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Of course this would happen to Phoenix. It was surprising it hadn't happened sooner. He'd gotten the real culprit onto the witness stand, and she was a tough nut to crack — emphasis on the nut — but he finally had her, he knew he did. She slipped, and he had the evidence he needed.
And then, in her apparent shock, Hazel Filbert dropped her handkerchief, the one she'd been mopping her brow with. "Oh, golly," she had stammered, leaning over to pick it up, "oh gee, Mr. Lawyer — "
Something tapped the back of Phoenix's head. "Wright!" shouted Edgeworth from the opposite bench, his voice oddly high. Phoenix reached up and felt cold smooth metal just as a strong arm slipped around his chest. A collective gasp surged through the courtroom. And that's how Phoenix ended up with a gun to his head right there in Courtroom 6.
"Nobody move or the spiky shyster gets it!" yelled Ms. Filbert.
"Don't turn around, Mr. Wright. Uhh, sorry about this," said the person behind Phoenix.
The judge rose to his feet to bang his gavel with as much enthusiasm as Phoenix had ever seen. "Order! Order! Now see here!" The crowd in the gallery had broken into a commotion, some people screaming or fleeing, others ducking for cover. They weren't doing a great job at following instructions. "Bailiffs! Police! Oh no!" the judge yelled.
Phoenix craned his head to look over his shoulder. "I said don't turn around! Jeez!" said a familiar-looking young court bailiff, pushing at Phoenix's head with the muzzle of his gun.
"Oh, you asshole. What did she pay you?" Phoenix grumbled, clammy sweat breaking out on his forehead. Fuck. At least Maya wasn't here. Maya would be getting herself into so much trouble right now.
"Everyone stay calm and don't move! You hear?!" shouted Filbert while the traitorous bailiff dragged Phoenix around, struggling with something behind him. Something heavy dropped to the floor near Phoenix's feet: a second pistol. The bailiff put his foot on top of it and kicked it across the floor towards Filbert. She picked it up.
In the gallery, a couple of police officers Phoenix hadn't noticed till that moment moved the aim of their guns from the rogue bailiff to the witness and then had a disagreement about it, each waving their gun to suggest where the other one should be pointing.
"All I'm lookin' to do here is leave this courthouse with no trouble, capisce?" Filbert said, twirling her hat around on a finger of the hand not holding the gun. "We'll let this wise guy go once we do, no harm no foul, just as long as nobody gets any clever ideas."
Edgeworth had taken a couple steps out from behind his bench and across the courtroom. "Unhand him at once!" he barked. Oh, great. Phoenix hadn't counted on him getting himself into trouble.
"Sorry, uh, Mr. Edgeworth, now I really can't, or I'd be in a lot of trouble, sir," said the bailiff sheepishly.
"You're in a whole world of trouble if you don't!" Edgeworth growled, his hands balled into furious fists at his sides, and if his usual expression was stormy, there was a goddamn typhoon brewing on his face now. Armed with nothing but a pocket square and a pen, he was somehow the scariest person in the room. He must've been absolutely terrified, Phoenix thought. Aww.
"Shut your trap, pinkie!" Filbert yowled, aiming her gun at Edgeworth. She was moving slowly backwards from the witness stand. The bailiff was inching out from the defense bench to follow her, keeping Phoenix in front of him like a meat shield.
"Are you insane?" Edgeworth yelled back.
Oh shit. "Edgeworth," Phoenix heard himself squeak.
"Shut up, Wright," Edgeworth said. He stalked towards Filbert. He was going to get himself fucking killed, and Phoenix couldn't tear his eyes away. "Even if you get out of this building, you won't make it a mile! The police station is next door! There will be perimeters set up before you even — "
A gunshot cracked. Phoenix let out a cut-off yelp, but Edgeworth didn't collapse or start spouting blood. Filbert had her gun raised straight up; a fine cloud of ceiling plaster dust came drifting down. "Hands up! Get behind your desk, pinkie, and get on the floor like a good boy or we'll kill the lawyer."
"Sorry," the bailiff said again, the muzzle of his gun digging into Phoenix's scalp. "I'll do it, though. I'm in it now."
"Ow," Phoenix said reproachfully.
Edgeworth had his hands up when Phoenix looked over. His face was frozen with impotent fury, lips pressed together so hard they were white, nostrils flaring like he might start to cry. Phoenix shook his head slightly, and Edgeworth retreated towards the prosecution bench slowly. Good. Phoenix tried to tell him to stay there telepathically.
"Now, let's not have any more drama," said Filbert, and she made for the courtroom doors, aiming her gun this way and that. "Come along," she called to the bailiff, and Phoenix was dragged along. The cops in the room seemed to have decided they couldn't make a move without Phoenix's brains being splattered over the wall.
But that was a bluff, obviously. Filbert and the bailiff couldn't kill Phoenix or it would all be over for them. It was everyone else in the room who was at risk if Filbert lost the last of her cool. Civilians, cops, Phoenix's client, the judge if he wasn't hiding behind his bench, and, of course, Edgeworth. Who, thank god, had the good sense to be hiding behind his bench as well now. Maybe the telepathic message worked.
