Chapter Text
As the idols were running through the motion tests and calibrating their movements, Hiiro glowered at a comment that came in for him. Despite the death glare, his voice came out sickeningly sweet. “Remember!~ We’re roommates, Hinata-kun!~”
“…What did Hina-kun do?” Rinne paused after calibrating, choosing to ignore how his drunk/tipsy movements were going to cost him BIG time.
“He tried joking about how this game may reveal more about my reflexes than Henry Stickmin.”
Rinne was about to yell at the Aoi twin when he noticed Hinata sending profuse and erratic apologies in Chat, clearly terrified of being subjected to Hiiro’s ire. Nah, Hiiro took care of himself. There’s no need to beat a dead horse.
“Amagi, shouldn’t you be more worried about yourself considering the amount of whiskey you had?” HiMERU casually tied his hair back in a tiny ponytail, eyeing Tatsumi’s camera back on the computer in well-concealed worry for the other’s bad leg. Mayoi also appeared concerned if him biting his lip was any indication.
Aira, at least, noticed and spoke up. “Tatsun-senpai, if your leg hurts or you need a break, just let us know, okay?”
“Fufu, if I can’t handle a little dancing, then I wouldn’t be on stage as an idol to begin with.”
HiMERU and Mayoi’s stares made Tatsumi concede after a pause that he would let them know and not tough it out.
Since Rinne was fairly incapacitated, Aira was the one who volunteered to host the Just Dance session, creating invites and getting the lobby ready. “So…Do we wanna do random song challenges against each other or compete in World Dance Floor?”
Kohaku sighed in disappointment. “Just realized this ain’t ta’ Wii version.”
“Difference being?” Tatsumi asked.
“This will track all our movements, not just our hand holdin’ ta’ remote.”
“Oh, well, fuck me, then, right?” Rinne casually remarked.
Niki chuckled as he held his head in a hand with the other arm crossed over his chest. “Rinne-kun is gonna have such a bad time~.”
“Well, yeah,” Hiiro remarked, “My brother is very drunk at the moment.”
“Eh,” Niki made an iffy hand motion, “Not really. Tipsy, sure, but not fully drunk. I’ve seen a drunk Rinne-kun, and he’s not there, yet. He’ll be falling over and have poor balance, for sure, but not completely inebriated.”
“I would ask how ya know,” Kohaku began, “But I’d rather not know.”
“W-Wise choice,” Mayoi whispered.
“What? Ya seen a drunk Rinne-han, too?” Kohaku seemed astonished.
“I don’t recall ya being around for any of those times…” Rinne wavered slightly as he shifted his weight onto a different foot. Curse UNDEAD for the sneaky trick of theirs!
“Oh,” Niki casually commented like he was saying inconsequential facts about the weather, “Any time he messages me about how stupid his husbands are being I just send him a video of drunk you to remind him that at least he doesn’t have to deal with you.”
“NIKI! I FEEL BETRAYED!”
“That’s good! You’re finally being straightforward with your feelings! You’re making progress!”
Aira couldn’t believe what he was hearing despite finding it amusing. “I-Is Shiina-senpai becoming a therapist? Or is it just me?”
“Well,” Niki sassed, “Considering it’s been – how long? – and Vice President still hasn’t found a therapist for this crew, I might as well step up to the plate!”
“Not sure how well that is going,” HiMERU muttered, “But it’s better than nothing.”
“Um, so, my original question?” Aira brought them back to the game they were meant to be playing.
“Shouldn’t we do a test run to see if we need to adjust the calibrations at all?” Hiiro asked.
“Probably…”
“Well, how many songs are in a run of World Dance Floor?” Niki asked.
“Three.”
“How about we do a test run as Hiiro-san suggested,” Tatsumi compromised, “And make sure the motion sensors are calibrated right, then we do a round or two of World Dance Floor?”
“Any particular song in mind?” Aira hovered over the selection menu.
“Go random!” Niki shouted.
“Ya sure ‘bout tha’?” Kohaku knew some of the songs that were in the Just Dance franchise. Some had achieved meme status and were so ingrained people couldn’t help but think of the dance from the game when they heard the songs. Some were very well known to be hard – especially with full-body tracking.
“Why not!?” Niki declared, “Let’s give our friends a show!”
The game was having a LAUGH.
It chose Rasputin by Boney M.
Aira and Kohaku’s facial expressions fell in an instant as the Russian Kosack dancer appeared on screen for a brief moment as the game announced the song that was chosen. “Oh no…”
“I-Is this bad?” Mayoi grew worried within 0.2 seconds.
“Dance moves are simple an’ few…” Kohaku began as they waited for the game to load, “Just…a lot o’ leg work an’ very tirin’.”
“Tatsun-senpai!” Aira became ultra concerned for his unit mate, “This is heavy on leg work! Do not feel bad if you don’t do all the steps or get sloppy!”
“Thank you for your concern, Aira-san, I will make sure I don’t strain myself.” Tatsumi didn’t fully realize just what this song was going to require.
“I am gonna fall over SOOOO much!” Rinne complained as he nearly toppled from leaning too far to the right. The rest of the bees simply smiled in glee as they could not wait for Rinne to make a fool of himself.
~*~
The game started on a blue background with a wintery outline of the iconic Kremlin spires framed on both sides by several trees native to Russia. Very bad snow effects rained down, which looked more like horseshoes or odd bubbles than snowflakes. Shortly, the iconic Russian Kosak dancer faded into view at the center with his arms crossed over his chest, big bushy beard on full, proud display.
Rinne pursed his lips as he mimicked the dancer on screen with crossed arms. “Don’t know why, but I like the cut of this guy’s jib, already.”
“Yer not gonna like him in ‘bout 2 seconds,” Kohaku dryly predicted.
Guitar strings began and almost immediately they had to imitate the man raising his hands to clap together and then return them to their previous position several times over. So far so good, several of them thought. Not that bad.
Until the second set of guitar strings started and they had to raise their arms in a see-saw pattern going from back to front. Then they had to repeatedly dip forward and lean back as they raised and lowered their arms. Rinne was losing balance almost immediately. “FUCK! This is the WORST with a spinning room!”
