Chapter Text
New York City was, in Dennis’ words, “Gotham times ten”. He’d finally talked Oswald into taking a weekend off, and enjoying a mini-vacation; and he planned to get the most out of every moment. He’d booked a park view executive suite, with a terrace, at the Four Seasons. He’d gotten tickets for the Broadway production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch, which they went to see with a group of his Manhattan based friends; and afterwards, the group ended up at a delightful Greek restaurant.
Oswald felt like Cinderella. The hotel alone was overwhelming, an art deco vision that seemed to have been imported from 1930s Hollywood. The energy, the theater, the people, the crowds- it was thrilling, but by the end of the evening, Oswald was eager to get back to their suite and collapse. Waiting for Dennis to say his goodbyes to his friends, Oswald stood outside, in front of the restaurant; smoking a cigarette.
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While Oswald was dining with Dennis and his friends, Jim was having dinner with Bill in a nearby family style Italian eatery.
“I’m happy you’ve started visiting me; but I’m greedy. I wish I could have you here all the time.” Bill looked hopeful. “I know you don’t want to leave Gotham, but what’s there for you anymore, besides a job as a traffic cop? You could apply to be a detective here. Maybe think about just being happy, instead of saving Gotham.”
“ I’ve got to be honest. I’m not sure I’m ready to break up with Lee; she’s a good person, and she deserves better than a man who can’t be faithful to her. But she’s been good for me; healthy, somehow.” Jim’s discomfort showed in his face. He’d known this talk was coming, eventually.
Bill forged ahead. “You make her sound like a dose of medicine. If you were in love with her you wouldn’t be here. I know, it’s complicated. You’re complicated. I want you anyway. I’m not even jealous of Lee, it’s the guy you talk about in your sleep that worries me.”
“What guy?” Jim felt the stirrings of panic.
“I don’t know, but you mutter things about “slave for life” and “secret agent.” Mostly it’s incoherent mumbling, but when you wake up you’re, uh, aggressively amorous.”
Great. At least he hadn’t mentioned any names. “Bill, I don’t know if I’ll ever be who you want me to be. I’m sorry; I’m not sure what I want, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“It’s OK. I can wait a while longer for you to figure it out.”
After dinner, they walked for a while before Jim caught a cab for the train station; holding hands, like any couple might do. As the cab pulled over, Jim kissed Bill, held him for a moment; and then he was gone.
Bill turned up the collar of his jacket, and walked away, in the opposite direction.
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Oswald was enjoying a moment to himself, ‘people watching’ as he waited for Dennis. He’d just raised his cigarette to his lips, when he caught sight of two men hailing a cab, a few yards away from where he stood.
It couldn’t be.
It was.
Jim Gordon. He was kissing, and holding someone-who most definitely was not the medical examiner he was supposedly involved with. Oswald stared in amazement. Jim was cheating on her; cheating. With a man.
As the cab pulled away, Oswald was overcome with rage. He didn’t even notice the cigarette was still in his hand, until it had burned away to ash.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Dennis’ voice made him jump. “I saw the men you were staring at. Someone you know, perhaps? The blonde wouldn’t be that policeman you were sweet on for so long, would it?”
“How did you know..........?”
“People talk. I’ve seen photos of Mr. Lawman in the paper.” Dennis stopped, and looked at how pale Oswald’d become. “You look ill. You were surprised to see him with a man, weren’t you?”
“Yes. Yes, I was.”
Dennis took Oswald’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.”
In the cab, on the way back to the hotel, Dennis wrapped his arms around Oswald, who clung to him as if he were a life preserver in the middle of the ocean. “You thought he was straight, and that’s why he didn’t want you.”
“Now I know that wasn’t it. It was me. He didn’t want me because I was me.”
Dennis nuzzled Oswald’s neck. “He’s an idiot, an utter fool. It’s my good fortune, though. Are you going to be all right?’
“Better than all right. Thank you for being my rock. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
They made love that night, and afterwards, Dennis told Oswald that he loved him. Oswald said it back without hesitation; and it was true. He did love Dennis-although he wasn’t in love with him, and probably never would be. He was still in love with Jim, even after everything Jim’d done, even after how wonderful Dennis had been. Someday, he knew, that would be the reason the relationship with Dennis would end.
But for tonight, he enjoyed the warmth and comfort of Dennis’ arms. Tonight, he wasn’t alone.
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Jim got back to his apartment just before midnight. He had an unopened bottle of bourbon on the kitchen counter. He fixed himself a nightcap, and went out on the balcony; carrying a small cardboard box with him. In the box, were loose family photos. He went through them, smiling as one or the other triggered a happy memory. His favorite was one of him and Roger, playing with a video game they’d gotten one Christmas. At the bottom of the box was a manila envelope he’d hidden there; the name on the envelope was Renee Montoya.
He’d taken it from her desk, while she was packing up her things, getting ready to move to Baltimore. He figured she wouldn’t miss it. When she and Allen had believed Jim to be guilty of Oswald’s murder, they’d asked Oswald’s mother for a photograph.
Based on the date on the back of the photo, Oswald must have been about nineteen. Small for his age, he looked even younger. The clothes he wore were a poor fit; but he held his head high, managing to look dignified despite the shabbiness that surrounded him. His eyes were unmistakable; the most beautiful shade of blue-green this side of heaven.
Jim stared at the image for a long time before he placed it back in the envelope, and buried it under the other photos.
He sat with his head in his hands, and wept.