Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I love you, Leo,” Mikey ground out through clenched teeth. “I love you so much. You are my brother, and I will not hurt you.”

“Well duh . I’m too handsome to hurt anyway,” Leo replied with a malicious grin, almost too casually for someone who’s already caused so much pain. “Just a little higher…”

“Ow–!” Mikey yelped as the pressure increased on his shoulder, hissing when Leo shushed him.

“Oh, be quiet, I’m not even putting that much pressure on it, Miguel. You always were such a baby.”

“I’m not—a baby- ah!”

“Leo, that’s enough! You have what you want,” Donnie snapped, “Let him go!”

“Ugh, fine,” Leo groaned, jumping down and grinning at Mikey’s sigh of relief. “And to the victor, the spoils!” he cried triumphantly, holding the cookie jar high above his head before pulling off the lid and plunging his hand in.

“Hey!” Mikey protested, grabbing Leo’s hand out, “I carried you, I should get the first cookie.”

“Yes, but who grabbed it?” Leo stuck his tongue out.

“I believe I should get the first cookie,” Donnie said, rolling his eyes, “Seeing as how I found the hiding spot, and all.”

“That doesn’t count for anything!”

“Older twin privileges say that you don’t get the first cookie!”

“Who says you’re the older twin?”

Donnie lunged off his chair and bowled both Leo and Mikey to the floor, starting a tussle that immediately escalated.

Leo grabbed Mikey’s shell and yanked him away, Donnie wrenched Leo’s hand to the side and pried the jar from it, only for Mikey to jump on his back and grab the lip of the jar, worming his hand into it and almost getting a cookie before—

“What on earth are you three doing?”

All three boys jumped, the cookie jar forgotten as they looked up and saw the hooves of Baron Draxum. He had a twisting frown, braced stance, folded arms… just in general giving off a very good Disgruntled Raph impression.

Leo blinked. “Heyyyyy Draaaaax!” he drawled, a grin spreading over his face. “Heh, fancy seeing you here.”

“I live here.”

The invasion had destroyed April’s apartment, and thereby Draxum’s too. And, even though all the former residents technically had compensatory living quarters until further notice, as the lower half of Manhattan was still being rebuilt, Draxum deemed it best if he moved into the train car across from Splinter’s while the turtles were healing. He claimed he was less likely to be caught by human or Hidden City police if he wasn’t living amongst humans, but Mikey believed it was because he wanted to be closer to their family, so he could better protect them, since he’d been trapped in the school during the invasion. Leo begrudgingly gave them both points for that, seeing as how the guy stitched him back together after the whole ordeal.

But, he did still have an image to maintain, so. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.” Then he took the opportunity and snatched a cookie out of the jar and licked it, smirking at the squawks of protest from his brothers. “I win.”

Draxum sighed and stepped over the pile of limbs and shells to head for the coffee machine. His mug was filled and he leaned against the counter, shaking his head. “Why I chose to stay here is beyond me. Fighting over sugar first thing in the morning.”

Leo bit into his cookie and said through the mouthful of chocolate, “Don’t blame us, blame Raph. He’s the one abusing the Biggest and Oldest Sibling card and hiding stuff from his poor, sugar-deprived siblings.”

“Realistically, we are far from sugar-deprived, but I’ll concede your point,” Donnie muttered, taking his own cookie while Mikey hissed and finally took one for himself.

“Oldest?” Draxum asked, confused. “Raphael is not the oldest.”

“Psh, of course he is!” Mikey scoffed. “Have you met the guy?”

“He’s not. Raphael’s tendencies define character and childhood conditions, not age. I was there when you all hatched, and Raphael was not the first.” He directed a finger at Leo, and said, “He was.”

Wait. Sorry.

What?!

He gave a hysterical snort. “Yeah, nice joke, Drax. Nearly got us there—”

“I’m not lying, Leonardo. You hatched first, then Raphael a year later, then Donatello a few months after, and finally Mikey a year after him.”

A forced wobbling smile. A crooked voice, that did not feel like his own. “Wowza. First the leader bomb and now this? At least Mikey is always the baby. I mean, that would be an even bigger roller coaster.”

“Were you not aware?” Draxum asked. “Did Lou not tell you? Or did he not know?”

“Did who not know what?”

Uh oh.

Every muscle in Leo’s body locked up, his chest incapable of movement as he heard Raph’s voice.

No.

No.

No.

Leo felt himself clear his throat before Draxum could drop the bomb on him too, and Leo would have to face him, and said, “I have better things to be doing than listening to this again. Let me know if old Draxxy actually has something useful to say.” Then he turned on his heel and left, anxiety hitting its peak when no one stopped him. Were they too shocked to say anything? Or did they think of him differently, now?

Oh, no. Did they?

He wasn’t sure he could handle it if they did, because, like- like, he’d worked so hard his whole life to maintain an image of himself that his brothers could stand, that was appropriate for his place in the family as a middle child.

But he wasn’t. Not anymore—not that he ever was in the first place, or- ugh. That was too much to wrap his head around.

He was the oldest?

Hah! Don’t be ridiculous. It was bad enough that Splinter made him leader without any notice at all, but it was okay, because he and Raph had worked it out, they were comfortably co-leading until Leo was ready to take it on by himself, but-

Being the oldest? That was, like, a whole other ball park! What was Leo even supposed to do with that? Was he- oh no. What was he supposed to do? Was he supposed to take care of everyone? That- that’s impossible! Holding his brothers’ lives in Leo’s hands was probably the worst possible idea anyone had ever had. They- they were too important! Out on the streets was one thing, but keeping them in line at home was completely different! Leo had literally never done that before, so what did that even entail? Did he have to watch out to make sure Mikey didn’t do something too reckless? Did he have to watch out for Donnie’s shell—

Oh.

Oh no.

That’s not–

No.

No.

If Leo was the oldest, a-and Raph was the next oldest, and Donnie was younger than him…

Leo wasn’t a twin anymore.

The thought took him out at the knees, collapsing against a soft cushion and gasping for breath, because- like, no! That wasn’t– they were twins . They were twins! Donnie was his breath, his soul, his life, his other half, his everything that wasn’t the rest of his family! He couldn’t exist without Donnie, that was like telling him to breathe with one lung while you rip the other out. It wasn’t possible.

And yet it was.

Donnie wasn’t his twin anymore. He never was.

Did that-

Did that make his whole life invalid then? Was everything he’d experienced just fake now? He and Donnie didn’t have twin-tuition like Leo had always insisted, so what was that? Were they just that predictable? Was Leo that boring?

Leo sank to the ground, gasping for air that wasn’t there, some disconnect between his throat and his lungs, no inflation, no oxygen, no breath, no life, and decided that the ground wasn’t good enough, squirming underneath his bed.

Tears burned hot in his eyes, streaking down relentlessly as his body lurched with smothered sobs. Trembling hands over mouth. Eyelashes damp. Cheeks streaked with hot salt. Dirty clothes cushioned his shell, keeping him too far from the wall, so he shuffled them around to hide him from the edge of his bed, kicking them from the wall to separate him from the world. A perfect little cave.

Still, the sense of suffocating fear didn’t abate, his heart galloping straight out of his chest. He was going to die, this was going to kill him. He couldn’t be the oldest, he couldn’t.

What would the others think? They’d had their way of living for, like, ever , and now Draxum had ruined that, and Leo didn’t think he’d ever be able to face his brothers the same way again. If he was the oldest, that displaced him. And Raph, but where did that put Leo? They didn’t need another oldest brother, Raph was perfect, and Leo would never be able to fill his shoes. Would Leo be forced away? Would they really do that to him?

The invasion came to mind for a moment. The way they clung to him for weeks afterward, assuring him that they loved him, that they wanted him with them, needed him with them. Did that change, now that he wasn’t who they thought he was?

Another voice called his name, and Leo sucked in a startled breath, smothering all sounds in his throat.

His safe space was invaded. He wasn’t alone, someone was here, they could see him, hear him–!

He vanished into his shell and trembled, listening to the intruder through the roaring static in his ears, and tried to pinpoint them.

“Leo?”

Leo chirped, frightened, and leaned as far away from the exit to the bed as he could, crunched against the wall.

“Are you under the bed?”

He was cornered. They’d found him. They’d grab him, take him away, away from his safe space, back to his brothers—!

“Woah, hey, it’s just me,” they said, soothing when he hissed loudly and violently. “It’s Casey, alright? I won’t hurt you.”

But would he? Would he?

“It’s okay, Leo. I’m here to help. You– oh, gross. When was the last time you washed these clothes?”

Light washed across Leo’s safe little hiding place and he blanched in his shell, definitely hyperventilating and lightheaded with it.

Someone tugged on his shell and he yelped, popping one leg out to kick at the attacker. Casey. It was Casey.

Did Casey think of him differently?! Technically the human was a brother too, now. Was Leo being the oldest a new factor that changed how Casey thought of him? Did he still think Leo was a failure, and now even more of a failure because he didn’t step up?!

He panicked when his ankle was caught and tugged, pulled his leg too far away from his body, disarming him–

Light burst into his cavern and Leo cried out again, popping entirely out of his shell to defend himself and chomping down on the nearest thing to his face. It was Casey’s thumb, and instead of startling and crying out in pain, the boy just swiftly curled his fingers into the hollow behind his jaw, a pressure point sure to get the tightest bite lock broken.

Once the grip was broken, Casey’s hand landed on his neck and forced him to the floor stomach-down almost too fast to keep track of, feeling the kid kneel over his forearms, effectively pinning him to the floor, out of reach of any claws and teeth.

Casey made a gentle shushing noise in his ear as Leo squealed and thrashed, trying to buck his unbudging attacker off.

“It’s okay, Leo,” the human said, frustratingly calm in the face of his utter panic. “It’s just me. There’s no one else here, you’re safe.”

Safe?

Safe?

Hah! There was no such thing as safety. Draxum was living in his home, ruining everything he touched. Leo had nearly doomed his family from a little fumble with catastrophic consequences, and he was haunted by a looming red eye when he managed to sleep. Nowhere was safe.

A strangled, clicking whimper burst from his throat, and he winced when Casey immediately shifted off of him like he understood what the sound meant, and cautiously knelt in front of him.

“Leo?” He asked softly. “Leo, can you hear me?”

Leo responded with little more than retreating back into his shell, sucking what little air into his lungs that he could, and shivering when Casey sighed and gently grabbed the little Leo ball and pulled him onto crossed legs, warming him up.

There was silence for a moment, aside from Leo’s rapid breathing, before Casey said quietly, “Sorry I grabbed you from under the bed. I shouldn’t have done that. Should I put you back?”

Yes.

No?

It was warm here, but too bright…

“Okay.” Fingers ghosted over his shell, and he shivered. “Can we do some breathing exercises? You’re still breathing a bit fast.”

Was he? Was there any other option? There wasn’t enough air in his cavern, or even outside of it, but this was the safest place, so he opted to stay.

“Just follow me, if you can.” Casey inhaled slowly, and dragged his hand up the upper half of Leo’s shell. Then when he exhaled, he moved his hand down to the center of Leo’s shell, creating a steady cycle of audible and physical feedback.

Up.

And down.

Up.

And down.

Up.

And down.

Until Leo was following along, gasping more and more air into his lungs until he was shakily following along.

In.

And out.

In.

And out.

There was a point when Casey paused at the crest of the inhale, holding for a second before scratching a little at the place on his shell where he could never reach, wrenching an embarrassingly pathetic, drawn out mewl straight from Leo’s chest, before continuing back down.

They must’ve sat there for about three minutes before Casey was satisfied with his cyclic breathing and settled for rubbing that one spot, trying to help him relax.

Then, after another beat, Casey asked, “You wanna tell me what happened?”

He tensed again, heart squeezing painfully in his chest. He managed, “I-I’m the oldest. Drax- Draxum told us I hatched first.”

“…Oh,” Casey said after a moment. “I thought you’d just, like, had a bad dream or something.”

Leo gave a croaking laugh. “I wish. That would be better than this.” The joke slipped out before he could filter it. “B-but it’s fine. It’s fine, I can handle it, I just need- an adjustment period, or something. It’ll be fine.”

