Work Text:
Grian hasn't struggled with regressing in a really long time.
Most of the time it's either voluntary, and even sometimes planned, other times he feels the fuz creep up on him and he gives into it, he was even getting better at alerting a Caregiver and asking for help, even if it was hard, and he was sometimes to scared to.
He was getting healthier. It was getting easier.
For him to suddenly drop so hard like he was right now was terrifying for him, he felt so alone and out of control of his emotions and actions that he couldn't even fathom calling anyone for help.
He doesn't want any of his friends to see him like this after he had been doing so well for so long.
He feared the disappointment on Suma's, Iskall's, or Mumbos face. The sadness from pearl or the silent treatment from cleo, or cub.
Even the thought sent him spiraling further, hyperventilating. He is dropping so small so quickly he can't help but cry, chest heaving, he struggles breathing sharp ragged breaths, in between painfull sobs, and wet coughing.
His hands grip his hair on the sides of his head, he thinks it probably hurts and he should definitely stop before he accidentally pulls chunks of his hair out, but that's washed away by another wave of wails and choked sobbing.
Everything was crumbling around him, and he was so overwhelmed by his thoughts he didn't know what to do. He was just a little kid, mentally at least. He didn't know how to handle so many scary feelings all by himself.
Everything is blurry because he is crying so much it's obstructing his vision, and hurting his head. He hears a faint ringing sound and his head is throbbing.
The meltdown he was having was only made worse when accompanied by the fact that grian thought he was being bad.
He knew he was supposed to reach out when he slipped especially if he dropped and needed help, but he was also scared upon the disappointment he'd face upon being seen in a state like this after so long.
He is at an entire loss for what to do, he absolutely can't reach out right now, so he just falls back on his old ways, what can he say, old habits die hard.
He sits in the dark alone of his bedroom, dropping too little and to suddenly to do anything but painfully sob until he struggles to Breathe and ends up falling asleep.
He expects that is how his day is going to go, it hurts, knowing he is basically relapsing into old, unhealthy behavior, and he cringed at how upset suma would be with him when he found out he dropped on his own. He didn't want to think about that.
His heart sinks down to bedrock when he hears his door rattling open and he resumes hyperventilating even harder, in more panicked, staggered breaths as he watches none other than suma himself appear in his field of vision.
His hands only pull tighter on his hair, he can't breath. He doesn't want to see how suma is looking at him. He doesn't think he could handle the disappointment.
Xisuma probably had some important reason to be here, he needs grian to be big, he wouldn't just be here for no reason, and he had no idea he was small so he wouldn't be here to comfort him.
"Im- m' so-rry" He says, choking through the words. He wants to be able to help the man in front of him, he wants to be able to be big when he is needed. He feels so guilty and now suma is mad at him and doesn't love him anymore and none of it is rational but nothing about anything he is feeling is rational, he just wants his suma to hold him and love him even though he's been bad and he doesnt deserve it.
He thinks he may be talking to him but he can't register anything he is saying, he opens his eyes through messy tears and suma is looking at him like he is the only thing in the world.
His hands have long since pried grians out of his hair and have just been holding him, providing that little bit of grounding contact, but not enough to be overwhelming, just in case.
Xisuma remembers how differently grian could react to touch back when meltdowns were common pretty much whenever he slipped, he would either desperately cling to the man or hissed and screamed like his touch burned.
He knew that was just because of how much he was hurting and he had no intention on making his spiral worse, but he needed to get to the bottom of why grian was breaking down so messily– He was sure something had to have upset him and it made him feel horrible.
"Grian, my sweet, baby boy, what wrong?" He asks as gently as he can speak. He takes a gamble, reaching a hand to wipe the tears, which seemed like a good move because grian pushed himself into the touch like he needed it.
Suma then opens his arms for grian to hug him, and he does. He remembers distantly suma telling him that no matter what if he ever needed a hug, even if he thought suma was upset with him, that he could always ask for one and he would recieve it, so without further justification he throws himself into sumas arms and sobs into him while clinging on to his arms.
