Chapter Text
… Teens, especially, are spending more and more time on the network, leading to concerns about their activities and views. Lieutenant Aleksandr Felkin, Imperial Security, has been assigned to monitor the network for treasonous writings. I hope that this will alleviate your concerns …
The Barrayaran comconsole network, Sasha discovered, had two congregations of teens: the boys went to Postit, a cesspit of a discussion site, and posted their writings (mostly on Lord Vortalon beating up Cetagandans in bad grammatical constructs and being rewarded with fawning women) to Writefiction. The girls went to Stumbl, a very confusing blogging site, and posted their writings (mostly on Lord Vortalon engaging in sexual intercourse with everyone except his girlfriend, including his Cetagandan enemies and his stunner) to The Archive. Postit had grown popular enough with adults that someone else came to take it away from him, so he was left with Stumbl and the fiction sites.
Sasha read half of the terms of service forbidding multiple accounts before deciding that the rules didn't apply to ImpSec, and created two accounts: ImpSecOfficial, for ImpSec's official bulletins, and vfgbbekzh, for engaging with the community. He searched for “Lord Vortalon” and followed some blogs. Others could follow.
vfgbbekzh's Stumbl feed, three months later, chronological sorting
what-i-wrote:
Okay guys, recovered the data disk. *sighs in relief* Will do final cleanup on the stuff and post them all today!
shirtlessghemlordoftheday:
[hi-res photograph of a shirtless twenty-something ghem-lord in a sexualized pose, from her seemingly unlimited supply]
23, Rho Ceta, first published in the Gazette of Male Aesthetics
what-i-wrote:
real people | underage | noncon
LINK → To Train an Emperor / The Archive
Lord Regent Vorkosigan will use every tool in his box to make sure that teenage Emperor Gregor will come out right. Sometimes, it extends to odd Greekie practices.
deadchickens:
Why Ur Fave Is Problematic: Cetaganda
I mean come on they are ~socially obligated~ to wear make-up everywhere like how can u honestly support their culture??
radiationpoisoning:
@deadchickens ur post is offensive and u should take it down immediately
deadchickens:
@radiationpoisoning wow I'm a humor blog u srsly think anyone would take anything I say seriously? like, no
radiationpoisoning:
@deadchickens get blocked u ceta apologist
deadchickens:
@radiationpoisoning ur blocked lol no humor that's sad
the-emperor-has-a-nice-ass:
lkjladfh a new photo of Greggie's behindsdf!!!!!!
vorboring-people:
I wrote another Ferya piece for the Lord Vortalon fandom!
LINK → No Surrender, No Retreat / The Archive
Lord Vortalon is kidnapped by Cetagandan forces. His longtime foe, ghem-Lieutenant Fer Kaiok, has grown attached to him, and is unwilling to let poor Vanya be subject to his superiors' interrogation. Will they be able to cleanly escape before they inevitably engage in sex?
vorthalia-the-italic:
IMPSEC COMMENTED ON MY WRITING!!!!!
(Also, lol at ImpSec offering sex advice. Just because I write Lord Vortalon using his stunner as a dildo (it's practically canon!) doesn't mean that I'd use a stunner as a dildo myself...)
the-emperor-has-a-nice-ass:
[photograph of Emperor Gregor's imperial behind]
sorry, forgot to include the pic in my prev post
what-i-wrote:
I want to break into the Imperial Residence and wrap the Crown Prince in a blanket WHY ARE NONE OF MY SIBLINGS THAT ADORABLE
what-i-wrote:
real people | underage | tentacles | consensual tentacles
LINK → Diplomacy / The Archive
A teenage Emperor Gregor faces an intriguing Cetagandan assassin. Compassion offers him a unique opportunity.
vorboring-people:
Okay, so radiationpoisoning and ultimatexavfan criticized me again for shipping Vortalon with Kaiok. Now, Vanya has chemistry with pretty much everyone except his alleged girlfriends (are there many of them or did they just get a different actress every time for other reasons?), including the now infamous stunner with which he kissed, but our recurring Cetagandan is the top of the pack. There's a long textual analysis behind the cut, but the short version is that 1. Vanya seems to have A Thing for stripping Fer down to his underwear every time he's captured (and having no sense of personal space) and 2. EVERYTHING Fer says to Vanya is a sexual innuendo – the first thing Fer says to Vanya ever, “I'd rather be admiring your tea collection”, is a Cetagandan euphemism for “I'd rather be having sex with you”.
[Read More]
deadchickens:
[picture of a shirtless twenty-something ghem-Lord with long dark hair]
@shirtlessghemlordoftheday @impsecofficial you think this is Dag Benin?