“You feel displaced.”

Wow. Way to hit the nail on the head, straight into Leo’s heart. So he said nothing, inhaling shakily and hunkering down.

“You wanna come out? It’s probably pretty stuffy in there, and I’ve got a hug with your name on it.”

Leo hesitated. It was stuffy in his shell, which was why he never really hid there anymore, and Casey’s hugs were pretty good…

He held his breath and pushed free with a little pop! , startled by the immediate wrap of warmth and love, Casey’s arms readily closing around him in a tight hug. He let it happen, though, very carefully thinking about nothing at all.

“You’ll have to talk with them about it,” Casey murmured in his ear after a minute, squeezing gently when the immediate rush of panic had him freezing in place. “Not right now,” the human cajoled when he felt the reaction, “but you do have to, when you come to terms with it, and discuss with them what will change.”

“I don’t want it to change,” Leo wheezed, curling his arms around his stomach when it curdled at the thought. “I just– I can’t. I can’t do that, I’m not ready to face them. Don’t make me–Casey, please, I–I…”

“I won’t. You’re okay, Leo. Give yourself a minute, if you need, but it will have to happen at some point. You can’t just leave them like this.”

And to Leo’s credit, he didn’t. Casey left to go back to April’s parents’ house, where they’d both been staying since the invasion. American public schools apparently had no decency and were making them use a school in Queens that wasn’t so damaged so they could take their semester finals, and they would likely be out of contact for the next three weeks. No one had noticed the soldier from another time as he slipped into the classes and pretended to know exactly where they were in the unit, so he was taking the finals with April and her remaining classmates.

After Casey left, Leo spent the rest of the day hiding in his room, working himself in and out of panicked spirals until he fell asleep in the middle of one of his silent crying fits.

When he woke up, it was way past lunchtime, and his face felt puffy and sore from all the tears, which was nothing his mask couldn’t cover up, and a killer headache was pounding at his skull. Emotions scraped raw and mouth tasting tacky and gross, Leo peeled himself off the bed and stretched out his cramped muscles before putting on a pair of sweatpants and schooling his face into its usual mask, then stepped out of his room.

If it weren’t for the wave of absolute panic that had him sinking to the floor within the first step out of his room, he might’ve joked to no one about how they should be giving out medals of bravery for how much courage it took to step into the open.

No one was there to see him collapse, luckily enough, but he only gave himself two minutes to recompose himself, just in case. Then he stood back up and hid shaking hands in the sweatpants pockets. Perfect.

The next step was wobbly, but the third was perfect and steady, and so were the rest. By the time he made it to the kitchen, he had the act so down that he barely flinched when he found that everyone sans Draxum was at the table already having lunch.

Without him.

Awesome.

He swallowed heavily when all eyes snapped to him, and winced when Donnie saw him and immediately dropped his fork of pasta back into the bowl, vanishing through the opposite doorway at top speed. But still, he laughed a little and said,

“Wow, who lit his tail on fire?”

The joke fell painfully flat, and Leo cleared his throat.

“Eugh. Tough crowd,” he muttered, and reached to get himself a bowl… before pausing halfway up and staring at the noticeable tremble in his hand.

Oh well. He wasn’t that hungry anyway.

So he pivoted at the last second and grabbed a protein bar from out of one of the overhead cabinets, stuffing it into his pocket, then reached into the medicine cabinet as an afterthought, grabbing a tylenol pill and letting it join the bar before he readied his retreat. His father and brothers’ eyes were still on him with unreadable expressions, and the awkwardness was thick in the back of his throat as he gave in and filled the silence.

“Well, you guys enjoy your lunch; I’m gonna go back to my room.”

“You’re not gonna stay?” Mikey asked, sitting up as Leo passed. “I… I made some pasta.”

He sketched out a grin at his little brother that physically hurt. “Nah, I’m not really hungry. I’m sure it’s delicious, though.”

“But you haven’t eaten since yesterday,” Raph noted, cringing as soon as he said it and hunching his shoulders. Like he wanted to be smaller.

What?

“I… um, I had a sandwich last night. Portalling perks, and whatnot. You know,” Leo shrugged. “I just came out to stretch a little.”

“And the tylenol?” Splinter said. “Are you alright, Blue?”

“Psh, I’m totally fine, daddy-o,” Leo scoffed, the suffocating panic steadily building. “Just an eensy-weensy little headache.” Just let me leave already. He turned on his heel to leave, waving his hand lazily. “Anyway, enjoy your lunch; I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

“W-wait, Leo…?”

Leo tensed, but turned around anyway, kind of hoping Raph would start the conversation so Leo wouldn’t have to. Raph’s expression was weird, like he was worried, but unsure what to do with it, and it really gave Leo nothing to glean from. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“I…” Raph’s face closed off, and he looked back at his bowl. “Nothing. Just… have fun.”

“…O-okay. I, uh, I will. Um. Thanks.”

And with that, Leo disappeared to his room.

The next week wasn’t much better, really. Every single time Leo tried to come out of his room and talk to others, Donnie vanished out of sight within seconds so that the most Leo saw of him was just a glimpse.

Raph didn’t seem too keen on interacting either, curling into himself and giving short answers, like he was unsure about everything, and then Mikey just kind of gave Leo a strained smile and seemed to be extremely careful around him. There was no more “come look at the new spray-painting I did!”, just lots of “sorry”s, like he was worried Leo would tell him off for using a paintbrush. Like, sure, maybe Mikey could clean his room up a little more so that there were no hazardous materials just laying around, and he could be a little more careful when using the stove, but like, Leo wasn’t going to tell him to not paint or cook.

But anyway, lots of awkward tension, no one seemed to want to interact with Leo at any given point, Splinter retreated to his room and barely came out as far as Leo knew, blah blah blah, it was fine. Really, it was, it was also just… discouraging, to try and go out with your best and leave with the worst feedback you could’ve expected.

And then something happened.

Donnie got mad at him.

Not their usual banter, back and forth and hahaha now we’re besties again because you’ve always been my best friend.

No, this was… completely out of the blue, kind of. See, Leo wasn’t sleeping very well—which was totally normal for the resident insomniac, mind you. What’s a little sleepless spat? Absolutely nothing. Leo could handle it. He was the oldest, anyway, he had privileges—and so maybe he was just a little sleep deprived, and he kind of, maybe, sorta… grabbed Donnie’s mug when getting his morning coffee.

And normally! That was totally fine. Leo did that all the time, since Donnie had a backup mug that only his lips had ever touched and it didn’t matter if Leo stole the primary one because he had that other one for this exact circumstance. Usually, Donnie didn’t mind.

But it didn’t feel like there was a ‘usually’ anymore. Because this time, Leo accidentally grabbed Donnie’s primary mug, filled it with coffee, and curled up on one of the chairs to enjoy his hot midnight drink. Eyes closed, knees curled to his chest, hot mug cupped in freezing hands, and scalding, creamy liquid on his tongue. Comfortable isolation. Then,

“That’s my mug, Leonardo.”

Leo jumped at the low growl, eyes flying open and spotting the softshell in the doorway. Donnie’s arms were wrapped around himself, eyes red with sleeplessness, a fluffy blanket Raph had knitted for him after the Shredder draped over his shoulders like a cape.

“Donnie! Hey,” he said quickly, brain completely skipping over Donnie’s words, and the anxiety and relief at finally seeing his brother again made him miss the anger in his tone and appearance. He sat up and wondered what his own expression was doing. “Hey. How’re you doing?”

“You’re using my mug.”

“That’s—what?” Leo looked at the mug. “O-oh. Sorry, I didn’t… I wasn’t looking. Must’ve grabbed it by accident.”

“Some accident,” Donnie scoffed, and Leo blinked.

“What?”

“I said ‘some accident’,” Donnie repeated, hissing.

“What do you mean?”

“What do I—!” Donnie threw his hands up in frustration. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“Why are you using that tone on me?”

“Oh, what, you’re just so high and mighty now that a lowly peasant like me can’t use an unsavory tone on you?” Donnie spat, stalking forward so fast that Leo stood up and frowned, worried and defensive and anxiety skyrocketing.

“What are you talking about, Dee? I just grabbed the wrong mug, that’s all!” he shot back, clutching it tightly.

“I don’t care!” Donnie shouted, escalating way too fast. What was going on? “Just because you’re the oldest now doesn’t mean you can waltz in and walk all over me and my stuff! It’s not yours anymore, it’s mine!”

“Dee—!”

Leo dropped the mug when Donnie shoved him, tripping over the chair and landing with a breathless thud on the floor. Static burst across his vision.

The mug shattered. Hot coffee spilled everywhere. Donnie let out an angry, anguished cry.

“You’ve ruined EVERYTHING!”

The world went dark, streaks of light, explosions haloing the silhouette hanging over him.

No.

(“Wipe that look off your face!”)

Every drop of blood drained from his face, and he barely had time to hear the “Get out! ” before he stumbled to his feet, heart racing with thunderous fear as he dashed out the door at top speed, his ears ringing too loud for him to hear anything else as he fled to have a traumatic flashback in peace.

Family meals were quiet nowadays. Maybe it was because of the information Draxum had dropped on them that had rocked the foundation of their world. Maybe it was because of the missing slider Mikey hadn’t seen since he and Raph burst into the kitchen to see him running from Donnie and a broken mug almost two weeks ago.

Normally, Mikey would’ve been suspicious of this, he would’ve hunted Leo down and dragged him out of whatever hole he was hiding in, but he wasn’t too fond of the idea of facing his older brother right now. (He still couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Leo was the oldest. Like, it kind of made sense, but at the same time, just. No. No. It wasn’t possible.)

It wasn’t that Mikey hated Leo! Of course he didn’t! It’s just… Mikey’s entire experience with oldest brothers had kind of just been… being coddled, shielded, sheltered, treated like some precious cargo. Leo was the only one in their family who didn’t do that, but now he was the oldest, so… what would change? Mikey wasn’t eager to find out that the last person in his family who didn’t treat him like china was going to start treating him like china.

So he just settled on checking the trackers Donnie had put on them, when the genius was passed out at his desk, computers bright and flashing. The first time he tried, it took a bit of navigating to find the tracker app, but once he did it the first time, it was easy every other time, and every single time, Leo was just… sitting in his room. Sleeping, maybe.

That was good! Leo needed his sleep, and Mikey had been noticing the snacks disappearing from the cabinets and cupboards, so he was eating too, and Mikey knew Leo kept a water bottle filled with fresh water in his room at all times, so he was drinking water too.

Leo was fine. He was.

But still, it was nagging at him. He’d been practicing meditation and exercising his mystic powers with Draxum, and it included a lot of drawing on his ninpo. Whenever he reached for it, though, he tended to pass by his brothers’ energies, and Leo’s… didn’t feel too good. Not small or vanished, just… sick? Kind of? Can spirits get sick? He’d tried to ask Draxum, but the goat just brushed him off with “No spirits can’t get sick, that’s ridiculous.”

So that’s it. Leo’s fine, Mikey was just being paranoid.

And the family mealtimes were so quiet…

Lunchtime, the last day of finals, Mikey was scrolling on his phone when that nagging feeling got stronger, and a text from April pinged out loud.

Apple Oatmeal:
Hey can u check on Leo 4me?

Ugh.

Mikey frowned in distaste, because avoiding his oldest(?!) brother still felt like the best option, and asked as casually as he could, “Hey, has anyone seen Leo recently?”

Nothing.

He looked up, and found that everyone had immediately found something interesting on the floor. Then Raph swallowed.

“I… haven’t seen him since he—since Donnie’s mug broke,” he admitted, sounding awkward about it.

“Me neither,” Donnie said tightly, a muscle in his jaw feathering at the mention.

“Dad?” Mikey asked, turning to their main patriarch.

Splinter pursed his lips. “I haven’t seen Blue since that lunch after Draxum told us… the news.”

“And I haven’t seen him since I delivered the news,” Draxum said, eyeing everyone around the table.

A beat.

“Are you all saying that Leonardo has spent two weeks in isolation?” Draxum suddenly demanded, standing so suddenly everyone flinched.

