Archive of Our Own ^beta

 𓅸

Wonbin has a crush. 

Wonbin tells this to Sohee like it’s some sort of sin; in whispers, his cheeks tinted pink as he whispers the word out, sounding juvenile into the night, when they’re both in university already, for god’s sake. These nights are sacred to Sohee, it’s when he feels the closest to Wonbin, away from all their other friends, all of Wonbin’s admirers, just the two of them during the night, conversations quiet and lovely, these walks back to their dorms, steps light and easy, shoulders bumping as they walk. 

The admittance somehow shatters that ambience, and honestly, Sohee knows these walks back are sacred to him, but he’s never thought of them to be fragile. Tranquillity breaking just like that at the admittance. 

“What?” Sohee blinks, stopping them in their tracks, and immediately, Wonbin groans, looking embarrassed, stomping his feet a little, cheeks colouring a little at Sohee’s reaction. Immediately, Sohee knows that he didn’t mishear Wonbin. It’s real, Wonbin has a crush. Wonbin likes someone. 

Selfishly, all Sohee feels is jealousy. 

Wonbin takes Sohee’s hand, tugging him along, and really, honestly, Sohee tries to be normal about things, this friendship with Wonbin, never toeing past the supposed line, but it’s hard. Wonbin is pretty, charming, smart, wonderful. While Wonbin is not exactly Sohee’s first crush, this one actually feels real, tangible, with how close they have become. Wonbin and Sohee only met this year, when Sohee started uni, and Wonbin, being one of the seniors from his faculty, just took him under his wing somehow, and it’s hard, really, for the feelings for Wonbin to not develop. 

Wonbin just takes care of him so well. Without knowing, they both have become close, and Sohee has become one of the juniors that people just associate with Wonbin. Sohee knows he’s not the only one who likes Wonbin, knows how famous Wonbin is not only amongst the faculty, but throughout the uni. But Sohee is the only junior Wonbin particularly hangs out with. 

Sohee doesn’t know why he thinks that he’s an anomaly just by that fact. 

The truth is still that Wonbin is loved by everyone, but Wonbin doesn’t just love everyone. 

Stupidly, Sohee feels his heart breaking. Still, still, Sohee asks, blinking, squeezing Wonbin’s hand. Sohee can have this. For now, he can have this. “Who is it, hyung?” 

Wonbin looks shy, smiling a little, bumping his hips against Sohee’s, and immediately, Sohee thinks about how pretty he looks. How this makes sense, the look of Wonbin liking someone. Sohee just wishes it was him that got Wonbin looking this fucking giddy. 

“Sohee, you know you’re my favourite junior, right? But I consider you as a friend, so I’m telling you, okay? You’re the first, because you’re my favourite,” Wonbin says, and Sohee blinks, laughing, even though his throat feels a little parched.

Sohee knows. Wonbin says stuff like this, and in the end, it’s just because of his admiration for Sohee as a junior. 

Still, until now, Sohee has always liked to indulge in it, playing into the idea that it could be something a little bit more, just a little, hope, blooming little by little in his chest. 

Sohee did not realise how much he had let the hopes grow until now. How foolish Sohee had been to let it get this far.  

“Yeah, your favourite,” Sohee says back, because he can, because before Wonbin can say it, at least Sohee can have this. Just a little. Who knows? Maybe it’s not too serious. Maybe Sohee still has a chance. “Who is it?” 

Wonbin beams, then leans in closer to whisper it to Sohee’s ear. “Sungchan-hyung.” 

Yeah, it’s fucking over. 

 𓅸

Seunghan is late. 

Seunghan is never late, and this is just another thing to add on to Sohee’s list of ‘Very Shitty Things That Happened This Week.’ 

Honestly, ever since the whole thing with Wonbin, his week has gotten significantly worse. Sohee did not know that by being the first person to know that Wonbin has a crush means that he’s the one getting the brunt of hearing Wonbin gush about Sungchan. Usually, Sohee would love to hear Wonbin talk. It’s lovely, especially when he gets animated, and talks about his interests, a new guitar riff he’s learning, a new song he’s composing, a show he’s watching, the book he’s reading, Sohee listens to everything with vigour, loves it that Wonbin does it. 

But hearing the person Sohee likes talk about his crush is just taking a dagger and stabbing it repeatedly to his own chest, and telling himself that it doesn’t hurt. 

Honestly, it’s exhausting. Sohee has never really evaluated just how much he likes Wonbin, just knows that he does, that he admires Wonbin a lot. The thought of confessing never really crossed Sohee’s mind, even. Just knows that so far, in the course of their friendship, Sohee loves it, being around Wonbin, and Sohee knows to a certain degree that he does like Wonbin romantically. 

But with the addition of Wonbin’s crush now, it almost feels like Wonbin will be taken away from him if Wonbin actually pursues Sungchan. Like, suddenly, there will be no late night walks and studying, there will be no hangouts. Suddenly, it feels like a competition. 

Suddenly, it almost feels like there’s a time limit to their relationship, and Sohee feels like he’s chasing something he doesn’t even have a name for. 

“Lee Sohee!” A voice exclaims, breaking Sohee out of his reverie, and before Sohee is even able to process anything, he’s enveloped into a hug, and immediately, like clockwork, Sohee slumps into the person’s hold, snaking his arms around their waist, taking in the scent.

It’s Seunghan, of course it is, with his familiar scent, something that Sohee doesn’t even know how to pinpoint, but just knows for sure that the scent belongs to Seunghan. If his relationship with Wonbin feels like a ticking time bomb right now, then his relationship with Seunghan is the exact opposite. It’s something that is stagnant, something that Sohee can rely on at all times, like a rock. 

“Why is our Sohee so clingy today?” Seunghan asks after a few seconds, his voice sounding pretty in Sohee’s ear, gentle, a tint of amusement there, not too used to Sohee being like this, but knowing not to tease too much. 

Seunghan probably knows that Sohee needs it today, maybe, because after knowing each other for so long, Seunghan reads him so well. Seunghan probably realises that when Sohee doesn’t immediately pull away from his hug today, he’s actually seeking comfort from Seunghan. 

They’re still hugging. 

In a random ass street near Seunghan’s uni, with people from Seunghan’s own uni around this street, probably, and really, he should pull away. 

Sohee pulls away, and Seunghan is already pouting, placing a firm hold still on Sohee’s shoulders, making Sohee roll his eyes, laughing a little, punching Seunghan’s shoulders softly. “You’re late, Hong Seunghan.” 

“You’re pouting,” Seunghan replies easily, hooking a finger under Sohee’s chin, caressing it a little before pulling away, something Seunghan has always done since they were little that it almost feels like second nature to Sohee. Seunghan drapes his arm around Sohee, squeezing him a little, grinning as he does. “Why are we sad today?” 

“We’re sad?” Sohee asks, laughing. Seunghan really does know how to make him feel better. 

Sohee meets up with Seunghan every week ever since they started their first year of uni. 

It’s been about three months since they started uni, and each week they have been apart, without fail, on Saturday, they will meetup, and sometimes it even extends to Sunday when they both have sleepovers over at Seunghan’s place, the one between them who actually has an actual apartment, so Sohee always ends up staying over when he gets too tired to drag his ass back to his dorm. 

While his uni friends have never met Seunghan, they know that Saturdays specifically are reserved for Seunghan, even if they don’t know by name, a friend from high school, always. Saturday, always. Some people who know about his Saturdays even tease him for it, when Sohee has to decline plans just to hangout with Seunghan, and sometimes Sohee’s embarrassed for having to do that, but it’s just that, well--it’s always been like this.

Seunghan and Sohee. 

It’s just that Seunghan and Sohee have been together for so long, proximity wise. They went to the same school from elementary school to middle school to high school, and their families are close and live in the same neighbourhood. 

It was a surprise to their high school classmates that they didn’t go to the same uni, too attached at the hips that it was almost a given to people that they would be going to the same uni. It was kind of a heated discussion between them both, too, where they would be going to uni. Sohee remembers late nights after hakwons, walking back home discussing this. Seunghan always wants to be with Sohee, that’s at least something Sohee can acknowledge, and to a certain extent, Sohee wants that as well. It’s comfortable, being with Seunghan, so of course, Sohee would love to spend his university days with Seunghan, too. 

But the thing is, Seunghan is smart. Like, smarter than the rest. 

And while there’s nothing essentially wrong with Sohee’s uni, it’s still a reputable uni, quite high still in the ranks, Seunghan was definitely settling when Seunghan admitted that he wanted to apply to the uni Sohee is currently going to. 

Sohee remembers harsh words spoken to each other at that moment, when Sohee told Seunghan to not to apply to his uni, and Seunghan in turn getting angry at Sohee for dictating his life, which got Sohee rolling his eyes, and scolding Seunghan for not thinking clearly about his future, and it ended up in a cold war between them for a week before one of them broke (really, what most people don’t know about Seunghan is just how fucking dramatic Seunghan can get).

So, this is where they are now. 

A compromise. 

Sohee remembers this so well because it was genuinely something they both agreed to explicitly before they went off to uni. 

It was somewhere during winter, Seunghan must have stayed over at Sohee’s place at that point, and they both must have gotten their acceptance letters already at that point, so it was set in stones even more that they were going to separate unis. 

They both had been gaming throughout the night, something they both had abstained from when sooneung and school exams were going on, so that period of time before they graduated, and waiting for uni was when they made up for lost time. Seunghan had nudged him with his feet, his fingers busy on the console, but eyebrows furrowed, chewing on his lips. 

“Hey, Lee Sohee, you can’t leave me, you’re not allowed to, you get it?” Seunghan had said, and Sohee had snorted at that, not really taking the words seriously, still focused on the game they were both playing. Seunghan, sensing that Sohee was not about to take him seriously, stopped the game, which got Sohee spluttering. 

“I’m serious,” Seunghan had said, turning to look at Sohee, and Sohee could read Seunghan pretty well. Knew his tics, knew when Seunghan was joking around, knew when Seunghan was being serious, and this was the case of the latter. “You can’t leave me.” 

“Seunghan,” Sohee had said, rubbing his face, flopping down on his bed, headache beginning to form. They had definitely been gaming for too long. “What nonsense are you even talking about?” 

Seunghan hovered above Sohee at that point, leaning closer. His hand resting next to Sohee’s head to support his body, staring down at Sohee, looking too serious, saying something that sounded more like a drama line than an actual thing to say to someone. But it’s Seunghan, and he had always been intense about things that he was passionate about, still is. 

Sohee just happens to be one of those things.

“You’re going to be surrounded by other people,” Seunghan had begun, and Sohee was already laughing. 

“The nature of going to uni, man. Actually, any places. Not just uni,” Sohee replied back, and Seunghan flicked his forehead for that. 

“But I’m serious, Sohee,” Seunghan had whined, and he was leaning in even more, too close, that Sohee had to stop him by his chest, grunting as he did, and Seunghan pouted a bit, ignored him, laying down next to Sohee on the bed now. Even at that point, Sohee remembered Seunghan’s scent, how still, still, to this day Sohee doesn’t know what notes they are, but just knows that they’re Seunghan’s, and Seunghan’s alone. “You’re going to find better people--” Sohee laughed, and Seunghan ignored him. “And you’re going to find people whom you think have always been with you, have always been there all along, but they haven’t. You get it? I was here first. And you’re not going to leave me. You can’t.” 

Really, this guy was just saying things. Who just said stuff like that? 

“Hong Seunghan,” Sohee had sighed out, rubbing his face. “Where is this even coming from? We’re friends.” Best friends, really, but they never say it, they never refer to each other as best friends, the words sounding so juvenile to Sohee’s ears even until now, but it’s unspoken, an implied term, that it’s what they both were, and still are. “Of course, I’m not going to leave you. You can’t leave me, too. I’m the one who should be worried.” 

Really, it’s funny. If Seunghan wanted to talk about worry about the other leaving, Sohee should be the one worrying. Seunghan had always been the more famous one between the two of them. 

While people adored Sohee, people liked Seunghan, thought he was hot, smart, whatever the fuck people in high school said back then. Sohee had always been the more shy one between the two of them, so it was a given that people like Seunghan more. Girls confessed to him a lot, juniors, seniors at some point, and even their classmates and people in their year. Seunghan had multiple girlfriends from the confessions alone. Just by pattern alone, Sohee knew that Seunghan would be famous in his own uni. 

Seunghan was just so easy to like. Hell, maybe even in the way Wonbin is right now, now that Sohee thinks about it. 

Seunghan had always been charming, always been nice to everyone. Even at that point, before entering uni, Sohee knew what kind of person Seunghan would be in uni. Sohee was worried, of course, but didn’t think that the worry was something that he could voice out. Felt a bit out of line, Sohee supposed, too vulnerable in the same way that it was too presumptuous, like Sohee shouldn’t have had the privilege to do so. 

Sohee didn’t know what he was worried about, he should’ve known Seunghan would bring it up. 

“You’re worried?” Seunghan had asked, suddenly turning to face Sohee, sounding giddy just at the thought of it all, and really, at times like these, Sohee couldn’t read Seunghan. 

Sohee had turned to look at Seunghan to find him smiling, giddy indeed, his pretty teeth wide, that smile he has where he looks a bit like a cat, and Sohee had to poke Seunghan’s cheeks a little, breathing out a laugh.

“Yeah, Seunghan. You’re going to a pretentious ass uni, you’re going to get pretentious ass friends, you’re going to get pretentious girlfriends, you’re going to join pretentious ass clubs, you’re going to date around, and then boom, one day, you’re going to think, oh, shit it’s been four years, I’m graduating, and I haven’t even talked to Lee Sohee ever since orientation. I wonder how he’s doing, I hope he’s hot and well.” 

Seunghan had laughed hard at that, enveloping Sohee in a hug that Sohee pretended to not like, Seunghan mumbling some things about ah, Lee Sohee, you feel it too, huh? You’re scared to be apart from me, aren’t you? You should have said it first, why is it always me?! 

Sohee was not the type to say drama-esque line, but Sohee did not claim to not be dramatic. 

Sohee kind of knew at that point what Seunghan was getting at. How it was uni, new people, new environment, of course, and it would be so easy to drift apart, to be caught up in the moment, and before you knew it, they would drift apart. They would meet each other during winter and summer breaks, and be awkward because of how much they don’t keep up with each other. 

It was a fear of Sohee’s at that point, being apart from Seunghan, drifting apart when they had been together for so long. 

It was an age old tale, Sohee knew all too well, and even if Sohee made it seem like he didn’t know what Seunghan was getting at, Sohee knew. Sohee resonated with the fear, because genuinely, Seunghan can’t leave him, too. 

Not allowed. Sohee was just not the crazy ass type to say it like Seunghan. 

So, this is what’s happening right now. 

Even when they both don’t go to the same uni, they both make sure to meetup every Saturday, at the very least. They text each other almost everyday when they’re apart, updating stuff and everyday things, keeping in touch, always. They’re both still in Seoul, anyway, there’s no excuse to not see each other even if their uni is in different neighbourhoods. It’s been three months. And with a friendship like his and Seunghan’s, Sohee is not too embarrassed to admit to himself that he does miss Seunghan every time they don’t see each other. 

It’s only because they’ve been with each other for so long. Really, it’s been so long. Not seeing Seunghan feels like missing a limb. 

Anyway. So, yeah. 

They’re both in different unis, with their own majors, Sohee majoring in Literature, and Seunghan in Compsci. Their majors are literally in the opposite ends of the spectrum, Sohee can’t believe how stubborn Seunghan had been back then when he said that he wants to apply to Sohee’s uni that was mostly reputable for its’ Liberal Arts programmes. And even until now, if Sohee brings it up, Seunghan would get a bit heated, too, still a sore spot for him, not being in the same uni as Sohee, the fight they had over it, Sohee being angry at him for settling, maybe, who knows, Sohee just knows Seunghan is still a bit angry over it.  

But it’s now. 

It’s Saturday, his Seunghan day, and Wonbin has a crush, and Sohee can feel his heart breaking bit by bit.  

“Why are you sad?” Seunghan pouts. “It’s Saturday, our day! Be happy you get to see me. Why am I always the happier one to see you, huh?” 

Seunghan still has his arm around Sohee, his hand hanging over the edge of Sohee’s shoulder, so Sohee goes to bite Seunghan’s hand, which got him yelping, but not pulling away. 

“It’s not a competition, Seunghan,” Sohee says, and Seunghan hums, looking around. 

“Yeah, it is. And I’m winning,” Seunghan says. They’re just walking in Seunghan’s uni neighbourhood, looking for a cafe to settle in, the place they always end up in on their Saturdays. They agreed to go to a cafe to do work today, the workload piling up already for both of them, with finals looming closer, and even then, they’re both unwilling to give up the Saturdays they spend together. Most of the time on Saturdays after they just do random things, they would end up doing work, anyway, too guilty to abandon it for the whole day. 