(wow is this guy hot)
vorthalia-the-italic:
@vorboring-people Wow, didn't know about the whole Cetagandan euphemisms thing. Honestly, well, looking at their interactions, it's p obviously sexual/romantic. All of the almost-kisses! The snarky “I could take them off myself” and all the other references to removing clothes! The whole “My face-paint is part of my uniform. Remove it, and I am naked.” immediately followed by Vortalon removing Kaiok's face-paint in the most sensuous fashion imaginable (excluding those that involve a tongue)!
what-i-wrote:
I ventured into the Vortalon fandom!
real people | tentacles | noncon
LINK → Savior / The Archive
The Cetagandans have sent an elite assassin to eliminate the Crown Prince Yuri. Lord Vortalon is honor-bound to stop the attempt. Unfortunately, he may be caught in the same web as Yuri...
vorboring-people:
@what-i-wrote I always thought this fandom needed more tentacles! Thank you!
vorboring-people:
@vorthalia-the-italic how's the handcuffs and breathplay Ferya piece going?
vorthalia-the-italic:
@vorboring-people It's done!
5k words, contains sex (restraints, choking, penetration), Fer Kaiok/Vanya Vortalon
LINK → Kiss Me 'Til I Reach the Sky / The Archive
Vanya runs into Fer when both are in plainclothes. Opportunities are meant to be taken. Excuse plot.
impsex-official:
(used to be: ferya-vortaiok)
@impsecofficial How does it feel
vorboring-people:
@vorthalia-the-italic MY PANTIES, THEY ARE SOAKED AAAAAAA
(Also, thank you for not engaging in the trope of “Cetagandans are all endless repositories of sexual wisdom and homosexual acceptance”, it's put me off too many Ferya fics.)
(I should probably post a huge essay on everything I've figured out on Cetagandan homosexuality, but it'd be Long and the people who'd most need it wouldn't read it anyway. Tldr: Fer, if he'd been able to “kneel” to a superior, would have more experience in homosexual matters, but have some very weird hang-ups.)
ferya-vortaiok:
(used to be: impsex-official)
I wuv my ferya more than I like being impsex-official. Someone else mb?
what-i-wrote:
real people
LINK → Ezar's Familiar, Vorkosigan's Dog, Gregor's Darling / The Archive
The Emperor Gregor is happy when General Allegre is made Chief of ImpSec. There are some things that one simply can't ask of someone one has known since one is four...
ferya-vortaiok:
[gif of Vanya Vortalon gently touching Fer Kaiok's bare face, and Fer leaning into the touch]
Can't believe this scene hadn't been giffed yet! Ferya <3
deadchickens:
@firstbornprole I live in Vorrutyer District and Count Dono has been the best thing ever so shut ur fkin mouth u asshole
ferya-vortaiok:
The fact that Vanya & Fer can't run off and be happily married in canon makes me sad :'(
vorboring-people:
@ferya-vortaiok I want to write a letter to the Lord Vortalon team that contains essentially everything that I wrote in my whopper post yesterday and ask for a grand finale involving Fer resigning his commission after the invasion's end and running off to Beta colony with Vanya, but that'd just cause for them to fire everyone involved in the subtext and re-casting Fer, and Alex Hadryl is a nice guy who deserves work. Hell, he's the only decent actor the execs have ever hired.
I contend myself with meta essays and fanworks.
what-i-wrote:
So, one of my followers asked for something nonpornographic, so I wrote this short:
real people | parent-safe
LINK → The Catagandans / The Archive
Lord Auditor Vorkosigan is sent to Eta Ceta on a diplomatic mission. However, one of his cats has come with – and the cat is pregnant! How many Cetagandans can he hoist his cats to?
And the pornographic epilogue:
real people
LINK → Desk Job / The Archive
All his kittens adopted, Lord Auditor Vorkosigan is asked to explain himself to ghem-General Dag Benin. Luckily, Miles is a quick talker, and swaps the track of the meeting from dry explanation to more enjoyable and wet actions. Lady Vorkosigan is happy to watch.
shirtlessghemlordoftheday:
[picture of a shirtless, red-headed ghem-Lord moaning in pleasure whilst looking alluring]
25, Eta Ceta, first published in Design Principles of Male Offspring
“So, Sasha, you've spent a long time on the teen girls' sites?” Lieutenant John Caldo asked.
Sasha nodded. The bar was too seedy for his taste, but Caldo seemed to like the ales.
Caldo leaned closer. “I've been thinking, ever since Emilia left me. What do women want?”
Sasha gave a wry smile, and waited for Caldo to take a sip of his vile alcoholic concoction of the night. “Shirtless ghem-Lords and tentacle pornography, apparently.”
Caldo spat his drink out through his nose.