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Running into his first love, who disappeared from his life with basically no warning, was definitely not how Buck saw his day going. The train derailment was pure chaos, the space was bright, despite the late hour, due to the flashing lights from all the emergency cars and the flood lights they’d set up.
He didn’t even know she was back in town until he and Eddie climbed up into one of the cars with orders to evacuate and triage any survivors, only to come face-to-face with the woman who left him behind, like it was the easiest thing to do. She was bleeding from a cut on her head, but otherwise looked unharmed, based on the quick scan Buck did. After freezing in shock for a moment, Eddie nudged his shoulder and Abby called his name, he was finally able to focus back on what he was supposed to be doing. There were other people in the car as well, and everyone survived with mostly bumps and bruises, along with a few concussions.
He and Eddie helped everyone out and got them all down to get looked at by the paramedics on site, and in the shuffle, he lost sight of Abby, relief mixing in with the disappointment had him standing in confusion, rooted in place like a rock in the ocean, the waves of madness flowing around him, but not moving him.
It took Eddie’s presence, Eddie’s hand on his shoulder and his warm, dark eyes to pull him back, because of course it was Eddie. Eddie had been his shelter in the storm for almost as long as he’d known the man. He was steady, and strong, and Buck was helpless to do anything but cling to him.
He’d known that he was in love with Eddie after the tsunami, the day he dropped Christopher off at Buck’s apartment, completely unbothered that Buck had lost his kid the day before. He told Buck that there was nobody else he trusted Chris with, and something in Buck just went, “oh. That’s what this feeling is. It’s you. ”
Not that Buck planned on doing anything about it. Eddie just lost his wife less than a year ago, and as far as Buck knows, he’s also straight. Buck is not about to lose the best friendship he’s ever had, the family he’s always wanted, just because he gets attached too easily. He will be in love with Eddie from afar, but be the greatest best friend in the history of best friends, in hopes that it will be enough for Eddie to stay forever.
Eddie checked on him, and after Buck swore he was okay, drug him back into the mayhem, knowing that he needed something else to focus on to avoid getting stuck in his head over Abby, again.
It worked, of course, and then when the scene was cleaned up and the shift ended, Eddie drug Buck back to his house to keep him from spiraling once he was alone. Somehow, he always knew what Buck needed before Buck could even start to think about it.
Now, it’s two days later, and they’re all back at work. Bobby is cooking, Athena stopped over on her lunch break for a visit, while Karen and Maddie, who are both off today, were also invited to an impromptu family lunch. Buck is, of course, sitting by Eddie on the couch, shoulders smashed together, no space between their bodies, talking to Chim and Maddie, who just announced that they’re expecting. The mood is jovial, and Buck is reminded once again how much he loves the family he built in LA.
His sister is here, and she’s healthy and happy. Bobby and Athena have taken it upon themselves to parent him when he does something dumb, reminding him over and over again that he can come to them for advice, and they always listen when he does. Hen and Chim are extra siblings he never knew he wanted, but is so glad he got, and Eddie is everything he’s ever wanted in a partner, personally and professionally speaking. He’s just… everything, and Chris, the kid he loves more than he thought possible, is even moreso, it’s like everything finally fell into place. He’s a little hurt that he hasn’t heard from Abby since the day of the crash, but not as much as he thought he would be. She couldn’t be bothered to contact him when they were in a committed relationship, he’s not really expecting to hear from her now.
“Yo, Buckley! Got a visitor!” Comes a shout from below, which makes everyone in the loft perk up. Buck stands in confusion, since he can’t think of anyone who would be here for him. Maddie is already here, and if it was Chris and Carla, they would’ve called for him and Eddie together. Everyone he loves is already here with him.
His confusion is only compounded, along with a healthy dose of shock, when a familiar redhead pops up from the staircase. Everyone stares in silence for a moment, and Abby fiddles with the box in her hand nervously before she smiles shyly and gives a small wave. “Hi everyone. I hope I’m not interrupting anything? I just wanted to come and thank you all in person for everything you did the other day. I also brought treats!” She offers, holding up the box in offering, the logo from one of their favorite bakeries clear.