“Well- he hasn’t really been coming out of his room anyway,” Raph defended weakly, gripping the edge of the table. “It’s not like he’s been trying to make himself available for conversation.”

“That’s no excuse,” Draxum said sharply, softening a little when Raph cowered. “Leonardo was not made to be alone. I’ll admit that your hatching order was a bit much for you all to swallow, but doubling that on top of isolation will kill him.”

Mikey’s heart lodged in his throat, and suddenly, it didn’t matter so much that facing Leo felt awful and scary, so he stood up and said, “I’ll go check on him right now. He’s probably just… I don’t know, sleeping, or something.”

“Yeah, he’s probably just… trying to cope by himself,” Raph guessed.

“And what happened the last time he tried to ‘cope by himself’?” Draxum asked, face dark.

Mikey shuddered and nearly tripped over his feet as he made it to the doorway. He took the steps two at a time down to the hallway of their rooms, mind full of the memories from after the invasion as he pushed open the door.

And oh, was it a terrifying, familiar sight.

Leo was pale and limp as a ragdoll, curled up on his bed. Not asleep, not awake, caught in a middle-distance stare somewhere in the corner. It was almost like seeing a stranger, a far cry from the lively turtle Mikey had known not even a month ago.

No, longer. Since before the invasion.

It nearly took him out at the knees, and it was all he could do to make it to Leo’s bed. The smile that stretched across his face hurt, but he reached out and touched his brother’s cheek.

“Hi, Leo, hey,” he whispered, watching for Leo’s return.

It came slow. The lethargic blink, and then a faster blink, and then Leo met his eyes.

And he flinched.

Miniscule, barely a twitch. But Mikey pulled his hand back like he’d been burned, staggering back a step and lips quivering with tears. Except, when he pulled back, Leo’s gaze faded again, creating more distance that made Mikey panic, lunging forward again and holding Leo’s face in his hands.

“No, no, please don’t go,” he pleaded, trying not to give into hysterics. “I’m here, Leo, it’s okay. I won’t hurt you, Leo, please come back. Please come back, Leo. I’m here, please.”

Leo tilted his head away, a blank slate, and Mikey’s brain was filled with cotton.

He didn’t whimper. He didn’t. He did the brave thing, instead, and crawled onto the bed with his brother, performing his practiced and perfected Little Brother Cling, patent pending. Squirming under the covers and giving his beloved brother a full-body hug, settling in to wait and adding a text to his other brothers as an afterthought. That Leo was dissociating and that they were gonna hang out together for a little, and also that he’d let them know if anything changed or if they needed anything.

Tucking his head against Leo’s shoulder, Mikey shivered and remembered exactly how this had gone last time.

Right after the invasion, maybe a week or two post, Leo had a night terror so potent, tacked on top of other nightmares every night and shock and pain and medicines and trauma that his condition had declined rapidly. In the middle of the night, Mikey had woken to a panicked Donnie who was hollering for help as he booked it to the infirmary and a catatonic Leo, who had been awake and talking and laughing just a few hours before.

Draxum had been shocked by the change as well, but by the time Leo’s immediate needs were taken care of and he was hooked up to about a hundred machines, the goat had figured out that the stress was taking a heavy toll on Leo’s body and mind, and normal red-eared sliders could die from stress. His prescription? Never leave Leo alone. Hug him, take care of him, make him feel loved, and take away as much stress as possible. It had worked over the past three months, to a degree; He’d at least been willing to tell them that his arm and leg still ached, even though he’d gotten the casts off a couple weeks ago, or when post concussion symptoms reared their ugly heads.

Mikey squeezed his eyes shut. How could he have let this happen again? Leo was his big brother, oldest or not. It’s just… his entire experience with older brothers is a lot of distraction, or overbearing mother henning. Except for Leo, his idol, the person Mikey loved to show off to because it was so easy. The rapt attention, the affectionate cuddles, the facile praise, scouting for new places to tag, the effortless lift of a blanket after bedtime, welcoming him into sleep-warm safety and hugs, improvised stories, midnight Stardew Valley games, sharing skateboarding tips, and little things Mikey hadn’t even considered.

All of that, suddenly associated with scrutiny and hesitance and too much caution and rules to follow. By why had he thought all the fun would be replaced with all that? He was still Leo, no matter whether he was three years old or forty. And Mikey loved him for all he is, for all he was, and for being his big brother.

“Aww,” said Leo’s voice, wet and strangled as Mikey’s eyes flew open. “Love you too, Mikes.”

Mikey jolted upward, surprised to meet Leo’s very present and very focused gaze. “I didn’t say all of that aloud, did I?” he asked, startled.

Leo smiled up at him, eyes glittery and red. “Every word.”

Always a sympathetic crier, Mikey felt his eyes start to itch. He sank back down and hugged Leo even tighter, not budging when Leo gave a little “Oof,” and a tiny laugh before turning into the embrace and returning it tenfold, hiding his face in Mikey’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Mikey choked out, not even minding the crush of it. “Please don’t ever leave again.”

A flashback to after the invasion, when Leo had finally woken up after hours and hours of unconsciousness to a clingy Mikey, wet shoulder, and a hovering family. When Mikey used the same words, begging him to stay, and Leo managed to tell him he wouldn’t dream of it.

Leo did not reply this time around, only clutching him impossibly closer and without any intention of letting go—which is how it should always be, not the other way around. He didn’t know why he’d ever let Leo think this wasn’t the way it should be for even a second. He’d have to fix that.

But, he didn’t have to do that right now. He could just close his eyes and work on the now, and the now looked like holding onto Leo until the heat death of the universe. Or, y’know, until Leo let go. In a few decades.

Except, when Mikey opened his eyes again, the clock was three hours late, and Leo was blinking awake in his grasp. The slider’s eyes flicked up to his, and a piece of him seemed to melt with relief.

“Hi,” his brother rasped.

Mikey smiled, heart aglow with happiness to see him, and replied, “Hey.”

“What… what time…?”

“Ten PM.”

Leo’s face did something weird. “You… stayed?”

And Mikey’s heart broke. “Of course.”

His older brother clearly had no idea what to do with that, because he averted his gaze, and he mumbled, “Okay.”

Mikey squeezed him extra tight and wondered what he would do to get Leo to laugh again.

After a moment, Leo continued, “Um. Raph and- and Donnie are probably worried about you.”

“Nah, they know I’m fine. They’re more worried about you, Lee.”

Leo’s face spasmed and he tilted his miserable frown down where Mikey couldn’t see it. “No, they’re not,” he mumbled.

Um.

What?

“Is that what you’ve been telling yourself this whole time?” Mikey asked, jostling Leo and ignoring the little affronted noise that came with it. “Because I’m starting to think this whole thing is just a massive miscommunication, and you’re just assuming the worst of us, which isn’t a really kind thing to do.”

Leo flinched and tried to push out of Mikey’s grip, breathing shallowly. “Don’t do that to me. It’s not fair.”

“Of course it’s not fair,” he scoffed, holding on. “Almost as unfair as you assuming we hate you because you’re a little older than any of us thought you were, and depriving us of your presence.”

“‘Depriving’?” Leo parroted, tiny.

“Yes, depriving. Like, you don’t even know, dude.” He chuckled, a little breathlessly. “Fam—Mealtimes have been weird. Super quiet. We keep waiting for you to say something, but you’re in here, not out with us.”

“But—I thought- I thought that…”

“Don’t do that,” Mikey scolded lightly, lifting an arm to flick Leo in the forehead. “That’s Donnie’s job.”

A startled snort burst from Leo, both hands darting up to smother it. “I can’t tell if I’ve got Delicate Touch, Feelings, or just Mikey,” he giggled helplessly, muffled through his fingers, and Mikey wondered with a pang when he’d last seen Leo so vulnerable.

“Who says I can’t be all three at once?”

“Not me, no sir. You can be anything and everything you want to be all at once,” Leo mumbled sincerely, before inhaling and exhaling shakily, melting into Mikey’s hold.

“Including love you, no matter how old you are?”

A tremor ran through Leo’s body. He whispered, as small as he could get, “If you want.”

“I do want to.”

Leo shivered again and pressed yet closer. After a beat, he said quietly, “I’m… sorry. For avoiding you all. I was just…”

“Scared?” Mikey guessed when Leo didn’t finish, and felt the little wince.

“...Yeah,” Leo said, like his mouth was dry. “That.”

Mikey squeezed him with a sigh. “Don’t worry about it too much. We weren’t exactly the best about it either, and I intend on fixing that.”

“Now?” Leo asked, tensing.

“Soon. In the morning,” he allowed. “But before that, food, because I know you haven’t been eating full meals and I am going to start crying if I let you suffer another ounce of neglect from us.”

“I—Okay. Yeah.”

“Come on, let’s go.” He urged Leo up, and quickly found that laying in bed for days on end was not good for his brother’s muscles.

So, Leo’s thin arm around his shoulders and a hand at the slider’s waist, Mikey helped Leo stagger out of the room, leaving the door open to air out because Peeyoo, with a capital P. The stairs were a struggle, but they managed to get up and into the kitchen.

Except, when they got there, Raph was standing there, looking at his phone.

Mikey felt Leo tense beneath his grasp, and watched Raph freeze when he turned to see them. Both seemed to be at a loss of words, and since Leo was literally only standing because of Mikey, he couldn’t run.

Raph, however, had no such hindrances. He immediately clicked off his phone, and said, “I-I’ll go. Sorry. I—”

“Stop,” Mikey commanded, purely out of impulse, and watched Raph’s body lurch slightly, off-put by the tone. “Raph, stay here. We’re gonna talk.”

Leo immediately flinched, tugging against Mikey’s grasp. “N-no. No, Mikey, you didn’t—you said this could wait!” he said, a little desperate.

“But Raph’s right here,” Mikey argued back, pulling him back. “It’s a perfect opportunity.”

“P-perfect opportunity to do what?” Raph asked, timid.

“To talk.” Mikey grinned with most of his teeth, Dr. Delicate Touch tinging the expression. “Come on, let’s sit. I’m gonna make some food for Leo, and you two are going to talk.”

“What are you, our referee?” Leo asked, joking with a thread of strain as Mikey dropped him off in his usual seat at the kitchen table.

“I am now!” Mikey replied cheerily while Raph hesitantly sat in the chair across from the slider. “What do you want, Lee? I’ll make you anything.”

Leo sighed, defeated. “Just… some mac n’ cheese will be fine.”

“White or yellow?”

“I don’t… I don’t care.”

Mikey raised a brow at him. “Choose, or I’m putting carrots in it.”

“Who puts carrots in mac n’ cheese?” Raph mumbled.

“A crazy person,” Leo answered, as if it was automatic. He flushed and looked away when his brain caught up to what he said, and Raph just looked like his brain was stalling like the tank’s engine. “Um. White is… white is good.”

“Chicken?”

“Sure.”

“White mac n’ cheese with chicken coming up. Raph? You want some?”

“...No?”

“Can I make some for you anyway?”

“...Sure.”

Mikey rolled his eyes, amused and maybe a little guilty, for making them both so uncomfortable like this. Dr. Delicate Touch squashed the feeling with a firm resolve. Let the game begin! the Doctor exclaimed, wiggling in his seat in Mikey’s brain excitedly, eager to jump in where needed and cooled only by Dr. Feelings, who patted him on the head and said, It’ll be good for them, as long as they’re honest.

And that’s what I’m in charge of, Mikey agreed, but first they have to start talking.

His brothers were dead silent behind him as he started with the mac n’ cheese, putting a pot of water on to boil while he searched for those curly noodles Leo liked. Raph, sitting there with a hunched posture and looking for all the world like he’d like to be somewhere— anywhere else. And Leo, with his shoulders curled inwards, hands planted on the edge of the seat between his knees as he stared at the floor off to the side, brows scrunched in thought.

“So…” Mikey said, unapologetically loud in the silence and making both brothers flinch, “Who wants to go first?”

Leo and Raph glanced at each other, before quickly looking away again. Eugh boy; looks like Mikey’s got his work cut out for him.

