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“Reggie!” Sirius waved to his little brother as he approached.
Regulus kept walking. Maybe he hadn’t heard?
“Reggie, wait!”
Regulus started walking faster.
That little shit.
“Slow down, you wanker!” Sirius jogged over, slotting in to walk beside him.
Regulus sighed so heavily, Sirius was surprised he had any breath left in him. “What?” He spat out uninterested, finally slowing down to a reasonable pace.
“Is that any way to treat your own flesh and blood?” He tried to toss an arm over the boy’s shoulder only to get hexed for his troubles.
“Father beat us and Mother’s favourite spell was crucio. I think I treat you quite well, all things considered.” Regulus drawled as if that was a completely normal thing to joke about. This kid needed a mind-healer so fucking bad.
“A paragon of brotherly love, you are.” Sirius snarked back. (He also needed a mind-healer but that was neither here nor there.) “In my truly benevolent brotherly love, I came here to say: don’t shower in your dorm tonight.”
The side eye Regulus gave him could have turned someone to stone. “I hate you.”
Sirius reminded himself that was a joke. James always insisted, Regulus was much funnier than he gave his brother credit for.
“Love you too.” He quipped. “But seriously, someone cursed all the Slytherin showers. Stay safe out there.”
Regulus stared straight ahead, the flex of his jaw betraying annoyance. “Must you always target my House?”
“Duh. Of course.”
“Hecate, give me patience.”
“You believe in the divine now?”
“I believe I need divine intervention to keep me from strangling you.”
Sirius snorted. Maybe James was right — that one was pretty decent.
“And here I was, trying to help you…” Sirius affected a faux sweet tone. “… out of the kindness of my heart.”
“Out of the kindness of Potter’s heart.” Regulus corrected. “A hundred galleons, he was the one who thought to warn me.”
He was right, of course, but Sirius had no idea how his brother had guessed that.
“What? No!” He blustered unconvincingly.
His brother simply raised a brow, side-eying him again.
“Okay, fine!” Sirius gave in. “You’re right — James is the nice one.”
Regulus made a smug-sounding ‘hm’ noise.
“But I’m nice too!” He scrambled for something to prove it. “Oh! You should use the Prefect Bathrooms instead! I know the password!”
“I am a Prefect, Sirius Orion. I know the fucking password.”
“Did you just middle name me?” Sirius reared back, disgusted. Then, he gasped. “Wait, did you just swear?! You’re a child — you can’t swear!”
Regulus looked him dead in the eyes. “Motherfucker.”
Sirius flailed, swatting at his brother. “No! You can’t swear! You’re a baby!”
“Fucking get off me you cunt!” Regulus batted him away. “I’m sixteen — I’m almost a bloody adult for fuck’s sake!”
“Where did I go wrong?” Sirius lamented dramatically. “I thought I raised you right!”
“You are insufferable.” Regulus huffed, picking up his walking pace again, trying to escape the Gryffindor.
“The fuck are you in a mood for?” Sirius eyed his little brother, finally observing him properly. The prick seemed tense and agitated — well, he always looked like that, but it was especially bad right now.
“None of your business.” Regulus scowled; it was that special scowl he wore when he didn’t want to talk about something but also desperately did at the same time.
Sirius grasped his arm, pulling him into an alcove whilst ignoring his brother’s protests.
“Okay.” He said once the coast was clear and looked his brother right in the eye. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Regulus folded his arms over his chest.
He was defensive. Interesting.
“I’m not judging.” Sirius assured him, voice quiet and sincere. “You and me against the world, yeah?”
It was something he used to tell his brother when they were young and still had unconditional faith in each other. They’d been through a lot of shit since then, but finally convincing Regulus to leave Grimmauld Place and join him at the Potters’ had gone a long way in repairing their relationship. Sirius was ready to have his brother’s back again, and he’d been trying so hard to prove that. (James told him to have patience. He seemed sure that Regulus still trusted him deep down and that he just needed to be there until the boy was ready to believe in them again. For an only child, James always gave really good advice when it came to Regulus.)
The younger boy blew out a breath, not meeting his eyes. “It’s stupid.”
Sirius could have cheered — Regulus was finally opening up to him!
“It’s not stupid if it’s bothering you.” He told his brother carefully, trying not to spook him back into his shell.
“It’s not—” Regulus fumbled for words.
Yes, that’s right: Regulus fumbled for words.
His jaw seemed to clench, and he stared intently at a spot on the wall. “It’s not bothering me. Quite the opposite, actually.”
Sirius had no idea what that meant. “It’s a good thing?”
Regulus’s eyes seemed to soften though his gaze remained fixed. “The best.”
Sirius knew all too well how difficult accepting good things could be.
“I don’t know what to do.” Regulus continued, quiet and frustrated.
