Chapter Text
I was 13 again, on that one errand for my father. Peaceful, the breeze blew through the fields of grass and flowers. The sunshine warmed my skin and gave life to the surrounding area. There was a boy with short, pale blonde hair smiling down as he extended his hand to help me up. He was gentle, he was so very sweet as he asked if I was okay. I took his hand gracefully and stared up at the boy for a few moments. Suddenly, the sky turned red as the air filled with ash. The hand of the boy felt colder and colder as I watched his smiling face turn bloodied and bruised.
“Why didn’t you save me?” He cooed my name as I heard the Colossal and Armored Titans roar like a melody, coming ever closer as the Earth shook beneath me and the blonde boy.
“Why didn’t yo--”
I woke up with a start, my heart literally feeling as if it were going to jump out of my chest. I sat up as fast as could be, waiting for my beating heart to slow down. It had to be past noon the way the sun was positioned in the sky, the birds chirped as if there wasn’t anything wrong with the world. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and looked down at my side, reaching for the bed. The empty space next to me felt so cold as I extended my hand through the sheets.
“ Reiner… ” I whispered. It had been two days since he left with the Scouts on their expedition. I wondered every second of my days if he were safe. If the others were safe. He’d done so much reassuring so I wouldn’t be going crazy here by myself, yet I was positive I was going insane. They would be coming home soon enough, hopefully with a success story and little to no casualties.
For the past two days I kept myself occupied. I got up, acted like a normal human being while taking care of my leg. I was getting used to the crutches but there was only so much I could do without Reiner taking care of me. Ironically, I hated someone else taking care of me, however I knew in this state I needed it.
I got out of bed with the help of my crutches by my bed frame, not even bothering to freshen up in the bathroom, not yet anyways. I knew I looked like a raging monster and I didn’t want to look in the mirror. I made a slow departure to the kitchen, food was the best cure currently. I made a simple toast, fruit, and tea for breakfast (well, sort of breakfast, it was the afternoon) easy enough for me but filling at least. I ate every single bite slowly and chewed deliberately. It was this same pattern for the past two days since Reiner left, sleep, eat, read, sleep…the list was mundane and the same everyday.
However, today sought out to be different after all.
There was a knock at the door, and suddenly I froze. That couldn’t possibly be Reiner, and I refused for it to be any bad news about Reiner. I latched onto my crutches and slowly hopped my way to the door. When I opened it, it was a soldier from the Garrison.
He asked for my name, “Scout regiment, yes?”
I nodded quickly, “Is there something I can help you with?”
“The Scouts are coming home today. Erwin has requested you wait for their arrival in the courtyard. You will be getting a brief on the expedition.” He notified nonchalantly.
My heart flew like a bird's wing. Reiner. He was coming home. Reiner!
I nodded enthusiastically and the soldier looked at me like I was crazy. He excused himself and as soon as I shut the door it was go time. I rushed as quickly as my crutches would allow me to my bedroom to get ready.
I finally was going to wear my Scouts uniform. I had hung it up after Reiner left, I didn’t want to be reminded of not being next to his side during this mission. However today I was going to put it on as this was official Scout business. As I changed I couldn’t help but think about him. I knew he was okay, I knew he was coming home to me, and all would be okay. I could live with anything knowing Reiner was safe and next to me.
Once the jacket was on, I went to the restroom to finally freshen up. I put my hair back in my usual braid, and brushed my teeth. I looked into the mirror and almost didn’t recognize myself-- my cheeks looked too bright, my hair looked smooth and soft. The only thing that ruined my face were the growing eye bags from my nightly nightmares-- I was so tired. Surely Reiner would scold me.
For that reason I grinned. I set off limping my way with my crutches in a cheerful mood, one that made me feel like myself rather than the monster the past few days.
…
I had arrived just as the Scouts were getting back. They didn’t…look well. My mind instantly went to the worst possible scenarios, and most of them dealt with Reiner. I shook my head, almost as if I were shaking the thoughts out of my skull.
