Chapter Text
"....it would be wrong of me- no, just...wrong in general to say I miss anyone the most." She began. "But if there's anyone I think about most nowadays, it would probably be Fleep...and Queenie."
Pomni blinks at her. Ragatha knew that was a name she hadn't heard yet. "Queenie?"
"....she and Kinger arrived together, they'd told me. They...were married, before this place. It was one of the few things they knew for certain before the rest of their lives started to slip away." She explained. A ghost of a laugh escaped her. "You should've seen them, Pomni, back in the day. They were adorable together."
Memories flash in her mind. It was a comfort, back then, seeing them. Two people who had each other. It softened the hard edge of this place, seeing such a sickly sweet married couple inhabiting it.
....bittersweet, now. She pushed the feeling to the side.
Pomni's smile is weak. "What was...Kinger like, back then?" She asks, tentative.
"I wouldn't say he's unhappy, now, but...happier. He had a...leader-like quality about him." She smiled softly at that. "Him and Queenie both, really. They took a lot of responsibility for this whole situation. I never really knew why."
The jester's brow furrowed. "It's....hard to imagine. Kinger, in charge...and people being ok with it."
A sad truth, now. Pomni had only seen him like this. "The two of them were the backbone of this place...my load was lighter, back then." Nostalgia clouded her mind, but it was a comforting haze. "It wasn't always just me who people came to, for this kind of thing." She admitted.
Queenie had been better at it than she ever was. But maybe that was her nostalgia talking.
".....oh." Came the quiet reply, faint with surprise. "She was like this, too?"
Ragatha made a face. "Like this?" She repeated, perplexed by the other's phrasing and tone.
Pomni's eyes went wide with panic. "Ah! I mean, I didn't mean anything bad by that, I promise!"
She was so skittish, as if she was afraid of offending her. But Ragatha had no reason to assume any ill intent, not from Pomni. "I know, hun. It's alright. Technically speaking, neither of us were 'like this' back then. It was more...balanced, when there were two of us."
She looks down at their joined hands. A gesture like this wasn't impossible to imagine, back then. It was frequent, even. "We had a lot in common. A lot to talk about. When this place weighed down on us, we could confide in each other. And she had Kinger, and his optimism. Hard to stay too upset about anything, with him around."
"....you bore the weight together." She murmured in understanding. "Kinger....said you've always been eager to help people. It scared me to think that you've always been....alone in it. I'm glad you weren't."
"It's not...foreign, the idea of sharing my burdens. It just....." She trailed off with a frown. "......got quite a bit harder, when Queenie.....abstracted." It was such a terrible word. Not dead, but how else was she meant to feel about it, when she'd never see the other again?
It must show on her face, because Pomni squeezes her hand again. "I'm sorry. If you've been here so long, you....must've seen a lot of that, huh? I can't imagine. Did..." Their gazes met again, Pomni's softly concerned expression giving her out-of-place butterflies. "....did they all hurt you, like Kaufmo did, when...?"
Ragatha blinked the pressure out of her eye, at that. Rapidly. "Oh, no, that's....that's a fringe case. Most of them I wasn't there for...at least during the initial discovery. Maybe it's....surprising for you to hear, but half the time they're not even violent at all."
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's...different. Barkley and Strings crowded me, poked and prodded, but they didn't throw me around like Kaufmo did." Her brow furrowed at the memory. She'd thought they'd seemed distressed, at the time. The noisy static emanating from their bodies overpowering her senses as they glitched her out with contact barely even hostile. Abstractions couldn't talk. She wondered if they'd been trying to.
She shook her head. Good memories, good memories. Focus on the good. Talk about them fondly, not with regret. "You know, you wouldn't guess it, but Jax actually had a soft spot for the two of them. Never did a single cruel thing to them, not once." She said.
Pomni lets out a laugh. It sounded nervous, almost. "Yeah, I wouldn't guess that." She agreed. "I...I figured he wasn't always like this, but..." She trailed off. Eyebrows bunching together as she went quiet.
Ragatha wondered what was going on inside her head. She keeps talking to fill the silence. "He...I doubt his campfire story was true....but Strings rescuing him is definitely something he would do. They were both pretty mischievous, but they never pranked each other. They were practically brothers."
Pomni's free hand came up to rub her cheek, eyes narrowing a little. ".....I tried to ask Jax about Strings, in the maze. He said, like, one thing and then changed the subject. Said he didn't miss him."
A sad thing to hear. Jax was almost never candid, so she doubted the sentiment was true...but he was detached, now, like the rest of them.
She remembered him sobbing, at the time, when the pair had gone to the cellar together. It might've been the last time she'd ever seen him cry.
She cleared her throat and continued. "When Barkley came here, and got so attached to Strings, Jax was jealous for a little while. But he won him over eventually. He third-wheeled sometimes, but a lot of the time they were a trio."
Pomni smiled, at that. "...that sounds nice."
Ragatha mirrored it. "It was. Like I said, it used to be easier. But right now, we're..." Her smile slipped, uncertain. She was having trouble, figuring out how to phrase things.
".....not very emotionally well-adjusted?" The jester offered. "K-Kinger said that, earlier."
A faint laugh. Not quite amused, but it wasn't a sad sound. "He can be pretty perceptive when he wants to be."
Pomni gave another small smile, at that. "He...talked a lot of sense into me. I don't know if I'd have ever left that room without him and Zooble's help." Her brow furrowed. "I need to be braver..."
Ragatha squinted a little. "Whatever Jax knows really has you scared, huh?" She remarked.
Immediately Pomni's face alights with blue, and her eyes widen dramatically. She pulls her hand from her grip and yanks on her hat bells. "....ohhh [BWOOP] he still knows. What do I do?!" She whispered in muted horror.
She missed the other's touch, already. But it would be improper to linger on it right now.
Ragatha held her own hands, rested them in her lap. Gentle now, careful. The other was skittish when stressed. "Pomni, whatever it is...know that I won't judge you." She assured. "If...if the timing comes down to you saying it or him I'm sure you'd prefer-"
Somehow her face went bluer. "Nnnnononono no, no, I can't....!" She abruptly cut herself off, burying her face in her hands. "I'm not, no, I'm not ready at all and I don't know if I ever will be." She groaned into the gloves.
"....you might not have a choice, dear. Whatever you did that made him leave might not work a second time." She pointed out.
Another groan, and then the other took a deep breath. Another. Eased whatever stress had entered her brain. Refocused her gaze on Ragatha. "I'm...I'm gonna cross or burn that bridge later. I'd...prefer if we kept talking about what we were talking about. I-if you're still ok with that."
Deflection, from Pomni this time. Ragatha was a professional at that so there was no mistaking what it was, although this time was pretty blatant and hard to miss. She wanted to pry, but...it would be insensitive, right now, and a bit hypocritical. They both had their issues, to be sure....but Ragatha's were far more overdue for addressing; she wasn't so naive as to keep denying that.
....and it was nice, talking to Pomni like this. Sharing the good times, with someone who wasn't desensitized to the bad yet.
"...okay. Hmm....Maggie. I can talk about Maggie. They were always overeager when it came to the adventures. Treated everything like a contest. I...wasn't annoyed by it, necessarily, but it got to a point of toxicity more than a few times." She heaved out a sigh. "It's tough reassuring someone who's both a sore loser and a sore winner."
"Yeah, that sounds rough." Pomni's expression went sheepish. "I-I'm sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say than that....I'm not really very good at this..."
Ragatha found it disheartening how quick she was to make that call. "That's not true at all, Pomni. You're doing great, I promise."
Her brow furrowed. "Are you sure?"
"I am. It's...nice, like I said, just having your input. Having an outside voice at all is helping me sort out how I feel. I appreciate it." She paused. Hoping it wasn't too weird to say, she continued, "...I appreciate you."
She sees Pomni blush fiercely, at that. Her wide eyes blinked a few times, owlish. Was it wishful thinking, to hope it was more than embarrassment?