Several of the idols were already messing up the steps not because they were bad at dancing, but because they were laughing so hard at seeing Rinne’s hologram self on the screen by his Gamer Tag flailing around along with the various sounds and screeches coming from the very same redhead. The game was ever so slightly forgiving when it came to general movements, but there was no saving face for Rinne and his erratic movements.
When the next layer of music started up, they were then supposed to switch so that they would alternate their crossed arms over their chests into 90-degree angles while also alternating kicking a leg out each time. Tatsumi could easily do the arm part but grew immensely concerned seeing the leg movements. He tried, though in a bit more lazy fashion, which the game was not exactly too keen on. However, he immediately gave up even trying to do the next move at all as the dreaded pop squats and alternating outstretched arms started.
This was the song guaranteed to put him back in the hospital if he even so much attempted those moves.
Poor Rinne was not having a good time as he quickly found that 1) even if he was sober, the leg muscles would be screaming and burning in pain and 2) he was often on the floor more than he was standing up. Each time he tried to pop his legs and arms out he had to fly himself up off the floor like a salmon jumping up a waterfall with as much grace as that one Hippo in a tutu from Fantasia and all the squawks and screeches of an enraged Canadian Goose. He only managed to get up off the floor once the “violin” dance move began immediately after several rounds of the pop squats.
“What the FUCK!?” Rinne garbled as he was now less graceful and peppy in his movements, legs quivering from the even extra exertion of jumping from the floor than the original pop-squats would do.
“Ya good, Rinne-han?” Kohaku just stood there miming holding a violin and swinging the other arm, finding he was laughing too hard to even attempt mimicking the bounciness of the original dancer.
“Most people looked at him with terror and fear~”
“But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear~”
“He probably had damn good thighs if this was his dance moves!” Rinne complained loudly as he tried to pick up the pace while he raised his arms up and then back to resting on his hips like the dancer, finding he was just slow enough that the game was barely giving him an “OK” for each successful move.
Then the chorus came.
So much arm movement.
So much leg kicking.
The idols were quickly finding their arms growing tired from moving around like one of those whacky inflatable tube men.
Then the arm-seesaw movements came back, causing Rinne to completely fall over as he dipped down and unbalanced, creating a cacophony of laughter in his wake from the others seeing his hologram disappear.
“But the Kasachok, he dance really wunderbar~”
“Wait…!” Rinne was out of breath as he just barely got himself back up to swing his arms around one more time and then go back to raising his arms up and down again to his hips, “I thought this was a Russian song! Why are they saying ‘wunderbar’?”
“‘Cause ta original singers are German?” Kohaku answered him with a question of disbelief.
“How the fuck would I know that!? OH SHIT!” Rinne stubbed his foot on the leg of the coffee table he swore he moved far enough out of the way prior. He began trying to dance while hopping on one foot, causing even more of them to miss the dance steps from laughing at how ridiculous Rinne was being.
And then came the bridge.
The idols lost all hope of even attempting the leg portion of the next steps as the game started them doing the steps slowly, then making them go lower and lower…
…Only to then add in the kicks and immediately go faster and faster.
Tatsumi didn’t even try to do the leg portion and just kept waving his arms around while semi-crouched, surprising himself when the game pretty much went “okay, fair,” and gave him “good” each time. Even HiMERU gave up on that venture, feeling his legs burn and deciding that, no, he was not going to try and do the Just Dance equivalent of the Kosak dance. Rinne ended up sitting on his butt and flailing his arms around, shocking everyone when the game somehow was rating his moves as “perfect”.
The icing on top was the final dance move of the song, the golden move. All the idols had to do was do that last jump – not any of the dancing at the end that the dancer on screen does. Rinne, however, was flailing around so much that he didn’t realize this. He flopped around like a fish out of water as he attempted to do the spins and kneels of the dancer, finishing by falling backward at the end with his arms splayed out.
“Rinne-senpai!” Aira cackled, “You didn’t have to do the final bits! Just the jump!”
“Ya think I could stop after that jump!?” Rinne shouted from the floor, “Room! Stop spinning!”
Hiiro very calmly sat on the floor, legs splayed out, and then lay on his back like his brother. “I need new arms…! And legs…! My thighs are on fire…!”
“You know,” Niki and the rest of the bees seemed relatively unphased, “I think ‘Honeycomb Summer’ prepared us for this song, considering the amount of jumping and waving around in that.”
Kohaku seemed about to retort but then paused. “…Ya know, maybe!”
“HiMERU-san,” Tatsumi chuckled lightly, “Did you try the pop squats?”
“Twice,” HiMERU bluntly stated, “Then, after the second attempt, he gave up. He will need a few leg days before he thinks he will have the muscle capacity to attempt this again in full.”
“T-Tatsumi-san,” Mayoi had his hands on his knees as he attempted to rest and get more air into his lungs, “H-How is your leg?”
“Fufu~ I didn’t even attempt the leg movements. I did not feel like going to the hospital today~.”
“G-Good…” Mayoi panted.
Almost all of the idols got a mere 2-star rating, with Niki, Kohaku, and HiMERU getting a 3-star and, somehow, Hiiro getting a 4-star. Aira stared at Hiiro. “How…? I mean, it is you, Hiro-kun, but still.”
“It was at the cost of my legs and arms!” Hiiro complained loudly in pain while still splayed out on the floor.
Kohaku chuckled. “Yer bein’ a bit dramatic, Hiiro-han. Yer Special Performance durin’ ‘You’re Speculation’ shoulda prepared ya fer this.”
“Maybe that’s why he got 4 stars,” Aira casually remarked.
It was then a box was very carefully placed inside Rinne and Tatsumi’s rooms, the door barely peaking open to leave them on the stand beside the door. The redhead raised his head hearing the door click shut, finding the box sitting there. “The fuck…?”
The duo eventually pick up the boxes and find each was filled with 20 chocolates with an anonymous note stating these were to help keep their energies up – as well as hopefully helping Rinne metabolize the alcohol quicker so he wasn’t falling on his ass so much. Despite everyone’s objections and the fact that it didn’t appear anyone redeemed a trick or treat in Chat, Tatsumi and Rinne stupidly ate one of the chocolates.
Both immediately coughed and covered their mouths within a few seconds of eating the chocolate squares.
“…Ya good?” Kohaku raised a brow.
“Nope…” Both coughed again.
“We told you not to eat those,” Aira calmly sassed.
