Chapter Text
Ben Solo, as his mother before him, had always known that home is where you make it.
The city in which he’d grown up is a little city, nestled as it is by the sea; it’s a small city, certainly smaller, less populous, less dense, less urban than the one where he’d spent so many years after graduating from university. It’s quieter and, in many ways, neglected by those who see it as a poor cousin to the one down south; certainly, it is less rich, less developed, less economically prosperous, the weather less temperate and more prone to extremes.
He could care less. This little city of his past and his future has its charms, nonetheless, and though he knows that, at times, the slower pace of life will drive him crazy in the years to come, the world outside will be there, waiting, if he, and Rey, wish to explore it - he undoubtedly wishes to share with her the experience of seeing all those magical parts of the world she has told him she longs to see. Day-to-day, though, he already has everything he needs. This smaller, quieter, colder city has both its own charm and character and is indeed blessed by the access to the amenities he had loved growing up. Most important of all, though, at least for him, it is blessed by the presence of those he loves.
It is a difference he will notice daily, he knows, as he will feel so regularly the presence of his new friends and especially of Han – and he looks forward to having easy access to his father’s company, especially as they move through the life after Leia and especially as they both get older. As important here is the presence of his Rey, she who has become his everything. He couldn’t foresee a life without her in his life and his home, building a home with him; thus, it is ultimately her presence that will make this city a home. As he has known almost immediately, he simply can’t imagine a day with her by his side and doesn’t want to. He wants to enjoy every day by the side of this girl who wears the ring of diamonds and rubies he’d designed just for her and had slipped on her left hand with pride and love.
His future is here, he knows, and that, even more than how his past lingers, is what is important. His family is here, new and old, so the memories of his struggles these past months to arrange his new life fade as he relaxes into their presence. Really though, it hadn’t been complicated, after all; it was just tedious and long. Now, after all is arranged and finished, the negotiations of his relocation here (the partners of his firm had been surprisingly flexible in the end after he’d insisted, firmly, on his move and had quickly agreed on his working remote) and the efforts he and Rey had made to find a house. one close enough to his father’s and yet not too close. The hard work done, he’s ready to move on with the daily logistics of establishing his life here – he’s eager to get started with settling into the pattern of his everyday life he’d lived so long with the anticipation of it.
The work that touches on the more complicated aspects of choosing to move here, the extensive discussions he’d had with this father, discussing boundaries and working through things, so many things, are ongoing. Still, again, he knows it will be worth it.
It will all be worth it; he knows it, he feels it, even as he reaps the rewards during this Christmas season at home. He feels it, the depth of his reward, on the day of Maz’s Christmas party, just as he knows he will feel it on Christmas Day itself, just as he will during all the events to follow. The carolling expedition planned to crown the day, the open house he and his father plan, the cozy family meals with him, Rey and Han, all of it means all the hard work of the past months will be worth it.
Worth it, he knows, just as it has been worth it already as he and his little family pitch in for the grand finale to Maz’s party. It is something that he and his father have planned together in honour of his mother. She had loved horses, after all, and had been an accomplished rider her entire life, and thus arranging a sleigh ride for all of Maz’s kids seemed like the perfect finale to the day, the cherry on top of a bright (if exhausting) day involving food, presents and ‘Santa.’
The logistics involved require what seems like an army corps of volunteers, but unsurprisingly, he and his father find they find plenty of people and plenty of hands eager to pitch in and help. In the end, it progresses relatively smoothly; ‘Santa’ having departed in a ceremonial flourish, not a single child had batted an eye on having both ‘the Mister Solos’ waiting outside the diner with a couple of mini-buses to transport everyone. Not a single child had batted an eye as ‘Chief Elf Rey’ had remained even after Santa’s departure to usher them and their parents into the buses, working with the other adults to get them settled and strapped in. Smooth as silk, she had settled all the children’s questions before they’d even begun, telling them that though ‘Santa’ had had to head over to see the next group of kids who were so eager to see him, he’d let her stay here to take them to the farm to find one last present waiting as arranged. Sure enough, they were soon on their way, driving out to a place in a country where the snow was plentiful, and a big old sleigh was waiting – two gentle old horses already harnessed up to it – to take all the excited, chattering kids on a ride, each in their turn.
After they arrive at the little farm out past the outskirts of this little city, Han is soon seated, reins in hand, waiting along with the horses as Ben and the other adults help lift the kids in groups to take a seat in the back of the sleigh. They giggle and screech as Ben tosses them into the sleigh in particular, nestling obediently into the big pile of blankets they find waiting, warmed by a plentiful supply of hot water bottles that the local farmer who owns this particular sleigh and these particular horses has prepared.
“Easy money,” he’d told Ben with a little shrug as Ben had handed over a thick envelope stuffed thick with the fee and a hefty tip, thanking him again for his services and the use of his equipment and his horses, their breaths hanging frostily in the winter air, as the two men had watched as the first group had finished getting settled. “Appreciate it nonetheless,” Ben had told him in return, quietly, and they had both pretended that the money from the fee was the only reason for his help and not the way it would be possible to hear the children laughing from the next county over as Han shook the reins to signal the horses and the sleigh set off.
It’s been a good day, Ben thinks – and it’s nothing fancy, this particular expedition, just an old beat-up sleigh painted red to take the kids on a ride, sturdy and massive, with ‘Wintertime’ emblazoned in fading gold paint across each side and a couple of old horses with basic leather harnesses to strap them to it. It’s nothing fancy or shiny or new this ride the kids go on, but the snow flies as the horses prance along in little loops around the edge of the farm, and the bells on the harness jingle as the kids keep warm as they cuddle in the warm blankets and into Han’s side. It’s nothing fancy, but there’s a lot of laughter and happy chaos as the kids climb into the sleigh, take a turn on the ride, and climb out to help the next group in. It’s not a lot, but there are smiles and jingles and a lot of laughter as Ben and his father take turns driving their precious cargo along, changing shifts with the same combination of handhold and high five they’ve exchanged since before Ben can remember.
Though it’s not fancy, it is memorable, just as it is meant to be, just as it is as Ben takes the sleigh for one last ride at the end – cuddling his new fiance into his side to stay warm under the worn blankets to run the horses out one last time. Though not fancy, it is memorable, just as had been the moment when he and Rey had told his father of their engagement – he’d wrapped them both up in a hug so tight Ben thought he might break ribs. He hadn’t missed how his dad’s voice choked up as he’d teased Rey.
“Doesn’t mean I’m gonna be nice to you.”
As Rey teased him in return, her laughter muffled by the way she’d been caught up between both men and the hint of tears in her voice.
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Old Man.”
So, on this bright winter day, as the snow flies and their breath frosts as the horses prance along, as he cuddles Rey, cozy in her new winter coat and he in the Santa hat she’d bought him, it feels as though he might be flying in turn, there’s such lightness in his heart.
As he is sure to take a moment as they go to think of the woman who is missing from this scene and yet who remains with them, just as she always will. As he thinks of her, his mother, Han’s wife, she is who is gone and she who is yet always with them – he smiles, thinking of her.
“Thanks, Mom,” he all but says out loud, reflecting on all it had taken to get him here. “Love you.”