Chapter Text
Carlos sat in p12, trying his best not to fume as he made a feeble attempt to warm up his tires on the formation lap. Lando was only a few places behind him. They both had a lot of ground to make up.
He was still mad about the penalty. And even more so that there were people who thought he deserved it.
Just prove them wrong, Lando had told him earlier today. I believe in you.
Even though they hadn’t been able to see each other as much as they would have liked, Lando had been nothing but supportive, sending him encouraging messages while his aches and pains slowly subsided.
Carlos pulled up to his starting spot. He could prove them wrong.
The lights went out. He stepped on the accelerator.
Almost immediately there was a virtual safety car. Carlos kept his eyes on the track. Stay focused. Stay focused.
“Yellow flag, yellow flag,” his engineer said. “Safety car.”
“What happened?”
“Norris spun into the barrier on turn twelve.”
Carlos squeezed his steering wheel tighter, willing his hands to remain steady. He swallowed thickly, trying to get some moisture back into his mouth. “Is he okay?”
“I will get back to you.”
The track was never silent. There were always the sounds of the cars, the fans, his engineers. But as Carlos waited for confirmation that Lando was okay, all the noise around him dulled, He could just barely stay focused on the car in front of him as they lined up behind the safety car.
They looped around the track again. As turn twelve approached Carlos had to squeeze his hands further into the steering wheel to keep his bearings. His radio was still unusually silent. Everything was silent.
He risked a glance at turn twelve. He could just make out an orange car smashed against the barriers, flashing lights, a medical car. But no driver.
Carlos clenched his jaw. He moved his shaking hand towards the radio button on his steering wheel. They should know by now if Lando was okay. They should-
“He’s okay.”
The sounds of the track flooded into Carlos’s ears once again. “Good.”
He placed his hand back firmly on the wheel, gripping it tightly. He didn’t believe Lando. Not fully. Something about the incident was rubbing him the wrong way.
He took the next turn and his stomach twisted. He didn’t need this right now. Lando said he was okay. Lando was okay. Lando would never forgive himself if he was the reason Carlos fucked up the race. Lando was okay. Lando was okay and he had cars to overtake.
Lando was okay and right now he had to be okay too.
The safety car went in and once again, Carlos stepped on the accelerator.
- ••
He finished p6. It wasn’t much, but it was better than twelfth. And he had finished ahead of both Mercedes, which did feel good.
But he couldn’t celebrate. Not yet. He needed to find Lando.
He walked to the Ferrari garage. He wanted to go straight to McLaren, but that would be too suspicious. If he could just get to his phone. Or his engineer. Maybe both.
“Carlos!”
He stopped in his tracks.
“George.” George was not Lando. He needed to get to Lando.
“That was a good race mate! I really…”
Carlos tried his best to listen. He really did. But his hands were shaking again. Just slightly, beneath his gloves. He needed to get to the garage, he needed to message Lando.
“Carlos!”
He whipped his head around. Someone was calling him from the garage. He said something to George, possibly a goodbye, before walking towards the Ferrari garage.
“Carlos!”
A new voice. How did so many people need him at once? “Look, I really need to-”
“Carlos.” The same voice again. And it sounded like-
“Oscar.”
It was Oscar. Still in his fireproofs, looking like he had just sprinted across the paddock. Why was he here? He should be in his own garage at McLaren with his team and-
“Lando,” Carlos said. “Oscar, how is Lando?”
“They told me he’s okay,” Oscar said.
Carlos frowned, his hands shaking inside of his gloves, stomach twisting. “He’s not back yet?”
Now it was Oscar’s turn to frown. “No. That’s what I wanted to tell you. They said he was taken to the hospital. Precautionary.”
Carlos said nothing.
Lando. Hospital. Precautionary.
His hands shook.
This track had claimed both of them.
“Something about needing x rays.” Oscar was still talking. “But he’s okay.”
Carlos tried to respond. But nothing came out.
Oscar reached for his hand. It was still shaking. “Hey, did you hear me? I said he’s okay.”
“Carlos!” From the garage again. He had to go.
“I- um- thank you Oscar,” he managed to mutter before turning back to the garage.
He tolerated the pats on the back, forced himself to smile and nod at his engineers, to chime in every now and then. But he wanted to get to his phone.
Finally, finally they told him he could go change to get ready for his interview in the media pen. He made a beeline for his room, pulling out his phone and turning it on. Whatsapp loaded slowly, messages trickling in from everyone except the one person he wanted to hear from.
