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His whole life, he'd felt the most comfortable with books.
He didn't know his parents, they'd died when he was too young to form even the most basic memories of them. His first-ever memory was waking up in a tiny bed at an orphanage with an older woman standing above him, calmly telling him it was time for breakfast.
The orphanage was packed. There was just enough room for twenty-six children and two caretakers, both of whom were constantly busy making sure everyone's basic needs were met and didn't really have time to spend with them. Erk obviously didn't expect to be tucked into bed and read a story, but he would have appreciated someone to sit with him while he couldn't sleep.
The other children ranged from decent to just plain rude. The boys' sleeping quarters were consistently loud, and anyone who didn't want to join in their nightly pillow fights was quickly deemed "boring". Most of the boys caved and went along with the group just to avoid being made fun of.
Erk, meanwhile, made it a point to blow out the candle by his bedside and pull the covers up over his head. Word spread about how boring he was, the others learned not to bother picking on him when they realized he wouldn't bite the bait, and eventually just stopped talking to him.
Leaving him free to curl up with a stack of books in the library. He quickly became obsessed with the ones about magic theory and history, going through the whole shelf within less than a month. Sometimes when he was sure no one would see or hear him, he'd try casting a fire spell to light a candle.
(It never worked, but at least nothing else caught fire.)
The caretakers sometimes muttered their concern about him, how it "wasn't healthy" to spend all his time in the library or in his room buried in a book. Luckily, they were too busy to single him out and try to change anything. As long as he made his bed, showed up for meals, went to bed on time, and behaved himself, he was technically being good and they had no reason to scold him.
Unfortunately, his nature didn't exactly endear him to couples looking to adopt. Twelve years passed and Erk watched other children come and go, prospect parents gravitating towards the chatty ones, the energetic ones, the cute babies. No one had any interest in a withdrawn bookworm.
He tried to tell himself it didn't matter, that his books were the only company he needed. But every time he saw yet another smiling child leave with a new family, it hurt just a bit more.
One day, he wandered into the woods alone when the orphanage felt noisier than ever and even the library offered little relief. Every running footstep, every shout, every useless call from the caretakers to stop the racket rang in his head. The one good thing about it was that no one saw him slip out the back entrance and run far away from the building, book clutched to his chest.
It started to snow while he was outside. By the time he was finished reading and ready to go back, it was up to his ankles. It was then that he realized he'd wandered further than he thought, and he had no idea how to get back. Any attempts to find the way only resulted in him moving further and further from the bare he'd been huddled beneath.
It was getting dark. By now he assumed someone would at least notice an empty spot at the dinner table, but that just meant extra for whoever could claim his serving first. Erk's stomach growled; he hadn't brought any food with him when he left, and he hadn't considered hunger until just now.
The scents of roasting meat, boiling hot soup, and baking bread hit him and a cursory glance revealed he was right at the edge of town. He'd left the woods without realizing it, and the snow was falling thicker and thicker with every second. The cold seeped through his threadbare pants and worn leather boots, and the dirty cloak he wore barely protected him from the chill.
Any attempts to ask for help fell on deaf ears. This was the furthest he'd ever been from the orphanage, from anything familiar. He thought of the library, of his bed, the candle on the nightstand, the fire in the hearth.
Even the noise of the other children would...no, he thought, he wasn't that desperate. But he was cold and scared and it hit him that this was where he might die.
Just as he was about to succumb to exhaustion, though, someone put a hand on his shoulder. Teeth chattering, Erk looked up to see a man dressed in purple, a silver ponytail draped over his shoulder.
"You're lost. And in this cold..." He shook his head. "This won't do. You'll freeze to death out here, I'm taking you home with me."
Too stunned and cold to even speak, Erk let the man lead him towards a nearby carriage, where he immediately bundled him in his cloak and a thick wool blanket.
"What's your name?" the man asked. Erk could only mumble his answer before the warmth seeped into him and he began to doze off.
When he woke up, the man was helping him out of the carriage and leading him towards the manor's gates. By now the snow was up to his knees, but it wasn't a long walk and there was a fire burning in the hearth when they reached the manor's front room.
"Louise." The man looked towards a young blonde woman, who's eyes immediately lit up. "This is Erk. He's going to be my new student," he said. The woman immediately stood up and went to them, crouching down and placing her hand on Erk's shoulder.
"Hello, Erk," she said. "I'm Lord Pent's wife, Louise. It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you'll be very happy here in Reglay." Reglay? No, that wasn't...he'd heard the man say something before he nodded off, but he'd thought he was just delirious. Reglay was...no, this man was the Mage General of Etruria. And had he just said Erk would be...
