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School is quite stressful for everyone.
Even though peace is accomplished across the universe and all of the Off Colors are safe from being shattered, Rhodonite always finds herself panicking at least once a week.
Whether it is a natural trauma response, or because she's always so self conscious, she always finds herself in the same spot over and over again.
Rhodonite was at the main back of Little Homeschool, sitting on the steps. Her smaller pair of hands was fidgeting with her bigger pair of hands while she tried to keep herself together.
She looked down at her smaller hands, trying to calm herself down. However, her eyes kept darting to every noise in the vicinity, her head turning at a constant pace, analyzing all of her surroundings. Her eyes were now wide with panic, as if she was expecting something bad to happen at any minute.
"Come on, Rhodonite, calm down, what are you so scared of?"
Her two smaller hands rubbed her larger hands in an attempt to reassure herself, only to fail miserably as even her own reassurance caused her anxiety to grow.
But then, a voice broke her out of her thoughts. "My goodness, Rhodonite. Are you okay? You seem quite anxious."
That was Garnets voice.
Rhodonite's head turns quickly to face Garnet, the surprise breaking her from her state of panic for a moment. Even with her anxiety slightly subdued, she looked nervous, as if her guard was still up against garnet, despite not knowing why. She looks down at her two sets of hands, who are now simply shaking in fear. She attempts to speak, but ends up stuttering. She can't even bring herself to fully look at garnet, so she keeps her head slightly tilted towards the ground.
"Umm..."
Garnet sits next to Rhodonite, a concerned look on her face. "Hey, I get being anxious, but this seems a bit much. Did something happen?"
Rhodonite continues to look at her hands, as if she's trying to hide all of the anxiety that was just running through her mind. She didn't know what to say, so she simply said the truth.
"I...I don't know.." She says in a quiet voice. She tries to hide herself from any judgement or questioning from Garnet, her two sets of limbs now hugging each other.
She continues to shake her two sets of arms, as if attempting to calm herself down.
Garnet looks at Rhodonite with understanding.
"Hey, you don't have to give me specifics, nor does it seem like you're all too sure of what's causing you to be so anxious. Sometimes our bodies and minds just play us for fools, and that's okay. However, sometimes our feelings are trying to tell us something. Maybe not something big or earth-shattering, but, you know, at least something. Something your brain recognizes, but doesn't want you to put into words."
Rhodonite stayed quiet for a moment, before responding with the truth once again.
"I honestly just feel really scared right now, despite there being no danger whatsoever. I don't know why my body is like this sometimes, and it drives me crazy. But I wish I could tell you exactly what I'm feeling. My body can detect something that I can't even notice. I can't tell if it's a trauma response or if it's just something I missed." She says as she looks down at her hugging arms.
Garnet nods slowly.
"So, in a way, you're scared because you don't understand why you're scared. A sort of panic born of not knowing what to feel scared about. Is that safe to assume, or are I completely off-base?"
Rhodonite shook her head. "No, I think you got it right on the nose." She said with a slight sigh. For a moment, she tried to think about the situation logically and without emotions, as if by doing so she could break away from her anxiety. But she wasn't able to.
"My body just decided to be anxious, even though I know there is no reason for me to be scared." Rhodonite says, in a somewhat calm voice.
Hearing Rhodonite say this, Garnet offers to put a hand on Rhodonite's shoulder.
"It may seem silly, but sometimes our brains and bodies can be their own worst enemies. You are safe here. If there is nothing physically causing you to feel this way or no threat in the present moment, then this is simply an anxious moment your mind wants to have. And that's not uncommon. It can be scary feeling so scared for no apparent reason, but you can feel this way knowing you are totally safe."
Rhodonite began to calm down. Her anxious state subsides as she looks at the hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you, Garnet." She says, her voice sounding less panicked. Her anxiety had subsided, but there was still anxiety hiding deep within her body. It was now up to Rhodonite to find what exactly is causing it.
"I will try my best to stay calm. I know that logically there is no danger at the present moment," she says, "but my body wants to feel nervous about something."
Garnet nodded.
"Then maybe it's something that you don't remember." She said.
Rhodonite nods, looking ahead in thought
"Yes, it could be, but why don't I remember it? Why do I feel so anxious when there's nothing to worry about right now?" She says as she looks up at Garnet.
She starts to wonder if this might have something to do with her past before she got rejuvenated 17 times, despite knowing that there was no way she could get the answer she was looking for from Garnet.
"... Sometimes our brains block out the things that appear traumatic to us." Garnet explained.