“AGK!” Rinne nearly doubled over as he screwed his eyes shut, “THIS BURN! I KNOW THIS BURN ANYWHERE!”
It was then the robotic voice of Chat echoed for all to hear.
From Akehoshi_Subaru: So! Trickstar decided to redeem…well, it’s both a trick and a treat!~ And we did check; this is completely okay under the terms and conditions~. And nothing was stated that we couldn’t use hot sauce, so! We thought your two’s luck was waning a bit too much lately, so maybe you needed to renew your contract with Satan! That and maybe it would help Rinne-senpai sober up faster.
“Did they spike the chocolates with Satan’s Blood!?” Hiiro was aghast. Trickstar would dare to do that!?
From Akehoshi_Subaru: Well, out of the 20, we just spiked one in each box. We didn’t expect your guys’ luck to be THAT BAD to have picked the spiked ones on the first try.
“Ya lil’ shits!” Rinne hacked.
Tatsumi was eerily quiet, leaning heavily against the back of the couch in his room, knuckles a ghostly white against the dark leather. “This…”
“T-Tatsumi-san?” Mayoi grew worried, about ready to head over to the other’s room.
“Trickstar…This…means war…!” Tatsumi hiccupped shortly after and groaned in pain.
The other idols didn’t know whether to be concerned or to laugh, some letting out “pfts” as they tried to cover their mouths to stop the chuckles from escaping. Rinne smacked his hand against the back of his couch. “Ya know what…!? We ain’t gonna just *hic* stand here and *hic* - FUCK! – and let ya watch us *hic* suffer! Play another song *cough* OW!”
“A-Are you sure, Amagi?” HiMERU paled seeing his unit leader and Tatsumi endure that pain all over again.
Tatsumi cut in with just as much pained strain as his fellow pact member with Satan, “Exercise *cough* will make *hic* the heat go *cough cough* faster!”
“….Really?” Niki was 100% sure that exercise did not make the heat dissipate faster. It might make them forget about it or lessen the intensity for a few minutes.
“JUST DO IT!” Both cried in pain.
Aira quickly had the game pick another song at random, the game choosing to have the final laugh as it chose Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe” – specifically the “Alternative” version where the dance moves were harder and more intense. Once the familiar tune started up, Rinne realized what the game did. “THIS SONG!? WHY!?”
“You said to choose random!” Aira chuckled as the game started the first dance steps almost immediately after the first few notes.
“THIS GAME LIKES TRICKSTAR AND IT SHOWS! *hic* OWW!” Rinne began dancing like a silly girl head over heels for a teenage crush, making the other bees chuckle despite realizing they also had to dance the same way. There was no way they were actually getting the steps right as they were too busy watching Rinne fail spectacularly.
It involved so much moving around with the arms and feet, as well as bobbing of the head, that Rinne was very quickly just flailing around and trying to 1) not feel the burn in his mouth while 2) avoiding falling on the floor for the umpteenth time. Yeah, a burning mouth while having the room spin on you while trying to play Just Dance was a horrible, horrible idea.
Tatsumi was doing fairly well in terms of the dance moves until it came to the part in the chorus where the game wanted him to hop on one leg while the other was kicking first to the right, then to the front, and then to his left. He could do it on his good leg. He was extremely hesitant to do it on the reverse order which the game was cruelly asking him to do. But the burn of Satan spurred him on!
“So call me maybe?~”
Rinne did the iconic phone hand sign and promptly fell face-first as the song ended due to leaning too far forward for his tipsy cerebellum to handle. Tatsumi simply slumped where he stood.
“Are you two okay?” Hiiro asked.
“…Better,” Tatsumi raised his head after a few moments, “Not as bad now.”
“What did we get?” Rinne called from the floor, not daring to get up yet. The room was spinning less now. Maybe the hot sauce did do something.
“…WHAT!?” Aira was stunned, “YOU TWO GOT 5 STARS!?”
“HUH!?” Both affected idols looked back at the screens in equal astonishment.
Indeed, while everyone else treaded around the 3-star mark, no doubt because they messed up a lot due to laughing so hard at Rinne and Tatsumi’s misfortunes, Rinne and Tatsumi managed to get 5 stars.
From Akehoshi_Subaru: See!? You two just needed to renew the contract!
“Akehoshi-paisen…” Rinne nearly growled, “While it is impressive that ya and the rest of Trickstar are SO committed to making our lives hell as to sit and read the terms and conditions to know what to get away with, I have just one thing to say to ya.”
Rinne flipped them the bird with both hands, and the editors would censor them with tasteful stickers of Pigeon Wataru once the video was uploaded. “FUCK YA!”
While Trickstar was cackling up a storm, Ibara and Eichi had to make quick, immediate changes to the “terms and conditions” while also chastising them to a whole new plane of existence. Most of the other idols were now in hysterics in the Chat.
“Hiiro-san! Do you still have room for another person to plan that mine murder?” Tatsumi called out.
“Join the party!”
~*~
Once Rinne and Tatsumi were more or less alive after the attempt on their lives, they all agreed to do one more song before doing a World Dance Floor challenge. This song, however, would have to have four dancers on screen to do a pseudo “team” challenge. All of the scores between the members of Alkaloid would get added together, as would the bees separately, and whichever unit had the higher score won.
The song?
Well, that was Aira’s choice. One that everyone else had to mute their game for a second and look away from the screen to avoid spoilers.
And it was “Hit Me Baby One More Time” by Britney Spears.
The characters were four girls in cheerleader uniforms in distinct colors. The far left was blue, followed by green, orange, and red. Or was it pink?
“Rinne-han? Why are ya not pickin’ red?” Kohaku hovered over the orange character but saw Rinne had already picked it as well as Aira.
“Whatta ya talking ‘bout? That’s pink!”
“No! Tis red! Why ta fuck would they pick pink!?”
“Oh, for the love of…” HiMERU took a steadying breath as he picked blue, finding Mayoi also picked the same.
“Does it matter, you two!?” Niki beat HiMERU to it as he waited with Tatsumi as the green character.
Kohaku grumbled and went with the red/pink character that Hiiro also chose, still arguing with Rinne that the developers clearly meant it to be red.
It was only then that they were allowed to unmute their game during the loading screen.
