Work Text:
Outside a house
Pulling alongside the curb, Nick Torres glances over seeing a familiar car with looking back at his phone sends a quick text message to a group chat of Delilah McGee, Parker, Jimmy, Jessica plus Kasie.
Even a separate message to Vance given well on the group chat they usually don’t include the director for plausible deniability. Of course, includes Timothy McGee, but Nick sighs given that is the entire reason for even being here.
Upon exiting the car Nick heads for the house sighing because knows that somewhere inside is Timothy McGee in a rather familiar house. Gibbs's old house.
A basement
Walking down the steps to the vaguely lit basement Nick sees Timothy sitting down on the floor by the old workbench, and notices a half-full bottle of alcohol, an empty small glass jar, and a book in Special Agent’s McGee’s hand.
Getting close Nick frowns given McGee’s face has the beginnings of a light beard, rather than the goatee following Paraguay. Also, McGee’s wearing an old, faded NCIS T-shirt with pants while just seemingly staring at a blank wall vaguely.
Torres gets more concerned for McGee could possibly be dead, and this entire thing is somebody’s sick twisted joke, only the older agent looks up acknowledging his presence before seemingly casting his gaze forward again. Understanding what it means for an invination Nick sits down beside McGee though quickly does grab the bottle, which he realizes is bourbon before setting it up on the bench. Neither man speaks for a while until Torres gets uneasy by the silence.
“That bourbon belonged to Gibbs?” Nick asks knowingly.
“Yeah, Gibbs gave it to me after a case years ago after I took the lead investigating stolen jetpacks, long story. I’ve only drank one or two shots out of it over the years. Like DiNozzo mentioned when he got one, something to do with having been lead in placement of the boss. Tony and I were the only two to ever actually get bottles” Timothy says.
“How much have you had to drink? You’ve had everybody worried and we only found from recently turning your phone back on” Nick says a mix of concern, and chastising.
“I texted Delilah, even used a few of our code words to let her know everything was fine and I’d just be off the grid,” Timothy says.
“Which your wife said normally lasted only a day at most, you’ve been gone for two full ones,” Nick says.
“Oh” Timothy replies full of guilt “Sorry, let me take a shower and I’ll be ready to head back.”
Holding up his hands “Whoa, I didn’t come out here for a case, you know had us concerned. And Vance has all of us on break this week” Nick says.
“Still sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you guys like that. I guess… I just lost track of time” Timothy says embarrassingly.
“It’s not like you to disappear and go get drunk. Even when we celebrated you joining NCIS was with us” Nick says.
“First, I’m not drunk, I have only the entire time I’ve been here had two shots. Kept myself fed on cowboy steaks, and have just been writing. Stuff nobody will ever see like journal entries I burned in the fireplace. Tried a bit of woodworking over there too” Timothy says calmly.
“You know that more sounds,” Nick says trailing off.
“Like Gibbs? I know. Ducky’s death a few months ago on September 25th of last year I never really focused much on it. Until now, I guess. Just… besides Jimmy, I’m the last one. The last of the first Gibbs crew that expanded beyond two team members, well sticking around unlike say Vivian Blackadder. Ziva came in so quickly after Kate… it’s an era long gone. I’m old, and exhausted” Timothy says grimly.
“Yeah, you just kind of been holding Duck’s death in for so long bound to come out at some point,” Nick says.
“A week or so upcoming, it would be the over eighteen-year anniversary of her death too,” Timothy says, “The first person I truly lost on this job.”
“Agent Todd?” Nick asks knowingly.
“No… Erin Kendall. My first ever real solo case on Gibbs' team, she was this nice girl from MIT. Witnessed a murder so I was on protective detail only from across the apartment and saw Erin get strangled to death. Only got there too late” Timothy says quietly.
“Goodness” is Nick’s only response.
“Then there was Kate murdered by Ari? Do you even know how many people I’ve lost? How long I’ve been doing this job? Regardless of starting off as a case agent fresh from FLETC, I was more of recruited on Gibbs' team that first year. I still remember when boss officially made that permanent, and even though threatened that I belonged to him I was so happy as I finally belonged somewhere for the first time in my life” Timothy says wistfully.