“You’re allowed to have good things.” Sirius told him softly, echoing the words James had told him a while back.
The look his little brother gave him was heart-wrenching — scared and confused and conflicted. “But this is so good.” His voice was shaky. And Regulus didn’t really do shaky voices. “It’s too good.”
So, Sirius smiled comfortingly and placed a gentle palm against the boy’s cheek. He seemed to lean into it against his will.
“Then grab it with both hands.”
A small smile crept its way onto his brother’s face.
*
“Your advice is too unspecific.” Regulus cornered him a week later.
Sirius was about ready to throw a party; his brother was coming to him for advice — voluntarily this time! Would wonders never cease?
“Well, your predicament wasn’t specified.” Sirius countered, setting down his quill to give the younger boy his full attention.
Regulus seemed irritated by this, as though he would much prefer for Sirius to be able to see into his brain rather than have to speak actual words.
“I have… feelings.” He spat the last word so disgustedly it may as well have been flubberworm mucus.
Sirius bit back a laugh. His brother had a crush? That’s what this was about? Merlin and Morgana, this poor kid was so emotionally constipated.
Still, as an older brother, it was Sirius’s duty to help… while being a little shit about it, of course.
“Everyone has feelings.” He stated, purposefully unhelpful.
Regulus’s features scrunched up and he glared at Sirius, obviously knowing what he was up to. Still, he must have been really desperate for advice, because he powered through. “Not these feelings.”
Sirius forced back his shit-eating grin. “And what feelings would that be?”
Regulus’s gaze suddenly flamed like a burning inferno. “You know what! Don’t be difficult!”
He couldn’t hold in his laughter, chuckling to himself. “Yes, I do know. But I would like details because it will make giving advice easier.”
Regulus’s jaw clamped closed so tight, Sirius was sure he was grinding his teeth.
“Don’t grind.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
“Attitude.”
“Fine!” Regulus took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He didn’t quite manage it. “I have a crush.”
“Okay…” Sirius nodded, back into encouraging mode now — he’d had his fun.
“It’s stupid.” Regulus echoed his words from last time.
“Crushes aren’t stupid.” Sirius responded patiently. “Tell me about it.”
“He’s stupid.” Regulus spat out like it was a relief to say.
Oh. ‘He’. Okay then.
“He’s so fucking stupid!” Regulus continued, on a rampage now.
“And he’s perfect!” That part was sneered like an insult.
“I want to stab him.” Sirius made a mental note to book him in for a mind-healer session.
“I want to kiss his stupid face and twist the knife.” Merlin and Morgana.
“I want him to hurt. And laugh. And cry. Oh, I want him to cry.” Maybe Sirius should call the Aurors too?
“He’s too good.” Regulus seemed lost in his head. “I want to carve my name into his perfect skin.”
A pause.
“He has really nice skin.”
Sirius was mildly worried he was in the presence of a psychopathic killer.
“Ooooookaaaaaay.” Sirius coughed, trying to order his thoughts. “Uhm. Have you tried asking him on a date?”
The glare Regulus sent him was withering. “I can’t do that.”
Sirius tilted his head curiously. “And why not?”
Regulus seemed to growl in frustration. “Because he’s the wrong person.”
Oh. Oh, sweetie.
Sirius gave him a supportive smile. “There’s no such thing. You like who you like. And if he’s right for you, that’s all that matters.”
Regulus scanned his eyes over Sirius’s expression and body language with immense scrutiny. “Really?”
“Really.” He tried to give off as much of an encouraging energy as possible. “Sometimes, when it comes to love, it’s okay to be selfish. Choose who you want and don’t let anything stand in the way.”
Sirius smiled faintly, remembering how difficult it had been for him to admit his love for Remus to himself. He’d been selfish in choosing Remus, putting friendships at risk and fleeing his family to even have the possibility of pursuing it. But in the end, he got the guy, and he’d never let anything, not even himself, get in the way of loving his Moony again. Not ever.
“Okay.” Regulus nodded absently, seeming to take that in. “Just ask him out then?”
Sirius grinned. “Just ask him out.”
*
“Did I tell you he’s stupid?” Regulus lamented, lying across Sirius’s bed like a dramatic damsel in a painting or something.
“You did.” Sirius replied, a little bemused. “I take it, it didn’t go smoothly?”
“I asked him to Hogsmeade and he invited his friends along.” Regulus scowled like someone had pissed in his tea. “He’s an imbecile! He’s bloody fit but he’s dumb as rocks!”
“Oh, you going before or after you go with me and the boys?” Sirius wondered.
Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose. “Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”
“Hey!” Sirius spread his hands wide. “You came to me! Don’t insult me in my own dorm!”
“I need better advice.” Regulus stated clearly. “Give me better advice.”