Rhodonite looks at the floor again. Garnet's words sound reassuring, but the gem now knows that there's more to it than that.
Rhodonite had a feeling that this was connected to her trauma, and Garnet's words seem to confirm her suspicions.
"Why?" She asks, sounding slightly worried.
"As a protective mechanism to prevent the retrieval of painful emotions associated with a traumatic event." Garnet said.
Rhodonite pauses to think for a moment.
"So...my brain is protecting me from a memory that is uncomfortable or difficult to deal with?" She asks.
Garnet smiled gently. "Exactly,"
Rhodonite nods and looks up at Garnet. Her fear is now replaced with curiosity.
"But if I don't remember this supposed traumatic memory, then how am I still scared of it?" She asks. She's beginning to understand, but there is still some missing puzzle pieces in this question.
"It may be that your body can sense or recognize a sensation or pattern in the present moment that is, in some way, similar to the traumatic memory. Even if you aren't consciously aware of the link, your body has some lingering connection to this event and causes you to be anxious in this present moment."
Garnet said, still smiling as a reassuring, but gentle expression.
"And the longer this goes on, the more you dwell on it, the more the pattern might become apparent to you. But again, there's nothing that has happened now to truly worry about."
Rhodonite looks curious, as if this theory could explain a lot of things for her. She takes a moment to think before saying, "So what you're saying is that this moment resembles, or has elements that are similar, to a traumatic memory in my mind, despite me being unaware of it. If I understand correctly, you're saying that my body is scared of this moment because there is a possibility that this event is related to something bad that happened in my past?"
Garnet nodded.
"That's correct. Your body is likely scared purely based on the chance that this event may be tied to the traumatic memory. Even if you are unaware of the connection, it is possible the pattern your mind recognizes is from such a memory. And, while it may be scary, remember there's no need to be worried. You're completely safe and, to your knowledge, nothing bad is going to happen in this present moment."
Rhodonite listens with interest. "Is it wrong that my body is reacting this way? I mean, you said there's no need to worry, so why am I still scared? Is it because my emotions know something that my mind doesn't yet?"
The gem looks at Garnet with a look of fear and confusion as she waits for an answer to her question.
"There's nothing wrong with your body's reaction. After experiencing great trauma, it's a normal, expected response for your body to be more prone to fear. And while your body may be reacting to this moment as if it were a painful memory, you aren't being actively hurt in this exact point in time." Garnet said, trying to reassure Rhodonite.
"And yes, it's entirely possible that your emotions are sensing or recognizing something your mind isn't quite aware of yet."
Rhodonite looks down at the ground, trying to process this information. Even though her fear has subsided, she still wants to understand exactly what this new development is. After a moment, she looks back up at Garnet.
"Can you please explain one last thing to me?"
"Of course. What would you like to know?" Garnet says, maintaining a gentle expression while offering Rhodonite her full attention.
Rhodonite nods. In order to avoid any further confusion, she'll cut straight to the chase.
"You said that my body is recognizing something from a traumatic memory that my mind isn't ready to handle. But if my mind can't handle it, and it might cause me to slip back into a state of anxiety... then why is my mind and body being affected differently?"
It seems like Rhodonite is struggling with this concept a bit, as she stares at her hands while trying to understand it.
Garnet listens carefully before speaking.
"Okay, think of it this way: imagine your mind is like a computer that processes certain information, and your body is a system that feels, reacts, and responds to that information. Sometimes your mind knows something is a certain way, but your body reacts in a different manner because your brain hasn't communicated that information fully yet."
Garnet smiles in an empathetic yet reassuring manner.
"It's not that your mind can't handle it. It's more likely that your mind is just processing the information at a slower pace than your body."
Rhodonite nods again. What Garnet just said makes a lot of sense.
"So my body can recognize something that my brain hasn't processed in its entirety? Like the puzzle is not 100% put together, and my body is working with what pieces it has." She says. "But my body is also reacting to the pieces of information it has, even if the puzzle is not finished within my mind?" She asked.
"Exactly. Your body is recognizing something that your mind seems to have not fully processed yet, and this can cause a bit of dissonance between the two. And, as you put it, your body is acting in accordance with the pieces of information it has to go off of without necessarily being completely aware of the big picture."
"There can be reasons for this disconnect. It can happen when something is so traumatic, your mind can only understand it in fragments. It can also be because something reminds you of past trauma but your body interprets it differently." Garnet explained to her.
Rhodonite seems to fully understand the concept now. Her expression softens.