“What… about your parents? I mean my dad left, but I knew he loved me despite all our issues” Nick says.
“Then you’re lucky” Timothy replies bitterly “I spent most of my life even wondering if I had his love. My sister was loved, no doubt about it, and was sheltered. My grandmother did most of the raising after my parents separated. John McGee became Admiral rather young with declining to join the navy as unacceptable. Even worse hated when I joined NCIS as nothing but a civilian job. My inner ear problem being more proof of how much of a disappointment I was.”
“What a… prick,” Nick says deciding maybe not using something stronger as after all it is his friend’s father.
Dry chuckle “I’ve called him and them worse,” Timothy says.
“You have a sister and grandmother? First, I’m even hearing you talk about your family” Nick says.
“Dad has been dead for quite a few years now. It’s been years since I’ve talked to either. My grandmother would consider Gibbs rule three for never being unreachable an ultimate insult to her very existence and my sister is well just gone. Besides given all DiNozzo’s drama with his father, or Ziva’s family problems I just… no real need. Kind of like Gibbs who we didn’t even know had a father for years” Timothy says.
“Gibbs and you are a lot alike” Nick replies.
“Yeah, we prefer our privacy, we dislike small talk, both enjoy our love for strong, hard black coffee though nobody drinks coffee like Gibbs. And I was the one who outlasted everybody else. Particularly following Paraguay, we became closer than ever. Being so similar is probably why we didn’t know how to approach one other early on” Timothy says.
“I’ve heard the stories,” Nick says.
A small grin “Oh the stories are nothing. Try living it. Was worse than what you could imagine or better than some claim. For Gibbs a part of it was DiNozzo was always so loud, and Abby too. Kate was… Kate” Timothy says.
Nick merely nods interested in the tale that his friend is explaining.
“When we first met well, I was a rookie case agent who was as green as what I lost for my food that day at the crime scene. Not exactly my best moment” Timothy says.
“All been there before Tim, and it’s not something to feel inferior about,” Nick says.
“Well tell that to Tony. Probably why on needed to be toughened up, and maybe to an extent I did but Tony had his times of taking it too far. Leaving me solo at a crime scene just so he could go score some date, screwing me over for a mission while having volunteered privately, and the Dog Tags mess. Put a CD in my computer mere hours after I nearly got mauled to death by a dog having been infected with cocaine. Only Abby was worse on the whole mess for constantly blaming me for shooting Jethro, forced me to give money for some weird recovery fund, and even having me take the dog home. Of course, I got blamed for a stalker incident when Abby ignored me and let him into my apartment. Gibbs forced me to kneel at my desk for her actions” Timothy says grimly.
Blinking “What the absolute hell Tim? Okay when you said different, I just what? How did that not get reported to HR? Or transferring elsewhere? How on earth did you even stay? All of this sounds like a juvenile high school” Nick says in anger and revulsion for his friend.
“First when does HR ever actually do their jobs, anywhere?” Timothy asks pointedly.
“Good point,” Nick says.
“Yeah, it was bad at times, only where else was I to go? Where were any of us going? Tony and his father are better now but for years didn’t talk. Ziva’s family issues well Somalia then her father’s murder sums everything up. Abby was the only one that had any semblance of a normal childhood. I had my issues. I was finally somewhere where people wanted me. Tony was always caught between being a frat boy, his ego, and desiring to be a friend. Ziva was always caught in two worlds, one of Mossad, and us. We all thought after Somalia that finally Ziva could move on but Eli’s death, then Ziva’s return… I didn’t recognize my friend. More bloodthirsty compared to what I can ever remember. I wonder if the Mossad part won in the end” Timothy says grimly before a light shaking of his head “Abby is Abby.”
Once more Nick remains quiet knowing Tim probably doesn’t want another voice. Has never really heard the senior field agent, secondary team lead, and really secondary NCIS director like when Parker and Vance were gone off to a conference or something. Briefly speculates if Tim even knows that it’s really him, and not imagining somebody else Nick notes frowning.