“Well, I still don’t know who this guy is…” Sirius began thoughtfully, “… but if he’s that dumb, you’re going to have to show him you’re interested.”
Regulus paused and frowned. “How do I do that?”
Sirius generally wasn’t the one on this side of the relationship advice conversation. He tried to think back to advice he’d been given before — primarily by James (for a guy so single, he gave great love advice).
“You could tell him how you feel?” Sirius offered.
The look Regulus gave him could’ve sapped the life from plants.
He held up his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. Nevermind. You probably shouldn’t tell him you want to stab him anyway.”
Regulus seemed to imagine something. “He’d look so pretty with a knife at his throat.”
Salazar’s tits.
Therapy. His brother needed so much therapy. Sirius made a mental note to talk to Poppy.
“Please do not try that. Fear boners are rare.”
Regulus smirked but didn’t say anything.
Sirius ignored that for his own piece of mind.
“Why don’t you try and be more touchy with him?” Sirius suggested after a few moments of thought. That’s what he’d done with Remus. “You know, a hand on the arm here, a brush on the thigh there. Physical affection is always a good indicator without having to say something.”
His brother seemed to consider this. “Maybe you are not so useless after all.”
“Hey!” Sirius threw a pillow, hitting the little shit square in the face.
*
Sirius was over the moon. Regulus had been hanging around much more often lately, spending time with Sirius, making an effort with his friends. It warmed his heart to see, and he’d never been so happy with his life before.
He sighed contentedly, leaning back against Moony’s chest. “Just look at him.” He stated softly as he watched his little brother verbally eviscerate James. He was waving his arms passionately this way and that, while James stared wide-eyed — probably in shock.
Remus made a sceptical sort of hum. “You mean Regulus?”
“He looks so comfortable.” Sirius expanded, his heart feeling light in his chest. “He’s so quiet most of the time but now…”
“He’s comfortable enough to exist loudly.” Remus filled in, understanding lacing his tone now.
Regulus aggressively hit James in the chest and Sirius smiled.
“He’s touching people now too!” Sirius murmured excitedly. He didn’t think he’d ever been prouder.
Remus huffed a small laugh. “If beating Prongs up counts as progress, then this is definitely progress.”
“It counts.” He insisted. “Don’t take this away from me.”
His boyfriend dropped a kiss into his hair. “Okay, then. I won’t.”
“You’re so stupid!” Regulus exclaimed in annoyance, recapturing Sirius’s attention. James appeared befuddled before him.
“Probably. But about what this time?” James asked, completely genuine.
Regulus punched him in the arm. “This!”
“Ow.” James rubbed the spot a bit resentfully. “How am I supposed to know what that means?”
The noise Regulus let out was deeply frustrated. He looked away and flexed his fingers as if envisioning strangling someone.
“Hey, hey.” James soothed softly; he reached out and took one of the Slytherin’s hands, clasping it firmly in both of his own. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry. Do you think you can forgive me?”
Regulus stared at their joined hands, seeming frozen for several moments. Sirius almost cut in to tell James to knock it off, because he knew his brother hated being touched, but eventually Regulus relaxed.
“Fine.” He bit out and James beamed.
“Thank you.” Prongs said sincerely. “I’ll do better. Just tell me what to do.”
Regulus breathed through his nose as if he’d been given a Herculean task. “Be appreciative.” He instructed.
James, bless him, frowned in confusion but nodded, nonetheless. “Okay. I appreciate you. I appreciate you beating me up for no apparent reason.”
Regulus seemed satisfied by this. “You should.”
A disbelieving but amused and relieved laugh escaped James. He smiled wide. “Alright then. Appreciate the punches — got it.”
Incredibly, Regulus’s lips turned up the slightest amount.
He was smiling! Actually smiling!
He’d come so far.
Sirius melted further into Remus, radiating joy. If things were going so well with James, it boded well for Regulus’s little crush. The kid would be all smiles then and Sirius couldn’t wait.
*
“It didn’t work.” Regulus told him later when it was just the two of them.
Sirius’s eyebrows drew in as he regarded his little brother. “The touching thing?”
“Yes.” He answered tightly. “He didn’t understand.”
Sirius scooted closer. “Are you sure? He didn’t freeze or stare or melt?”
“He recoiled actually.” Regulus scowled unhappily.
That wasn’t good. Sirius tried to think. “Do you think he’s straight?”
“He’s not straight.” Came the sure answer.
Sirius thought some more. “Well, how did it go exactly? I mean, you even let Prongs hold your hand earlier and he’s fucking Prongs — I thought you were getting better with this shit.”
Regulus ground his teeth. “He didn’t see the touching as romantic.”
“Did you touch him in a romantic way?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask. “Not like how you did with James earlier.”
Regulus seemed highly displeased. “I touched him. That’s romantic.” He insisted. “He should have been grateful.”