"Your student?"
"Yes." Lord Pent smiled. "I knew from the moment I saw you that you have a spark. Potential, great power that you've yet to truly grasp, and I want to be the one to help you unlock it," he said. "Do you accept?"
Student, to Lord Pent, one of the most important people in all of Etruria. It was too unreal, he was sure he was dreaming, any minute now he'd wake up in the snow, soaked through, with one of the caretakers scolding him for going off alone and getting himself sick.
But all he saw was the warm front room, the smiles of Lord Pent and Lady Louise.
Dumbfounded, he could only nod. They both hugged him, and he was soon settled in a luxurious room with a tray of food. It was delicious, but he ate slowly, nervously, still half-expecting to wake up even when it was becoming clearer and clearer this was not a dream.
"We'll order you some new clothes tomorrow," Lady Louise said.
The first day of his tutoring, he made several mistakes, and Lord Pent had to guide him. He didn't mind, told Erk that everyone had to start somewhere, but this was the Mage General of Etruria. The cream of the crop, naturally gifted, and doing this poorly to start with didn't bode well for Erk.
He had to prove himself worthy, earn his standing as Lord Pent's student. He didn't want him to realize he'd been wasting time with him.
But as much as he worried about impressing Lord Pent, it was Lady Louise who unsettled him the most. She was the most open person he'd ever met, warm and kind, instantly treating him the way a mother would a son even though he was still just a stranger to her. Some child her husband had brought home off the streets.
She fixed meals, but he could barely force down more than a few bites for all his nerves. She ordered a whole wardrobe for him, and it was just too much. He couldn't sleep. Some days he didn't even leave his room except for lessons, studying the books Lord Pent had given him cover to cover in hopes of becoming smarter, better, more worthy of his time.
One day, he woke up in a heap on his bedroom floor with Lady Louise standing over him, her face bright with worry. The moment his eyes opened she hugged him, and he could swear she was crying. She tucked him into bed, called a healer in to look at him, and refused to leave his side.
"You overdid it," Lord Pent said firmly when he came in to check on him. "You haven't eaten nearly enough, you've gotten two hours of sleep in the last few weeks, and you spent so much time practicing you wore yourself out." His face was stern. "Erk. A good mage needs to take care of their body first and foremost. Using magic is as dangerous as using a weapon, and casting until you've used up all of the magic in your body is just reckless."
So that was what it took to make Lord Pent angry, Erk thought. His cheeks grew hot with shame, and he mumbled an apology.
"Don't." Lord Pent placed a hand on his head. "You're not the first one to make such a mistake, and you won't be the last," he said. "When you recover, there's somewhere I want to take you. I want to show you that there is more to magic than endless studying and technique." Erk let out a sigh of relief.
"All right," he said, "And again...I'm very sorry."
Lord Pent left, and Lady Louise returned with food for him.
"The healer says you need to gain weight," she said. Erk's stomach growled, and for once hunger overtook his nerves. He ate slowly, trying his best not to spill a drop of a crumb on the nice clean bedding. "Don't worry about that," Lady Louise scolded, very gently. "Bedding can be washed."
"Why are you so nice to me? Both of you." He put his fork down and pushed the half-empty plate aside. "You hardly know me." Lady Louise's eyes widened, closed, and she slowly nodded, setting the tray off to the side and placing her hand on his cheek.
"But we want to know you," she said. "Lord Pent didn't just see great potential in you as a student. He saw someone lost, who looked like he needed a home...a family." She smiled. "He can be a bit reserved at times, but he wouldn't have brought you into our home if he didn't want to."
A family.
He'd grown so used to being alone and passed over. He'd expected to stay in the orphanage until he got too old and decided to strike out alone. He'd only ever known the comfort of books, and books couldn't feed or clothe you or stroke your hair while you were sick. Lord Pent had taken him in without even asking who he was or where he was from, and Lady Louise was more than just fine with it.
We want to know you.
This time he couldn't stop the tears from falling, and Lady Louise immediately embraced him. It was too much, the idea that people could truly care about him, want to know him, love him. The fact that despite everything he wanted to let them.
"I don't know how," he choked through his tears. "To care about anyone...or let them..."
She didn't say anything, just held him tighter, and he gave up trying to stop his tears. Even when he was a child and felt more and more unwanted with every family who passed him up, he'd never cried. Being alone had hurt, but it hadn't felt nearly as scary as being loved.
A family.
"I want to learn."
Lady Louise pulled back, smiling as she brushed the tears from his cheeks and smoothed his messy hair.
"Then we'll help you," she said. "You are a part of our family now, Erk, and you always will be no matter what."