That seems to shake everyone from their stupor. “Abby! What a surprise!” Bobby says, and Buck can see the way Maddie tenses out of the corner of his eye. “You’re not interrupting anything, we were just about to sit and eat lunch, if you’d like to join us.” He offers, though his smile is the professional one he wears on calls, not the real one he usually has when they're back at the firehouse. Athena, who was friends with Abby before she left, follows his lead, pulling out a chair near the head of the table, almost as far away from Buck as it could be, though he doesn’t know if that was on purpose or not, and ushers her to sit with a friendly grin. Abby, after glancing in Buck’s direction, takes it gratefully.
Buck, who is still standing in front of the couch like a star struck idiot, is having a difficult time processing the entire situation. Bobby, bless him, calls out that lunch is ready, and everyone moves to the table, most with a friendly pat to his arm or a reassuring squeeze before they take their seats.
Eddie stands up, his body a line of heat at Buck’s back, reaches out and wraps one large hand around his wrist and discreetly pulls him to the table, where he is then sandwiched between Eddie and Maddie.
“Wow, not much has changed in a few years, huh? Your cooking is still absolutely delicious, Captain Nash.” Abby praises when they all dig in. Bobby just grins, and thanks her graciously.
“I’m glad you like it. A few things have changed, though.” He shares, a fond smile tugging his lips when he looks at Athena, who raises her left hand with an equally adoring grin.
“You two got married?! I did not see that coming, but congratulations!” She exclaims, glancing between the two.
“I saw it!” Hen proclaims victoriously, and the rest of them groan at the reminder of the bet she won about Bobby and Athena being together.
Abby looks confused by everyone’s reaction, and her gaze falls to Buck for an explanation. “Why do you all sound upset that she saw it coming?”
Before Buck can even open his mouth to answer, Eddie swoops in. “Apparently, they all had a bet going about whether they were together or not, and Hen won. The rest of them are just sore losers.” He says, not entirely unkindly.
“Oh, that makes way more sense.” She responds with a soft chuckle, though her brows are furrowed in confusion as she tries to place Eddie. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I remember you.” She apologizes, looking embarrassed.
“Eddie Diaz. I joined after you left, so you wouldn’t know me. I’m Buck’s partner, brought in specially to keep his dumbass out of trouble.” He says with a teasing nudge, and everyone else laughs.
“Well, you don’t do a very good job of it Eddie, how many times has our boy been in the hospital in the last few years?” Chim jokes.
“Okay, okay, it’s not all Eddie’s fault, believe me. If anyone can find trouble, it’s Buck. I think that’s the only thing about him that hasn’t changed.” Maddie defends with a laugh, which everyone echoes. Buck just rolls his eyes and wraps an arm around his sister’s shoulders lovingly, pulling her into his side. She squeaks and lightly shoves at him. “Let me go, you brute. Didn’t anyone ever teach you manners?” She quips her nose scrunched up, but her eyes are sparkling with joy and amusement, so he just plants a noisy kiss on the top of her head and lets her go.
“You would have had to have known manners to teach me any, Mads, so no, no manners here.” He says sweetly, ducking further into Eddie’s side when she gasps in outrage and reaches out to lightly, lovingly, whack his bicep, before joining in on the raucous laughter at the expense of the siblings.
“Alright children, don’t make me come down there.” Athena says in her best mom voice, but Buck can see the smile she’s biting back.
“Yes, mom.” Buck retorts innocently, smiling widely when she points her fork at his plate and rolls her eyes, a silent reminder to eat his food and stop messing around. He doesn’t bother to wipe the grin off his face as he turns his attention back to his food.
“You probably don’t recognize me either, I’m Maddie, Buck’s older sister. I heard a lot about you when I first moved to LA.” She introduces herself to Abby, and her words are kind, but there’s something in her tone that Buck recognizes as pure older sister protectiveness.
Buck groans silently, looking to Eddie in commiseration, but the traitor just shrugs with a quick grin before going back to his food, keeping one eye on Abby the whole time.
“Oh! I didn’t know you had a sister, Buck.” Abby replies, her gaze bouncing back and forth between the two of them.