The game sent them to a school hallway with lockers – something really only seen in American schools. The bell rang and the idols took their place, HiMERU inwardly sighed as he realized the blue character was easily the peppiest of them all considering her one-legged, one-fist-in-the-air pose. As soon as the iconic beat started, Rinne and Hiiro realized what Aira chose. “How dare you…?”
“…Oh! That’s right! You guys panic-sang this song in that one Duo Stream together!” Aira completely blanked on that since everyone had decided to collectively choose to forget that one game ever happened.
“Why…?” Hiiro and Rinne sighed in defeat as they posed in very awkward ways.
“W-Well, this is proving Alkaloid’s dance practices have focused on the right things…” Mayoi noticed the bees’ holograms were very out of sync with each other and the music.
“Hey!” Niki barked a laugh, “Alkaloid prioritizes synchronization and precision! Crazy:B does individuality!”
“Yeah,” Hiiro took that opportunity to be sassy once again, “but there’s a line between a stylistic choice and needing some practice.”
“Are ya saying I don’t know how to coach my bees?” Rinne cackled with a slight accusatory tone while dancing.
“I’m not saying anything, but your holograms are practically screaming it.”
Rinne gasped in offense. HiMERU snorted. The blue-nette had to agree that they were really out of sync. It also didn’t help that Rinne – thinking he was red – did the wrong dance move by shuffling forward instead of backward.
“Rinne-han! Yer orange!”
“I kn-OH SHIT!” Rinne quickly dashed back into place only to have to shuffle back up once more as soon as he did so. Alkaloid sighed, realizing this was less of a competition and more of exposing how horrible the bee unit was at dancing.
On the “Hit me baby one more time” line, each dancer struck a pose one after the other. HiMERU thought it was curious how the blue dancer on screen looked like she was about to fall over while she was trying to hold the pose but was graceful in trying to hide it. A good reminder that these are actual people dancing to the song when making the game.
But also a little foreshadowing as he had since taken off his shoes at some point in between this and the previous song as it was getting a bit warm and he would be recording for a while yet.
As the dancers were shuffling around each other in pairs, Tatsumi hummed. “Good thing we aren’t in the same room doing this. I think some of us would be colliding by this point.”
Rinne took the bait. “Hey! We don’t collide!”
“I HAD TO DUCK TO NOT GET HIT BY YOU IN HONEYCOMB SUMMER AT LEAST TWICE!” Niki screeched.
“Tis a daily occurrence in any performance!” Kohaku also shouted, “Ya nearly hit all o’ us at least once per song!”
“You also nearly stepped on HiMERU’s foot during one of your random jumps!” HiMERU seethed as he remembered just shuffling his foot out of the way in time during a Live before Rinne’s whole weight landed on it.
“Are y’all saying I’m the problem!?” Rinne gritted his teeth.
“YES!!” The bees rallied in unison.
“Well, ya know what?” Rinne shouted as he did another pose, “I hope one of ya eats shit!”
They were not expecting the orange and green girls to be on their knees for the slow part of the song, forcing a surprised Niki, Rinne, Tatsumi, and Aira onto the floor. “YA MEAN I ACTUALLY NEED TO BE ON THE FLOOR THIS TIME!?”
Mayoi and HiMERU watched warily as Tatsumi got down on his knees, fearing he would be in trouble once he had to stand back up. Thankfully, he was fine, but even the mint-haired idol looked a bit nervous as he made to stand.
Of course, Kohaku just had to snicker. “I told ya tha’ ya needed ta get off yer knees, Tatsumi-han.”
Tatsumi’s expression was blank. “…Kohaku-san, if we were playing on the Wii and in the same room, I would not hesitate to take the safety strap off and chuck the remote at your head like I did to Jeff with the crucifix.”
“OOH!” The rest of Alkakurei nearly recoiled in shock before quickly getting back to doing the dance moves.
On the second to last dance move, the same one-legged pose from the start, HiMERU made the fatal error of wearing socks on wooden floors while playing Just Dance. He went too far forward and didn’t catch himself like the dancer, launching himself forward and slightly out of frame with a loud thunk on the very last word of the song and missing the last dance move. The bees were in stunned hilarity that HiMERU out of all of them messed up that horrendously.
“I mean, not quite what I meant by eating shit, but I’ll take it!” Rinne cackled before hiding his actual concern behind a cocky smile, “Ya good, Merumeru? That was a harsh landing!”
“Ugh…” HiMERU slowly sat up from the floor, trying to not touch his smarting shoulder, “HiMERU is fine…”
“Are you sure?” Tatsumi and Mayoi asked in tandem.
“Yes,” HiMERU tried to hide the grunt of pain as he delicately rolled his shoulder.
“HiMERU-kun,” Niki sternly reproached, “Did you land on your shoulder?”
“Don’t lie, HiMERU-senpai,” Aira warned, “Bad things happen when you lie to a mother-hen.”
“…Ugh, doesn’t he know it…Yes, Shiina.”
“…We’re taking five.” As soon as those words left Niki’s mouth, Mayoi and Tatsumi left their rooms to check on HiMERU.
~*~
After the break, and ensuring everyone and Chat that HiMERU was fine with some ice and no bones were broken – sure to be tender but no lasting damage, they began a round of World Dance Floor. Alkaloid wasn’t gloating over winning their previous team challenge considering HiMERU’s very unfortunate accident.
HiMERU sighed, “He didn’t expect this game to be so dangerous.”
Kohaku snorted, “Maybe Knights are tryin’ ta kill us.”
From Tsukinaga_Leo: To mess with you, sure. But we’re not trying to assassinate you UNLIKE SOME UNITS!!
From Akehoshi_Subaru: We said we were sorry! How many more apologies are needed!?
From Narukami_Arashi: Until Alkakurei say it is enough.
From Akehoshi_Subaru: BUT THAT’LL NEVER HAPPEN!!
“Exactly!~” All of the soldiers and bees were terrifying with that sweet remark.
The first round was randomly chosen – as per the nature of the Alkakurei Crew. Kohaku and Aira perked up at seeing and hearing the iconic song “Where Have You Been” by Rhianna. “Ooh!”
“You two like this one?” Hiiro asked quite innocently.
“Tis quite iconic in ta’ Just Dance franchise.”
