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It was a very quiet night at Button House, and all its residents, both dead and alive, had turned in early that evening after the deceased portion of the household had finished watching a film. The original 1979 Muppet movie- a particular favourite of Kitty’s, chosen for her by Pat, but it had enough adult-ish humour, music and good storytelling for most of the others to enjoy it as well. Julian had complained at first but was overtaken by a wave of nostalgia, despite the fact that he most certainly was not watching Muppet films in the 70s and 80s.
They’d all turned in at 9pm, knowing tonight was going to be rough on Alison- her first night alone with the baby, Mia, who was now more of a toddler, really. She had begun to walk a tiny bit and still had not lost her seemingly innate ability to see the undead, for better or worse (the ghosts liked to think it was for the better, and deep down Alison was thrilled about it, if a little concerned about how she would explain the young man with an obvious bullet hole in his abdomen to her child when said child was old enough to notice or care).
The house was quieter than usual, a sense of understanding (or half-understanding, in some cases) dawning over the ghosts when Alison had come downstairs and asked tiredly that they retire early so she could get some real sleep, even without Mike there to help with the baby.
So James was surprised when he was awakened from a light, tossing-turning slumber by a quiet knock at his door at approximately 2200 hours.
He sat up, knowing there was only two options here in terms of who was knocking, and not all that long ago he would’ve automatically assumed it was Alison on account of the fact that Julian would never have bothered to knock so quietly. But the politician had gained an amount of respect for others The Captain had once thought impossible since Alison had announced she was pregnant, even if that respect might’ve seemed like something floating just around the bar of “bare minimum”, so James wasn’t entirely sure what to expect.
He hoped it was Alison, he wasn’t sure he could deal with the type of back-and-forwards conversation Julian enjoyed so much right now. It required a lot of focus if The Captain wanted to actually stay engaged, trying to decode the other man’s slang and cultural references that James often misinterpreted.
“It’s me.” Came a quiet, feminine voice, and The Captain audibly sighed in relief, getting out of bed with a creak of his bones and unnecessarily straightening his uniform. He poked his head through the door and what he saw tugged at his heart- Alison looked, quite frankly, a mess.
She wore only an old T-Shirt, covered in muck, what he assumed was baby sick and food, and her hair was tangled. She held Mia in her arms, rocking her as she slept, her eyes fluttering as she dreamed.
But the most noticeable thing about Alison wasn’t her immediate physical appearance, it was just how exhausted she clearly was. Her eyes had deep bags underneath them, she had clearly not slept for some time, and The Captain sighed softly and sadly at the sight. He had known that Alison’s first night looking after Mia while Mike was away for business for a week would take a toll on the young mother, but he was now seeing that the effects had already taken hold.
“I- uh-“ James started, unsure of how to react to the state of the woman standing before him. “Alison. Is there anything you need?” He landed on some sensible words finally, trying to keep his voice as calm and steady as possible to avoid waking the baby.
“I just- I’ve never left her to sleep on my own before, without Mike here, I mean, and it’s”- she paused to give a very, very quiet laugh that didn’t quite reach her eyes- “It’s more difficult than I thought”.
The pair stood in silence for a moment as The Captain stepped out into the hallway, turning his swagger stick over in his hands to feel the familiar, comforting weight.
“Is there-“ James started, unsure of what Alison wanted from him. “Is there anything I can do? To help?” He bounced on his heels quietly and subconsciously, an action that had stayed with him for most of his life and death, and he expected would remain as calming as it currently was for as long as he remained in this afterlife.
Alison looked around at the paintings on the walls of her house, seemingly searching for words, as though she, herself, was not sure what it was she actually wanted or had come here for. The Captain watched silently, waiting for her to speak.
“I’d like a bit of help, I think.” She said, almost tearing up, and The Captain stepped forwards out of instinct, before remembering for what must have been the 1000th time that he couldn’t touch her. Alison looked a mess, that was undeniable, but how James was supposed to help with that, he didn’t know.
“How can I help? I can’t exactly hold the child, but I suppose I could watch her, or-“ He started, very nearly beginning to list off the things he was capable of doing to help, but Alison cut him off. “Yes, please.” She asked quietly. “If you could maybe just- god, I don’t know, I’m sorry- watch over her while I clean up. Clean myself up, I mean, argh, god knows I need it.” She gave a quiet laugh again and continued her light bouncing rhythm with Mia in her arms.
“Of course.” The Captain replied, straightening his back and bouncing once again. “Shall we head to your room, then?” He asked, gesturing a hand down the hall in the general direction that eventually lead to Alison’s bedroom. Alison nodded silently in return, a quiet sniffle escaping, and she looked up to avoid any tears falling as they began walking.