“Do you miss me?” Sohee teases, and Seunghan looks at Sohee, head tilting a little. 

“I miss you all the time,” Seunghan says seriously, and Sohee pushes Seunghan away, rolling his eyes that gets Seunghan laughing. Sohee feels it, too, can admit it to himself, but he doesn’t just say it like that. Really, this guy. 

They eventually settle in a cafe, and of course the barista there knows Seunghan, the pretty girl giggling as Seunghan orders, charming, as always, giving them her employee discount. Sohee feels a bit awkward, standing there as Seunghan is obviously getting hit on, even if it’s not even a rare occurrence. Seunghan goes to secure them a table, taking Sohee’s bag along with him, so Sohee goes to take their drinks and receipt. The girl looks a little alarmed, her eyes darting towards Seunghan who is setting up his laptop, and the receipt, and immediately, Sohee knows without even looking that the girl’s number is on the receipt, nodding at the girl, making her look relieved. 

“A gift for you,” Sohee says when he arrives at their table. Seunghan looks a little confused, and when Sohee juts his lips towards the receipt on the tray, Seunghan immediately takes the paper and crumples it up. Sohee looks back at the barista in alarm, but is glad to find that she had been serving other customers. “Hey, that was rude! Thank god she didn’t see.” 

“No need to be thanking god for silly things,” Seunghan bites out, rolling his eyes, looking annoyed, and really, it’s at times like these that Sohee genuinely can’t read Seunghan. It’s not like Sohee is not used to Seunghan getting confessed to, but it always seems to annoy Seunghan whenever Sohee witnesses it. He’s always been like that ever since he started getting confessions in high school, but Seunghan always ends up dating those girls anyway, even if his relationships have always been so brief, so Sohee doesn’t really get why Seunghan gets so agitated. 

These things never bug Sohee, so Sohee doesn’t know why it bugs Seunghan so much. 

Surely, it feels good to be liked? 

“Okay, well, don’t crumple it,” Sohee says, taking the crumpled receipt, and smoothing it out. “She’ll pass us, and get hurt if she sees this.” 

Okay, maybe Sohee is projecting a little. 

Sohee is not really usually the recipient to these confessions, always the first one to like someone, i.e situation at hand with Wonbin, so seeing Seunghan being so crass with rejecting confessions towards him always makes Sohee a little bit defeated. People who get confessions really don’t know how it feels to be on the other end. 

“I’m not being rude about it,” Seunghan begins, and Sohee gives Seunghan a look. They’ve had this conversation too many times, and each time, Seunghan is always frustrated for some reason. Seunghan deflates. “Ah, whatever. You still haven’t told me why you’re sad.” 

Sohee colours a little as he opens his laptop. Seunghan has always been attentive when it comes to Sohee, and Sohee loves it, really, but at times like these, it bites him in the ass. The thing about being friends with someone who has always received multiple confessions is that it somehow feels embarrassing to be the one liking someone. Seunghan has never once told Sohee about a crush, it’s always people having a crush on him, never the other way around.

Once again, maybe it’s just Sohee projecting, but genuinely, it makes Sohee feel embarrassed to admit that he has a crush on someone, what more someone who likes someone else. Is this how people who confessed to Seunghan feel if Seunghan rejects them? Maybe, but at least they had the gall to confess, unlike Sohee who is still cowering. Sure, Sohee has had crushes back when they went to school together, but it’s never been serious enough for him to actually consider telling Seunghan, or consider confessing to someone. 

But with Wonbin. 

Sohee can feel it. How deep he is in, how different this is from all his other crushes. Sohee considers it. Telling Seunghan about it. Seunghan knows everything else about him, anyway. Why is it so embarrassing to tell him about a crush when they’ve done worse things in front of each other? 

Surely, it’s fine. Surely. 

“You can’t make fun of me, Hong Seunghan,” Sohee begins, and Seunghan who had been sipping on his drink looks at Sohee, blinking slowly, and really, Seunghan really does look like a cat. 

“Lee Sohee, I will never make fun of you,” Seunghan says solemnly, and Sohee rolls his eyes, knowing that that is in and of itself a teasing, because Seunghan does like to tease him. “Tell me! Did anything happen?” 

Sohee closes his eyes, and blurts it out. Okay. Out with it. Nothing’s bad. “I have a crush. On Wonbin-hyung, I mentioned him before. He likes someone else.” 

Seunghan doesn’t say anything. 

In fact, it’s just silence. Okay, Seunghan is going to make fun of him. Why did he even word it like that? It makes him sound like such a middle schooler. My crush, Sohee said, and Sohee is gnawing on his bottom lip at the way it came out, the regret already seeping through his bones. Seunghan is being really quiet, though. 

Sohee has to open his eyes, and to his surprise, Seunghan has his eyebrows furrowed, looking at Sohee in betrayal almost, and Sohee is just about to open his mouth, asking what’s wrong, when Seunghan rushes to pack all of his things, and Sohee can only stare as Seunghan does. Seunghan’s laptop for his major is not exactly sleek either, so he struggles with it, and Sohee can see it, the way Seunghan gets even more frustrated, huffing out, and giving Sohee one last hard look before rushing out of the cafe, leaving Sohee to be. 

Sohee blinks, wondering what the fuck just happened.

When it finally settles that Seunghan really just fucking ditched him when Sohee went all the way to his uni neighbourhood to hangout with him, just like how Seunghan has always wanted, Sohee feels a wave of embarrassment wash over him, before pure anger just takes over. 

Well, fuck you so bad, Hong Seunghan. Fuck you. 

 𓅸

“And then he just fucking left me!” Sohee ends heatedly, as he walks with Chanyoung to their class for today. Chanyoung is just listening to him, nodding and wincing when Sohee ends the story. 

Chanyoung is younger than him, but he’s freakishly smart, so they’re in the same year, but Chanyoung is a music major. They met somewhere during the orientation period, overlapping friends and everything, and that was when they both found out that they picked the same general elective for that semester, and they got closer naturally. Sohee tried to pull the senior by age card on Chanyoung, but Chanyoung is just so indifferent and unimpressed by it that Sohee just treats Chanyoung like a close friend, which he is. 

In fact, Chanyoung is the only one who knows about his crush on Wonbin. Well, fucking Seunghan knows, too, but Sohee is so indescribably mad at Seunghan now that even the thought of Seunghan makes him seethe, honestly. 

Like, what the fuck was that? Is Seunghan homophobic? 

Surely not, he’s way into the Love, Simon movie even if Sohee personally thinks that it’s a bit of a shit movie. Sohee doesn’t think it’s that, but at this point, Sohee doesn’t even know what to think. 

That Saturday, Sohee stayed for another thirty minutes at the cafe, finishing his drink, although his ears were feeling hot even if other people probably didn’t give a fuck, but it somehow felt like Sohee was being observed, everyone in the room aware that Sohee got ditched by his best friend. 

It was such a shitty feeling, and Sohee couldn't believe that Seunghan was the one, out of all people, who made him feel like that. They fight, sure, they argue, but they’ve never hurt the other like this. This feels even worse than finding out about Wonbin’s crush, honestly, and Sohee kind of wants the nearest car to hit him for this to stop hurting. Sohee even texted Seunghan with a wtf hong seunghan on Saturday when he left the cafe. 

Saturday night, when he was too distracted and sad to even do work, he sent some texts too, all more or less saying fuck you, Seunghan and a series of ???? but even until now, Monday, Seunghan hasn’t opened the texts, when he’s the one usually eager to text Sohee. In fact, this is usually the time on Monday when Seunghan would send him a selfie of him just waking up, because he doesn’t have morning classes on Monday, so Seunghan tends to sleep in. 

But still, until now, no news, zero, nada.

Yeah, fuck him. Sohee doesn’t know if he’s more sad or angry now, but either way, it’s a fuck you to Seunghan. 

“Let me get this straight,” Chanyoung begins, as they enter the lecture theatre. “Your best friend--” Sohee goes to argue, but Chanyoung shushes him, and Sohee pouts a little. “On your supposed date day--” Sohee goes to argue again, and Chanyoung waves Sohee away again as he picks a middle aisle seat for them. “Abandoned you because you told him that you have a crush on Wonbin-hyung.” 

Yeah, okay, at least Chanyoung got that part right. 

“Yeah!” Sohee agrees, slumping down on the lecture theatre’s seat. “Isn’t that a fucking shitty thing to do?” 

“Is he homophobic?” Chanyoung ponders, and Sohee shakes his head immediately. That one, at least, is something Sohee is sure of. Maybe. Ninety per cent at least. “Okay, not that. But you did this on Saturday, the day everyone knows that you reserved for him?” Chanyoung repeats again, and honestly, Sohee loves hanging out with Chanyoung, but with how he’s retelling this story, it sounds like Sohee is the one at fault. 

“Why can’t I? He’s my best friend, why can’t I talk about my crush?” Sohee argues, although he would never say the word best friend to Seunghan. 

“Honestly, hyung, I didn’t know you were that serious about Wonbin-hyung,” Chanyoung admits, taking out his laptop, looking at Sohee warily. “I just thought you find him attractive like everyone else. I didn’t think you’d actually admit you have a crush on him, what more in front of your--uh, best friend.” 

Sohee blinks, looking at Chanyoung in thought. “Why,” Sohee begins. “Did you word it like that?” 

“What?” Chanyoung asks defensively. “Surely, you can connect the dots now. You said he’s not homophobic. You said your best friend is angry that you like someone. Your best friend whom you go on dates with every Saturday.” 

Sohee laughs. “Dude, what? Seunghan and I are friends! We’ve always been friends.” 

“Maybehe’snothappywiththat,” Chanyoung mumbles under his breath, and Sohee missed it, leaning closer to hear what Chanyoung was saying. 

“What?” Sohee asks, leaning in closer, and Chanyoung just sighs exasperatedly. Before Sohee can prod even more, the lecturer enters, and Sohee pokes at Chanyoung. “You’re on my side.” 

Chanyoung blinks. “I don’t even know this Seunghan dude. You talk about him a lot, but I don’t even know what he looks like.” 

“My side,” Sohee says, and Chanyoung stifles a sigh. 

Throughout the class, Sohee tries to focus, he really does. 

But the whole thing with Seunghan is just fucking bugging him. 

They’ve fought before. 

They’ve been friends for so long, of course they’re bound to fight. 

They had their infamous cold war back then when they fought about Seunghan going to Sohee’s uni. They fought when Sohee forgot to send texts when he was on vacation back then. Seunghan gets mad at Sohee whenever he adds too much of the spicy sauce ot his ramen just because he wants a bite, for fuck’s sake. Sohee gets mad whenever Seunghan is being a little too impatient. They argue about the little things, but it’s never been mean-spirited. They fight and argue so much that it would be a moot point to list them all out, but somehow this one is just different somehow.

It was on their sacred Saturday, and Seunghan fucking ditched him despite knowing the value of their Saturdays. Without even an explanation, without even a text. Their fights always have reasonings behind them, no matter how petty and stupid they are, and it’s always solved whenever one of them cracks, the feeling of missing each other getting too much. 

This time around, Sohee is just left floating, not knowing what he even did wrong, what to even be angry about more than the mere surface level of Seunghan leaving him. And at the core of it all, even if it doesn’t even scratch anything, Sohee stupidly thinks about how much it had hurt, actually, for how easy it was for Seunghan to leave him like that, with no explanations, with no nothing. 

Would Seunghan have left him just like that? If they were to drift apart in uni? In fact, is this what’s fucking happening right now? 

Suddenly, Sohee feels like he can’t breathe. The thought of Seunghan leaving him. How easy it was for him to do so. You can’t leave me, my ass. Fuck you, Hong Seunghan, seriously. 

By the end of the lecture, Sohee not only has to beg for notes from Chanyoung, but his heart feels so much heavier with the weight of his realisation. Hong Seunghan is going to leave him. Seunghan is going to go, and he’s going to be okay with the fact, and Seunghan hasn’t even fucking opened the texts he sent him. Chanyoung must have sensed how sad Sohee is about this because he’s already saying gently that he’s going to treat Sohee to boba as they exit the lecture theatre, when a familiar voice calls him out. 

“Hey, Lee Sohee.” 

Sohee whips his head to the voice, and despite the anger, the sadness he feels, Sohee feels the relief seeping in even more at the sight of him. 

It’s Seunghan. Of course, it is. 

Sohee stupidly feels his heart soar, and honestly, Sohee always misses Seunghan when they’re apart, but after being left hanging like that, the ache of missing Seunghan feels even worse. Seunghan always looks good, but after being apart, he looks even better, somehow, and Sohee can’t be blamed for staring a little. 

It’s still Spring, with unpredictable weather still, and fluctuating heat and cold. Seunghan is wearing the leather jacket they thrifted together, his hair unstyled, so it looks soft as it falls on his forehead. Back in highschool, Seunghan preferred to gel his hair, and Sohee has never said it, but he has always liked it more when Seunghan doesn’t wear his gel, thinking he looks softer that way. 

And he does. 

Right now, Seunghan looks soft and boyish, and lovely. The people in the faculty have never seen him before, so of course there are glances here and there, as Seunghan walks towards him and Chanyoung, who is standing to the side so that they’re not in anyone’s way. Seunghan is really handsome, and somehow with other people staring at him as he walks, it feels like a fresh dawn of realisation. How easily he catches people's eyes, magnetic. 

With Seunghan this close, Sohee can see the tiredness in his eyes, how there are eyebags, and as shitty as it sounds, Sohee is glad that Seunghan is as affected by this as Sohee is. 

Damn right, he should be. Sohee can feel the anger and sadness softening the moment he sees Seunghan, but still, if there’s one thing about Sohee is that he has a little bit of an ego. 

“Lee Sohee,” Seunghan just says, and Sohee purses his lips, looking away from Seunghan. “Hey, look at me.” 

“Well, you left me, so I can do whatever the hell I want, I think,” Sohee argues, and Sohee can hear Seunghan sighing. 

“I’m sorry, I really am,” Seunghan says, and just at that, Sohee softens even more, looking at Seunghan now. His eyes look exhausted, it really does, and really, Sohee’s, too. They fight, sure, but the few times they have their silent treatments, it always leaves both of them so exhausted. It’s an act to put on, pretending to not care about Seunghan when Seunghan is one of the people he cares about the most. 

“I’m not Wonbin,” Chanyoung suddenly blurts out, and honestly, Sohee forgot that Chanyoung was there. 

“People usually introduce their name,” Sohee says, poking at Chanyoung’s waist, and Chanyoung yelps a little. 

“Well, you know, before any more misunderstandings happen,” Chanyoung trails off, and Sohee really doesn’t get Chanyoung, but Seunghan looks uncomfortable, coughing, and avoiding Sohee’s eyes now. “I’m Lee Chanyoung. Sohee’s friend.” 

“Hong Seunghan,” Seunghan says, grinning a little, the smile that makes him look so boyish. “Sohee’s friend first.” 

“Alright,” Chanyoung trails off again, not knowing what to say to that, and Sohee gives Seunghan a look. “Well, Sohee-hyung, your boba offer is still up, just claim it. I’ll go first.” 

Chanyoung leaves, and since the next class in the lecture theatre is already in the theatre, it’s just both of them in this empty hallway, save for a few people here and there passing to go to the stairs. It’s always a bit awkward, after a silent treatment, not knowing how to rekindle this quite right. 

So, Sohee returns to basic. 

“How did you know I was here?” Sohee asks, leaning on the wall, just studying Seunghan. He’s avoiding Sohee’s eyes still. 

“Well, we have each other’s schedule,” Seunghan just says, shrugging, looking around the faculty, pretending to be interested in the information board, the banners, whatever, just to avoid looking at Sohee. 

They do have each other’s schedule. It was in the beginning of the semester, where they exchanged schedules, Sohee’s schedule just happens to also have the room numbers there. Sohee just never thought that Seunghan would go here on a weekday. They usually always end up in Seunghan’s uni neighbourhood anyway, rarely ever here since Seunghan is the one who has an apartment, rather than Sohee’s dorm.

“What did you do on Saturday after you left me like that?” Sohee asks. Okay, not so basic. 

“Sohee,” Seunghan whines, taking Sohee’s hand, and Sohee scoffs, but doesn’t pull away from Seunghan’s hold. It’s soft, the way Seunghan is cradling Sohee’s hand, playing with the index, pulling on it, pouting as he does. 

“Seriously, dude, fuck you. Fuck you so bad, I can’t believe you did that to me,” Sohee finally explodes, and Seunghan winces a little at the amount of profanities. 

“I’m sorry,” Seunghan says, and Sohee feels like exploding. 