“If you are wondering, am I imagining somebody else in your place, I’m not. I know” Timothy says.
“How did you… ah right, Gibbs thing” Nick says in realization.
“Yeah, doing this long enough, I’ve started learning more how, and why Gibbs is the boss. Similar to Mike Franks, Pride with the other Fed Five, or Jenny Shepard all left. Not including Shannon, and Kelly. Similar walls I’ve built up” Timothy replies.
“Gibbs and you let people in though,” Nick says.
“Back with Tony, Ziva, the boss, Ducky, Jimmy and even Abby, a part of us naively figured it would go on forever. Us against even agency directors, we figured one day Gibbs after retiring for good Tony would become the MCRT leader. I’d lead as SFA, and just be us. There was a sense…” Timothy says wistfully “Only part remains is where I am now, and Dr. Palmer as the main medical examiner.”
“How does your current team fit in?” Nick can’t help but ask.
Nick flinches when Timothy looks over because the answer contains such weight. Suddenly Torres realizes just what Tim understands by feeling old, and despite how weird, drifts to mayflies after leaving the cocoon they live for only a short time span. A conversation that his sister droned on about once years back.
Only for Tim McGee, Nick wonders if that’s what this current team is to him now. What even Director Vance might be, a blink in existence to a person who has seen so much. There’s a reason why Gibbs's team members and the man in individual are such legends. Even before the current roster, even though Nick wonders if the current crew will ever truly measure up.
However, a price to be paid in their varied skills. Resolving all manner of cases caused from murders, rape cases, terrorists, serial killers, cybercrime, thieves, kidnappings, survived torture in Paraguay alongside Somali and everything else. Had people die including some quite senselessly such as Emily Fornell overdosing.
Frankly, Nick wonders if the real reason Tim didn’t take over the MCRT lead is not the weak reasons Tim gave about too much work, or not getting out on the field much. After all McGee has a lengthy twenty years of experience on one of the best NCIS teams bar none, nobody could really object for a strong enough case.
Rather because Tim just can’t cross that line for being MCRT lead after everything on the ideal dream his friend talked about earlier never will happen. The very people whom he let down his walls for are no longer there. Also, Nick knows Tim has a dislike of small talk, despite his attempts at being better with the school parents, but now wondering if once more something Tim used to do with his family.
Only brought out of his musings by the veteran operative.
“It’s not that you’re not my friends, you are. The only ones I’ve got, and a part of me glad I don’t have Tony or Abby’s immature antics every day, or unwanted intrusions into my personal life. My actual blood family gave hugs to each other but not me” Timothy says letting that unsettling statement sink in.
Nick glances off angrily on his friend’s behalf, and really has to resist grabbing the bottle of bourbon to smash against something right now. Not for a drink as Dr. Rachel would kill him, no doubt.
“So, as I said I had nowhere else to go, none of us did. Of course, Tony when trying to be a big brother was there like when I killed a cop. Just as I was there for him when various stuff happened, his stories. Not mine” Timothy says.
“When you killed a… never mind, I bet there’s a long story there,” Nick says.
“Yeah… not one I feel like reliving. Actually, one of the only times Gibbs ever threatened to take my badge, ironically not because of who I shot. Even though it’s not like I’m a complete saint during those years either” Timothy says.
“Like the books or what got nicknamed the dead air incident,” Nick says recalling overheard office gossip from other people.
“The books well actually the information was legally cleared through certain channels, never used case details, yet came back to haunt me of people died. The Dead Air mess, goodness Ziva and I ended up getting well let’s just say a few people in the building were crazy fans of DiNozzo. A bad joke, yeah but we never shut the radio off. Just said that to give Tony grief, we didn’t risk any of our lives” Timothy replies.
“Relax I’ve worked with you long enough to know the turning off the radio is not you,” Nick says.
The men remain in silence for a few more minutes until the veteran agent speaks up once more.
