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Waking up she felt the air was different. The event of the night before flooding her mind in a second. She had to pinch herself, a couple of times, no multiple times, the pain of the action overpowering the one of her loss.
Looking outside the window she took a deep breath and mentally got ready to start the day. The plan was simple: have breakfast; get ready; go to the graveyard with Rin, Yukio and the others; heading to True Cross Academy. She had to tell Kuro about the incident.
The church was silent if you didn’t count whoever was fixing the altar. No one dared to talk; there was no music playing and the twins weren’t fighting. It was too silent.
Entering the kitchen Izumi greeted her but his voice and words didn’t get registered by her, she didn’t want to talk to anyone.
Taking a seat at the table the girl said Grace in silence, she might have been a demon but since Shiro saved her and took her under his wings it became an habit for her to say Grace before every single meal.
“Is she doing okay?” Asked Naoya entering the room.
“Not really. She didn’t say a word since she woke up.” Answer Izumi keeping his eyes glued on her. He was worried for her, thinking that the second he was to let his guard down she was going to do something dangerous.
“I’ve heard she is going to tell Kuro about Father.” Naoya added, his friend only nodded. “Poor thing, I wonder how is he going to take the news.” was the last thing he said before taking his tea and leaving the room; Izumi on the other hand was still checking on her.
The funeral was fast, Shiro had made it clear he didn’t want anything to pompous, nor something long. A short and easy farwell was what he wanted.
She cursed at him, stupid clergy man thinking about how he wants to leave this Earth. Multiple times she asked him to stop, that his time wasn’t coming anytime soon but she had to know better: humans have a time limit, a limit that could come anytime in their life; humans die; humans are not as strong and resilient as demons.
It started to rain, at some point during the day it started to rain. Heavily as if Heaven was mourning too the loss of a great man that Shiro Fujimoto was.
She took out his glasses, she loved them, the reason why she was attached to them couldn’t be found, and she tried to find a reason, she truly did but nothing. She simply loved them.
She started talking, after Rin left with Mephistopheles she gained the courage to speak to his grave.
“I can’t believe you left me alone with the twins, we were supposed to rise them together you old man. And Kuro, how am I supposed to tell him? What am I supposed to do with him?” Taking a break she took a deep breath, she never thought it was going to be this hard. “Rin regrets everything he says, you know it, but is going to be a long way before he understands is not his fault you died.” She had to stop once again. She couldn’t believe it, he was dead. The man that saved her all those years ago; the man she was desperately in love with was gone and she couldn’t do much about it.
“Y/N Mephisto is waiting.” Yukio’s voice grounded her, a little, just that much to bring her back on Earth and noticing that she couldn’t put off talking with Kuro. He had to know, as soon as possible. She thanked him, in a whisper that the wind took away with him, in a whisper just for the two of them to hear, a whisper so delicate like her aching heart.
The drive was filled with Mephisto trying to start a conversation while she looked outside.
“He was meant to leave this place. He is…”
“Human. Pheles do you think I don’t know? Do you think I wanted to fall in love with him knowing I was going to see him go no matter what? We are not any different than humans when feelings are involved.” She looked him deep into his eyes, trying to find some comfort from him. “I… loved him Mephisto, and he left me too soon.”
“A demon in love, I had to see this myself.” He joked and before she could shut him up or defend herself he spoke again. “Just know is going to take a while, to heal I mean. And I’ll hurt, just… I’m here for you if you need to talk.” She looked back at him, lips trembling. “Or cry.” He added and she started to cry as on cue. It was the firs time since the accident.
Mephisto sat next to her, hugging her shaking body and assuring her everything was going to be fine. Eventually.
She didn’t want to. She didn’t know how to do it and seeing the situation in front of her, somewhere inside of her told her he knew already.
“Can you handle him?” Asked one of the guards. Y/N just nodded, she knew how to handle him. She knew most of the times when Shiro was with her, guiding her movements and sharing tips on how to. But now? She hoped for the best.
Kuro sensed her. Her presence radiated comfort, warmth and if she was there Shiro was there too. That was the usual. The every day basis. Where one went the other was around. That is how it was supposed to be.
Where is Shiro? Is he hiding somewhere? The voice of the cat echoing in her brain. It broke her heart hearing those questions. Because Shiro wasn’t hiding anywhere around.