“You have to explain,” Sohee says, because genuinely, the lack of reason was the one that made Sohee lose his mind. Seunghan can be angry, can be sulky, Sohee can, too, but it’s always with reasons. What happened was just psychological torture. 

“You don’t know?” Seunghan asks, meeting Sohee’s eyes, and Sohee feels his throat dry up at the look. Seunghan always gets a little intense if you look at him. He’s god at eye-contact, doesn’t get shy with it like other people do. Sohee doesn’t know, actually. Sohee really doesn’t. “You really don’t know?” 

Sohee coughs, looking away from Seunghan. “How the hell was I supposed to know the reason why you just left me like that, Seunghan?” 

Seunghan is just about to reply when someone comes bounding down the stairs. It’s Wonbin. Honestly, Sohee almost forgot about the whole Wonbin ordeal the moment the whole Seunghan thing happened, the latter affecting him more than the former. 

But still, crushes don’t just disappear. 

It must have been obvious in Sohee’s eyes, the way they light up, maybe, the way his mouth is agape, staring at the person, or maybe Seunghan just knows him too much, too well, because Seunghan turns, and Sohee immediately knows that Seunghan is aware that it’s Wonbin this time. 

“Sohee!” Wonbin exclaims, when he sees Sohee, and Sohee can’t help it. Wonbin is just so pretty, he’s nice, lovely, and when Wonbin runs a bit to hug Sohee, Sohee can feel it in his tummy, the way it turns a little at the sight, even if Sohee knows, he knows, that this doesn’t, and can’t even toe the line of romantic. Still, Sohee relishes in it, the feeling of being held, being adored by Wonbin.

“Wonbin-hyung,” Sohee mumbles, hooking his chin on Wonbin’s shoulder, and giving Seunghan a look of desperation, for what, Sohee is not exactly sure.

But Seunghan must have known what to do, how to help, because while Seunghan really looks annoyed as hell, he grabs Sohee’s shoulder, abruptly interrupting the hug between Wonbin and Sohee. Sohee blinks, not expecting that, and Wonbin, for the first time ever since Sohee has known him, looks annoyed at whoever it was that interrupted them. 

Wonbin looks at Seunghan, who is pulling Sohee close to him, resting his head against Sohee’s own head, his hands trailing to Sohee’s collarbones, and Wonbin’s eyes follow the hand, with furrowed brows, probably confused at this whole interaction, and honestly, Sohee is, too, not knowing what the hell Seunghan is getting at. 

“Who’s this, Sohee?” Wonbin asks politely, schooling his expression into one of a polite smile, but Sohee knows Wonbin enough to know that the smile looks a little tight. 

“Uh--” 

“Hey, Park Wonbin, right? It’s Hong Seunghan, Sohee’s boyfriend.” 

Wonbin looks shocked, and Sohee can’t exactly see Seunghan, but Sohee just knows that Seunghan has a shiteating grin on his face. 

And Sohee? 

Well, Sohee is just so fucking done with Hong Seunghan. 

𓅸

Seunghan always has this very specific look on his face when he knows he’s getting scolded.  

Sohee knows it since childhood, whenever they get scolded by Sohee's older sisters for disturbing them when they play too loudly. Sohee knows the look of it since middle school, whenever Seunghan gets too distracted by the person sitting next to him that he has to get moved. Sohee knows it since their first year of high school, when Seunghan got his first piercings without telling his parents from some dodgy tattoo place. Sohee knows it whenever Seunghan’s older brother likes to be too much of a dad with him, which Seunghan just fucking hates.

Right now, in Sohee’s small dorm, Sohee is seeing the look again, and this time, Sohee is the one doing the scolding. 

Seunghan is looking down on his phone, splayed out on Sohee’s bed, pretending to not see Sohee’s piercing look towards him. Every time Seunghan gets scolded, he always has this look on his face like he’s very nonchalant about getting scolded, when Sohee knows that Seunghan is just trying his best to seem nonchalant, the scolding actually affecting him more than anything, putting up a front, almost, to not seem weak. 

Seunghan looks up, a fake grin on his face when he notices Sohee still staring at him. “Sohee, I have a class soo--” 

“I know,” Sohee growls out, and Seunghan looks down again, nodding and smiling his fake smile. Sohee sighs, rubbing his face, kicking at Seunghan’s feet. “Why the hell did you tell Wonbin-hyung you’re my boyfriend?” 

Seunghan pockets his phone, looking up, sighing as he does. “What? Can’t I? Are you homophobic?” 

Sohee throws Seunghan a pillow. “You’re the one who ran out on me after I fucking told you I liked a guy! Shouldn’t I be asking you that question, dickhead?” 

“Hey, mean,” Seunghan says, pouting, and Sohee is really close to jumping on Seunghan right now. 

“You wanna talk about being mean?” Sohee asks, referring to Saturday all over again, and Seunghan’s eyes soften. They haven’t talked about that incident in full, but Sohee knows that Seunghan is aware of how much that affected him, how it had hurt, and really, Seunghan is just being too confusing these days. Sohee has always been able to read Seunghan most of the time, but Seunghan has never been this hard to decode. 

Seunghan gets up a little to sit on the bed, taking Sohee’s hand in his, looking at Sohee softly, pulling Sohee forward so Sohee is now sitting next to him on the bed, while Seunghan is leaning against the bed frame, so they can look at each other. “Hey. I’m sorry about Saturday, okay. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I’m sorry, I really am. I promise it’s not that I felt weird about you liking a guy.” Sohee looks at Seunghan, can see it, the sincerity behind his eyes. 

“Why did you leave?” Sohee asks, and Seunghan breathes out a laugh. “You’re the one who said to not leave.” 

“Lee Sohee,” Seunghan whines, pulling Sohee into his hold, squishing Sohee as he does. “You remember our highschool promise?” 

“And you broke it,” Sohee points out, and Seunghan whimpers a little, hugging Sohee even tighter. Sohee misses Seunghan, he really does. It was only a couple of days, but if you really think about it, it’s been more than a week. Their Saturday this time around was so brief. It’s been a while. 

“I’m sorry,” Seunghan says again, this time Sohee can hear it clearly in his ears since Seunghan is still hugging him. Maybe it’s easier for Seunghan to say when they’re not looking at each other, but this time he whispers the reason. Not that Sohee can fully understand, but still there’s an explanation, so Sohee takes it. “I think I was just shocked. Scared, maybe. Realised something. I’m sorry I ran away. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

Sohee slumps against Seunghan’s hold, sighing as he does. He wants Seunghan to explain more, to tell him exactly why he was scared, but knows Seunghan enough that that was all Seunghan was willing to give. Sohee just pulls away, giving Seunghan a look. 

“Yeah, yeah. And the whole boyfriend thing? Seriously, dude, you caught me off guard. Why would you say that?” 

Seunghan clears his throat, avoiding Sohee’s eyes again. “Well, I was helping you! You obviously like this Wonbin guy. And despite, well, things, I’m not gonna be an ass about it. So, I’m helping you.” 

Sohee wants to tear his hair out. “And how would telling Wonbin-hyung that you’re my boyfriend help me? It’s over anyway, he likes someone else.” 

Seunghan hums a little, thinking. “Okay, how do I word this?” Seunghan clicks his fingers, looking at Sohee, grinning now, at least. “Okay, what if, like there’s something you’ve never thought that you wanted. Shoes, clothes, anything, whatever.” Sohee hums, not really getting where this is going, but following the logic. “Okay, then, suddenly someone shows up wearing whatever it is, having whatever it is that you’d never thought that you would want. Suddenly, seeing it on that person, it makes you want that item. It’s just like that. You get it, right?” 

Sohee just blinks slowly. He’s following Seunghan’s logic, sees where it’s going, but honestly, Sohee has kind of given up on the whole Wonbin thing. It’s Sungchan, anyway. That’s another league that Sohee can’t ever breach.

“We’re making him jealous, Sohee,” Seunghan spells out when Sohee takes too long to reply, and Sohee rolls his eyes a little. 

“I got that part. But we’re really fake dating just to get Wonbin-hyung jealous?” Sohee asks, and Seunghan shrugs, turning his eyes away from Sohee.

“Yeah, who knows? Maybe it’ll work. Your Wonbin-hyung seems a bit pissed at me earlier,” Seunghan says, kissing his teeth at the recollection of earlier, and Sohee sighs, resting his head on Seunghan’s knee, and Seunghan is already running his fingers through Sohee’s hair. If Sohee thinks about it clearly, Wonbin really did seem pissed earlier, a little shocked even at Seunghan’s words about being Sohee’s boyfriend. But Sohee thinks it’s probably just being pissed at a random stranger for being quite rude towards him. 

But still, maybe Sohee can hope.

“I feel like there’s a better way to go about doing this,” Sohee whispers into Seunghan’s knee, and Seunghan laughs. Even here, Seunghan smells like him. Whatever it is. 

“Well, if all fails, you at least have experienced what it’s like dating me,” Seunghan says, and Sohee lifts his head up, snorting as he does. 

“Aw, I’ll be one of your little girlfriends,” Sohee laughs, and Seunghan makes a face. 

“Why do you keep saying that? I always let it slide, but you always assume that I’m just into girls even if I never said that. I’m voluntarily dating you, surely you can get that part, at least?” Seunghan asks incredulously, and since he still has his hold on Sohee’s hair, he pulls on Sohee’s hair a little to reprimand him. Sohee doesn’t really get why Seunghan worded it like that, but like.

“Fake dating,” Sohee reminds, and Seunghan kisses his teeth again. “And you’ve only dated girls. Is it so wrong to assume?” 

“Yeah,” Seunghan replies.

“Well, okay, have you ever thought that I’d be into guys, then?” Sohee shoots back.

Seunghan looks a little annoyed now, at Sohee saying it like that, and really, Seunghan has got to be better at schooling his expression if he wants Sohee to be convinced that he’s not weirded out about Sohee liking guys. Sohee just buries his face back into Seunghan’s knee.

“Why did you never tell me that?” 

Sohee looks up from where he’s resting his head on Seunghan’s knee, gauging Seunghan’s expression. He’s not avoiding Sohee’s eyes now, at least, looking at Sohee intensely, and Sohee has to wonder if Seunghan is also gauging Sohee’s emotions, how he’s feeling. 

Sohee rests his elbows on the bed, looking up at Seunghan, shrugging as he does. “It just never came up. It’s not like I dated anyone in highschool. It’s not a big deal, anyway.” 

Seunghan’s mouth opens a little, hesitating, so Sohee pokes at his thigh, a way to tell him to just blurt it out. “Did you like a guy in highschool?” 

Sohee blinks, thinking about it. Honestly, his highschool life was just spent with Seunghan, and his classmates, but mostly Seunghan. Seunghan has dated a classmate of theirs before, but Sohee has never really liked any of his classmates romantically. Sure, objectively, some of them are attractive, even Seunghan included, but it’s never been a full on crush that got Sohee reeling like Wonbin right now. The only time Sohee remembered having a crush on a guy was during his first year of highschool, on a senior, Na Jaemin, but the moment he graduated, the crush disappeared with it.

Sohee just blinks. “Well, there was Jaemin-sunbae.” 

Seunghan crinkles his nose at that, swiping a touch on Sohee’s chin. “Jaemin-sunbae? He’s in my uni, y’know, what the hell? You liked him? Why didn’t you tell me? Did you not trust me?” 

Sohee thinks rather than that, it’s more that it just wasn’t a big deal. Genuinely, Sohee has never felt shameful in his whole liking guys thing, but it’s not like he just wants to air it out like that, when there was no one in particular that caught his eyes back then. 

Sohee laughs. “Jaemin-sunbae didn’t even talk to me. It wasn’t too huge of a crush, anyway, he was just nice to look at.” Sohee grips Seunghan’s thigh, getting closer, excited now at the revelation. “But, what? Why didn’t you tell me that he’s in your uni? You could’ve set us up!” 

Soohee’s honestly just joking around, if Wonbin is out of his league, Jaemin is even higher up there. But Seunghan looks annoyed again, shoving Sohee away a little, which got Sohee whining, pushing Seunghan, which got Seunghan tickling him, so they ended up in a little horsing around in Sohee’s freaking single dorm bed like kids again.

“Stop, you win,” Seunghan whines finally, when Sohee manages to access his ears, the place where he’s most ticklish, and Sohee laughs, pulling away from tickling Seunghan. Somehow, after all that jostling, they end up on the bed laying side by side. Seunghan is in Sohee’s hold, looking like he’s about to sleep now, suddenly, cocooning himself in Sohee’s body, his head resting on Sohee’s arm, but Sohee knows that he has a class in an hour or so, and travelling back to his uni takes time, too. 

“You have a class soon. The one with the prof you hate,” Sohee reminds him, threading his fingers through Seunghan’s hair. It’s really nice ungelled. Soft. 

“I know,” Seunghan mumbles, but instead of getting up, he just burrows himself further into Sohee’s underarms, arms sliding against Sohee’s waist now to pull him closer. They always sleep together. It’s normal, these things. They’ve had sleepovers since they were kids, and whenever Sohee’s over at Seunghan’s place, they would more often than not end up like this, too. 

With the time right now, just about 2pm, and the way they’re situated, it’s really just freaking perfect for a nap. Seunghan owes him sleep, actually. His weekend was compromised with how much he had thought about the whole thing with Seunghan, staring at the ceiling, thinking about things, and looking at his unread texts to Seunghan, rather than sleeping. If Sohee was unconfident before that the whole debacle didn’t affect Seunghan, then, this is a confirmation. Seunghan looks tired, breathing softly into Sohee’s arm. 

In fact, Sohee thinks he’s asleep. 

“Are you skipping?” Sohee asks softly. 

Seunghan grunts a little as a confirmation. 

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Sohee asks.

“It’s just a lecture,” Seunghan mumbles into Sohee’s arms. “My prof can understand that I got into a fight with my boyfriend, and needed to make up with him.” 

“Ah, seriously, Hong Seunghan, don’t overdo it. Seriously,” Sohee whines, pulling away from Seunghan’s hold on his waist, sleepiness gone, and Seunghan is immediately laughing his apologies, his hold on Sohee’s waist tightening, and Sohee can only give Seunghan an unimpressed look. 

“If you’re going to skip, at least sleep for real,” Sohee replies, settling back into their position, which got Seunghan smiling in contentment, still with his eyes closed.

“Okay, boyfriend,” Seunghan mumbles, and Sohee just sighs, not wanting to scold him anymore, too tired. 

Sohee is just about to drift away to sleep, thinking that Seunghan is, too, when Seunghan suddenly speaks out. Seunghan says it in whispers, as if he’s not sure that he wants Sohee to hear, but knows that at least, it’s out there for the room to hear. 

“I really am sorry,” Seunghan whispers. “ You know I won’t leave you, right?” 

Sohee doesn’t even know what to say to the fact that Sohee really thought Seunghan would. It felt like drowning. That’s how scary it had felt, the realisation that their fight could have not ended like this; them tangled up in Sohee’s way too small of a bed, with the sun shyly peeking through Sohee’s blinds,  giving them the time they need to rekindle this, to fix this. Rather than this, they could’ve drifted apart. It would’ve been so easy, honestly. One week of silent treatment, two weeks, three weeks, all the way to summer break. Sohee doesn’t know what to do with the fact that he was so fucking scared that it actually might have happened. 

If Seunghan didn’t come. 

Sohee just snuggles closer to Seunghan, and hopes that Seunghan knows Sohee enough to know that it means thank you for being here.  

𓅸

If there’s one thing Sohee knows for sure about Wonbin is that he doesn’t forget shit. 

Sohee should’ve known the moment he entered the music club room that Wonbin would be there, because this is also another place where they would usually meetup. But still, at the sight of Wonbin, Sohee winces, and is just about ready to bolt when Wonbin calls his name out slowly as he tunes his guitar, without even turning, as if knowing immediately that it was Sohee who entered the club room. 

“Sohee,” Wonbin just says, still not even turning away from his guitar. “Don’t even think about skipping today’s meet.” 

Sohee almost lets out a groan, the other members of the club already in the room are looking at Sohee and Wonbin, decoding what happened between them, when they would usually be buddy buddy already with each other when they see each other. Sohee scans the room, to see if there’s anyone who could save him, but Chanyoung isn’t even here yet, and Chenle, nosiest out of them all is already looking at Wonbin with a glint in his eyes. 

“Why? What’s happening? Did you guys fight? Wonbin’s favourite junior?” Chenle asks, setting up the chairs around the room, and Sohee immediately winces, settling his backpack down on the floor, just praying to whatever god is out there to at least have Chanyoung come faster so that this interrogation can stop. 