“Did he seem grateful?” Sirius wondered if the guy really knew how much of a big deal physical contact was for his brother.
Regulus let out a breath. “Eventually. I had to tell him.”
Well, at least he was communicating his issues.
“That’s progress.” Sirius tried to be positive. “Maybe try to make the romance more obvious next time.”
“How?” Regulus forced the word out.
“I don’t know…” He shrugged, sitting back again. “Hold his hand. Sit in his lap. Touch his cheek. Hug him slightly too long.”
Those were a bit forward, but Regulus’s communication issues plus the guy’s idiocy probably needed the extra clarity.
Regulus shifted in his seat, seeming distinctly uncomfortable. “Are there other options?”
Sirius heaved a sigh. “You could always just flirt. It’s the oldest trick in the book.”
“How does one… flirt?”
Merlin and Morgana.
“Compliment him.” Sirius suggested. “Make sexual innuendos. Imply you like spending time with him. I don’t really know, you’re just going to have to go with your gut on this one.”
Regulus contemplated this. “He likes being insulted. He thinks it’s funny.”
Sirius beamed. “That’s perfect for you! You love insulting people!”
The boy smirked. “Yes, I do.”
“Try to spring off that.” Sirius advised. “Throw out some insults and combine it with flirting.”
The most brilliant idea known to man suddenly came to him.
“Oh! You can practice with Prongs! He’s great at flirting and he takes insults like a champ — just ask Evans.”
Regulus shook his head and closed his eyes. “Surrounded. By. Idiots.”
Sirius ignored him, basking in his wonderful plan.
*
“Let me get this straight.” Remus seemed disbelieving. “You told Regulus to flirt with Prongs. And you told Prongs to flirt back.” An incredulous pause. “For practice.”
“Great idea, right?” Sirius grinned. “Reggie’s gonna get his crush in no time!”
Remus pressed his fingers to his lips, seeming at a loss for words. Eventually, he swallowed. “No time at all.”
“Prongsie’s great at flirting.” Sirius snuggled into his boyfriend’s side. “Regulus will get lessons from the pro. And it’s not like James will get thrown off by his insults.”
Remus took some deep breaths. “You’re not wrong.”
He looked up at his boyfriend. “You don’t think it’s a good idea?”
Moony appeared to choose his words carefully. “I don’t think this will have the outcome you expect.”
Sirius frowned but his boyfriend refused to elaborate, so they left it at that, instead tuning back to Regulus’s flirting session with James.
“Your hair is atrocious.” The little shit was saying. “You look like you’ve been fucked by a hurricane.”
Sirius winced at the poor attempt at banter.
“What can I say?” James smirked, unruffled. “I like it rough.”
Regulus ground his teeth.
“And you?” James continued, staring into Sirius’s brother’s eyes. “What do you like?”
“People who know how to shut up.” Regulus bit out harshly.
James was, once again, unfazed. “We should try that sometime. I’m sure you can think of some ways to shut me up.”
Regulus exhaled shakily and Sirius suddenly understood Remus’s hesitance. He felt highly uncomfortable watching his best friend flirt aggressively with his brother, and his brother attempt to flirt back. It was weird because Sirius considered them both brothers in a way, and the tension in the air was utterly obscene.
“Okay, I was wrong!” Sirius called out. “Stop this at once! I feel like I’m going to throw up!”
“No.” Regulus said flatly. “Go away.”
James held up his hands in surrender. “I just do what I’m told. And for my part, at least, I’m feeling fine.”
“Good. Because we are not stopping.” Regulus decided for them.
Sirius tried to protest but his brother ignored him.
“Your face is stupid.” Regulus told James, aggravated as always, though it was probably Sirius’s fault this time.
“Stupid for you.” James batted back after glancing awkwardly at Sirius. “I lose my thoughts when you are near.”
“I feel violent when you are near.” Regulus growled out, sounding almost truthful.
James swallowed, eyes on the Slytherin. “They say there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain. Do you care to find it?”
“I care to dance upon it.” Regulus’s words were sharp rather than romantic, but James didn’t seem to mind. “I care to string you up with that line.”
James’s pupils blew wide.
This was a mistake. A grave mistake.
Sirius hadn’t accounted for how much Regulus’s apparent flirting style would turn his best friend on. How could he forget the prick had a thing for a good mean streak?
“Would you struggle, I wonder?” Regulus continued, making Sirius nauseous. “Would you fight, or would you know your place?”
“Beneath you?” James whispered, obviously affected.
“At my feet.” Regulus corrected, the picture of confidence suddenly. “On your knees.”
James’s breathing had become shallow.
“Prongs!” Sirius called sharply in reprimand. He couldn’t let this go on any longer than it had.
