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He didn't know how and why he ended up on Magnus' balcony. To tell the truth, he didn't really know him. And yet.. There was this sense of safety he couldn't shake, the desire to be near him. Perchance to relax, to truly exhale. Magnus didn't judge, he didn't press on further than Alec could handle. Alexander. Somehow, it sounded different when Magnus said it. He never truly liked his name, hence the shortened version. But somehow, when Magnus said it, it sounded divine. It felt like Alexander deserved good things, too, not just Alec, not just the front he put up for his friends, but also.. him. The parts of himself he viewed as irredeemable. Having not yet mustered the courage to knock, painfully aware of the state he was in, Alec instead settled on glancing inside. He spotted Chairman Meow, resting on one of the throw pillows that were scattered over the couch. A soft sigh escaped his lips, laced with emotion he didn't even know himself to be capable of. As if he had heard Alec - he might have, Magnus was a warlock after all - a familiar pattern of steps sounded through the hallway. Alec, somehow unable to step away, could just stare almost helplessly as Magnus entered the room, his presence captivating as ever. And as much as he wanted to flee, there was nowhere for him to go. His friends, no, his family was preoccupied.
And he couldn't look Clary in the eyes either way, just thinking of her made him feel sick to his stomach. So he just stood there, unmoving, until Magnus discovered him, until it truly was too late to run, even if he wanted to. "Alexander." Magnus sounded surprised. Which was fair, all things considered. "Hey," he tried his best to conjure a smile, but it must have been weak at best, given the way Magnus looked at him. "What brings you here? Is everything alright?" It was so tempting to tell him everything.
But he couldn't bring himself to do so, in fact, he couldn't bring himself to reply at all. This wasn't new to him, Alec often felt that he was unable to speak, however, usually, he was better at hiding it. So he just looked at Magnus, gesturing helplessly. Somehow, the warlock seemed to understand, judging by his expression at least. "It's alright. You don't need to talk." Alec nodded jerkily, raised his hands to adjust the collar of his shirt. However, this does also bring the dried blood on his hands into Magnus' focus. "You're hurt." Alec averted his gaze, as if expecting a lecture. "Will you let me heal you?" He didn't reply. His eyes stay fixated on the floor. "Alexander?" Magnus prompted softly.
Finally, Alec agreed, holding out both his hands so Magnus could work his magic - in this case, literally. Once the spell was cast, Alec inspected his hands, still in awe of the sheer power Magnus was capable of. Not, that he would tell him. He managed a weak smile, but it's more sincere this time. "I- Thank you." "Don't mention it." Magnus flashed him a quick smile, and again Alec felt like he couldn't breathe. But it wasn't entirely unpleasant, he realized, as affection bloomed in his chest. "Do you want tea?" Magnus' question snapped Alec out of his thoughts and he considered it, then nodded. Sure, why not? He could, perhaps, use some rest. He wasn't needed elsewhere, either, and for once, he was tempted to be selfish. He had deprived himself of love for so long, had anticipated that such things were out of the realm of possibilities for him, that now he wanted to scoop Magnus up into his arms and never let go. His enthusiasm didn't show, though. It never showed. He had grown to resent that part of himself, too.
Magnus smiled at that, appearing to be pleased by Alecs decision to stay, which, to Alec, felt almost surreal. He didn't delude himself into thinking people liked having him around. They just got used to his antics and learned to tolerate him eventually. But no matter how hard he tried to put some semblance of emotion into his voice, he always sounded put off. Mean, as Clary had put it. It was so easy for him to hate himself, it felt as natural as breathing. But Magnus wanted him around, and despite his gnawing fear of abandonment, he couldn't abstain. He desperately wanted to be wanted - and Magnus offered that and so much more. He offered a much needed respite, a place free of harsh words and judgement.
While following this train of thought, Alec had set foot into the living room, busying himself by greeting the cats and holding out his hand to let them sniff it. Some were still sceptical of him, but Chairman Meow seemed to like him just fine, so Alec took the chance to carefully thread his fingers through the cats' orange fur. He was rewarded by a gentle purring sound, and despite himself, couldn't help but smile. The orange fur felt incredibly soft, and so he continued to rake his fingers through it, earning an approving "Mrrp" in the progress.
From the kitchen, Magnus, who was brewing tea, was watching them, feeling himself fall for the shadowhunter even more. His Alexander really was a treasure, his gentleness and willingness to respect the cats' boundaries just served as further proof. His Alexander, he thought, surprising himself. When had Alexander become his? Not his as in property, mind you, his to care for, his to love. Perhaps that solved the riddle. He was in love again. After all this time, despite promising himself not to. And with a mortal, no less.
Magnus sighed ever so quietly, not intending for Alexander to realize his inner turmoil. After all, his feelings were just that, his own. His responsibility. And the tea just happened to be done either way, so Magnus had every reason to tear himself away from his train of thought, and rejoined Alec in the living room, settling down on the couch next to him and gingerly placing both cups of tea on the table in front of them. "Hey," Alec greeted, his voice uncharacteristically rough. And though he had no doubt noticed, Magnus opted not to pry further. The shadowhunter was stressed enough as is, there was no need to make him feel cornered. So Magnus just played along. "I see you've acquainted yourself with the Chairman." This left Alec puzzled and he tilts his head in surprise. "It's his name, Chairman Meow." The orange cat perked up at that, and Alec nodded in realization. "Yeah. He's very nice." His answers were curt, even more so than usually.
