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Pomni spends the majority of her first feast within the digital circus silent - listening to the sounds of the others as they converse but not really hearing any words - only the mumbles, the grunts, the uhhhhs. She's not really able to take in any of the conversation, her brain unable to process more than the bare basics of what is going on around her for fear that too much stimuli will send her into a very public and very dramatic meltdown. When the feast finally concludes and the remaining virtual food fades away into nothing but stray pixels on her plate, Pomni pushes away from the table, ready to stand and venture to her new room when she feels two hands on her shoulders push her back down into her seat, firmly but not harshly from behind.
"Just a moment there, my dear."
Pomni's shoulders tense as she hears Caine's voice come from behind her. His tone is slightly different than it had been earlier, different in a way she had yet to hear before - it was stern, almost scolding like a parent reprimanding a child.
"Goodnight everyone," says Caine and Pomni can see Ragatha give her a soft, nervous smile as she passes by and heads out toward the hallway with the others. "I'd just like to take a moment to speak with our new friend here."
Pomni hears Jax mutter something beneath his breath. She doesn't hear exactly what he says, but his tone and his snicker suggest it was some slight at her expense. Soon the noise of her new friends? co-workers? fellow, lost souls of this new digital realm? - leaving the room fades away and she is left alone with just Caine behind her. At first the ringmaster says nothing and all Pomni can focus on is the hammering of her heart in her chest.
Before Caine can even start the conversation, Pomni's mouth opens, her tongue dry and her throat tight as she finally voices the main concern that has been plaguing her mind since the feast first started: "Caine, a-am I dead?" Because, if there's no exit, than she must be, right?
Caine's response is not one she'd been expecting. It wasn't cackling laughter or some kind of joke, it is a very calm and very paternal: "No Pomni, you are not dead." Again, he uses that tone that reminds her of how a parent might respond to a childish question like 'are you sure there aren't any monsters beneath my bed?' There was a certainty too it that left no room for argument or question.
But if she wasn't dead and this wasn't some kind of dream or hallucination then ...
"But what about my body? My real body?" The question is out of her mouth before she can stop herself. She can feel Caine's hold on her shoulders tighten slightly. "What's going to happen to my real body?" She sounds as though she's just barely choking back a sob. She can't remember much about her real body or her previous life, but the thought of her old body just sitting and rotting away somewhere still wearing that stupid headset makes her heart sink like a heavy rock in her stomach.
"This is your real body now," replies Caine, speaking in the same way one might state a fact. His hold on her shoulders is still firm, but not unkind. In some odd way, it's almost comforting? It's as if his hold is anchoring her down, as if he's trying to keep her from falling into full panic mode.
"B-But what about -" she says as she finally turns in her chair and looks up at him, frustrated by the certainty in his voice and his vague answer. She jumps slightly as she takes in his appearance, for a moment there she'd forgotten that she hadn't been talking to another human and that Caine was some sort of frightening yet ridiculous-looking creature.
"I don't know." He replies "...but I have been here a long time. And the others have been here a long time. As I mentioned, your mind is one of the few things I cannot control and this includes your memory. Your body could be alive and well. Or ..." he pauses and places a hand to the bottom of his mouth in thought, "Or perhaps, you've disappeared from your old world completely. Perhaps you no longer exist in the real world and those that you interacted with have no memory of you at all."
Pomni's heart sinks at the thought. She must've had a family or friends or even a partner? The moment she placed that headset one, did that mean that her whole being disappeared from existence? Did her loved ones just wake up the next day and forget she'd ever played a role in their lives at all?
Caine pats her shoulder in a comforting way as he says the next bit, "Or there's the possibility that your body is still somewhere far away, wearing the headset and decaying away bit by bit with each passing day and your family and friends will spend the rest of their lives wondering where you went and what happened to you, never to receive any form of closure." He's says this with no remorse, once again speaking as if he were stating a simple fun fact. Pomni's blood runs cold. Even though she can't remember her past life, her heart breaks for those she's left behind in the real world.
"I don't know what happened to your original body, Pomni. But I do know that there is no use worrying about it because this ..." He pauses and gently tugs on one of the tail ends of her jester hat, making the bell at the end ring. "... is your new body now and will continue to be your body moving forward."
Pomni's lower lip trembles. This is way too much to take in and the way he's speaking is the complete opposite of the friendly and excitable ringmaster she'd spoken to earlier that day. She opens her mouth to respond, to ask another question but no words seem to want to come out. Still Caine holds up a hand as if to silence her as he continues, "You need to stop focusing on the past, Pomni. Think about the now. You are a clever girl, I can see that clearly. So instead of looking to the past and stressing yourself out with the "what ifs," why don't you instead focus on the facts: Your name is Pomni and this is your home now."
She nods, but this doesn't seem to satisfy Caine. He says, "Repeat it back to me, please."
Everything inside her screams not to as if uttering this phrase will lock her into this new life, but she can sense something dark coming from Caine in this moment and at least for now, she knows better than to try to argue. "M-my name is Pomni and this is my home now?"
"One more time with more certainty please."
She gives a defeated sigh as she repeats the phrase, this time speaking as if stating a fact instead of asking a question: "My name is Pomni and this is my home now."
Caine's hold on her shoulder releases as he reaches out and gently pats Pomni on the head in the same way one may praise a dog. "Good girl. Now -"
And in that moment, in that quick break in-between words, the stern, cold version of Caine disappears and the wacky and bright side from earlier returns. In a now cheery voice he says, "off to bed with you, young lady! Off! Off you go!" He pulls her to her feet and gently pushes her off toward the hallway where the bedrooms she saw earlier lie. "We may not need rest in the virtual realm, but you've had a long day and we want you ready and well-rested for the new adventure that awaits you tomorrow!"
And Pomni, with no idea what else to do and no more will to fight or question in that moment, simply nods and starts toward the hallway. She stops in the doorway and turns, looking back at the ringmaster who gives her a friendly wave and smile, "Goodnight Caine."
Caine nods and replies in return, "Goodnight Pomni. Sweet dreams, my dear girl."
Pomni gulps, returns the nod and heads toward her bedroom door leaving Caine still standing alone within the main tent walls.