It didn't matter. She meant it, whether or not Pomni felt the same.
Back on topic. "A-anyhow..." She cleared her throat, just a touch nervous. She just had to trust that Pomni would let her know if she said or did something that made her uncomfortable. Learning curve, not being so careful as to ask every time. "It was different, depending on the adventure. If there was only one winner, they were willing to do just about anything to be it. But...sometimes we'd get grouped up in teams. Maggie barely cared about being the winner, in those cases; it was all about making their teammates succeed. They'd throw a fit if they lost, sure, but always on their teammates' behalf. Accuse the other team of cheating, demand their friends received a reward because they deserve it."
Maggie had never given anything but their 100%. It felt nice, being on teams with them. The competitive enthusiasm was contagious. Ragatha wouldn't call herself sporty, really, but it was hard not to feel it when Maggie was cheering her on.
There was warmth in her chest.
"...what did they look like?" Pomni asked.
"Big pink cyclops. They had a lot of trouble, initially, with the lack of depth perception. I could relate." She replied, gesturing to her own button-eye with a faint smile.
Pomni smiled, too. "I wondered about that but I never thought to ask. What was that like?"
Ragatha chuckled. "Too be entirely honest, I barely remember. I've been here a bit too long to recall what having both is like."
"Huh. Right, yeah, that makes more sense." She admitted. "That's probably better than not being used to it, I guess..."
"Mm-hm! It doesn't make much of a difference in a place like this, I imagine. Plus, compared to Strings and Fleep, I definitely got off easy in the body shape department." Ragatha explained.
She thought about that, sometimes. Most of them ended up as vaguely humanoid in terms of posture. Zooble was drastic, but at least he was still bipedal. But it wasn't a given, that everyone would be.
"Strings was a squirmle, right...I can't imagine how freaked out I would've been had I lost all my limbs when I got here." Pomni commented. Her hand came up to stroke her chin thoughtfully.
Ragatha couldn't help but let out a snort. "Squirmle?" She prompted. A word so unexpectedly silly she couldn't help but call attention to it.
Pomni pouted. Honest-to-god pouted, puffing out her cheeks and everything. Ragatha almost missed what she said because she was taken aback by how cute a sight it was. "Why doesn't anyone else call them that...? Jax made fun of me too when I said that."
"Oh no, I wasn't making fun of you!" Ragatha quickly clarified. "I think it's cute. It's a cute word."
Once again she was worried she was overstepping. Pomni averted her gaze with a blush, but didn't say or do anything else that indicated any discomfort with her.
Was she doing this right? What was she even trying to do?
Pomni cleared her throat. "Uh, um, wh-what about Fleep? I know what kind of body shape Strings had because it's not hard to imagine, but what made Fleep shaped weird?" She questioned, a prompt to continue what they were talking about.
Ragatha cleared her throat, too. Right. "Well, like I said earlier, she didn't have any arms or legs. She looked like a sock puppet, sort of. A little sock puppet mouse. So she slid around on the floor like Kinger does...or hopped if she was trying to move faster." She described. Despite not having legs to do so, Fleep was clumsy enough to trip and fall, when hopping.
An easy thing to remedy. She found herself carrying Fleep semi-frequently. Aid freely given and sorely appreciated.
Her chest feels funny. "...I think she was the least-conveniently made, out of all of us." She continues. "It...always made me sad, seeing her struggle. Strings took to slithering quickly, and Barkley had little trouble adjusting to walking on all fours...but the only options Fleep had were cumbersome and inefficient."
Pomni's brow furrowed, at that. "I bet that was frustrating." She commented, voice gentle with pity.
Ragatha nodded, frown developing on her face as more memories came to her. "She was also hollow, to an extent. Open on the bottom...like a sock puppet usually is. Jax's favorite thing to do to her was pick her up and pull her over other people's heads like a sack to blind them." She shook her head a little. "Frustrating for everyone involved, not just her."
"....jerk." Grumbled Pomni in reply, expression going angry.
Ragatha berated herself for a second, internally, at drifting away from happy memories again. "W-well, it wasn't all bad! She figured out eventually that she could...pilot? Manikins when she was on their heads." She explained swiftly.
Fun day, that was, when it was discovered. Fleep hadn't taken advantage of it much, though. Felt it was...a waste. Hadn't been able to explain to Ragatha as to why. Got quiet when pressed about it.
"...really? How does that even work?" Pomni inquired, successfully distracted from her anger. She tilted her head a little, curiosity shining in her pinwheel eyes.
So cute.
Ragatha found her own smile returning, seeing Pomni look at her like that. "Mostly it was just...tilting herself around and letting gravity do the steering for her. The manikins mostly just walk forward, so all she had to do was guide them when they did move."
"Huh. That's neat. Did she ever try to do that when Jax put her on other people's heads?"
A more specific memory sparked in her mind at that. A smile slowly spread on her face, amused at the recollection. "Do you have time for a story? Because I have a story for that."
Pomni blinked at her, and then gave a timid smile of her own. "Well...yeah, of course I have time.....there's nothing...." She trailed off, smile slipping into something uncertain. But she shook herself out of it quickly, looking back at her. "Nothing but time. Go ahead."
She was wringing her hands. Ragatha wished she was still holding them. She didn't act on the desire. Instead she took a moment to gather her thoughts in quiet.
"....I guess to start with, this was after Gangle got here, but before Zooble. A little before Strings and Barkley abstracted." She explained.
"...it's starting to sound like Zooble's missed a lot." Pomni remarked.
"Yeah, they're...the newest, aside from you. But they've still been here a few years by now." Ragatha cleared her throat as she continued. "Anyway, it was after the adventure, that day. I think it was...some big board game, Caine had us do. We were the pieces. No one got hurt, but everyone was exhausted." Not to say it wasn't close, the whole time. Ragatha herself had managed to only narrowly avoid tearing her stitching, that day.
Pomni nodded.
"Kinger was talking to Barkley, I think....and while he was distracted, Strings scooped up Fleep and slithered off with her. Gangle nearly got knocked over, when he went by." She gave a faint grin, recalling another tidbit. "Strings was much more...careful, with his pranks than Jax was. He tried very hard to not break her mask." She explained. "Not to say Jax did that much, back then. But he didn't go out of his way to avoid it." She gave a sad shake of her head. "It's easy for it to happen on accident."
"....it sucks that she doesn't have much agency about that." Pomni said, quiet. "Has...has the tragedy mask ever broken?"
Ragatha shook her head. "Not that I can remember. It's cracked, once or twice, but never broken all the way like the comedy mask does."
"Mm. S-sorry, continue."
A gentle smile. So polite. "Anyhow, that got Barkley's attention real quick. It's funny how serious he was, all things considered. You wouldn't expect it, looking at him. Strings was ready to immediately cave and put Fleep down the moment Barkley expressed his disappointment. But, of course, Jax isn't convinced nearly that easily by anyone, so he snatched her."
"How was Strings holding her, anyway? Since he didn't have limbs."
"He just kind of...got under her and scooped with the end of his face. So she was just sitting on his head like a beanie, really. Until Jax grabbed her the only thing keeping her there was the fear of falling."
The jester's brow furrowed. "I guess...hm. I'm trying to not make assumptions. But anyone helping Jax be cruel to people....it's not a very good impression."
An understandable stance to have, considering her perspective. "Like I said, he wasn't always as...like this as he is right now. He used to back off the moment he went too far. If we asked." Her chest went tight. And then Queenie left. And with it went a lot of their levity.
"....s-sorry, I keep interrupting." Pomni apologized. She twiddled her thumbs a little, frown deepening.
"That's no trouble, sweetheart, really." She insisted. "It's less...lonely, having you make commentary." She gave a smile, hoping to be reassuring.
Pomni, hesitantly, gave a smile of her own. "I-if you say so, Rags..." Came her quiet reply...and then she reached out her hand towards her again.