Erwin led the front on his white horse with Levi in toe walking, and what was left of the Scouts behind him. Levi looked..defeated? I couldn’t really describe what his face was. He didn’t look like himself. Erwin didn’t have the same look, but he looked disappointed.
Where was he though? Where was Reiner Braun. The Scouts kept on walking forward until Levi was stopped by an older man. I was too far away to be able to tell what their interaction was, but even a blind man could tell it was not pleasant. The man argued and Levi just…stood there looking visibly shaken about something the man had said.
I couldn’t make out the crowd enough to find him, and that sent what felt like an open pit in my stomach. Surely he wouldn’t just die on me, he had to come home to me, he promised. Frustrated, I made my way to the courtyard where the Scouts would catch up. I hobbled on over with my crutches to a lone bench on the outskirts of this courtyard, where the Scouts would unpack their supplies-- I would finally be briefed on just what had happened the past few days.
Bertholdt was shockingly the first person to spot me and make a bee-line towards where I sat. I arched my brows high up, confused. Why on Earth would he talk to me? He barely even acknowledged my presence and when he did it was always something negative about Reiner being around me so often. Like he couldn’t understand why Reiner didn’t leave me alone. Like…he was mad about it. I looked away, scared to look at Bertholdt's anger, when his muddied boots were just inches from my sitting form.
“You really should stay away from him, you know.” Bertholdt stated plainly.
“Why do you care? ” I spat at him, I was sort of proud that my anger showed through. “I get he’s your childhood friend, but it’s not like I’m stealin--” I was cut off by his expression when I looked up at him.
He looked like he was having a mental breakdown. His eyes were almost bloodshot from the lack of sleep it looked like he had, and his eyebags were pronounced. His face looked terrified rather than angry and that somehow worried me even more.
“Bertholdt..? Are you okay?” I questioned. I know he did not like me, but that didn’t mean I had to be a monster, he was Reiner’s best friend after all.
It was silent for a few moments. All he did was close his mouth in a tight line, shook his head, and turned away from me and walked forward without a single glance back. I sat there baffled, and even more confused than when he first came towards me to start.
I sighed, heavily for that matter. It shouldn’t bother me knowing that Bertholdt obviously hated me, however it was more so the fact it was Reiner’s best friend that didn’t like me. Annie also didn’t like me, however she didn’t like anyone. Bertholdt on the other hand was easily friends with Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie, Sasha… the list went on.
I let my thoughts sway me away from the Scouts in the courtyard, unpacking their horses and gear. I was so distracted by the thoughts that I didn’t even register Armin’s voice in my ear behind me.
“Reiner Braun is looking for you.” Armin announced.
I jumped by the sudden voice and turned around to face him. “Gah!” I let my heart restart after a moment and then cheered, “Armin! I’m so glad you’re here, and you look well, except for the bandage on your head.” I noted.
“I’m okay, Reiner is an excellent bandage wrapper. I can see why you like him so much.” He smirked at me.
I almost hit him, but I did not for the fact he was injured.
“I’m almost too scared to see him..Was he injured at all?” I asked in a small voice.
Armin shook his head, “Nope he’s healthy as a horse, you should have seen him, he was amazing. He saved me y’know.”
I smiled, “He’s an amazing hero, huh?” My voice was filled with pride. I was filled with pride.
“I’ll tell him you’re here, but I think you should be briefed soon…” He trailed off.
“I’ll be briefed first, I’m sure he can wait. I want to be caught up to speed before I see him, I want to know what happened.” I said with a hint of a frown in my voice, I wanted to see him almost as bad as he wanted to see me.
Armin nodded, “I’ll go tell him that. Levi would be dealing with briefing you, but he’s caught up with Eren right now. Shadis knows what happened, so he should be coming now” He turned on his heel and left in the same direction he came.