"So my body can sense that a past trauma is related to this moment, even if my mind hasn't fully picked up on it? And this causes a feeling of dissonance between my mind and body, causing a reaction in my body alone. Or, if my mind recognizes a similar pattern or feature, my body would still be scared or anxious even if my mind still had to draw some conclusions. Am I correct?"
"You've got it! Your brain doesn't necessarily need to understand something fully for your body to react to it if a connection is made. If there isn't enough information available, your body will fill in the gaps with past experiences or similar patterns, which can make your body react even if your mind is still trying to figure out the exact connection."
Garnet's face is filled with empathy. This seems to be a tricky thing to grasp.
"The mind-body connection is one that has many complexities. It's fascinating, no?"
Rhodonite's expression seems to lighten a bit as she processes Garnet's words. She's beginning to understand this odd phenomenon, and she's actually interested in it.
"Fascinating is one way to put it...but also confusing." She says. "But I guess that's part of learning, right? And as scary as this all may sound, I'm glad that you explained it to me. Now that I understand it better, I can learn to better handle it."
"That's the spirit!" Garnet said. "I'm not entirely sure why we react differently in this way, but you can't help but marvel at how wonderfully our bodies and minds work. I've experienced the same thing myself countless times and I still don't fully understand it. And I completely agree, it's very, very confusing."
"But what is important is that, if this does happen again, don't let yourself fall into the trap of fear. Remember that the experience is just that--an experience. It won't hurt you and you'll be okay. Your mind and body will eventually come to an understanding."
Rhodonite nods in understanding. It's a weird concept, but now that she fully comprehends it, she feels less anxious and paranoid. Her expression now changes to one of interest.
"I've never thought about my mind and body's reactions in that way before. That was certainly a new experience. And, now that I understand it better, it's not as intimidating anymore. Thank you for the explanation, Garnet."
"It was my pleasure, truly." Garnet responds with a compassionate smile.
"You have nothing to be afraid of, Rhodonite. You are safe and you have the power to overcome anxiety. There's a lot that can be said about this topic as it has quite a bit of depth, but it sounds like you've got a good handle on it now. So, there's nothing to fear, but everything to learn."
Rhodonite laughs a little as she smiles back at Garnet. She's feeling a lot less fearful and paranoid now, and it's all because of the conversation she had with Garnet.
"I definitely feel a lot better now. I feel like you're right about it being an opportunity for me to learn something new. As weird as it is, this is definitely one of the most intriguing experiences I've had in a long time. And all because of you, Garnet."
She pauses.
"I wish more people were willing to be as understanding and patient as you are."
Garnet smiles.
"Well, it's nothing. I'm very happy to hear you're able to have a positive experience in something so confusing. A lot of Gems can be quite quick to make judgements because they want to be efficient, but for something as complicated as the mind and the body, patience is a key factor in understanding any problem."
"I'm more than happy to explain these kinds of things to you. It's fascinating to talk with Gems with different perspectives. And to teach someone is to learn, and to learn is to grow."
Rhodonite pauses and then nods in agreement. Garnet's words are reassuring and make her feel like part of the community.
"I think that's the kind of attitude that should be encouraged in gem society. I feel like having a deeper understanding of things, or taking the time to understand things on a personal level, could only benefit us gemkind. It could lead us to learning about a lot of new things, and even ourselves."
Her eyes turn towards Garnet.
"I'm glad that you've taken the time to help me with this. You are a good friend, Garnet."
Garnet takes note of Rhodonite's words, and her face radiates with appreciation.
"Your words are kind and mean so much to me, Rhodonite. This is exactly the attitude I aim to have with all Gemkind. A deeper understanding is what makes us so unique and powerful, and I'd like to see more Gems take that approach with things."
Garnet nods in response to Rhodonite's compliments and then smiles.
"And thank you. You are a good friend for allowing me to make this connection with you."
Rhodonite smiles.
"Thank you for making me feel welcome here, Garnet. I'm glad I was able to learn something new today. You're a great teacher, you know that? You have this way of explaining things that makes a complicated topic sound so simple to understand. I hope I get to talk to you more in the future."
Garnet's face lights up as she returns Rhodonite's friendly gesture and smiles.
"It's no problem. I'm really happy to help you understand more about yourself and your environment, Rhodonite. I enjoy talking to you too, and I hope you can find more answers to the questions you have in the future."
"Until next time, my friend."
"Until next time." Rhodonite says with a nod. She looks at Garnet, and although her expression has returned to one of her typical nervousness towards new people, her gratitude towards the other gem is still visible in her eyes.
This experience may leave a lasting impression on her, but that's a good thing, because she's learned a lot, and bonded with a new friend.