The background was dark with a lava field up front and the mountains in the back, lightning striking down and lighting up the sky ominously. A woman with wild hair and an outfit and tattoos that could be labeled as a “loosely tribal” inspiration appeared. The very first moves required them to walk around while waving their arms in a snake-like pattern.
“Not gonna lie,” Rinne stated as he looked utterly ridiculous mimicking these moves, “Some of these moves are kinda stupid. Like, I’m fairly certain these aren’t actual moves and is something ya would see on a TikTok dance.”
Tatsumi and HiMERU did not hear the conversation as they saw Mayoi’s hologram mimic exactly like the dancer on screen, chest and hip thrusts and all. It made their brains lose their thought process and empty entirely.
As the beat picked up, the background lit up in a wall of flames from the ground, the dancer changing the silhouette from white to black. As soon as the part where the song goes “Where have you been all my li-i-ife” started, HiMERU and Tatsumi nearly stopped dancing entirely as they saw Mayoi’s hologram do the next dance move with the full chest bumps, iconic back arch, and all.
Yeah, these two were so down bad for him.
Was Mayoi aware of this?
Of course not. He was busy focusing on the moves and trying to beat Hiiro as they were neck-in-neck.
Well, it certainly didn’t stop Aira from nearly drooling and completely stilling upon seeing Hiiro and Kohaku do the chest pumps and hip movements. It was extremely comical how he shook his head and refocused on the dance within seconds of realizing what he was doing.
Of course, as the beat dropped, Rinne found he was so going to fall on the floor again as the dancer swung her head around while crouched. Within seconds of trying, he fell over and attempted to do the other steps while still on the floor, easily failing nearly every single one. Yet, as soon as he stood back up, the game was cruel, and had the next moves put them back on the floor on their knees. “Are ya kidding me!?”
Oh, and they were brutal this time. The moves required them to swing their upper bodies around, and poor Rinne fell backward several times and stumbled back into a standing position far out of sync with the game. The final insult to injury was the game making the last move a far lunge, making Rinne sink so low to the ground he might as well just sit. Once it ended, Rinne collapsed and sprawled on the floor. “THIS GAME HATES ME!”
Niki chortled, “The amount of times it forces you to stand back up only to get on the floor again is quite concerning.”
“I’m telling ya!” Rinne complained from the floor, “This game has it out for me when I have alcohol!”
Aira sneakily sent a text to HiMERU calling him out on watching Mayoi so much in the last song. The blue-nette deftly sent a screenshot of that comment to Tatsumi and then sent his comment to the blond on how he was staring at his boyfriends, too. Tatsumi put the final nail in that coffin by simply messaging “pot meet kettle”.
~*~
The next song in the challenge was “We No Speak Americano” by Yolanda Be Cool and DCUP.
Starting off in a stereotypical Italian fountain plaza with a scooter and pavers. The dancer was the stereotypical-looking, Italian greaser with a slicked-back hairdo and shades in an Armani-styled suit. Ya know, typical Italian mafia guy.
Now, if Rasputin was the leg-heavy song, this was the arm-heavy song. Arm movements constantly went to full extension and back with the occasional shuffling movements of their feet. As the beat dropped, the city turned black and the outlines of the scooter, fountain, and plaza became neon colors that would alternate turning on and off as the song progressed.
Rinne nodded along to the beeps as he swung his arms around wildly. “Like the beat!”
Then the next music break through them all for a loop. It was now alternating arm movements and leg movements. If the arms were going out, the feet had to point in. Sometimes, one foot would have to point out while the other pointed in. Other times, the feet had to alternate which would point in and out while swinging their arms either out to the sides or up and down in front of them.
“Okay! Not fun anymore!” Niki shouted.
Then, around the two-minute mark, as the music built back up, the game became even cruller. If they weren’t good at multitasking, all hope was lost for them. The steps would progressively get faster as the beat picked up, but they eventually had to swing their arms from the elbows in clockwise circles while alternating pointing their feet in and out.
“Okay! That’s as much as I can handle!” Rinne was already flailing around trying desperately to keep up.
One last bit of salt to rub in the wound.
The game then forced them to make one of those rotating arms go counterclockwise while the other went in the opposite direction.
“Oh! FUCK YA!” Rinne decided to just flail his arms in circles and hoped the Just Dance gods would let him pass.
Hiiro was cackling until he made a noise at realizing he wasn’t doing one arm in the opposite direction, getting faulted by the game for doing so.
“Whiskey e soda e rock n’ roll~”
They all landed the last golden move very tiredly. Most of them flopped their arms to their sides as they gasped for breath.
“Ma arms hurt…” Kohaku complained, arms limp at his sides.
“I feel fine!” Both Hiiro and Mayoi seemed completely unphased.
“Of course, you two would be…” Aira groaned, “One has abundant energy and the other is an amazingly good dancer…”
~*~
Aira was about to select Random when Tatsumi stopped him. “Did I just see a song called ‘Crucified’?”
Aira hovered the selection over the song. Indeed, it was “Crucified” by Army of Lovers. “I-I guess so?”
The game played a short audio snippet of the song.
“I’m crucified~
Crucified like my Savior~
Saintlike behavior~
A lifetime I prayed~”
HiMERU couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony of the lyrics when he briefly thought about himself and Tatsumi’s past. Tatsumi caught that and had a smug smile. “While it breaks from our tradition, I vote we do this song.”
The mint one enjoyed the look of stunned shock on the blue one.
The blue-nette was even more stunned when the others agreed to it.
Naturally, there were four dancers to this song: two girls and two boys, each in varying styles of 18th century France – powdered wigs, corsets, petticoats, and tailcoats. In the author’s humble opinion, the male dressed in an orange shirt with pink pants and a corset, along with a pair of heels, was the best out of the four. Don’t get them wrong, the other dancers are great.
But the style!
The sass!
THE PASSION!
THE ENERGY!!!
Magnificent.
10 out of 10.
Chef’s kiss.
The embodiment of “Yas, Queen” itself.
The dancers appeared out of the paintings in the background and began to dance. This was one of those dances that would be chaotic if they were all in the same room together, as various portions would force them to walk in circles together and know their positions without bumping into each other and look graceful while doing so.
Mayoi and Rinne had chosen the orange dancer and they were living for it as they imitated the moves with just as much energy and passion.
“I’ve seen the deepest darkness
And wrestled with Gods.”