Reiner must have been deep into the crowd. In the back of my brain somewhere, I was concerned about Eren. After being a titan himself, and knowing that the other regiments would have loved to destroy him, he was vital to humanity. I wonder what happened with him particularly to warrant even more trouble.
I saw Shadis’ figure in the crowd coming towards me, and I made that my que to stand up with my crutches. It was simple, he took me away from the Scouts unpacking, and into a room that obviously had been used as a classroom for the new Scouts in order to understand the formation from this past expedition. I sat down at a desk and he looked like he had his own arm ripped off by a titan-- he didn’t even go on the expedition so how bad could it be?
It was much much worse than I was anticipating. A new titan? Like Eren was? The Female Titan as Shadis called it, I rolled my eyes, what an original name. But to hear it was deliberately smashing Scouts left and right and not eating them was something unheard of. Even if it were an abnormal titan, the titan still would eat the humans. The amount of lives gone shocked me even more-- all of Levi’s squad, besides him and Eren died. That would explain Levi’s grim look. The Scouts with Erwin and Hange had a brilliant plan of capturing this Female Titan and it failed. The fact Eren tried to beat her in a one-on-one titan fight, and had to be rescued by Mikasa explained even more…
I felt an absolute disgust for the Female Titan, and even more so I’d love to kill her myself.
I felt rage, I felt sadness for my fallen comrades, but ultimately I felt mad about myself. I was useless yet again, sitting here, healing. All while everyone else died in my place. Wasn’t I already the world’s most selfish soldier? Only being a Scout for the fact I didn’t want to be torn away from Reiner, my source of happiness. And now I felt selfish that people died while I healed.
Shadis could tell I was in a battle in my mind, he awkwardly excused himself after telling me this brand new information. I was utterly alone in the big classroom with my thoughts, my fears, and my anger. It took a long time for me to gather the information, Shadis and I had to have been in this room for a few hours. When the sun was setting outside the one window, I realized I had been sitting here by myself for much longer than that. I put my head down on the table where my arms rested. My face had to be a mess, I felt like one. Somewhere in the time Shadis left me alone I cried, leaving now tear stains kissing every inch of my cheeks.
I wasn’t alone for much longer.
The sudden opening and closing of the door, the loud sound of birds and cicadas suddenly bursting in my ear drums, and the sound of heavy boots dragging their way towards my body still in the desk. I didn’t bother to look up, keeping my head in the cocoon of my arms. Whoever it was, was most likely going to kick me out of the room to go home. I was confused as to why the person hadn’t said anything to me, instead they just stood in front of my table and kept silent.
I felt annoyed just by their presence. I looked up and my eyes opened so wide, they were like saucers.
“Hi my sweet girl…” He trailed off.
Tears instantly swelled in my eyes as I looked at his beautiful face. His gold irises are what I noticed first, they burned into my own. They weren’t as bright and cheerful as they had been a few days ago, but still over powering. He looked about the same as I felt, distraught because of the Female Titan. But he was still beautiful. He was still that same strong Reiner Braun I adored. And most importantly, he was here with me, he was breathing, he was alive.
I was a blubbering mess of tears when I tried speaking. I couldn’t quite say how I was feeling or how happy I was that we were here. “Rei…ner… I’m…You’re..Alive…” I managed to say through the tears. My vision was blurred and it made me upset that I couldn’t see him properly.
He bent over the table I was at, and reached his two big hands up to either side of my face. He smirked, his smile didn’t quite match his eyes, but nonetheless I knew he was elated to be here with me.
“Shhh…” He whispered, “I’m here now, I’m alive and I’m with you here now.” His head bent down till his forehead was touching my own. “I’m not planning on leaving you alone again, it was almost too unbearable. Call me dramatic because it was only a few days, but I worried every second I was away.