And oh, what a sign of trust and vulnerability that was. And the nickname, again...a fluttery feeling tying her stuffing in knots. Did Pomni have any way of knowing what she was doing to her, right now? How warm and enamored she was?
She gently clasped Pomni's hand in her own. Comfort freely given and sorely appreciated. Easy to continue, now. This was more encouraging than any words could ever be. "Fleep was squealing, demanding to be put down. Jax kinda tossed her, up into the air before catching her again, like a toy. Or a sock bundle, really." She gave a faint shake of her head. She remembered how disappointed she was, even now. "Of course Jax didn't listen to her, or Barkley."
She paused. "Which...usually he does. Did. I remember...justifying it to myself, at the time, that he must've been frustrated, by the adventure that day. And the adventure being like that was hardly his fault."
Pomni's brow bunched up, at that. "...just because he needed to blow off steam doesn't mean he can't stop himself from...blowing off steam like that." She insisted.
A fact she was well aware of...but hearing someone else say it made her feel better. "I know that. Now, and then. But...I don't know. Sometimes it felt like...no one was on his side and he took it personally. Like I said, that's more a problem now than then. But still, I...never wanted anyone to feel alone."
Her heart clenched tightly, at that. Loneliness was the quickest way to lose yourself to this place, she knew, she knew...
....so what had she been doing to herself, all this time?
She felt another spiral of emotion coming on, threatening in her headspace, but Pomni squeezes her hand. In an instant she's grounded. A breath escapes her, shaky and relieved.
It was foreign, being so vulnerable. Allowing her feelings to run so wild. But Pomni's presence made it so much less scary, it...
"....thank you, sweetie." She said, gaze going soft before she closes her eye. "Sorry, I...I'm the one who got off-topic that time, where was I..."
Her friend doesn't respond for a long moment. Long enough that Ragatha opens her eye again to peer at her inquisitively.
Her whole face had gone blue. Not just a dusting, no, this was a splash.
"S...sweetie?" She squeaks, voice so small she almost didn't hear it.
Ah, there it is, the line. Sweetheart and hun and dear were fine...but sweetie was a tad too tender.
No matter. Now she knew, and it was no trouble to adjust her language. "Sorry, Pomni, if that one isn't ok, I won't say it. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable..." It was still new to her, not forcing blame on her own shoulders. But something like this wasn't anyone's fault.
Pomni clears her throat...and says something unexpected. "N...no, that's...it's fine. I'm fine." Still sounding squeaky and flustered, but....
....honestly, Ragatha couldn't quite tell what that tone was.
Her brow furrowed, just a little. "Are...you sure? You seem....less than fine." She pointed out.
Her hand is squeezed tightly for a moment, and Pomni's eyes squeeze shut in tandem. When they open, she seems more confident. "I'm...not uncomfortable. That just...surprised me, th-that's all." Her confidence wanes a little as she continues. "Th-that was a....new one."
Ragatha can't stop her own fluster, at that. Not...unreceptive, just surprised. Was this what it felt like to flirt successfully?
Wait had that been flirting??
She cleared her throat. "Oh, uh, ok then. I'll...keep going. Sorry for surprising you, that's not what I meant to do." To be honest she wasn't even sure why she said it, herself. She just...had. Because it felt right.
"...where was I again. I distracted myself."
Pomni cleared her throat. The blush on her face was dying down, going back from splash to dust. A shame. It's such a pretty shade of blue. "Uh, you...you said Jax was playing keepaway with Fleep, I think."
A ghost of a laugh. "That's certainly one way to describe it. Yeah, he wouldn't put her down despite all the people disappointedly telling him too. Only when Strings spoke up in agreement did he finally cave." She sighed. "Seemingly. Instead, he shouted to get Kinger's attention, and when he had it, he...threw her like a basketball. And she landed perfectly on his head."
Pomni snorted, and then immediately looked embarrassed about it. "I'm sorry I shouldn't laugh about that." She said quickly. "Th-that was just a funny mental image."
Ragatha gave a half-smile. "....I suppose she was a little....puntable." She relented. It felt weird to speak of the dead this way.....but it wasn't like the comment offended her. This was a story that had been funny in hindsight, back when Fleep was still around. No reason to shame Pomni for being amused. "Anyway..."
"Sorry, again, I keep interrupting you..."
She gave the other's hand a gentle squeeze. "And again, it doesn't bother me. You're fine, hun, really. I like talking to you."
Pomni looked down at their hands, and brought her other hand to it, unprompted. She gently rubbed her gloved fingers against Ragatha's hand as she spoke. "It's...talking like this, it's different from how we talk otherwise, though." She pointed out, sounding sheepish. "I...I don't want you to think I'm not taking this, you, seriously."
So gentle, both in touch and in words. "I wouldn't think that about you, Pomni, really. Pinkie swear."
Hands in perfect position to do so, they both curl their pinkies around each other.
There's a teeny tiny candle in her chest, she thinks, with how tender and warm these moments were. How she feels. Pomni, her. Trust.
She continues speaking past the pause. "Now, I wouldn't say Fleep was particularly meek, really. To a certain extent, sometimes, she couldn't be much else. Her range of motion..." Ragatha shook her head, sighing. "Sometimes all she could do was let things happen to her. But that! Getting stuck on Kinger's head, blinding him, she's unable to get down. Jax is laughing at the two of them. I guess it was the last straw."
The memory brings her a smile, then. "She lets out this...squeak of rage. Highest-pitched sound I've ever heard. And Kinger told me this after the fact, but apparently having your head inside a hollow person when they scream makes it echo terribly loud. So he panics and starts trying to run."
She sees Pomni's expression shift a little. "I'm guessing he didn't think to try and take her off his head himself, did he?" She guesses, lips curling into something that was almost a smirk.
She shook her head, holding in a chuckle. "No, he just started flailing and running. But, thing it, like I said, Fleep had experience piloting manikins that do that. So, purely by reflex, she starts tilting her body to steer."
Smirk turns back into wide , amused smile. "And Kinger moves with her?"
"Yep. Easy as could be. And she gets this...look on her face. Still angry, really, but...more like some kind of delighted malice. And she leans forward, towards Jax, and says 'King to D4'."
Pomni snorts. One hand pulled from their connection to cover her mouth. "Oh no, Kinger!" She laughs.
Ragatha beams. "Oh, he was fine! Also, I'm doubting Fleep even knew how to play chess. But you should've seen the look on Jax's face when they started chasing him." She too laughs, at the memory of it. "He looked almost afraid...but not for very long. He grabbed Strings and tossed him over his shoulder, laughing all the while."
She moves her shoulders for emphasis. "And then Strings got himself wrapped around Jax's neck, and the next thing I knew, the four of them were playing chicken."
"Wait, really? And...Fleep was ok with it being a game, at that point? Against Jax?" She questions, sounding mildly confused.
"Like I said...things were simpler, back then. Harder to...hold grudges. I ended up getting Gangle in on it, too, with her on my shoulders. It was hard to not want to join in." She laughs a little. "Kaufmo and Barkley tried to do it too, but neither of them could balance right when they tried."
"Aw. But everyone else was having fun?"
Fun. Fun, together, not something set up by Caine. Organic. It...it had been a while since that had happened so earnestly. The closest circumstance to that recently had been when they'd been killing time before camping.
But...that was different.
A bittersweet surge in her chest.
Even so, she manages a soft smile. "Yes. We all were."
Pomni must see some conflict in her expression, because her brow furrows. Ragatha notes it. Notes too that Pomni doesn't speak up, just stares at her for a long few moments.
The doll gives her hand a squeeze, and she snaps back to attention instantly. "Ah, s-sorry. Lost in thought."
"No harm." She reminds. "Is it something you're willing to share?"
Pomni is quiet for another long few moments. Her gaze drops from Ragatha's face to their joined hands again. Honestly they both seemed to keep doing that, gazes drifting to the union like gravity, repeatedly. Ragatha knew why she was doing that; this meant everything to her. Pomni was a rock, a lifeline. The support she needed to lighten the weight on her heart right now.