“Like I said you guys are my friends. It’s just the team we had was the first people I truly came out of my shell, and actually acted like a normal person belonging somewhere. I even had the freedom to not be the oldest and given how Tony acted security of knowing I could screw up yet still be wanted. Only after everything I’ve rebuilt my walls. Not out of wanting to hurt people, but just for my sake. Besides it’s different now I’m not just an SFA, even though I was an unofficial one for years, under who I thought I would be” Timothy says rambling yet gets gently cut off.
Looking over “Tim, its okay man, seriously. You were family with these people for thirteen years of your life, you’ve known us a lot less. Of course, it’s going to be different. Certain people don’t even get a month with people they care for” Nick says reassuringly.
“Thanks, Nick,” Timothy says.
“You talk to Gibbs about any of this?” Nick asks.
“Since I’ve been here? Yeah,” Timothy says.
“How did you even get access to Gibbs's old house? You own this place, or what?” Nick asks.
“I do. The boss left me some money, I use it to keep this running when needing to get away. I’ve considered moving here permanently, but not exactly accessible for Delilah” Timothy replies.
For a few more minutes both men sit in silence with Nick looking over at Tim yet has a quiet realization that perhaps despite everything on all his computer skills, or geeky nature, suddenly McGee looks like more from a past age. An age of the team prior, Nick realizes that only knows in passing, besides Gibbs, but how his friend seems fits down here. Suddenly a different thought occurs to Nick that he’s not sure how to voice, but does regardless.
“Did you ever consider staying behind in Alaska?” Nick inquiries.
“Really sure you want to know, Nick?” Tim asks seriously.
“Yes,” Nick says uneasily after a moment.
“Frankly I thought about it when in Alaska, and ever since I’ve been back, I left a part of myself out there with the boss. Honestly…” Tim replies in grim weariness “If I didn’t have Delilah, or the kids, I know not even this job could hold me here. There’s nothing left.”
Seemingly the conversation ended Timothy slowly stands stretching for a moment with turning glancing down at the bourbon bottle, nearly taking one final zip before not wanting to in front of Torres for his alcoholic issues. Placing the cork back in, Timothy starts walking up the stairs until getting to the top and glancing downwards, pauses.
“Hey, you coming or what?” Tim asks.
“I’ll be up in a minute” Nick replies.
“Good, be up in the shower. I’ll leave the coffee on if you want it” Tim answers.
Quietly Nick watches Timothy McGee exit inside the house, and an unsettling feeling washes over is just for a moment it felt like Gibbs. Felt like the man’s speech, and characteristics were somebody else entirely, yet still felt closer to perhaps who McGee really is. Actually, wonders just how much of McGee’s geeky nature, despite existing, is played up to be disarming. Even to his teammates.
Because Nick knows DiNozzo despite everything is Tim’s older brother. Gibbs has masks of his own as the stoic marine. Nick knows deep down that Tim will probably never really open up like this again.
Once Tim cleans up, in his usual clothes and ready to go, well this entire conversation will never have happened.
Not that Nick would ever betray to anyone, but there is a wall Tim has from everybody else. Mostly because the only people who could get past, besides Jimmy, are all gone. How Tim carries himself as the Senior Field Operative. Nick has a funny feeling that Agent McGee is the only person left at NCIS headquarters who knows all of Gibbs’s rules.
Letting drift back to Gibbs, Nick knows is for McGee well the once team lead was a mentor, a father figure, a friend, a confidante. Sure, Tim has proved beyond any doubt of can keep going past everybody, only Nick wonders if it's a case of not aspiring to. Probably a part of Tim who considers maybe Parker should lead MCRT without even McGee. Truly having a fresh start.
Pushing those thoughts aside Nick stands up letting out a groan feeling his legs readjust from sitting on a cold, hard basement before starting to head for the stairs.
Suddenly a phrase from a book that he was forced to read to pass the class years ago in 11th grade English, returns to mind. A novel written by Thomas Wolfe in the 1940s.
The phrase reads: “You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting, but which are changing all the time, back home to the escapes of Time and Memory.”
Reaching the top Nick flips the light switch off leaving the basement in darkness.