I wondered if you were taking care of yourself. If your leg was in pain. If you were sleeping…” His fingertips brushed my dark eyebags as if he was telling me he knew my answer. “Next time I’m telling the Scouts to shove it if you have to stay back…”
All it took was the smallest move from me to inch forward towards his waiting lips. I cried and cried, and it was too much to bear when I pressed my shaking lips to his own. His lips were slightly chapped, but soft as they always had been. And my own lips shaped themselves around his.
Our lips were acting like a dance, it was fierce, but it was gentle and sweet. The kiss of reunion weighed heavy on my heart and I hoped with everything in me it weighed on his own as well. After a few moments and my breath wild and panting, he parted away from me, just to look at my face he was still holding. His eyes were wild, like a fire. And my own cheeks were painted red.
I started to tear up again when his fingertips wiped them away before they could trail down. “Hush, love…” It was a pet name I was not used to, “You look so tired, I don’t even know how you’re awake now--briefing or not.” He shook his head, “Let’s get you home and in bed.”
I nodded in his grip, “Please.” I said, almost begging him.
…
He was right about me being tired. I could barely hop along the way back to my quarters. He all but sighed, crouched down and picked me up, carrying me in his arms as he held my crutches in one of his capable hands. Not to anyone's surprise, I fell asleep then and there in his arms as he carried me. My head rolled to his shoulder and I slept like a baby.
I was jostled awake in my sleep as he was placing me in the bed. I groaned and furrowed my brows, my whole body and mind was exhausted.
“Sorry..” He mumbled as he stroked my cheek.
“S’okay.” I yawned, “I’m sorry I’m so tired…”
He shook his head, “It’s funny.” He chuckled to himself.
“Funny?”
“It’s not funny that you’re tired, more so that I also had sleepless nights the past two days..” He said bashfully. “I just wish you would have taken care of yourself more.”
It was my turn to chuckle. When he looked at me puzzled I explained, “I more or less knew you were going to lecture me on that…and honestly kept thinking things like ‘Reiner is sure to scold me, Reiner wouldn’t like that,’ and now that you are it makes me happy just because you’re here.”
He smiled down at me, he looked at me like he was…full of love. I blushed slightly and yawned yet again.
He noticed that, “You’re tired, love, you should sleep.”
I nodded, “We should both change…will you sleep with me tonight?”
“Yes, of course. I’ll leave you to change.” He got my nightgown out of the small dresser against the wall and placed it next to me on the bed. He left to the living room but not before giving the top of my head a quick peck.
I got out of my uniform as quickly as possible-- I felt stuffy in the jacket and thigh high boots, well just one boot, my bad leg was still wrapped up and healing. Who makes boots like this anyways, geez , I thought to myself as I stripped out of the one. Once my entire uniform was off I slipped into the nightgown and undid my braid. I shook my hair out into the waves my braid formed as Reiner knocked on my door.
“You can come in.” I said as I settled back into my spot on the bed.
Reiner walked in wearing a white shirt and simple night pants with a glass of water and my nightly medication. He had a slight frown. I blushed realizing he would know I hadn’t properly been taking the awful little pills. They helped me feel okay, however without Reiner’s guidance I’ve been neglecting them.
“You haven’t been taking your pills.” Reiner frowned at me.
“Listen…My medication was the last thing on my mind. I’m sorry but it’s true.” I sighed and he handed me the cup and two lone pills. I gulped them down and looked up at Reiner. His face still was slightly off, but who wouldn't be after dealing with Titans.
Reiner made his way to the other side of my bed and got in next to me. I was already lying down and as I turned to face him he got inside the blankets. He reached over using his arm to latch onto my hip and pulled me closer to his form. Once I found myself underneath the crook of his neck I snuggled closer and laid my arm across his chest.
His head dipped lower and kissed the crown of my head while simultaneously he grabbed my hand. “I’m serious about not leaving you again.”
I nodded, “I felt like a prisoner here all alone, you know.”