James abruptly reared back, blinking wildly and turning away. He cleared his throat several times, hands flailing awkwardly. “I think you’ve got it, Reg!” He managed in a strained voice. “You don’t need my help at all! Just— do it just like that. If he’s not into you after that, he’s a fucking fool.”
Regulus seemed torn between pleased and annoyed. “He is a fool.”
“Then he should be your fool.” James said, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “He should devote himself to making you smile and torment himself for your entertainment. He would be lucky to do so.”
Regulus seemed lost for words.
Despite himself, Sirius was touched by his best friend’s passionate speech too. “Prongs is right, Reggie. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”
Regulus was still staring at James, his lips parted like he wanted to speak but couldn’t find his voice.
“I’m going to go for a fly.” James started to back away. “But good luck with the guy, Reg. Really.”
Regulus watched him go.
*
His little brother was troubled, and Sirius didn’t know what to do about it. He’d stopped coming to Sirius for advice and started pushing him away again. He just couldn’t figure out why.
“Reggie. Reggie come on.” He pleaded with his brother. “Just tell me what’s wrong. I can tell you’re upset.”
“You can’t help me.” Regulus dismissed, bringing his book closer to his face in an attempt to shut Sirius out.
He would not be deterred.
“I’m your brother, Reggie. Even if I can’t help, I’m here for you. Let me be here for you.”
Regulus swallowed and took a deep breath. He abruptly closed his book. “Are you sure?” He stared intensely into Sirius’s eyes. “Will you support me no matter what? You won’t be angry with me?”
“Of course not.” Sirius frowned, concerned. “I love you more than anyone in the world. I’m here, Reggie. I’m with you.”
“Do you love me more than Remus?” Regulus asked, his voice tight.
Sirius wasn’t ashamed to say that “I do.”
He loved Moony, but his Reggie would always come first.
“More than James?” Regulus’s voice came out small and Sirius resisted the urge to wrap him up in a hug like he used to do when they were young — Regulus wouldn’t stand for it nowadays.
“More than James.” Sirius confirmed, meeting his gaze head-on to demonstrate his sincerity.
There was a long pause before Regulus nodded, seeming to make a decision.
“It’s James.”
Sirius blinked, thrown for a loop. “What about James? Are you worried he’s replacing you again? I thought we’d put that to rest.” Sirius tried to think. “Did he do something? Merlin, did he upset you?” Anger surged through his body. “I’ll kill him. You understand? I’ll kill him if he hurt you.”
Regulus, twisted little shit that he was, smiled faintly at his ferocity. “He hasn’t hurt me.”
Sirius attempted to settle down, but he felt restless now. “Okay. What about James then? I don’t follow.”
“My crush is James.” Regulus stated neutrally and Sirius’s mind just about exploded.
“Your crush is James?” Sirius burst out. “Dorky, nerdy, James? Obsessed with Quidditch, James? Biggest flirt on the face of the planet, James?”
“He’s intelligent, athletic and charming.” Regulus quietly reframed the words in his own view. “And he’s good, Siri. Too good.”
Realisation dawned on Sirius extraordinarily late.
The talk about struggling to accept good things.
The beating James up to show his affection.
The aggressive flirting that had made Sirius want to blow his brains out.
He’d been helping his brother pull his best friend all along.
“Merlin’s tits.” Sirius swore. “Fucking hell.”
Another flood of memories hit him as though this revelation had unlocked them.
The way Regulus smiled at James, tentative and raw. The way James beamed back, smaller but realer than his normal smiles.
The way they looked at each other, utterly enraptured. As if they could see the world in each other’s eyes.
The way Regulus felt comfortable enough around James to be loud. And to make his very fucked up versions of jokes. And to touch James voluntarily in public.
The way their personalities fit together perfectly, the very paragon of opposites attract.
The way James had been moping as much as Regulus lately. The way he would struggle to say yes to Regulus if Sirius didn’t give him permission. Because he was loyal. Because he was good — just like Regulus had said.
“You are in my way.” Regulus said then, quiet and measured. “But I don’t want to hurt you. And I don’t know what to do.”
Sirius wasn’t sure how to feel.
Something like betrayal clawed at him. His brother stealing his best friend. His best friend choosing his brother over him.
But that hadn’t happened. They had done nothing. They stood, wanting each other, pining for each other, with Sirius like a roadblock between them. And neither of them had tried to toss him aside.
The pair made sense in so many ways, Sirius couldn’t even find the words to properly describe it. James was sunshine and Regulus was rain. Together they could grow the most beautiful garden if they got the chance to try.
He felt suddenly awful for being the obstacle in the middle of them. But he couldn’t help his own fears and insecurities creeping up.
“Do you love me enough to leave him be?” Sirius asked, knowing he was being unfair.
Tears gathered in his little brother’s eyes but would not fall. “If that is what you wish.”