She wondered why Pomni kept looking.
She speaks up, and Ragatha's attention is snatched. "I...keep thinking of all the times I wanted to ask you about this stuff. These...these people." She admits. Her expression is nervous, now. "I...kept wanting to ask but I never did. I didn't want to upset you...or make you uncomfortable. And now, I..." She trails off, biting her lip.
Gentle, careful. Pomni doing her best, even now, to not tread on unstable ground. But Ragatha was done hiding, done letting herself avoid these things, these moments.
If the ground gave way, she knew they were here, in this moment, to catch each other.
"Well...you can ask, now. If you really want to." She stated. Encouraging. Even now, there was so much to remember, to sort through. Hard to know where to start, and harder to figure out where to continue. If Pomni led, though, she could follow.
Pomni swallows. But then her gaze returns to Ragatha's face, brow furrowed, but raising just a little as some tension escapes. "....it's mostly been Kaufmo I'm curious about." She admits. "Everyone kept acting like nothing was wrong despite him being...gone, abruptly, and......"
Ragatha waits for her to finish, but a hesitant, uncomfortable look settles on her face. The statement hangs, incomplete.
So she prompts, saying, "Well...I can talk about him, if you like. It's...fresh, you aren't wrong about that. And it's easier for everyone, not just me, to pretend everything's fine rather than the alternative."
The uncomfortable expression remains, but it does soften a little. "...that's what I figured. But...y-yeah, I'd like to hear about him."
"He's....he was here about as long as me." Ragatha begins. "He wasn't always the easiest to get along with. I wasn't always fond of his sense of humor." She admitted.
"I remember you saying something about fake laughing at his jokes on day one." Pomni recalls.
"Sometimes they just didn't....land." She explains. "Or they're dark humor and I'm not usually very fond of those. I don't think either of us were the others' favorite person..."
"Hm. I, uh, I remember, during the free day before we got on the Ferris Wheel, you mentioned something about Jax and Kaufmo at the dunk tank? Did they get along?"
Ragatha blinks. "I..." Her brow furrows in thought. It took her longer than she'd like to admit to realize what Pomni was talking about. "Oh. That? I'm surprised you remembered that."
"I've...kinda been committing a lot of stuff to memory." She replies, sheepish. "Especially the stuff you say-"
She slaps her free hand over her mouth the moment the words left it. Face lighting up in blue, eyes wide to the point the pinwheel pattern disappeared. Not scribbly, but still clearly some flavor of panicked.
She blinks at her, baffled by the reaction to...herself, seemingly. "Are...you alright, hun?" She asks. Had that not been something she meant to say?
She looked more embarrassed than she should be, Ragatha thought.
Pomni forcefully nodded her head, and jerked her gaze off to the side. "...fine." She replies, very very quiet. "Can...can we just ignore that I said that...?"
The doll frowned. "Why would that be necessary?"
A muffled squeak escapes her, and, before she responds, she squeezes her eyes shut. In a small, ashamed voice, she admits, "...I don't want you to think I'm weird."
Ragatha feels that candle in her chest grow brighter, warmer. Feels it pulse. She knows she must be flustering, too.
Pomni saying she pays extra attention to what Ragatha says, that was one thing. Flattering, but not indicative of anything more than the care the jester had already shown her today.
But the other's reaction to admitting it, admitting to committing her words to memory specifically, hoping she doesn't think poorly of her for it...
....it honestly sounded like Pomni was treating it as an admission of something much deeper.
Ragatha felt her metaphorical heart skip a beat. Should she get her hopes up? Was this a moment for her own admissions? Was this-
Pomni looked mortified, she realized. Blue-faced, not trembling, but squeezing her hand tightly. Hunching over slightly to make herself look smaller.
Her feelings were secondary, at this moment. Pomni said it was ok to be selfish sometimes....but right now her friend needed reassurance. And Ragatha would never forgive herself if she didn't give it.
"I'd never think you're weird, sweetheart." She promised, squeezing her hand right back. "I promise. I'd never think less of you for anything like that."
Never was a fun hypothetical, in a place like this. It was foolish to taunt it like this, swearing to feel one way for the rest of time. But Pomni had done the same earlier, for her.
She knew Pomni held her heart in her hands. That was all the clarity she needed to make any promise, no matter how wistful.
The jester's eyes opened, surprised, shy, staring up at Ragatha quietly. "...really? You...you don't?"
"I don't see why I should. It's...not like you said anything unusual." She assures.
She paused, and gently, carefully, rubbed a thumb across Pomni's knuckle. The jester's gaze immediately dropped to their hands again, seeming almost transfixed.
Her heart was in her throat...but she needed to say it. "It's not like I don't do the same when you talk."
She sees the way the other's expression shifts. Sees the conflict dance, in the way her brow moves, in the way her lips press together. The blue blush, previously fading a bit, surges back up from dusting to splash.
And yet, she doesn't respond. She just keeps staring at their joined hands, blinking rapidly for another few seconds. And then...
"....oh."
Inscrutable tone, but softly said. The free hand comes up to her cheek.
Ragatha clears her throat. She decidedly doesn't regret saying it...but she does find herself wondering if she's made the other uncomfortable. "W-well, like I said, I don't find it weird. But if you do...then I suppose I'm weird! We can be weird together...about it. There's worse things to be."
She doesn't know where these statements are coming from. It feels like nowhere. Being supportive and knowing what to say usually came to her as easily as breathing....but she felt a little off-balance in that regard, right now. Second guessing each word.
Pomni's fault. But there's no bitterness, in acknowledging it. If anything there's gratitude.
Her friend startles, at the words. "Oh, uh, yeah no, it's....you're right. It must not be as weird as I think it is...if you're doing it." She rambles a little, bringing her hand off her cheek to wave it dismissively, the hint of a smile budding on her bluing face.
That wasn't really what Ragatha had been going for. But Pomni was less stressed, it seemed, so she couldn't really argue with the result. "Sure. Do you want me to keep talking about Kaufmo?"
Pomni opens her mouth to reply, but then her brow furrows again and it closes. "I...wait. This isn't about what I want, it's..."
She tilts her head a little as Pomni trails off. "Well, sure it is. You're helping me, so...it's only fair you get something out of this."
Pomni shook her head. "I want you to...be able to talk about this stuff because it'll make you feel better. It's..." She averts her gaze with a frown. "I'm realizing it's a little selfish to be pushing you to say the stuff I want to hear."
The word spurs her on to respond, and she does so with a smile. "It's ok to be selfish sometimes, Pomni." She recalls. "And this is making me feel better. It's fine if you have preferences; it's not like I have much idea what to say without a little prompting. Like I said, there's a lot."
Pomni puffs out her cheeks again. "Still..."
"Hey, if you ask a question I can't or don't want to answer, I'll just say that. Neither of us need to be walking on eggshells, sweetheart."
Her frown remains, but the eye contact resumes. "...that's fair. Are you sure? If...if I make you uncomfortable, you'll tell me, right?"
That...wasn't quite what she'd said...but it felt like a reasonable question. She was doing her best, tonight, to break out of her bad habits.
Pomni must be worried she's going to keep lying to spare her any worry, or grief. Stress. She still felt like she wanted to...she knew she'd have the urge to, when the situation arose.
But Pomni didn't want her to. She was asking her, so nicely, not to.
Ironically, Ragatha realized, lying so Pomni wouldn't worry would just make her worry more. Previously, she'd been frustrated by how quickly Pomni had caught on to that.
But now...still, only gratitude.
"I'll tell you, I promise." She said, gentle. She lifts a hand without thinking, reaching for Pomni's other hand too, before she catches up with herself and forces it back down. She swallows. "...and you'll do the same, right? I...a part of me is still so afraid of taking advantage of you without meaning."