As Phoenix let himself be shuffled backwards, he reassured himself of that. At least Edgeworth was safe. And he wouldn't see whatever happened next, either. Phoenix only had his own situation to worry about. Which was...not great. He might be able to break away from the bailiff if it were a question of strength alone, but he could feel the gun up against his skull, crushing his spikes, shifting each time the bailiff made him take a step. A bead of sweat spilled ticklishly down Phoenix's back under his shirt. Bluff or not, if Phoenix startled this guy, he might get shot purely by accident. "We're going through the door together, so turn sideways," the bailiff told him. Phoenix swallowed and nodded. His head was starting to swim, the familiar courtroom stretching out strangely before his eyes.
"Go!" shouted Filbert, and out of the corner of his eye, Phoenix saw her slam the courtroom doors open with both hands. The bailiff thrust Phoenix around and into the hallway, but at that moment, there was a flash of movement low to the ground in Phoenix's peripheral vision and an ungodly shrieking yowl like an angry animal.
The bailiff screamed, jerking, his arms loosening on Phoenix as the pressure of the gun slipped away, and before Phoenix consciously wondered what fresh hell was occurring, his body had thrown itself to the floor and ungracefully roll-tumble-crawled to the far side of the courthouse hallway, where, breathing hard from terror, he witnessed the traitorous bailiff being climbed by a furious, large, fluffy grey cat.
The cat was growling and screeching, its hair standing on end. Its claws were tearing at the bailiff's clothes, its body twisting and head turning this way and that to bite savagely as it went, while the bailiff danced and squawked and dropped his gun, flailing at the animal and having his hands clawed to ribbons for it. Fur flew. The cat lunged into the man's face, velcroing itself to his skull. He screamed bloody murder.
The half-dozen policemen gathered in the hallway stared for a long moment, just as gobsmacked as Phoenix and Ms. Filbert, before Detective Gumshoe yelled, "Take 'em down!" and flung himself bodily into Filbert, whose gun went off too late. Suspects and cat alike disappeared below a tide of cops and bailiffs, the ones from the courtroom rushing to help while everyone ignored Phoenix, lying in a crumpled pile of blue polyester in the corner.
Several minutes later, after the two suspects were marched away in handcuffs and terrified members of the public gallery began to file out of the courtroom, Phoenix found himself sitting on the hallway bench, a cup of vending machine coffee warming his shaky hands. "Gumshoe," he said.
"You okay, pal? You're still looking all sweaty. Want a Swiss roll?"
"Have you seen Edgeworth?"
Gumshoe rubbed his chin. "Now that you mention it, no. He must've slipped past me and gone with the arresting officers. You know how he is! Never misses a beat!"
Phoenix pursed his lips and let out a long breath. "What happened to the cat?"
"The cat? Oh man, I couldn't tell you, but that sure was crazy! You know that cat?"
"He's my cat."
The gears turned in Gumshoe's head. "Oh yeah, you brought him into that crime scene the other time! You gotta stop bringing your pet to work...but I guess he did save your butt today. Whew, I've heard of dogs saving their owners, but that's one tough kitty. You want me to find out if we caught him?"
Phoenix did, and Gumshoe felt sorry for him, or maybe he just wanted to see the cute kitty. He came back a few minutes later with a hangdog look about him that boded ill. "A couple of cops found the cat hiding behind the ficus in the prosecution lobby. They already took him over to Animal Control. If you hurry over there, you can probably catch him before they take him to the Humane Society, but you're gonna have to prove he's yours...that kitty's in a lick of trouble."
Oh hell. Why didn't Miles transform in the men's room or something? He mustn't have had enough time to hide. Now he definitely wouldn't have a chance. Phoenix stood up and waited a second to see if he was going to pass out. When he didn't, he said, "Thanks for the info," handed Gumshoe his half-drunk coffee, and took off towards the elevators.
"Hey, I'll give 'em a call vouching for ya!" Gumshoe yelled after him.
"Is he microchipped or anything?" The bespectacled animal control officer seemed like she was trying to look unimpressed. The office smelled of carpet cleaner and dog pee.
Phoenix pursed his lips. Was Miles Edgeworth microchipped. "No, no microchip."
"You brought some paperwork? His file from your vet?"
"Um, no, I just ran over here from the courthouse." Literally.
The officer popped her bubblegum. "Well, he's not wearing a collar or anything, and he, uh..." She flipped over a sheet of paper on her desk. Through the plexiglass panel, Phoenix could see perfectly well that the paper had nothing on it. "Shredded a guy's face. So we're sending him to the vet at the Humane Society to see if he has any diseases. Try your luck down there in a few hours or like, days."
Diseases. Was Miles Edgeworth diseased?
"Myooow," moaned an extremely sour feline voice from somewhere behind the lady.