“Well, next time I’ll just have to stay here so you can shackle me down.” He said, chuckling.
I hummed in response burying myself deeper into his form, he was so warm. I barely was conscious when I heard his last words of the night:
“You’ll stay with me always…” It was almost like a promise to himself rather than me.
…
I woke up to his warm body heat. His arms were cocooned around me, and I found myself hugging onto him. I smiled, exhaling a small laugh while I stretched my legs.
“Are you finally up..?” Reiner asked, tightening his hold on me.
In response I reached up to kiss his neck. He hummed in response to the lazy morning kisses.
Today would be hard. I knew him and would need to talk about what he experienced with the Female Titan on the expedition. I was scared, to put it plainly, to know the horrors he may have faced.
I think Reiner saw through me, or he could just feel my anxiety. Careful as he could be with my leg he tightened his hold on me, and rolled on his back taking me with him so I would be laid on top of him. My legs formed on either side of his hips and my chin rested on his wide chest. My face grew red when I realized how compromising this position was, but I didn’t dare move.
Both his hands rested on the arch of my back and he held me to him. “Good morning” He smirked.
“Did you wait long for me to wake up?” I asked and reached my hand up to stroke his cheek.
He shook his head, “Not long at all, I woke up and you were all curled around me.”
“I was not.” I rolled my eyes, but I knew he was telling the truth.
He took my hand which was still on his cheek and brought it to his lips to kiss. “So…we have some talking to do I imagine.” He mumbled under my hand.
I brought my hand back and scooted up against his body to kiss him. He kissed me back easily and eagerly. After a few moments, and his hand getting tangled in my hair, I pulled back slightly. I’m sure he would spend most of his day kissing me, and let's face it I’d do the same-- but where would that get us?
He frowned slightly, “I wasn’t done kissing you.”
I laughed at how much he was pouting, I leaned forward to peck him once more. “Come on, I wanna know what happened to you the past few days.”
We stayed in our pjs, with absolutely nothing to do, I figured we’d need a day off together. Eventually, I settled into the couch with a book while he made breakfast. He served it to me on the couch and we ate in silence. I was trying to gather my questions, and he didn’t speak up, maybe he didn’t know where to start. Once our plates were cleaned they were left on the coffee table and all but forgotten as I draped my legs across his lap and he held them.
“It was a very hard few days…” He started and trailed off.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He gave me a small nod. “Shockingly, I am. So you know that a new Titan popped out of nowhere.” He paused and his brows furrowed, “We couldn’t even catch it. She…she killed so many people, not even eating them. Some she played with before dying, some she smacked like a fly mid-air.”
“Reiner…”
He patted my leg to reassure me, and then continued. “She was so close to killing Armin, you should have seen it. Armin said she
lifted his hood off of him.
She’s smart, she was looking for Eren the entire time, Armin figured that much. I found him totally defenseless with Jean and I rushed in to save them. She grabbed me, literally. I was…so scared. I didn’t want to die. I would have
so
many regrets, and most of them revolved around you.”
I didn’t speak, I didn’t have the words. Reiner almost died, he almost took himself out of my life forever.
“After that,” he kept going, “Krista finally brought us a spare horse, ours either ran off or died. I wasn’t involved much with the Female Titan, but all of us new recruits were Titan bait for the normal ones down below on the ground while we were in tall trees.
Once the mission was deemed a failure we went back to Wall Rose. I suspect they have a plan with Eren for capturing the Female Titan, but it's unknown to us as of right now. Levi still has Eren all but locked up, ready to either use him when needed, or the court will kill him.” He looked down, he said nothing else and he didn’t even look at me.
I sat up, my legs were still on his lap, so I could face him properly. I placed one of my hands where his shoulder lay and squeezed it. “Reiner, I am
so
sorry you went through that.”
He looked…very intense suddenly, as if my touch was disturbing him. “It’s just not fair.” He seethed.