Motherhood was difficult. The Captain had never been too familiar with it as a concept, never had children, a wife, had never seen just how exhausting looking after a child could be. Alison and Mike had done an excellent job so far, in James’ opinion, and he expected this would continue. They were both such loving parents, and watching Mia grow and change, discovering new things every day, reminded The Captain of what it felt like to be alive, and of everything he might’ve had in another lifetime.
They reached Alison’s bedroom and she opened the door with one hand, still bouncing Mia against her chest as she pushed the door open and gently pushed it closed with her foot behind her. Alison walked over to the large crib at the edge of the room- her and Mike had moved it into the main bedroom before Mike had left, so that Alison would be sure to hear any noises. She could get anxious about Mia’s safety, understandably, and felt uncomfortable at the thought of her being across the hall from her while her husband wasn’t also there to help out.
The Captain stood a little bit away from Alison as she gently and lovingly placed Mia in her crib. The child barely stirred, and Alison ran a hand through her soft, curly hair, smiling tiredly at her child. James’ forever-stilled heart seemed to feel as though something was tugging at it, and he put a hand over his chest absentmindedly.
Alison stepped away softly, the only sound in the room was her (necessary) and The Captain’s (unnecessary) gentle breathing.
She turned to him, her eyes almost pleading, but what for, neither of them knew. “I wasn’t sure who to go to- I mean, I was, I couldn’t exactly leave Thomas or Kitty alone with her right now-“ The Captain gave a quiet laugh. “Very true. Thomas would take the task on, but perhaps a little too enthusiastically, and Katherine, well…”
“Yeah. I just needed someone, I suppose.”
The conversation turned silent as The Captain stepped closer to the cot, watching the sleeping child with the same intrigue and love he’d felt for her since she arrived at Button House. “You’re doing a rather marvellous job, you know.” He whispered, turning to Alison. “It’s been wonderful to watch you and Mike raise her.”
They both knew things had been left unsaid in that sentence, so Alison pushed on. “Thank you, Cap, really. I’m sure if-“ she hesitated, watching as James turned to meet her gaze briefly, before his eyes flickered to the floor. “I’m sure you would’ve made a wonderful father, had that been possible, you know, in your time.”
The Captain wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he stood in silence, turning his stick over and over in his hands repeatedly, before finally settling on a “Thank you, Alison.”
Alison thought she’d crossed a huge line, but to her surprise, The Captain continued.
“I had never been sure if I’d wanted it, because I’d never entertained the thought in a serious manner. It was a fantasy- a family, I mean. It was a pipe dream, I suppose.” He said softly, his words so quiet they were barely audible. “I do wonder now, though, now that we have Mia here, what-“ he stopped to look at Alison out of politeness, the need to maintain some kind of eye contact drilled into him from a young age- “what my life would’ve looked like, had I been born later.”
Alison stood in silence, The Captain’s honesty still stunning her despite the fact he was so much more open these days. About what his life had been like beyond the war, about feelings and thoughts he’d long kept buried and hidden away, sometimes even about Havers.
“Well, she loves you.” Alison provided, not sure what else to say. “And based on what little we know about ghost-science, I don’t think that’s going away any time soon.” She gave James a soft smile, and he smiled back, before looking down at his feet.
“Right.” He said, his voice changing ever so slightly to his more commanding-officer-y one, and Alison smirked, even in her exhausted state. You can take the man out of the army, she thought…
“You do as you need to- perhaps have a shower, get into something clean, wash your hair if you have the energy-“ he said, looking over her appearance, and Alison laughed quietly at his somewhat brutal honesty.
“What?” The Captain asked genuinely, a slightly confused look on his face that Alison was very familiar with by now. “Nothing, nothing.” She replied with a smile. “Thank you. Will you watch her, just- I don’t know- call out, quietly, if that’s possible, if anything happens.”
She looked down at Mia, who raised an arm up in her sleep and clenched her fist.
“I doubt we’ll run into any trouble, Alison.” The Captain replied, smiling down at the sleeping child. “I’ll be here, won’t take my eyes off her for a second.”
Alison smirked tiredly. “I’m not sure that’s necessary, you’re allowed to look away, Cap, but I really do appreciate you watching her. Thank you.” She smiled and headed to the ensuite bathroom, her already incredibly low energy levels depleting even more. She had had the foresight to lay out clean pyjamas before she reached this point of exhaustion, and she didn’t think she’d ever been more thankful to her past self before.
She took off the- frankly rather gross- long T-Shirt she was wearing and looked at her tired- no, exhausted- face in the mirror. She’d seen Mike look just as awful, young children were a lot.