"Hang on, is he right there?" Phoenix craned his head, trying to see over the desk. Thonk! He bonked his forehead on the plexiglass. Ow. "Miles?"
"Me-OW!" yelled the cat, escalating from despondent to pissed off.
"Your cat's name is Miles?" the officer said, judging him with her eyes.
Phoenix pointed his finger at the glass. "You just admitted he's my cat."
"I didn't say that."
"Put him up here." Phoenix pounded his hand on the edge of the desk, making the officer jump. Whoops. Too much? But he couldn't just leave Edgeworth to get sent to the Humane Society. Phoenix had just seen what an angry Catworth could do to a man. If he was put through the indignity of having a vet stick a thermometer up his butt, he'd probably do something that would get him sent to cat jail for life. "Please. Put him up on your desk and I'll prove he's my cat."
"Ugh!" The officer's patience snapped. She tipped her head back as if begging the gods for mercy. "Fine! I don't see how that's going to help." She hunched down below the desk and came up holding a beige plastic cat carrier, the kind with the metal grating on the door and windows. It had a huge LIVE ANIMAL sticker on the side.
It had been months since Phoenix had met Edgeworth's cat form, but there could really be no mistake. Could there? The fluffy grey cat inside the carrier was looking rumpled. It was breathing fast, squashed into the back of the carrier as far as it could get, eyes wide. The thick white ruff of fur around its neck was evocative. "Hey," Phoenix said.
The cat stared at him. Pleadingly. Or perhaps furiously. It was hard to tell on a cat.
"Um, thanks for that back there." Phoenix had to come up with something. Something to prove the cat understood him without making Edgeworth reveal human intelligence. "Uh...shake?" Phoenix put his hand up to the glass.
For a moment, Phoenix thought the cat was not going to respond in any way, and that he was wrong: he'd dreamed the first Catworth Incident, he was going insane and had hallucinated the feline rescue in the courthouse, or, worse, it was all real, but this was the wrong cat somehow and Miles was somewhere else. Then the cat's eyes narrowed, chest puffing indignantly. It lifted its front paw, sticking its foot on the metal grate. The tufts between its cute pink toe beans stuck through the bars.
Hands on hips, Phoenix turned triumphantly to the animal control officer. She rolled her gum around in her mouth, as unimpressed as ever.
"Roll over? Please," Phoenix begged Edgeworth.
Edgeworth's ribs rose and fell visibly, like a sigh. He flopped onto his side and wriggled to roll over in the tight confines.
"Speak?"
"Meow," Edgeworth drawled.
Phoenix pressed his hand against the glass again in a peace sign. "How many fingers?"
Edgeworth pawed at the carrier door twice.
"Okay! Good gracious," the officer said. "I get the idea. That's one smart cat."
"He did just save me from a hostage situation, so he's the best cat ever, actually," Phoenix said. Edgeworth was watching him with his pupils constricted to narrow little slits. "But he's not normally so obedient for me," Phoenix added, and the thick fluffy grey tail whipped and flicked over Edgeworth's paws.
The officer picked the carrier up and stepped away from the desk. She came out the door beside it, carrying Edgeworth and some paperwork. "You have to sign him out and accept liability for anyone else he mauls. And if you need to take that carrier, the city's gonna bill you for it."
"Uh, no, I think we're good," Phoenix said. He leaned on the front desk and glanced over the papers, pretending to read them. Lawyer skills.
"You're just going to carry a cat out of here? Not even on a leash?"
Distracted by putting his signature down, Phoenix said, "If I try to put a leash on him, he'll cut my balls off and feed them to me." That was a weird thing to say about a cat. He glanced sideways up at the officer.
She was looking at him with half-lidded eyes as if absolutely nothing he did could surprise her. She popped her gum.
Edgeworth was nice to hold. Phoenix had thought so last time, too. He was a pretty big cat, and his fur was really thick and soft, and he was warm, and he knew that if he tried to break free from Phoenix he'd be in even more trouble than he already was, so he was resigned to his fate and pliant like a stuffed animal. Of course, he'd probably not hesitate to claw Phoenix if Phoenix squeezed him too hard.
Phoenix walked half a block, past a few people who slowed down to stare at the man in a business suit carrying a whole-ass raw cat, then ducked into an alleyway beside a closed Chinese restaurant and set Edgeworth down behind a dumpster. He looked up and down the alley furtively, checking for anyone sketchy, but he and Edgeworth were the only sketchy people around in the middle of the afternoon. "Okay, do your thing."
Edgeworth stood there on the cracked concrete and just looked up at him.
"What, you want privacy?" Phoenix turned around and waited.
"Mao," Edgeworth mewed impatiently. Phoenix turned back. Edgeworth was still a cat. It would have been weird if he'd made that noise otherwise.
"What's up? Are you gonna be naked?" That hadn't happened last time. Phoenix would've remembered that. Probably at all the wrong times. "Do you need your magic talisman?" Phoenix only had his own magic talisman. Edgeworth gave another kitty sigh. "Well, I don't know, Edgeworth. What do you need? I don't speak cat."