I was puzzled and took my hand off of him, “Huh? Reiner, what's not fair?”
He wouldn’t look at me. He started to get up off the couch so I took my legs off of him. He got up and put his hands on his head. “We have to risk our lives! It’s not fair. We came this far, and I have to see people die left and right? Is this really what I fought so hard for?!” He was yelling now, his booming voice scaring me. He grabbed one of the coffee mugs off of the table and threw it across the room. It shattered on the wall having shards of glass fly everywhere-- one cut my cheek. “I am the weakest one, the weakest warrior!”
I held my bleeding cheek and felt nothing but fear and sorrow for the blonde hair boy in front of me. God what happened ? It was like he triggered himself talking about all that happened. I was confused, what was he even talking about?
I stood up with my crutches under my arms without a word and slowly backed away from Reiner. He was still standing, his breathing was ragged as his head remained buried on his hands. Tears welled in my eyes and once I sniffled Reiner broke his position.
He called my name slowly. He put his hands in front of him and turned as if to tell me he didn’t want to hurt me. “I-I’m so sorry.” He looked miserable, like he didn’t want to have a breakdown, it just came to him.
I choked on my tears, “I cant…”
I backed away into our room and made a beeline, as fast as the crutches would allow me, for the bathroom to clean my wound. Reiner sobbed in the living room, I assumed his mind was catching up to what had happened.
I looked in the mirror watching the blood trail from my cheek to my chin, it had just missed my eye. I wasn’t mad at Reiner, I could hardly blame him for being triggered. But it scared me. He was like a different person, not the one I’ve gotten to know and I’ll admit I fell in love with these past couple months.
I didn’t understand what he was saying. “ We have to risk our lives, it’s not fair.” I felt nothing but confusion, he was the one who wanted to go with the Scouts. He had the chance to be with the MPs, but as he has said over and over, he felt like he owed it to humanity. He knew there would be death and destruction, maybe seeing it happen versus knowing it would happen is a whole different thing.
The biggest question: what in the world is a warrior? Maybe he meant soldier, maybe he felt like a warrior with how he acted? Whatever it was, it wasn’t used to describe many people in the walls.
As I stood in the mirror I heard his footsteps cross through the threshold of the bedroom door. He mumbled my name, his voice hoarse from his breakdown. I was scared. Not of him, there was no way I’d blame him for his mental state. But I was scared of what he may have seen out there.
I patched up my cheek with a bandage and limped out of the bathroom. He was standing there hobbled over, his face looked so broken…
“Oh, baby…” I trailed off and walked to him. When I reached his form, all it took was me wrapping my arms around his waist so my crutches could still balance me, and brought him in close. He started to protest, thinking I shouldn’t comfort him, or thinking I shouldn’t be near him. But I didn’t want to hear it.
“This isn’t your fault. You can show your emotions, you can cry if you need to. Be angry if you need to. Be sad if you need to. You broke one mug, big deal? I’d rather you break 1,000 mugs than bottle up your emotions.”
He nodded. “I know, I just don’t…know what came over me.”
“Come let's get you in bed, you just let me take care of you.” I said as I let go of him. I went to the bed where he followed and he sat down so I could stand in front of him. His face looked pale from crying, but as I felt his forehead, his warmth was intense. Almost as if he would steam from it.
I sat down next to him and leaned my crutches against the bed. He sighed like he knew I had a million questions, but I didn’t ask them, not yet. Instead I urged him to lay down, and take a nap. He protested it, saying he wasn’t tired, but I knew it would make him feel better. After a few moments he was out like a light.
Once he was gone to the world, I knew what I wanted. And what I wanted was to talk to Armin or Mikasa. I got dressed quickly, and set to head out while Reiner slept, not knowing any better.
…
Armin was the first and easiest to find, although our meeting was brief. He was on his way to his barracks. He told me about inspections that had happened upon their arrival.