“You would never pursue him again?” Sirius checked. “You would choose me over him?”
Regulus stayed strong, despite his clear melancholia. “If that is what you wish.”
Sirius’s heart clenched painfully. His answer was clear. It was the only option.
“I’ll fix it.” He promised his precious baby brother. “I’ll tell him it’s okay. I’ll fix it, Reggie.”
Regulus finally surged towards him. “Thank you.” He gasped into Sirius’s shoulder. “Thank you.”
Sirius just held him in a tight embrace and let him cry. He didn’t say anything.
*
James sat stock still, like the terrified deer he was. He was a prey animal, and Sirius was a predator. All it had taken was one look at Sirius’s face, and he knew that Sirius knew. He knew that he was in trouble.
“Are you going to beat me up now?” He asked, seeming ready to accept that fate if it came.
Sirius silently walked across the dorm, taking slow strides, while his best friend tracked his movements carefully. He sat on the bed opposite James and steepled his fingers.
“I want you to leave him alone.” Sirius stated clearly.
James flinched.
“I don’t want you talking to him.” Sirius continued, his voice quiet but firm. “I don’t want you around him. Do you understand?”
James was Regulus’s opposite. He started crying immediately.
“Pads.” He sobbed, conflict reflected in his eyes.
“If he asks, you say you are not interested. That you were playing with him and nothing more.” Sirius’s voice was dark and sharp, the Black blood in his veins shining through. “If you touch him, I will cut your fingers off. If you look at him, I will gouge your eyes out. Do you understand?”
James wept harder, curling in on himself. “Padfoot please.”
Sirius was unmoved by the display.
He could see the battle raging inside of James. The care he had for his best friend warring with his evidently very strong feelings for Regulus. All Sirius was interested in was which side would win.
“Leave him alone.” Sirius reiterated, voice hard.
“I can’t.” James’s words sounded broken as they left him.
“You can’t?” Sirius stood slowly, towering over James’s form.
His best friend looked a pathetic puddle of tears and snot, but Sirius watched his eyes closely. He could practically see the rigid morals in there bend as his loyalty unravelled.
“I c-can’t lo-ose him.” James gasped out, breath shuddering.
He was falling apart at the seams, but he met Sirius’s gaze anyway. Brave soul that he was, James looked Sirius in the eye as he spat on their friendship.
“But you can lose me?” Sirius asked, his face like stone. “Do you love him more than me?”
“I-I don’ wanna ch…choose.” James sobbed wretchedly.
Sirius wouldn’t stand for it.
“You have to. It’s him or me.”
James was a fractured shell of himself, cracked into pieces and shattered onto the floor. His loyalty was hanging by a thread and Sirius wondered if it was strong enough to hold them up.
“S-Si-rius…”
He waited.
“I’m s-sorry.”
He waited.
“‘m so sorry!”
He waited.
“It’s him!” James wailed through his tears. “‘s always been him!”
…
Sirius smiled.
He dropped the facade and descended upon his best friend, wrapping him up in a hug.
“That’s good, Prongsie.” He squeezed James tightly. “That’s exactly the right answer.”
“What?” James’s tears continued to fall even in his utter confusion.
“You should always choose Reggie over me.” Sirius ran a soothing hand up and down his back. “You chose right, Prongs.”
“What?” James said again, still crying, so Sirius pulled back to look at him.
His face was damp with tears, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy, and his whole body was shaking minutely, wet little hiccups escaping him. Sirius generally thought of him as larger than life and unshakeable, but he seemed small and vulnerable right now. Sirius thought he was probably in shock. The sudden switch-up must have been hard to process and he didn’t seem all there yet.
He placed a gentle hand on James’s cheek and looked him in the eye, smiling gently. “Reggie is my baby. You were supposed to choose him, and you did good. Now, you get to keep us both, and you have my blessing.”
James laughed wetly in disbelief. It turned quickly into more tears.
He shuddered in Sirius’s arms, completely overwhelmed, but Sirius held him through it, murmuring soothing words in his ear and petting a hand through his unruly hair. It took a long while for James to collect himself.
“I can date Reg?” He finally got the words out, his tone hopeful but cautious.
“I will be upset if you don’t.” Sirius told him with a gentle smile. “I just had to make sure that you’ll treat him right. That you will always put him first.”
James clumsily swiped at his eyes. “I will. I swear.”
“I know.” Sirius smirked, a touch cruel. “You were willing to lose me and have your eyes gouged out. If that’s not proof, I don’t know what is.”
James looked exhausted. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Good.” Sirius met his gaze, voice threatening once more. “Because if you ever hurt him, I will hurt you. I don’t care that we’re best friends. You will not survive me if you upset him.”
Fantastically, this did not seem to faze James nearly as much. He just nodded as if the words made perfect sense. “That’s fair. Make it slow and painful.”
