Chapter Text
Shiv decides that this is fucked up, genuinely, completely fucked up, how she has to stop just shy of illegal detention when the time comes to wrap up another one of their nights together. She’s getting creative these days – earlier she’d spilled wine on Karolina’s shirt, and that part was definitely an accident, though she’d never trade off the way they laughed for ten minutes straight, all throughout their team effort of frantically searching the mommy blogs and then trying to execute the white vinegar/detergent trick. Afterwards, though, she fudged the settings on her washer-dryer when Karolina wasn’t looking. Anything to keep her for another twenty minutes.
It seems like her plotting paid off, because now she has Karolina splayed out on the couch beside her, answering emails in her bra and jeans while she waits, and it’s the hottest thing Shiv’s ever seen. Her hand drifts down to Karolina’s stomach, fingers ghosting over the small scars surrounding her belly button. It sounds like a joke, how they found each other again because of a shared gynecologist, but Shiv still says thank you to Karolina’s problematic ovary, wherever it may be.
“It’s cool, right?” Karolina quips out of nowhere, startling her. Fuckin’ mind reader. “I didn’t know they’d be so tiny. The scars, I mean.”
“Yeah, ‘cause the fiber-optic thingy.” When Shiv receives an odd look, she adds, “What?! I looked up the procedure after we ran into each other.”
Karolina snorts. “That was so normal of you, not obsessing about me at all.”
“Excuse me, that was medical, scientific curiosity,” Shiv gasps, gently whacking her with a throw pillow. “I’ll have you know I researched C-sections for days when I found out Lizzie was breech. Made a file and everything.”
“Oh, I love me a file. You know, I can start vetting preschools if you want, it’s never too early.”
What kills Shiv in this moment is how Karolina isn’t even looking at her anymore, utterly focused on some angry fuck’s Twitter exchange with the Buffalo Brightstar park’s account. She tries her best to shake off the slight shiver that’s running through her at the thought of Karolina sticking around that long, mumbles a low “sure”, and scooches over so she can read off the phone too.
The high from that casual declaration wears off quickly – in fact, Shiv’s beginning to think it wasn’t a declaration at all, just a bit of merciless sweet-talking. In the weeks that follow, the energy grows strange, the texting dries up, and the visits become slightly hurried. Karolina apologizes for all of it, huffing about how work’s more of a shitshow than ever before, but Shiv’s not entirely convinced. She was starting to believe that there simply wouldn’t be an expiration date for them, but it’s certainly in the air now.
Shiv would rather start hunting for a nice-looking balcony to jump off of than witness this… liaison slowly peter out, who the fuck is Peter anyway, and why do we keep doing things for his sake, but when they see each other again in person it’s clear that Karolina’s genuinely exhausted and she decides not to push it. Karolina still laughs when Shiv tries and fails to recount the major plot points of Dead Ringers over dinner, then practically melts in gratefulness when Shiv hands her a peppermint roller for her migraine, so maybe everything’s fine. Little danger of having her heart shattered, little danger of Karolina replacing her with a heavily tattooed twenty-five-year-old who’s really good at shibari. Maybe.
Just in case, though, getting left? She could still take it at this point, Shiv thinks. She could channel the sadness into becoming a helicopter mom and have Elizabeth hate her forever. She could pick up strategy again, secretly work for some random regional fucker just to mess around and pull some strings. She could find more apps to invest in; apparently the one she chose on a whim in her second trimester is doing quite well. Something about seeing your friends’ listening activity in real time as a widget. It’s hard to think of anyone she’s interested enough in to actually snoop on their music. Besides Karolina, that is. Jesus Christ.
Shiv’s tossing and turning even hours after Karolina’s gone home – she kissed her on the forehead before leaving, what the fuck was that about? She caves and grabs her phone off of the nightstand in search of a minor distraction, then gets a major one: Roman’s texted.
Irredeemable asshole Roman, who hasn’t spoken to her properly since their futures hit the sidewalk from thirty floors up, who only had his assistant drop off a basket of her favorite snacks and some suspiciously unfamiliar laxative pills after she had Lizzie. That assistant’s become her only reassurance that he’s still alive, letting Shiv know whenever he gets sick of the city he’s in and jets off to the next.
RR: Hi I’m back home
RR: If you even care
Shiv types out four rows of middle finger emojis then deletes them, sighing.
SR: I do, actually
SR: Are you still in one piece? No major injuries?
She doesn’t quite know where that question sprung from. Somewhere around the feeling that they’re still ten and thirteen, it’s always emergency-everything with Roman, emergency dental, emergency-popping-elbows-back-in, emergency-“my brother hasn’t come home in three nights but nobody seems to care”.
RR: No, but I have acquired 7 new mental illnesses
SR: Nice. How many suicide attempts since I last saw you?
RR: Three. U?
SR: Zero??? The baby, dude
RR: Ah. Forgot. Sorry
They start arranging a lunch for Wednesday but he suddenly stops replying before they can decide on a place, and that pisses her off endlessly. It starts to feel like a nasty habit she’s picked up, this whole relying on people business, because it fucking hurts when she misplaces it. She starts bawling when she comes across an Instagram reel about friend breakups even if only, say, thirty percent of it applies to what happened with her and Roman. They’re twins, and Caroline just decided to cook them separately for whatever reason, that’s what they used to say.