Buck shrugs, reaching out to squeeze Maddie’s hand reassuringly when guilt and sorrow overtake her expression. “She and I kind of lost touch for a while, but she showed up a little while after you left - actually, the same day Eddie joined the 118, funnily enough - and I could not be happier to have her back in her life.” He says earnestly, the last bit directed towards Maddie, who gives him a sad, soft smile before shaking off her melancholy.
“Yup, I showed up out of the blue one day and my baby brother, the same one who survived on ramen and take out for most of his twenties, whips up this amazing omelet, probably the most delicious, fluffy thing I’ve ever had, it had a shallot in it. I was amazed, to say the least.” She exaggerates, sending him a wink. “He said it was all because of his captain. Did you know he compared you to Guy Fieri?” She asks Bobby, who smiles widely at the compliment, looking at Buck happily.
Buck groans. “Okay, I didn’t realize this was ‘Pick On Buck’ day, or I would have called in sick.” He pouts, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms, glaring at the table, who all laugh at him.
Eddie slings an arm over his shoulders casually. “Considering you were at mine last night, that wouldn’t have worked. I would not have covered for you.” He lies, because Buck knows he would have covered if he asked.
“Well, just for that, I’m not making you that chicken you like so much this week. Chris and I will pick something else.” He threatens, sticking his tongue out.
“Who’s Chris?” Abby asks lightly, and Buck jolts, guilt filling him because he forgot she was here. Her expression is curious and open, though there’s something odd flickering in her eyes.
“Chris is my son. He met Buck after the earthquake a few years ago, and promptly claimed him as his best friend. They’ve been practically inseparable ever since.” He shares politely, his voice having lost the teasing quality from earlier.
“I don’t know about ‘inseparable’-” Buck tries to deny, but Eddie just snorts.
“How many times have you taken him to the zoo? Or the aquarium? Or the space center? Or the-”
“Okay!” Buck interrupts as everyone laughs at them. “Okay, okay, but it’s not my fault, Chris is like, the coolest Diaz I know. Way cooler than his dad.” Buck says with a grin, which then sets Eddie off, and then Hen and Karen mention that Denny has been asking about a sleepover, and Athena adds that Harry has also been begging for one, and they talk about making plans for that, then the conversation diverges into what they’ve all been up to recently, funny stories they’ve brought home from school, as well as joking parenting advice directed at Maddie and Chim.
Buck sits back in his chair and lets the conversation flow around him, enjoying the warmth from Eddie’s body at his side and the joy of his sister on the other side of him. He catches Abby looking at him every time his attention turns to that side of the table, but he doesn’t think anything of it. It’s nice of her to thank them in person, and it’s good to see that she’s doing alright, laughing and joking with his team. She asks him a few questions in the vein of whatever everyone else is discussing at the time, and he answers, fondly rolling his eyes when Maddie and Eddie both hop in as well.
All in all, it’s a great lunch, even if Abby being there has him feeling slightly unsteady, like everything is just an inch or two left of center, not enough to be noticeable, but just enough to feel. He’s on dish duty after lunch, and the rest of the table splits off after cleaning the table. Athena heads back to work, Eddie escapes down to the bunks to answer a phone call, and the others head back to the lounge, all chores done earlier in the day.
Buck gets everything ready, he looks and realizes they’re out of dish soap, so he has to go down to the supply closet and root around for the extra bottle he swears he just saw the other day.
He left the door mostly closed, a leftover habit from his childhood when he would hide away from the blank looks his parents sent his way, like if they couldn’t see him, they could forget that they were disappointed in him all the time.
He holds the bottle up victoriously and turns to exit the storage room, only to be stopped by a voice right outside the door. “You don’t like me very much, do you?” Abby asks.
Buck furrows his brows, trying to think of who she could be talking to. Everybody was so nice during lunch!
“What makes you say that?” Eddie retorts, and Buck stifles a groan. He knows that tone. That’s Eddie’s ‘I’m being totally professional but in my head, I think you’re a complete idiot’ voice. He uses it on calls sometimes, usually when they’re dealing with racist or homophobic patients, and it usually amuses Buck but he has a feeling it’s not good in this conversation. He has a feeling this is not something he’s meant to overhear, but he’s far too curious to announce his presence now. He can hang out in a storage room for a little bit, that’s fine.