“Here, I’ll go first,” he volunteered, and it was easy to say because he’d already admitted it earlier. “Leo, I’m sorry I avoided you. I was worried you’d stop being interested in me and the stuff I do and just start worrying about me all the time and not let me do anything you think is mildly dangerous.”

Leo made a surprised noise, not expecting the bluntness of it. “Wh-why would I do that?”

Mikey shrugged, dumping the noodles into the pot. “I don’t know. Catastrophization, I guess. I was trying so hard not to think about it that I forgot that you’re Leo, oldest or youngest or however old you are. You’re still my awesome older brother, no matter what you are or say or do.”

The poor slider ducked to hide his face in his hands again, shuddering, and didn’t look up when Mikey continued mercilessly,

“And that is how to do it. Who wants to go next?”

He turned to look at his brothers, and found Raph staring at Leo weirdly, like he was shocked, but searching.

After a moment, Raph said, “... I’m sorry too, Leo,” and Leo stopped dead. Mikey wasn’t even sure he could see him breathing when he watched the reaction. Raph paused, obviously unsure what to do with the reaction, and it was all Mikey could do to make a ‘go on’ motion with his hands.

He’s okay, Dr. Feelings reassured him gently. He’s just uncomfortable and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Keep pushing, Delicate Touch pressed, grinning. He’ll break in no time at this rate.

I don’t think the goal is to ‘break’ him, DT, Mikey thought, stirring the noodles slowly.

But—

Shh, listen to Raph, Feelings urged.

“—voiding you too. Raph was just… I dunno. Scared, I guess. That if you were really the oldest brother, no one would- no one would need Raphie anymore. He— I don’t want to be replaced, or- or tossed aside. I can’t… I can’t do that, I’m not… made to be alone. I don’t want to be alone, I- I—” Mikey jolted at the sound of a sob. Realistically, he knew it’d been coming from the growing emotion in Raph’s voice, but before he’d even turned around, Leo’s chair scraped on the floor, and he looked over just in time to see Leo white-knuckling the table as he hobbled over. Without hesitation, Leo knelt on the ground in front of Raph’s chair, the only place where he could get the snapper to see him, and grabbed one of his hands.

“No, no, no, Raphie,” Leo whispered, wet and just as horrified as Mikey felt. “We could never replace you. Why would you think that? We need you. We need you so much, Raph, please don’t say that.”

“Why?” Raph breathed, trembling. “You don’t—no one needs me anymore. I’m not- I’m just a—”

“Don’t finish that sentence,” Leo cut him off, leveling him with a look even though it was kind of ruined with how tears were shining like stars, brimming but unfallen. “No one’s going to like what will happen if you do.”

Mikey had to look away, gripping the spoon tightly as he stirred the cheezy sauce. It wasn’t that it hurt to watch, it just hurt to not contribute. He and Leo were pretty much good, but Leo and Raph needed a little space to communicate. Leo and Donnie… Eugh. That would definitely have to wait until tomorrow. After both of them have a decent breakfast, and a good night of sleep. Mikey would have to ensure that happens for the purple banded brother when the A Team is settled in a minute.

“I don’t want to lose you guys,” Raph said, apparently unbothered by the tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked like Leo holding his hand was a lifeline, clinging to it desperately. “I don’t want to be replaced.”

“You won’t,” Leo promised, clutching Raph’s hand tightly. “You won’t. I don’t—you think I want to be the oldest? I would never want to take this from you, Raphie. I don’t want to. I was so afraid when Draxum told us, and I didn’t want any of you to think of me differently. I didn’t want anyone to be scared of me and think that there was no room for me. I want everyone to stay here, I don’t want anything to change. We’ve had enough of that. I don’t- I don’t—” He broke off with a choked sob, sinking down onto his heels with his head pressed against where his hands covered Raph’s, but the tears still didn’t quite fall.

“Pizza Supreme, Leo,” Raph said, wobbling. He slid off the chair and tugged Leo into a hug, shaking and fully crying now, curling into the embrace when Leo threw his arms around his neck and squeezing.

Mikey exhaled slowly, trying very hard not to get emotional over the reconnection and cry over the noodles as he poured the sauce over them with shaking hands, gripping the spoon tightly as he stirred it in.

By the time he had the bowls filled, neither of them were crying, just seated back in Raph’s chair and clinging to each other quietly. Exactly what Mikey had in mind.

“What are we going to do now?” Leo croaked as Mikey delivered the bowls, eyes closed and comfortably tucked under Raph’s chin.

“Dunno,” Raph murmured. “But we’ll figure it out.”

“Why don’t we figure it out tomorrow?” Mikey suggested, startling both brothers like they’d forgotten he was there. “It’ll be easier to figure out with a good night’s sleep and breakfast behind us. Besides, we can get the whole family in here and talk about it.”

“Yeah,” Raph agreed. “That sounds good.”

“But what about…” Leo’s words died on his tongue, and the sunset duo glanced at him.

“What about what?” Mikey urged.

Leo swallowed audibly. “... Donnie?” Then he winced.

“We can deal with that in the morning too,” Raph offered as Mikey settled into his own chair. “For now, let’s just eat the amazing-smelling mac n cheese Mikey just made for us.”

Leo seemed all too happy to comply, picking up his fork and stuffing some of the cheesy noodles in his mouth, melting at the warmth of it into Raph’s hold. Raph made no move to detangle them, picking up his own fork and chowing down while Mikey pulled out his phone and started playing Block Blast.

“Thanks for the food Mikey,” Leo said, finally breaking the silence by the time Mikey had lost three times and both bowls were empty. “It was great.”

“No problem,” he replied, beaming at the slider. “And now, since you’ve both been fed and you’re all buddy-buddy again, I think it’s time we go to sleep.”

“Agreed,” Raph said emphatically, standing up and holding onto his turtle-shaped teddy bear, grinning at the little squeak Leo gave with the movement. His dangling toes didn’t even brush the floor. “What do you say, Leon? Wanna stay in my room tonight?”

Leo had to crane his neck to look at Raph with wide eyes. “A-are you sure?”

Raph smiled more. “Of course.”

Leo exhaled, like he’d been holding his breath, and returned the smile tentatively. “Yeah. I’d be down.”

“Perfect!” Mikey said, clapping once. “And while you do that, I’ll wrangle our resident grumpus into his bed and we can have a nice big family meeting in the morning.”

Except, Leo winced when the resident grumpus was mentioned, and Raph jostled him. “What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“Uh, it was so totally something,” Mikey scoffed. “What happened between you two?”

Leo flinched again —which wasn’t good—and he hid in Raph’s grasp—which was especially not good—and mumbled, “He hates me.”

Usually, Mikey would’ve spoken up with disbelief. Donnie? Hating Leo? Unheard of. They were inseparable, attached at the hip, double trouble. It was impossible for them to actually hate each other—but then he remembered the upset scowling face Donnie made whenever Leo was mentioned over the last few weeks, and he kept his mouth shut.

“No, I mean, like, what happened?” he clarified, instead. “Because, all we know is that you broke his mug last week and you were high-tailing it by the time Raph got to the door.”

The slider didn’t say anything for a minute, clearly collecting his thoughts as he curled further into Raph’s warmth and pulling his arms up to his chest. Eventually, he began, “… I couldn’t sleep, so I… came out to get some coffee, and I guess I grabbed Donnie’s mug by accident. He found me, and… got mad.”

“But you usually steal his mug,” Raph pointed out. “Isn’t that, like, your thing? Sharing?”

“Well, yeah,” Leo said, squirming a little and looking less than comfortable. “But… I dunno. He accused me of abusing ‘oldest privileges’ and that it was his cup, not mine, then he pushed me over and accidentally knocked the mug out of my hands. It broke on the ground and… he… yelled at me.”

“Yeah, we heard that,” Raph huffed. “It sounded like he was saying ‘you ruined everyth—’”

“S-stop," Leo choked out, gripping Raph’s arms around his chest tightly with clenched shut. “Don’t- don’t say that. Don’t say– please. Please.”

“Okay,” Mikey agreed quickly with some kind of sad understanding, because those split second of panicked eyes was a familiar sight after the invasion. His older brother flinching at every touch, with dead eyes and strained smiles and muffled screams in the middle of the night. Something about red, red everywhere, prickling and hurting and cold and cruel. How everything seemed to be a trigger. But he’d been doing better, recently. Smiling with sincerity, and cuddling and laughing. Was there just… another trigger they’d missed? He hadn’t told them a lot about what he’d experienced when the rest of them weren’t there, so it was highly possible. “We won’t say that again. Lesson learned. You’re okay, Leo, just breathe.”

The slider wasn’t listening, trembling all over instead. It looked like it hurt—and it did, from what they’d managed to pry out of him after previous episodes. Like every injury he’d received that day flared back up and reminded him of just how awful it had been—and Mikey could see it, the way his bad leg was slightly bent, alleviating some of the strain, how his one arm was weaker than the other.

“Did I trigger him?” Raph asked, slightly strangled with worry since he couldn’t quite bend his neck to see Leo’s face without the slider looking back.

“Maybe,” Mikey mumbled, reaching out to squeeze Leo’s hands lightly, hesitating when he flinched, then pulling away and sighing. “Just… take him to your room. Calm him down, and hopefully he’ll sleep.”

Raph gave a strained smile. “Since when did you become an expert on panicked turtles?”

“Hm,” was the only answer. “I’m… gonna go get Donnie, okay?”

“Yeah. Good luck.” The snapper leaned down to scoop Leo’s legs up, which made him startle  and grab his plastron, before Raph was tucking him under his chin and churring reassuringly, pressing his cheek to Leo’s head when he relaxed slightly.

Mikey slipped away, past Donnie’s room that had a funny little sign on it that said ‘occupied’ because sometimes he liked to twist the sign to ‘occupied’ at night to try and make them think that he was in his room and asleep while actually working on his devices in his lab. He rapped on the door to the lab and it let him in, so he channeled his inner Leo and strolled in comfortably.

“Heyyyyy Donnie!” he drawled when he spotted Donnie shrimping over his desk, staring at the lines of coding on a screen, and it was Doctor Delicate Touch smiling back, eager and ready for a fight when Donnie startled, head swiveling towards him with wide eyes.

“Oh, sweet Curie,” the softshell breathed, curling into a smaller and smaller ball on his office chair as Delicate Touch strode closer, like he was facing a shark. “Uh… hello, Miguel. Any chance you could, um, put away Dr. Delicate Touch and we can just- talk about this?”

Delicate Touch giggled, digging his claws into the chair’s shoulder in a threat. “Nope. Just me. By the way, would you possibly know what time it is currently?”

Donnie risked a furtive glance to the clock in the corner, and cursed softly under his breath. “I’m… sorry? I- I was just finishing up in a second here! Haha! Yes, of course, I was just about to leave, actually, he lied convincingly.”

“Uh-huh. And when was the last time you slept?”

“Uh…”

“A…. day or two ago?” Delicate Touch answered for him.

“Wha-haha-aaaat?” Donnie chuckled nervously, glancing between his screens and the floor. “Noooo, no, of course. I-I mean, of course not! That would be—so very irresponsible for such a turtle as moi. I wouldst never let thee worry about the completely normal and totally healthy sleep schedule I have.”

“Ah, right, of course; I believe you.”

“Wait, you do?” Donnie asked, wide, hopeful eyes, and slightly terrified.

“Ha! No. Come on, uppity up, we’ve got a family meeting in the morning and no one will want to deal with Grumpatello.”

“Family meeting? Will Leo be there?” he asked, expression turning sour.

“You’ll find out. For now, computer? Off. Or I’ll smash it.”

“You wouldn’t dare!” Donnie gasped, actually clutching his heart and looking appalled.

Delicate Touch raised a closed fist and grinned even sharper. “Wanna bet?”

“Okay! Okay, I yield, I yield,” Donnie yelped, closing all his screens in the blink of an eye.

“Great. Now, there’s a bed with your name on it, and I’m gonna make sure you get there.”

“Yes, of course. Why would I do anything else?” Donnie chuckled nervously, already up and moving by the time he’d finished his sentence.

Dr. Delicate Touch sighed, his thirst for terrified brothers soothed.