It all makes Shiv want to throw up, not knowing where Roman’s head is at, not knowing where Karolina’s head is at, and the sinking realization that she might end up even more alone than before. She rides the restlessness all the way to the middle of the week, when she decides she hates how things are laid out on the shelves in Lizzie’s nursery and takes matters into her own hands. She almost pulls it off, even, up until she grossly overestimates the strength of the side table she’s using as a stepladder and comes down on her foot, hard.
Luckily, they're in the middle of nanny turnover, so both Tania and Bree come running when they hear the crash. They divide tasks with military ease – Tania on first aid, RICEing the shit out of her stupid boss’s stupid ankle, and Bree with the baby, calling for the car after a while despite Shiv’s protests because Respectfully, there are literal tears in your eyes, T and I don’t believe you when you say it’s at a four, and don’t look if you don’t wanna, but the bruising is getting kind of gnarly.
“Hold on. Do you need me to call anyone?” Tania asks later in the ER, before Shiv’s wheeled away.
Shiv winces. “Seriously? It’s an X-ray, not fucking brain surgery.”
“Sorry. Got it.”
“No, I’m sorry,” Shiv remedies, motioning for Tania to help her get her phone out. “Could you find Roman in there? We were maybe supposed to meet up today. And I’m still mad at him, so just text him, like, the shortest, most corporate version. Thanks, T.”
Tania chews on her lip, tentative. “And, um, Karolina?”
A bark of laughter escapes Shiv’s throat. “Sure, why not. Just to see if she still gives a fuck.”
Maybe it’s making her crazy, the pain that hasn’t stopped blooming out from her foot, because she mouths a quick “sorry” meant for Karolina, who is very much not in the room. Then, on a glowing billboard in her mind, it’s: I’m sorry, I take that back, I'm sick of missing you, could you please come, over and over and over.
Tania sounded perfectly composed filling her in over the phone, so Karolina’s taken aback when she gets pulled into a tearful hug two seconds after stepping out of the elevator. She doesn’t know when her aura started screaming “comforting” and initially flinches at the contact, but she reminds herself that she actually likes this girl; it would be impossible to feel otherwise about somebody who’s damn good at her job and has been nothing but lovely to the steely corporate lady who’s always loitering in Shiv’s place.
She pats Tania’s back awkwardly, half-hoping that her blazer won’t pick up any of the purple fuzz from her sweater. “Why are you crying? She’s not dead, is she?”
“Why would you say that?” Tania wails into Karolina’s shoulder.
“No, like, imagine how funny it would be. Death by tiny IKEA table.”
Finally, Tania chokes out a laugh, withdrawing herself. “She’s okay. They’re doing a couple more tests.”
“That’s great to hear, hon.”
“Sorry about the waterworks. I'm just happy to see you,” Tania explains. “And a little overwhelmed? Because I’ve been talking to him for the past, like, fifteen. He told me about their family’s deal. Turns out I didn’t know the half of it.”
Karolina looks over to the spot the nanny’s nodding her head towards and releases a “fuck me” under her breath. There’s Roman sitting criss-cross applesauce on the carpet, looking the same as she remembers, save for the gray in his stubble and the slight tan. The expression on his face is unreadable, and she knows she can’t weasel her way out of this.
She gives Tania’s arm a final rub, sucks in a breath, and makes her way across the waiting room, settling in a chair like a normal person. “Hi, Roman.”
He doesn’t even deign to make eye contact. “Karolina. This is a deeply strange choice for you. Truly, truly unprecedented.”
Karolina clears her throat a little too aggressively for her liking. “What, I can’t just be buddy-buddy with your sister?”
“My sister doesn’t do buddies, buddy. Nice try.”
“Congrats. You got me. So, where you been, Roman?”
“Oh, all over. Tokyo, Dubai, the Adriatic. Blowing it all on, uh, very small, very deserving local entrepreneurs,” he replies, giving a disinterested sniff.
“You can say dealers, it’s okay.”
Roman finally looks up at her, face spreading into a wolf-like grin. “Hell yeah, the dealers. The dealers, the game devs, the leather-clad mummies and daddies. Happy?”
“Very,” Karolina drawls, shooting him a sickly sweet smile of her own.
“And where have you been, aside from Siobhan’s Tunnel-of-Doom pussy? I guess I should thank you for giving her a chance to lez out again after so long, but, like, I can’t see it. I can’t wrap my head around it.”
“Oh, yeah? We could give you a demo when she’s back on her feet,” she snaps without a second thought. Karolina hates having to fight gross with gross, but it’s second nature to her now, having been employed by the grossest.
“That’d be perfect, thank you,” Roman says, hoisting himself up onto the seat across her. “But seriously, Karolina. The hell are you doing bumping uglies with Shiv? Is it even real? If this is some weird, elaborate play—”
Karolina slams her phone down onto her lap, frustrated. “It’s not. I can assure you. You saw it, Roman, I’m friends-ish with the baby's nanny. I’m locked the fuck in, essentially,” she exclaims, her voice teetering on hysterical. “Also, I’ve been tired out of my mind trying to quit my job, so. Tell me it isn’t real.”