“Not my favourite anymore since Sohee apparently likes to keep secrets,” Wonbin says, clicking his tongue, settling his guitar down, and finally, finally turning to look at Sohee. Sohee has apologies on the tip of his tongue already, for Seunghan’s rude behaviour maybe, for keeping “secrets,” maybe, but either way, Sohee is ready when Wonbin just blurts it out. “Did you all know that Sohee has a boyfriend?” 

The thing about blurting out gossip in a room full of specifically nosy people is that it’s bound to create some reactions. There’s Chenle, who immediately starts laughing incredulously when Wonbin says it. There’s Jisung, the quiet one in the club, but even he looks a little shocked, leaning forward in intrigue on his chair at Wonbin’s words. Chaewon, someone Sohee barely even talks to in the club, also gasps at this revelation. 

“What?” Chenle cries out. “Who is it?” 

Sohee is just about to reply when Wonbin beats him to it, and okay, really Sohee never realised just how much of a gossip Wonbin is, but either way, it’s heightening Sohee’s need to just disappear at the moment. Sohee is pretty quiet in the club, except for when it’s his turn to sing, or whatever. Being the centre of attention by ten or so people in this room feels almost like a spotlight being shone on him. He might as well be performing. In fact, with this whole fake dating scheme Seunghan cooked up, he is performing. Just not the type he’s used to. 

Wonbin seems to realise how uncomfortable Sohee’s getting because he immediately softens, shrugging. “Well, Sohee can tell if he wants.” 

“What?!” Yizhuo exclaims, flicking Wonbin’s head slightly as she passes him. “You’re the one who mentioned it, you can’t just pretend to be nice about things when you exposed him.” 

Like, literally, though. Sohee agrees with Yizhuo, but Sohee fucking knows that she’s also into the gossip so he’s not going to say anything in support to that. But still, since he and Seunghan have committed to the whole bit, and Wonbin opened his big ass mouth, Sohee might as well come out with it. 

“Uh, yeah, friend from highschool. Hong Seunghan, my boyfriend,” Sohee just admits sheepishly, the word feeling foreign in his tongue, and the whole room erupts in shouts and screams again. 

“Let me see him,” Chenle demands, going over to where Sohee is sitting, and draping himself over Sohee, which makes Sohee whine, and Wonbin at least is smiling at Sohee now, finding the whole thing amusing that everyone is ganging up on him. Sohee just pouts at Wonbin, which got Wonbin cackling even more. Even though he’s the brunt of the joke, Sohee can’t help but smile a little at being able to make Wonbin laugh. 

“You’re so nosy, hyung,” Sohee grunts out as Chenle continues to pester him, and at this point Chanyoung enters the room with his cello, looking a little taken aback by all the attention on the room being on Sohee. Sohee tries his best to convey with his eyes that he needs saving, but Chanyoung only purses his lips, and Sohee almost whimpers. Is it because he makes fun of the fact that Chanyoung has to carry cello to school every Friday evening when they’re not even too serious about the music club? Surely, Sohee has some good karma left?

“What’s happening?” Chanyoung asks. 

“Sohee has a boyfriend. Did you know, Chanyoung?” Jisung chuckles. 

“Boyfriend?” Chanyoung echoes, meeting Sohee’s eyes, and at this point, Sohee needs saving because Chenle is literally all over him, making grabby hands at his phone. “Boyfriend.” 

“Hong Seunghan,” Chenle demands. “Ring any bells? I just wanna see what he looks like, but Sohee is literally gatekeeping him! Is he that hot? Or is he that ugly? These things can go both ways, y’know. I will just assume he’s ugly until you tell me otherwise.” 

“Oh, he’s not ugly,” Chanyoung and Wonbin say at the same time, and at that, Wonbin looks at Sohee in betrayal again. Ah, shit. 

“What?” Wonbin whines. “And I’m not even the first person to know about your boyfriend? What the hell, Lee Sohee? Seriously not my favourite anymore.” 

Sohee thinks he’s good at being under the spotlight. He sings, for fuck’s sake, been singing for so long, joined this music club to perform, anyway, for fun, sure, but to perform, too. But right now, with the attention in the room towards him, Sohee just wants to disappear. Maybe if he’s not the one on the receiving end of things, it would be fun to witness, but right now, Sohee can feel his face heating up, embarrassed at the amount of attention on him. The only thing to stop these hyenas is just to show Seunghan’s face, Sohee knows that. 

So, Sohee reluctantly pulls out his phone, which gets Chenle cheering as Sohee pulls out his Instagram.

“Oh, damn, not even a he looks better in real life disclaimer, huh? Wow, he must be really hot,” Chenle observes, and Sohee just shoves his phone to Chenle’s hand, letting him scroll through Seunghan’s Instagram, and the others crowd around him, even freaking Wonbin and Chanyoung. 

Seunghan’s feed is pretty nice, anyway. Sohee is all the way in the end of the spectrum who barely posts anything on his Instagram, his posts still remaining at zero, barely posts stories, whereas Seunghan has about thirty posts, and posts quite frequently on his stories. The number fluctuates every time he thinks a picture doesn’t match his feed or something, so he archives some of them. Sohee doesn’t really get it, but Seunghan cares about those things, so Sohee lets him be. 

The members of the club are o oh-ahh -ing over Seunghan’s pictures, and Sohee takes the time to close his eyes to reflect how exactly he got into this position. Not only did his crush on Wonbin practically get burned to the ground, he also had a fight with Seunghan, and now he’s somehow fake dating his best friend? Like, it takes crazy gymnastics to get to this part, and Sohee feels like he hasn’t even been doing anything in particular to end up in this situation, yet here he is, anyway. 

How the hell is this fake dating thing even going to work? They don’t even have the same group of friends. Sohee doesn’t know why either, but Seunghan has never met his uni friends, and Sohee has never met Seunghan’s. Their Saturdays are always for them, and no one else’s. It never came up, so it never even crossed Sohee’s mind that he could ask Seunghan to meet his uni friends. Maybe it is for the better that Seunghan hasn’t so that they can make this whole fake dating thing work, but right now, Sohee doesn’t even know how having people other than Wonbin know about their supposed “relationship” can plead their case.

Seunghan better has some kind of genius plan, because honestly, at this point, if everyone in the faculty thinks that Sohee is dating someone, and if his crush on Wonbin is over, then it’s basically just fucking over for Sohee in terms of his dating life. 

“Dating?” Chanyoung whispers to Sohee when he’s done being nosy, and Sohee opens his eyes, giving Chanyoung a pitiful look. “Am I reading you guys’ relationship wrong? I swear I got a completely different dynamic the other day.” 

Sohee gives Chanyoung a look. “What does that even mean?” Before Chanyoung can even reply, Sohee waves him off, tugging his arm, pulling him down, to whisper in his ears. “It’s fake. Fake dating. To get, y’know, jealous.” 

Chanyoung pulls away, giving Sohee an unimpressed look. “And whose bright idea was this?” 

Sohee pouts. “Seunghan.” 

Chanyoung just sighs. Before Sohee can even ask even more, Yizhuo is already making a comment about Seunghan. 

“Wow, Lee Sohee, he’s handsome,” Yizhuo whistles, giving Sohee a look of approval where she’s still leaning down over Chenle’s shoulder to look over at Seunghan’s feed. Okay, surely, Seunghan isn’t that hot, they’ve been holding Sohee’s phone hostage for way too damn long to just make a little commentary on Seunghan’s pictures. If the ground can open up right at this moment, it would be helpful, too. Or, if Sohee can just have his phone back. Whichever comes first. In fact, aren’t they a music club? Why are there no singing, no music, no performing right now? Sometimes, Sohee thinks the school granted them this club room for gossipping and lounging rather than its’ intended reason. 

“And half his pictures are with you,” Jisung points out, laughing as he does, and the others agreed, laughing. The ground should really open up right now. Or anyone can start performing. Whichever. Really, Sohee’s not picky.

“You’ve been dating for so long. High school sweethearts? That’s so cute,” Wonbin whines, giving another pout to Sohee. “Why didn’t you tell hyung?” 

“I wish I had a highschool sweetheart,” Chaewon whines, and Chenle just pats her arm in sympathy, finally giving Sohee his phone back. 

Sohee just laughs nervously, forgetting about that very crucial fact that yes, Sohee gets featured so fucking much on Seunghan’s Instagram. Their friends from highschool and even middle and elementary school know that they’re not dating, of course, know naturally how close they are, but from a stranger’s point of view, of course it looks somehow strange to see so much of each other. It’s not even just pictures of them together, but literally solo photos of Sohee that Seunghan takes sometimes, where Seunghan thinks he looks cute and matches his feed that he posts. 

“We’re all gonna meet him officially, right?” Chenle asks, and Sohee gives Chanyoung a look that Chanyoung just holds his hands up to, as if saying what the hell do you want me to do, and honestly, okay, fair as hell. 

“Please, Sohee,” Wonbin begs. “Invite him to dinner later. I made such a bad first impression, and as your favourite hyung, I gotta fix that. I don’t want your boyfriend to end up hating me.” 

Okay, well, a lot to unpack with that, and not really enough time right now. “Um. Yeah, I’ll ask him,” Sohee relents, and Chenle winks at him. Sohee wants to take him by the shoulders, and shake Chenle so that he realises that he’s also the catalyst in this whole fake dating shenanigan, too. 

Seunghan better be ready to reap what he sow. 

𓅸

seunghan 🐈

why did so many of ur mutuals started following me 

did u finally tell them about your poor little seunghan you left behind in highschool 😢

am i finally getting upgraded to your uni friends 

do they know of my existence now 😸

sohee (•ө•)♡

Wtf they requested you?????

seunghan 🐈

yeah hahah like ten of them

did you talk about meeeee im so shy

sohee do you like your bf that much

sohee (•ө•)♡

Is this funny to u….. 

Im literally freaking out they think we’ve been dating since highschool dude

seunghan 🐾

oh shit babyyy almost four years anniversary 

sohee (•ө•)♡

This is seriously all ur fault seunghan omg my tummy hurts from all these lies

sseunghan 🐾

u okay?? u took meds??? do you need me to buy you anything???

sohee (•ө•)♡

No :( idk i think im just nervous how this will turn out

They invited you to the dinner later btw it’s near my uni tho

seunghan 🐾

omg meeting the friends nowww sohee i didn’t know we were at this stage of our relationship

although we’ve been dating for four years tho so we should know each other’s friends already uknow

bad boyfriend sohee :(

sohee (•ө•)♡

Seunghaaaan 

Stop joking aroundddd 

Im so nervous what the hell

What if it doesnt work out

What if they see right through it

Wonbin-hyung too

seunghan 🐾

oh

do you want me to go to the dinner? 

sohee (•ө•)♡

Well yeah i guess so

If you wanna

They’re just gonna keep pestering me every week we meetup anyway

So like bandaid style, better get it over with

seunghan 🐾

because u want to make your wonbin-hyung jealous? 

sohee (•ө•)♡

??? 

I guess partly idk

Isnt that the whole purpose anyway idk

seunghan 🐾

ah got it

lol 

yeah okay see u later just text me the location

sohee (•ө•)♡

Are u mad at me?????? 

U dont have to go if u dont want to

Im not forcing you

?????

[delivered]

𓅸

Seunghan has always been good with people, that much Sohee knows. 

Between them, people have always liked Seunghan more, and honestly, Sohee has never been mad about it, either, rather he gets it. Seunghan just has that natural charm towards him, he has a nice smile, he dresses well, he listens attentively when people talk to him, he’s funny, and he’s just all around a nice, lovely guy to be around with. Sohee never doubted that Seunghan would get along with his uni friends, but it’s amazing to see just how charmed his club members are already by Seunghan.

Seunghan did come, which by itself was also a surprise to Sohee. 

Sohee really doesn’t know why Seunghan has a little bit of a moodswing these days, which honestly, makes even Sohee a little upset, but in the end, Sohee just ended up sending the location to where the music club is going for their first night out crawl, informing Seunghan that he’s not really forced to come, and that Sohee could just make up some random excuse, since Friday nights would usually be Seunghan’s time to go out with his own friends, anyway. 

Seunghan didn’t reply, but Sohee did see him read the texts. 

So, really, Sohee shouldn’t be blamed for being surprised when Seunghan showed up, a grin on his face as he did, welcoming and charming in front of new people, and stupidly, Sohee’s just grinned back, not really expecting Seunghan to show up, so the look of him there felt good, not even realising just how much Sohee wanted him to actually come and meet his uni friends. Seunghan looks so lovely. He dresses so well, he captures people’s eyes, and he’s just so, well, attractive.

“You’re here,” Sohee had said in shock when Seunghan approached him, a grin on his face at the sight of Seunghan. 

“Well, you called,” Seunghan just shrugged, like he didn’t just give Sohee a mini silent treatment. Seunghan had then slid up next to Sohee, enveloping him into a hug, nuzzling his nose a little into Sohee’s hair, which they always do, anyway, but the members of the music club erupted in cheers, making Sohee suddenly shy at being perceived like this. 

Of course, it’s different when it was in a lovers context, but Sohee couldn't really explain that how they were was just the norm for them as friends. Even the way Seunghan absentmindedly gave the grilled meat to Sohee’s plate first got Yizhuo giving Sohee wide sparkly eyes, as if touched, and Sohee really, really didn't know how to break it to her that genuinely, that’s just them. This. 

The teasing eventually does die down now, conversations flowing nicely between everyone in the tables, and Seunghan has his hand on Sohee’s thigh, his presence there, warm, and maybe it’s the alcohol, but more than anything, Sohee is glad that Seunghan is here, genuinely, feels it in his chest how grateful he is. This is nice, this is really nice. Why didn’t they do this sooner? 

Seunghan is just talking about soccer with Chanyoung next to him, when Wonbin, sitting on Sohee’s other side, drapes himself all over Sohee, which is not really a rare case, but just by mannerisms alone, Sohee knows that Wonbin is already a little drunk. Seunghan glances at that, and Sohee can see from his eyes alone that he’s trying his hardest to not roll his eyes. 

“Sohee,” Wonbin whispers in Sohee’s ears, and Sohee hums, nodding in question. “Your boyfriend treats you very, very well, it makes me happy.” 

Sohee can only laugh. 

Well, it’s not like it’s a lie. 

Seunghan does treat him well, in a sense. 

Sohee thinks it’s the price of being friends for so long, knowing what each other likes, what each other don’t like. When Chanyoung offered Seunghan the kimchi, and Seunghan was too nice to say no, Sohee absentmindedly took it away from Seunghan, knowing Seunghan’s non-existent spice tolerance, and Sohee had to explain to Chanyoung when Chanyoung looked confused at his good deed being taken away from him. Seunghan picks the meat that he knows Sohee likes; just the right amount of char and doneness, which is why Sohee always gets the meat first, because Seunghan doesn’t really have any preference. It's a habit, Sohee would say, and treating each other well just comes as a consequence of that habit. It’s knowledge, that the other likes this, so you should have this. You don’t like this, so you shouldn’t have it. They just know each other so well. 

“I invited Sungchan-hyung,” Wonbin whispers as a secret, and Sohee nods, turning to look at Wonbin, too close, really, and Wonbin is pouting a little. “He said he’ll come after dance practice with Taro-hyung. But I don’t think he’s coming. I don’t think he likes me.” 

Sohee blinks. “Everyone likes you, hyung. I’m sure Sungchan-hyung does, too.” 

Sohee knows this is going against everything he and Seunghan are fake dating for, but seeing Wonbin sad is just so painful. Not even to be mean, but Wonbin looks pathetic like this, moping over a guy that Sohee seriously doubts don’t like him. Sohee doesn’t really know Sungchan that well, but Sohee does know that he’s quite close to Wonbin, how they go to the gym together, have meals together just the two of them, and honestly, now with the power of hindsight, Sohee doesn’t know how the hell he missed it that Wonbin likes Sungchan. 

It’s kinda obvious. Sohee doesn’t know much about Sungchan, but Sohee honestly doubts that Sungchan is going to turn Wonbin down. 

“I want Sungchan-hyung to treat me like your Seunghan does,” Wonbin mumbles against Sohee’s neck now, and at this point, it’s a bit ticklish, and Seunghan next to him, is looking at Sohee again, this time really looking slightly annoyed, giving Wonbin a look that Wonbin doesn’t even notice. Sohee feels like he’s getting pulled from both ends, not knowing exactly why. 

“Um,” Sohee just says, giggling a little, trying to discreetly pull away from Wonbin, trying hard to appease both Wonbin and Seunghan, and Wonbin, oblivious, just lays his head on Sohee’s lap now, and Sohee just sighs, giving Seunghan a look to reprimand him for his expression. Seunghan doesn’t not like people, he’s a people’s person through and through, so Sohee really doesn’t get why he just seems so annoyed at Wonbin at all times when he’s the one who wants Sohee to pursue Wonbin. 