Leo hadn’t relaxed the entire way over to Raph’s room.

Not that Raph had expected him to, with the way he was all shaky and glassy-eyed. But… the motionlessness and tiny little haphazard gasps were worrying, and he didn’t know what to do with that other than just keep talking in a calm and gentle voice until he could settle them on his bed. And, even though it was big enough to fit all the turtles on it, he still hugged his little (big?) brother close, but not too tight because he didn’t want to hurt him further, and talked about anything at all.

“I can still taste that mac n cheese Mikey made for us a moment ago,” he was saying, “which is funny, considering it’s almost eleven at night, and he keeps telling us that the kitchen is supposed to be closed by nine thirty. Though, I suppose he’d make an exception this time around because he loves you and wants to take care of you. All of us do, we just… sometimes don’t know how, so we don’t try at all, because we don’t want to push you too hard. That’s why I’m keeping you close right now. Can you feel it? The bed under you, and my arms around you? I don’t want to let you go, so we’re just gonna stay right here, and… well… hopefully I can get you to come back. I don’t like it when you leave; I never have.

“You know that, right? Raph worries about you. And Mikey, and Donnie, of course, but right now, you’re his biggest concern. You’ve been hurting for a while, and Raph can see that now. I want to make it better if I can, you just gotta let me in, and let me know how, because all I know how to do is to tell you that we’re home, and everyone’s safe. Including you. Just breathe and you’ll see. Yeah? Can you do that for me? Just breathe, and feel it in here.” He pressed his hand to Leo’s plastron, over his heart, and felt it rise and fall a couple times, stilted and hard. “You’ve got it, Lee. Here, I’m gonna hold your hand so you can feel how I do it. Try and copy me, okay?” He let one hand rest against Leo’s chest, then picked up Leo’s hand with his other, and held the back of it to his own chest, brushing the edge of the scar from the blow he’d taken for his little brother (at the time).

A fine tremor shuddered through Leo, and shining eyes glanced up at him hesitantly. The hand turned, thumb finding the healing scar and rubbing lightly.

“It’s okay now,” Raph told him, hazarding a guess as to what was going through Leo’s head. “It doesn’t even hurt anymore, and Barry says it’ll be fully healed in a week or two.”

Leo made a tiny sound, slowly thawing from his frozen position.

“Raph’s fine, Leo,” he whispered. “Don’t you worry. I’m alive, and so are you. I bet you wouldn’t be able to feel this if you were in the bad place, huh?” He squeezed Leo’s hand firmly. “Or this.” He rapped his knuckles against the natural armor covering his brother’s big, soft heart. “And I bet there’s no mattresses back there like the one under us, yeah? Can you feel the mattress?”

The slider’s gaze bounced around for a moment, but then they locked back on Raph, and he nodded.

Raph smiled. “Good. Do you think you could feel this?” He pressed a kiss to Leo’s head. “Or this?” He shifted Leo’s hand to press firmly to the scar.

Leo shook his head.

“Do you know what all that stands for?”

Another shake.

“It stands for my love for you, Leon, and how much I would give just to keep you safe and see you smile and laugh. You’ve been my little brother for a long time. In size at the very least, anyway.”

Leo gave a startled snort, smiling a little bit and making Raph feel like he’d won a million dollars.

“There you are,” he murmured affectionately, nuzzling the top of his head.

“Yeah. Hi,” Leo croaked, then winced and cleared his throat. “I’m, uh… I’m sorry- for all… that.”

“All what?”

“That… drama. I didn’t mean to freak out.”

“Well of course you didn’t mean to. No one means to,” Raph scoffed, shifting slightly. “It just happens, and that’s okay. I’ve told you this before, right?”

“You—yeah. Yeah, you did. I… You’re… Right. Yeah.” Leo exhaled shakily, and then made Raph realize just how tense he was by giving a soft groan and sinking into the embrace like butter. “Pizza supreme,” he muttered, reclaiming his hand from the scar to rub at his face. “That sucked.”

“Not surprised. That looked painful.”

“Hm.”

“Do you need any, like, medicine? Or something?”

“Yeah,” Leo grunted, pushing up onto wobbly limbs, twisting around, and collapsed back into the embrace with a drawn out groan, shell against Raph’s chest. “It’s called sleep.”

“Hmph,” Raph huffed, amused, “Raph can help with that. Cuddle Bear Mode activating.” He wrapped his arms as snugly around Leo as he could get, and squeezed a little ‘oof’ and a breathless giggle out of the slider. “Comfy?” he asked, squishing him just a little tighter and delighting in the laugh that came out of it.

“Very,” Leo snickered. He tried to inhale as deeply as he could, but the air stuttered on its way in, and he burst out laughing even more. And then didn’t stop, even when Raph relaxed the grip to let him breathe. It just kept going, dipping into hysterical notes, until it tapered off very suddenly.

“Leo?” Raph asked, a little put off by the sudden silence. He leaned over to try and see the maskless face, only to be surprised that it was slack with sleep. “Huh. Okay then.” He sighed and tugged Leo a fraction of an inch closer and closed his own eyes.

Leo woke up half-sprawled across Raph’s plastron with a big hand on the crest of his shell to keep him in place, freezing with dazed panic, scrambling to think of something to do, how to escape, before the events yesterday registered in his brain and the relief poured over him in thick waves.

“Morning, sleepy,” rumbled Raph’s voice below him, the pitch resonating through his chest and through Leo’s body, giving him the second heart attack this morning in as many minutes.

“Hey,” Leo breathed, when he found his voice again.

“Feeling better?”

Better? “I mean, like… Uh. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.”

“Good. You wanna get up? I think I can smell Mikey cooking something up.”

Leo sniffed. “Oooh, crepes.”

“Guess we gotta hurry, then.”

“Mh. Five more minutes?”

“I’m hungryyyy.”

“Heh. Sucks to suck.”

And, despite preparing to reap the consequences, Leo found himself unprepared and about as useful as a limp noodle when Raph’s hand on his shell grabbed him by the lip of it and lifted him up like a kitten held by the scruff. Raph stood up effortlessly and lifted Leo up to eye height, grinning.

“Hey, shorty,” he mocked, and Leo sputtered, indignant and very awake, before shoving a hand in his face and grinning like an idiot at the chortle that got him. Okay, rocky first few seconds, but the adrenaline was wearing off and the morning was getting better and better. He could work with that.

“Just- shut up!” Leo groaned, flailing for a hold. He managed to grab Raph’s plastron, and pulled himself out of Raph’s grip before clumsily scaling him like a jungle gym, perching on his shoulders and slumping over to brace his arms on Raph’s head, cheek pillowed on them. He sighed comfortably and felt Raph loosely take hold of his dangling ankles for stability, probably out of reflex, and resigned himself to trying to fall back asleep to the sway-sway of Raph’s footsteps as they meandered out to the kitchen. It didn’t work, obviously, because the whole getting-picked-up thing was as much of a wake up call as it needed to be, and the walk to the kitchen wasn’t that long, but the intent was there.

Mikey was making crepes, and the stack he already had on a plate was a little concerning, considering how thin he liked to make them. The especially little-looking chef (from Leo’s vantage point) heard them come in, and looked at them with a bright smile, getting even brighter when he saw Leo on Raph’s shoulders.

“Hey!” he said happily. “Leo, you’re looking better.”

“I’m feeling better,” Leo admitted, tilting a lazy grin at the boxshell and realizing at the same moment that he was actually wildly grateful Mikey had dragged him out of bed last night.

“Good. Hope you’re both hungry, because I’ve got a hurricane planned for this kitchen.”

Raph snorted. “Nice; We’re looking forward to it. Where’s everyone else?”

“Donnie and dad are still in bed; Draxum is retrieving Casey and April from their place and giving them the rundown so we can talk as a big happy family when breakfast is over.”

“Wow,” Leo hummed, mouth dry. “You weren’t kidding when you said the whole family.”

Mikey shrugged. “I figured it would be easier for everyone to hear it at once, rather than having conversations every time someone asked or found out.”

“Fair enough,” Raph shrugged, but Leo felt the tic of discomfort with the way the snapper’s grip tightened on his ankles. “Do you need any help making the toppings?”

“Yes, that would be amazing! I think I’ve got the crepes covered, I just need the toppings and table to be set.”

“I’ve got toppings,” Leo volunteered.

“Can you stand?” Mikey asked, glancing up with slightly concerned eyes, not at all condescending.

His legs did kind of feel like Jell-O at the moment, but he also really wanted to save his pride a little bit from the emotional battering ram last night. “I can do it. What are my targets?”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Strawberries, bananas. The usual.”

“Aye aye.” Leo saluted, then climbed down from his perch and took up a post against the counter, the cutting board and fruits already ready for him. He snatched up a knife and took pride in the quick work he made of the toppings, dishing out the powdered sugar, brown sugar, nutella, peanut butter… et cetera ad nauseam.

By the time he was done and the table was set with dishes, it was nine thirty, and only Splinter had shown up, chilling on his phone on the chair and content to wait for the other family members to show up. And when it was clear they needed a wake up call, well… uh.

“Why me?!” Leo whined, trying to ignore how his heart was actually trying to beat out of his chest.

“Because you need to have your rebonding moment too,” Mikey explained, rolling his eyes as if it was obvious. “I’m not going to go to a meeting and have you two avoid each other the whole time. That’s not the point.”

“But he hates me. He’ll bite me!”

“Old news. Go.”

“I agree with Mikey, Leo,” Raph said, putting in the two cents that Leo was not asking for. “We won’t get anywhere if you two aren’t talking. Besides, he’s been miserable without you. I think if you just explain the situation—”

“He won’t listen.”

“You literally haven’t even seen him in weeks. Besides, you’re the best guy for the job,” Mikey argued. “Just do your faceman thing and he’s bound to hear you. He misses you.”

Leo scoffed, heart in his throat. “I’m not sure I believe that.”

“I really don’t care. Just—Go wake him up and talk. I’m not going to feed either of you until you can look each other in the eyes again, how about that?”

As if on cue, Leo’s stomach growled painfully, and he bent over, hugging his middle and scowling. “This is- this is cruelty. You’re being unfair.”

“Oh, cry about it,” Mikey groaned, officially Done. “Just go.”

Leo glowered at him, shooting daggers at his little brother in rapid fire, but he stomped away regardless, the anger giving way to fear when no one’s eyes were on him anymore. He didn’t stop hugging himself the whole way to Donnie’s room, his legs feeling all wobbly and weak, and leaned his head against the door tiredly, summoning the courage to enter.

When he did, Donnie didn’t stir, all tangled in his blankets and an Atomic Lass figure that had survived the Shredder discarded on the floor beside the bed.

Leo swallowed heavily, clutching his hands tightly to his own chest, and entirely scared of Donnie’s tendency to wake up swinging. He shut the door as silently as he could with his foot, breathing shallow and quick. He really didn’t want to do this.

And yet, Raph had called him Fearless a couple weeks ago, when he woke up and only Raph was there with him in the infirmary, offering a sweet and sad smile and telling him just how proud he was, how strong Leo had been. That he was Raph’s little Fearless. Leo didn’t know if Raph knew he remembered that, or if he’d told him in full confidence that he’d been too high to recall anything of the encounter later.

So what was he doing here, sitting around and not living up to the name his amazing older brother had given him?

With a low groan, Leo rubbed his face and forced his trembling legs to take him to Donnie’s bedside, sitting on his heels beside it and taking ahold of his hand, rubbing it lightly.

“Dee,” he whispered. “Hey, Dee, wake up. Mikey made crepes, and we’ve got a super scary family meeting to go to. Come on, dude, wake up, we gotta talk.”

The softshell woke with a start, inhaling sharply and bleary eyes flying open. They flitted over to him, and then he pulled his hand out of Leo’s grasp to rub at his face, as if he hadn’t even registered Leo’s presence yet. But hey, at least he didn’t wake up swinging. “...Timeizzit?” he slurred groggily.

“Nine thirty,” Leo whispered back, and winced at the way Donnie’s body froze up at the sound of his voice.

“Leo,” he stated in an unreadable tone.

“Hey, g’morning, Dee.” He bit his lip when Donnie blanched at the nickname. “Can we talk?”

