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Thunderous stomps of monster feet and clacking of hooves echoed amongst shrieks and calls that became indistinguishable within the cacophony of chaos that seemed to follow The Muppet Studio like a shadow.
Every night was like this, and had been like this for almost half a century. When you put on a show like this, you get to work with a lot of different, strange, eccentric… and all around weird acts. It was always something Kermit loved as much as he loathed, because the consequences of having such a diverse cast meant that nothing ever seemed to be particularly organized, and not for a lack of trying.
The studio could’ve been heard from several states away. Countries, even. Maybe even planets if they listened closely enough, Kermit thought to himself as he watched penguins get chased by horses, who in turn were being chased by chickens that were themselves being chased by a very unhappy Swede.
Truthfully, he’d learnt to handle it, roll with the punches, and accept the near-daily nonsense he’d had to put up with. Sometimes, he wondered if that made him just as crazy as everyone else - other times, he knew for certain that it did.
He was roused out of his thoughts by a particularly loud crash backstage. The irony was not lost on him. He dared not survey the damages.
Being used to chaos didn’t make it any less chaotic, and Kermit was getting a firsthand taste of that feeling.
He wasn’t entirely sure what specifically had soured his mood that evening. Maybe it was Fozzie’s insistence that he look over an entire sheet of jokes exclusively about baseball fifteen minutes before curtain. Maybe it was the band coming to ask about upping their wages for the umpteenth time. Individually. Or perhaps the ensuing nearly-avoided Animal mauling.
Maybe it was Piggy’s attempts at charming her way into the guest star’s performance spot.
The more he thought about it, the more he kicked himself over hiring a lunch lady before an HR consultant. She did make a mean moth and snail wrap, though - which made it hard to complain, but it did become a more pressing issue when he found himself wiping snout-shaped lipstick stains from his collar every other night.
He sighed as he pinched the spot between his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he felt more irritated at his co-stars for being, well, themselves, or more frustrated with himself for being upset about it to begin with. He was on tonight, for pete’s sake! He didn’t have time to sulk. Especially over things that were so trivial in his job. Yet, as he listened to the band play an aggressive, albeit cheery tune through the walls, he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a nice, mossy log and never emerge.
A chorus of loud knocks interrupted his thoughts, and only then did Kermit realize just how hard he’d been pinching his face, wincing at the little mark left behind as he quickly turned to race towards the door. He flung the door open to the very enthusiastic face of Gonzo, who was still going through the motions of knocking despite the door being opened.
“Gonzo, what are you doing?” Kermit asked, partly sarcastic and fully unamused. Gonzo paused his rapid hand motion and instead grabbed Kermit by the shoulders, startling him.
“Kermit! I just found the most amazing thing!” He shouted in the frog’s face, “You’ve just gotta see it! We can’t delay!”
Kermit resisted against the (strangely strong) pulling of the weirdo in front of him, wrestling his skinny arms out of his grip.
“What the heck are you talking about?” Kermit asked, folding his arms in disapproval, “Gonzo, even if whatever you’re going on about is as great as you say it is - which I doubt, by the way - we can’t just leave in the middle of the show!”
Gonzo simply blinked innocently in response. “Why not?” He asked.
“Because we’re both on-stage in ten minutes!!!” Kermit yelled, exasperatedly.
“Pshh, we’ll make it back in time.” Gonzo casually replied, shrugging, “I promise, you’re really gonna want to see this.”
Kermit sighed. He knew he wasn’t going to win whatever this was, and instead elected to get it over with. “You promise.”
“Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in any extremity of your choosing.” Gonzo replied, making an ‘X’ over his heart with his hand.
Kermit put his hand back in Gonzo’s and looked him right in the eye. “Ten minutes.”
“You won’t regret it!” Gonzo said, giddy as a schoolgirl, “By the way, nice red spot. It matches your complexion.”
Kermit felt the spot on his forehead and flushed a bit in embarrassment as he was quickly led out his office door.
———
The two muppets discreetly stepped outside of the backstage door. In between being dragged outside, Kermit had alerted Scooter to the situation. He was, of course, more than happy to take over announcements, which made Kermit feel slightly more at ease. He watched Gonzo, who seemed to be scouring the area.
“Well, where’s the ‘amazing thing’ you wanted me to see?” He asked, incredulously.
Gonzo didn’t return the eye contact, staring intently at the darkened road. “Well it’s not here, we’ve gotta catch a ride, first.”
Before Kermit could protest, the two were both blinded by headlights coming around the corner.
“Bingo! Here I go!” Gonzo gleefully cried.
Before Kermit knew it, Gonzo had loosened his grasp on his hand and was hurling himself in front of the oncoming vehicle. The car came to a screeching halt, and Gonzo gave Kermit a big grin that shone almost as brightly as the car’s headlights, and almost distracted him from the car’s blaring horn.
The frog shot the whatever a glare as he watched him stand up and brush pebbles and street trash off of his suit. Kermit sighed, mulling over how he would explain the situation to the driver. Gonzo followed quickly behind as he made his way to the driver’s window.