“You glared at me the entire lunch, and anytime I tried to talk to Buck, you jumped in, like some kind of guard dog. I don’t even know you, so can you tell me what you think I did that’s so bad?” She asks, but she sounds more offended than hurt, like Eddie not liking her is inconceivable.
Thinking back over the lunch, he realizes Eddie was extra broody, but never at Buck. He always smiled or gave him a soft look when he had Buck’s attention, (though he doesn’t know he always has Buck’s attention). He just assumed the frowny face was because he didn’t sleep well, since Chris did not want to go to bed last night, and even from the couch, he could hear Eddie tossing and turning.
“Really? You can’t think of a single reason why I may not like you? Me, Buck’s partner, who showed up after you left and watched as he waited for you to call, to email, to come home, and then had to accept that you never would, and he may never know why, you can’t imagine why I may not be your biggest fan?” Eddie asks sarcastically, and Buck can almost see him, just based on his voice. Can imagine the way he probably as his arms crossed over his chest, head tilted to one side, one eyebrow raised.
Abby lets out a frustrated sigh. “Listen, I needed to go. My mom had just died, and it was like, all of a sudden, I was able to just be myself, but then I realized I had no idea who that person was. I didn’t know who to be when I wasn’t focusing on everyone else’s problems.”
“I understand that, probably more than most, considering all the running I’ve done in my life. What I can’t understand is what you did after. You left him here, waiting for you, hanging on to every scrap of attention you deigned to give him, before slowly fading out of his life. You could have ended it before you left, or when you landed in whatever country you went to first, and you definitely should have done it whenever you decided you weren’t coming back. Instead, you left him here, waiting and heartbroken because you couldn’t grow up and communicate with your partner. You hurt him, and you haven’t done a single thing to apologize or make up for it, and that’s what I can’t forgive.” Eddie shares.
Abby sniffs. “You’re right. I should have said something sooner, but I’m back, I’m here now, and I want to make it up to him. I made a mistake in leaving Buck, but I don’t plan on doing that again.”
Buck tenses. That was what he’d wanted to hear, right? That she made a mistake and she understood why he was so hurt by her leaving. Sure, some petty part of him wanted her to miss him, maybe to come back and see how well he was doing and want him back, but he never thought that was something that would actually happen. And now that it’s happening, he’s not sure that it’s what he really wants.
He cared about Abby, obviously, probably would always love his Abby, the one that would call him when she had a rough day, the one that checked on him when she knew he had a bad call, who would stay up all night and talk about nothing with him. He loved her, and that love made him a better man, made him want to be better, but then she left, and he grew without her. The thought of being with her again now reminds him of trying to stuff himself into a favored pair of old shoes, like he’d be trying to shrink himself down into that version of him, but that’s not who he is anymore. And maybe that’s not fair, because Abby has obviously changed too. Two years is more than enough time to grow and change as a person, but if he’s being totally honest with himself, there’s only one person he really wants, and it’s not her.
Eddie interrupts his thoughts with a scoff of laughter. “Is that so? Did you realize that before, or after you tried to replace him with someone else? That’s why you never came back, isn’t it? You met someone else, gave it a go, and when that didn’t work, you came running back here, hoping that Buck would still be waiting.”
“No! I- How did you-”
“There’s a tan line on your ring finger, and you absently reach down to fiddle with it, like you’re used to spinning a ring around it. You also glance down in surprise every single time when you find it empty. I did the same thing when my wife left, so I’m very aware of the motion.” He shares smugly, and it’s almost enough to make Buck smile, if it weren’t for the hot spike of hurt he’s feeling. The thought of Abby being married, of leaving him and finding someone else, hits him harder than he thought it would. Not because he’s still hung up on her, but because it feels like another example of him never being enough.
“Which means,” Eddie continues. “You had time to meet someone, get to know them well enough to propose, and I’m assuming get married, judging by the width of the tanline, looks like there was an engagement and a wedding ring, all in two years time. So, how soon after you left Buck did you meet your husband? Was it before or after the letter he sent to officially end your relationship? The letter you never replied to, right?”