“Mikey got you out of your room.”

“Yeah, he did. Can we—?”

“Talk about what? How the habits I’ve been exhibiting this last week are ‘self-destructive’, or how they’re ‘not good for me’? Because I thought that was a lecture Raph was supposed to give me,” the softshell bit out, sitting up while Leo stayed on the floor.

“Dee—”

“Oh, wait, I forgot. You’re the oldest now. So it’s your job now to take care of us and be all amazing and perfect and better than us.”

Leo was quickly regretting his decision to come closer. “No, Donnie—”

“No, you know what? I don’t think I do want to talk to you. Especially you.”

He flinched, eyes hot and a burning lump of emotions in the back of his throat. “Dee—”

“I told you not to call me that!” Donnie said loudly, standing up and glaring down at Leo, who could not find the strength to get up. “You broke my mug.”

“Is that seriously what this is all about?”

“You broke. My. Mug. And then you had the audacity to run away for us to clean it up! You’re always making everyone clean up your messes! You waltz into my lab unannounced, you mess up my desk, and then you walk back out! You leave your team behind and never let us know what you’re thinking, and then you slip up and it takes the biggest threat you can imagine for you to try and clean it up! You stopped bringing me gummy bears and energy drinks in the middle of the night and you stopped coming in to watch stupid YouTube videos until I finally fell asleep!”

Leo’s shell was against the door, and Donnie was towering over him. There was no space to breathe, only mind-numbing panic and pain and every prey instinct screaming at him to run.

“Where are all those witty remarks, Leo?!” Donnie shouted, big and scary and Leo wasn’t even sure he was looking at his brother anymore. A tall figure with a red eye, backlit by a distant star and washing out all color. “Where’s the faceman? The one who only tells us lies and laughs and runs away? You’re not my twin, you’re a pest.”

He cried out and kicked at the threat, barely hearing a pained yelp and the “Wait, Leo!” as he yanked open the door and bolted.

The hallways were a blur as he charged through them, heart pumping high in his throat and choking off all air supply. He needed to run. He needed to hide. But– no, his usual hiding spots were too obvious, too close.

Ha!

A loose metal pipe on the ground in his path. That was all he needed. He snatched it up, and—and—!

“Stop!”

Leo turned just in time for a blurry figure to collide with him, sending them tumbling through the sparking cyan portal that licked at their toes as it snapped shut behind them.

The person was atop him, grappling for his wrists and the new sword, and all Leo could think was NO! as he kicked and bit and screamed with whatever air was left in his lungs.

And then it occurred to him that his opponent was trying to talk with him after they’d gotten him face down in the dust, the sword discarded, and his wrists tied behind his shell.

“Leo, stop fighting and listen to me,” they hissed in his ear. “I’m not going to hurt you. It’s okay, you’re safe. Here, I’m going to let you go, but please don’t run. Are you going to run?”

He whined and bucked against the weight on his shell, breathing hard and not feeling very inclined to open his eyes.

“Please, Leo, I’m trying to help. I’ll let you go, you just have to promise you won’t run.”

Leo choked down a sob and nodded frantically.

“Okay. Just know, I’ll catch you again if you do.”

He nodded again, pulling at his wrists and not caring about the thrumming material that bit into his scales.

“Alright. Letting you go now.”

There was a click, and suddenly Leo was free.

Without hesitation, he tried to run again, only for some sort of material to wrap around his leg and bring him down again before he could get more than fifteen feet away, cutting off his yelp. He twisted around and tried to untie it, but his vision was too blurry and his hands too shaky and they were coming closer—!

He curled into a tight ball, arms over his head as they crouched in front of him, the line connected to his ankle still in their hand.

“I’m sorry, Leo,” they said, and it sounded sincere, but Leo just didn’t know. “I didn’t mean to say that, that was too far. Please, just—can you look at me? I’m sorry, I don’t- I don’t know why I said that, it just came out.”

“S-stop, stop,” he gasped out, trembling in his tight little ball and fighting the urge to just hide in his shell.

“Stopping,” the person agreed. The person. The person. Not the psychotic demon. It was just-

“D-Donnie?”

“Yes. Yeah, it’s me. I’m here, Lee. Would you look at me?”

Leo peeked through his arms at the purple-green blur against a blue sky—wait, blue? Where was the distant star? Where were the sharp claws and wicked teeth? And why was Donnie here?

His breath hitched as Donnie shuffled forward, hands outheld placatingly. “There you go. It’s just you and me right now. It’s nine-thirty on a Saturday morning, and we’re sitting in an empty field. It’s kind of hot out right now.”

Saturday? No, no, it was Wednesday, and there was no field. There were rocks, twisted and sharp bits of shrapnel everywhere, digging into his aching shoulder where it pressed into the hard rock beneath. Right?

“What are you doing here?” Leo rasped, all garbled and hoarse. “You- you’re not supposed to—I-I made sure that-”

“You’re not there anymore,” Donnie tried to soothe. “We’re on Earth. It’s just the two of us right now, and the family is waiting for us to come back home, but first you gotta calm down. Where are we right now?”

“The Prison Dimension,” he blurted, without much thought.

Donnie shook his head, face twitching at the mention. “No, we’re not. Can you try again? Tell me one thing you can see, and really pay attention to it, okay? What colors can you see?”

Leo swallowed heavily, throat clicking as he did so. Colors. Colors, colors, colors. He could see Donnie, the purple mask and purple markings and green skin and those goofy eyebrows. And, behind him was the blue he’d noticed earlier, which still didn’t make sense, but when he glanced to the side, he could see… yellow? Where did that color come from?

“Y-yellow?” he tried tentatively.

“Yes, good. That’s the grass around us. Can you hear the wind blowing through it?”

When he listened, he realized that he could. “Yeah…?”

“It sounds like snakes, doesn’t it?”

“…Yeah.”

“So I want you to try again, Leo. Where are we?”

Leo sucked in a shaky breath and looked around, limbs aching as he consciously relaxed them.

They were sitting in a field, the sun making the tall grass look like gold around them even though it swayed delicately in the wind that had goosebumps sprouting along his skin even with the sun seeming to spotlight the place. It was calm and empty, save for the two turtles and the crushed grass around them from the struggle.

“We’re… in a field,” he said slowly, piecing it together as he went. “And I portalled… I portalled us here.”

“That’s right,” Donnie said, bobbing his head up and down as he sat back on his heels. “Welcome back, Leo.”

“Yeah. Hi,” he breathed, gradually letting his limbs down from their defensive positions. He kept looking around, trying to further prove to himself that this was real, even though everything kind of felt slightly off. “What…?”

“I believe I triggered you,” Donnie admitted, immediately looking away and rubbing his neck. “I… did not mean to. I’m sorry.”

Leo startled and looked at him, wide eyed. It was usually so hard to get a straightforward apology from his brother. He must’ve meant it, then. “It’s… okay.”

“It’s not,” Donne responded immediately, fists clenching. “I shouldn’t have… I had no right to snap at you like that. All you wanted to do was talk, and I escalated the situation. It’s my fault. Are you—I didn’t hurt you, did I? “

He did a once-over of his body.  His chest felt tight and his shell, arm, and leg ached, but that was normal after a panic attack, and would eventually fade in an hour or so. The only new thing was the rubbed-raw feeling on his ankle and the sharp throbbing on his wrists. He glanced down, and- yup. A purple ninpo-surujin was caught around his ankle, firm and solid enough to be untiable, and his wrists had deep imprints where Leo had pulled against whatever Donnie had used to tie his arms. “...I’ll be fine,” he said eventually, “but did you seriously use a surujin on me?”

“Hm?” Donnie looked down at Leo’s foot, then blanched and immediately dissolved the construct. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” came the automatic response, even though he leaned down to rub at the irritated skin. He gave a trembling sigh and bent over his knee, ignoring the spike of pain, and said, “You wouldn’t be willing to listen to me now, would you?”

“I would. I’m sorry, I- I shouldn’t have let my anger get in the way.”

Leo hummed, resting his cheek on his knee and looking at the ground. “It’s okay. I get it.”

The wind blew through the grass, smelling like dew and trees and dirt. It was… peaceful. A perfect moment for him to round his rowdy thoughts into one corral.

He murmured, “I think I need to apologize to you as well.”

Donnie looked at him in a weird way. “Why would you need to apologize?”

Leo shrugged. “I did use your mug without your permission, and then left you to deal with the fallout.”

“I triggered you. You had every right to escape.”

“I should’ve held it together better. I’m better at conflict resolution than that, but I… I was scared.”

Donnie stared at him.

“After Draxum told us, I… panicked. Because, like, we’ve had enough changes recently. With the whole… Shredder thing, and the team responsibilities, and… the invasion…” He inhaled shakily through the stab of panic in his already racing heart. “I just didn’t want to deal with another thing. Especially something that would change you guys’ views of me so drastically. I’m not ready to… I mean, being leader of the Mad Dogz is one thing, and it’s better co-ing with Raph, but being the oldest feels… so much bigger, and I wasn’t prepared. I’m not prepared. I ran away because I didn’t want to know what you guys thought of me. I didn’t want to screw up. I didn’t want to be told I wasn’t wanted, because, like, we already have Raph. Who needs anything else? What we have is great . No one needs me running around and screwing it up.”

“I see,” Donnie said slowly. “But I do have one question.”

“Shoot.”

“Do… do you want to be the oldest?”

“No!” Leo answered immediately. “Pizza Supreme, no. I couldn’t- I could never. I wouldn’t even know how.”

That seemed to be the answer Donnie was looking for, because he exhaled heavily, shoulders slumping like a weight had been suddenly removed. He covered his face with one hand and said quiveringly, “Okay. Okay. Yes, right. Of course.”

Leo looked up at the softshell. “Dee?”

Donnie inhaled sharply, sitting bolt upright, and said tightly, “If you were worried about us treating you differently or thinking of you differently, then I was terrified you didn’t want to be my twin anymore.”

Leo sat up and gaped at him, appalled. “Okay. That- that’s actually kind of insulting, since I’m the one who suggested being twins in the first place.”

“In my defense, I was too busy panicking to think about that!” Donnie said in a high-pitched voice, looking slightly panicked as he flapped his hands around. “I just assumed you would step right into it when you came to terms with it! Do you still want to be my twin?’

“More than air,” Leo breathed, overwhelmed with emotions and the tears that had been brimming since yesterday, but had yet to fall. “I just don’t know if I’ll—” His throat closed up with panic at the thought, and he had to look away to hide the trembling stim of his hand behind his bent knee, which only hurt more the longer he held the position. He curled over his trembling hand, trying to breathe through the rush of fear, and suddenly found Donnie kneeling in front of him on the trampled grass, reaching out. Blindly, he reached back and felt Donnie’s hands grab his.

He looked up and saw the softshell’s form through thick tears that he carefully blinked through. Donnie’s hands were shaking too, from where they were holding his, but his expression was intent and concerned. “Hug?” he offered.

“Please,” Leo gasped. He followed Donnie’s tug and crawled into his lap to let himself be cradled, clinging to him with everything he had. Before long, he got Donnie’s shoulder wet, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop. It felt like too much to ask of him—to keep him from the release that had already been withheld from him for what felt like years. He choked out, “I don’t know if I’ll be allowed.”

Donnie snorted. “I’d like to see them try to tear us away from each other,” he said, clutching Leo closer, despite already being as intersected as possible. A wet patch on Leo’s collar and a tiny sniff. “Disaster twins for life?”

Leo laughed, snotty and wet and gross, but nodded against his twin’s shoulder. “Yeah, Dee. Disaster twins for life.”

The twins returned home hand in hand at ten in the morning, red-eyed and sniffling, but smiling when they stepped through the cyan portal, a sword reverted into a useless metal pipe and discarded somewhere in the tunnels. Leo was sporting a couple scratches on his shoulder and bruised wrists and ankles, but his grip was just as firm around Donnie’s fingers as the softshell’s was around his, even with the bruise blooming across his jaw from where Leo had clocked him in a panic and the slight limp.