“You sure he doesn’t like you?” Seunghan whispers, leaning in, rolling his eyes. “Do we need to be doing this when he’s already in your lap like this?” 

“He’s sad,” Sohee explains slowly, his voice low. “He invited his crush. He’s not here, yet.” 

Seunghan’s expression softens, clearing his throat a little. “Would you have been this sad if I didn’t show up?” 

Sohee was. Sohee isn’t now, but Sohee was. Really, if there’s also one thing about Seunghan is that he affects Sohee so much, that’s what Sohee is realising. If Seunghan didn’t show up, Sohee wouldn’t have minded, but Sohee can’t promise that he wouldn’t have been moping a little about it. 

“You left me on read,” Sohee points out, and Seunghan pouts at him, even when he’s the one in the wrong. “Seriously, your mood swings these days are so bad, y’know.” 

Seunghan looks a little embarrassed now, at getting called out like that. “Well, yeah, because.” 

Sohee crinkles his nose a little, taking a sip of his soju. Seunghan does that, too, now. Half-sentences, trailing off. “Whatever. Yeah, I’d be moping on the floor. Crying. Calling you, sobbing. Take responsibility, Hong Seunghan.” 

Seunghan laughs at that, swiping his finger against Sohee’s chin, habit, habit. “I’m here, Lee Sohee, no need to cry.” 

Sohee leans in, whispering it to Seunghan’s ear, a little drunk, a little too honest. “All it takes is fake dating for you to want to meet my uni friends?”

Sohee means it as a joke, because honestly, that’s been one thing that is a bit of a wonder to Sohee. How they seem to never breach the whole realm outside of highschool friends. Their Saturdays are specifically for them, and only them, no one else’s. Sohee doesn’t know the reasoning, but maybe, without realising, they had wanted to create a bubble with just the both of them. Maybe it’s because of their whole talk before they went off to uni, too, how no one can get in between them, but without realising, they had limited themselves. It was good, of course, comfortable, always, with Seunghan, but this is lovely. 

Seeing Seunghan interact with his friends, seeing how easy it is to like Seunghan. 

In his drunken haze, Sohee thinks everyone should have a Seunghan in their life. Just not Sohee’s Seunghan because Seunghan can’t leave Sohee. Not allowed.

“What?” Seunghan asks, sounding incredulous, but laughing as he does. “You’re the one who has never invited me!” 

Sohee pokes at Seunghan’s chest. “You, too! I only know what your friends look like through Instagram.” 

“And I didn’t even know before this how your friends looked because you never post,” Seunghan counters, and Sohee just pouts, making Seunghan giggle as he does, wrapping his arms around him, squishing him, shaking Wonbin in his lap a little. 

Wonbin is awake now, but looks a little sad, still, and honestly, Sohee feels bad. Sohee is just about to say something of comfort, when the door opens to Sungchan rushing to go inside, Shotaro hot on his heels, whining how hey, Sungchan, no need to run! He’s still there!

Sungchan scans the table, and somehow, without even him voicing it out, Sohee knows that Sungchan is looking for Wonbin, eyes rapidly looking at the rows and rows of table, trying to find Wonbin who is still in Sohee’s lap, still, still, looking sad. Sohee doesn’t know why, or maybe he does. Maybe he wants Wonbin to be happy, to feel it, too. Sohee knows he’s not helping his case. But still, Sohee cranes his neck a little for Sungchan to meet his eyes, pointing towards Wonbin in his lap, still looking sad, just closing his eyes, not noticing Sungchan is here. 

Sohee pokes at Wonbin’s cheeks a little, to get him to see Sungchan, and Wonbin whines, so Sohee whispers it, helping, yes, Sohee knows, but he just does it for reasons he may, or may not know. “He’s here.” 

Wonbin’s eyes brighten, shooting up from Sohee’s lap to look for Sungchan, smiling, already as he does, and Sungchan himself has a bit of a dopey smile on his face, apologising as he approaches that. 

Just from that, Sohee knows. 

Really, Sohee knows. Knows how it feels to be waiting for someone to show up, how the relief feels like in his chest. Knows how nice it feels, to have a particular someone be there.

Seunghan leans closer to him, resting his chin on Sohee’s shoulder, close, close.

“He showed up,” Seunghan comments, voice pretty, sounding happy, and honestly, Sohee thinks the sight is quite nice, too. Wonbin being happy. 

Sohee turns to look at Seunghan, and Seunghan is looking up at him, blinking slowly, waiting patiently for a reply. Sohee just smiles. “You showed up, too.” 

Seunghan just laughs, eyes twinkling a little as he does. “You asked me to.” 

Sohee doesn’t know what to do with the fact that he’s not even the slightest bit sad at the sight of Sungchan and Wonbin. How it makes sense, really, makes perfect sense, and it’s not something Sohee should question. 

More than anything, Sohee also doesn’t know what to do with the fact that out of everything, what mattered the most to Sohee tonight is the fact that Seunghan showed up. 

𓅸

“Your friends are nice,” Seunghan comments when they’re in Sohee’s dorm. 

Seunghan shouldn’t be here, honestly. The dorm has strict rules with outsiders staying inside after visiting hours, which Sohee thinks contributes to dormcest, but that’s another topic. Sohee’s dorm is the reason why their sleepovers always end up over at Seunghan’s place. Seunghan is technically not allowed, yes, but their group earlier had come back to the dorm drunk and boisterous enough that Seunghan just blended in well with the group of uni students, so they were able to snuck into Sohee’s room, giggling a little as they do, a little drunk, giggling as they take off their shoes, shushing each other. 

They had gone from dinner, to karaoke, to a bar, and now they’re finally here, back in Sohee’s dorm, close to 3am. Sohee is just so tired. He knows how sweaty and gross he is, but he literally couldn’t give a fuck, tired, drunk, exhausted because of so many things, so he just takes a hoodie and sweatpants, changing into them quickly in the bathroom after brushing his teeth, before he snuggles into his bed.

“I’m not going to sleep with you when you’re this gross, Lee Sohee,” Seunghan whines, and Sohee waves him off. 

“You’ll end up cuddling me, anyway,” Sohee replies, and to that, Seunghan says try me! despite knowing that Sohee is right, anyway, just to pick a fight before he goes off to the bathroom. 

Seunghan does end up showering, taking a lot longer than Sohee wants him to be, his eyes drooping as he waits for Seunghan. He could sleep, he could, he doesn’t have to wait for Seunghan, but he does, anyway, because it’s a thing, habit, habit, once again. Seunghan borrows Sohee’s hoodie, his personal favourite in Sohee’s hoodie collection, the royal blue one, which Sohee personally thinks suits him best, suits his features, suits his black hair. Seunghan switches off the lights, so they’re surrounded only by the small nightlight Sohee has plugged in, making the ambience homey. Seunghan is already climbing into his bed, making himself comfortable in the space Sohee specifically left for him, by Sohee’s side. Habit. 

Just by the way Seunghan has his arms splayed out, ready to envelop Sohee into his hold, Sohee knows that he’s going to end up cuddling Sohee, and just at the sight, it gets Sohee laughing, but accepting the hold all the same. Accepting the usual way Seunghan’s arms snake around Sohee’s waist, resting his head on Sohee’s shoulder, sulky a little as he does, knowing that he’s relenting. Sohee can smell Seunghan’s hair from here, and strangely, even though Seunghan used his soap, Sohee can still smell it, the underlying scent; Seunghan, and Seunghan’s alone. 

Maybe it’s the slight drunkenness. 

Maybe it’s the tiredness.

Maybe it’s everything that happened. 

Maybe it's a weakness. 

Sohee’s not too sure of things anymore, at this point, and honestly Sohee thinks it’s funny how epiphany can come so quickly, how things can be there all along without Sohee noticing, as if like a blind spot. 

“You smell good, Hani. I love your hair like this,” Sohee mumbles into Seunghan’s hair. It’s slightly wet, but not wet enough for it to be uncomfortable. 

“Hani?” Seunghan chuckles, looking up at Sohee, his eyes twinkling, his smile looking boyish as he smiles up at Sohee, happy at the nickname. He looks so soft like this. But Seunghan has always looked like that, boyish, beautiful, everyone likes him. Genuinely. He’s always been like this. “Wah, it’s been a while since you called me that.” 

“Right,” Sohee muses, feeling his heartbeat pick up. “Been a while. Before high school?” 

Seunghan hums in agreement. “I like it when you do. Just thought you’ve outgrown it.” 

“I don’t think I’ll ever outgrow you,” Sohee says honestly, too honest maybe, but in the darkness of the night, Sohee can say it. Genuinely, Sohee thinks he cannot live without Seunghan. That much, he knows. The light from the nightlight is just enough that Sohee can see Seunghan’s face, the slight scrunch of his nose at Sohee’s words. 

“Well, same,” Seunghan says lamely, pulling Sohee closer by the waist, but that’s all Seunghan needs to say, really. They’re so close. Have they always been this close? They have. They really always have. Their legs are tangled, not even on purpose, but rather, habit, habit, something they both just know how to do, how to slit themselves into each other just nice. They’ve always been like this. “You’re stuck with me, Lee Sohee.” 

“Oh no,” Sohee says weakly, and Seunghan just bites his collarbone, which got Sohee whining, despite, despite. They’ve always been like this. 

“I had fun meeting your uni friends,” Seunghan says, still with a soft grin on his face. “Thank you for inviting me. That was your friends from the music club, right? Will you guys perform? I miss you singing.” 

Sohee snorts. “Well, it’s a music club, sure, but we sometimes just fool around. We have events and gather a lot, but it’s not too serious. Everyone there is really talented, though.” 

“Aw,” Seunghan says. “I miss your singing. It’s been a while.” 

“Yeah, well,” Sohee hums. “I’m glad you were there, by the way. After leaving me on read and all.” To that, Seunghan tries to bite his collarbones again, but Sohee manages to shove his face away, which got Seunghan whining.

It’s silent for a while, and Sohee closes his eyes, and thinks about how it’s nice that there’s this person whom Sohee can be with all the time, and never get sick of, even in the silence, even when they’re both speaking, arguing. Sohee thinks: this person has been here all along, and yet, yet. Sohee is just thinking about nothing, yet everything, slightly drifting into his sleep when Seunghan asks him something, and Sohee cracks his eyes open.

“Do you want to meet my uni friends, Lee Sohee?” Seunghan asks, his voice sounds low into the room, tentative almost. Sohee can hear the hesitance there, in his tone. 

Sohee is silent for a while. Sohee thinks, meeting his uni friends today was a step up into this thing between him and Seunghan. Sohee thinks, there’s a reason, whether they realise it or not, that they have not met each other’s friends. If Sohee does meet Seunghan’s friends, then all of their lives will be intertwined, genuinely. Friends from all the way in elementary school to uni, even to their families. All of them, like strings, connect him to Seunghan. Sohee doesn’t know what it means that he doesn’t mind, and even loves it, that he shares every aspect of his life with Seunghan. 

“Yeah, ‘course, I do,” Sohee whispers, and Seunghan snuggles further into Sohee’s neck, happy with the answer. With all his spiel about Sohee being gross for not showering, he sure as hell is cuddling Sohee right now. But Sohee can’t even make fun of him. 

This is them. Always been them. 

“Good night, Lee Sohee,” Seunghan whispers into Sohee’s collarbones. “Can you sing me to sleep?” 

Sohee starts laughing at that, cackling and making fun of Seunghan. “What are you, a baby? Need lullaby to sleep?” 

“Yeah, your baby,” Seunghan just says, because he knows that he can’t win with actual arguments, so he chooses to make Sohee flustered now. 

Sohee does sing in the end, his voice melodic into the night, tapping the beat softly against Seunghan’s arm. It’s an R&B song they both love, a song they always play when in highschool. Seunghan hums in satisfaction at first, really, really, like a baby, Sohee’s baby, and maybe Sohee is the fool for caving, for singing into an empty room like this, but it’s Seunghan, and Sohee can’t exactly say no to him. 

Eventually when the song is over, Sohee feels Seunghan’s soft breathing as he drifts off to sleep. 

Sohee just stares at the ceiling, the song washing over him, thinking about today.

None of them mentioned that the reason why Seunghan even met Sohee’s friends in the first place was because of the whole fake boyfriend idea. They both didn’t mention it. Not even Wonbin’s name was uttered. Just them. 

Sohee closes his eyes. 

There is no oh moment. 

There’s just knowing. 

𓅸

Seunghan’s friends are cool as hell. They’re cool as hell, they call him Sohee Saturday, and Sohee thinks that they think that both Seunghan and Sohee are dating, even if they have no reason to think so. 

No Wonbin here, and yet, still, it follows them. 

They’re at a hotpot place, and Seunghan’s group of friends are surprisingly small, knowing how much of a social butterfly Seunghan is, but it’s just three people, the people that Seunghan wants him to meet. But then again, while Seunghan has a lot of friends, it doesn’t necessarily mean that Seunghan keeps them all at the same length, some are closer to him than others, some just there, and in Sohee’s case, Sohee would like to think that he’s the closest to Seunghan. 

“Oh my god, Sohee Saturday is real,” is the first thing one of the girls in the group says to him, as Sohee enters the hotpot place, making him giggle nervously, not really knowing what to say to that. “Oh my god, hello, you’re so cute. I know you only as the person on Seunghan’s Instagram, you’re actually real.”

“Hey, don’t say that, Seunghan will say that we’re stealing his Sohee Saturday again,” Jay says to Kazuha, putting in the mushroom, and really, Sohee feels like he’s missing so much context to the conversation at hand. 

Seunghan is already warning them, more times than not getting up from his place next to Sohee in the booth to pretend to hit them, and each time, Eunseok, another one of Seunghan’s friends, pretend to fight back, not scared of the threats, and it just makes the table erupt in laughter each time. Sohee can see the dynamics, can see how Seunghan fits with each one of them, why they’re even friends in the first place. Hotpot is nice, actually, even though summer is almost here, but the nights are still chilly, so Sohee doesn’t mind that they’re here, relishing in the hot soup, the meat that Seunghan dips for him. 

“Nah, Sohee, you don’t get it, we all really thought Seunghan was, like, a prude, because he would always refuse to go out on Saturdays,” Kazuha explains, when another Sohee Saturday is brought up, and just at that, Sohee feels embarrassed, like he’s holding Seunghan back almost. “But it’s apparently you, of course, we get it. Seunghan should’ve said from the very beginning that he has a boyfriend, would’ve saved a lot of painful confessions.” 

Eunseok snorts at that, and Sohee looks at Seunghan, as if saying ah, it’s still happening here, huh? And Seunghan just looks uncomfortable once again. It’s not like Sohee doubted that, anyway. It’s really normal that Seunghan would still get his confessions, and have people like him. Sohee is not foreign to the idea at all, but this time, with, well, whatever it is he feels, Sohee can feel it, a twinge in his chest, at the revelation, even though really, it shouldn’t be a surprise. 

“Our Seunghan has always been famous,” Sohee just laughs, rubbing Seunghan’s hair, and Seunghan just crinkles his nose in distaste at Sohee’s words. It’s not like Sohee’s wrong. 

“It’s okay, Sohee,” Eunseok says. “It’s not like he’d ever entertain them. Not when he has Sohee Saturday.” 

At that, the table erupts in laughter again, and Sohee has to chuckle with them. Is this something Sohee can read into? Sohee doesn’t know, but for now, Sohee takes it, takes it, and stores the information. Despite the good natured teasing, it’s fun, it really is, being with Seunghan’s friends. They indulge in Sohee’s interests, particularly when Seunghan mentions to them about singing. They include Sohee in conversations, in all the gossips, explaining the people in the story, Yunjin is this girl from Pscyh, Jeno is this senior from the dance club, even if Sohee doesn’t particularly need to know all the details. 

But they’re nice people, genuinely, and Sohee thinks it’s one of those hangouts where right after, you feel a sense of contentment, at being surrounded in a room full of good people, not one of those instances with strangers where Sohee feels like bolting out. Sohee thinks it’s a lot to do with Seunghan being there, too, always making sure that Sohee knows what’s going on, that Sohee gets to share his anecdotes, his childhood tales with Seunghan, making sure that Sohee is eating. It’s nice, Sohee thinks, how nicely this all flows between them all, how Sohee can be included even in a new aspect of Seunghan’s life, how, still, there’s something new to learn about when it comes to Seunghan. 

The dinner ends, and Kazuha is so enamoured by him that she keeps hugging him, demanding Seunghan why he’s been keeping Sohee away from her all this while that Seunghan just rolls his eyes. Eunseok and Jay are also nice to him, genuinely, ruffling his hair, as a goodbye, and Sohee doesn’t mind, likes it, feels a lot like his sisters, getting doted on, and Seunghan must’ve known, because he gets a bit of a soft look on his face when he sees the sight of Sohee with his friends. 