“Oh Kuro, I am so sorry. He is gone.”
No, he isn’t gone. He can’t be gone.
“He is. He sacrificed himself to protect us. He died as the brave man we know he was. He… I am sorry Kuro I wasn’t strong enough to save him. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Is okay if you hate me now, I let you down, didn’t I? Is okay you can hate me as much as you want but please don’t hope for him to come back. He is gone.” She started crying, Kuro followed her, both demon and familiar sharing a pain bigger than what they imagined impossible to feel for a human being.
Kuro turned into his pocket size and she took him in her arms, the cat kept on crying like a baby, which he was. No matter how long he had been rooming Earth right now he was a baby, crying the death of his loved dad.
Shiro was like a father to the familiar, since he was saved by the priest he felt at home with him. Sure with Y/N too but with Father Fujimoto the connection was deeper, it came from the deep of his heart and invaded all inches of his body. He had loved Shiro Fujimoto hard and those feelings weren’t going away that easy.
Demon and familiar talked on their way to Mephistopheles’ office, reminiscing the old days. They laughed a couple of times remembering how embarrassing Shiro was at times.
He loved your smile. Said the cat at some point. He loved seeing you smile. He kept on saying. Shiro love you too. That felt like a punch to her guts. She knew her feeling were reciprocated, maybe he never confessed but his actions spoke louder than words. She knew he had loved her in the little things he did; in the way he spoke to her; his body language was clear enough. Everything in him said “I love you.”
She smiled at the familiar when an idea came to mind.
“Kuro, would you like to meet Rin and Yukio?” Since Father had took in the kids he always talked about them to the cat. He told him how Yukio was the first one to learn how to walk; how Rin grew up to be a protective older brother; Kuro came to know how Yukio started studying to be an Exorcist and that he was the youngest teacher at the cram school. Kuro never met the twins but with all the stories Shiro shared, it was like he did.
Demon Mephistopheles walked out his office the moment Y/N walked by, and when she didn’t stop to get inside she called her name.
“I know where your office is, I just think I have a better idea.” She knew what was happening to the cat if she had a talk with Mephisto. The Order most probably wanted him to be caged somewhere and she couldn’t bear the thought, so why not let him stay with her and the twins?
“You know we can’t disobey orders like that.” He said hearing what she had to say.
“Oh come on, like you don’t follow orders when you feel like it. Also, since when you do what the Order tells you to do?” Mephistopheles rolled his eyes and agreed with her idea.
“But if he makes trouble…”
“He won’t. Trust me.”
Christmas was around the corner, just a couple of weeks separated them from the Holy day, and that meant the twins’ birthdays was coming closer too.
She bursted in their room, without notice but the two Okumuras were used to that.
“I want you outside in five minutes.”
“Is snowing.” Complained Yukio.
“And I am reading.” Was Rin’s excuse.
“First, I know is snowing. Second, I don’t care that you are using your brain cells today to read. I want you two outside in five minutes and if you don’t come willingly I’ll drag you myself, okay?”
“Yes ma’am.” They answered in unison.
“Great.” She said leaving the dorm.
They kept their word, in five minutes they were outside the old building and next to the second person that acted like a parent to them. She locked arms with the twins the second she felt their presence and walked in the middle of the street.
“We are go…” she shushed Yukio. Y/N didn’t care what he had to say. If he was to complain they would go down with the flew or something like that she knew the twins were going to get better in no time, and as for her, demons don’t get sick.
“Just look at the snow. Isn’t so beautiful?” She didn’t want an answer, for her it was the most beautiful think on Assiah. If she had to go back to Gehenna snow was one of the things she would miss the most. “Do you know why I love the snow?” She kept on watching the snowflakes falling down with so much grace it filled her heart with joy. “My happiest memories have to do with it. The first time I met Shiro it was a snowy day and so when our little family was formed.” She smiled, Rin too had a smile painted on his face.
“Truly is beautiful.” Commented Rin. Y/N knew he wasn’t too fond of it, so she was glad to hear him say that knowing he did it for her.
“I guess is not that bad.” Added Yukio. She rolled her eyes but she was happy like that. With her boys with her sharing a little moment of happiness after a tragedy.