"S-suma" He cries out wanting so badly to be able to speak out properly, however his brain is unable to form coherent words.
He shushes him, sneaking a hand behind him to rub circles into his back, and another to the top of his head pulling grians face toward his chest.
"It's okay baby bird just relax, everything is okay. I have you."
Xisuma keeps mumbling encouraging words that truly make grian feel so much better. Surely he wouldn't be being so kind just to dicieve grian, and suma was always so patient and kind when he cried like this before.
"Your doing such a good job gri, I know it must be so scary for such a little thing, all by yourself, I'm so proud of you."
The reasurance hits him in the gut. He just wants to be taken care of.
"I know sunshine, I'm here now don't worry."
He isn't sure if suma is just still spilling out more encouraging words for the sake of it or if he had accidentally said something out loud he hadn't meant to, but either way he eventually begins copying sumas breathing, suma who had caught on to this, began breathing a bit more dramatically to help him.
Soon he was no longer hyperventilating, nor shedding new tears, he was closing his eyes suddenly hit by post-breakdown exhaustiond, as suma wiped the tears still wet on his face.
"You tired, bubs?" He asks gently rubbing his back. Grian just nods, mumbling quietly; " t' hurts" suma coos at how fragile and small grian looks in his arms.
"I'm sure it does, after such a hard cry, huh? Do you want lay down?" Grian sniffles, and looks up at him.
"Suma mad?" He asks trembling.
He looks shoked at the question.
"Me? Mad at my favorite little bird? Why I would never" He gasps, hugging grian so tight he was afraid he might pop.
This causes the same effect he expected, grian giggling, albeit a bit dryly due to dehydration, most likley. "Alright, birdie. Tell ya what, change into some comfy clothes, and I'll get you a drink and a snack, I'm sure you need it after such a rough morning?"
Grian looks behind him to the sun shining out the window. "Mornin" he repeats, as suma walks out the door.
He returns with a sipy cup filled with water, along with some strawberries and a banana.
The proud look on his face when he returns to see grian wearing pajama pants and a soft, large, and quite thick hoodie was unmatched.
They were the comfiest clothes grian owned, he usually preferred them over any sort of littlespace clothes offered to him.
He ruffles his hair before sitting on the bed with him. "Alright time for an age check" He says softly, placing the plate down next to him, giving grian a moment to chug the water he clearly needed.
Once he does, his hands tremble as he tries to put the cup down.
"Um" it takes him several moments– having never been very good at telling a specific age, he usually gives a range. Or an example number, whatever felt right he supposed.
He wasn't really sure. He had been quite small while crying but with sumas presence he already felt a bit older, however he had no quarrels with the idea of allowing himself to skip younger.
If he was stressed enough to drop like this he probably needed it. Suma probably knew that too.
"Um- I 'unno" He answers truthfully, he doesn't want to think about that anymore, it makes his head hurt. He makes a funny face to express this, and suma chuckles.
"Alrighty, i take it you might need some help huh?" He moves grians hair away from his eyes to get a clear view of his face, he moves the cup to his bedside table and holds a strawberry up to his mouth.
"Open wide" he smiles, and grian does so, eyes wide. He bites the thing all the way through, impressing suma a bit, who just placed the calyx of the strawberry on the plate, grabbing another.
He feeds the rest of them to him, not failing to notice how sleepy he is getting. He's truly surprised grian made it through the whole plate, placing the banana to the side for later as he can barley keep his eyes open.
"You feeling better bub?" He asks, rubbing grians shoulder, he nods, his head falling into the pillow. xisuma doesn't regret not asking him what was wrong. That can wait for later.
He smiles, standing up to exit the room, rolling his eyes fondly as grian weakly held on to his hand, silently asking him to stay.
He sighs but it's so fond and full of love that grian smiles a bit, as he feels him quickly give in laying down by his side.
He doses off to the feeling or sumas hand rubbing circles into his shoulder with his thumb, full of nothing but pure love for the mentally older.
"Sweet dreams pesky bird".