Something about that line struck a chord in all of them, but they were unsure why, only for it to quickly be forgotten about as they were distracted by the male singer’s voice that was both singing and speaking all at once.
Rinne just had to speak. “Dude! Orange guy is the best hype-man! Look at him!”
The orange dancer on-screen gracefully escaped the circle dance and was pumping his fist in the air as if cheering his friends on, all the while doing it oh-so sassily yet stylishly.
“I cry, I pray, mon Dieu…!
I cry, I pray, mon Dieu!!”
Then the chorus started up again. Aira spoke as he did the bow move. “Is it just me, or is this song kind of catchy?”
Some of them began to sing along to the lyrics that showed up on screen.
“I’m crucified~
For the holy dimension~
Godlike ascension~
Heavens away~”
During the chorus, the background changes from a hall in an art gallery to a dark hall with lattice windows, looking vaguely like something akin to finding in a cathedral or church, the candles on the walls giving the place an antique, haunted feel like an abandoned castle. And, much like the haunting background, the lyrics became more…
…Sinister.
“Before I end my breathing,
I travel in the soul
Where thorns are a teaser
I’ve played a double jeux.”
“Wait a minute…” Rinne began to piece together the lyrics.
“Yherushalaim at Easter”
Had they known, “Yherushalaim” was the Hebrew name for Jerusalem which translated to “the Lord will provide peace”.
“I cry, I pray, mon Dieu…!
I cry, I pray, mon Dieu..!!
I cry, I pray, mon Dieu!!
Adieu! Mon Dieu!!!”
Then the chorus started again.
Rinne, however, finally clicked all the pieces into place. “Wait a fucking minute! Is this song about suicide!?”
“HUH!?” Everyone nearly screeched to a halt, everyone messing up the moves or failing the moves outright.
“Okay! We need to look that up after this!” Aira demanded.
Once the song did finish, the blond wasted no time searching for the song. “…Okay, Wikipedia says there isn’t an explicit statement as noted by the band, but it does seem to imply in the broadest of strokes that, and I quote, ‘obsessive love is the most religious experience of all’.”
“I don’t get it,” Hiiro cocked his head to the side.
“Perhaps,” HiMERU began, “it’s both that and a tale of how obsession can lead to one’s downfall.”
“Or how that obsession can delude one’s sense of reality,” Tatsumi supplied.
HiMERU and Tatsumi eyed each other quietly. Yeah, this song was a bit too close to home for them. Mayoi was starting to think this song was almost targeting him secretly, to an extent, as well.
“Still!” Rinne declared, “It seems to be a very dark song!”
“I suppose so, dependin’ on interpretation,” Kohaku relented.
“Still…it is catchy.”
“Oh, yeah, Aira! It is totally catchy!”
A notification popped in for all of them.
From Itsuki_Shu: Since we have already tricked you, Valkyrie feels it is only right to provide a treat. We found the original music video to this song that may (or may not) provide some answers. Or, at the least, be just as insane as the Just Dance stage.
“Oh?” Everyone’s interests were peaked.
Yeah, the music video was campy AF.
Yet, most of the dancers and singers in the video were almost identical to the ones in Just Dance. Except for the guy in the bathtub that must have been the orange dancer in the game.
All of the idols were stunned and confused when the bathtub guy stood up and his pants…honestly, the author seriously thought it looked like a very bulky Chastity Belt. It also didn’t help that one of the scenes had the bathtub guy then chained to his bed inside a giant birdcage and, at one point, did a very suggestive hip thrust while semi-laying on it.
Overall, the music video was absolutely campy with zero extra context to help them. Was it funny? Absolutely. Did it make sense? No.
Especially when one of the other male singers became Elvis…when they were still inside an 18th-century French house…and everyone else was more or less fitting the French aristocracy theme. And it was only for that one, brief scene!
One could tell the singers were having a blast making the video though!
“Gotta admit,” Rinne stated after the video ended, “The facial expressions were next level.”
“Indeed,” HiMERU, under other circumstances, would normally find it extremely disconcerting that he was agreeing with Rinne, “They certainly know how to use those expressions to their fullest potential.”
“Did anyone figure out what the song is supposed to be about?” Hiiro asked the important question.
Everyone paused. “…Yeah, I got nothing.”
From Kagehira_Mika: Ta’ song is from 1991.
“IT’S THAT OLD!?” Everyone was stunned. That was older than when they traveled back in time during Overcooked! This song was older than ALL of them!
In the end, Mayoi beat them all, with Hiiro a close second. Rinne was hopelessly in last place.
~*~
“Ya know, how ‘bout we do one more round o’ World Dance Floor?” Kohaku suggested.
“I’m up for it,” Aira began.
“But,” Kohaku added, “We let Chat decide which songs are played.”
Everyone froze.
“A-Are you sure about that?” Mayoi questioned the pink bee’s sanity.
“Tis fer ta’ content!” Kohaku tried to sound smooth and convincing, “An’ I know our fans would love ta see Rinne-han fall over more!”
“Bitch!” Rinne wanted to smack Kohaku, “Between all this moving around and the hot sauce, I’m almost sober at the moment!”
“An’ yet ya still fail at dancin’.”
“What else did you expect, Oukawa?”
“Ya know what? CHAT! Pick the songs!”
“Uh, what happened to conferring before we do something?” Hiiro asked, “I thought we established that back in Lethal Company.”
Tatsumi offered a sympathetic smile to Hiiro as everyone else ignored him in favor of starting up the next round.
~*~
Chat was oddly kind. Then again, in the poll they set up, there were only four that voted for Rasputin. The crew knew immediately who those four were.
They chose the Cola Song by INNA ft. J. Balvin.
It definitely had the arm movements of “We No Speak Americano” yet was somehow less intense comparatively. Probably because the foot movement was much more simple.
“Ooh! This is catchy!~” Niki liked this one a lot and got into the groove with the dances, putting more passion and energy into it.
The Amagi brothers, however, realized what the lyrics were saying and earned red faces on par with their hair color, nearly stopping dancing entirely as they covered their mouths and noses with one or two hands out of embarrassment. Kohaku cackled as he saw their expressions. “Hiiro-han? Ya good? An’ I woulda thought Rinne-han wasn’t tha’ much o’ a prude!”
