into the night and a perfect time to do what you've been meaning to.
>You lead Akihiko into the kitchen for your master plan.
>You open the fridge and pull out a big bowl
>It's full of cookie dough batter that you made this morning.
"T-thanks but I don't really do sweets."
>You show him the recipe you made yourself
"Not too much sugar and... H-how much protein?"
>Akihiko suddenly seems interested in your cookies.
>He helps you lay them out on a baking sheet and goes to relax on the couch when you slap them into the over.
>You're a bit far from him, but you don't mind as it's easier to stare at him from a distance.
>You get lost in a bit of a daze doing so.
>You want to become the woman you think he deserves.
>You had the image of him in your mind while making the recipe.
>And him being there feels like you could say anything to him.
>You get an idea. A really, really bad idea. But those have seemed to work out so far.
>You slowly walk towards him, keeping him in sight.
>He notices you approaching and looks back at you.
>It takes all of your effort to not shy away.
>You prop yourself on the couch next to him and straddle his lap.
"Hold on, I don't think this is a good time for-"
>You hold his cheeks in your hand and bring your face closer.
>You know he could easily push you off if he wanted to.
>You bump your forehead against his. It's the closest you've ever brought yourself to someone else's face.
>It's actually hard to see him from this distance, but you also can't see anything else and that makes you happy.
>You open your mouth
>Three whispers are let loose. "I... love... Aki"
>His eyes goes wide with disbelief.
>You pull your face in for a well-earned kiss.
>But a timer going off snaps you out of your trance.
>You back off a bit and blink while reassessing the situation.
>You fall off to the side and start laughing.
>Akihiko lets out a chuckle too as he goes to grab the cookies from the oven.
>He sets them down and comes back to you.
>You meet him half-way.
>He picks you up for a mid-air hug.
>He's a little overexcited and hugs you a little too tight.
>Akihiko lets you down and tries to say something
>But it seems he doesn't have the words.
>You laugh at him. He laughs at himself.
>You lean in towards your reason and give him a real kiss.