She hears the other's breath hitch, at that. And, surprising her just like every other time, Pomni links their free hands together once more. "You...m-maybe it's weird. Or maybe that doesn't matter....but, uh. Y'know, I said this before, and its still...true. You've never really done anything that's made me uncomfortable. At least not that I can think of right now. If...if that changed, I would tell you."
She feels...impossibly soft. This whole situation, still, so unfamiliar. In the best way. There's no one she'd rather be doing this with than Pomni.
She really was in love, wasn't she? Hopelessly.
"....we were talking about Kaufmo, right?" She recalls. It feels strange, getting back on topic. She wouldn't mind if they just sat here making sweet promises forever, if you asked her opinion...but it wasn't really what they were here for. "Did you have any specific questions, or...?"
Pomni blinks rapidly for a few seconds, snapping to attention. "Oh, right." She pauses, thinking. "....uh, I think my question earlier was if he and Jax got along." She recalls.
Ragatha nods. "That's one with a weird answer. Sometimes they'd be passive-aggressively at each other's throats, practicing...jokes...on each other. More like insults, really, but with just the right diction to pass as a joke. And other times they'd team up to make some elaborate situation to get someone laughing. Jax is good at doing that at the expense of other people...but Kaufmo was very invested in doing that in other ways. Not to say them working together tended to end with no one upset..." She shook her head a little. "You could never predict it."
"What was the thing with the dunk tank, then?" She asked again.
Ragatha let out a tiny laugh. "You're very focused on that, aren't you?" She teased.
Pomni flusters. "I-in my defense it was the only crumb of information I had for a while aside from the fact that his jokes were bad..."
Another laugh escapes her. "Sorry, I'm teasing. To answer your question, though, what they'd do is kidnap npcs and stick them in there."
".....just for fun, or...?"
"Depends. Dunk tanks are hard to enjoy without someone to dunk and most of the time none of us volunteered. And Kaufmo, unlike Jax, wasn't really willing to grab someone unwilling...so npcs it was. Jax was content with that. A scheme was a scheme, and depending on the npc they can certainly act like they have feelings to hurt."
Pomni frowned a little. "I guess that's better than bothering real people." She relented. "Still."
"Kaufmo was pretty...well, I was going to say disconnected, from this place. But that's not quite true, either." Ragatha replied with a slight frown of her own. "He had no attachment to any of the npcs, or AI. Aside from Caine, he barely acknowledged any of them. And Caine he only acknowledged because there wasn't much way to get around it."
She nodded.
"And yet...he showed up here, saw he was a clown, and wholeheartedly acted the part. Embraced this...role he'd been given." A mirthless laugh. "And he was terrible at it, but he sure was trying."
A snort from the jester. "That's why I'm not trying to do that. I would probably be worse than him at it."
"Aw, don't say that! And jesters and clowns aren't even the same thing, really. They might even be opposites, thematically."
"Still! I don't know any jokes. And I'd feel....weird. Trying to be something I'm.......not."
Her expression dipped into something somber, tinted with stress. Her hands squeezed.
Ragatha couldn't stop the concern from escaping her verbally. "What do you mean? Are you alright?"
Pomni's brows bunched together, and had both the doll's hands not been occupied, she would've had to stop herself from trying to smooth them out. "It's...nothing. Probably."
"Oh, come on now, we're airing our baggage, aren't we? It's only fair I give you a turn. That's what we were doing earlier, weren't we?" She remarked good-naturedly with a tilt of her head. "Something that bothers you, something that bothers me."
The furrowed brows loosen at that, and the corners of her mouth curl into a hint of a smile. "...when you put it that way..."
"It's only fair." She repeated, smiling more deliberately.
Pomni spends another few moments in thoughtful quiet before speaking. "....I don't really like what this place made me look like." Is how she starts. "I...barely remember anything about what I looked like, so it's not like I have much to compare it to. But I know I hate it."
Ragatha's expression creases with sympathy. "What about it don't you like?" She prompts.
"I....I look like a kid, Ragatha. I look like a joke. And everything here just rubs it in. I...I hate being in my room, sometimes. It makes me feel so small."
Ragatha had only been in Pomni's room once before, on the day she'd drowned. She hadn't been paying much attention when she'd been inside, focus entirely on the jester. She remembered the colors of the room, a poster, and the dresser....
....now that she dwelled on it, the dresser had been very tall. Too tall for Pomni to access most of it, she realized. "That's...I hadn't realized." She mumbled.
"It's....there were like, kiddie toys in there when I got there, too. I put them away because I couldn't stand to look at them. But no amount of moving stuff around changes the fact that I'm tiny, now. I'm a grown-[KLINK] adult! A-and it really feels like this place is trying to make me forget that!"
Her breathing is labored, angry, stressed. Ragatha gently squeezes her hand, and almost immediately she can see her frame lose some of its tension.
But she doesn't say anything more, so Ragatha does. "Well, I can promise you I won't forget that." She assures.
The laugh that escapes the other sounds decently genuine. "I would hope not. I'd....probably die if you thought of me as a child or something."
"It would be condescending to do that, and I have no intention of treating you that way."
"No wonder Jax does, then..." She replies, almost a mumble. But she shakes her head and refocuses on Ragatha. "Ok, uh...your turn? Something that upsets you, now."
She'd nearly forgotten. "Oh, right. Hm, let me think..."
She scours her brain for grievances. Tries to come up with things she hasn't said yet....but they'd been out here so long now she wasn't even sure which things she'd mentioned already.
But, more importantly....Pomni was here, still, holding her hands. Careful and gentle, for her benefit. And...sitting here, in the digital dirt, hand in hand with this person so dear to her....she honestly couldn't think of a single thing to be upset about.
It hits her like a brick, and the warmth swelled in her chest. Safe, cared for. Treated gently. Now, more than any other moment so far since realizing, Ragatha wanted to let her feelings for the other spill forth from her mouth.
Would it be right? Was this a good time? Pomni had been....not uncomfortable, earlier, when she'd called her sweetie. She...wanted to say more things like that. Sweeter, sappier things. Honestly, all of a sudden it was all she wanted.
"...Rags?" The jester speaks up. "You have more things to share, right? There's no way you don't have anything else to complain about if you've been here so long."
The nickname again sends her warm feelings teetering, spilling over the edge. Chest filling up with them, the only place to go was out.
"Pomni..." She starts, and finds, even in this, she's at a loss for words right now. Careful and gentle, the jester was skittish...so how was she meant to say these things without scaring her off?
She sees, perplexingly, that being addressed this time sends a new cascade of blue across Pomni's face. "Wh...what's with your voice." She stammers, quiet, almost tense.
Maybe her tone communicated what she couldn't with words? Or at least, in that moment specifically it had.
But tone wasn't enough, she needed to actually tell Pomni how she felt. It was a deep, deep yearning, and with them already making contact, it wasn't for that.
Tenderly, she rubs her thumbs against the gloved knuckles. "I...I can't think of anything wrong, right now, to be honest." She admits, gaze going impossibly soft. "It's....hard to, when I'm sitting here with you."
The blue spreads further. "With....w-with me. Me?"
She can feel the other trembling in her hold.
But she doesn't voice discomfort.
Ragatha continues, emboldened. "With you. I...know I had things before, to complain about...but right now it feels like they're miles away. I'm just...comforted. So comforted by how much support you're giving me."
She sees Pomni take a steadying breath. "It's....why would I do anything else? You....deserve someone who does this for you and I want-" She cuts herself off, biting her lip.
It's not surprising that Ragatha's focus shifts to the action instantly. She tries not to be so obvious about it, wrenching her gaze away to more properly make eye contact. "You know what I think, sweetheart? I think that doesn't make it any less special."
She hopes she'd not coming on too strong. This wasn't what they were out here for...
But Ragatha really wants to confess.
Pomni is still chewing her lip. Slowly, but without resistance, she pulls a hand from their connection to place against her cheek. Splash has died down to dust, again. "Special, huh? I mean, I'm...glad, glad that this means a lot to you. I just...hated the idea of this thing we have being imbalanced..."