Buck feels his chest tighten in hurt. Maddie had mentioned the possibility too, when she first arrived, that Abby was seeing other people, but to hear it laid out like that, facts instead of an uneducated assumption, hits his square in the chest. They’re quiet for a minute, and then Eddie chuckles. It’s a cold sound though, nothing like his usual laugh, the one where his eyes crinkle and his lips pull up enough to show his sharp teeth, which Buck absolutely should not find as hot as he does. He kind of wants Eddie to bite him with them, but that’s not what he should be focusing on right now.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. You didn’t even have the decency to tell him you met someone else, so what in the world makes you think he’d take you back now? Buck has the biggest heart of anyone I know, but he’s not the same man you left. He has grown so much in the years since you abandoned him, I don’t think you really know him anymore.”
“Oh, you mean like you do? You think you know Buck better than me?” She snaps with a scoff, and Buck rears back. That’s not a tone he’s heard from her before, and it’s unsettling, especially aimed at his best friend.
“Yeah, I think I know him pretty well, considering we spend 90% of our time together, between work and our personal lives. He’s probably the single most constant person I’ve ever had in my life, outside of my son, who adores his Buck. I understand why you’d want him back, believe me, I’m just saying that I don’t think it’s going to work out in your favor, that’s all.” He says, and Buck can hear the shrug in his voice, even if he can’t see it.
“Oh. You-” Abby trails off, and the sneer is clear when she starts again. “You’re in love with him. That’s what this all is. You’re jealous that I came back for him, and you’re scared he’s going to choose me over you. Which you should be. I was his first love, and sure, maybe it took me a minute to get there, but Buck needed to grow up before we could be together, and now we can. I’m going to ask him to come home with me, and we both know he’ll do it to make me happy, because Buck loves me .”
Buck flinches, between the - sadly - untrue declaration of Eddie’s love for him, and her belief that he’d leave LA now. When she first left, he might have, might have gone to wherever she was if she so much as snapped her fingers, but not anymore. His family is here, and maybe it’s a little unconventional, and maybe they’re all a little frail and broken in places, but they’re his, and he wouldn’t give them up for the world.
Eddie’s laughter pulls him from his thoughts, and that’s his real laugh, like he finds what Abby said an incredibly funny joke. “You must be out of your mind.” He says through calmer chuckles.
“Buck won’t leave LA. His sister is here, his team is here, and there’s no way he’d abandon Chris. You’re more than welcome to try, though. In fact, I want to see it. Let me know when you ask him, because I want to be there.” He declares, a smile clear in his voice. “Also, Buck doesn’t need to do anything to be worthy of you, or anyone else. He is so unbelievably worthy of love just as he is, and I plan on spending the rest of my life proving it to him, if that’s what it takes for him to believe it. So, do me a favor and keep that dumbass opinion to yourself. He doesn’t need to deal with your fucked up expectations of what you think a relationship should be.”
“You’re talking to me about fucked up relationships? Didn’t you say your wife left you? You couldn’t keep her happy, why do you think you could do that for Buck?” Abby demands, and Buck bristles in anger. Eddie already feels shitty enough about how everything happened with Shannon, but he’s made so much progress in therapy, and Abby does not get to throw that in his face. He makes a move to exit the storage room, not even thinking to come up with an excuse or an explanation as to why he’s been eavesdropping, but Eddie’s voice stops him in his tracks.
“I have no idea. I don’t know why Buck chooses to be around me all the time, he deserves so much better, but I’m never going to complain about it. If he wants to be around me, then by God, I am going to be selfish enough to keep him. I can’t say if I’ll ever really be worthy of the unconditional and unblinking support he shows, but I wake up everyday and try to be enough for him. He may never love me the way I love him, and that’s okay. As long as he lets me love him, in any way, that’s good enough for me. We made our family, and we built a life together, and you are more than welcome to try and take that away, because you will never succeed. Buck and I have been through too much together to let someone like you come between us, so be. My. Guest.” Eddie invites dryly, and Buck can’t stop himself from bursting out of the closet this time, making them both flinch. He doesn’t even spare a glance to Abby, too focused on the man in front of him, and praying that he didn’t somehow misinterpret what he said.