He was perfect for Regulus. Sirius was so pleased.
“So, how are you going to ask him out?” He grinned happily. “Will there be doves?”
James warily shook his head. “Regulus wouldn’t like doves.”
Sirius conceded this point. “What will you do then? It has to be romantic.”
James shifted awkwardly, clearly nervous about Sirius’s opinion. “I’ll write him a letter.”
His features scrunched up immediately. “A letter? No, that’s dumb. Do something better.”
James swallowed anxiously. “I sent him a letter every day last Summer.” He admitted quietly.
Sirius blinked. “When he was still at Grimmauld?”
James hummed a ‘yes’. “I never signed them because I knew they might be intercepted, and most of them were inconsequential. Nothing your parents could possibly get mad about.”
Sirius was suddenly getting a much better picture of why Regulus was so enamoured with him. “What did you write?”
“Some quotes from books.” James answered, not looking at him. “Things I noticed that day. Sometimes it was as simple as the words: ‘It rained today.’ Or something equally inane. Sometimes I would write lies. Sometimes I would write truths. Like: ‘The sky is green.’ or Blood is red.’ There was nothing truly emotional in them, nothing about my life, or you, or asking him any questions. It was mostly just one stupid declarative sentence a day, or a jumble of words.”
He took a deep breath.
“I never received anything back, but he didn’t tell me to stop, and I like to think it helped. To know someone was thinking of him. To receive something meant just for him. Every single day.” He shrugged a little. “I don’t know honestly. We haven’t discussed it. But I thought I could send him a letter to ask him out. Just a single sentence again probably. ‘Will you go out with me?’ perhaps. I’ll think about it.”
Sirius stared at his friend, suddenly overcome. This boy had cared for his brother that much? Right under Sirius’s nose? “You never told me you were doing that.”
James bit the inside of his lip. “It wasn’t about you. It had nothing to do with you, really. And it wasn’t romantic at the time. I just thought he could do with some hope — a reminder of the outside world. My feelings for him came later.”
Sirius nodded slowly, taking that in. “You love him, don’t you?”
It was clear to Sirius now. James was always one to fall hard and fast. His devotion was always an absolute thing. Unconditional. It was the type of love Sirius had always hoped his brother would have.
And James, sweet brave James, met his gaze, even with the fear that his eyes held. “I do.”
Sirius smiled, his heart soaring. “He’s going to love the letter.”
*
Sirius watched as James’s owl, Beaky (James named her as a child), swooped down from above, landing beside Regulus at the breakfast table. She seemed to know him, and he seemed to know her just as well, feeding her scraps off his plate in a familiar motion as he untied the note from her leg.
His gaze raised up to the Gryffindor table, finding James at Sirius’s side with ease. James smiled, not as big as Sirius was used to from him, but somehow more real, and Regulus didn’t smile back but there was something bright in his eyes.
They flicked to Sirius momentarily and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling wide at his little brother, showing his support.
Next, Regulus returned his focus to the letter in his hand, absently petting the bird as he opened it.
His eyes scanned over the contents rapidly before jumping up to James.
Then down at the letter again, reading a second time. A third.
He looked up at Sirius who raised an eyebrow, silently asking Regulus what he wanted to do.
Regulus gazed down at the letter again and smiled. Properly smiled. His teeth were showing and everything! He seemed to laugh a little to himself and shake his head, biting his lip in an attempt to contain his happiness.
Sirius hadn’t seen him so joyful in years.
He nudged his friend, Crouch, who reached into his pocket after a few words were exchanged, producing a quill and a bottle of ink.
James gasped as he started to write on the back of the parchment.
“He’s writing back!” Prongs whispered, hands instinctively pawing at Sirius. “Oh, Merlin, he’s writing back!”
It was fucking adorable.
Regulus smirked mischievously and affixed the letter back to Beaky’s leg, murmuring some words to the bird. It didn’t take long for her to soar across the hall to the Gryffindor table.
James stared at Regulus, then at the letter, then at Regulus, then at the letter. He seemed jittery and nervous, but Regulus just continued to smirk.
Eventually, James’s Gryffindor courage seemed to seize him, and he reached for the note, stroking Beaky absentmindedly. She started to peck at his breakfast, but he paid her no mind as he unrolled the letter with shaking fingers.
I am going on a date.
The words were elegantly written in Regulus’s neat script, the letters perfectly formed. A short declarative sentence just like the ones James had sent him so many times.
James let out a delighted laugh.
“Hell yeah, you are!” He yelled loudly which made Regulus smile and then promptly cover his mouth to hide it, looking away.
Meanwhile, James was blushing and giggling like he was thirteen again, fist-pumping repeatedly in unadulterated joy. “Merlin and Morgana. Merlin and Morgana!”