Edgeworth stepped out around Phoenix and began padding out of the alleyway towards the street. "Hey, wait!" Phoenix called, hurrying after him. "Where are you going? You can't drive home like that." Edgeworth's tail curled as he walked. Phoenix caught up with him and scooped him up, but Edgeworth wasn't a plush toy this time; he shoved his paws into Phoenix's chest and face, thankfully without claws, and wriggled to get loose. "You can't just go off on your own!" Phoenix protested, but he let Edgeworth hop down anyway.
A police car had slowed to a crawl as it passed Phoenix. The cop in the passenger seat, who Phoenix maybe recognized from some crime scene, was staring at him suspiciously. Phoenix grinned toothily and waved and the cops rolled slowly away.
Edgeworth hadn't taken the opportunity to run off, but he trotted in a circle in front of Phoenix, impatient.
"Okay, but where the heck are we going?" The courthouse was out, and there was no way Phoenix could bring a cat to Edgeworth's office without being stopped. Phoenix didn't know where Edgeworth lived. That really only left... "My place? Is that okay?"
Edgeworth gave a cracking mew that was probably acquiescence. Maybe he just wanted to be off the street at this point. He was small and had sensitive ears and stuff. Phoenix's dinky apartment didn't seem likely to solve whatever problem had Edgeworth trapped in cat form, but they could at least communicate more openly without attracting attention.
"Okay, let's go, I guess."
The bus was pretty empty this time of day. Edgeworth walked on ahead of Phoenix and went back the aisle while Phoenix was paying his fare. The bus driver had no reaction to a cat getting on the bus on its own, and the few other passengers didn't seem to notice. Phoenix peered into each of the seats until he found Edgeworth, sitting primly with his tail over his paws. He had a whole window seat to himself. Phoenix sat down next to him.
"You know, I complain about everyone in this city being insane, but it has its benefits," Phoenix said. "Nothing surprises anyone."
Edgeworth seemed to ignore him, staring at the window as the bus heaved off the curb and the grungy bus stop slid away. The top of Edgeworth's head had shorter fur that furrowed into wrinkles on his forehead just the way Edgeworth's eyebrows normally furrowed. The texture looked super soft. He was soft all over, but that spot between his ears was so tempting.
Phoenix sat on his hands and shut his eyes.
When Phoenix stood up twenty minutes later, Edgeworth hopped off the seat and followed behind him. Off the bus, onto the sidewalk, past the guitar shop and the convenience store, around the corner of Phoenix's building. Phoenix held the door for Edgeworth to go through. "I'm on the third floor," Phoenix told him.
There was a woman in the lobby with a toddler, waiting for the elevator. Phoenix recognized her from around the building. He waved sheepishly. "I didn't know you had a cat," she said, sounding delighted. "He's so independent. Hi, kitty kitty!"
Edgeworth looked around for the sign to the stairs and then trotted past her towards them.
"Yeah, ha ha," Phoenix said. "Very independent. You could say he takes me for walks."
"How cute!" The nice lady was undeterred by Edgeworth's aloofness, watching his fluffy butt disappear around the corner towards the stairwell with hearts in her eyes. "Did you see the pretty kitty, Ulrich?" she cooed to her baby.
God, Edgeworth was Edgeworth no matter what. If Phoenix's neighbor was ignored by his magenta-suited human form, she'd probably still be watching his rear like she wished he'd stop by her place. This was why Edgeworth never responded to flirting. He probably just thought that was how people talked. "I'd better catch up!" Phoenix said stiffly, hurrying after the coveted rear.
Edgeworth scampered up all those stairs with no complaint. Phoenix groaned as he summited the last flight. Fishing out his keys, he led them down the hall, opened his apartment door, and watched Edgeworth prance inside.
Once the door was shut behind them, Phoenix let out a breath of relief. "That wasn't on my bingo card for today," he said, and then he dropped his briefcase and just sort of sank down against the door.
His hands were shaking as he untied his shoes. The hostage incident had maybe been a bit much. He tipped his head back and rubbed his eyes. He needed to figure out what to do about Edgeworth. And take his suit off before it wrinkled more. In a minute.
Phoenix's client, a neurotic college kid, must have been losing his mind. It seemed pretty clear-cut that he'd be declared innocent now, but the trial had already dragged on for two days while Phoenix and Edgeworth struggled to hunt down the truth and eventually managed to drag Filbert to the stand. Now they'd have to reconvene for a third day. Which was going to be difficult if the prosecutor was still a cat.
Okay, first things first: call the courthouse. Phoenix dug his cell phone out of his briefcase.
While he was on hold with the courthouse clerk, Edgeworth jumped down from the sofa and came over to stare at him unnervingly. Phoenix stared back. "Um. One sec. Courthouse," Phoenix said, pointing at his phone.
