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Rui isn’t sure if his feelings for Nene can be accurately described as a crush. Isn’t a crush supposed to overwhelm you, to make you into an anxious, blushing mess? He doesn't feel crushed. Rui could never feel uncomfortable around Nene, let alone anxious. She’s already seen him at his worst; he sees no reason to hide any aspects of himself in order to impress her. He’s not afraid of her judging him in any meaningful way. He trusts her too much for that, and isn't trust more meaningful in a relationship than the alternative?
Maybe what he feels is closer to infatuation, or affection. He does love her, there's no doubt in his mind about that. But is he in love? What’s the difference? Maybe it’s just semantics. He wouldn't be lying if he told Nene he loved her. So what does it matter if it doesn't feel like how a crush is “supposed” to feel? What does it matter if he can't find the exact right word to describe his feelings for her?
Still, Rui feels like there must be an answer somewhere. It would be unsatisfying to end this train of thought with no concrete answer. Rui is and always has been the type to need closure when faced with an unknown. It feels… wrong, to be unsure of something so important.
A knock on the garage door draws him out of his thoughts. He gets up from his desk chair and winces as his joints pop — gosh, he thinks, how long had he been sitting there? It’s much too easy for Rui to lose track of time when he’s so engrossed in his thoughts. He lifts the garage door and is greeted by an unexpected yet familiar sight: Nene, a blanket draped over her shoulders, holding a box of hot chocolate mix and a pile of DVDs.
“It’s snowing,” she says, as if that’s enough to justify her appearance at 8:00 p.m. on a weeknight. Really though, she doesn't need any justification. She’s always welcome in the Kamishiro household, just as Rui is always welcome in the Kusanagis’. But it still doesn't explain her arrival.
“Good evening to you too?” Rui questions. He steps aside to let her in (unnecessary, considering she’s entering through the garage) and takes the box and DVDs, giving her a chance to remove her shoes and jacket.
“Rui, it’s snowing,” she says as she sets her boots on the floor. “It’s the first snowfall of the year.” Ah, right. The two, as of last year, have restarted their old tradition of having a movie night when the weather begins to chill and snowflakes are first allowed to fall.
“Oh?” Rui turns on his phone and checks the weather widget. “Huh, I suppose it is.”
“Dumbass, the door was just open. Now come on, I’ll make the hot chocolate while you get the movies set up?” It must be the cold air or something giving her a slight boost of adrenaline, but Nene seems more enthusiastic than usual. Rui can only nod in response as she heads up to the kitchen.
It’s nice, Rui reflects, that Nene is comfortable enough to barge right in and demand a movie night. Last year, Rui had been the one to invite her over, and there's no way she’d be confident enough to even suggest it before then. He’s proud of her, yes, but also relieved. He’s glad she’s comfortable in his presence too, he thinks.
He shuffles through the DVD cases Nene brought as the TV powers on. They’re all films and musicals the two watched over and over as kids. The kind of movies they’ve seen enough times to know inside and out, to commit their entire scripts to memory. They’re predictable, but not boring. If anything, it’s a comfort to know exactly what’s coming next. To know that, no matter how fast everything else moves and changes, no matter how uncertain the future may be, Rui can always come back to these stories. They’re not going anywhere.
The door creaks, startling Rui out of his thoughts yet again. Nene nudges the door open with her elbow while precariously holding two very full mugs of hot chocolate. “Do you have any coasters? I’m not just going to put these straight on the table.”
“I have… index cards?” Rui says sheepishly.
She laughs. (It’s beautiful.) “Close enough.” She sets the mugs down and sits next to Rui, wrapping the blanket around them both. Rui can't help but smile fondly when he sees a bit of blush on the tip of her nose, though it's surely nothing more than a remnant from the biting cold air outside. He starts up the movie.
Rui leans forward and picks up the mug of hot chocolate. There are no marshmallows — thank goodness, he can't stand the texture — and it’s not too hot; Nene must have added a splash of milk so he doesn't burn his tongue. He knows Nene buys the kind with marshmallows in the packets, too, so she must have picked them out just for him. Nene’s thoughtfulness does more to warm his heart than any amount of hot chocolate ever could. He takes a sip, letting the taste bring him back to winters past: him and Nene sledding down the bunny hill, him and Nene making snowmen and snow-robots, him and Nene watching those old stop-motion Christmas movies. It’s always been him and Nene, he reflects.
The two let themselves fall into a scene that they've played out a thousand times: leaning up against one another (to conserve body heat, of course), mouthing along to the movie, laughing at all the same jokes. Getting popcorn when the hot chocolate is gone, and ice cream when the popcorn runs out. Basking in the warmth and comfort that constantly surrounds them whenever they have each other. It’s almost enough to let Rui forget his troubles. Almost.
“Nene,” he whispers as the credits begin to roll. “I love…” No, that’s too much. “I love spending time with you.”
And Nene must be half asleep already. She has to be, because with a soft smile and an even softer voice, she replies, “I love you too, Rui.”
Rui jolts. It’s not often he’s rendered speechless, but all he can do right now is gape stupidly as he tries to untangle his thoughts. Friends say “I love you”, right? He’s pretty sure Emu does, at least. Though, she might not be the best frame of reference for what’s “normal”.
Rui just stares, unblinking, as cheery music drones from the TV. Nene seems to finally process what she just said, her eyes going wide and shoulders stiffening. She could backtrack at any moment. It was just a slip of the tongue, she could say, she misspoke. That’s all.
She could say that, but she doesn't. She just continues to make eye contact with Rui. Eye contact that with anyone else would be uncomfortable, but it feels so natural with her.
This should be the moment where they kiss, right? Romance may not be his go-to genre, but Rui’s read plenty of stories like this. The two leads have just confessed their love. They’re so close. There’s no one else around. The tension is high. They lean in, and their lips meet, and fireworks go off. Isn’t that what should happen? It is, isn't it? So why does it feel… not wrong, exactly, but not quite right, either? Like they haven’t gotten to that point in the story yet. There are plenty of pages not yet turned, plenty of chapters not even begun.
Things feel comfortable with Nene. Things feel natural. So it would be wrong to force anything, even if it seems like that’s where the story is destined to go. Even if that’s where they both want the story to go.
What feels natural to Rui right now is just to hug Nene. To wrap his arms around her in a comfortable embrace, and for her to return the gesture, and for them to just sit like that, in comfortable silence. And so he does, and they do, and it’s exactly right. “Thank you,” he breathes. He’s not sure what he’s thanking her for. For loving him, maybe, or for having always loved him. For the hot chocolate, and the movie night, and the warmth she brings to his garage and his life. Or for just being there.
“Of course,” she replies. “Always.”