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“I’m home.”
Sam really didn’t say those words to anyone, but even if he was the only audience, they still felt good to say. He had carried the giant box of Cheez-Its into his apartment, put those in his cabinet, and now he was just basking in the familiarity of his home. Well, that and the slight smell of a Hello Fresh box starting to go bad. But still, it was good to be back in the familiar.
It also felt surreal coming back from a trip like this. How much his life was different now just because of a couple airplane rides. 24 hours ago, he was halfway across the world, doing the Heimlich Maneuver on Ben after he tried to eat a burrito in one bite. And now here he was, alone; the friends he’d spent the majority of a week with were now 1683 miles away. And in a fit of melancholic remembrance, he realized he missed them. Sure, he talked to them on Discord every day, but there was something special about just being together in person.
He walked over to the whiteboard in his office, reading through the to-do list to get back into the mindset of being at home. He remembered that Tristen sent him a script for a video about why people from Ohio are more likely to become astronauts than anywhere else. He needed to review a few pitches from creators about Nebula originals. And then he needed to talk to Amy to figure out why she expensed 7 gallons of creamed corn, 4 toasters, 6 drywall sheets, and half a lifetime subscription to Nebula. Then lastly, he had to find the time to argue with Brian about the definition of a sandwich. That one made his stomach hurt. Or maybe it was just the fact that his bowels hadn’t recovered from all those days of trains.
His job was weird.
But that’s what made it fun. He could never have pictured this would be his job growing up, but given his love for going down Wikipedia rabbit holes at 1:02 AM, maybe he shouldn’t have been surprised. His parents were engineers; they thought he would be a natural fit to follow in their footsteps when they saw his love of learning. But no, his path had turned out very different. That was okay though. He wouldn’t trade his career for anything. Though sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he’d chosen the more traditional path, if things didn’t quite work out with the whole YouTube thing. If he was being honest, he could barely believe it had. Sometimes when he stopped to think, he wondered if this was all just a dream, the immaculate imagination of his unconscious mind. But there was no way he could have imagined that smuggling a baker’s half dozen adult toys through TSA to El Paso would lead to him being featured in Vanity in an article that got more interaction than one about Taylor Swift.
As he was pondering his life, he got a text from Ben.
They finished the alien abduction fic. Amy rescued you, but you asked the aliens to take you back after learning that we agreed to let John Green be on the show for helping with the rescue.
His job was really weird.
Though as he stood there pondering his life and all the decisions that he’d made, his body realized where he was, and all the adrenaline that had given him energy the past week seemed to leave his body at once. And that left him completely exhausted. With what energy he had left, he made his way to his bedroom.
His king-sized racecar bed was there waiting for his return, the headlights on the footboard almost appeared to be smiling with him to welcome him back, or maybe that was the sleep deprivation talking. Yep, this was going to be a glorious night of sleep. He just hoped he didn’t have any nightmares.
Scotty had a long day in front of him. And like anyone who had a long day in front of him, there was only one place to be at 7AM. And that was his local McDonalds. Scotty knew some people who enjoyed drinking sake at 7AM, but that was beside the point. There was something magical about their breakfast burritos that gave him strength to face the day. Though as he entered through the doors of the golden arches, he was surprised at how crowded it was. It seemed like a dozen people were in line, though looking over them, he spotted something unusual. The guy at the front of the line was wearing train pajamas. Which honestly, for a McDonald’s at 7 AM wasn’t that unusual, but then he noticed that it was someone he knew. And said person seemed to be having an interesting conversation with the cashier.
Scott walked sideways past the other customers to listen in and confirmed his suspicion that it was Sam. “I don’t need the dragon; I need the Burghers of Calais.”
“Sir, we don’t serve lunch until 10:30.”
“But the guy’s about to touch that guy’s butt.,” Sam said, pointing to the life-size Ronald McDonald cardboard cutout. Scotty didn’t know whether Sam thought that Ronald McDonalds was going to touch someone else’s butt or if someone was going to touch his. But he also didn’t want the answer to that question.
“Sam.”
Sam turned around and seemed to almost lose his balance and blinked a few times, though Scotty couldn’t tell if Sam was completely awake yet or not. “Scotty,” Sam said. “Did Adam get the flag?”
“No Sam, we’re in McDonalds, not Japan.”
“Good,” Sam said, nodding a few too many times. “That means we just need two more.”
“No, Sam, we’re not playing the game; you’re back home.” Sam blinked a few times and stumbled over a bit, though caught himself on a chair.
“Wait I’m…” he paused, looking around. “Was I sleepwalking?”
“It looks like it,” Scotty said. “We should get you back home.”
Sam wasn’t sure that he’d completely woken up yet. Sure, he had processed what had happened: he was in McDonald’s, he had sleepwalked here, he was tired, Scotty found him, though he wasn’t sure if him running from a fire-breathing Muriel Bowser was something that actually happened or was just a nightmare. Though as Scotty led him outside and walked with him the several blocks back to his home, he felt very content. He was still tired, probably needed more sleep. But all the exhaustion from before was gone. And he knew there was a lot he had to do today, but that would be something to worry about later. Right now, he just enjoyed the cool morning air on his skin, the gentle breeze flowing through his lungs. And that was enough.
“You know, the world’s a beautiful place.”
“Indeed it is Sam.”
“Wanna go around it together?”
Scotty let out an avuncular laugh at that. “Sure, Sam, let’s do it.”
“Yeah!” Sam said.
His job was awesome.