Edgeworth smacked the back of Phoenix's hand. Phoenix yelped, then realized there had been no claws and it didn't hurt. He looked from the cat to the phone. "Ohhh," he said, realization dawning. He put the phone on speaker. "What are you gonna do, meow at him?"
"Mr. Wright?" the clerk said. He sounded like he was laughing.
"Uh, yeah, I'm here!" He heard that, huh.
"The trial reconvenes tomorrow morning at 10, but Courtroom 6 is a crime scene now so they'll have to move it."
Edgeworth lay down next to Phoenix, folding himself into a loaf with his head and his menacing glare turned away. Some of his fluff was clinging to Phoenix's leg. "Where are we moving to?" Phoenix asked the clerk.
"Hm...let me see if I can find that for you."
Phoenix was back on hold. He put his phone on the floor and sighed, leaning back and tapping the points of his spikes against the door idly. Edgeworth flopped over onto his side, which — unintentionally? — pressed his little warm body up against Phoenix's knee. His fur looked tempting again, and Phoenix noticed a tuft was sticking up at the back of his head.
Well, Edgeworth started it.
Phoenix stroked two fingers over Edgeworth's head. Edgeworth didn't move, didn't react in any way. Soft. Phoenix dared to put the rest of his hand down there and pet Edgeworth's head a couple of times. He tried flattening out the tuft, but it stubbornly sprang up like the cowlick Edgeworth usually had in human form. The much longer fur around Edgeworth's neck was also sticking up every which way. That proved more cooperative with Phoenix's smoothing efforts. It would be nice if he had a brush...
"Mr. Wright," the clerk said.
Phoenix and Edgeworth both jumped. Edgeworth sat up very straight, wrapping his tail over his paws. "Yes?" Phoenix said squeakily.
"It's a real mess over here and nobody's assigned a courtroom. You'll just have to check at the desk when you come in in the morning."
Shocker. Phoenix thanked the clerk and hung up. Edgeworth's tail was tapping. "What are we gonna do if you're still a cat at 10 AM?"
Edgeworth walked off, apparently bored with him.
Phoenix scrambled off the floor. If he had human Edgeworth as a guest at his apartment, what would he do? Probably panic and hurry to pick up the dirty socks and folded-down bag of chips lying together on the couch where he'd abandoned them last night. And then stick his foot in his mouth somehow because he desperately wanted to impress Edgeworth but also couldn't help ribbing him. But after that. "Do you want something to drink? Or eat?" Phoenix called, heading into the kitchen. What was he going to offer Edgeworth? He'd never live down pouring kibble into a bowl for an internationally renowned prosecutor. Also, he didn't have any.
He filled a bowl with water and emptied a can of Starkist chunk tuna onto a plate. He'd had worse meals himself. Frequently. He brought them out of the kitchen and looked at the floor, which hadn't seen a vacuum in...a while. Not that he'd ask Edgeworth to eat off a clean floor, either.
He put the bowl and plate on the coffee table. On a placemat. Okay, a clean dish towel. Very civilized except for the lack of fork. Never let it be said Phoenix Wright didn't know how to impress a guy. "Edgeworth?"
Edgeworth slunk around the corner from Phoenix's bedroom, and the less Phoenix thought about Edgeworth snooping in his bedroom, the better. He gestured to the table like a waiter.
Edgeworth hopped up on the coffee table, looked at the tuna, and then looked at Phoenix, his feline expression mercilessly withering.
"Hey, that's my food," Phoenix said, jabbing a finger in his direction. "Fit for human consumption. I'd fix you up a porterhouse steak and arugula-goat cheese side salad if you could hold a fork, but you'd probably yak it up onto my rug anyway."
With a disdainful flick of his ears, Edgeworth turned away and began to lap daintily out of the water dish.
Phoenix sat down on the couch and rubbed his temples. So that went great. Edgeworth was totally charmed. What next? Find a way to communicate, that would be good. Edgeworth couldn't hold a pen and definitely couldn't type on Phoenix's bar phone. Phoenix could barely type on it. A computer keyboard might have worked, but Phoenix didn't have a laptop. His desktop, inherited from Mia, lived at the office. Maybe he should've taken Edgeworth there. What could stand in for a keyboard? Phoenix looked around the room.
His eyes fell on the stack of board games on his bookshelf (Billy, from IKEA). First he noticed Scrabble, but he imagined the effort it would take Edgeworth to bat tiles into a line...and his gaze fell to the ouija board Maya and Pearl had acquired when they visited in October.
That had been a sight: real spirit mediums playing at a spooky pretend seance. Phoenix hadn't been able to comprehend what was so entertaining to them about it, but they'd had a great time trying to convince Phoenix they weren't the ones pushing the planchette around.
As Phoenix kneeled on the floor and opened up the board on the end of the coffee table, Edgeworth sat washing his whiskers with his paw. Phoenix was pretty sure he'd eaten some of the tuna. He was getting ready to gloat when Edgeworth stopped to peer at what Phoenix was doing.