She sounded so...vague. Thing. What they had, by definition, was a friendship. A close one, especially right now.
Of course, especially right now, Ragatha wanted it to be more than that. "With how hard you worked to get this out of me, I don't think you had anything to worry about." She spoke, soft, gentle. "You...care. So much about me. And....I simply can't stop thinking about it, Pomni."
".....where are you going with this?" She interrupted. Something tints her voice, and Ragatha almost wants to say it's fear.
She can't stop herself; that wasn't an admission of discomfort, really, but Ragatha compulsively feels the need to check. "I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable? Am I being...too forward?"
That was something adjecent to an admission, she realizes, and it seems as though Pomni knows it too, by the way dust returns to splash. "A-a-aawhaaat do you mean forward??"
Ragatha steadies herself, reminding herself that even now, Pomni is still holding one hand in hers. Surely, if this was actual discomfort, she would have removed it by now.
That's not to say she looks comfortable, though. Honestly, she looked embarrassed and panicked.
Would it be right, to answer her question honestly? To risk distressing her further?
When she stops to think, it would probably be incredibly selfish-
...but it's ok to be selfish sometimes.
Emboldened anew, she soldiers on. "I...mean that you matter to me so much, dear. So much. And I don't want that to be something you don't realize."
Once more she's chewing her lip, blue spreading further and further across her pale white complexion. "I. I guessed that, probably, maybe, f-from context clues..." She stammered out. "A-anyone would when you're the only one making any effort..."
Ragatha shook her head faintly. "It's not just that, Pomni. You...it's how willing you were, that night, to go out of your comfort zone for me. I don't think I'd ever slept that well here...than with you in my arms. I can't get that feeling out of my head..."
It's a romantic thing to admit, more so than anything else she'd said so far. Everything else had some level of platonic deniability...but she was done hiding.
She was in love.
The others entire face was blue, at this point, not a speck of white aside from her eyes. She looked like she'd face-planted into a paint bucket. It would've been a little amusing had she not also gained her familiar scribbles.
That, clearly, was a sign of discomfort.
She doesn't get a chance to comment or ask any questions, because with startling composure considering her expression, the jester speaks up. "There's no way you're saying what I th-think you're saying. Ragatha, what are you getting at?"
She could not for the life of her decipher the other's tone. So she doesn't try. Pomni asked her a question, asked for honesty, and she was done lying.
No more beating around the bush.
"I'm saying...I'm saying that I like you, Pomni. That...that I don't care if it's dramatic, or early for me to say this...but I think I might love you."
Feelings set free like a bird. Like one of Kinger's butterflies. It feels so relieving to admit it, to be past this point of no return-
"R-Ragatha, please, be honest with me."
She blinks. What??
Pomni's brow is furrowed, she notes. Still very blue, but less than before.
Ragatha feels herself fluster a little, and frowns. "Wh...I am being honest Pomni. Do you think I'm lying?" Genuinely confused, and beginning to feel embarrassed, too.
Pomni averts her gaze. "....yes. Because that doesn't make sense."
Her previous boldness abates, and suddenly she feels meek. "I...well I'm not lying. I promise. I...I can pinkie swear, if that would convince you."
She moves to do so...but that is the moment where Pomni pulls her hand from her own.
The candle blows out, and with it goes all the air in the lungs she lacks.
"I-I was so scared you would do this." Pomni mumbles, dejected and tense.
Ragatha almost feels herself getting angry...because Pomni seemed more upset at this idea that Ragatha was lying about having feelings for her than the feelings themselves.
She tries again. "That...I would do what? F...fall in love with you?" She inquires, still making an effort to speak gently.
Pomni sucks air through her teeth as her breath hitches. "N-no! That you'd pretend! Pretend to like me back!"
The dying candle springs to life, easily. A spark, hope.
"Like you......back?" She repeats, carefully sounding the words out. No way. Reciprocated feelings, revealed just like that?
"Yes!" She shouts, yanking on her hat bells. "You're always trying to say and do whatever other people need to feel better and I knew, I knew, that if you found out how I felt you'd pretend to reciprocate so I wouldn't feel bad!"
Ragatha is startled to see tears sparkling in the corners of Pomni's eyes.
She doesn't get a chance to voice concern. "I thought, I thought you didn't know! Did Jax tell you after all?! Was he acting like you didn't know just drag this out even longer?!" She hiccups around a budding sob.
"Pomni, no! I'm not pretending to do anything! Jax didn't say anything, he...wait, is this what you were so scared of him telling me?"
"You are, Ragatha! You are and-" She chokes around a full-formed sob this time. "-and I'm throwing a tantrum about it." She finished softly, bearing her teeth as she buries her face in her hands. The blue leaves her face entirely. "I'm throwing a tantrum about it like a toddler."
She sounds ashamed, humiliated. Ragatha feels her heart break. "Oh sweetie...no..."
"D-don't call me that when you don't mean it..." Pomni whimpers. "It's not fair...it's not fair to you..."
Her heart skips a beat. Even now, accusing her of deception...she was concerned for her.
"Darling..." She begins again, another new affectionate word spilling forth in this vulnerable moment. "I wouldn't lie to you about this." She insists.
Pomni sniffles, raising her head from her hands a little to peer at her. "B-but...you have to be. It doesn't make sense..."
"What doesn't?"
She pulls her legs out of the criss-cross they were in prior, and sets her crossed arms on her knees. In a quiet, timid voice, she admits, "There's no way you'd...you'd feel that way a-about someone like me."
Ragatha's eye widens in realization. Pomni's words prior, about this place making her feel small. Did she feel insignificant? Not...worthy, of this kind of care?
Well. You'll have to forgive her, but Ragatha saw that as a challenge.
She finds herself gently smiling at the other, and only begins speaking a few moments later, when Pomni's gaze meets hers. "Like you? What, kind? Charming, considerate? I wouldn't love someone like that?"
She sees that blue blush spread faintly across her cheeks, but she hides her face in her arms again before she can look at it for very long. "I'm not any of those things..."
"You're all that and more." She insisted, and stopped herself from reaching out to touch her. She wanted to. Her reflex was to comfort physically...but Pomni specifically could not find comfort this way.
Pomni speaks up again before she can say anything about it. "N-no, I'm not considerate at all. I left you floundering for two whole days because I couldn't bear the idea of this conversation happening!" She exclaimed, muffled through her arms.
"You were...scared. Of me pretending to like you back? Not of me rejecting you?" Ragatha questions. To her it sounded like an absurdly specific thing to be afraid of.
But had they not been as close as they were, now....maybe it would've made plenty of sense. Maybe she would have faked this, to keep Pomni happy.
But here she was, being genuine, and Pomni wasn't happy yet.
"Why would you do that, if you didn't like me back? You're...you're so so nice, you'd never do something that would end with me upset."
Her chest clenched at the sentiment. "....I understand why you'd think that." She said carefully. "But I'm trying so hard today, not to lie anymore to my own detriment. You're the one who helped me realize I could."
Faintly, Pomni tilts her head a little, giant pinwheels staring at her over the rim of her arms.
Ragatha's brow furrowed from the sight. "Why are you so sure I'm relapsing?"
Pomni groans softly, eyes narrowing as she averts her gaze. "...because it's too good to be true."
And Ragatha spends a mere moment, thinking about it, that the idea that she might love Pomni was a concept with such appeal it was deemed unrealistic...
She flusters hard. Pinks and reds threading through her fabric, the candle burning to a blaze in her chest. She blinks rapidly.
"...sweetie. Please, look at me for a second?" She coaxes, and Pomni complies easily.
The eye contact is maintained as Ragatha continues. "Listen...were it an idea you were ok with, I'd be hugging you right now. I'd be showering you with so much affection there'd be no room left for doubt." She explains.
