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“There are 3 types of memory: memory of the heart, memory of the mind, and memory of the body. It is a sort of failsafe you see, when one or two forgets that which remain remembers.”
“Then how do you truly forget?”
“You forget when all three agree to let go, or something forces them to.”
There is pain in the fond smile she gives him, pity in her other-worldly eyes.
It took him far too many days to find her in this realm of death and blood, made more difficult by his current condition. Falling into this god-forsaken place had been a death sentence as a young boy. But while the first time was a tragic accident, his return was not. Despite the risk, despite the danger, the possibility of being devoured by monstrous creatures was a risk he was all too willing to take.
Looking back, he never thought he would return to this place this way. In the warm comfortable embrace of his bed, many nights were spent musing about their reunion. He had often imagined hunting her down, a lot stronger than she had last seen him, forcing her to use both hands as their blades crossed.
But the reality was that here he stood, hungry and tired, bruised and battered, begging for her help.
Not much different from the first time they met.
Not the first time he was proven wrong. He really should’ve learned by now.
When he had crawled his way out of the Abyss, he had been so sure that his family would be relieved to have him back.
He was wrong.
He had been so sure that his family would never abandon him, after all, he had suffered and went through hell just to return to them.
His father gave him to the Fatui.
He had thought that what he and Zhongli had was love. That they would share his short human life together.
The reincarnation of the Goddess of Dust shattered that.
He had always had doubts. Ones he had tried his best to ignore. He wasn’t a replacement; Zhongli wasn’t that kind of person.
Turns out he was a replacement, one easily thrown away.
Zhongli was that kind of person.
Being manipulated and used as a pawn in his scheme with the Tsaritsa should’ve been a clear indication.
He should’ve known that her return signaled the end of his life with the Geo Archon.
The Prime of the Adepti and the Goddess of Dust, partners, lovers, soulmates. As the stories have recounted.
“Stay here with me,” she had whispered, the night before he clawed his way out of the depths. “Above only pain and betrayal awaits those touched by the Abyss.”
She had been right.
He really should’ve listened.
Now he stands before her, after diving unto the first crack he found, traversing the shadowy depths, risking life and limb, returning to the only place where rejection and betrayal will never touch him. She had beaten him up, broken his bone, and thrown him into endless battles with the creatures of the shadowy depths. But she had never betrayed him, she never will.
In her violent care, he had learned to fight, to survive.
In her violent care, he had found the family he’d always thought his original was.
She protected him, fed him, and trained him.
She had asked him the question.
Again and again and again.
“Is there something your heart desires, boy?” She asks as her clawed hands tirelessly bandage his wounds.
“I just wanna go home,” Young Ajax answers with a sob.
She shakes her head.
“Is there something your heart desires, Ajax?” She asks as she gazes at him, at his pitiful state, at the desperation in his eyes.
“… yes.” Childe chokes out.
She nods.
She understands.
She spreads her arms wide and the space around them brightens as the torches that lined the ancient decaying walls light up on their own. “Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is the first law of Equivalent Exchange.” Her voice rings across the room and at every word the sigils on the wet floor light up one at a time. “If you are determined to obtain that which you desire, you must pay the price. If you are determined,” a clawed hand reaches out for him, beckoning, “then come.”
Holding his swollen belly protectively, the heart-wrenching stillness of the child inside driving him, Childe–Ajax steps forward. The world had already taken everything from him.
It will not take this one.