“Are you kidding!?” Niki laughed, “It took Rinne-kun FOREVER to be comfortable wearing a t-shirt and shorts around me!”
“And yet,” HiMERU began.
“Don’t ya start!” Rinne immediately ended HiMERU’s comments, knowing full well where the blue-nette was going to go with them.
Hiiro cleared his throat and tried to get back to dancing, pointedly looking away from the screen unless he absolutely had to look. Aira was having a blast. Leave it to Hiiro to be unaware of the hip and chest movements while dancing but get extremely shy and embarrassed when lyrics get even just a little bit explicit or suggestive.
Rinne started matching Niki’s energy and passion in the moves, making the editors put their cameras right next to each other in the final product to make it look like the duo were dancing with each other as Rinne started changing up the moves from the game to make it look like Niki and he were partners. It was honestly kind of cute.
The only thing surprising on the scoreboard was that Niki beat Mayoi for the top spot by a mere 10 points. Tatsumi and HiMERU were near the bottom not because they sucked at the song but because they had a hard time not getting distracted seeing Mayoi’s hologram dance and getting ideas into their heads.
~*~
It seemed Chat was in a silly mood, today, as the next song they chose was Dragostea Din Tei by O-Zone.
As soon as the iconic “numa numa ey” bit played as Aira hovered over the song selection screen, Hiiro got psyched. It took half a second for Rinne to register what this song was before he also got psyched. Niki took it upon himself to join the brothers in their excitement, knowing everyone else was either too reserved, shy, or calm to wrangle them.
The stage even took place on the wing of a plane as it took off, flew in the sky, and landed several times over with all sorts of random things happening on screen. Someone on the Just Dance Team saw the original music video and clearly said “we HAVE to make the stage an airplane wing”.
“Are the lyrics flying on parachutes!?” Rinne asked in shocked amusement.
Indeed, the lines of “ma-ia-hii, ma-ia-huu, ma-ia-haha” were parachuting behind them as the plane flew through a pink-purple sky. Just before the proper lyrics of the song began, the blue dancer tossed his air traffic signs off stage, earning a few cackles from the idols.
“Un haiduc”
“DUCKS!?”
There was a line of rubber ducks flying behind them in a Sin Wave formation.
Random, bathtub, rubber ducks.
HiMERU was having a hard time understanding the randomness of this stage. At least the other stages were artistic or made sense to an extent.
“Ti am dat beep”
BEEP
BEEP
With each beep came a new duck; one popping up on the wing with the dancers and one behind the tail engine of the plane. Rinne shouted “DUCKS!”.
HiMERU, Tatsumi, and Mayoi were getting slightly embarrassed by the exceptionally silly, yet entertaining dance moves, especially when they had to crouch and mimic the head nods of the dancers. Seriously, the dancers were in blue, green, and a vaguely red-purple. It was almost as if this poly trio were meant to be the characters.
When the chorus hit, Niki, Hiiro, and Rinne were having a blast doing the move that had them alternate kicks as they alternated waving their arms up and down with finger guns. It was so silly yet so fitting for this song that it worked.
However, the trio quickly realized that the next part was going to make this the one song where having another person in the room would make it EASIER. The dancers would place one arm on the other’s shoulder while spinning their free arm in a circle and kicking a leg out, alternating to the other side on a later set. It was comical in the way all three of the idols fell one after the other like ballet swimmers, the editors even having a fun time putting their cameras side-by-side to make the illusion work even better.
Aira was breathless in laughter as he tried to keep balance while witnessing the trio disappear chaotically offscreen. “Are you three okay!?”
The trio scrambled back onto the screen when the game had them do the alternating leg and arm motions once again. Hiiro shouted, “We’re fine!”
Rinne also shouted, “Ya didn’t see anything!”
“Nothing broke!” Niki had to cover their asses lest Ibara and Eichi came down on them.
Kohaku and Aira were too busy laughing at the trio to even register they looked just as goofy doing the dance moves. HiMERU, Tatsumi, and Mayoi, however, were keenly aware of the dance moves and Tatsumi’s smile turned strained as he saw the leg movements. Oh, how he wished those two were in the same room with him! Maybe his leg could tolerate that, in that case.
Well, HiMERU was just being a grouch at not wanting to look undignified doing such weird dances. Then again, Kaname would ream him for doing it in a half-assed manner.
On the next verse, Hiiro was the one to shout, “DUCKS!”, as the next line of ducks came and went. However, they were disappointed when there was a lack of beeps and, thus, no surprise ducks appeared on the plane with them.
“Nu ma nu ma iei! Nu ma nu ma iei!” Hiiro, Rinne, and, eventually Niki began to sing as they danced the chorus once again, this time taking precaution to not fall over when the next move came up.
“I think we found these three’s favorite,” HiMERU chuckled, having to shout slightly over those three’s singing.
“Ya think!?” Kohaku shouted back.
BANG!
“OW!” Aira had accidentally kicked the edge of the coffee table in his room during one of the moves, now hopping with the smarting foot in the air while somehow maintaining doing the moves for the game to say “perfect”.
“Are ya okay, Love-han!?”
“Aira?” Hiiro finally snapped out of his excitement at hearing Aira’s pained cry.
“I’m fine!” Aira’s lips pressed into a thin line as he bit back a groan of pain, determined to keep up his perfect streak.
Then came the hilarious change in dance moves for the “ma-ia-hii” verse where the trio of dancers lined up with blue kneeling on the ground on both knees, green slightly crouched behind blue, and purple behind them all. All of them had their arms outstretched and occasionally tilting from side to side like they were planes themselves. Poor HiMERU and Hiiro found themselves on the floor and, while the latter was casually bobbing his head like the dancer, the former was not too thrilled about putting himself in this position.
It only got worse when, during position changes into the next move, the blue dancer had to jump from his knees onto his feet and use his leg muscles to get himself to 1) stand and 2) get back into position. Hiiro managed it with shaky legs, feeling the burn. HiMERU, on the other hand, managed to get onto his feet before he lost his balance and fell on his side once again.
Mayoi and Tatsumi couldn’t stop laughing as they saw HiMERU’s hologram disappear for a few seconds until the blue-nette got back up during the middle of the first round of alternating swinging his arms and legs. “You saw nothing, you two!”
“Did Merumeru fall over, AGAIN!?”