"Uh." Phoenix tapped the board with his finger. "It's not mine. Er, I guess it's mine now. Maya left it here. Don't look at me like that."
At least it didn't take any explaining for Edgeworth to work out the idea. He walked over and looked up at Phoenix like he couldn't believe this was his life. (Well, that made two of them.) Then he put his cute little nub of a paw over the letter "G", looked up to check that Phoenix was watching, and then pawed "O".
"Go?" Phoenix repeated. "Like, away?"
Edgeworth slapped the No at the corner of the board.
"Oh, 'go' like ask questions?" Phoenix hesitated. "Are you okay?"
Yes, Edgeworth tapped.
"Really? I was thinking maybe you got stuck like this because you got injured. You got into a fight with a way bigger guy."
No. Edgeworth planted his paw firmly.
"Then what do you need?"
Edgeworth spelled out R E S T.
Rest? "Is that it? You'll be able to change back after resting...before tomorrow morning?"
Yes.
Phoenix stared at Edgeworth suspiciously. He was sure Edgeworth was pridefully covering something up, but it was like pulling teeth getting him to admit to a weakness ordinarily, and cross-examining a cat was going to be impossible. Edgeworth didn't want to miss court tomorrow himself, surely, so Phoenix would have to trust him that he'd be back by then.
Still. "I wish I could do something to help. You saved me back there. I've been in some tight spots, but seriously. I don't think a human could've pulled that off without getting me shot."
Edgeworth started spelling quickly but meticulously. Pat pat pat pat pat. Y O U R E W E L C O M E.
Phoenix laughed. "Yeah, okay. Thank you, Edgeworth. You could've said that with less letters."
C L I E N T, Edgeworth spelled.
"What client? My client?" Phoenix blinked at him. Of course Edgeworth would be thinking of the case, but Phoenix couldn't tell what he meant.
V I S I T.
"Oh!" Phoenix checked his watch. "Oh, shit!" Visiting hours at the detention center ended in less than an hour. Edgeworth was right, of course — Phoenix had to talk to his client, to reassure him and to get info about Filbert. "Will you be alright here alone for a bit?"
Edgeworth didn't bother to use the ouija board. He mewed. The sound was really cute, much softer and higher than his pissed-off yowling from earlier, but it was accompanied by a disturbingly human eye-roll.
Phoenix rushed around, gathering his stuff, sliding back into his shoes, and then he flung the door open, psychologically preparing himself to bike over in rush hour traffic at top speed. Edgeworth meowed again.
Stopping in the doorway, Phoenix peered at him. "What's wrong?"
Edgeworth dithered, lifting a paw and setting it down and resettling his tail across it. Phoenix started to worry. Then Edgeworth patted his paw twice on the ouija board. Goodbye.
Phoenix smiled at him. Awkward dork. "Yeah. Get some rest. You can use the bed if you want, I swear I washed the sheets this week."
Between pleading for the detention center staff to let him finish asking his client questions, making a stop at his office, wolfing down a sub for dinner, and running over to Criminal Affairs to exchange his own report of the day's events for the police's version, it was three hours till Phoenix got back home. Neither cat nor man was in sight as he entered. "Edgeworth? I brought you takeout," he called uncertainly as he came through the door, dropping his briefcase on the increasingly cluttered coffee table by the half-empty abandoned plate of tuna and swinging his suit jacket off.
He paused with one arm still in the sleeve. Coming home with dinner for Edgeworth? He'd had daydreams like this. Was it pathetic that it made his heart speed up to think of it like that?
It only occurred to him then that Edgeworth could've transformed into a human and left while he was out. That was probably what he had done. It would be very Edgeworth to just leave a situation.
Edgeworth wasn't behind the couch or the stack of storage bins. He wasn't under the bathroom sink or on top of the fridge. Finally, Phoenix flicked on the bedroom lamp.
There was Edgeworth, still a cat, lying halfway under the blue fleece blanket that Phoenix had left in a crumpled heap on top of the duvet. When the light turned on, he reached out with his front paws, stretching his fluffy legs out in Phoenix's direction and flashing his many sharp little teeth in a big yawn, and then settled back down like that, flopped out in a long line with his paws over the edge of the bed, never having opened his eyes.
Well, Phoenix had suggested it, but he hadn't thought Edgeworth would actually go to sleep in his bed, even as a cat.
"Edgeworth?" Phoenix said softly. The cat didn't budge or crack an eye. Maybe he really did need the rest. He looked so comfy, so unlike the usual stiff and forbidding Edgeworth, loosely relaxed in a way human limbs could never achieve even on a less uptight guy. He felt that at home in Phoenix's bed? Phoenix tried not to make too much of it. It wasn't like Edgeworth had much choice for where to nap, but he looked adorable there anyway.
