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Just as Hurt as He

Summary:

Martyn goes back to school. On the way home, it starts raining, so him and Run decide to give Bdubs a ride home.

. . .

You must read this series in CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER. Start at "Of Bronze and Gold" and continue in order. They're posted in order. If you read a fic out of place, you will probably receive spoilers.

Notes:

hiiiiiiiii! im BACK!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Martyn’s first day back at school after getting beaten couldn’t be described as anything less than hell. Everyone–and that wasn’t an exaggeration, quite literally everyone —stared at him, as if he was the one who beat someone else. Like he was the problem. People whispered when he walked by. Either that or they were ridiculously apologetic.

‘I’m so sorry’, ‘you didn’t deserve that’, ‘what Scar did was awful’, ‘are you okay?’. They were all he seemed to hear. His questions didn’t say a word about his return, but whenever he spoke to someone else they managed to bring it up in one of the repetitive phrases he must’ve heard a million times before. He didn’t want people to be mad at him.

Seeing Ren was possibly the best part of his day. They didn’t have any classes together, but they did share the same lunch hour. Ren had been texting him nearly every day during lunch complaining about how lonely he was, and about how stupid it was that Scar thought he could get off the hook so easily.

Scar . The name sounded foul on Martyn’s tongue. He was mad at Scar for beating him to the ground, but felt just the tiniest bit of grace. He was the one who threw the first punch, after all. But then Martyn remembered that the only reason he even considered fighting Scar was because of the junior’s relentless bullying towards Ren–and the grace he held minimised further. When Martyn heard that Scar had gone missing a number of days ago, as he had presumably ran away, the small amount of grace he held diminished. 

Now, Martyn was exiting school, after his first day back. It wasn't fun. He was dying to escape. He wished he hadn’t had to go back the next day. He didn’t want to go back ever again. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Ren standing next to his car. Ren had offered to drive him home–with a sigh, he started towards his friend.

“Hey, Martyn,” Ren greeted, flashing him a genuine smile. “How was the rest of your day?”

Martyn rolled his eyes. “Take a guess.”

“Not the best, then,” Ren acknowledged, sliding into the driver's seat as Martyn made himself comfortable in the passenger’s. “Anything specific happen, or just..?”

“More mental torment ,” Martyn exaggerated, crossing his arms as soon as he pushed his seatbelt into its holder. “Everyone looks at me like I’m some freak. Like I was the one who beat someone else!”

“Yeah, I know,” Ren sounded genuine with his words. “I got that a lot the day after the fight. It goes away, believe me.”

“Maybe for you,” Martyn argued, “But once this is all over, people will still stare.”

“What makes you say that?” Ren questioned, pulling out of his parking spot. Martyn sighed.

“You know why.”

Martyn pulled down the mirror in the car and flipped it open. He was met with his own angry looking eyes, but his face fell into something more disappointed. Across his head was a scar, a scar he’d received from his fight with Scar. 

“You shouldn’t have fought him, Martyn,” Ren stated after a moment of silence. Martyn turned to him, confused.

“What?” He asked.

“You shouldn’t have fought Scar,” Ren decided, “None of this needs to be happening right now. You shouldn’t be hurt, Scar should still be here, no one should be staring.”

“He was awful to you,” Martyn fired back. “I regret nothing .”

“Well you should!” Ren cried, “You got really hurt, Martyn. Over something I could’ve easily sorted out!”
“He was hurting you,” Martyn growled, “And you weren’t going to do anything about it. That we both know!”

“Well then that would’ve been my decision!” Ren shouted, “You didn’t have to interfere!”

“So this is all my fault?” Martyn shot, “I’m the one to blame? For Scar picking on you? For Scar beating the shit out of me? For Scar running away? That was my fault, right?!”

“Obviously not,” Ren rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying, you shouldn't have reacted the way you did. Reporting him to the principal or telling someone would’ve been embarrassing, sure, but it’s better than trying to take him in a fight! I thought you knew better than to hurt him!”

“What can I say?” Martyn laughed angrily, “The punishment fits the crime!”

“Did you not think that maybe fighting him would just make things worse?” Ren questioned, “Did you not consider for even a second that fighting him might not end so well for either of us? Or for Scar?”

“I think things are going great, actually,” Martyn fought, “Scar’s getting pressed charges against him, he’s definitely not messing with either of us again–and he’s gone. He’s not in either of our business anymore. Things got resolved, man. What more do you want from me?”

Ren stayed for a while, simply looking off to the side. He took a deep breath. “All I’m saying is that things could’ve been handled a bit better, okay? I’m not wrong, am I?”

“No, you’re not,” Martyn agreed after a moment. Neither of them spoke for a while after that. Martyn instead entertained himself by watching the grey clouds in the sky that had begun to slowly drizzle rain. That rain grew to a steady fall.

