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[Close up shot of an insane asylum on a stormy night. Inside, Doctor Maurice the Orangutan is in a lab of sorts with his assistant Carl, who is a serval.]
Maurice: Is he ready?
Carl: Oh, uh. Lemme just uh, get him, Sir.
[Carl wheels in a patient, who is none other than Ripper Roo in a straight jacket on a hospital bed, strained to it. He has a muzzle on, mumbling.]
Maurice: One shot of this, and he will be cured from his chronic insanity and become a functioning member of society.
[Maurice puts the syringe close to his neck, but Roo kicks it and breaks from the strains and spins around, the muzzle flying off.]
Maurice: By science, he’s free! Catch him!
[Carl runs after him nonchalantly, who is bouncing all over the room.]
Carl: He uh, is too, uh, slippery. Uh. Can’t catch him.
[Roo drops in front of him and makes a loud noise. Carl jumps up and hisses.]
Maurice: No, my patient! You mustn’t escape!
[Ripper Roo runs through the wall and leaves a Ripper Roo shaped hole in the wall.]
Maurice: Oh what have I done? The sheer horrors that await those who are most unfortunate to cross paths with he who has no moral compass or regard for all living things! What gruesome and vile events shall transpire from this blunder? The citizens of Baldry Town are at great risk! Mobius is doomed to a deranged force of nature that will bring forth apocalyptic destruction!
Carl: Shall I uh alert the press again?
Maurice: Yes, alert the press again. [The music stops.]
[Meanwhile, Robotnik is chasing Sonic and Tails in his Egg Wrecker. The wrecking ball swings and Sonic dodges it several times.]
Robotnik: Stand still, you spasmodic super freak!
Sonic: Sorry, Charlie. Looks like you have to get good! [Sticks his tongue out at Robotnik.]
[Robotnik’s blood boils and he sets his machine to maximum force. It swings the wrecking ball so hard, it launches it around the globe, and hits the Egg Mobile from behind, shattering it and Robotnik falls to the ground.]
Robotnik: I HATE THAT HEDGEHOOOG! [Splats on the ground. He gets up seeing stars.] You haven’t seen the last of me, Sonic! [He stumbles away.]
Sonic: Looks like Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, Tails.
Tails: Do you think Baldry Town will be safe?
Sonic: I don’t think he’ll come back with that wrecking ball anytime soon.
Tails: Gee, Sonic. He might need a doctor. Do doctors need doctors?
Sonic: Hm. Naaah. Whaddya say, Tails. Are those chili dogs calling our names or what?
Tails: They sure are! I’m just glad everything is going to be okay!
[Robotnik stumbles back to his lair and lays on his throne solemnly, turning on the television. Stumpina the Obscenely Large Woman is playing.]
Stumpina: I hope nobody ruins my bacon cheddar enlarged chocolate sundae blast with fried sprinkles!
[Roy the Hedgehog, who is a poorly made 3D model that is orange with a blue belly, appears and slaps the sundae out of Stumpina’s hand.]
Stumpina: AAAAAH! I hate that hedgehog!
[Robotnik grits his teeth.]
Robotnik: Everywhere I go, I can not escape his presence!
“Breaking news!”
Robotnik: What is this?
[Roxy the raccoon in a news anchor dress is in front of a nearby city.]
Roxy: This just in, an escaped asylum patient has been running rampant in the streets of Baldry Town and might be in your neighborhood. No one has gotten a good look at him, but he’s quick and appears as a blue blur.
Robotnik: WHAT? Another blasphemous blue blur on Mobius? Sonic wasn’t enough and now another one?
Coconuts: Well the chances of him coming here are slim.
Robotnik: That is true. Just the mere sight of a cyan creature of calamity is the last thing I need to see or hear.
[An alarm goes off.]
Robotnik: Argh, what is it now?
[Slither the purple Caterkiller appears.]
Slither: Something has breached your lair, Robotnik Sir!
Robotnik: Scratch! Grounder!
[Both appear out of nowhere.]
Both: Yes Sir!
Robotnik: Go find out what sounded the alarm and capture it!
Grounder: But what if it’s a big scary monster!
Robotnik: GET OUT THERE YOU MECHANICAL MAGGOTS!
[They scurry off.]
Coconuts: Yeah! Get to it!
Robotnik: Why is my floor scrubber talking and not scrubbing?
Coconuts: Actually, Dr. Robotnik sir, I cleaned the entire lair from top to bottom. [Grins largely.]
Robotnik: Oh, well good work! Now your next task is to help Scratch and Grounder find the intruder!
Coconuts: Aw man…
Slither: And what about me, Dr. Robotnik?
Robotnik: You can guard yours truly in my impenetrable throne room! Hahahaha!
Slither: Eheh…hahaha!
[Robotnik pats Slither on the head and laughs maniacally.]
[The three badniks enter one of the rooms where they are created.]
Grounder: I sure hope it isn’t a large scary m-monster!
Scratch: Oh grow up! Since when are you scared of monsters?