Sirius’s cheeks were hurting from smiling at the pure show of wholesome excitement and happiness evident in both his best friend and his brother. He couldn’t believe he’d missed it. They were so clearly gone for each other, it was practically written on their foreheads.
It may sting a bit, that they chose each other. That Sirius was now second fiddle in James’s mind, and would likely soon be in Regulus’s too. But how could he deny them this? How could anyone look at the pair of them, freaking out over the prospect of a single date, and want to stand in the way?
His best friend and his brother. His brother and his best friend.
Sirius would find a way to be okay with it. He couldn’t do anything else when they looked at each other like that.
*
“You’re insufferable.”
“Mhm?”
“Impertinent.”
“Yeah?”
“You make me want to kick your perfect teeth in.”
“Perfect teeth? That’s nice.”
“You are the bane of my existence.”
“Oh?”
“You aggravate me.”
“I’m sorry, my love.”
“I want to bite. Break your skin. Sink my teeth in.”
“I think that can be arranged.”
Sirius had finally had enough.
“For the love of Hecate, can you two shut up?!” He yelled frustratedly at his brother and his best friend, curled up together on the sofa opposite. “And stop defiling him like that! That’s my baby brother!”
But James wouldn’t dare listen to Sirius over Regulus. (As he should.) And so, he continued peppering gentle kisses against his boyfriend’s neck. “No can do, Pads. Reg deserves some lovin’.”
Regulus’s smirk was evil and superior. “Don’t stop, Jamie.”
“Of course, my love.”
Sirius had never stood a chance.
James’s love was unfettered devotion. Pure and simple. He would likely do whatever Regulus told him and some part of Sirius was glad for it. That his brother got to have this.
Because Regulus’s love was prickly. It was thorny. It hurt to touch and not everyone could handle that. James was a rare soul to crave a dark love that bit back at him. Rabid. Feral. Excruciating.
So, Sirius was glad for them. For his brother in particular — James was easy to love but Regulus was truthfully harder, and Sirius hadn’t been totally sure that someone would. Not with the ease that James managed it.
He was trying to be supportive. He made jokes about too much PDA and poked fun a lot, but he was happy for them. Truly.
All that said, this was a bit much. And Sirius was feeling particularly irked today, after being subjected to half an hour of that lovey dovey nonsense. (If Regulus’s threats to James’s person could even be counted as such.) So, he started trying to turn James off — a game Remus liked to call: ‘How morally grey can Regulus make James?’.
“Prongs, you have no self-preservation.” He began in a deriding drawl. “Reggie told me once that he wants to hurt you.”
James was unfazed. “Oh yeah?” He purred, kissing Regulus’s neck.
“He wants to make you cry.” Sirius tried again, hoping to Hecate that there was something in existence that would cease James’s arousal.
“Promises, promises.”
“He wants to carve his name into your skin.”
James’s breath hitched. “I want him to carve his name into my skin.”
Regulus rewarded him by carding a hand through his hair, staring straight at Sirius as he did so, a smug smirk on his lips.
Sirius huffed, properly annoyed now. He reached for the most extreme thing he could think of.
“He wants to stab you!”
They all froze.
“Christ, Sirius.” Remus muttered.
He’d probably spoken a bit too loud considering they were in the Gryffindor Common Room.
James pulled back to stare at Regulus, ignoring or oblivious to the eyes on them now. “You want to stab me?” His voice was carefully neutral.
Wait! Did Sirius finally find James’s line in the sand?
To his credit, Regulus stared right back, not shying away from his boyfriend’s gaze. “A little bit.”
“With a knife?” James’s face wasn’t giving anything away.
“How else?” Regulus returned evenly.
“Did you dream of it?” James’s chest was rising and falling a little quick now. A hint of fear rising to the surface.
“Yes.”
“Where?” His voice finally started to strain. “Where did you stab me in your dream?”
Regulus tilted his head, watching his boyfriend curiously. “Right in the heart.”
James abruptly sagged. Like his strings had been cut.
“I need a mind-healer so bad.”
Then he captured Regulus’s lips in a passionate kiss.
Merlin’s tits.
Sirius really did want to feel annoyed, but he was too busy judging them. Hard. “Who the fuck thinks it’s hot when your partner wants to stab you?”
“You think Moony’s claws are hot.” Remus murmured quietly.
“That’s completely different.” Sirius argued, trying desperately to avoid looking at his best friend’s heated makeout session with his baby brother.
Remus dipped his lips to brush against Sirius’s ear. “So you don’t think it would be hot, if I were to rake my claws down your chest while you ride my cock?”
Sirius’s brain short-circuited. “You wouldn’t kill me, though.”
“Wouldn’t I?”
Sirius suddenly didn’t care about James’s tongue down Regulus’s throat. He was far too busy with Remus’s tongue down his.