“Look,” Ren pointed a finger to the side of the road, where someone was walking, clearly annoyed by the rain. “It’s Bdubs.”

“Scar’s brother?” Martyn questioned, watching as the freshman put his hood up. “He looks pissed.”

“He probably is,” Ren pointed out. “Poor kid. I heard he’s nothing like his brother.”

“He’s not,” Martyn agreed. He couldn’t remember a specific time him and Bdubs had talked, but he knew they had. He seemed like a really nice kid. “Hey, maybe we should give him a ride?”

“We can ask,” Ren decided, “But I doubt we’ll say yes. It’ll probably just be awkward.”

“Oh well,” Martyn shrugged, “I doubt his mom wants him walking all alone out in the rain.”

Ren drove up to the curb where Bdubs was walking, catching his attention. He rolled down Martyn’s window.

“Hey,” Martyn tried to keep a normal face. “Do you want a ride?”

“I-” Bdubs looked away, as if he was really unsure. After a moment he turned back. “Sure, I could use one.”

Martyn smiled, motioning towards the back seat. “Hop in.”

Bdubs slipped into the back seat of Ren’s small car, intaking a breath of relief as he did. He seemed satisfied to have escaped the rain. “Thanks.”

“No worries,” Ren grinned, his smile genuine as he glanced back at Bdubs. “Where are you headed?”

“Uh, if you can drop me off at the Chevron by Dawning Park, that’s pretty close to my house,” Bdubs suggested, a grateful look on his face. “I can walk from there.”

“Sure thing,” Ren nodded, speeding away from where he’d parked. Bdubs murmured another quiet ‘thank you’.

“So,” Martyn spoke in an attempt to kill the awkward silence that had fallen over the car. “How have you been?”

“Worried,” Bdubs admitted, “Worried, mad, and yet somehow not surprised at all.”

“I see,” Martyn nodded.

“I’m really sorry,” Bdubs looked away from Martyn as he spoke. “About Scar. You probably hear this all the time, but you really didn’t deserve that. Either of you.”

Martyn and Ren shared a glance before Ren shrugged. “It’s not your fault, Bdubs.”

“I know,” Bdubs looked ashamed, as if he were to blame for this whole situation. “I don’t know why he acts the way he does at school. He’s so smart at home and so dumb everywhere else.”

“What do you mean?” Martyn asked.

“I mean, he’s smart at home because he’s defensive at home, and he feels like he carries a lot of responsibility. For me, and for Mom.” Bdubs explained, “He feels like he needs to protect us, like he’s responsible for our entire family. Which, in a way, I guess makes sense.”

“Why is he so defensive?” Martyn questioned. He didn’t want to pry, but it felt like he was about to get an answer he’d been longing for. “Er- you don’t have to tell me anything, I guess.”

“Please,” Bdubs rolled his eyes. “After everything Scar did to you, you deserve to know, right?”

Martyn shrugged, genuinely unsure of what to say to that. Bdubs sounded disappointed in Scar as he revived the memories of what he’d done. 

“Scar’s defensive… I can’t say for sure , but part of it has to be because of our dad.” Bdubs explained, “And I think the other part is because of our mom. He doesn’t realise it, but she’s protective too. I think it rubbed off on him.”

“Oh,” Was all Martyn could bring himself to say. He knew Scar must’ve been going through something after what he’d done to Martyn, but didn’t think that it would be… this . Somewhere, deep in his gut, Martyn felt bad. But Scar had hurt him—bad—and he had the scars to remember it. “Bdubs… was that why he ran?”

“What?” Bdubs questioned for a moment, considering the words he’d just been asked. “Well- it really seems like he was just trying to avoid charges, but… I guess maybe he wanted to avoid home, too?”

Martyn cast a guilty glance over at Ren, who returned one to him as well. Ren took a long breath. “We should probably stop talking about this. Scar’s not here to tell us if it’s okay or not.”

Bdubs looked like he wanted to argue that, to say that Scar deserved it after everything he did. But he bit his tongue and stayed quiet, instead not acknowledging the statement at all. 

“Sorry about everyone at school,” Bdubs exclaimed to Martyn, his eyes staring out the window. He watched as raindrops raced down the glass. “I kept hearing everyone tell you how sorry they were. I bet it was annoying.”

“Yeah, it was,” Martyn agreed, still not able to shake a thought from his mind.

Scar and Bdubs were so different, at least, around him. They had the same problems–with their mom and dad–but dealt with it so differently. (Obviously Scar had faced a bit more challenge, as he had to watch over his brother, and he was older. That was enough pressure.) Either way, Bdubs was quiet in response to his problems. Scar took it out on other people. 

They were brothers, born from the same mother and father and raised in the same house, and yet they were so different. But it was the next thought that really hurt Martyn—

Bdubs probably loved Scar like hell.