He stares at her like she’s grown a second head. “Wow. Okay, shit. Good for you, champ. And, um, welcome to the family, I guess?”
Karolina sighs, realizing that it wasn’t so bad, saying the Q-word out loud. She wasn’t expecting a turnaround of that speed, but she’s grateful that Roman’s on board. Stranger things have happened. To him especially, she thinks – brief hostage situation, failed rocket launch, super-failed dick pic delivery to the general counsel – but she keeps that to herself.
She runs an anxious hand through her hair. “Yeah, uh, I haven’t told her, actually.”
Maybe it was more than a little shitty to keep it from Shiv all this time. You pull the plug on twelve years of hard work for a woman, then repeatedly chicken out of telling her? Go figure.
“Told her what? That you’re in—” Roman spells out L-O-V-E with his right hand and Karolina slaps it down reflexively.
“Man, would you shut up?” She glances at Tania, who’s thankfully occupied over at the vending machine, but who is she kidding? Of course Tania knows it. Who doesn’t, at this point?
“Don’t touch me, Karolina. My fight-or-flight is always gonna go to fight, and I don’t wanna do that with you. You’re scary.”
The two of them achieve quite a bit before the tests finish – they split a pack of M&M’s, she forces him to apologize to Tania for the abridged yet effective trauma dumping, then decide who’ll get to see Shiv first (rock-paper-scissors, Roman wins). Their conversation lands on Lizzie’s latest venture into skill acquisition, i.e. learning to crawl really fast, and Karolina gets guilted into showing him documentation.
“How do you have more pictures than her actual uncle? That feels… dystopian.”
“Just say “unfair”, you sound like an idiot. Unless you actually meant dystopian? You must really hate dykes.”
“Oh, I didn’t mention?”
Roman’s been in there for the better part of an hour, and while Karolina wants to believe he’s filling the time with the grand “Shivvy I’m Sorry” speech he asked for help workshopping, she knows in her gut that he’s also running his big fucking mouth, making fun of his sister for having a public affair with the public affairs lady.
The confirmation comes almost on cue; her phone buzzes with a message from Shiv.
SR: Thank you for rushing over but if we talk right now I might throw up
SR: Then I’ll have to ask Rome to kill me because that’s humiliating
KN: How much did he tell you?
SR: Girl make a guess
Karolina pulls a face and decides to just go for it, since her flimsy timeline has gone to shit anyway.
KN: Okay, I’ll come back tomorrow. I love you
KN: I’m trying not to make that a whole thing at the moment
KN: But you must know it is indeed a thing
SR: Duh
SR: Great timing on your resignation. My pussy has evidently been detrimental to your English ability
Karolina chokes on an indignant noise coming from deep in her throat, making some of the waiting-area normals turn to look.
KN: Shut the fuck up. Eww
KN: I’m gonna hang out with Elizabeth after work just to poison her mind against you
SR: ??????
SR: FaceTime me while you do, at least
After two weeks of endless forms and meetings and transition team bullshit for Karolina, Paige forwards her a calendar invite from Shiv: “4pm post-sick leave settling of terms”. She almost bursts out laughing when the notification comes in, mostly because the venue is marked as this trendy new coworking space a few blocks away from the office. A bizarre place to hold the important conversation they’ve been putting off, but maybe it’s a foreplay thing? If Shiv wanted to get eaten out in front of a projector screen she would have straight-up asked, though. She’ll just have to see where this goes.
Karolina weaves through the giant office full of insufferable-looking twenty-six-year-olds and finds the conference room easily enough, amused to see Shiv tapping away on her laptop.
“Hi, babe. Good job on getting the brace off so quickly.”
Shiv hums in annoyance. “Have a seat. How the hell do you know that?”
“Um, I have eyes? And Bree texted me about it this morning.”
“If you’re trying to turn me and my nannies into your little harem, I won’t have it.”
“Uh-huh, sure,” Karolina says. “You wanna get started? Agenda items? Noted my attendance yet?”
Shiv leans back into her swivel chair and fixes her gaze on Karolina. Maybe if she was a little less angel-faced they wouldn’t have gotten into this mess in the first place, but that’s the last thing on Karolina’s mind right now. The first is, well, getting to stare at that face until the asteroid hits or the zombies take New York.
“I read your release statement. Congratulations. I can’t really speak for Waystar anymore, as you know, but your service hasn’t gone unnoticed, Ms. Novotney.”
“Thank you, Siobhan. Means a lot.”
“Can I ask about your plans going into unemployment?”
“Well, after carefully examining my options, I was kinda thinking about moving in?” Karolina’s trying to deadpan this as much as she can, but she can feel the warmth spreading across her own face.
Shiv gives up too, breaking into a smile. “I think the board would be amenable to that, yeah.”
“Great.” Karolina decides she’s heard (and yelled) the words messy optics enough to last her a lifetime, and leans across the table to kiss her.