Something about looking at that cozy cat snoozing away blissfully made Phoenix want to lie down. The exhaustion of the day's events hit him like a brick wall. There was plenty of room on the bed. Turning the lamp off again, he loosened his tie enough to pull it over his head and unbuttoned his dress shirt on his way around the foot of the bed, where his pajama pants were hanging over the top of the cheap clothes rack his suit usually hung on. He swapped them with his suit pants, and then, in his t-shirt, pajama bottoms, and socks, Phoenix crept onto the bed as softly as he could manage, on top of the duvet, and pulled an edge of the crumpled blanket over himself.
In the city light coming through the open blinds of the bedroom window, Phoenix admired the tufted tips of Edgeworth's pointy little ears and the way the fur along his outstretched legs formed silky shiny ruffles. The cat hadn't moved a muscle except for his sides rising and falling. Eventually, temptation overtook Phoenix again and he started to pet Edgeworth's shoulders. He couldn't quite reach his head.
Edgeworth didn't stir for a few strokes, but then he stood up, arching his back in a luxurious, tremulous stretch. Phoenix withdrew his hand. Had he crossed a line? Edgeworth would probably jump off the bed and go to the couch where Phoenix wouldn't interrupt his sleep.
But he didn't. He circled around, tail waving gracefully, and, while Phoenix held his breath, rubbed his cheek and his side along the half-covered line of Phoenix's legs in a long swipe. Then, nestling into the curve of Phoenix's stomach and chest, Edgeworth flopped over gracelessly, facing generally towards Phoenix but tucking his paw over his face. His tiny pink nose and white whiskers poked out below, and the tip of one fang was showing.
He appeared to be asleep instantly, but Phoenix didn't believe it anymore. As strange as it seemed, Edgeworth was pretty clearly asking for a cuddle.
"You're so passive-aggressive even as a cat," Phoenix mumbled sleepily. He put his hand on Edgeworth's silky-soft side and stroked slowly, occasionally including a little scratch around the ears. After Phoenix's eyes slipped shut, when he was on the edge of sleep, he felt a rumbling purr under his hand.
When Phoenix woke up, he had no idea what time it was, except that it was still dark outside, so he probably wasn't running late yet.
More importantly, the body under his arm was big and broad and not feline. Phoenix's eyes shot fully open. Yeah, that was a human-sized head of tousled grey hair right under Phoenix's nose. It smelled nice and warm and a little sweet, probably from some expensive mousse. Edgeworth was nestled up against him, their legs pressed together, one of Edgeworth's hands loosely gripping a handful of Phoenix's t-shirt. The room felt a little chilly and the blanket was covering little more than their ankles at this point, but the space between them was warm.
Now this was right out of one of Phoenix's daydreams. Cuddling didn't seem like Edgeworth's thing, but it absolutely was Phoenix's. He'd never even gotten up the nerve to spring a friendly bro-hug on Edgeworth, despite being tempted to try every time he saw him. This was not a friendly hug. Phoenix's arm was the whole way around Edgeworth's waist. He could feel Edgeworth's slow breaths puffing warmly against his collarbone. Edgeworth's nose was whistling a little bit. Allergies.
Edgeworth was wearing his entire court suit, even his shoes, which did make it a little weird, but Phoenix wasn't going to complain. Edgeworth could wear whatever he wanted in Phoenix's bed, any time. Phoenix imagined Edgeworth putting on a fresh suit for bedtime and stifled a giggle.
There was no chance Phoenix was gonna fall back asleep, not like this. He just had to stay still so Edgeworth wouldn't wake up and then he could lie here and enjoy...taking advantage of his exhausted best friend's vulnerability.
Okay, but Edgeworth was the one who crawled up against Phoenix like that. It wasn't Phoenix's fault. And Edgeworth needed rest, right? Phoenix shouldn't disturb him.
But then Edgeworth stirred. He took a deeper breath, his leg pressed against Phoenix's shin, and then he started to roll over onto his back. Shit. Phoenix shut his eyes and made his face go slack and tried to project 'asleep'.
Edgeworth gave a small, breathy groan, voice deep, and wow, that was a noise Phoenix would never unhear. With a sound of fabric-on-fabric, Edgeworth's weight shifted, and then stopped conspicuously still.
After a long, painful pause, Edgeworth's warm hand closed around Phoenix's wrist and he lifted Phoenix's arm off of himself.
Phoenix couldn't help twitching in surprise, and Edgeworth felt the tension in his arm, and then they were both very awake, Edgeworth propped up on his elbow and holding Phoenix's hand in the air, Phoenix staring up at him, frozen.
Edgeworth dropped Phoenix's arm and flung himself off the bed. His loafer slipped on the floor and he went down with a bang.
Phoenix scrambled to the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?!"
"I'm fine!" Edgeworth snapped, picking himself up and dusting himself off.
"...Good morning," Phoenix said.
"It's the middle of the night," Edgeworth objected. He adjusted his suit jacket with a sour expression and pointed to Phoenix's alarm clock. "One AM is technically morning, I suppose."
"Well, you're certainly back to your usual self," Phoenix muttered.