“Inspections?” I questioned. Reiner didn’t mention that.
He nodded, “There were suspicions that the Female Titan is one of us..They checked our ODM gear. I really wish I could explain more but I’m kind of in a hurry…” He trailed off and bolted on after that, leaving me to my thoughts.
I didn’t have to go to the inspections judging I wasn’t even on the mission. The Garrison probably backed me up on that, they were the ones who told me the Scouts were coming home.
I waited a long time after that, I shockingly did not want to be home, my need for answers was too great to be in bed with Reiner. Although, I knew he would be up soon and wondered where I ran off to. I frowned heavily and limped over to a bench and sat down. I don’t know what I was waiting for, whether it was another person to come to or from inspections, or answers to hit me in the face, but I waited.
The Female Titan was one of us? The thought made me pale and a cold sweat hit the back of my neck. Reiner didn’t say a lick of this information, but there was a chance it wasn’t in his mind judging that he had a full on mental breakdown. Though, I needed answers: What were they inspecting? Did they determine it? What was the plan? I was sure Armin knew, if not, he was a part of this plan. And I’m sure this meant they checked the gear from every regiment after the expedition. Could snake out a person who snuck their way on the expedition…
I was deep in thought when I saw Bertholdt make a beeline out of the courtyard. He was rushing in a hurry, and I don’t know what was in me, but I had a feeling he was going to my barracks where Reiner lay unconscious.
…
I was right on the money when I made it to the house minutes after Bertholdt had knocked on our front door. I snuck around the back as best I could given my leg. From inside I could hear Reiner grumble, a silent pause shortly after being woken up probably as to why the sheets beside him were cold. I looked to my right and found my way in my house, a window that had been left open for the breeze.
As soon as Reiner made his way to the front door and opened it, I knew I would have a limited time before I would be caught, so I hurried. Sneaking into my own house, that was a new low. I crept to the window once I heard their conversation.
“Is she here?” Bertholdt said, with panic and…anger? Maybe annoyance?
“No, I guess not.” Reiner sighed. “You’re so lucky she’s not, what would she think if you came here after how you treated her?”
“How I treated her?” Bertholdt huffed. “Look at you! You’re what--sleeping with a girl here ? Is fucking her worth more than going ho--”
“Do not finish that sentence.” Reiner cut him off.
I placed my crutches against the side of the house next to the window. I absolutely hated these men talking about me and I wished to march there and rip Bertholdt a new one. However beyond insulting my dignity, I was more curious than anything. What in the world were they talking about.
“Well someone’s got to say it!” Bertholdt shouted. “You realize we are risking it all here. You know the plan, and you need to stick to it!”
“You think I expected to find this? Find her here? God I wish she didn’t exist, but here I am--” Reiner started.
“Yes, here you are. Falling in love with someone from this trash heap.” Bertholdt said with a bite.
I paused half way ducked between the window and its frame, my good leg already inside, my bad leg on the window sill.
“And what if I do love her?” Reiner mumbled.
My heart pounded.
“Then we’ll leave your sorry ass here to rot with her.” Bertholdt retorted. “Honestly, what are you expecting? Her to understand what we are? To understand our mission? To understand what we are to do?” His voice was barely a whisper when I made it past the window sill, and stood in our bedroom.
And what were they doing…? I reached out the window to grab my crutches while balancing on my good leg.
“I don’t know what to do.” Reiner’s voice trembled. “I love her, I completely fell for her, I never wanted this, and I know she’s going to hate me for everything.”
“Here’s what you’re going to do. You need to leave her--”
My crutches banged on the window, loud enough that they dropped their conversation. I cringed at the noise and reverberating window. I waited for hell to erupt the moment.
Footsteps soon followed into my room and he saw me there, looking like a burglar in my own home. I shut my eyes so hard it felt like my eyelids would come off. Reiner sighed heavily. But only one word came out of his mouth.
“Fuck.”