“How do you love me?” He asks shakily, eyes glued to Eddie’s stunned browns. He watches as his cheeks dust with pink, probably embarrassed about being overheard, and he glances away, shifting guiltily.
“I- What were you doing in the storage room, Buck? Didn’t we just have a talk with Chris about how rude eavesdropping is?” He tries to deflect, but Buck won’t let him. Not now, not when he thinks they might actually be on the same page.
He sets the soap down and then reaches forward and catches Eddie’s face in his hands, forcing him to meet his eyes, silently pleading for him to love Buck like Buck loves him. “Eds. What way do you love me?” He murmurs, his thumbs brushing over Eddie’s cheekbones lovingly.
Eddie sighs unsteadily, his breath skating over Buck’s wrists and giving him goosebumps. Buck lets him be for a moment, holding his face, stroking his skin, curling his fingers to scratch lightly at his scalp. He thinks he should be nervous, but he’s not. Not when he can see the way Eddie is looking at him now, not when he’s leaning forward and letting Buck take some of his weight. Not when Buck feels large hands land on his waist, long fingers reaching around him, holding just above the waistband of his work pants. Everything around them fades, anything that isn’t Eddie ceases to exist in this moment; the firehouse, their family, Abby, they all disappear into the background.
Eddie takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before speaking quietly. “I love you in the way that is not the strictly platonic, friendly way. I love you in the way that I want to come home to you at the end of everyday, the kind where you sleep in my bed after movie nights, not the couch, the kind where I get to kiss you all the time and raise our kid together, the kind that eventually has us sharing an address and a last name and everything else. I love you like, love love you.” He shares earnestly, his eyes bouncing back and forth between Buck’s, copious amounts of fear in his, especially when Buck feels tears slip down his face.
The fear disappears when Buck leans in closer, resting his forehead against Eddie’s pausing just long enough to whisper, “I love love you, too.” Before he tilts Eddie’s face enough to pull him into an all consuming kiss. Buck instantly gets lost in the slide of Eddie’s lips against his, the taste of lunch and coffee and something else he can’t name that he knows is just Eddie. He moves one hand back to bury in Eddie’s hair, the strands just as soft as he thought they would be, and he feels arms slip all the way around him to pull him closer. It’s everything he thought kissing his best friend would be and so much more, he’s instantly addicted, and is even more sure that he could spend every day for the rest of his life doing this.
“YES!!” A ringing shout from the loft jerks them apart, and Buck blushes slightly, having forgotten that they were at work. Eddie doesn’t look much better, his gaze soft and glazed over, and so so loving. “I knew it! It is about goddamn time, all you bitches owe me money!!” Karen shouts triumphantly from where she’s looking down at them from the loft. Her shout brings everyone else scrambling to the edge, and their position, still locked in each other's arms, hair mussed and lips red from kisses, it’s very clear what they were doing.
Groans fill the air as everyone starts digging into their wallets. “You guys couldn’t have waited for a week?! Chris has a school thing next week and I was sure that was going to be it.” Chim says with a pout, slapping money against Karen’s outstretched palm.
“Wait wait, who made the first move?! There’s a bet on that, too!” Hen shouts, looking down to them hopefully.
Buck just laughs and leans down to kiss Eddie again quickly. A throat clearing from nearby draws him out of his love-drunk bubble. He glances over to Abby, who looks more than a little mad, and feels only the tiniest bit guilty.
“Oh, Abby! Uhm. I’m glad you’re alright and everything, but uh, the love of my life just admitted that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, so I- I gotta go.” He says easily, stepping out of Eddie’s arms to grab his hand and lead him up the stairs. The warmth of Eddie’s hand in his, and the sound of his laughter following him up the stairs to their jeering family has him feeling whole in a way he doesn’t think he’s ever known.
When they sink down on the couch, Eddie keeps him close with an arm over his shoulders, gently pulling him into his side, where Buck is more than happy to burrow into. He feels quick kisses being placed on his temple, and he can’t wipe the grin from his face, even when everyone teases him for it.
He doesn’t notice it when Abby leaves, because as far as he’s concerned, she’s always been his past. Eddie and Chris, they’re his future, and he can’t wait to get started on the rest of his life.