They stay over at Seunghan’s apartment for the night, the place they usually would end up with every Saturday, but it’s Friday night now, sure, going into Saturday’s midnight, but still, Friday, and Sohee wonders if this is a change between them, and if it is, Sohee really doesn’t mind, seeing more of Seunghan. 

Sohee showers first, taking his time, thinking, thinking, knowing, and when he’s done, Seunghan goes after. Sohee takes some basketball shorts and a random shirt from Seunghan’s wardrobe, and lies on the bed, as he waits for Seunghan, thinking, knowing. 

“Hey, Lee Sohee, don’t fall asleep first,” Seunghan says when he’s out of the bathroom, his towel hung low, another smaller towel drying his hair, and Sohee looks away, closing his eyes. “Wait for me.” 

Seunghan puts his clothes on eventually after drying his hair, and finally, they’re all tangled up again, Sohee easily accepting Seunghan in his hold, in Seunghan’s bed. It’s a thing, even in Seunghan’s queen-sized bed, for them to cuddle, always been. Despite everything, Sohee thinks about how this feels nice, still, how now, not only is he surrounded by Seunghan’s scent, but even his body is basked in it, how he loves it, the feel of Seunghan on him. 

They put on a random movie on Seunghan’s TV, Sohee’s head is resting on the headboard a little, while Seunghan’s head is on Sohee’s chest, focused on the movie. Sohee should mention it, something. 

“Your friends think we’re dating,” Sohee mumbles.

Seunghan just hums. “I didn’t tell them that. They drew their own inferences from the fact that I always talk about you.” 

“Oh, man, you’re obsessed with me, Hong Seunghan,” Sohee chuckles, and Seunghan just shrugs, not giving in to the teasing. 

“Maybe,” Seunghan says, and he looks up to Sohee. “Does that freak you out?” 

Sohee’s mouth feels a little dry, at the question. It’s supposed to be a joke. Really, this guy. How is Sohee not meant to take things seriously? How, when he’s like this? When he's always been like this. 

“Nah, be obsessed with me forever,” Sohee jokes, because that’s all he can do, really, joke about things, about this, when he’s still, still, not too sure.

Seunghan has always been particularly intense about Sohee, yes. And Sohee thinks, stupidly, part of their highschool pact is also that he’s always been scared that Seunghan would outgrow him, outgrow the obsession he has over Sohee. Sohee might have been joking, about the whole Seunghan leaving him behind, but it’s a fear all the same. Sohee is selfishly glad that even Seunghan’s uni friends are able to detect that, that the way they're acting can be read into more, because that’s evidence, honestly, to show that Sohee is not the one making shit up, not reading too much into things. 

“That’s like a vow, Lee Sohee,” Seunghan chuckles, and Sohee just closes his eyes. 

“You don’t mind that your friends think that way?” Sohee asks. “Could’ve corrected them. What if your first year heartthrob position gets ruined when people find out you have a boyfriend?” 

“Let them be,” Seunghan says, as simple as that, and even that, Sohee takes, takes. “What about you?” Sohee crack his eyes open. “Your friends think you’re dating me.” 

Does Seunghan forget that their circumstances are completely different? Is he saying what Sohee thinks he’s saying with this? Genuinely, Sohee feels crazy, thinking too much over things, knowing, yet, actually, not knowing. Sohee doesn’t know.

But still, Sohee plays the safe route. 

“Well, to get Wonbin-hyung jealous, right?” 

Not the point, not anymore, at least. 

Sohee can’t see Seunghan’s face, but Seunghan just pulls him closer by the waist, sighing as he does. 

“Let’s sleep.” 

Seunghan does. 

𓅸

“Your boyfriend is here again tonight,” Chanyoung mumbles to Sohee in the club they’re in, sipping on his drink, giving a look over at Sohee, and immediately, Sohee feels uncomfortable. 

The only one who knows about this whole fake dating thing other than Seunghan and Sohee is Chanyoung. Every time Seunghan does something remotely suspicious, yet normal for Sohee, Chanyoung would give him that particular look as he meets his eye, eyes looking up in a half eye-roll, and and a slight purse of his lips. 

“Shut up,” Sohee says through a smile, waving over at Seunghan. Seunghan is over at the dance floor, moving well in the crowd, his hips moving sinfully, but once in a while, he would meet Sohee’s eyes, begging for him to join, mouthing the invitation, eyes twinkling, lips in a pout, pretty. But so far, Sohee has been saying no, preferring to stay in the booth they’ve reserved for their group for the night. Seunghan looks fucking good, honestly, it’s almost sinful. He’s wearing a top that hugs his body and these baggy jeans, blending well with the people around him, their age, fitting their energy. Seunghan has always been attractive. It’s one of those has beens too, and yet, yet, Sohee finds himself having to look away as Seunghan moves his hips. 

“Seriously, though, Wonbin-hyung is not here, and yet he’s here?” Chanyoung asks, and Sohee shuts his eyes, knowing, knowing. “Surely, you get it now, hyung.” 

Sohee gets it, but Chanyoung doesn’t. 

Chanyoung doesn’t get that yes, Sohee is aware of how it looks like, Seunghan showing up when there’s technically no reason to do so. Chanyoung doesn’t get that unlike with Wonbin, there’s so much more at stake, so much more pain, if all else fails, because genuinely if Sohee gets it wrong, and Sohee most probably got it wrong, Seunghan might leave. And Sohee can’t bear that. It’s been about three weeks, or so, maybe, ever since they started their fake dating shenanigans, if you can even call it one, with the way they just act like they normally do. 

Making Wonbin jealous, my ass, really, this whole thing just seems like an excuse for them to hangout even more, because they even meet on Friday nights now, and still, their Saturdays. Sohee knows. What it looks like. But Sohee can’t, at least not right now. This whole Wonbin thing can be a guise, Sohee doesn’t care. Sohee will remain as oblivious as he can be, because genuinely, the risk is too much. 

“Lee Chanyoung,” Sohee shouts over the music, pulling Chanyoung up, and Chanyoung is just about to protest for getting dragged towards the dance floor when Sohee firmly holds his hands. “I get it. So you can’t say shit about it, alright. But I can’t, you get it? I can’t.” 

Chanyoung looks at Sohee for a moment, before sighing, relenting, letting himself get dragged to the dance floor. Sohee approaches Seunghan, surrounded by people, lovely, his Seunghan, magnet almost, to the people around him, yet when he sees Sohee, his eyes light up, laughing when he sees Sohee finally caving after rejecting him several times. 

Seunghan snakes his arms around Sohee’s waist, whispering in his ears. Sohee can smell him so nicely here, in this nook of his neck. Sohee could just bend down quick and press his lips against Seunghan’s collarbones. He could, and no one would bat an eye. But it’s Seunghan, and while they’ve always been touchy, they don’t just kiss each other’s bodies, so Sohee stops his thoughts, feels it getting too much. 

It’s a bit of a slow dance posture they’re doing, even though the music the DJ is playing is hip as hell, which is a bit funny, but Sohee takes it, the feel of Seunghan’s hand on his waist, the whisper of his voice against Sohee’s ear. 

“Look who caved,” Seunghan teases in his ears, before pulling away, his eyes twinkling a little. 

“Can’t have you dancing with everyone, but me,” Sohee shrugs. “Look at you, Mr Popular.” 

Seunghan hums, still, swaying them, making them look so stupid probably, in this floor full of people jamming to the music like they’re supposed to be, but it’s nice like this, in Seunghan’s hold, with his arms resting on Seunghan's shoulders. “Doesn’t matter, the person I want is here.” 

Sohee's mouth goes dry, studying Seunghan. The look of him, smirking, happy finally getting Sohee on the dance floor. “Wonbin-hyung isn’t here,” Sohee points out, just because, just to see. The person you want to see this? The person you want? Which is it?

Something passes in Seunghan's eyes, and he looks around for a moment. “Ah, yeah, sorry for you.” But Seunghan continues to just have him in his hold, and Sohee feels like he has a million answers and questions at the same time. 

Sohee meets Chanyoung’s eyes, who is just bumping his head a little to the music, and when Chanyoung sees their position, he rolls his eyes, smirking as he does, and Sohee just flips him off. 

Yeah, Sohee doesn’t know what to do. 

𓅸

“And he asked me out,” Wonbin whispers, as Sohee jots down something on his book, annotating it like Wonbin’s old copy, copying some things and symbolisms that he missed out on that he could use for his exams. 

Sohee gives an impressed look to Wonbin. “Sungchan-hyung? Like, actually asked you out?” 

“Why do you sound doubtful?” Wonbin whines, kicking Sohee’s feet underneath the table, and Sohee grunts a little. 

“I’m not, though!” Sohee whispers, shushing Wonbin for being too loud. They’re both at the library, a late night session they’re pulling right now together, as they usually do. Finals are approaching, and Sohee has been constantly going to the library with Wonbin all semester, and at nights, it would usually be quiet, with few people in there. But with the finals steadfastly approaching, it’s a lot more crowded, but still, he’s here with Wonbin. 

Sohee is just about to prove his case even more, when his phone pings with a text, and before Sohee can even school his expression, he’s already smiling just at seeing the recipient. Sohee’s smile grows even more seeing the picture attached. It’s of Seunghan laying his face down on the table, pouting to the camera, looking tired. Sohee always gets these random pictures, sends one of his own often, too. Has beens, and yet. Sohee sighs, studying the picture, the pile of papers on the table, Seunghan's chunky laptop there; Sohee knows that Seunghan went to the library, too, with his own friends. 

seunghan 🐾

[seunghan_pouting.jpeg]

sleepy 

should i give up 

sohee (•ө•)♡

Aw lol same

Nah u gotta suffer as well im still stuck in the library w wonbin-hyung

Yeah give up and buy me food

seunghan 🐾

you didn’t say you were with him

hows it going haha is he in love with you yet

you haven’t eaten??? 

Sohee blinks at the random onslaught of texts, it seems. Right, their whole fake dating ordeal. Sohee’s crush on Wonbin thing. Right. Sohee chooses to reply to the one text he actually knows how to reply to. 

sohee (•ө•)♡

I had snacks

seunghan 🐾

thats not a meal lee sohee >:(

sohee (•ө•)♡

Dont boss me around!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I have two older sisters already

seunghan 🐾

🙄

do u want me to buy you food? 

sohee (•ө•)♡

What lol i was joking hahaha

Dont give up plz u need to be a compsci grad n be a rich tech bro

seunghan 🐾

hahaha need to be rich to buy you food in the future

im the provider for us 🫄🤣

Sohee gnaws on his bottom lip, not being able to quite read this. What does that mean? Why does Seunghan’s future have anything to do with Sohee? What’s happening to them? Is Sohee the only one feeling this shift?

Genuinely, it’s hard. Sohee is not dumb. He knows how Seunghan treats him nicely, but he’s nice to everyone. Sohee knows that Seunghan gets irrationally angry and jealous over stupid things to do with Sohee, yet he’s helping Sohee date Wonbin, which honestly, at this point, Sohee just--doesn’t know. Wonbin is obviously not jealous over Seunghan, yet, still, Seunghan continues hanging out with his friends. It’s been about a month since Seunghan first met his friends, and he’s been joining them for their outings the following weeks, sometimes Sohee would rotate and join Seunghan’s friends instead, but still, nothing is truly happening, with Wonbin, with Seunghan. 

Sometimes, it feels like Seunghan is just there to be there, and Sohee doesn’t mind, loves it, even, but Sohee just doesn’t get it. What they’re even doing, what the purpose is, all of this. 

They text everyday, they meet on Fridays now, and their Saturdays are for them, still, sometimes extending to Sundays, and Seunghan says stupid things that make Sohee question things, do things, and yet, yet, the thing is that it’s always been like this. Things are just a bit strange in a way that they’re fake dating, but even then, it’s not like they’re taking it seriously, either. Things are the same, and yet, things are also different, and it makes Sohee gets too in his head that Sohee just wonders. 

Of the possibilities. 

Sohee doesn’t know why it is that when his brain decides that he might be over this crush on Wonbin, it materialises again with Seunghan, out of people. Someone he knows he wants to keep for his whole life, so really, if it fails, whatever it is, then Sohee is doomed, because genuinely, he can’t let his emotions take control, too risky, when it’s always been like this. 

seunghan 🐾

giving up

coming over w food 

sohee (•ө•)♡

U just wanna see me be honest

seunghan 🐾

i always wanna see you :) 

otw!!!!

sleepover pls hahaha im so lazy to go back

Sohee stifles a sigh, putting his phone away. It’s almost like a mantra to him at this point. Seunghan has always been like this. Has always been loud with his affections for Sohee, the emotions he feels. That’s why it’s so obvious when Seunghan is annoyed, angry, or even happy, it shows on his face, in his demeanour. Sohee has always been good at reading Seunghan, but right now, it feels like he’s reading too much into Seunghan, analysing him, making more out of something than it actually is. Sohee wishes he could have clarity without everything else burning to the ground. At least with Wonbin, things didn’t have to be ruined, because it’s obvious that Wonbin is too into Sungchan, and sees Sohee so much as a younger brother that it’s been a moot point since the very beginning to hope for things anyway. 

A moot point for them to still fake date, yet here they are, still. 

“Did Seunghan text you?” Wonbin asks, typing away on his laptop, a teasing smile already on his face. 

Sohee coughs, feeling a little shy. “Yeah, he’s coming over.” 

Wonbin whines, stretching a little on his chair. “How fun, having a boyfriend who would just come over. With how clingy he is with you, it’s a wonder how he’s survived by seeing you only on Saturdays.” 

See, this is another thing. Sohee doesn’t know how to read things, genuinely. Has Seunghan been seeing him a lot more because of the whole fake dating thing? Or is it more than that? Sohee is tired of having to decode things, and sometimes he wonders if he’s going a little insane doing that. 

“You act like I’m depriving him,” Sohee just says awkwardly. 

“I didn’t say that,” Wonbin laughs, eyes twinkling a little. “It’s just, y’know. If I like someone I wanna be with them all the time. It’s nice to see. That your Seunghan also feels that way about you. I think it’s nice.” 

Sohee just shrugs to that, not really knowing what to say. That he doesn't know if things are as it seems, or if it’s always been like this. Sohee doesn’t know what to say to the fact that this whole fake dating thing is not even something they’re taking seriously, it’s genuinely just how they act around each other, and yet other people are sold. Sohee also doesn’t mention that it goes both ways; if it looks like Seunghan wants to be around Sohee all the time, then Sohee feels the same. Maybe Seunghan did have a point, whining about not being in the same uni back then. They could’ve seen each other so much more if they went to the same uni. 

“And, okay, can I tell you a secret?” Wonbin suddenly whispers, and Sohee blinks at him. The last time Wonbin told him a secret, it snowballed into this mess that Sohee is currently in, with the emotions, realisations. Before Sohee can say anything, Wonbin continues on. “But you can’t make fun of me. Or think that I’m, like, arrogant, or something.” 

Sohee just laughs at that, nodding.

“Y’know, before I discovered that you have a boyfriend, I thought you might have liked me, Lee Sohee!” Wonbin laughs out, and he words it like a joke, not knowing the truth it bears. 

Sure, Sohee thinks he might not have a crush on Wonbin anymore, but still, it hits too close to home, so Sohee just awkwardly giggles. “Juniors always end up liking me when I get too close. I think people admire me, which I don’t really get, but they get disappointed when I show how messed up I am. I’m glad that you see the human side of me, and still wanna be around me. I’m glad you didn’t put me on a pedestal. I’m glad it’s not like that with you. You’re genuinely my favourite, y’know. A friend.” 

The thing is, these words would leave Sohee all heartbroken even just a month ago. Right now, it feels like relief. Like salve, almost, reassurance that he did not have to ruin this friendship with Wonbin. 

The thing is, Sohee thinks he did admire Wonbin, thinks of him as some kind of all-around human being whom everyone likes, maybe Sohee is just better at hiding it, because genuinely, Wonbin is still that person to Sohee despite not having any romantic attachments towards it, anymore. But still, Sohee gets it. Wonbin is a human, of course he is. Sohee has seen him gushing about his crush on Sungchan, has seen him being all pathetic when things don’t turn out the way he expects them to. Sohee thinks, if it wasn’t for the whole realisation with Seunghan, then he would’ve still put Wonbin on that pedestal. 

At this point, Sohee kind of selfishly wishes he would’ve still liked Wonbin, because it’s easier to hear when it’s someone you’ve only known for four months, rather than someone you’ve known basically your whole life. 