Grounder: Ever since Robotnik programmed me to be scared of that one movie with the singing plant monster. Oh it’s too horrifying to think about!
Scratch: [Groans] Well it’s not too scary here anyways.
[The power goes out. Only their eyeballs can be seen.]
Grounder: OH NO!
Coconuts: Relax, scaredy cat. [His siren lights up a small area around them. He takes out a flashlight.] Let’s just get this over with. Maybe Robotnik will finally see us as his most beloved Badniks!
[The flashlight shines on Roo who has his back turned to them.]
Scratch: Well it’s not a big monster.
Coconuts: But what is it?
[Roo turns to them, drooling on the floor.]
Grounder: I’m not going near that!
Scratch: Fine, you big baby! [He looks at Roo, somewhat intimidated and approaches him.] Heyyy, you. Um, you are not supposed to be here. So if we can escort you out, we will have no trouble here, okay? [Slowly reaches for him.]
[Roo instantly bites his hand clean off with one chomp and chews on it like it’s crunchy chicken skin.]
Scratch: YEEEAAAOW!
Grounder: He’s the escaped patient!
Coconuts: Well he never said he wanted him alive! [Takes out a laser blaster and shoots at Roo. He hops away, laughing his iconic stock laugh from Lady and the Tramp.] Get back here!
[Roo spits out nuts and bolts, dismantling the blaster and breaking Coconuts’ siren and flashlight, leaving everyone in the dark.]
Scratch: Dang it! Now we’re back to square one
Coconuts: When I get my hands on that guy…I’m gonna really let ‘em have it!
Scratch: Where the heck is he anyways?
[Roo’s eyes pop next to them. He laughs as the others scream in fear. Cuts to Robotnik sitting and pondering.]
Robotnik: What is taking those ionized idiots this long to catch one measly intruder?
Slither: Perhaps they got scared off?
Robotnik: I assume so! [They both laugh.]
[A wrapped present drops from the vents above Robotnik.]
Robotnik: What the? [He observes it. It says: “For Robotnik.”] For Robotnik? [Lights up.] I’m Robotnik! [He opens it and finds a stick of lit dynamite and it explodes before he could react. His face is covered in soot.]
[Roo drops down from the vent and smushes Slither in one stomp, laughing. Robotnik grits his teeth.]
Ripper Roo: [Translated from his gibberish.] TRY AND CATCH ME *****!
Robotnik: BLASTED CURSED CYAN CREATURE! [Gasps] Slither! [Starts sobbing like a sprinkler.]
[Roo spits a band-aid on the crushed Slither. Robotnik tries to grab him but he’s too slow.]
Robotnik: I’ll fix you in a second, my precious Slither.
[Robotnik’s voice is heard over the intercom.]
“ATTENTION BADNIKS! I am calling open season on a blue kangaroo in a straight jacket! Destroy him!”
[A bunch of Badniks from across the first three Sonic games and some from the show run after Ripper Roo, but he turns around and is carrying Fang’s missile launcher. They all turn around and run away and he fires at them, blowing them all up. Robotnik speaks angry gibberish.]
Robotnik: If you need something done, do it yourself.
[He gets in a mech with his mustache on it. He crashes into one room and fires several missiles at Roo. He rides one and flings it at Robotnik. The mech explodes but he ejects at the last second. He tries to do Sonic’s spin dash but falls flat on his face.]
Robotnik: Ugh…well it’s just you and me! [He raises his fists.]
[Roo starts hacking up something large. He eventually spits out a missile from earlier and sends Robotnik blasting off again. Roo laughs and runs out of his lair that is now in shambles.]
[Sonic is in Baldry Town with Tails sightseeing. Kyle the Badger is Mayor.]
Kyle: Thank you once again for saving our newly developed town. I never knew our town was built under very valuable minerals that evil doctor was after.
Sonic: No prob!
Kyle: I heard you like chili dogs.
Sonic: Like ‘em? I love ‘em!
Tails: I think it’s all he eats.
Kyle: Well from this day forward, I deem this day National Chili Dog Day to commemorate Sonic for bravely defending us!
Sonic: Every day is chili dog day with me! But this is pretty rad. But don’t forget about my trusty sidekick, Tails. He deserves as much credit as me!
Tails: Thanks, Sonic!
[Sonic pats Tails on the head. A monkey Mobian with a camera takes a picture of the two heroes. A small porcupine approaches them.]
“I’m Sonic-Lad! I’m your biggest fan!”
Tails: We’re becoming heroes!
Sonic: Well all I care about is making sure Robuttnik is put in his place. Everything that comes out of his lair is always up to no good.
[Roo hops into Baldry Town, making his way into Kyle’s office muttering to himself loudly.]
Sonic: Another fan, eh Tails?
[Roo coughs out a TNT crate.]
Sonic: Yikes!
[It explodes, covering the screen with dust.]
“Twenty-Four Hours Later…”
[An Australian voice over is heard.]
“Since then, it has become a town-wide hunt for this…thing. The mayor is powerless against him. And not even the fastest thing alive can catch him. That’s where I come in: The Kangaroo Hunter.”