They took one step into the kitchen where the entire family was waiting for them. A tired, disheveled-looking April with her hair out of its normal pigtail buns, took one look at them, and immediately narrowed in on Donnie, hardly giving a moment’s notice before attacking.

Donnie went down like a sack of stones, and his hand was connected to Leo’s, so Leo was drawn down too, the two of them sprawled on the ground, blinking in surprise while April pinned Donnie down.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she snarled at the softshell. “You neglected him?!”

“What?” Donnie squawked, pushing up against her. He winced when she shoved him back down none too kindly.

“You left Leo alone the entire time we were gone! Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you, Donatello?!”

Leo watched the spectacle, baffled and too drained to do anything about it, before he felt someone else grabbing his arm and helping him up. Before he could even comprehend being on his feet, Casey was yanking him into a python hug, He spotted Mikey, Raph, Draxum, and Splinter over Casey’s shoulder, shoulders hunched and moping in a way that screamed Standard April O’Niel beatdown. He suspected it had something to do with all the shrieking about letting Leo isolate himself and how there was so much going on and blah blah blah and:

“What happened to your face?”

“I hit him,” Leo answered with a shrug, happily leaning into Casey’s hug. All this affection!! Awesome!!

“Wait, you did what?” Casey asked, leaning back and holding Leo by the shoulders at arm’s length. Leo grieved the loss of contact. “Why did you hit Donnie?”

“Okay, technically it was an accident,” he placated the human. “I was in a funk and he wouldn’t back off.”

“That’s not better,” Donnie spat. “Apes, get off.”

“Not until you apologize!”

“I already did!”

“Where I can hear it, Donald.”

“Yeah! Get him, April!” Leo cackled, twisting to try and watch the fight.

“Traitor!” Donnie hissed, writhing and floundering under their unyielding sister.

“I wouldn’t get too comfy if I were you,” Casey said to Leo casually. “She’s coming for you next, Sensei.”

Leo felt the blood drain from his face, and he squeaked, immediately attempting to fly the coop. Unfortunately, the coop door was locked, and by locked, he meant Casey.

He yelped at the sudden change in position, squirming in the Nelson headlock and shocked—once more—by the human’s strength. Then again, said human had been rolling with the big guns in the apocalypse for most of his life, so maybe Leo should stop being so surprised everytime Casey gave them a show of strength.

“Nooooo you’re supposed to be on my side!” he wailed, clawing at Casey’s unbudging arm.

“I’m on the side of those who don’t isolate themselves for stupid reasons,” the human replied, flexing briefly and making Leo choke.

He groaned and gave in, accepting his fate while he waited for April to finish thoroughly chewing Donnie out. Maybe he sent a few prayers up to Gram Gram and the rest of their clan that April would leave him in enough pieces for him to enjoy the crepes that were smelling more mouth-watering by the minute.

Then Casey released him, and before Leo could spring away, April was grabbing his shoulders and locking his gaze down with her own.

“Leonardo,” she said.

“April,” he replied, swallowing and giving her a nervous grin. He glanced over her shoulder to see Donnie getting up, rubbing his shoulders with a wince. He sent pleading eyes at his twin, who responded with a sticking out tongue before he trotted over to the rest of their family.

“Don’t look at him, look at me,” April ordered.

He looked at her.

“I have one thing to say to you, and I need you to listen really closely and think really hard about what I’m going to say. Okay?”

Leo nodded dumbly. “Yes ma’am.”

“You’re listening?”

“Yup.”

“And you’re gonna think about it?”

“Mhm.”

“Good. Okay.”

“Okay.”

She inhaled deep, keeping a firm hold on him.

And then she rattled him so hard his teeth clacked and chattered as she shouted at him, “You are a complete idiot! Even the three blind mice can see better than you if you can’t see how much we love you! And if you ever, ever even kind of sort of think about trying that little disappearing act again, I will haul your sorry little shell all the way back here and smack some sense into you! Capiche?”

“Capping your iche! Capping your iche!!” he yelped, stumbling back into Casey when she finally released him. He shook his head from where Casey had caught his arms, keeping him off the floor but barely, and looked up at the towering form of his sister dizzily. He coughed, “Heard, chef,” and flinched at her cat’s grin.

“Glad we could come to an understanding,” she said sweetly, patting him on the head. “Now stand at attention and give me a hug, soldier.”

The discombobulation vanished at the prospect of a hug, and he struggled up eagerly, earnestly wrapping his big sister up in a tight hug while his tail wagged painfully fast.

“I didn’t scare you, did I?” she asked as she squeezed him, softly so no one could hear.

“No,” he breathed, the rush of endorphins completely addicting. He wished he never had to let go of any hug ever. “Just surprised me, that's all.”

“Okay. Good. Are you feeling alright?”

He grinned, her loose, fluffy hair tickling his nose as he squirmed closer. “Better than ever, actually,” he said, only slightly lying because his legs actually kind of felt like noodles and he wanted to go to sleep for the rest of the day. “How were finals?”

“Ugh, don’t even ask,” she groaned. “I think I did pretty good on them, but the second this breakfast and family meeting is over, I am crashing on the couch and not moving for a week.”

“We could have a Jupiter Jim movie marathon,” he offered.

“Mm. Don’t tempt me.”

“I don’t think Junior’s seen a couple of the movies yet, and we’ve got nothing on our calendars. Do you?”

“No. And thank goodness for it, too, because I think I would actually sue if we didn’t get winter break.”

“Donnie would happily file the report.”

“Dude!” she snorted, pulling away and grinning. “Stop encouraging bad behavior!”

“What?” he said innocently, “You know he would!”

She rolled her eyes and punched him in the shoulder, smirking at his little “Aha-ow!”

“Come on, let’s just eat,” she said, turning to the kitchen. “I’m starving.”

He eagerly slid into step with her. “Me too.”

“Oh, come on!” Mikey groaned. “How come Leo gets special treatment?!”

Leo stuck his tongue out at his little brother.

The couch was overrated, Leo decided quickly when Raph hugged him like a teddy bear for the second time in as many days. This was so much better. And! It only got better, because Donnie and Mikey liked the idea and decided to use Raph as furniture too. His stomach was full and his family was all within eyesight, and he was being hugged. What could possibly be more perfect than this?

So lost in the bliss of being held, he almost missed the introduction.

“So, I bet you’re all wondering why I’ve called you here,” April started.

“We’re not,” Donnie said, already on his phone even though he was insistent on Leo’s legs draping over his shoulders while he used Raph as a backrest from his spot on the floor.

“Well- yeah, duh, but the bit, Dee.”

“Point conceded. Continue.”

“Anyway. We’re called here today to discuss the new Hamato Clan Hierarchy, and why the recent changes are making us uncomfortable. We’re all going to be honest and kind as we talk about it, right, boys?”

All four turtles nodded, and April grinned. “Perfect! Now, Mikey, let’s start with you! Why is Leo being the oldest an issue for you?”

“Ah,” Mikey squeaked, ducking behind Raph’s head from his perch on the snapper’s shoulders. “Um. Well, it’s just…” He sighed. “I was worried Leo would stop being… y’know. Leo.”

Leo wrinkled his nose. Why would he stop being himself? Sure, Mikey had already told him about this, but the distaste at the idea was just so… bitter.

“Which you know isn’t true now, right?” April asked, pointed.

“Yeah, obviously. I just wasn’t thinking about it.”

“For two weeks,” Leo muttered under his breath.

“Donnie, pinch him for me please.”

Leo hissed and smacked the softshell when he did just that.

“We’re not talking reason right now, Leo, we’re just talking about what happened. Raph? How about you?”

“Do we have to talk about this?” Raph asked uncomfortably, squeezing Leo just a little bit tighter as a result. The pressure was more than welcome, no matter how it was caused, and Leo sank into it.

“Yes.”

“Whyyyy?”

“Because I said so, now go.”

“Ugh.” Raph slumped over and pressed his forehead to the crown of Leo’s skull, who almost giggled. Heh. “I just… didn’t want to be replaced. Again,” he added softly. Leo was pretty sure only he heard it, and the giddy mood dampened a little. Raph tensed, like he’d realized what that sounded like, and mumbled, “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, big guy,” Leo responded distantly, blindly reaching back to pat his brother’s neck.

“And Donnie?”

Donnie grabbed Leo’s ankle like he was looking for support. “I… didn’t want to lose my twin.”

“You are not losing him,” Draxum said, blank and punctual. “He will still be there, your imaginary status as twins will just shift—ow!” he yelped when Splinter grabbed his shoulders and dug his nails in.

Leo’s yanked Donnie up into Raph’s lap with him, unable to breathe as they slotted into a tight hug, Raph curling over them and Mikey putting his hands on their heads as he hissed,

“Draxum!”

“What?” the goat said, dodging April’s smack. “I was merely stating a fact—!”

“Well then you need some better bedside manners!” Raph snarled, clutching the twins tight to his chest.

“Apologize. Now,” Mikey ordered.

Leo realized, belatedly, that Donnie was barely breathing beside him, his glassy gaze fixed somewhere not here, and his grip on Leo was slackening. The only reasonable response Leo had was panic, his own breath hitching as he clutched his twin close.

“Breathe, Donald,” he gasped out, the rest of their family erupting into an argument over them.

Donnie glanced helplessly out at the fight, hands trembling against Leo’s shell.

“Please, Dee,” he begged softly. “Breathe. I-I need you to breathe. No one’s pulling us apart, okay? We’re right here, we’re together. Please breathe.”

The shuddering inhale was a relief, but the ensuing muffled sob was just as devastating. His twin curled into him and buried his face in his shoulder, trembling. “D-don’t go,” he choked out, desperate.

“I won’t. I’m not going anywhere,” Leo promised, blinking away his own tears. “I’m right here, I’ve got your back. Breathe, Don, please?”

“Look what you’ve done!” Splinter exclaimed both loudly and suddenly, making Donnie flinch closer. “You’ve made them cry!”

“Master Splinter, please lower your voice,” Casey said, moving over to put a protective hand on Leo’s knee. “Shouting won’t help.”

“I agree, we should not be shouting over something as silly as this—”

“I didn’t say I was on your side,” Casey snapped, cutting Draxum off and glaring daggers at him. “You need to watch your tongue.”

Draxum jumped up. “Do not speak down to me, boy.”

Casey shot to his feet, readily all in Draxum’s business despite being a foot shorter, and spat, “Don’t terrorize my family. Then we’ll talk.”

“Guys!” April blurted.

Donnie hiccupped into Leo’s shoulder, gasping for breath.

“I wasn’t terrorizing them! I would’ve expected you to see that at least!”

“ At least know a threat when I see one!”

“Neither of you are making this better! Draxum, stand down, ” their sister ordered,

“Why must I step down?! The human is accusing me of—”

“I’m well aware of what he’s accusing you for, but excuse us for being defensive of the two people who just might be affected the most by that bomb you dropped, and you hurt their feelings!”

Leo covered his twin’s ears, squeezing his eyes shut.

“It’s not my fault they won’t accept the truth!”

“Why are you being so blind!? They’ve been connected their entire lives, and now you’re telling them it’s all fake. Regardless of whether it’s the truth or not, it hurts.”

“Why?”

“Because—”

“EVERYONE SHUT UP!” Leo hollered, feeling all three brothers start at the register of his voice and the room fell silent. Hm. Guess none of them have heard him yell like that before. The volume kind of hurt his throat.

He inhaled to let the room settle a little bit, and said gently, “Guys, we appreciate the concern, but the yelling really isn’t helping. I’m kind of sick of all the panicking and anger that’s been going on for a while now, and I’d really like it to stop now. We’re here to have a discussion, not a fight, right? So let’s have a conversation and be civil about it.”

“That is what I have been saying,” Draxum said, exasperated, and frowned at the face Leo made at him.

“I don’t care what you’ve been saying,” he said, sharp. “You made Donnie cry. Fortunately for you, our family doesn’t usually condone revenge by violence, so you’ll probably wake up with your robes unstitched, but I haven’t decided yet. It might be death by glitter; you never know.”

Draxum spluttered. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Leo smiled in the scariest way he knew how, and from the way April grimaced and scooted back a few inches, it worked. “Try me.”