And then a photo loaded from Lando’s trainer. He was on a stretcher, still in his fireproofs, dazed and delirious.
He wanted me to send you this, the message read. He’s okay.
That was what everyone kept telling him, Lando is okay. If Lando was okay, why didn't he believe them? People who were okay did not get sent to hospitals and get pumped with pain medication.
What had happened for Lando to end up here? He rarely DNFed, he hasn't since last season. Carlos hadn’t seen the crash footage yet and at this point he wasn’t sure that he wanted to.
His phone buzzed.
It was from Lando.
hey! did you see my picture :)
A wave of relief rushed through Carlos. But before he could respond Lando was typing again.
i probably look stoned off my ass lol they gave me some good shit
but im ok!
it probably looked worse than it was
how did the race go?
And wasn’t that exactly like Lando to ask about Carlos and how he was doing when he was the one in the hospital.
Race was fine. Carlos responded. How are you?
mate i already said im ok smh
Carlos laughed. He couldn’t help himself. This must have been how Lando felt the other night in his hotel room. There was nothing funny about the situation, but it was such a normal thing for Lando to say. Maybe he was okay.
and theyre almost done with me, so ill be back soon
thank fuck cause im bored as hell
you should stop worrying and go do your interviews you're avoiding
i bet you're hiding in your room
As if you didn’t do the same thing the other night.
excuse you i made it through debrief. i bet you're still in your fireproofs.
Carlos did not respond because Lando was absolutely correct.
i knew it :)
Carlos smiled. His hands had briefly stopped shaking. He took a deep breath. They were going to start wondering where he was soon.
You promise you’re okay?
yes, but you wont be if you keep media waiting much longer
He was right again, unfortunately.
I’ll see you at your hotel room later, Carlos said. You have no say.
like i was going to fight you on that
now go!
Carlos hesitated, torn between wanting to text Lando more and knowing that he still had things to do and Lando probably needed rest.
He put down his phone and began taking off his fireproofs. Lando was okay and he had interviews to do. Lando was okay and he had debriefs to get through. Lando was okay. For right now that was enough.
- ••
In the end, Lando made it back to the paddock. Carlos saw him from a distance. Still in his fireproofs, wearing a McLaren jacket that was definitely too big to be his. He was walking, but was still flanked by his trainer and his dad.
Of course he had still wanted to go to the debrief. Carlos was sure they had probably given him the option of returning to the paddock or going to his hotel. And knowing Lando he probably thought that he had disappointed everyone by crashing and didn’t want to disappoint them more by not attending debrief.
In a way, Carlos was glad he had made it back. It was comforting to see him in one piece, walking on his own. By now he had seen the crash footage and he had listened to Lando’s radio. It had been a lot to take in, he hadn’t been able to stop from shaking while watching it. But seeing him now, even across the paddock, calmed him.
Lando happened to look up, making eye contact with Carlos. He gave him a small smile and a wink. And deep down, Carlos knew everything was going to be okay.
That still didn’t stop him from making a beeline to Lando’s hotel room as soon as he got back though.
He didn’t even bother to drop off his own bag before knocking on Lando’s door.
“It’s open!”
Carlos pushed open the door tentatively, almost afraid at what he might find. Perhaps earlier in the paddock had all been a PR show and Lando really wasn’t fine. He could have been faking it for the cameras. And he hadn’t even gotten up to answer the door himself.
“What are you afraid I’m going to bite you? Get in here.”
Carlos shook his head and pushed the door open fully, stepped in and then shut and locked it behind him.
Lando was laying on the bed, propped up against several pillows. Someone had finally helped him get out of his fireproofs and he was wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. He looked tired, but in one piece. Carlos wanted to run straight over and make sure he was okay. But that was not what he did.
“Why is your door unlocked?” Carlos asked, setting his bag down on the floor.
“My parents just left and I knew you were coming and I didn’t want to get up again.”
“Someone could have broken in. Why would you risk that?”
Lando rolled his eyes. “What is this, twenty questions?”
“Yes,” Carlos smiled softly. “The next one is can I join you?”
“Only if you’re careful.”
Lando’s response was enough to make his hands shake again. Why would he need to be careful? Was it really that bad?
Still, he took off his shoes and climbed onto the bed. Lando put down his phone and stared at him.