"You must've been working a lot lately." Magnus said, trying to be sympathetic. Alec nodded. "We're preparing for war, so.. But I don't need to tell you that." He added bluntly, then tensed ever so slightly, as if he was expecting to be scolded for it. But Magnus just continued the conversation without judgement. "It's certainly been a busy time for me as well, yes. Everyone is.. on edge, to say the least." He paused. "But, can you please do me a favor?" Alec perked up at that. "What?" His tone was guarded, almost afraid. "Rest." Magnus replied, as if it could ever be that simple for Alec. As if anything could ever be easy when it came to him, his duties, his family. Alexander averted his gaze, his jaw clenched in badly hidden tension. "I understand you have a lot of responsibility.. But if you ever need to get away for a while, you can stop by."
The disbelief in Alec's eyes shouldn't shock Magnus, and yet.. He knew the shadowhunters worked in strict ways, to say the least, but he'd probably never get used to seeing the results of such cruelty firsthand. "I mean it," he emphasized, and it caused Alec to nod, though Magnus couldn't be sure he'd actually be taken up on that offer. Instead, he reached for one of the cups, opting for a sip of tea, which Alexander soon copied, taking breaks in between to continue petting the orange cat, who hadn't moved an inch from the comfortable pillow next to Alec.
The quiet seemed to please Alec, who appeared to be a lot less tense as time progressed. Magnus had learned to be patient during his long life, and relaxed, eventually opting to study an ancient book he had gotten his hands on recently. Chairman's pleased purrs served as background noise, as Alec had resumed petting him after finishing his tea, setting down the cup as lightly as (in-)humanly possible. Eventually, Alec broke the silence. "So," he cleared his throat, "about that first date.." Magnus had never closed a book this quickly. "Yes?" He knew he might have come across a little too enthusiastic, but he couldn't help it, didn't want to, either way.
"We could do that now, right?" Alec tried so hard to play it cool, however his hands were sweaty and he wiped them on his pants. Magnus found it so very endearing to see how hard he tried, feeling almost honored to be on the receiving end. "Why, of course, Alexander." Magnus opened his hands, another grand gesture, his magic blue and sparkling at his finger tips, ready to bend reality to his will. "Where would you like to go?"
They wound up going to Japan. After Alec had uttered the suggestion, Magnus had opened a portal, with ease that continued to amaze Alec, truly. Magnus went about magic as he went about everything else, he was both precise and calm, secure in his abilities. Alec, on the other hand, understood himself to be a weapon, a tool, first and foremost. This was intended, of course, the dehumanization was essential to the Clave's functioning. At this point, he hadn't questioned his upbringing much yet, at least not the military part. But what he had been taught about downworlders couldn't be true, at least not all of it. Magnus wasn't like that. Could the Clave be wrong? If so, what else were they wrong about?
All these thoughts were swirling around in Alecs head, while him and Magnus were strolling through gorgeous gardens, temples, small towns.. Whenever a change of scenery was needed, Magnus just opened a portal with a simple flick of his wrist. Alec hadn't felt this carefree in years, which was ironic considering he felt like his whole world was turned upside down. But Magnus' lightheartedness was contagious, so eventually, Alec was no longer dwelling on his thoughts, and instead wound up thoroughly enjoying himself.
A little later, in Tokyo this time, while Magnus had gone to get something to eat for both of them, Alec almost stumbled across a small, hidden store. His curiosity got the best of him, which was rare these days, and he de-glamorized. Walking around the shop, he spotted an amulet, stopping to take a closer look at it. Presumably the shop's owner, a young woman, offered to explain its meaning, and Alec, who rarely ever took strangers advice, listened intently. For all he knew, something had changed inside of him, was still changing. He didn't want to pay it too much mind at the moment, and so he soon rejoined Magnus for food, the amulet hidden in his pocket, like a secret.
He wasn't sure whether to gift it to Magnus, or rather, he didn't have a lot of practice when it came to relationships, and was afraid he'd seem too desperate. Alec was never one for being vulnerable in any sort of relationship, although he yearned for connection, he was simply afraid. Afraid that if he let anyone see who he really was, they wouldn't like what they saw.
They wound up venturing to a few other cities as well, but, nervous as he was, Alec couldn't quite enjoy them as much. Also, he was starting to feel tired. Eventually, as they returned to the loft, in a sort of exhausted stupor, he held out the gift to Magnus. "I got you something." He said, ever so quietly. The charm was hidden in a small, unassuming jewelry box, which certainly seemed to intrigue the Warlock. "Oh, thank you, Alexander, that's ever so kind." He smiled, gingerly taking the box from Alec's hands. It had been a long time since anyone had given Magnus a present, so he certainly treasured this moment. He opened the box, inspecting the charm with a soft smile.
"Thank you, really." He emphasized. "It's an omamori," Alec said, moreso recounting it to himself, as he was sure Magnus already knew this, "and it's supposed to bring you luck and protection. To keep you safe." Magnus couldn't help the sudden surge of pride and affection which bloomed in his chest, overtaking any exhaustion that might have been there before. "May I?" He pressed a careful kiss to Alecs cheek, slowly, as if interacting with a startled animal, to offer him the chance to pull away. "This means a lot to me, Alexander. More than you realize, maybe."