“Well, hyung, you’re cute and all, but I’ve seen you at your worst, so nevermind,” Sohee just jokes, not wanting to get into the whole thing when he doesn’t need to, and Wonbin throws a pencil at him which Sohee doges easily, laughing, and Sohee is glad that this can just pass like this, at least, this one-sided thing with Wonbin. 

They get back to studying, this routine easy for them when they’ve been doing it together consistently for months, unlike others who are cramping and stressing in the library right now. Sohee is just focused on a particular assignment he needs to submit for next week, when an arm is wrapped around him, a nose nuzzling into his hair, hugging him tight as he does. Sohee can smell it already, the scent. Seunghan, and Seunghan’s alone. 

“Hey,” Seunghan whispers, and a smile is already blooming on Sohee’s face, just at the sight of him. Seunghan looks so good, genuinely. Seunghan is a boy, of course he is, but there’s just something so particularly boyish about him. He’s wearing just a t-shirt, but it’s those cool ones that hang over his frame nicely, accentuating his body. He has his hair soft again, ungelled, like how Sohee likes it. Sohee feels it in his chest, how still, even after all these years of seeing Seunghan, it feels like coming home. It’s always been like this. What does that make Sohee? Realising it only after years, it seems. “Bought you food. Wonbin-hyung, too.” 

“Bless you, Seunghan,” Wonbin groans, taking the paper bag from Seunghan, taking the kimbap Seunghan got for them. Throughout all their hangouts every week, these two have become somewhat acquainted, too. Seunghan at least not giving his stink eye when he thinks Wonbin is being particularly clingy, and there it is again, something that Sohee doesn’t know if he should read into more. 

“How did you even get in?” Sohee asks incredulously. They’re in the library, and you require a student ID to get in. 

“Got in because a girl saw me struggling. Just pretended that I was just a student here,” Seunghan admits sheepishly, and even though Seunghan is telling the story like that, Sohee knows that the girl who helped Seunghan was probably, maybe into him. 

There, some things have changed; it’s that Sohee gets stupidly jealous over stuff like this now. Despite how petty it is, despite how stupid. Seunghan getting confessed to, Seunghan having girlfriends, people being so obviously flirtatious to Seunghan; those things used to not bug him, thinking that it’s the nature of things when it comes to Seunghan, that it makes sense, and yet, these days, Sohee feels it, how it affects him so much.

Sohee feels it, the jealousy, consuming him whenever he witnesses it now, but Sohee hides it, because genuinely, he can’t let it slip. Not when there are so many doubts. Too many. Sohee just hums at the reply. 

“I bought Sohee more,” Seunghan whines, taking the paper bag away from Wonbin, and Wonbin just sticks his tongue out at Seunghan. Seunghan unwraps the foil around the kimbap, jokingly blowing on it as if it’s hot, making Sohee roll his eyes at the stupid joke, but laughing nonetheless at the funny gag, before handing it over to Sohee. 

“Good job,” Seunghan coos, patting Sohee’s hair, and Sohee nods, jotting something down on his book as he eats. 

“Go do your work,” Sohee points out, his mouth a bit full, and Seunghan pouts at him, resting on his chair, stretching as he does, yawning. Seunghan swipes his thumb against the corner of Sohee’s lips, rice probably, and this is once again something that has always been like this, too. But even then, it’s new, in how Sohee feels so much more, thinks so much more about these things. 

“I’m done with it.” Seunghan waves him off, resting his hand on Sohee’s thigh, his own knee bumping against Sohee’s. A touch, just a bit, always been like that. 

“You said you gave up,” Sohee says in disbelief, giving Seunghan a look of distrust. 

Seunghan gives him a grin, and stupidly, Sohee’s heart skips a beat, just at how boyish he looks, how Seunghan is here, really, he’s here, and Sohee feels all these things about him. Old and new, combined, creating this massive explosion in his heart. 

“I lied. I just wanted to see you.” 

Sohee doesn’t know how to read that.

Really. Genuinely. 

Wonbin just groans, throwing his wrapper over at Seunghan, and at that, Seunghan winks at Sohee. 

Right. Sure. 

𓅸

“So you would always go home with him in the dark like this?” Seunghan asks, as they make their way over to Sohee’s dorm after dropping off Wonbin over at his place. 

It’s not too dark, of course, Seunghan is exaggerating, they’re at the uni neighbourhood, still, so the streets are lit nicely, with students walking around here and there, but it’s quiet, and the air is a little cold, the summer nights arriving faster than intended. 

“Yeah, dad, we do, we fuck around near the bushes, too,” Sohee replies, rolling his eyes as he does, at Seunghan’s words. 

“What?” Seunghan asks in alarm, and Sohee shoves him away, laughing as he does, which makes Seunghan whine, taking Sohee’s hand in his, and see, Wonbin is not even here, and yet, this is just them. Just them. 

While Sohee loves that Seunghan cares about him, sometimes it does get overbearing at times when he worries too much. Sohee thinks it’s the way Seunghan looks up to his older brother, honestly, why he’s like this. They’re both the youngest in their families, but Seunghan’s brother looks after Seunghan so much that Seunghan just grows to want to be the person people can depend on like how Seunghan depends on his older brother. Sohee has two older sisters, and Sohee gets coddled a lot by them, so Sohee never really minds when people do it to him, knowing how susceptible he is somehow to people just taking care of him. Seunghan and Wonbin included, actually, and even Chanyoung at some point. 

Maybe it makes Sohee seem helpless, but Sohee doesn’t mind it. It’s nice to be taken care of, but at times like these, when Seunghan gets too much into his dad mode, it does get a bit overbearing. 

“Really, though, how’s it going with Wonbin-hyung?” Seunghan asks, and this is it, where things get a bit confusing once again for Sohee. What’s there to be “going on” with Wonbin, anyway? They’re friends, Seunghan himself is friends with him now, for fuck’s sake, and Sohee doesn’t like Wonbin like that anymore. They’re not even doing anything in particular to make Wonbin jealous anyway, and it’s not like Wonbin would be jealous if they are. 

There’s nothing going on. Nothing’s changing. And Sohee hates how he wants something to change, just not in the way that Seunghan is expecting it to. 

“Well, it’s going, we’re friends,” Sohee shrugs, kicking a pebble, not knowing what else to say. Sohee glances at Seunghan walking next to him. They’re walking way too slowly, but Sohee thinks it’s nice, late night walks like these. Wonbin’s place is the first pitstop, so Sohee always ends up walking back alone. Sohee never realises just how nice it is to have company. “I don’t think it’s working, honestly, the whole fake dating thing. Wonbin-hyung is into Sungchan-hyung too much.” 

Seunghan is silent for a while, before he chuckles lowly. “I think it could still work. Am I not being a good boyfriend?” Seunghan asks jokingly, and Sohee wants to scream a little. 

It’s not working because Sohee is not even into Wonbin anymore, and yet Seunghan is still being the good boyfriend that he is, that’s the thing. But then, the way he’s acting has always been the way they act around each other. And what does that mean, really? That they’ve always been like this, like a couple, that it’s almost seamless to pretend like they’re dating? Exactly. It kinda doesn’t mean shit. Because they’ve always been like this, and Sohee is the only one with convoluted emotions, taking things more than it seems, when Seunghan has just, well, always been like that. Sohee’s tired, really. Doesn’t know what to do. It’s only been a month or so. 

“The best,” Sohee just says back, chuckling, kicking at Seunghan’s shoes a little, and Seunghan squeezes his hand, still, in  his hold. “Do you regret it? Not going to the same uni? Could’ve been us every freaking day like this, Hani. You’re gonna get sick of me.” 

Seunghan laughs at that. “I don’t think that’s possible. Me getting sick of you part.” Seunghan hums a little in contemplation. “Well, I do want to be around you all the time. But--” Seunghan hesitates a little. “I think we would’ve been stagnant.” 

“Stagnant?” Sohee asks. 

Seunghan nods. “Yeah. Stagnant. The same. Nothing will change if we had not been apart first.” Sohee’s heart skips a little. At what it could mean, and if he’s just been reading too much into things now, this included, everything beforehand, too. Seunghan smiles at Sohee. “This is nice. What’s happening right now.” 

Sohee blinks at Seunghan, and Seunghan is just staring down at his feet.

Sohee can only hum. 

𓅸

Finals came and went, and they’re here now, at the end of semester festival at Sohee’s uni. 

It’s loud, the energy, and Sohee has gotten roped into singing with a bunch of other seniors, Wonbin included, and it’s a bit of a shitshow, being told last minute that the music club actually has to participate this year for the end of semester festival to represent the school or some shit, because some idol group they invited pulled out last minute.

It was just added stress after exams that were supposed to be stress-free, especially when the club has kinda been fooling around a little this semester, but after cramped practices, they eventually do make it work. It’s basically a bunch of performances from the music club, even Chanyoung with his cello solo, accompanied by Chenle, Wonbin with his guitar. Sohee is supposed to go last, with Yizhuo, and Yizhuo has always been confident, an amazing singer, genuinely so she just seems chill as they wait for their turn, while Sohee keeps trying to hype himself up.

Sohee used to sing for fun, back in highschool, just something that came naturally to him, so it was something he took up as a hobby. He took a break for a while, during third year, when sooneung was going on, and his priority was getting into uni, but he joined the music club hoping to pick singing back up, just as a hobby, still, not wanting to take it seriously, but he somehow ended up here. Sohee has performed, of course, in front of people, but performing in front of a whole uni concert crowd was something that Sohee never thought would ever happen to him, and Sohee hates to say it, but he is a bit nervous.

“Sohee,” Yizhuo whines, when she sees Sohee pacing backstage, enveloping him in a hug to stop his pacing. “Stop, you’re making me nervous now, and I don’t even get nervous.”

Sohee just closes his eyes. Their turns are coming really, really soon. Sohee closes his eyes, and tries to imagine what would calm him down. Sohee thinks of his parents, how they’re actually here in the crowd, when Sohee told them about him performing, thinks about them being proud that he’s up there, singing, something his parents have always raised him on; music and performing, which was why Sohee even got into it in the first place. Okay, that’s one thing to be calm about, to know that at least, there’s them in the crowd. Sohee imagines his sisters, the ones who actually pursued singing first, but giving up halfway through after highschool, unlike what Sohee is doing right now. They’re not here in the crowd, busy working women, but they sent Sohee texts in their siblings groupchat, and promised to give him money if he did well, and Sohee knows that even if he doesn’t do well, he’s going to get that money, too, so okay, there’s that. 

It’s still not enough, though. 

Sohee thinks of Seunghan, and suddenly he feels calmer, as stupid as that sounds. Sohee thinks of Seunghan, how he said that he’s going to be in the crowd, watching Sohee perform again, Sohee’s comeback, he said, the idiot, when this is the first time these people are going to hear him sing. But it’s true, Sohee guesses, in the sense that it is Sohee’s comeback with singing, but that’s just because Seunghan has always heard him sing, been here since the very beginning, has beens has beens. Sohee hopes he’s in the crowd, Sohee knows he might not even be able to find him, but still thinks about it, even as he steps on the stage with Yizhuo.

They have three songs to sing together, both of them, a ballad, and two pop songs, and each time, the crowd gets wilder, and the pessimistic side of Sohee just thinks that it’s because these people are drunk, maybe, too hyped, but the optimistic side tells him to enjoy this moment, enjoy the attention, because genuinely, it’s a high, the feeling of performing, hearing the praises, and screams, Sohee forgets just how much he loves performing. 

Sohee is so high in energy when he gets off the stage that when he sees Seunghan backstage, with a wide grin, so boyish, with a bouquet of flower in his hands, Sohee just runs towards, him, jumping up at him, hooking his knees around Seunghan’s waist, which Seunghan grunts at as he accepts Sohee in his hold. Sohee, in the heat of the moment, in the heat of the summer, kisses Seunghan’s cheek, something they don’t do, so this is something new, really, not an always been like this moment. They touch, they touch, but they’ve never kissed. Never needed to. Sohee wonders if he’s toeing too much outside the supposed line, but at the moment, he doesn’t care. 

Seunghan is quiet for a moment, before whispering.

“Hey, good job, Lee Sohee, missed your singing,” Seunghan whispers. The bouquet between them is a bit squished, from Sohee’s tight hold, and Sohee finally feels a little embarrassed, unhooking his legs, which Seunghan laughs at, settling him down gently. “Aw, that’s quick. You’re rarely that affectionate with me.” Sohee just shoves Seunghan away, and Seunghan rolls his eyes a little, but gives the bouquet, which Sohee takes, smiling shyly at Seunghan, and Seunghan just swipes his finger against Sohee’s chin, smirking a little. Seunghan then points his head towards the right, and much to Sohee’s embarrassment, it’s his parents, who probably saw the whole thing. 

Right. 

“Hey,” Sohee laughs, hugging them, trying to distract them from whatever the hell they just witnessed. Yizhuo passes by them, giving him a funny teasing look, and Sohee just winces, knowing then that he definitely made quite a spectacle of himself. 

To his parents’ credit, they don’t talk about it. 

Seunghan hangs out with his family the whole time his parents are there, going to one of those makeshift restaurant tents that students have set up for their own club. It’s always a bit strange now, being able to drink with his family, when he’s always been the baby of the family, but Sohee enjoys it, and enjoys it even more when his dad is the one grilling, and paying. They meet Sohee’s friends, treat them to a round of drinks, and they go around the booths, playing silly games, winning useless prizes like the uni’s pen, and yet, it’s fun, having his parents go around his uni like this, having Seunghan by his side, Seunghan’s bouquet, still, in his arms. 

Seunghan gets along well with his parents, of course. Seunghan is someone they’ve seen grow along with Sohee, Sohee’s first friend, so they always treat him like a son, and the thing with Seunghan is that he’s also good with elders, respectful, yet fun to be around, genuinely. It’s normal, that’s the thing, once again, always been like this, but Sohee feels it in his chest, how nice it is, that his parents get along so well with Seunghan, stupidly thinks that there’s no need for approval, if, if. 

His parents leave just before nine pm, and Sohee really thought that he would be able to get away with it, when his father mentions it, as he pulls him into a hug. 

“You and Seunghani,” his dad begins, giving them both a stern look. “Well, no more rooming together during vacation, then.” Sohee splutters, and even Seunghan looks flustered, the one more put together between them, usually. “Well, okay, as long as you’re sa--” 

“Right,” Sohee’s mother says, cutting his father off. “They know more than us. Goodbye Sohee, Seunghani. See you guys back home next week, okay?” 

The semester’s over, so both of them are planning to go back home together next week. His parents leave, and yet, Sohee can feel it, the way the embarrassment settles. 

“Well, there’s that,” Sohee says awkwardly, hugging the bouquet closer, as he turns to look at Seunghan. “So now, we’re also dating in my parents’ eyes.” It’s a jab, really, over what’s happening between them, surely, surely, they both know at this point. 

Seunghan looks a little awkward, tired, but they go to the less crowded side of the festival, just sitting down at a patch of grass that other people are also sitting on, most of them looking like they’re on a date, and honestly, Sohee knows, but still, feels a bit self-conscious, doing this with Seunghan, when they’re still like this around each other. 

“You did well, seriously, I’m so proud of you,” Seunghan begins, referring to the performance from earlier, as he twists the grass on the ground. 

Sohee stares at the bouquet still in his hold, back to Seunghan, how really, surely, this means something, and Sohee is not the one pulling the strings trying to justify things. The kiss, how Seunghan didn’t even say anything about that, looked happy, in fact that Sohee initiated it, not knowing, or maybe even knowing that Sohee wants to do so much more with him, with them. Surely.

But is it really? Why is Seunghan not moving forward with this if he knows?

“Thank you for being here,” Sohee mumbles. “I was really nervous. It’s been a while. It helped that you were there.” 

“Ah, shit, me? Not even your parents?” Seunghan asks, laughing, his eyes crinkling a little at Sohee’s words. “Don’t let your parents hear, they’ll be even mad at me. They think I’m tainting their youngest baby already.” 

Yeah. Okay. Surely. 

“Would you like to be?” Sohee asks, knowing that the words at the surface of it all, sounds like a joke, but it’s not, it really isn’t. It’s not even about innuendos. It’s about this, whatever the hell push and pull game they’re playing. It’s about them. 

Seunghan gets up, looking at Sohee seriously. “Don’t play around, Sohee, seriously. Don’t be cruel to me.” Seunghan wipes the grass from his pants, sighing as he does, then reaching out to take Sohee’s hand. Sohee takes it.

Surely, surely. 

𓅸

They go home for the summer, and it’s like how it’s always been between them.