The old goat huffed and puffed, ready to blow the house down, but Leo disregarded him.

“Anyway,” he said flippantly, “can we just continue talking? I’m looking forward to the bit where we decide what should change. Personally, I don’t want to be the oldest. Co-leading the Mad Dogz with Raph is more than enough for me, and it sounds like everyone else would prefer it if things just didn’t change. I think we’ve had enough of that already within the past year alone. Right?”

His brothers nodded.

“Right, so why would we change this too?”

“Because it’s not right,” Draxum protested. “Everything made sense when I found that your family was twisted up and confused, and now we have enough information to fix it, so why don’t you?”

“We weren’t ‘confused’, we were content,” Leo snapped at him waspishly, just barely stopping himself from snarling.

“You’re denying biology, Leonardo.”

“And? You’ve met us, Drax. If we want to do something, we will, no matter how impossible. We break the laws of time and space and physics on the daily, and you think we can’t just swap nametags?”

“But why would you want to let it stay wrong?”

“Because that’s the way we want it. And didn’t I literally just say we can do anything we want to?”

Draxum said nothing.

“Exactly. Our family is weird, dude. We’ve got two humans, four turtles, a rat, and a goat, and if that isn’t the weirdest family combo, I don’t know what is. You signed up for the weird, so you gotta learn to roll with it.”

The goat hesitated, glancing around at the stern faces that clearly agreed with Leo, and eventually sighed. “I guess your proposal makes sense, given your record of doing things the… unorthodox way.”

Leo grinned brightly. “Glad we could come to an understanding. All that’s left is for us to decide if we should let this change anything.”

“I’m fine where we’re at,” Raph said, his voice all liquid warmth and pride. Leo dissolved into it.

“Me too,” Mikey agreed.

“I, as well,” Donnie mumbled against his shoulder.

“Is there anything you think should change?” April asked, watching him carefully.

Well, now that he had the option… he needed a way to abuse the power opportunity. “I think… I think that I should have a veto card. Just in case.”

All heads swiveled to look at him, and he winced.

“I mean, like, I already kind of have one as a co-head of the Mad Dogz, but I mean like a real one. Like, if Raph has an idea that I really think shouldn’t be done, I can pull the oldest card. But it would only be for really extreme cases. Like, life or death. Would that be okay?” He tilted his head up to look at Raph.

“Yeah, I’d be cool with that,” the eldest rumbled, pressing his beak to Leo’s forehead. “Good job handling this so well, bro.”

Leo glowed at the praise, smiling a little. “Thanks.”

“Anything else that should be added?” Casey asked, mostly to the room at large. “I mean, I don’t think this affects the rest of us the same way, but…”

Everyone glanced at everyone else, waiting for someone to speak up, but no one did.

“Are we good?” Mikey asked, looking around. “We’re good? Everyone? Good?”

A small chorus of ‘good’s drifted up, and Mikey nodded satisfactorily.

“Good,” he hummed, resting his chin on Raph’s head. “So. Who’s up for a movie marathon?”

“Me!” April and Casey said at the same time, raising their hands. Mikey giggled, and Donnie relaxed into Leo’s embrace, sighing shakily.

“Here, get up,” Raph said to the twins, shifting them onto the couch. “Mike and Ike are gonna get some things for a pillow pile.”

“Ooh, good idea!” Mikey exclaimed. “You two go get some movies, yeah? April, Casey, Draxum, go get some snacks. Dad, order some pizza?”

“But we just had breakfast!” Draxum spluttered, and Mikey stuck his tongue out at him.

“Shoo shoo!” the boxshell dismissed, easily staying balanced on Raph’s shoulders as the snapper stood. “I want candy!”

“Iiiiiii want candy~” Donnie hummed quietly, and Leo snickered.

“Come on, Tello,” he prompted, starting to detangle them, “let’s go get some movies.”

“I get first pick,” his twin huffed, squeezing Leo’s hand tight as they got to their feet.

“Ha! Good luck with that, I’m preparing for war when the others get in here.”

“Blue?” Splinter’s voice asked behind them as they went to leave.

Leo turned, and promptly had his heart jump into his throat when he saw his father, resulting in a physical jolt. Donnie’s hand tightened on his, just as startled as he was to see their father kneeling, forehead and palms planted to the floor.

“Gomen nasai. Forgive me, my son,” Splinter pleaded, soft and muffled against the floor.

“D-Dad,” Leo breathed.

“I apologize for misleading you all these years. I didn’t know, and I’m sorry for leaving you to deal with the fallout by yourself. I did not mean to hurt you.”

Leo glanced at Donnie, who gave him a clueless look in turn.

After a moment of indecision, Leo went for the safest option, and let go of Donnie’s hand to get on his dad’s level and touch his hand instead. “I know you didn’t,” he said carefully, feeling out the words as he went. Splinter flinched, but otherwise stayed stationary. Leo wasn’t sure he was even breathing. “It… it’s not your fault that you didn’t know, Pops, I’m not gonna blame you for that. I didn’t even think about it.”

Splinter relaxed a little, but still didn’t move.

“Although…”

The tension was back.

“Making us deal with it by ourselves was a pretty stupid thing to do, but I appreciate the apology. I know you’ve been trying to make more of an appearance in our lives, and I can see that it’s been hard, but you do it anyway. So, I accept the apology. You’re forgiven.”

Splinter exhaled heavily and sank lower into the bow. “Arigatō, my precious Blue,” he said thickly.

Leo smiled. “Anytime, Pops. Could you get up? I want a hug.”

“Of course.” Splinter sat up and lurched forward to give Leo a tight hug that made him laugh a little.

“Thanks,” Leo hummed, smiling. “Also, never do that again. You could’ve just said ‘sorry’ like a normal person, but nooooo. You had to go and nearly give me a heart attack.”

“Ah! No heart attacks for my boy,” Splinter said, leaning back and poking Leo in the chest. “You are much too young for that.”

Leo stuck out his tongue. “I’m sixteen! I’m practically an adult!”

Splinter tumbled back with the force of his howling laughter, wiping away tears. “Yes, of course! Almost an adult! What a good joke. Very funny.”

“You sound like Ariel,” Donnie snorted.

“Like you’re any better!” Leo shot back.

“Better at what?” Mikey asked, peeking over a mound of pillows in his arms. “Wait, where are the movies? Guyyyyys!” He dropped the pillows and advanced threateningly.

Leo scrambled back and up to his feet, feeling Donnie catch him before he could fall, and pointed at Splinter. “Blame him! He gave us a heart attack instead of letting us leave!”

Mikey paused beside their father, then bent over double to kiss Splinter’s head gently. It was Doctor Delicate Touch they were facing when he stood back up, and they both paled.

“Now,” Doctor Delicate Touch said sweetly, lacing his fingers together. “GO GET THE MOVIES OR I’LL CHEW OFF YOUR FINGERS!!”

“Yes sir!” the twins yelped in tandem, skittering away.

Splinter chuckled good naturedly and patted Mikey’s knee. “Well done, Orange.”

The boxshell grinned down at the rat, then turned and skipped away.

After the blood and dust and feathers had settled from the war, the Hamatos landed on one of the few Jupiter Jim movies Casey hadn’t seen yet. Something about Jupiter Jim and the Poisonous Deathslugs 5. It wasn’t necessarily any of their favorites, but it was a staple movie that must be watched nonetheless.

The patriarchs and humans had taken the couch and loveseat respectively while the turtles piled on the pillow mountain, bowls of candy and snacks strewn about the room for ‘optimal access’ as Donnie claimed, and no square inch of the room not filled with comfy lighting and warmth.

At some point, Draxum got up to go to the bathroom, or something—Leo was distracted by the movie—and Raph snickered,

“Hey guys, you know what I just figured out?”

“Sure.”

“What?”

“Hm?”

Raph opened his mouth to answer, but he laughed at himself instead. “We—heh—we finally—”

“Raph, as much as I love a good bit, you might want to breathe for the punchline,” Leo advised, smiling as he patted their brother on the shoulder.

The snapper shuddered for a few more laughs, then eventually got out, “We finally know who the oldest twin is.”

A beat of startled silence.

And then Donnie shrieked indignantly and whipped a pillow at Raph’s head while Leo and Mikey cackled, hugging their stomachs.

“YES! Take that Dee!! Oldest twin for life— ack!” Leo cried out, eating pillow as Donnie flung another one at his face and unable to control his laughter when it knocked him to the softened floor. Donnie clambered atop his shell and proceeded to wallop him with another cushion, unyielding at Leo’s attempts to buck him off through fits of laughter.

“Stupid- stupid- dum dum!” Donnie screeched. “My dignity! My honor! Noooooooooo!”

“Ohmigosh, you big baby!” Leo gasped out, twisting around to wrestle his twin over and accidentally sending the pillow flying at the loveseat.

Casey caught it before it could smack him in the face and complained loudly, “We can’t hear the movie, guys!”

“No, no, I actually think this might be better,” April chortled as the tussle grew into a full out wrestling match. Teeth and claws included. “Raph’s invoked the Cain Instinct. It’s a coin toss on who’ll come out alive, but I’ll bet you twenty bucks Donnie wins.”

“Ooh, you’re on.” Then, with expert precision, he whipped the pillow at Donnie and gave Leo the inch of leverage he needed to shove his snarling and hissing twin down onto his front and pin him.

“No!” April gasped. “That was cheating! Ref! Ref! Outside interference! Casey rigged it!”

“I was raised by ninjas, Commander. They’re known for unconventional methods of sabotage, right?”

“They’re also known for their stealth,” Leo grunted, throwing his weight against Donnie to keep him down and rolling his eyes at the resulting squawk. “You should probs take a few more lessons on that one, my guy.”

“I don’t have to be on your side, Sensei,” Casey threatened.

“Yeah you do, ‘cuz I said so,” Leo huffed, shooting him a grin.

“Get off of me, you heathen!” Donnie snarled, bucking.

“Oh, calm down, I’m not even hurting you, Dee.”

“You’re wounding my pride!” the softshell cried out, as if in agony.

“You and I both know it could stand to be taken down a couple pegs, dude,” Leo scoffed. “Now, do you yield? There’s never any shame in surrender,” he said sweetly.

“Yes there is, and you know that.”

“Well, there isn’t another option right now, little bro,” Leo snarked, and cackled when Donnie gave a war cry and bucked harder.

“There was still cheating involved!” April groused. “Splints, input?”

Splinter stroked his beard wisely. “A fight is a fight, my dear. Now, didn’t you place a bet on which of the twins would win?”

Something in Leo’s chest glowed at being called a twin again, even though April’s expression was grumpy as she slapped $20 into a smirking Casey’s palm. The ‘twin’ thing seemed to do something to Donnie too, because the softshell huffed and fell still, which was as much of a surrender as Leo was going to get, so he chuckled victoriously and collapsed beside Donnie.

Donnie got up onto his elbows and tilted his head at Leo, seeming to drink in his laugh-drunk expression. “Twin,” he murmured, near silent.

“Forever and always,” Leo hummed, holding up a fist for Donnie to bump. “Told you they wouldn’t try and pull us apart.”

The softshell rolled his eyes, putting his hand back down. “I suppose you are right, for once in your menial life.”

“Menial,” Raph repeated, coming over to collect them into his arms. “Is that an insult?”

“It sure is, Raphala,” Donnie said unapologetically, hissing when Raph flicked his forehead, but settling into the grasp comfortably when Raph dragged them over back into the thick of the nest.

“Let’s just watch the movie,” their oldest brother sighed.

Leo had about a moment to think, hooray! I’ve been older-brothered again! before he registered the fact that at some point, he’d nearly been a little brother for the last time. Then the adrenaline washed away, and he realized just how tired he was, even if it was only… what, eleven in the morning? Eh, it didn’t matter. He was tired and Raph was warm, and he had enough self consciousness to kind of admit that maybe he was a little touch-starved.

So he relished in the moment, huddling into Raph’s warmth, holding his twin’s hand, leg strewn across Mikey’s lap, extended so his knee wouldn’t protest.

Yeah, he thought drowsily as the movie dragged on and the mood sobered, I’m the luckiest person in the world.