Edgeworth stopped and cleared his throat, gathering himself. "Ah, um. Thank you for your help today. I was in quite a predicament with Animal Control."
Phoenix swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "You saved me from a hostage situation. Bailing you out was the absolute least I could do."
"Nonetheless." Edgeworth made brief eye contact through the fall of his messy bangs. "Including the tuna, we can call it even."
"Ha-ha, Edgeworth."
With that all apparently resolved to his satisfaction, Edgeworth turned on his heel and exited the bedroom.
"Hey, hang on, where are you going?" Phoenix asked, following him. He caught Edgeworth by the shoulder.
Edgeworth turned around, crossing his arms stubbornly. "I need to get home. We have to be in court tomorrow morning, have you forgotten?"
"That's it? Don't you need rest?" Phoenix asked, starting to sound plaintive, if not clingy.
Edgeworth pursed his lips and gestured at himself. "I needed rest to transform. I have done so. Now I can rest at home."
"But what was that all about, anyway?" Phoenix could see Edgeworth preparing to tell him it was nothing, so he cut that off before it could start. "Seriously, I want to know. You had me worried. I mean...what if this happens again? I should know what's going on."
"What happens if someone puts a gun to your head in court again?" Edgeworth snorted. "I'll concede that point. With you, such things are common."
"Hey," Phoenix protested, grinning sheepishly. "C'mon then."
It took Edgeworth a moment, but Phoenix could tell he was going to say something. The lights were on in the living room, shining on his rumpled cravat and his face, and Phoenix realized for the first time that it wasn't just the usual dark circles: Edgeworth had a black eye. He really got socked for Phoenix's sake. And he'd been lying about being unhurt. He was looking away from Phoenix now, but in that vulnerable way that preceded some genuine disclosure. "The experience this afternoon rattled me," he admitted. "When my anxiety is very high, it becomes hard to focus on my body, and I can't force myself to shift. And it seems my subconscious prefers the smaller form when I feel threatened."
"Oh, right. Well, you did pounce on a guy with a gun." Phoenix rubbed his chin. "Isn't that a bit too obvious to warrant the dramatic pause?"
Edgeworth grimaced. "Not that. After that. After they caught me."
"Huh? Was it the cat carrier? That was a pretty small enclosed space...and it must shake around when someone's carrying you." Kind of like an elevator in an earthquake.
"Yes, it turns out I don't enjoy being confined in a cat carrier," Edgeworth said tartly. "Also, they took me down in the actual courthouse elevator."
"Yikes," said Phoenix.
"Quite." Edgeworth fidgeted with the sleeve of his jacket. "I admit I was disturbed by seeing you in that situation, as well."
Was Edgeworth starting to blush? Phoenix went goopy. "Aww. You looked so calm about it. I swear I had no idea."
Edgeworth cuffed him lightly upside the head. "Just don't give me cause to do this again. Goodnight, Phoenix." He turned to the door and opened the deadbolt.
"It's one AM and your car isn't here," Phoenix pointed out. "Plus, I bought you takeout. It's in the fridge."
Edgeworth glared sideways at him. "What, do you want me to stay the night now?"
"Yes," Phoenix said breathlessly.
Edgeworth made a choking noise and ducked his head. "D-don't be ridiculous! I need to...to change my clothes. For court — this suit is a wreck, I'll need a different one, and I don't have my pajamas, so I c-can't — "
"Okay, okay, easy there," Phoenix said, laughing nervously. Way to come on too strong, dipshit. "Just, uh, let me call you a cab, okay? You can sort out your bedhead while I'm at it."
With another grumble, Edgeworth stomped across to Phoenix's tiny bathroom and closed himself in. Phoenix took a breath, slapped himself in the head for being an idiot, and called a cab.
When Edgeworth emerged, his face pink and damp and his hair halfway fixed, Phoenix handed him the bag containing baked ziti and a side salad from the fridge. "Take your food, I doubt half a can of tuna will tide you over all night."
Edgeworth took the bag, standing awkwardly on the doormat. "Thanks."
"Taxi should be here any second. Do you need fare?"
Edgeworth pulled his wallet out of his trouser pocket, waved it, and tucked it away again. Where did his stuff go while he was a cat, then? "I meant to say, I do appreciate the...hospitality, Wright." Edgeworth had never sounded more constipated in his life. "Along with the rest of it."
"Hey, we're even, right?" Phoenix recognized an olive branch when he saw it. "I'll take a rain check on the sleepover, but you ever need to hide somewhere and calm down, you call me." The urge to pet sneaked up on Phoenix again. He reached up and stroked Edgeworth's bangs away from his face. Soft!
Edgeworth scoffed. "I do have my own apartment." He'd just allowed the touch like it was normal. Or like he liked it, but wouldn't say so.
He seemed to be waiting for Phoenix to release him, though, so Phoenix opened the door and held it for him. "'Night, Edgeworth."
"...But I'll keep it in mind," Edgeworth said as he walked out.