Staying over at each other’s houses, sleeping together, like always, playing their video games, making up for lost time they didn’t game together over the school period. They eat homecooked meals everyday now, rotating between Seunghan’s house, and his house everyday which their parents are exasperated about, not knowing which one to expect today, but always, always preparing food for them, just in case. They meet their friends in their hometown over the summer, but always, eventually, it’s usually just the two of them. Every weekend, they go to the beach about an hour by bus from their hometown, and just spend the day there, and genuinely it feels like the first free summer they’ve had ever since sooneung, and it feels nice. 

To be like this, free, and somehow this summer feels like something has shifted, despite how things have also stayed the same.

They touch even more now, if that’s even possible. Seunghan has always been the one to initiate it, but Sohee does it now, too, touching Seunghan’s ear, the particularly ticklish part, touch lingering just for a little while for Seunghan to draw a quick breath. Sohee touches his nape as he passes, wakes Seunghan up with a quick kiss to the collarbones, which always gets Seunghan a little flustered, and he pretends to not be. They’re as they are, but really, they’ve changed, surely, surely. They try their hardest to not stare when the other walks around practically half-naked after showering, knowing that the other can stare, the other can just change clothes inside the bathroom, but just choosing to not to.

They know, surely, at least, Sohee does, but if Seunghan doesn’t, then Seunghan is just fucking him over for nothing. 

It’s been about two weeks since summer break started. Tension has been rising, despite how normal things have actually been in the grand scheme of things. The thing about tension is that it tends to snap, and when it comes to that, it’s obvious and quick, the way it does. 

They’re at the beach, on a hammock that is hung on an old tree, a tough and strong one, so Sohee knows that the tree can withstand them. They’re laying on opposite sides, the sun is setting, and Seunghan is shirtless, while Sohee has his button up unbuttoned, fleshes of skin between the two of them. The sun is setting, an orange and yellow colour, creating a golden hue, washing over Seunghan, as he hums softly a song under his breath, looking genuinely so beautiful, staring at the sea, eyes sharp, eyebrows firm, his skin just there, for Sohee to see, but not for Sohee to touch. Not yet. They should get back on the bus soon, Sohee knows, but then Sohee knows. That he can’t take it. 

Sohee is the one who starts it, his hand ghosting over Seunghan’s calves settled next to him, and Sohee can feel it, the way, immediately, Seunghan tenses up, at the feel of Sohee’s touch on his skin. Sohee sits down on the hammock, his hand travelling from Seunghan’s calves, all the way to his knees, then just a bit of Seunghan’s thigh. Seunghan doesn’t say anything, but feels it, and Sohee doesn’t even have to look to know that he’s slightly hard. 

“Lee Sohee,” Seunghan finally says, looking at him, his eyes looking sharp, and Sohee finally stops it, his hand hovering slightly just over Seunghan’s upper thigh. Sohee lets it rest there. 

“What are we doing, Seunghan?” Sohee finally asks, looking at Seunghan seriously. 

“What?” Seunghan asks, and really, surely, Seunghan knows. 

“We’re fake dating because of Wonbin-hyung. But--you know, surely you know this is not working,” Sohee just says honestly, because if all else fails, then at least they don’t have to pretend anymore, no need. “He’s, like, dating Sungchan-hyung now.” Sohee doesn’t know for sure, but it sure as hell seems like it from all the softlaunching. He’s not even mad at Wonbin, of course, he just wonders why this thing with Seunghan is just hanging between them like this. 

At that, Seunghan’s face hardens. “I’m just helping you, Sohee.” 

Sohee sighs. “Am I crazy, then? You know, surely you know? You really don’t know? You don’t feel it?” Seunghan swallows, his eyes looking at how Sohee’s hands are continuing to ride further up, slipping underneath Seunghan’s shorts, not even trying to reach for anything in particular, just wanna see how far Sohee can go before Seunghan will break, really, and Seunghan just keeps letting him, not wanting to be the first to say it. Sohee stops, looking at Seunghan gently. “You know. Surely, you know.” 

Seunghan just stares when Sohee starts straddling him. It’s a bit indecent, to be like this in public, on a hammock nonetheless, but the beach crowd is dwindling down, at least, and Sohee just needs it, for Seunghan to break, for him to say something to show Sohee that he’s not the only one feeling this, not the only one reading too much into things that are already there to begin with. 

Sohee settles his hand next to Seunghan’s head so that he can look at him, just how handsome he looks under Sohee like this, with his sharp jaw, and intense eyes, always when on Sohee, his pretty-shaped lips. Sohee moves his hand towards Seunghan’s belly button, making Seunghan gasp, almost a moan, and Sohee studies the way Seunghan rolls his eyes back, pleasured just by the small touch. Sohee continues to trail his hand up, all the way towards his abdomen, and to his pecs, flicking at his nipple a little, and Seunghan just whimpers, and surely, surely, Seunghan knows they can’t go back to being just friends after this? 

Sohee leans down, and Seunghan starts closing his eyes, which makes Sohee chuckle a little, but Sohee avoids his lips, instead whispers it into Seunghan’s ear, biting the piercing Seunghan has there, flicking his tongue a little into the earlobe, liking the way Seunghan’s hips cant up a little, knowing his sensitive spot.

“Do you like me?” 

A beat.

“Yes, I’ve liked you for so long,” Seunghan finally breaks, pulling Sohee’s shirt forcefully for their lips to meet. 

It’s a bit rough at first, both not truly expecting the kiss even though it’s been a long time coming for both of them, really. This kiss, this tension between them, all the what ifs, and hesitation. Seunghan’s teeth clank against Sohee’s at first, making Sohee wince. It’s been a while since he last kissed someone, if Sohee has to admit, and even his last kiss it hadn’t been that enjoyable. It was with a boy at a club, before Seunghan joined them for their Friday club nights, of course, and it was supposed to be a one night stand thing before Sohee remembers that he can’t, because then he would have to figure out how to tell Seunghan for their Saturdays how he would probably not been able to come. So, really, it’s a bit funny, how this is a thing that Sohee only realised when they both started fake dating, but actually, all the signs have really been there. 

Sohee doesn’t get kissed often, but knows how nice it feels, the press of lips, the feel of someone kissing you like you’re wanted. Sohee doesn’t really keep up with Seunghan’s kissing roster, but just knows enough that Seunghan knows how to kiss, knows how to make his partners feel good. Seunghan kisses so gently, yet you can feel it, his passion, the way he’s always leaning in, knowing how to direct Sohee’s jaw gently, entering his tongue inside Sohee’s mouth in a way that feels like something inside Sohee is being turned upside down, just at the feel of Seunghan’s mouth against his. It’s been so long, and this has been a long time coming. 

Sohee is fully on top of Seunghan now, their dicks squished a little together, the soft cants of their hips, just to feel the pressure, and Sohee wraps his arms around Seunghan’s neck, supporting himself there, and really, Sohee likes this, loves this so much, that it’s finally, finally, here, but knows to be a decent human being enough that he needs to get up before they both get arrested for public indecency. 

Sohee pulls away, and tries to not slam his lips back down when Seunghan follows his mouth, gaze looking a little hazy, that Sohee has to whimper a little, resting his head on Seunghan’s chest to get Seunghan’s fucked out look from his face, because genuinely, Sohee is losing his mind. 

“Hani,” Sohee whispers, and Seunghan groans at the nickname, and honestly, he’s acting like Sohee is the one punishing him, when Seunghan could’ve been the one to break the tension between them, too. “We really gotta go before we fuck this hammock up.” 

“Fuck, you can’t just start things here, and leave me hard as fuck, Lee Sohee,” Seunghan whimpers, and Sohee lifts his head up from Seunghan’s chest, glaring at him, as he has to force himself to not look at Seunghan all splayed out, getting out of the hammock.  

“Well, I’m hard, too,” Sohee complains, and Seunghan glances down at his shorts, laughing as he does, and Sohee chucks Seunghan’s shirt to him. 

They pack their things up quickly, even if they have an hour’s worth of bus to sit through before they can finally, finally, do something. They race to their bus, laughing, finally all the tension seeping through, at last, and manages to catch the bus just before it leaves. 

“Why didn’t you tell me? We wasted so much time,” Sohee asks, when Seunghan whispers in the bus how he has always liked Sohee, yes, he knows, aware, even, but it was only when Sohee told him about his crush on Wonbin that it felt like Seunghan had to really do something about it, felt such immense jealousy that he just bolted out that particular Saturday, thought Sohee was about to be taken away from him, like they talked about in their promise to each other before high school. Seunghan says it all while playing with Sohee’s fingers, pulling on them, explaining gently, and really, Sohee feels it in his chest how much he likes Seunghan. 

It explains so many things, of course, of course, and if Sohee had been more perceptive, he could’ve seen it all, all the jealousy, all the discomfort at having confessions from people he’s not particularly interested in. It explains why Seunghan has always been particularly intense about Sohee. It’s just always been there, just like how they have always been like this. Sohee tells him about his own epiphany, about how, maybe, it’s always been there all along, too, for Sohee, just not something Sohee has tapped into, until that night after Seunghan first met his friends. Sohee tells him about all the ploys, all the things that Sohee has taken into account before confronting Seunghan. Seunghan tells him about his hunch, of course they both fucking knew, but more than anything, of course, at the core of it all, it was just a matter of the fear of their friendship breaking if it wasn’t the case. 

Hunches, guesses, surely, all so risky. 

But still, leaps. Tension breaking, like a bow. Some things are worth the risk, too.

By the time they arrive over at their bus stop back at their hometown, they rush home, laughing, giddy, giddy. They both feel so fuckin young. They’re so young, and they want each other so much, and they’ve wasted too much time. They settle over at Seunghan’s place, because at least, his room is not on the same level as his parents, so by the time they reach the house, they sneak into the house even though they don't have curfew. 

They sneak into Seunghan’s room like it isn't his, and the moment the door closes, Seunghan takes him by the waist, and just kisses him silly, directing him to the bed, the springs creaking a little from the sudden weight of their bodies all tangled up. Sohee is already opening Seunghan’s pants, lowering his boxers along with it, just to have it all the press of skin on skin, a touch, all of it, and Seunghan is already panting at the feel of Sohee’s hand on his cock. 

Seunghan pulls away for a moment, resting his elbows on the bed, looking pained at the look of Sohee on top of him, his cock hard in Sohee’s hold, wet, and slightly red, pre-cum already beading at the slit. 

“Open yours, too, baby,” Seunghan says, and Sohee almost creams his pants right there, and there. Sohee lets go of Seunghan’s cock, rushing to open his pants and boxers, chucking them to the side. 

They’re kissing again, their cocks this time pressing against each other, just frotting, grinding their hips against each other. Sohee is average at best, but Seunghan is slightly bigger and longer than his, and it feels fucking delicious, the feel of Seunghan’s tip against Sohee’s underside, hot and wet between them, the way their skins are pressed against each other, while still kissing each other. Seunghan then pulls away again, after giving one last swipe against Sohee’s bottom lip. 

“Can I suck you off?” 

Sohee stifles a groan, and Seunghan positions Sohee down on the bed, Sohee all splayed out on his bed with his thighs spread apart, and Seunghan literally moans at the sight, horny freak, and when Sohee says that to him, Seunghan just laughs, leaning down over him to kiss his jaw.

“Of course, I’ve wanted you like this for so long, Lee Sohee,” Seunghan whispers, kissing his mole, the one just below his eye, making Sohee crinkle his nose a little. 

“Like this?” Sohee asks, and Seunghan hums, kissing the moles on his cheeks now, all three, mapping them out like constellations. 

“Like this,” Seunghan agrees. “All fucked out for me.” Seunghan is not that mean to mention how pre-cum immediately dribbles out of the slit of his cock at those words. “When you kissed me that day, I wanted to kiss you back, did you know? All your moles.” Sohee whimpers, when Seunghan kisses his moles again, one by one, slowly, and Sohee feels it in his chest, how much he likes Seunghan, and how he’s falling in love. 

“Should’ve done it sooner,” Sohee mumbles, taking his cock into his own hands since Seunghan is apparently lying about sucking him off.

“Can’t, you were having that huge ass crush on your Wonbin-hyung, remember?” Seunghan says, taking a jab, slapping Sohee’s hand away. Seunghan finally takes him in his mouth, and immediately, Sohee kinda knows that it’s his first time giving head, with the slight feel of teeth on Sohee’s cock, at first, but for his lack of skills, his enthusiasm makes up for it. Seunghan takes him in like he’s a bit starved, like he tastes good, and Sohee almost believes it, if it weren’t for the fact that they were at the beach the whole day toaday, and Sohee was sweaty as hell.

But Seunghan takes him in anyway, loves it. He swallows the tip, once he gets the hang of it, and Sohee has to stop himself from fucking into Seunghan’s throat, not wanting Seunghan to be uncomfortable, but loves the sight of him with Sohee’s cock down his throat. Seunghan pulls away, and starts licking the underside, like a kitten, and genuinely Sohee has never thought that he’d be this horny, but he is, just at this sight, just at his attraction to Seunghan. Seunghan licks down to his balls at some point, putting them in his mouth, and that’s when Sohee feels himself close to coming, whimpering it out, but Seunghan takes him in his mouth again, and this time, Sohee can’t help the thrust of his hips, too into the warmth of Seunghan’s mouth, and genuinely, how could they have toed around this for so long? Slept with each other for so long without doing shit. It feels impossible, at this point. 

Sohee reaches his climax, and comes, moaning Seunghan’s nickname he does, and Seunghan pulls away, just enough to have a little bit of a taste which got him wrinkling his nose a little, and the rest just spurts out to Sohee’s abdomen, spurting in batches, making Seunghan moan at the sight, his hand moving fast on his own cock, just at the sight of Sohee alone, and Sohee thinks that’s another drug, to be so attractive in someone’s eyes that you could pleasure yourself just by looking at them. 

Seunghan eventually comes, directing his come to Sohee’s body, which makes Sohee groan, feeling his cock twitch as the come lands on him, not knowing just how freaky Seunghan can get, truly, and it makes Sohee wonder, honestly, just how Seunghan is able to stand it for so long. 

Seunghan finally collapses on the bed, breathing hard, his climax being intense, and Sohee knows he must’ve been really exhausted, from the beach day, from the pent up exhaustion of keeping his feelings for so long, maybe, that he doesn’t give a fuck about them not having showered yet. Seunghan is usually the more particular one about these things, about showering before getting into bed, stuff like that, but right now, he just cuddles closer to Sohee, taking his waist, and pulling him close. 

“We have to shower,” Sohee mumbles, the post-orgasm lethargy also getting to him. Also, well, just, this. This feels nice. Being with Seunghan without having to doubt and think about stuff. 

“Later,” Seunghan mumbles into Sohee’s collarbones, licking them. Sohee nods, and is just about to drift off to sleep when Seunghan mumbles something more. “You can’t leave me, Lee Sohee, seriously.” 

“You’re crazy,” Sohee just says back, and Seunghan pinches his waist, lifting his face up to look at Sohee. 

“No, for real. I mean if it doesn’t work out, maybe,” Seunghan says, and at that, Sohee makes a face. They just got this, and Seunghan wants to talk about them not working out already? Seriously, this guy. Seunghan pinches his waist, whining a little. “But, you can’t just act like nothing happened after this, okay? This happened, it’s real. It’s out there.” 

“Hani, these things aren’t just things you made up,” Sohee says, looking down at Seunghan, eyebrows a little furrowed. “Of course, it happened. We’re here.” 

Seunghan burrows his face in Sohee’s chest again, mumbling. “Well, when it’s been something I’ve thought of for so long, it can feel like one.” 

Really, this guy and his drama-esque lines. Sohee kind of gets it, really, where Seunghan is coming from. Sure, the whole underlying feelings for Sohee might have been there all along, but Seunghan realised it so much earlier than him, waited for so long, with no signs from Sohee, only until recently. Sohee gets the toll it might have on Seunghan’s confidence, why Seunghan hesitated for so long, not wanting to be the first to say it, just giving signs after signs. 

Sohee likes him so much. 

Genuinely, Sohee does, and Seunghan has been here for so long in his life, and Sohee doesn’t want him to go. Sohee can say it actually, Seunghan can’t leave him, not allowed. 

“I like you, Hong Seunghan,” Sohee whispers into Seunghan’s hair. “And I’m never gonna take that away from you.” 

Seunghan doesn’t look up, but Sohee can feel the way Seunghan smiles into his collarbones. 

𓅸

chanyoung 🦕

welcome back to school

wya

sohee (•ө•)♡

Otw 

Boba offer still up btw?

chanyoung 🦕

oh shit another boba talk 

did we read seunghan wrong

is this another one of ur failed crush 

damnnnnnnnn two in a row? 

sohee (•ө•)♡

RUDE AS FUCK WTFDEHUJ

IM LITERALLY DATING HIMB#

chanyoung 🦕

🎉

𓅸