She ran a hot shower, and outside, James smiled as he heard it running, knowing Alison was finally getting a moment to herself after an entire day of solo parenting. He then turned his eyes to Mia, nodded and smiled at her as he saw she was still sleeping soundly despite the added noise, and began to pace up and down beside the cot, along the edges of the room. He held back the urge to brightly hum an old tune that kept replaying in his head, and instead turned his swagger stick over in his hands with a little more silent enthusiasm as he paced.
He heard the tell-tale sound of a shampoo bottle tumbling onto a tile floor, and heard Alison curse lightly. He paced his way back to the cot, staring down at the child again, his mind beginning to do that “wandering” thing he’d put off and stuffed deep down for what felt like an eternity. “You are allowed to feel things”, Alison had told him many times now, but he still struggled to allow himself to even think freely, even after 80-odd years. Longer, really.
If he’d had the chance, then yes, a domestic life might’ve been nice. A quiet cottage, perhaps a pet of some kind, a dog or a cat. Somewhere with grounds or surrounding areas big enough for him to take his morning runs, but not so big it all felt like too much to keep track of. And Anthony, he thought with a quiet smile, a look of nostalgia and sadness on his face.
Yes, that could have been nice.
The Captain heard the shower stop running, and ceased his already slowed pacing as he stared down at Mia again. She rarely slept so soundly, so he had certainly gotten lucky somehow. The house was often filled with the sound of a crying baby and had been for some time now, which was something Julian had struggled to adapt to.
The Captain could only assume that Julian’s bad moods when the baby was crying had something to do with the fact he’d not been very present, if present at all, in his own child’s life. But Julian had learnt to interact with Mia in his own way in time, less naturally paternal than Pat or James, but he was certainly getting there, pushing around chess pieces on the board or using all his effort to roll a ball towards her.
The Captain struggled with the crying too, but only because of the piercing noise, something he soothed by finding a quiet spot and pacing or humming when it all got a bit much. Alison was respectful of this, and wasn’t offended at all when The Captain needed to leave large family gatherings involving the baby for a bit, much to his surprise. He had assumed walking out would be taken in offence, but it never was.
Alison finally opened the door, dressed in clean pyjamas, her hair shiny and eyes just a little brighter, if still clearly very, very tired. She smiled at James, and he smiled back, before looking down at Mia. “She’s done an excellent job at staying asleep. You’ve taught her well.” He said, and Alison gave a quiet chuckle. “Not sure if it’s a matter of teaching, Cap, but thank you.” She looked over her rather messy bed and moved a few items- a tissue box, some baby-related things The Captain couldn’t quite identify, and her cellphone.
As Alison made the bed, Cap walked over to her. “Is there anything else you need me to do?” He asked, somewhat excited at the idea of what his brain was at least partially perceiving as a secret nighttime mission. He bounced on his heels again, giving a small smile.
Alison hesitated.
“I- I don’t want to ask too much of you, Cap”- He cut her off without noticing, something Alison was used to by now. “No, no, Alison, you are working very hard at something many people struggle to do, and as of right now-“ He subconsciously looked down to check his watch, before remembering he hadn’t had one in 80 years- “You need to rest. So just point me towards the enem- uh, the baby-related duties.”
Alison smiled again. “Well, in that case, would you mind, uh… keeping guard?” She said, choosing her words carefully and smirking as James subtly lit up at them. “Keep guard of… Mia, you mean?” He asked, glancing back over to the sleeping young girl. Alison nodded with a smirk. “I’d love to get some sleep, but I think that would be impossible with my anxiety about Mia right now. So if you wouldn’t mind- I know you don’t technically need to sleep, but it’s okay if you’d rather do that, I promise- if you wouldn’t mind, would you watch over her? Just for tonight?”
The Captain looked over at Mia and felt that feeling in his chest that he’d started to learn not to be incredibly annoyed at.
“Of course. This child will sleep both safely and soundly, you have my word. I’ll wake you if anything is needed.” He said, assuming his CO stance.
“She’ll probably wake me, to be honest, but it means a lot. To know she’s safe. Thank you.” Alison said, getting comfortable in bed and turning off the already-dim nightlight.
They stood and laid down, respectively, in silence for a little while.
In the dark, The Captain whispered, “You truly are doing an excellent job. I may have never got to do this exact task myself, but I know it must be so very tiring to raise an entire being.” He looked over at her. “You’re doing ever so wonderfully.”
A few moments passed.
“So are you.” Alison replied sleepily, and The Captain looked up at the ceiling as Alison had earlier to prevent any tears from daring to fall.
“Thank you.” He straightened up, hands on his swagger stick, before walking over to the chair near the cot and sitting down.
“Standing guard.”