The duo’s laughter was the redhead’s answer, inducing him to cackle at the expense of his humiliated blue bee.
At the end screen, it was revealed that Aira got a complete PERFECT for the song, nailing every single move. “HA! TAKE THAT, TABLE!”
“What happened?” Hiiro grew concerned despite the smile, his eyes wide.
“I accidentally kicked the table and stubbed my toe.”
“And ya still got a Perfect?” Kohaku was honestly impressed.
“Good job!” Hiiro clapped enthusiastically.
“Yeah! Tha’s impressive, Love-han!”
Aira blushed as he rubbed the tip of his hurting foot into the rug under his feet, looking away from the screen. Rinne took the opportunity to harass them. “Aw! You’re making your wife blush!”
“I AM NOT THEIR WIFE!”
“Yeah!” Hiiro defended his boyfriend seriously, “Unlike you guys with your gender roles, we share our wifely duties!”
Kohaku cackled like mad and crumpled to the floor upon hearing that. Aira was an even redder mess, now covering his face with his hands. “HIRO-KUN!”
“What!? I’m defending you!”
“DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!?”
The older poly trio was in hysterics while Niki hung his head with a tired smile, covering his eyes in shame. These kids were too much some days.
~*~
Once the idols could wrangle themselves back to a calmer state, and getting Chat to STOP harassing them all for falling over so many times and teasing the youngest three about their “wifely duties”, the last challenge song was picked by Chat.
And if anyone thought it couldn’t get any more sillier or random…
…They were wrong.
“…Beep beep I’m a sheep?” Rinne read the title of the song. “…The fuck!?”
“I…have never heard this before.” Aira was greatly confused as the game loaded.
“Neither have I…” It was not a good sign when even Kohaku had never heard of it. When both Internet kids haven’t heard of something, it had to be obscure.
Oh, if only they had watched the ASDF Movie 10. If only. Then they would have known.
The author certainly hadn’t heard this song before writing this chapter, that was for sure!
The idols were greatly confused when the background was just sheer white. Then, their confusion turned into hilarious, confused astonishment as the dancer, dressed as a LITTERAL sheep, crawled onto the stage on all fours. Rinne was nearly silent as he whispered, “The fuck…?”
Then the dancer stood on their legs. The dancing started with zero warning as the song began. The background then turned into the music video directly from ASDF, hand-drawn, cartoon sheep and all.
“BEEP BEEP I’m a sheep!
I said beep beep I’m a sheep!”
The voice was robotic and filtered. The sheep in the background had sunglasses and backward-facing hats. The idols were SO confused that most of them were barely doing the dances at all, staring at the screen with utter bewildered confusion and doing minimal movement. It was as if all of their brains lagged in processing what was happening before them.
“Yeah~”
“I don’t like the way he said that…” Tatsumi leaned back. Clearly, it was meant to sound cool, but it came off as a little too sexy, concerning the priest.
“Some of you may be wondering how exactly does one beep beep like a sheep.”
“Uh…no?” All of them said at once.
“Step two: get down on all fours!”
The only ones to follow the dance moves, albeit very hesitantly and in bewilderment, were Rinne and Niki, quite literally getting down on all fours on the floor. Rinne looked up and made a perplexed expression with an agape mouth as he saw the dancer, and what he should be doing, kick his back legs into the air like a rearing sheep. “…HUH!?”
Most of the lyrics consisted of “beep beep” and some variation of “like a sheep” or “I’m a sheep”.
It was damn catchy…but extremely weird to find on a Just Dance game. Much less dance to.
Everyone was so confused they had stopped dancing entirely, completely dumbfounded by what they were hearing and seeing.
Chat was having a field day at their expense.
On the next verse, Rinne, Niki, and Hiiro at least tried to do the dance moves – the ones that were relatively normal at least. Except for getting on all fours. Those three were still horrified and confused by that.
Then…
“Step four! Go crazy now
And meow meow like a cow!”
“WHAT!?” All of them shouted.
The rest of the song then changed to “Meow meow I’m a cow” for a good while.
“…C-Cows don’t meow!?” All of them shouted in extreme confusion.
What was even more hilarious was that the animation behind the dancer had a sheep with the word “cow” written on it – as if the animator wasn’t paid enough to make whole animation slides for a cow so they kept to assets they already had.
“I said
You’ve got to-
You’ve got to
BEEP BEEP like a sheep!”
“Uh…” All of them had stopped dancing save for maybe moving an arm very hesitatingly.
When the song ended, no one even got a “good”. It was a miracle if any of them managed to get “ok” into the double digits.
They all stared at the screen in shocked confusion, perplexed at what they had just bore witness to.
Chat exploded with several idols shouting how they “broke the Alkakurei Crew”, laughing hysterically. Except for Trickstar who were nearly as confused as them despite finding their reactions hilarious.
“Uh-Um…” Aira hesitated, “What was that?”
Rinne looked to Tatsumi who also shared the same look. “I think Satan put something in that hot sauce this time.”
“Satan and God are laughing at us right now,” Tatsumi agreed, brow arched and keeping one eye on the screen before him.
~*~
And with that, their journey on Just Dance came to a close…for now.
It was no surprise that Mayoi got first place despite the…out of pocket third song. Niki came in second place, with Aira and Kohaku tied for third. Hiiro was in fourth. The last three…
…It was best not to mention.
Their scores were abysmal.
Rinne did get dead last, however.
~*~
While the wheel spun and the next unit was chosen, the idols got to work putting the rooms back in order. Once that was all settled, Rinne sat in his chair heavily. “Ah! I’m tired! Can we do something not so physically taxing!?”
Eichi announced the next winner was Eden.
The bees stared at that announcement in pained horror. “Oh no…”
The comment was announced to the group.
From Saegusa_Ibara: Relax! We’ll go easy!
“Define ‘easy’,” Rinne uttered.
From Saegusa_Ibara: It’s technically a single-player game, so you can all just share screens and work together.
“Ugh…Not another puzzle game…” HiMERU did not have enough Advil for two puzzle games with this crew.
From Saegusa_Ibara: Oh, quit whining! You’ll all be fine!
They all sighed in defeat. Rinne waved them through. “Alright…what’s the game?”
From Saegusa_Ibara: There is no game.
Everyone collectively voiced the same thought. “…HUH!?”