The jester's head shoots up, and blue dusts across her cheeks again. "Ragatha-"
"-but you don't want to be touched." Ragatha cuts her off. "So I don't know how to convince you! Tell me Pomni, anything. Anything I could do for you to show you I'm serious."
Pomni worries her lip, again. Eyes wavering, blue intensifying. "I-I...I couldn't ask that-"
"-I'm offering." She cut her off again, desperate. "I'm offering, so please...tell me how I can prove it."
"I don't..." She inhales deeply, and exhales quickly. "...I have no, no idea..." She admits, pupils moving to the side, away from her.
Ragatha sighs a little. "...can I just...try something, then?"
The gaze flickers back, nervous and flustered. "T-try?"
"You just say the word, and I'll stop." She says, careful, gentle, before reaching out to rest a plush hand on Pomni's arm.
Pomni's breath hitches.
Ragatha fixes her with a look. Is it confident? Flirtatious? She has no idea, but she hopes that Pomni does. "Is this alright, darling?"
Another sharp intake of air. But Pomni doesn't speak. She just gives a shaky nod, blue splash spreading once more across her cheeks.
Cautiously, she pries one of Pomni's hands from the fold. Scoots herself closer to the other. Brings the hand up towards her mouth...then stops, once again fixing Pomni with that look. "What about this?"
Pomni's hat tails shoot straight up, whole face blue. Steam fizzles out the sides of her head with a train whistle sound. Her mouth goes agape.
It's comical. It's ridiculous. It's indicative of the situation they're in.
Most importantly, though, it is proof of some kind that the jester wasn't lying. Pomni did like her like that. If she hadn't known before, the cartoon logic at play had just, very blatantly, outed her.
She yanks the hat tails back down, looking mortified. "Oh my god." She wheezes. "I'm going to kill myself."
"Oh, don't say that, you promised." Ragatha chastised. "And it's not that bad, honestly it was endearing, I swear!"
"N-no it's not! It's stupid and, and embarrassing and-"
Ragatha cuts her off with a feather-soft kiss to the back of her gloved hand.
Her words abruptly transition into a muffled squeak as her mouth snaps shut. Eyes blow wide...but no scribbles, Ragatha notes when she opens her eye.
She lifts away, but still holds Pomni's hand. "Alright?"
"A-a-a-alright? I'm..." She trails off, eyes darting about for a moment before settling back on the ragdoll. Something...shifts in her expression. "C...can you do that? Again?" She asks, so quiet Ragatha almost doesn't hear her.
The fluster threading her own cheeks grows more intense, too. But she complies, smiling into it. She kisses Pomni's glove again.
"....huh." Pomni whispers to herself. "It...it does feel like...."
Ragatha quirks a brow, still smiling that smile. "What feels like what?" She prompts.
Pomni startles, a nervous smile blooming, and she averts her gaze again. "O-oh, uh, it's nothing!"
"I won't think any less of you if it's something embarrassing, dear. Cross my heart."
A dry laugh escapes her. "Ah...is it that obvious?" She mumbles awkwardly.
"Just a guess. And a promise I intend to keep. Please?"
"Mmmnn...okay, fine, but it is embarrassing so don't blame me if you cringe." She retorted. At Ragatha's encouraging smile, she continued. "I...wondered once...or twice, what your..." She starts, but the blue on her face flares and she averts eye contact again.
She points with her free hand toward her mouth.
More warm thread weaves through her complexion. "My...my lips?" She questions, trying to keep the incredulity out of her tone.
Pomni nodded swiftly. "I-I mean it's not like you really have them most of the time- You only really have a mouth when you're talking! But it looks like paper so I wondered what kind of paper it is-" She rambled, and then face-palmed. "A-and now I have my answer? I-it feels like that colored construction paper. Ugh, this is stupid, I'm being stupid-"
Ragatha gave the hand she was holding a gentle squeeze, and Pomni shuts up immediately. "I don't think it's stupid at all."
Pomni shudders, and her pinwheel eyes swirl. "...you really don't...? But I'm...I'm being weird."
"I don't think it's weird." She confirmed with a grin. "And if it is, I think there's worse things to be."
"Ah...I walked into that one, didn't I?" She admitted.
She'd said nearly the same thing earlier, so it was an easy response. Ragatha feels a bit mischievous. "Maybe a little. But I don't mind." Another kiss placed to the glove. Tentatively, considering, she flips the hand over, and placed another to the palm.
"Oh my god." Pomni squeaks. "Ah, c-can you stop?"
She does, pulling her face away again. "Sorry. Uncomfortable now?"
"N-no, not...not that. Just...overstimulated."
Ragatha drops her hand. "Sorry, I'm doing too much, aren't I-"
She's surprised immensely when Pomni grabs it again, with both of her own. "No, Rags, not, not like that. Just...in here." She uses one hand to point to her head, and then returns it to hold onto Ragatha again. "I'm...thinking. A lot. Every time you do that my brain just goes crazy."
She blinks, the warm feeling in her chest kicking up another few notches. "Oh? What kinds of things are you thinking about?"
Pomni doesn't respond. And when she does, it isn't to answer the question. "Listen, I...this isn't working. If...if you really like me back, I...I'm not going to be convinced by you just doing what you think I want."
Ragatha frowns a little. "Really?"
"Really. I'm...a part of me is going to keep being scared that you're just...doing this for me to make me happy." She admitted sheepishly. "If you only do things I want...how am I supposed to know that you...want...."
Solid logic, even if it made her sad. "I see." She replied, voice level.
Pomni flinched, screwing her eyes shut. "S-so, I...I want you to do something that you want. Whatever you want to do to me, that's fine. Even if you think it'll make me uncomfortable."
Ragatha's eye goes wide in minor alarm. "Sweetheart, no, I couldn't-"
"I'm offering." She insists. "I can take it. It's...it's not like anything really bad can happen here...a-and I trust you wouldn't do anything like that anyway, so it's fine."
She decidedly did not like those implications. "I...love you and respect your boundaries. I don't want to go past them when I know you'll have a bad time."
"L-look, just...please. I want to know. I want to believe you, I want to believe you so bad. B-but unless you do one selfish thing for yourself, there's going to be doubt. I'm going to keep doubting no matter how much I don't want to."
It's honesty. Startling honesty, really. Pomni's always been better at that than Ragatha has.
Unlike Pomni, Ragatha has no reason to suspect her words are reassuring lies.
So, heart heavy and nervous, she scoots forward again. "....ok." She says, careful and gentle in word and in action.
Her hands tentatively reach forward to cup Pomni's face. Her thumbs caress the other's rubber skin.
The blue is rich and smooth, up close. She'd compared it to paint, before, but at the close distance she's found now it really does remind her of an expert water color.
She feels the other tense, hears her breath hitch. But another splash of blue joins the others, so maybe she's not making a terrible mistake?
Touching her now, she can feel the other's warmth through her cloth. It's soothing, reassuring. I did this to her.
She leans forward, hesitant and shy. Even now, permission given, close enough to do what she's been yearning for...it doesn't feel right.
She swears, she swears that Pomni is scared. It isn't fair, not at all. She'd leaned in to press a kiss between her eyes...but she can't, she can't betray Pomni's comfort that far.
At least...not without buildup, and warning.
Instead, she pressed their foreheads together, and sighs.
Pomni goes tense for a second, but then relaxes. "R...Rags?"
She feels so full of affection she might burst. But she doesn't escalate the contact yet. "I adore that you're calling me that, now. It makes me feel so cozy." She admits.
"I..." It takes her a minute to find her reply. "You...call me so many nice things. You say that stuff to everyone, really...but sometimes it felt extra special. I wanted to call you something too. I...wanted to try it. I'm glad it wasn't weird..."
"I'd let you be weird, you know. There's worse things to be. We can be weird together."
Pomni, tentative, shy, opens her eyes. Something twinkles in them. The pattern swirls again. "Yeah?"
