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Once upon a time, there was a Balseraph named Trath. Trath was a Balseraph of the Game. He had a superior named Varie whom he didn't like very much. He didn't like Varie very much because Varie was a Habbalite and she was mean to him.
One day, Varie told Trath to go to Shal-Mari. Trath was happy, because Shal-Mari was full of debauchery and treason that he could find, and he wouldn't have to share the fame with anybody. But then Varie told Trath that he was going to have to go work in a restaurant, and Trath was sad. 'Still,' he thought to himself, 'I can be a waiter and overhear lots of important conversations.' And he went to Shal-Mari.
When he got to Shal-Mari, Trath looked and looked for a job as a waiter. But none of the restaurants wanted him to be a waiter for them. They all told him that he didn't have any experience and they didn't trust him to bring the orders back right. Trath thought that was very unfair, because sometimes the traitors who said so were Balseraphs, too, and the orders would be right if he said they were.
Trath thought about what else he could do. He could be a cook, and make food so good that Haagenti himself would come eat it, and then all of Haagenti's courtiers would come, too, and he could bribe demonlings to tell him what they said. So Trath looked and looked for a job as a cook. But none of the restaurants wanted him to be a cook for them. They all told him that he didn't have any experience and he didn't look like he knew what to do with a ladle. Trath thought that was very unfair, because sometimes the traitors who said so were Djinn, and they didn't care what a ladle was in the first place.
Trath thought about what else he could do. He could be a deliveryperson, even though it was beneath his dignity, and learn where all the important demons who ordered food lived. So Trath looked and looked for a job as a deliveryperson. But none of the restaurants wanted him to deliver food for them. They all told him that he didn't have any experience and didn't know where anybody lived anyway. Trath thought that was very unfair, because sometimes the traitors who said so were Calabim, and they weren't supposed to know how to find places anyway.
Trath thought about what else he could do. He could be an entertainer, and charm the patrons so much that they would want to talk to him even more and tell him about what they did. So Trath looked and looked for a job as an entertainer. But none of the restaurants wanted him to be an entertainer for them. They all told him that he didn't have any experience and they'd heard better jokes anyway. Trath thought that was very unfair, even though sometimes the traitors who said so were Lilim and told him other places he could try to find a job at.
Trath thought about what else he could do. He could be a maitre'd, and know where everyone was in the restaurant. So Trath looked and looked for a job as a maitre'd. But none of the restaurants wanted him to be a maitre'd for them. They all told him that he didn't have any experience and he didn't look classy enough anyway. Trath thought that was very unfair, because sometimes the traitors who said so were Habbalah, and they looked even worse.
Trath thought about what else he could do. He could try to find a job at a restaurant that was beneath his dignity to work at, and then he could catch important demons who went there in disguise. So Trath looked and looked for a job at restaurants beneath his dignity to work at. But none of the restaurants wanted him to work for them. They all told him he didn't have any experience and he wasn't good enough to work there. Trath thought that was very unfair, because sometimes the traitors who said so were Shedim, and they dripped into the food.
Trath thought about what else he could do. He could try to find a job as a cashier in a better restaurant again, and then he could know how much money important demons spent there. So Trath looked and looked for a job as a cashier. But none of the restaurants wanted him to be a cashier for them. They all told him that he didn't have any experience and he smelled bad from looking for jobs at cheap restaurants. Trath thought that was very unfair, because sometimes the traitors who said so were Impudites, and Impudites liked humans so much they smelled like them sometimes.
Trath looked and looked for a job for a whole month. At the end of the month, the Most Dread Cunning Prince Asmodeus, Trath's very own Prince, came to talk to Trath.
"Trath," said the Most Dread Cunning Prince Asmodeus, "you have not followed your superior's orders. You are not working at a restaurant."
And Trath knew he was in trouble, so he told the Most Dread Cunning Prince Asmodeus all about how he couldn't get a job from anybody and how it wasn't his fault at all: it was the fault of the Balseraphs and the Djinn and the Calabim and the Lilim and the Habbalah and the Shedim and the Impudites who wouldn't give him a job and it wasn't fair because he didn't have any experience.
The Most Dread Cunning Prince Asmodeus listened to Trath explain. Finally, he said, "Trath, go to the restaurant called 'Eat Here' and ask for the damned soul named Barry. He will give you a job. Give your reports to him. I will tell you when you may come back to Hades."
Trath was very grateful to his Most Dread Cunning Prince for getting him a job, and said he would go immediately. And he did, as soon as the Most Dread Cunning Prince said he could. Trath went straight to the restaurant called 'Eat Here.' He was sure that even though from the outside it looked even more beneath his dignity to work at than any other restaurant in Shal-Mari, inside it would be better than any restaurant ever.
He had to tell himself that he must have meant the quality of the service when he went in and asked for the damned soul named Barry.
And then he had to tell himself that he must have meant his own service, when he met Barry and told him he wanted a job. He knew Barry would give him a job, though, because the Most Dread Cunning Prince Asmodeus had told him that he would.
And he did. That's why Trath is still working at the worst restaurant in Shal-Mari as a dishwasher, and why you should know better than to ever disobey your superior.