Work Text:
Yoon Sol entered her home, took her shoes off, changed into comfortable clothes, like every other day.
It was a routine for her.
She would eat, wash dishes, clean up her already clean home and work on her assignments from college.
Everyday was like that for her.
Simple as that.
Except it really wasn't.
Her yearning growing stronger everyday.
She would sit in bed and just let her mind wander into what ifs, maybes, hopefullys, and if onlys.
Ever since she realized she liked her she just decided to keep it to herself because what else can she do right? Its not like she can just go up to her best friend of many years and just, “Hey Jiwan, I really fucking like you so much I wanna go out with you, and be in a relationship with you, and do the cringy cliche things other couples do.”
If only she could tell her.
If only she felt the same way.
If only she would tell her everything she wants to hear.
If only…
Her longing for physical touch she sees others do.
Her longing for her to love her the way she loves her.
Her longing for her to hopefully, one day, tell her she feels the same way.
Her deepest desires of both of them being deeply in love with each other.
She's aware that Jiwan may never like her back. She knows that she will always be Jiwans friend no matter what. Even if it starts to slowly break her from the inside out. Even if it starts to affect her at college or anywhere.
Yoon Sol snapped out of her thoughts and went to sleep, like everyday.
She reminded herself that this was her reality and that she couldn't do anything about it.
She fell asleep to her own thoughts reassuring herself that it was gonna be fine and that it was okay.
~~~
Seo Jiwan entered her home, washed up, ate, and did her work.
Her everyday routine.
She was happy about it. It made her comfortable to do the same things everyday.
It relaxed her after a long day of classes and work.
One thing she didn't like was how she noticed Yoon Sol spacing out more and more often.
She was worried about her. She looked like she hadn't been sleeping well for the past few weeks.
She wanted to ask her what was going on.
But she knew she couldn't.
She couldn't because she had a feeling she knew what it was about.
She couldn't because she didn't know how she herself felt about it.
She couldn't because she was afraid of what may happen if things went wrong.
She just couldn't.
So she just watched her. She saw her slowly space out and then come back as if nothing happened.
She wished she could talk to her though.
She wished she had the courage to figure herself out.
She wished for a lot of things.
How easy it would be to just own up to what she feels and just confess.
But life just doesn't seem to be that way.
Its hard. It hurts. It breaks you down. It plays with you.
In short, it fucks you up until you cant no more and you have to bring yourself back up again being stronger than you were.
And then the cycle repeats.
She knew it was hard.
She knew herself better than anyone else
She was just too much of a coward to own up to herself and do something about it.
Seo Jiwan packed her backpack for the next school day.
She unmade her bed and went to sleep. At the end of the day. Like every other day.