Something in that tone sends the warmth overflowing again. So much hope, admiration. Ragatha nearly can't handle it. "Yeah...Pomni, can I...can I kiss you?"
A breath escapes her, swift and airy. And then she leans into one of Ragatha's hands, eyes slipping shut again. "Y-you can do whatever you want." There a smile, small but genuine.
Ragatha hears hope in her tone more clearly now.
She doesn't keep Pomni waiting.
The other's rubber lips squeak as she kisses her. They're soft and pliable, not that she's moving against them with enough force to be able to say that with much confidence.
But the physical feeling of it isn't what she dwells on. She's far too focused on listening, waiting, ready to stop the moment Pomni expresses discomfort, or tenses again, or does anything at all to communicate what she can't with her mouth occupied.
But nothing like that happens. Instead, shakily, the jester brings her own hands up to cup Ragatha's face, too. Feels gloved thumbs rub her cheeks the same way she had done to her before.
She knows she must be warming, at the touch. She leans into it, a quiet hum of contentedness escaping her.
Pomni is trembling.
She pulls away immediately. "Pomni?"
The jester's eyes sparkle with tears, the pinwheel patterns swirling nonstop now.
Concern blooms in her chest. "Is....is this too much?"
"Oh...oh god, you...." Pomni stammers, sniffling. Her lip quivers.
Ragatha tries to say more, to reassure, to apologize, but her friend's next words stop her cold.
"Y-you really...you really do feel the same...." She whispers, tearful voice thick with feeling.
Awe is the one Ragatha can hear the clearest.
She can't stop the faint, relieved laugh from escaping her. "I...I do! You believe me now?"
"Mhm...!" Pomni squeaks as a wide, wide smile blooms across her blue face. More tears well up in her eyes, but even as they trail down her cheeks she doesn't stop smiling. "I'm, I can't, I can't believe...! B-but I do, and you...!"
She hiccups, and once again Ragatha has to stop herself from impulsively pulling the other close.
This time, though, Pomni noticed the way her arms move. "He-hey, it's ok. You can hug, hug me if you want. I don't mind." She says, voice shaky.
Ragatha sighs, but it's a fond sound. "You know I have a hard time believing that."
"But it's true!" She insists, with a smile so giddy it stretches her face. "Because it's you!"
At that, unbidden, Ragatha feels tears welling up in her eye, too. She isn't able to stop herself, now given permission.
She reaches and grabs, careful even still, and pulls Pomni against her chest. Arms wrap around her, gentle, and she feels Pomni do the same.
And like the few other times they'd embraced this way, Ragatha felt lighter than air. Emotions surge and dance in her chest, stuffing singed from the warmth of them.
Loved. The others cared about her, sure, but she was loved!
"This...this doesn't feel real." Pomni whispers, still sounding awestruck.
"It's...surreal." Ragatha admits. "I feel like I'm going to float away."
"Knowing this place, it's probably possible." She replies, soft voice edged with mirth. "S-so it's good that I'm here, holding you here..."
Ragatha blinked, and then pulled back a little so the pair could look each other in the face again. "Pomni, was that a flirt?" She questioned, gaze amused and tender.
Pomni flushes, blinking away the persisting tears. "Not a good one...I'm not an expert..."
"Hey, you're not going to start that again. Whatever you have is what I want. No more." A hand lifts to Pomni's cheek again, and again, the jester leans into her touch.
Ragatha's enamored by how content the other looks. Soothed, unstressed...shy, still, but happy.
I did that.
It takes her breath away. She wants more than anything else to kiss her again.
She worries her lip, letting out a hum, and Pomni's eyes open to peer up at her.
Their gazes meet, Ragatha blushes, and Pomni reads her mind. Her smile is soft, and there is not hesitance when the reaches up to cradle the doll's face. "Is it ok if I....?"
Ragatha's gaze must be lovestruck, she knows, feeling her cloth cheeks go warm at the other's words. "You can do whatever you want, darling."
Her shy, giddy smile as it leans close to meet her is a sight now burned into her memory.
Pomni is gentle as she moves against her, but Ragatha is surprised by the distinct confidence she gains after a few moments. Arms wrapped around her fall to the small of her back, the jester sitting up a little straighter. Rubber and paper lips not quite meshing perfectly as if a storybook moment...but with the feelings dancing in their chests, Ragatha is hard pressed to describe this moment any other way.
It feels perfect, even if it isn't. Maybe that's just who they were, in the end.
Ragatha pulls away first, surprisingly, feeling so flustered, so enamored, her breath is catching on it.
Pomni looks almost nervous. "....did I do that wrong, too?"
"No-" The ragdoll breathes out, half-laughing at how perfectly imperfect this all was. "-no, I just...love you. I love you, Pomni. Pomni, you're perfect."
Pomni's breath catches, too. Her hat tails shoot up again, but no steam this time. "O-oh! Oh god, I...you too. I love you too, oh my god..." She looks so emotional, pinwheels swirling in her eyes, smile seeming wobbly.
They both want to express their feelings more coherently than that, but in lieu of any ideas as to how, their lips meet again.
And they spent a long while doing that, feelings passing between them through action, through the way Pomni clung to her as if afraid she'd disappear, through the way Ragatha let her pull away each time she needed a breather. Minding each other's comforts, sharing them.
No words were needed. Not about this. What they felt was clearly shown in everything but.
And still, Ragatha yelped in surprise when Pomni escalates. When the jester begins to crawl into her lap, arms squeezing her middle as if unable to get close enough. "Woah!"
Pomni jumps a little. "Oh, uh...is this not ok? I didn't...ask, but I thought-"
She cuts her off before she can catastrophize. "No, it's not...that I'm not ok with it, I'm more than ok with it really, I just didn't think you were."
Pomni's blush is fainter, but there. "Physical stuff is...easier for me when I'm the one initiating it." She admits. "When I'm not it...feels out of my control."
Ragatha laughs light. "No complaints from me, then. I'll gladly take a backseat if it means you feel free to take charge more often."
Pomni has the gall to look sheepish. "I mean...you don't think it's weird of me?"
Ragatha quirks a brow, and Pomni coughs.
"Right...."
"I'll say it a third time if you need me to, dear. Or has it been more than that? I've lost count."
"Enough times for me to get the message..." Pomni relents, laughing a little before leaning up to kiss Ragatha again.
This one doesn't last as long, though, because Pomni pulls back down, staring up at the ragdoll with inquisitive eyes.
"Hm?" Ragatha prompts. Pomni's brow furrows, and this time she does reach forward to smooth it out.
Pomni's lip is a thin line, but the contact doesn't seem to bother her. "Hey, Rags...you know what just occurred to me?"
"What?"
"I...we spent so much time talking about the past. About other people, gone and not gone. But I haven't really heard you say much about you." She says, arms wrapped around her squeezing a little.
Ragatha laughs sheepishly. "It's hard for me to think of much that's interesting, really. And it's not like there's much you don't already know from context clues, I imagine."
"I don't know your favorite color. Or your favorite food." She replied. "I doubt you remember much of before this place, but if you do I'd have no idea. I...know what kind of person you are, and how you feel about certain things...but there's so much else I don't know."
Ragatha's gaze softened. "I'd say I don't think it's be very interesting to listen to...but that'd make me a bit of a hypocrite, I think." She admitted.
Pomni uncurled one of her arms from around Ragatha's middle, and buried the hand in her hair. It sent tingles up her back, filled her chest with butterflies. "I...I love you. I love you, Ragatha. And I want to know you. You."
And oh, what a lovely idea that was, someone knowing her. And that someone being the wonderful, amazing woman in her lap right now.
She pressed their foreheads together, smiled so sweetly. "I think I would be honored, then."
And that's how they spent the next while, speaking softly to one another. Not quite sweet nothings...but perhaps sweet somethings. Gentle words, no longer afraid. No need to be careful, for there was no judgment here.
Ragatha didn't know it...but Pomni had finally found something to live for.