“You should really quit doing that, you know.” Kermit whispered, “That stunt was just for the movie.”
“And who do you think pitched it?” Gonzo huffed, sounding as if he’d just been insulted.
Kermit rolled his eyes as he approached the window and began apologizing profusely to the driver, before explaining the situation to the best of his ability. The driver seemed to take pity on him, and hesitantly offered the two a ride.
“Yippee! I call shotgun!” Gonzo exclaimed, before quickly being pulled by the collar to the backseat by and alongside Kermit.
Kermit resigned himself to zoning out and staring out the window as Gonzo gave confusing and contradictory directions to the increasingly unamused driver, and the frog found himself once again lost in his thoughts as the increasingly agitated conversation droned on.
He’d known Gonzo for the entirety of both of their careers - as far as he was aware, anyway. God only knows what he was up to before joining their little family - but he was still such a mystery to him. He’d spent far too much time trying to wrap his head around the way Gonzo acted, but he’d never quite been able to pin him down. It’s part of what he liked so much about him, as much as it made his head hurt. Gonzo was so uniquely himself. Kermit wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to understand him.
A sudden jolt in the car brought the frog back to reality as he shot a hand in front of himself to avoid a head-on collision with the seat in front of him. Of course, Gonzo had somehow managed to get them kicked out. They’d hardly made it a mile, a new record, Kermit mused. He once again apologized to the driver as he pulled Gonzo out of the car, who was still trying fruitlessly to give the driver directions.
“It’s just around a few corners to my left!” Gonzo yelled to the driver as the car drove out of sight, “Or maybe it was his left.”
Kermit sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that night. “How are we gonna get back to the studio now?”
“I told you, we’ll make it back. Come on, it’s not far from here. We can walk.” Gonzo said in a tone that was strangely comforting. It made Kermit almost feel like he trusted Gonzo’s intuition.
———
He quickly remembered who’s intuition he was trusting as soon as Gonzo was urging him to walk through a prickly bush with him.
“Come on!” Gonzo said with an outstretched hand, “It’s right this way!”
“Is this really the only way? Frankly, I’d prefer not having millions of holes poked into me.” Kermit grimaced as he glanced at the little pine needles sticking out of Gonzo’s fur.
Now it was Gonzo’s turn to roll his eyes. “I mean, sure. If you want to go the boring way. There’s a sidewalk just around the corner.” His arm, who’s fingers pointed in the direction he was talking about, was the only thing still visible as he traveled further into the bush. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m taking the shortcut. Meet’cha on the other side!”
Kermit couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of dread as he watched the blue arm disappear into the foliage, and he couldn’t tell if it was aimed towards Gonzo or himself. Nevertheless, he made his way around the corner as directed, bracing himself for some kind of horror as he made the turn.
“It’s a little hard to appreciate the view if you keep your eyes shut the whole time.” He heard Gonzo say, “Also, I need you to open them so you can help me pull all these thorns out.” He continued, followed directly by a yelp and a hearty “Haha, that hurts!”
Slowly, Kermit opened his eyes. Whatever he saw couldn’t be worse than what he typically saw on a weekly basis. When they adjusted to the light, he was amazed with what greeted them.
It was a small area of undergrowth, surrounded by shrubbery and short trees, but with a clear area covered only in grass right where the two stood. As he took it in, he could hear the sounds of crickets in the bushes. There were fireflies surrounding them, giving off a glow against the bark of the trees. Kermit looked over at Gonzo, who’s cheerful expression felt extra bright illuminated by the bug’s light.
“Wow.” Was all Kermit could say as he looked around him in awe. It was a simple little brush, but it was beautiful to him.
“I told you it was amazing.” Gonzo said, patting him on the back.
“You were right, it really is.” Kermit replied, “But, I do have a question.”
“Hm?” Gonzo hummed, turning his head to look the frog in the eyes.
“Why show it to me?” Kermit asked.
“Well, I was honestly gonna show it to Camilla ‘cause I thought it’d be a great date spot, but I came into the theater, and you looked like you needed it more.” Gonzo admitted, “Plus, there’s plenty of snacks that I think only you’d enjoy. They’re not half bad, either!” He continued, pointing at the fireflies around them and popping one into his mouth with a crunch.
It’d be disgusting to anyone else, but Kermit couldn’t help but just sit and smile at the weirdo that accompanied him. He was right, this was just the kind of break he’d needed, and this was the perfect place for him to have it.
“Thanks, Gonzo.” He said, “That was really thoughtful of you.”
“Don’t mention it.” Gonzo replied, waving his hand at him.
The two sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments. It was the first Kermit had gotten all night.
“I know I promised we’d get back in time, but you think it’s too late? How do you think things are going back at the theater since we left?” Gonzo suddenly asked while absentmindedly picking at the grass.
Kermit paused, thought about it, and sank. “Maybe we should just wait out the rest of the show here…” he whimpered.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Gonzo replied, “While we’re at it, I wasn’t kidding about the thorn thing.”
Kermit sighed, this time out of endearment. “Come here.”