[TKH is a Dingo with sunglasses and a few accessories on his belt. The scene is presented as a reality show with shaky cam. TKH is driving into Baldry town with a camera near his face.]
TKH: I’ve been doing this for about fourteen years. Fifteen seasons of this show, which ain’t too shabby.
Camera guy: How many kangaroos have you caught?
TKH: Well there was this one at a Dogoteria, but he kind of…he was tough. So this makes two. At least I am hunting something that is real, unlike some other buggers out there with a reality show.
[TKH enters the city hall.]
Kyle: Good. You’re here!
Sonic: Who the heck is this guy?
Kyle: That’s The Kangaroo Hunter. I saw him on TV and he seems legit. He’ll get rid of this guy terrorizing my town!
Sonic: Oh.
TKH: Yeah I’ll take care of him.
[He chuckles to himself. Tails frowns.]
TKH: Where can I find this kangaroo?
Kyle: Well last time I checked, he was in the community center doing who knows what!
TKH: This won’t take long.
[TKH leaves with the camera crew.]
Tails: Sonic. We should keep an eye on him.
Sonic: Why?
Tails: I have my suspicions.
Sonic: Yeah…I’ve never seen The Kangaroo Hunter show before!
[TKH spots Roo in a basketball court spitting basketballs into the hoops.]
TKH: So there’s our target. One blast and this bloke is history.
Tails: I knew it! He’s going to kill that kangaroo!
[TKH turns around and sees Sonic and Tails.]
TKH: Well of course. I’m The Kangaroo Hunter, not The Kangaroo Nap Putter. Now stop trying to break my concentration, I’ve got a sick animal to put down and make into a fashionable onesie.
[Sonic gets in the way.]
Sonic: No way, José. He’s no sick animal. He’s just like you and I.
TKH: Thanks, but I don’t care.
Sonic: If you want to make him into pajamas, you’ll have to go through me!
[TKH gives him a blank stare before shooting a tranquilizer dart at Sonic, knocking him out instantly.]
Tails: Sonic!
TKH: Sit tight, ya little bugger. I’ll call up the taxidermist and you can keep him if you want.
Tails: You’re evil!
TKH: Well what are you going to do about it?
[Tails lunges at TKH and bites him, he drops his gun.]
TKH: CRIKEY!
[Roo notices and spins like Crash and hits TKH. He flies away like the enemies.]
TKH: DARN YOUUU!
Tails: It’s okay. He can’t hurt you now.
[Roo nearly bites Tails’ hand.]
Tails: YIKES!
[Roo laughs until they hear the sound of a bomb falling. They both look up.]
Ripper Roo: Uh oh. [His ears droop down.]
[Dr. Robotnik crashes down and squishes Roo with his butt. Sonic wakes up a little drowsy.]
Sonic: Woah, Tails. What did I miss?
Tails: The hunter is gone but-
Sonic: Hey, it’s Robuttnik!
Robotnik: STOP CALLING ME THAT!
Tails: Where did you come from?
Robotnik: I was being terrorized by an Australian abomination, and sent rocketing up and up…[Checks his watch.] FOR A WHOLE DAY!
[A crowd of people come over.]
Roxy: [Gasps] It’s the evil Dr. Robotnik!
[He stands up, and Roo plops down flat as a pancake.]
Kyle: My word…Robotnik has incapacitated the rambunctious rodent!
Robotnik: Hey that’s my- wait what?
Kyle: From this day forward, this shall be known as Ivo Robotnik Day, as we remember his redemption to save us from the insane kangaroo!
Robotnik: [Grins] Well I’m glad you finally see my brrrilliance.
Kyle: Of course this comes right after Chili Dog Day, named after our beloved Sonic The Hedgehog.
Robotnik: WHAT? I HATE THAT HEDGEHOG!
Sonic: We gotta skedaddle, Snattle!
[Sonic and Tails run off as Robotnik chases them. Kyle scoops up Roo and tosses him into an ambulance as Sonic and Tails are seen in the distance being chased down by Robotnik in his Egg Chaser. Slither pops out of the Egg Chaser.]
Slither: You’re toast, you chili dog chomping chump!
Robotnik: [Grins evilly] Excellent work as always, Slither! BAHAHAHA!
[Robotnik continues chasing them down into the sunset.]
[Fades to black]
“Sonic Says”
[Tails and Ripper Roo are watching television.]
“Up next is the Stumpina marathon! Twenty-four hours of nonstop Stumpina for you couch potatoes!”
Tails: Ooh. Wanna spend the whole day watching Stumpina?
Ripper Roo: [Nods violently] Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh!
“Several hours later.”
[Tails and Roo look tired but continue watching. Sonic appears in front of the television.]
Sonic: Hey guys, binge watching is fun, but don’t forget to give your eyes a good rest and get off the couch to stretch a little.
[Tails and Roo do so and Tails yawns.]
Tails: Thanks for reminding us, Sonic.
Sonic: Nothing’s more fun than watching your favorite show, but always watch out for yourself. Sonic Says!