“Can I hug you?” Carlos knew he probably shouldn’t ask, if Lando had already told him to be careful with him then hugging him would probably hurt and he didn’t want to hurt him, but he was also selfish. He needed to feel Lando in his arms to know that he was truly okay.
Lando nodded.
Gently, Carlos wrapped his arms around Lando, guiding Lando’s chin onto his chest. He was warm. It would have been like any other hug except for-
“You’re shaking,” Carlos whispered, as if talking normally would make it worse. “Why are you shaking?”
“Probably just adrenaline still,” Lando said, making no effort to move away from Carlos. “It was a big impact.”
Carlos hummed. He had seen Lando’s hands shaking on the steering wheel after the crash, but he shouldn't still be shaking now.
“You’re shaking too,” Lando said. “Your hands.”
“I’m worried.”
Lando scoffed. “I said I was okay.”
“Okay people don’t have to go to hospitals and are still shaking hours later,” Carlos said.
“See!” Lando pulled away from Carlos too quickly and winced. “Now you know how I felt the other night.”
“That is besides the point Lando. And I was not in the hospital.”
“And I said I am okay,” he repeated. “They cleared me to drive next week. Everything’s fine, I’m just bruised and sore.”
“Then why did they bring you to the hospital?” Carlos pulled Lando back into his chest, running light fingers through his hair. One by one, his fingers stopped shaking.
“X rays. I was winded and they wanted to make sure none of my ribs were broken.”
Carlos frowned. “That was all?”
“They wanted to keep me for observation, give me pain meds, blah blah blah,” Lando sighed. “It wasn’t that much different from Spa. And honestly, I don’t remember most of it”
Carlos’s stomach twisted again. The crash had been alarmingly similar to Spa. In fact, that had been the first thing he thought of when he watched the replay. The way his car had spun out, the way it had knocked the air out of Carlos’s chest both times.
“I think this might have been worse than Spa, Lando.”
Lando hummed in silent agreement and Carlos felt his heart sink.
“What about you?” Lando asked. “How was your race? You weren’t in pain, right?
“No, I was okay,” Carlos shrugged. “P6. I finished above both Mercedes.”
“Hell yeah mate!” Lando held out his hand for a weak high five. “I knew you could do it. I bet Toto’s fucking pissed.”
Carlos threaded their fingers together. Lando was still shaking slightly.
“I don't think Vegas likes us very much,” Carlos said.
Lando chuckled. “No shit. First you hit the manhole and then I hit the bump. It’s a miracle neither of us died.”
“Don’t say that,” Carlos said, his hand tightening around Lando’s. “Please Lando.”
“Okay, okay.” His words are joking, but Carlos can sense the fear behind them. Maybe he hasn’t fully processed it yet either.
“Do you need anything?” Carlos asked. “Did they give you pain medication to take?”
“Yes but I can’t take any more tonight,” Lando said. “And I don’t need anything, my parents already fussed over me. I just want to go to sleep.”
“We can do that,” Carlos said. “Do you want a tshirt?”
“Yes please,” Lando said quickly, but then looked down, embarrassed.
“What is it, Lando?”
“You’re going to have to help me,” he whispered. “And there’s a lot of bruises. I promise it looks worse than it is.”
Carlos tried to ignore the last bit as he got up to grab Lando a shirt. “You helped me, now it’s my turn.”
Lando pushed himself up to sit and allowed Carlos to maneuver him out of his sweatshirt. It takes longer than it should and Carlos can tell that Lando is trying to swallow down pained noises the whole time.
The sweatshirt finally comes off, revealing Lando’s bruised chest. They are big and dark, in the outline of his seatbelt. It goes across both of his collar bones, onto his neck and there are some up his shoulder. Carlos can see the rise and fall of his chest now. It’s shallow, as if breathing too deeply is still painful.
Carlos feels his heart break. “Lando-“
“Don’t,” Lando whispered. “Just don’t. I’m okay, I promise. I just need rest. Next week I’ll be kicking your ass for 4th.”
And this time, Carlos did his best to believe him.
He guided the shirt carefully over Lando’s head and before long he was turning off the light and tucking them both in. Lando needed the rest, hell, both of them needed the rest.
He tucked Lando carefully against his chest, running his fingers through his hair as his breathing evens out.
Carlos stopped shaking first, but he didn't breathe a sigh of relief until Lando did as well.
They will both be okay. Of course they will be, they have each other.
Carlos wrapped his arm gently around Lando’s waist and tucked his nose into his hair. Lando was okay. He was okay.
And right now that was all he needed.