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“Oi, what are you two doing?”
Zolf watches Sasha and Wildes heads shoot up as he wheels into the kitchen. Sasha gives him a massive grin.
“Wildes gonna teach me vegetable carving!”
“that’s cool. Don’t get why that involves the two of you having your grubby feet up on my kitchen counter though.” Zolf states, gesturing to where the two are sat cross legged on his large central counter.
Wilde wiggles his toes through his bright yellow socks.
“How dare you! I’ll have you know these socks are freshly washed! Anyway, this is the best place for vegetable carving. Sitting on a chair would be too restrictive for movement and sitting on the floor would just be unhygienic. I promise that we’ll thoroughly wipe down the services when we’re done.”
“You better.” Zolf replies, wheeling over to his little pantry. “I’ve got a new recipe I want to try out so I hope you don’t mind me working around you while yo-”
Zolf pauses as he opens the pantry, bending to get his key ingredient, only to find its not there.
“What the-?” He turns to the other two, “hey have either of you see-”
It’s at this point he clocks exactly what type of vegetable the others have chosen. Sat innocently between Sasha and Wilde are three large pumpkins. The same three large pumpkins that Cel had given to him. The same three pumpkins that have been sitting idly in his pantry for a week as he agonised over what to do with them. The same three large pumpkins that he was literally just about to cook with.
“Hey! Who said you could have my pumpkins? Actually, no scratch that, better question, why exactly do you have my pumpkins?”
“For carving? You feeling okay mate, because you literally just asked us that same question.”
Zolf turns to Wilde. “Don’t you carve turnips?”
“Well, yes but turnips are quite small darling, and I have very big ideas.”
“Yeah, and so do I, making you two dinner, which I need those pumpkins for. So, if you could maybe squash those big ideas onto a nice turnip that would be lovely.”
“we’re only using the outside!”
“Which is most of the pumpkin. Come on Oscar, we’ve got lots of turnips that need using up. itd be a big help to me.”
Zolf can tell that Wildes resolve is waning, but the man still gives it another shot.
“isn’t there something you could cook with just the guts and a bit of flesh.”
“Wait, guts?” asks Sasha, suddenly intrigued.
“Yeah, that’s what you call the insides, the guts.” Zolf clarifies.
Sasha’s face lights up
“Oh, oh, can I deal with the guts? That sounds wicked!”
Zolf goes to answer but Wilde beats him to it. the bard puts on a faux disappointed tone.
“I wish you could dear, but Zolf here is insisting that we don’t use his precious pumpkins, and instead go for turnips, which don’t have guts.”
Sashas face falls.
“Oh, okay, that’s fine. Whatever works best for you mate, I don’t min-”
“Nah it’s alright you can use the pumpkins. Just make sure that you put the guts into a bowl so that I can use them for soup. Also, can you save some of the flesh, that’ll probably come in handy too.”
“Will do, thanks mate, you’re the best!”
“Yes, thank you darling.”
Wilde looks way too smug and Zolf glares at him.
“you’re a manipulative bastard, you know that?”
“of course, I do, it’s my best quality.”
Zolf has no reply to that, so he just wheels off to find a bowl. He can hear Sasha and Wilde laughing behind him before they return to conversations about carving techniques and designs.
Once Zolf has located a bowl and given it to the two at the table he returns to the task of sorting out dinner. He wheels around, finding ingredients and utensils ready for when he receives his bowls of pumpkin. He lets the sounds of Sasha and Wildes joyful chatter filter to the background. treats it like a pleasant white noise.
Or at least that’s what he was doing before his peaceful task was disrupted by a startled yelp followed by frantic babbling.
He spins his chair around as fast as he can and is faced with Sasha frantically flicking her hands away from her. her arms appear to be covered in pumpkin guts up to the elbows and she does not seem happy about it. her babbling begins to form itself into coherent words.
“Nope, nope, nope. Bad, very bad. Don’t like that, don’t like that at all. That does not feel like real guts one bit. That’s false advertisement right there.”
Wilde is still sat in front of Sasha and is frantically moving his hands, trying to work out how to help her. swiftly he works out a solution and hums softly to himself. The note has hardly left his mouth before Sashas arms become instantly clean.
Slowly shahs hand shaking slows down. Once she’s significantly calmer she glares at both Wilde and Zolf, a little pout on her lips.
“You told me those were guts! That did not feel like guts at all. That felt awful.”
“And actual guts don’t?” Wilde asks, vaguely horrified.
“Actual guts don’t feel cold and slimy! I don’t know why anyone would put their hands in something cold and slimy. Are you sure we have to physically get rid of the guts, can’t we just magic them away?”
“Normally yes, but I need to use them to make dinner. So sadly, we’re going to have to sort it out manually.
“Well, I ain’t sorting that out. sorry mates, one of you is going to have to do it instead.”
At this Wilde turns to Zolf with one of the most desperately pleading looks he’s ever seen his partner make. And his partners made a lot of desperately pleading looks. It’s a look that says, ‘darling please don’t make me do it, I’ve just had a manicure and I’m wearing one of my favourite shirts’.
Zolf shoots him back a look which says, ‘tough shit, that’s nothing a bit of magic won’t solve, do you want to disappoint Sasha’. Then he looks at sahsa, with a big smile on his face.
“Unfortunately, Sasha I can’t help, I’m still sorting out stuff for our dinner. I’m pretty sure Oscar will help though, isn’t that right love.”
He shoots Wilde another look, this one saying, ‘if you disappoint her, you’re sleeping on your own tonight’.
Wildes returning look says, ‘you don’t need to threaten me, I’d never willingly disappoint Sasha’.
Wilde swiftly turns back to face Sasha and Zolf watches as he puts on his brightest smile.
“of course, I’ll help sash, no problem to me. let me just roll up my sleaves then ill get right to it.”
Zolf doesn’t think he’s ever seen Wilde roll his sleeves up slower, properly taking his time to secure the cuffs in place, making sure the fabric rested all neat and tidy. Of course, he can’t stall forever though and eventually his hand rests tentatively atop the pumpkin.
He sends one last hopeless look to Zolf before plunging his hands in.
Wildes face contorts in disgust as he scoops out the guts of the pumpkin into the bowl. It’s a long task but eventually Wilde scoops the last of it how. He looks so happy and triumphant that Zolf can’t help but give him a massive grin and a thumbs up. honestly, he’d done well.
However, Wildes elation soon fades when Sasha hands him another pumpkin.
“This one now please.” She states and Wilde groans.
Zolf wheels back to his cooking with a bright peel of laughter falling from his lips.