After what they’d faced together, how could the younger boy not? Scar must’ve been an idol to him for so long. The person who drove him to and from school everyday, who watched over him during the troubles with their parents, and the man that practically raised him. 

“Bdubs, we’re nearly there. Are you sure you’ll be able to walk back alright?” Ren asked. Obviously he’d be fine, but it was important to check.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Bdubs exclaimed, nodding. When they pulled up to the spot he’d been asked to be dropped off at, he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder before opening up the door and pushing himself out of the car. “Thanks for the ride. I appreciate it.”

“Of course!” Ren grinned, the smile on his face intoxicating. Bdubs smiled a little, too. “If you ever need a ride, just give us a holler, yeah?”

“Okay,” Bdubs nodded once again before closing the door. He turned away from the car and walked in what Martyn assumed to be the direction of his house.

“Poor kid,” Martyn mumbled as he watched Bdubs sulk away from where they’d dropped him off. Ren worked on starting the car once again, driving back towards Martyn’s house.

“Yeah, he’s been through it, that’s for sure,” Ren agreed, but something told Martyn he didn’t comprehend what Bdubs had gone through on the same level as Martyn had.

Martyn went quiet for a moment. “What do you think will happen when Scar comes back? Or gets caught or whatever.”

“That’s an if,” Ren corrected, “ If they find him or he gets caught or comes home or whatever, he’ll get in a ton of trouble, get charged a ton of money, and he’ll probably never speak to you again.”

“Hm,” Martyn considered. If you’d asked him an hour earlier, that would’ve sounded great. He would’ve asked what else could be done to make Scar pay. But now, that didn’t sound too appealing. He didn’t have the full picture. He had no idea what else Scar had gone through. Bdubs could’ve been telling him the bare minimum. 

Scar was hurt. Just as hurt as Martyn had been after that man beat him into the ground in front of phones and students and horrified students.

His stomach sank .

“Where do you think he is?” Ren asked. Martyn had to take a breath to bring himself to speak.

“I don’t know,” He commended, “But wherever he is, he’s far away from here?”

“Y’think so?” Ren checked, “I guess it makes sense. I wouldn’t stick around if I were him.”

“Y- yeah,” Martyn agreed, cursing himself eternally as his voice stammered. Ren flashed a look to the road before turning to Martyn with a concerned look on his face.

“Whoa, dude, you okay?” Ren questioned, his expression growing worried. He looked resentful as he had to turn his gaze back to the road.

“I’m fine ,” Martyn assured him, blinking away the feelings that had shot him through the chest. Scar was just as hurt as he was.

“Are you sure? You don’t seem fine,” Ren decided.

“Y- yes, I’m,” Martyn bit his tongue and cursed himself again for stuttering. “I’m okay .”

“You’re not,” Ren decided for him, looking a little upset. “You’ve been acting weird this whole time. What’s going on?”

Martyn caught his tongue. Would Ren understand what he was feeling? The feeling of being shot through the chest with a painful realisation? The feeling of not knowing what you’re feeling, or why?

“Scar wasn’t okay,” Martyn finally announced. “He was hurting. Like, bad. That was why he was picking on people. That was why he didn’t want to back down when I tried to fight him. That was why he hurt you to begin with. Because he’d been going through absolute shit , and the only way he was able to exert that heavy feeling was by making others feel the same.”

Ren went quiet for a moment upon hearing that. His eyes stayed dead set on the road, and they narrowed. He let out a gentle breath.

“I know,” Ren nodded, closing his eyes for a quick moment before going back to staring at the road. “But that doesn’t make any of what he did to you okay.”

“Of course,” Martyn agreed, “But that doesn’t make what happened to him any less, either. He was hurt, so he hurt others.”

“Sure,” Ren nudged his head. “You can’t just forget what he did, though. He still hurt you . Badly.”

“Yeah, I remember, Ren,” Martyn exclaimed, looking a little annoyed. “I just don’t know what to do. Or how to feel.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” Ren decided, sighing. “And no one else expects you to, either. This whole thing is super complicated, and there’s not really anything we can do about it.”

Ren reached a hand over to the passenger’s seat and grabbed Martyn’s, intertwining their fingers. 

“But I’m here for you,” He finished, “No matter what happens, no matter how much more or less complicated things get. We’re sticking together. I promise.”

A soft smile engulfed Martyn’s lips. He looked over to Ren gently. “Okay. I trust you.”

Martyn often forgot how he ended up in this mess. But it was for Ren. He fought Scar for Ren. He calmed down for Ren. He’d do anything for Ren. Even if it meant getting beaten into concrete by some hurt seventeen year old.



Notes:

at the time of writing this, the fic after is finished. and oh my god.

please buckle yourself in. its not even the main part of the fic that's super heavy.

btw PLEASE comment on these fics. they motivate me more than anything else. thank you! <3

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